(A/N): Evie freaks out internally about Jerremyah and Grey kissing, and then receives what is probably some pretty gratuitous reassurance about the whole thing.

Trigger Warning: Internal Homophobia that is kind of a staple of Evie's at this point, plus more external phobia from society that has been internalized by Evie. I tried to make it reasonably accurate to the 1960's, but I am trying throughout this story to show less of the bad stuff, like sexism, racism, homophobia, etc. There is some combo homophobia/sexism involved, particularly in the lines about 'womenly duties' and 'boys not becoming men simply because they liked them', but that's not because Evie actually believes those things, I promised. She's just regurgitating the lines she's been fed. If it's inaccurate and that bothers you, just pretend that it's an alternate universe- I mean, it is, technically, a different universe, but I mean a different, different universe.

January 16th, 1966

Evie

He- they were- Jerremyah and Grey were- it took more than a few seconds for my brain to be able to understand what I was seeing, by which point Grey had tilted his head to the side to encourage Jerremyah to deepen the kiss- along with the fact that he'd slipped one hand up into his hair, and the other to grip his shoulder. It... it was quite the passionate kiss- Jerremyah must have been very grateful.

It was at this point that I realised I was staring- that my mouth was hanging open- and then I intentionally snapped my jaw shut, before I glanced sideways as subtly as possible. Not subtly enough- but I don't think there was any way I could've ever hid it, because Lisbet was already staring back at me, with a small, knowing smirk. I blinked, upon seeing that little smirk- clearly, she wasn't upset about what they were doing... and they were still doing it, I could see from the corner of my eye.

I didn't understand this. I didn't understand why Jerremyah was snogging the hell out of Grey- well, I mean, I understood it, and I couldn't say I didn't enjoy getting to watch- but I didn't understand how Lisbet could be okay with it, or how Jerremyah and Grey could- I mean, I knew that Grey was, at the very least, sexually involved with Sidonie, which implied sexual attraction, not to mention that Jerremyah and Lisbet were- they were in love. They weren't just dating, weren't just married, but mated. Which, I'd slowly become more and more convinced meant something greater than I had any hope of comprehending- at least, that was... if I stayed human. But that- if Jerremyah was attracted to Lisbet and Grey... what did that even mean?

I felt a hand on my arm, and when I looked down, I saw that the hand belonged to Minsi- and when I looked up, to her face, I found that she wasn't even looking at me, instead picking at the leftover crumbs on the plate that had held the pastries. It was supportive, not even leaving room for the possibility of me interpreting her eyes on me as a judgemental look- and I appreciated it to no end. Then, another hand landed on my arm, and this time, it was Lisbet's. I stared down at it- watched her drag it down to my wrist, then to rest on the back of my own hand. She... she was looking at me- she met my eyes, but there was nothing that could be misconstrued as judgement. In fact, there was only sympathy, compassion, and a kind of deep understanding. Wait...

"I think you can stop now, dearest." She spoke softly, but it rang clear as a bell in the quiet of the room, and while Jerremyah and Grey didn't exactly spring apart, it was evident that they were starting to wrap things up. She rubbed her thumb against the back of my hand, and gave me a small, tentatively reassuring smile. "It's okay." It didn't feel okay. "It's okay." Of course she would say that- and saying it was always different from meaning it.

A shadow fell over me, and when I looked up, Jerremyah was standing over me- his hair even more tousled than usual, and his lips kiss bruised- then, he sunk to his knees in front of me, so that instead of standing over me, he was staring up at me. His hands came up- then hovered above my knees for a second, before he seemed to see the permission I was granting with my eyes, and finally laid them gently upon my tracksuit pant clad knees. I felt the barest hint of embarrassment as I realised once again that I hadn't had the time to change out of the 'pajamas' that Lisbet had provided me with- but in the end, it was entirely overshadowed by the fact that at this point, I was almost certain that Khal was far from the only person in the room that knew my most shameful secret.

I'd been thirteen when I'd recognised what, exactly, made me feel out of place every time my friends discussed crushes, or boyfriends and girlfriends, or who was cute or not. My girl friends all liked boys, and the few boy friends I'd had throughout the years all liked girls- and that'd been the end of it. No one had ever mentioned the concept of liking both- boys liking boys, occasionally, and spoken about with disgust. Girls liking girls, much more rarely, but when it was, it was talked about in hushed whispers- a mix of a milder sort of disgust, and also a hint of awe, from certain young men that I'd known.

The boys who liked boys were seen as something perverse, a predilection of boys who would never become men, simply because they were attracted to them. The girls who liked girls, on the other hand, were mostly seen as something innocent- a curiosity, a testing ground that one might dip a toe into, before moving on to fulfill their 'womanly duties' of finding a husband and having children. I'd thought I might be one of these, for a while- after all, if I, a girl, liked girls, there was no other option... right? But at the same time... well, it wasn't as though I was unaffected by boys.

I tried to hide it, as much as possible- in the last few years, things had gotten a bit less... strict, but there were still- there were rules in place, in society, that I was scared to bend, let alone- for the most part, I stayed away from romantic relationships in general, but there had been a handful of... instances, where a boy- or a man, as I got older- had caught my eye, and in those moments, it was easy to pretend. And then a pretty girl would walk past me on the street, and it wasn't so easy anymore.

I think my friends thought I was saving myself for marriage- or at least, was trying not to ruin myself before marriage, since that ship had sailed a few years ago at this point. If they knew- it was something I thought about often, despite how much it hurt to do so. In some cases, I let myself pretend that they would be okay with it- that they would smile, and gently laugh, and tell me that it wasn't the end of the world to feel this way- but the rest of the time, I saw what I knew would really happen, play out before my eyes.

The hurt. The disgust. The mistrust. No. No, they could never know- but these people... here, there was a girl- a woman, that liked women, a man who liked men- and then, whatever Jerremyah and Grey seemed to be. This was- this was excluding the fact that they were, all of them, magical- witches and wizards- and vampires, or a werewolf. But also... if they were disgusted by me, then after they took me home, I would never have to see any of them again. That, in and of itself, was quite freeing.

"Evie..." Jerremyah's voice was soft, and barely above a whisper in volume, as he stared up at me with big blue eyes that shone so earnestly that I couldn't help but to relax, just a little. "It really is okay. I know that you-" He cut himself off, blinking, and seemed to take this opportunity to change tacks. "You said you trusted me- do you trust me in this?" I hesitated, and I knew that the longer I waited, the worse Jerremyah would take it, but there wasn't much I could do to try to force myself to push past my reservations.

"I-" I managed to get out, before my tongue tried to lock itself up and throw away the key- like Nuria's defenses had become sentient, and found a home within my mouth. "I... trust- I trust." I had to choke it out, and it felt like hands around my throat. Jerremyah didn't seem ecstatic about this, but also, he never looked disappointed- only incredibly touched, and endlessly sympathetic.

"Thank you, sweetheart." It made me swallow thickly even now, and I knew that Jerremyah was truly serious, because his lips didn't quirk up at his own use of this, my most favorite term of endearment, as though he knew exactly how much it secretly thrilled me to hear. "Do you remember, Evie," He said my name like he was trying to anchor me- to give me something to hold onto. "When I told you that you'd fit in well with us?" I blinked, then slowly, I gave a single, cautious nod.

"I do, yes." I still sounded croaky, even to myself- it seemed there was no avoiding it- but Jerremyah didn't seem to mind, and Lisbet only continued to stroke the back of my hand, rather gently.

"The reason I said that- well, first, do you remember when, while we were talking to Grey via floo, he said something along the lines of, 'we're all a bit like that'?" My eyes darted to Grey, who was watching the whole thing from halfway across the room, his lips no longer reddened- neither were Jerremyah's, sadly- but his eyes were still dark with lust. At least, I assumed it was lust- it wasn't all that dissimilar to the way Lisbet's had changed when she had mind controlled me, or when she and Jerremyah had bitten me.

"...I think so, yeah?" He took a short little breath, as if to brace himself, and the corners of his lips twitched up and down like he was trying to give me a reassuring smile to latch onto, but was too concerned for my tenuous mental state to do so.

"The reason I'm telling you this, is because- as Khal said- he and Nuria are kind of anomalies among the vampire community... and I feel that it might influence your decision-" He cut himself off, swearing quietly under his breath- as if maybe he didn't want me to hear it- before he tried again. "Screw that." I felt my eyebrows rise a little. "I'm not telling you this to sway you into becoming a vampire, I'm telling you this because you deserve to know. Because I know what it's like, to feel the way that you feel, and I knew that long before I ever considered becoming a vampire. Evie," He paused, breathing harder than I thought was necessary, especially for how large I'd observed his lung capacity to be.

"Evie, there are more people like us than you realise. People who like men and women, or women and men." I blinked. "There are humans, sure, and that's still incredibly important, but also- there are vampires, and werewolves- veela, merfolk, banshees, centaurs, goblins, faefolk, satyrs- God, even the giants probably experience it. It's not anything to be ashamed of. You're not alone." He slid his hands up my thighs in a way that was somehow entirely nonsexual, and clasped them around mine, where they rested in my lap. I hadn't noticed Lisbet's hand leave mine, but apparently, at some point it had- and now Jerremyah's eyes were boring into mine, I couldn't bring myself to care.

"You're not alone. Me, Lisbet, Grey, Nicholai, Minsi, we're all- we're all like you." Shocked, I glanced around at each of them, and they were all giving me a look that was equal parts sympathetic, and almost proud. Well, except Nicholai, whose expression was one part pained sympathy, and about nine parts, 'I wish I wasn't here right now'- but whether that was more to do with this revelation, or the whole thing in general, I wasn't sure.

"A- all of you?" They nodded- Nicholai a bit reluctantly- and I turned back to Jerremyah still stunned. "I've never- I've never met anyone- anyone else- like me." It was an admission I normally wouldn't have allowed myself, but after everything- after over ten years of hiding, it felt good to say.

Jerremyah gave me the most tender of smiles, and I figured I knew now, how he and Lisbet had suddenly been on good terms again this morning, after everything he'd done last night- if that face had come to me begging for forgiveness, I would have fallen to my knees to grant it. "You're not alone." He repeated, and this time, it felt less like a reassurance, and more like a battle cry.

"I'm not alone." A battle cry that warmed my heart to be able to echo, even if I had to do so as a whisper.

(A/N): Evie: 'If that face had come to ME begging for forgiveness, I would have fallen to my knees to grant it.'

Evie: 'You guys grant forgiveness with blowjobs too, right?'

also

Jerremyah: 'I know that you- (trust me)'

Jerremyah's brain: 'But DOES she though? Does she REALLY?'

Jerremyah: 'You said you trusted me, do you trust me in this?'

Evie: '...in...theory...'

also

Evie: 'I've never met anyone else like me.'

Jerremyah: *smiling sadly* 'Yeah, I... I know how that feels.'

also

Jerremyah: 'I'm not alone.'

Evie: 'I'm not alone.'

Jerremyah: 'To take a stand, take a stand.'

Evie: 'Everybody, everybody, come take my hand- come take my hand.'

also

Lisbet: 'I think you can stop now, dearest.'

Grey: 'Five more minutes, please.'

also

Evie: 'My girl friends all like boys, and my boy friends all like girls, but me-'

Evie, at 13: 'Porque no los dos?'

Translations:

Porque no los dos? = Why not both? (Spanish. I know this [and it's ingrained in my brain] because of the Old El Paso taco shell ads. Still not as ingrained in my brain as the Noel's Caravan's theme song- oop, there it is. It's back. Damn, that's not leaving anytime soon.)

Also, the Eminem reference is because I was writing them saying 'You're not alone' over and over, and I was like, 'where is that from?' and my brain went straight to 'Not Afraid'. So, yeah, the lyrics are a bit butchered, but I thought it was pretty fitting that the 'Everybody, come take my hand' part fell to Evie, who had two different people take her hand in an attempt to comfort her. Also how 'I'm not alone' in this context basically MEANS that Evie is no longer afraid.

Also also, Jerremyah telling Lisbet before he met Evie, 'If I wanted to seduce virgins-' and Lisbet cut him off with, 'You'd go back 309 years and seduce me all over again?' which is particularly funny, because Evie isn't a virgin.