Chapter 30

I spent the rest of Sunday in bed; I couldn't handle any more trouble. Now it was Monday evening, and Mamoru would pick me up in an hour. I had already changed my outfit three times, still unable to find the perfect one. It needed to be stylish but not give him false hope. Currently, I was wearing an elegant red long-sleeved dress that was modestly high-necked. I decided to focus on applying my makeup first and, if there was still time, rummage through the closet. I was nervous, but in a peculiar way. I was actually looking forward to seeing Mamoru, even though I knew that tonight I would finally end it.

I had spent a long time contemplating my situation yesterday. It was the right decision to make a clean break with Mamoru today. Then the only thing left to resolve would be the Diamond-Sapphire issue, and I could finally start anew with Seiya. Nothing would stand in our way then. Our happiness was within reach.

The doorbell rang, and I wasn't ready yet. He was early again. I swung the door open and was almost back in the bathroom. Mamoru entered, holding a small bouquet of flowers, with a familiar playful smile on his lips. He used to flash that smile at me so often when he had to wait for me.

"Some things never change," he teased me slightly. "Take your time getting ready, I'll put the flowers in water."

What was this all about now? He was clearly falling back into old patterns, with his teasing and the flowers. But he just wanted to be friends... It was even his suggestion... Damn it, Mamoru, don't make it any harder for me now. I picked up the pace in the bathroom. I didn't want to keep him waiting unnecessarily longer. When I emerged again, Mamoru already had my coat in hand and helped me put it on. "You look beautiful, Bunny." "Thank you, you too."

There was a tense atmosphere; neither of us knew exactly how to interact with each other. Throughout the entire journey to the restaurant, neither of us said a word. Mamoru had reserved a table at our favorite place. Even our old regular spot because I loved the view from here. You could see the entire city from here, and often, our own problems seemed so small. Oh dear, I was getting sentimental. It looked exactly the same as our last visit, almost two years ago.

The waiter brought us the menus and poured a lovely red wine. "Bunny..." he began thoughtfully. "Yes, Mamo?"

Suddenly, his eyes looked so burdened, as if something was weighing heavily on his soul. Something he had kept hidden from me until now. I had known him for half my life, so I noticed it immediately.

"Bunny..." he started again and then let out a sharp breath. He raised the wine glass to his lips, as if buying time. But why?

"Please, just speak up... What's wrong? What's troubling you?"

"I think it's time for me to tell you about my time in America..." he said thoughtfully, his gaze deliberately avoiding mine. He couldn't even look me in the eyes. The little discomfort that resided in my stomach like a pebble suddenly grew. It was the first time since he returned that he voluntarily wanted to talk about America. I reached out my hand towards his and gently stroked his fingers, prompting him to finally look at me.

"I... I don't even know where to begin," he said, withdrawing his hand from my touch and running it through his hair. I gave him a reassuring smile. "Just start."

He took a deep breath and continued contemplating. I allowed him the time he needed. I could tell that it took a lot of courage for him to open up about this topic.

"I've known Rei for ages. Since she facilitated contact for me in America, she thought she should be present at least during the initial consultation... However, after we took a look at the potential side effects, she decided to wait until after the first few treatments before leaving again... In fact, the first treatments were the worst, from cold sweats to fever... vomiting..." He paused and looked out the window.

Even though I had many questions nagging at me already, I didn't want to interrupt him. Not now that he was finally opening up.

"But the worst were the pains... That internal burning, like a fire that couldn't be extinguished... I've thought so many times about confiding in you, bringing you into it, but then... I looked in the mirror and saw the face of a stranger. I wanted to spare you that sight, I just wanted to spare you all the suffering... I sent Rei away so many times too, but she's as stubborn as an old mule. She would just be waiting outside the clinic when I arrived and then take me home. I had little strength to argue with her, so I let it happen. In hindsight, you were right, you should have been in her place, but I couldn't bring myself to tell you. After the first cycle... after 5 months, there was supposed to be an initial prognosis, which is why I booked the ticket for you. You were my sunshine during those two weeks. You gave me the strength to keep going..." He paused and continued gazing out the large window.

"Where was Rei when I was with you? I never met her," I asked softly. "She was on a business trip during the time she knew about the cycle break. I also told her that you would be visiting me, so I wouldn't be alone..."

"Does she love you?" The question escaped my mouth before I could even begin to think about it. The stone in my stomach grew larger.

Mamoru nodded. "Probably. We've never talked about it."

Something seemed to break inside me, but I knew it was probably for the best. "And do you love her?" Once again, my mouth was quicker than my mind. Did I really want to know the answer to this question?

He hesitated for too long to deny it. Then he turned his head back to me, and I saw the pain in his eyes. "I don't know. But I have to do what's right."

What did he mean by "do what's right" now? I blinked at him, puzzled.

"Bunny... do you remember when I told you I didn't know what happened that night? The night before Boston..."

Mechanically, I nodded. Even though he hadn't said it explicitly, I already suspected what he was about to tell me. "So, you did sleep with her."

"Yes, and we found out yesterday that she's pregnant," he said, lowering his gaze as he spoke.

Sheer horror instantly took over me. Mr. Perfect had not only cheated on me but also impregnated her right away. There were so many things I wanted to throw in his face, but after a moment of shock, all I could do was cry. He gently placed his hand on mine. I couldn't handle this right now.

I quickly stood up and ran out of the restaurant. I didn't know where I was running to. I kept running until my legs hurt and I ran out of breath. It wasn't too far considering my fitness level. Even though I wanted to break up with him, suddenly there was this pain and anger. I tried to control my tears. I had my own affair with Seiya and Diamond, but at least no child came out of it. Something like that was final and bound for life. How could he? I heard a faint cough behind me and turned to face him.

"Bunny, I'm sorry. I never wanted something like this to happen..." His voice sounded sincere, but he had still done it.

"You got her pregnant! Mamoru, something like that doesn't happen by accident! You're a doctor, I don't think anyone needs to explain to you how it happens!" I shouted at him.

He took another step towards me and carefully placed his hand on my shoulder. "I know... Bunny, can we please continue talking inside, calmly? Please."

Tears of anger and sadness uncontrollably streamed down my cheeks. "What else is there to talk about? Hasn't everything been said already? We've both destroyed our relationship."

He pulled me into his arms, and I didn't resist. "Please come inside," he whispered softly in my ear.

Even though part of me resisted, I nodded and followed him. I had been no better than him. Only shadows of our past relationship remained. This child would even make it easier for me to take the step of breaking up, but it still felt like something precious was shattering within me.

I reached for a napkin and wiped the tears from my face. "Mamo, let it go. We... we're just tearing each other apart. You were with Rei in America, she stood by you when you were unwell, and I... I had Seiya here... who always caught me and made me feel better... As beautiful as the time with you was, I think we've grown apart... We should both look ahead now..."

I wasn't entirely sure why I was saying all this, and I felt quite strange about it. It was the right path, I kept telling myself. He was having a child with her, he would become a father, and hopefully, I would have Seiya by my side soon. That was the step I had to take. For both of us. I forced myself to give him a brief smile.

"Mamo, I really mean it. You'll always hold a special place in my heart, but I've been thinking a lot lately. I love Seiya. I want to spend my life with him... And if you're honest with yourself, you care for Rei... I can see it in you." Although my voice trembled, I continued speaking. "I wish for you to be happy with her."

Mamoru stood up, took my hands, and pulled me close to his chest. He hugged me tightly and lowered his head to my ear. "Thank you, Bunny. I wish the same for you."

After Mamoru held me tightly, he slowly let go and sat back in his seat. The atmosphere between us had become even heavier, burdened with unspoken words and unresolved feelings.

The waiter brought our orders. I lowered my gaze and nervously played with my napkin. "We both made mistakes, Mamoru. It's important that we learn from them and go our separate ways. You'll be a great father, I know that. Focus on your future with Rei and your child. I'll be fine."

Mamoru nodded sadly. "Yes, I will. But please promise me that you'll be happy, Bunny. You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally and cherishes you."

Seiya did that, in every possible way. Once again, the refrain of "Endless Love" echoed within me. The remaining time in the restaurant was silent. We barely ate; our thoughts were elsewhere. It was a farewell meal, a farewell to us as a couple, and perhaps even a farewell to each other. When we left the establishment, Mamoru hugged me one last time and walked with me down the street towards home.

"I'll miss you, Bunny," he said softly. "But I'm grateful for the time we had together. You were my first great love, and that will always have a place in my heart."

I felt tears welling up in my eyes again, but I fought against them. "I'll miss you too, Mamo. But we have to move on. It's time for us to let go of the past and look ahead."