(A/N): Lisbet has a breakdown, and then she and Jerremyah have a Conversation (TM). Jerremyah continues to struggle to keep his vampire side in check, even when it seems like maybe Lisbet doesn't want him to.
Jerremyah
We made it back to the house in silence. We made it all the way up to her bedroom in silence. She turned to face me, still silent. She walked towards me, and pressed herself into my body- which accepted her gleefully- and she was silent... right up until the first keen tore from her throat.
My arms were around her in an instant- the only reason they hadn't come around her when she had stepped into me was because I was too shocked by it to think... and too scared that she would push me away. That fear was gone, now- she had come to me, to get me to comfort her, so I did as she wanted. Her knees buckled, and I sank with her, slowly, carefully, to the floor. I could have held her upright, but there was no point- this wasn't something that one endured on their feet.
I pressed a kiss to her hair, not knowing what else to do, when all of my instincts were telling me to pin her, and bury my face in her throat- like she was doing to me. I nearly lost myself to that- a shiver ran up my spine like it was the disembodied hand of that wild thing inside me, trying to push me over that ledge, but I refused to let it. That wasn't what Lisbet needed right now- she needed comfort, not a possessive male- a possessive mate- no matter how good my intentions were.
I held her to me- one hand flat between her shoulder blades, the other balled into a fist in the small of her back- and I just... kept holding her. I let her keen, while biting back my own instinctual echo, doing my best to both relish in, and ignore, the way her hands roamed my back, before one settled over where my heart was, and the other- I could feel her claws through my shirt, and it very nearly made me lose it.
I had to tell myself that it wasn't a claim, but instead an expression of anger, or possibly grief- I told myself that over and over, but it never really seemed to help as much as I would hope.
It was a few minutes before she tugged on me- on my clothes, but also on my body, and not lightly, either- and I started to pull back so that I could look at her, but she didn't let me. Firstly, she used her strength to keep me pressed to her, and then she followed me the small distance I had managed to pull away- like she couldn't bear to part with me.
"Lisabetta..." The keen she was in the middle of only got louder. "What is it that you want? I don't understa-" She lifted her knee onto my thigh, and finally, I got it- immediately, I dragged her into my lap, and we were closer than before- and even though the keening continued, I knew that I had done the right thing, because she briefly nuzzled my neck. Which... once again, nearly made me lose control.
She must have been completely out of it, if she kept doing things like that- because she knew, all too well, how strongly such things affected me. What sort of effect she had on me. I had an idea as to why she was upset- especially considering that I knew what Leo planned to talk to her about. If I was right, I thought she had held it together rather well- seeing as she had waited until we were alone to break down.
"Lizzy- he's okay. He's safe. He's with Shari, and Grey, and- and Hercules! For right now, he's safe-" She sobbed, and dug her claws into my flesh. Not enough to pierce the skin, but enough to make me grit my teeth, so I didn't pierce hers.
Then, she lifted her head- and by lifted, I mean that she slid her face vertically up my throat, pushing her body upright out of its slouch in order to butt the top of her head against the underside of my jaw, and then around and up, to just under my ear. And then- then she- she pushed her nose into the scruff I called facial hair, and huffed in a breath.
I tried to tell myself that there must be some other explanation for her to do that- there was no way she could be scenting me- but I came up blank. There was nothing else it could be- ...right? But I could never just assume something like that, so I did my best- which was right piss poor, if I'm completely honest- to push it from my mind.
"He's okay." I reconsidered, given the fact that she was currently trying to break her nose on my jaw, and the hollow of my cheek. "I'm okay- we're okay." She clung to me even tighter, if that was possible, and I have to admit that I was confused. Why was she- it almost seemed like... like she was just as worried about me, as she was about Leo. Had he- had he not- was I misinterpreting things, and he hadn't actually told her, like I had thought?
"Lis-" She nuzzled me again. "I hate to ask, but... did Leo tell you-?" She pulled back just enough for me to get the vague impression of eyes- her eyes- before she practically slammed into me again.
"That he would-" She cut off in a keen. "That he wouldn't be immor-" The keen got louder, higher pitched. "That he'd 'take matters into his own hands'-" This time, she was interrupted by her own growl, and I didn't know what to say- apparently, that was a theme for the day.
"Oh... well... I guess that... answers my question." I didn't have to be able to sense her movements to know that she was narrowing her eyes at me.
"What did heee-" She pressed her mouth shut, but that did nothing to help the keening whine from emanating from her throat. "What did he say to you? About- about that?" Uh oh.
"Not... Not that much." I knew her too well to be able to pretend that I didn't know she didn't believe me. "We- we were talking about our hobbies." I felt her blink heavily- her eyelashes brushing over my skin, as she pressed her face into the flesh of my jaw. "It's a long story." Hesitantly, she nodded. "I asked him if he still wanted to be a Painter, like when he was younger-" She pulled back, staring at me with confused eyes.
"What?" I huffed quietly.
"I'm not always a prick, I can be nice, especially to someone like him-" She cut me off, and if I didn't know better, I would have said her expression was pained.
"Leo wanted to be a Painter?" I blinked, then hesitated myself- wondering whether this was something I should be telling her.
"He... when he was younger he did, yes." Her eyes dropped to the ground- then, flicked back up to meet mine.
"And I know you can be nice- I know you're capable of it, I just don't always... expect it from you. You... you were nice to Evie, and Leo is-" Her lips quirked up, ever so slightly. "Leo is Leo." I nodded.
"He said he didn't know what he wanted to be, and he wasn't sure it mattered." She didn't quite keen, but there was a whine that escaped her chest.
"Of course it matters!" She huffed, and her arms tightened around me- but was she trying to hold me closer, or to cross her arms, and I was just in the way? Once again, I nodded.
"I asked why he thought that- he said his future was uncertain. He told me that he had had a lot of trouble choosing his OWL's, because he wasn't sure where he was going to end up." Her frown intensified. "I didn't know what he was getting at, at the time, so I tried to reassure him- told him about how I didn't have a clue at his age, either. He told me that he meant because he would change, when he turned sixteen- I'll have questions about that, later." Lisbet hesitated again, then nodded.
"If I can answer your questions, I will- if not, Leo wants to have a conversation with both of us, and that opens him up to those sorts of questions." But I'd only ask him if he was comfortable with it. I hooked my thumb over the muscle at the top of her shoulder, and both felt, and saw, her shiver.
"Are you col-" She narrowed her eyes at me, and I flushed. "Right, no, of course you aren't. But are you... you're... okay?" Her gaze softened. "Physically. I mean, I know emotionally you're- we're working on that." She nodded, and I felt the muscles flex under my hand.
"Will saying 'no' get me more cuddling privileges?" I choked on my own saliva, and felt my blush go wild.
"I- you- you know you- I would-" Her cheeky grin was small, and still a bit watery.
"Take your time, Heart of Mine." My brain went blank, but I felt my mouth still working, trying to form words- and failing, miserably.
"Gghfnblt." She huffed out a quiet laugh, and I felt my lips quirk up, to echo her smile. She opened her mouth, and I rushed to cut her off, before she had the chance to fluster me any further than she already had. "You get. Cuddles. What you want. When you- if you- Whenever. I'm there." Not exactly eloquent, but she understood what I meant- I was hers- whenever she wanted. All she had to do was ask. Maybe that wasn't a good idea, but I had never been known for that sort of thing, anyway.
"We'll get into that a bit later." I- what? "Tell me more about Leo." I blinked, then nodded, trying to reorganise my brain.
"Right. I- I said- well, I know it wasn't the right thing to say now, but I had no idea at the time- I said that he'd basically be a regular vampire, and he flinched." She looked like she wanted to, as well. "I asked if that wasn't a good thing, and he said no- said he couldn't be a full-vampire- be immortal. Lis-" She nodded again.
"I know. I don't... I don't know what the difference is, but... he seems very adamant." I hesitated, and she noticed. "Say it. I can take it." I wasn't so sure.
"I asked what the difference was- why the thought of being immortal bothered him so much, and he said... he said it felt like he wasn't meant to be immortal." Her eyebrows furrowed. "He said he felt like he would lose some part of himself, that he couldn't afford to lose- a part he's 'destined' to have. He made it very clear that he didn't think that applied to anyone else, but..." The quietest little whine escaped her throat, and I extended my hand from her shoulder, to brush my thumb down the side of her neck.
"He's too young to be thinking like that." I didn't- couldn't- wouldn't- disagree with that.
"It got me thinking- about destiny." She blinked, and stared me down, warily. "Do you think- you know him best-" She looked somewhat unsure about this. "Would it help or hurt, do you think, to get Khal here to... have a conversation, with him?" Her face went slack.
"I-" She paused, clearly running through the pros and cons in the her head. "I don't know. I wouldn't... I wouldn't spring it on him, and not just because I want him to trust- me." I noticed her stumble, but didn't really question it. "I think it would depend what Khal had to say- and even Khal won't know that, until he's here, and... prognosticating." I nodded.
"Yeah. We'll- we'll talk it out." I pushed onward. "I asked him what would happen if he was meant to become immortal, or even if he wasn't meant to, but he did, and that- that's when he said it." Her face hardened, but her tendency to whine was still giving her away.
"The- the- yeah." I nodded again, stiffly.
"He... he told me not to worry about it." I got to witness the fury catch alight in her eyes. "I had to say calm-" she looked like she wanted to argue, but I continued. "I got more information out of him, when I pretended to be calm- I'll leave the breakdowns to you, where they're deserved." Her face softened again slightly, and she looked incredibly conflicted.
"...then I guess that was smart of you." I blinked, and despite myself, I blushed slightly at the praise.
"I... I was just being my heartless self." Her face fell, her mouth dropping open, and a second later, her hand slipped down, to rest over my heart, between us. Then- then, she dug her claws in, just enough for me to feel them, through my shirt, and I squeezed my eyes shut- knowing that now that there was space between us, she could see my face, and knowing that my pupils dilating would, undoubtedly, give away everything I currently wanted to hide. As if she knew exactly how much I was struggling, she leaned up, and put her lips to my ear.
"I know you have a heart, Dearest." I swallowed thickly. "I've seen it- felt it. You gave it to me, remember?" It was instinct that made me nod, but I wouldn't have changed it. "I will see it again, soon... correct?" I cracked one eye open, and her smile turn into the smallest of smirks at what she saw there. "Mhm, yes, I would think so." I squeezed both eyes shut again, and huffed out an exaggeratedly put upon sigh as she chuckled- even if I could feel the smile tugging at my own lips.
"I thought you were supposed to be resisting me." She shrugged, and I tried not to revel in the feeling of her body against mine- even though we hadn't parted at any point in at least the last half hour.
"I thought you were supposed to be pursuing me. There's no fun in running, if you aren't being chased." Which we had definitely indulged in before- and I certainly shouldn't have on the brain, right now.
"There's no fun in chasing, if the person who's running from you will be hurt by you catching them." Her eyebrows furrowed, but I pushed forward, before she could say anything. "I asked if you knew, and he said he wasn't sure, but he thought he'd made himself pretty clear." I felt her shake her head, rather wildly.
"I had no idea." Yeah, I... figured. Tentatively, I opened my eyes again, assuming it was most likely pretty safe, now that the subject had moved back to her kit- even as it was, I saw the way her eyes took me in, and knew that 'safe' was probably still quite far away, at least in this sense of the word.
"I thought that was the case- and he was very adamant that I couldn't tell you. I did manage to convince him to tell you, though. That you deserved to know." Her face softened slightly, and I hesitated. "He... he said he didn't want to disappoint you." She jolted, then blinked up at me, owlishly.
"He- what?" I nodded.
"I told him I didn't think he could ever truly disappoint you-" She echoed my nod, firmly agreeing with me.
"Absolutely. Correct." I huffed out the smallest little chuckle, before forcing myself to sober.
"He told me he thought I overestimated your bond-" Her lips dropped into a pout, and I resisted the embarrassingly strong urge to take her protruding bottom lip between my teeth. To sink my fangs into it, and drink- the way only two bonded mates could. "-and I countered, and said that maybe he underestimated your bond." Her smile was small, but proud, and it made that perpetually hollow place in my chest glow.
"Good. You... good. Good work." I struggled not to blush again.
"After that, we talked about- about him telling you he loved you. He... he wanted to tell you that first, before..." She knew what I was referencing. "He was worried that- that you wouldn't be- the best I can say is 'eager'- to touch him." Her eyebrows furrowed again.
"What do you mean?" I shrugged.
"He said you touch him more at certain points, and he wanted you to be in that state of mind, before he broke that news. I told him- I said I didn't want to speak for you, and I still don't, but- I said that you most likely worried that he wouldn't like it." Hesitantly, she nodded. "That you wanted to touch him, more than he wanted you to. He told me he didn't think that that was something you needed to worry about, if that was the case." She eyed me, still half hesitant, but clearly also tentatively hopeful.
"What... what does that mean?" I gave her the softest smile I could manage- even if, maybe, I wasn't built for it.
"He said he was a very tactile person- and he attributed that, almost entirely, to Little Miss Elaine."
(A/N): Jerremyah: 'The last thing Lisbet needs right now is a possessive male- a possessive mate.'
Lisbet: 'Hello, I would like to order one possessive mate, please and thank you.'
also
Jerremyah: 'She must have been completely out of it, if she kept doing things like that- because she knew, all too well, how strongly such things affected me. What sort of effect she had on me.'
Lisbet: *ABSOLUTELY riling him up on purpose*
also
Lisbet: *pushes her nose into Jerremyah's facial hair*
Jerremyah's brain: *short circuits*
Jerremyah: '(...)there must be some other explanation for her to do that- there was no way she could be scenting me.'
Lisbet: *is ABSOLUTELY scenting him*
also
Lisbet: 'What did he say to you? About- about that?'
Jerremyah: 'Well, we were talking about our hobbies, and I asked Leo if he still wanted to be a Painter-'
Lisbet: * 0.o *
Lisbet: 'I'm sorry, you what now? He wanted to what now?.?'
also
Lisbet: *shivers at Jerremyah's touch*
Jerremyah: 'Are you co-'
Lisbet: *narrows her eyes at him*
Jerremyah: 'Right, no, of course you aren't. But you are... you're... okay? Physically- I mean, I know emotionally you're- we're working on that.'
Lisbet: 'Will saying 'no' get me more cuddling privileges?'
Jerremyah: *is flustered*
Lisbet: 'Take your time, Heart of Mine.'
Jerremyah: *is even MORE flustered*
also
Jerremyah: 'I thought you were supposed to be resisting me.'
Lisbet: 'I thought you were supposed to be pursuing me. There's no fun in running, if you aren't being chased.'
Jerremyah: 'Which we had definitely indulged in before- and I certainly shouldn't have on the brain, right now.'
~.~
Alright, I think that's enough of that. I would add more, but it's a bit too long as it is. Anyway, you read the chapter, you know most of it.
Update for the situation: So, the chapter that was meant to be chapter 400, and then ended up being split into two parts to be 400 and 401, with a planned later part 3... is now going to be split into THREE parts- 400, 401, and 402. Because 400 is 34 pages, and 401 is already at 28 pages, and there's still a big part (some would argue the MAIN part) to get through. So, yeah. Three parts, plus that later part that was already planned, that is going to be part 4 of this section, and part 5 of the entire 1967 'Little Leo' arc.
Also, as of posting this, my document manager is completely empty. It hasn't been completely empty since I started my posting schedule- since Christmas Day, when I started uploading to this story again. I have the next two 'chapters' finished (aka, part 2 and 3 of the 'Little Leo' arc, so chapter 400 and 401) fully written, and about half of part 2 (chapter 400) typed up, but other than that, I still need to do everything before those are uploaded. The biggest issue will be writing the first chapter after those, which will be the chapter that chronologically follows on from this one. Because I don't want to risk having to throw off my schedule, I probably won't be uploading the parts for the 'Little Leo' on the same day, in order to give myself time to write the next chapter. If, by some miracle, I get that done at a pace I'm happy with, I'll upload the next part as soon as possible, but otherwise, I'm going to hold onto it. Sorry guys, but I think a combination of posting a chapter every day between the 20th and 26th of March, then getting sick with the flu, then having Covid, then doing the special chapters for the Eleven Year Anniversary, and these chapters has completely depleted my reserve of chapters. I had like, 16 chapters in there at certain points, and just when I started to build it back up, something else happened. I'll just have to be really on the ball, in the future.