Chapter 37

I sat down hesitantly in my seat, with Mamoru to my right, Seiya to my left, and Motoki sitting across from us. The air was so thick that it seemed to suffocate me, leaving me breathless. A heavy silence fell upon us, and no one dared to utter a word. My heart raced wildly in my chest. Seiya's hand rested tensely on my thigh, and I could feel his vigilant gaze fixed on Mamoru.

"The usual, Usa?" Motoki asked softly, his voice a timid attempt to break the oppressive atmosphere. My lips moved on autopilot as I mechanically nodded. "Yes."

Then Motoki turned to Seiya in a professional manner. "And for you?"

Seiya's response was curt: "Coffee, black please."

It didn't take long, and Motoki handed us our drinks. When he slid a chocolate muffin towards me, I immediately knew it was from Makoto. She was a talented baker, and under normal circumstances, I would have enjoyed the muffin with delight. But given the current situation, any appetite had vanished. I couldn't even stomach a single crumb. The worry for Mamoru and the hardened glances exchanged between him and Seiya stirred up great unease in my stomach.

After an endless while of silence, Motoki tapped me on the shoulder. "Can I talk to you for a moment? Alone."

I glanced from Seiya to Mamoru, who were still locked in their unwavering stare. Could I really leave the two of them alone? But Motoki didn't wait for my answer. He already held the kitchen door open. Summoning my courage, I hesitantly stood up. "I'll be right back," I whispered to the group, but there was no reaction, neither from Seiya nor from Mamoru.

As soon as the door closed behind me, Motoki stood before me with his arms crossed. His gaze was serious, and I could see the numerous questions he had for me reflected in his eyes. "What's this, Usa? You know exactly how he feels, and yet you bring your new guy here..."

A wave of anger gradually engulfed me. "Stop! Back then, he didn't care about how I felt when he let Rei live with him. I won't take the blame for that now, Toki. Besides, do you really think it's a good idea to leave them alone? Did you see their looks?"

Motoki sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. "They won't tear each other apart, they're grown men. Back to you. I guess I don't even want to know what you were thinking... Two men... at the same time! Usa, how could you! Mamoru spent half the night talking to me about it. Do you even realize how important you still are to him?"

An involuntary eye roll escaped me, luckily Motoki knew nothing about Diamond. That would probably completely derail him. So far, I had been like a little innocent sister to him.

"Yes, he told me that multiple times yesterday... to be precise, for almost the entire way home... but it changes nothing. Toki, there's nothing left of that relationship. We both screwed it up. Me with Seiya, and him with his secrets and Rei... Even if I wanted to, I couldn't give him a chance right now."

As I mentioned her name, a slight shiver ran down my spine. I had almost managed to push her tragic fate out of my mind again. But what kind of relationship could it be if you couldn't trust your partner? Sure, we had said we would remain friends, but was that really feasible?

Finally, Motoki's defensive stance subsided, and he placed a hand on my shoulder. A look of deep concern filled his eyes. "You really love this singer, don't you?"

Without thinking, I immediately responded, "Yes, more than I ever thought possible."

Motoki sighed heavily once again. "But Mamoru needs us. Both of us. Can you imagine what he's going through right now?"

Of course, I had been racking my brain about it since yesterday. It was just a shitty situation, but before I could answer him, a loud crash from the café interrupted our conversation. Panic-stricken, I pushed past Motoki and yanked the door open again.

"Does that make you feel better now? But it won't change anything!" Seiya yelled. I could hear his voice, but I couldn't see him. His stool, on which he had just been sitting, was empty. Mamoru was still sitting motionless in his seat, stubbornly staring at the coffee cup in front of him.

I glanced around the counter, and there was Seiya crouched on the floor, one hand covering his nose. I rushed to his side. "What happened?"

"Nothing, but I think we should leave now," he replied, his face contorted in pain as he struggled to get up.

So much for the assumption that they were grown men! I gave Motoki a "I told you so" look. His response was a silent nod toward the door. Our communication remained wordless, as it often did. I signaled to him that I would call later, hooked my arm with Seiya's, and led him home.

When we finally arrived at our apartment, I carefully examined his injury. His nose was slightly swollen, and I handed him an ice pack to alleviate the pain. "Do I want to know what happened?" I asked, as I wearily sank into the armchair, waiting for his reaction.

"I don't think so," he replied with a determined voice.

I could all too well imagine that Mamoru had provoked him with a snide remark, and Seiya's carefree mouth had pushed him over the edge. Mamoru's fuse had probably become extremely short given all the circumstances.

"Well, I'll call Motoki now and find out what he wanted exactly. Your outburst came too early to end the conversation." I wanted Seiya to realize that I was a bit annoyed. After all, I had told him about Mamoru's losses, so he could have restrained himself.

He grunted in response and turned on the television. It was clear that he didn't like losing. At least he didn't hit back; that was at least a good sign.

I retreated to the bedroom to make my call, lying down on the bed and dialing Motoki's number.

"Alright, you were right. Leaving those two alone wasn't a good idea," Motoki grumbled directly at me. I skipped the "I told you so" part.

"Did he say anything else?" I asked him.

"No, just that he sorted something out with Seiya."

Odd. I would give anything to find out what happened between them in those five minutes. I would probably never know.

"Well, Usa, now please tell me everything calmly. I need to understand it all."

I hesitated for a moment, searching for an escape. I wasn't really ready for this conversation with him.

"Toki, it's really a long story, and you're probably still at work... Can't we discuss it calmly another day?"

"No... I know you, you're trying to make excuses again. I have time. Mamoru is still sitting at the counter, and Makoto has taken over the front. Usa, you say I'm your best friend, and then you don't trust me enough to tell me what's going on in your life... I think you need an open ear right now, and I want to offer that to you."

I let out a deep breath. He was right with his assumption. I was looking for an escape. How many times had I consciously avoided him to avoid questions?

"Usa? Are you still there?"

"Yes," I whispered, and after another moment of silence, I began to tell him everything. How Seiya entered my life, how our relationship had developed, my emotional fluctuations for "both" men, how deeply Mamoru's secrets had affected me... everything. I wiped away a few tears along the way. Motoki remained silent as I spoke. He was just as good a listener as Mamoru had always been.

"... and you know the rest because you were there," I concluded my story. Motoki remained silent for a moment, as if he had absorbed my words and was trying to process everything. Then he let out a deep breath and began to respond. "Usa, this is really a difficult situation you're in. There are a lot of things coming together..."

"Yes, but what was the real reason you wanted to talk to me?" Somehow, I couldn't shake the feeling that Motoki was still beating around the bush.

A sigh reached my ears. "I'm just worried, Usa, about both of you. It's clear that Mamoru is pretty much at his wit's end. I mean, he sat at my café all day today, wallowing in silent self-pity. I can hardly reach him. When he does say something, his answers are as short as possible. I thought maybe you could break through to him somehow. After all, you know him best."

I knew Motoki was right. If anyone could pull him out of this pit, it was me. I had done it once before when he was in a similar state, but we weren't together anymore. Was this task still on my shoulders? After all, we wanted to remain friends.

"I'll think about it. But you won't get anywhere with kid gloves on, Toki. He needs something to really jolt him awake."

Motoki's words left me pensive. I lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling as I repeated his words in my head. Mamoru was at his breaking point.

A knock on the bedroom door interrupted my thoughts. Seiya stuck his head through the crack, looking at me with a concerned expression while still holding the ice pack against his nose.

I shook my head with a heavy heart. "Motoki wanted me to help him with Mamoru. He's really withdrawn, and Toki can't seem to reach him. He thought maybe I could give it a try."

Seiya made a slight face, but contrary to my expectations, he nodded.

"But not today anymore, it's already late."