Hello, welcome to heck…

Shepard's week

Starcraft is the property of Blizzard entertainment.

Mass effect is the property of Bioware.

Any elements used in this story are used only in order to create a story for no monetary gain nor do I claim any ownership over them, beyond the names and characters unique to this story.

Monday

"Hello son,

If you are reading this then know that I have prepared a room for you in my apartment, visit me once you are done with the council and I will invite you for some dinner.

The address is attached to this message.

I'll be waiting, David.

P.s - I apologize in advance"

After reading that ominous letter, Shepard made his way to the human embassy. He had been told that a meeting with the council would take place there and that he was expected to get there as soon as possible.

When he entered the office he expected to be greeted by his old friend Captain Anderson and that weasel of Udina. And as such he entered the embassy a little bit late.

"Sorry, sorry. The port authorities did not make it easy for us to… land?" Shepard was not expecting who he found in the embassy but quickly stood at attention.

Have you had that feeling when you embarrass yourself in front of a superior? Well, for our intrepid soldier this feeling was a mute point since he did not respect most of his direct superiors.

All save for one…

Admiral Hackett cleared his throat as he understood that Shepard had broken at least over a dozen regulations of the alliance by this entrance alone. Shepard began to sweat profusely as the admiral began to approach him.

To his surprise he just extended a hand for the commander to take "At ease, commander. I'm not here for a witch hunt." Shepard relaxed and shucked the hand of the admiral.

"I-I apologize, sir. If I may ask, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Shepard asked. He did not expect from whom the answer came.

"That's something I would also like to know, admiral" a familiar and rugged voice answered. Shepard turned and found that Nihlus had somehow sneaked right next to him though he was certain that nobody was next to him a moment ago "Hello Shepard"

"Nihlus, you lived!" Shepard exclaimed as he was happy that the turian had survived.

"It will take more than a literal shot in the back to kill me" The turian faked a smile "How I wished that I was conscious so I could have accused Saren myself".

Shepard snorted, which surprised the admiral and the other Spectre "Oh. You have no idea".

The admiral coughed once again to gain the pair's attention "To answer your question, I have come under the jurisdiction of both the alliance and Earth's parliament as a witness to your reports, Shepard".

"Huh" was Shepard's answer as the holo displays in the room flickered and showed the figure of the three councilors.

"Ahh, Shepard. Just who we wanted to see" Councilor Tevos of the Asari began.

"There's a lot of things that need your explanation, Shepard" Councilor Valern of the Salarian continued with a frown.

"Your hunt for Saren has followed a tolerable development. But the most recent turn of events are worrying the council" Councilor Sparatus of the Turian finished while he crossed his arms.

Shepard turned to the admiral who just motioned for him to take the floor.

Oh boy.

Thirty minutes later.

As Shepard finished his report on the most recent turn of events he saw as all the members of the council just looked at him with an incredulous face. Silence continued as all of them tried to formulate an answer but could not find the words.

To the surprise of all it was Nihlus who expressed what all of them wanted to say.

"What the hell was that Shepard?" Nihlus said plainly.

This reaction surprised the council as they could not find the proper way to respond to this situation.

Hackett had been rubbing his eyes for the last part of the explanation "So let me get this straight…" he began in an ominous manner "You did find doctor T'soni and confirmed that she was not working for her mother. On top of that you finally managed to decipher the content of the beacon as being a record of the extinction of the prothean and its purpose was that of a warning" He paused as he awaited for an answer.

"Yes, admiral. But…" he was interrupted by Hackett again.

"To top it all you managed to find evidence of a rogue organization that somehow managed to smuggle a threat on the same level as the Rachni into the traverse with an undisclosed and nefarious purpose" he ended his summary with the biggest frown Shepard had seen in his life.

"..." He just stared "Yes, admiral"

The council continued to look at the commander with a face of contempt. Tevos sighed and gave her answer.

"To some of these claims the council cannot find sufficient evidence to support" Tevos' answer surprised the commander "The beacon on Eden Prime might have been damaged to such a degree that the original message might have been misinterpreted by the commander" they did not believe him.

"The only threat that is of some concern are the events related to this unknown organization and this 'bioweapons'. The council will take action to discover the truth on the matter" Sparatus added to the verdict. Shepherd was somewhat glad that the lie fabricated by his friend had been maintained by the council even if it meant lying to the alliance brass.

Nodding at this development Valern spoke to Nihlus "Nihlus, as you are once again fit for action this council orders you to aid the alliance on the investigation of this rogue organization. All findings and discoveries will be reported to us and no stone shall remain unturned until you find their motivation and the origin of these bioweapons".

"As you command" Nihlus acquiesced and departed the embassy as he said farewell to Shepard.

"The alliance and parliament will be informed of this most recent developments" Hackett continued as he eyed the commander "Still. The commander will continue his hunt against Saren, the final retrofits owed to the Normandy will take a week to conclude" Hackett extended a data pad to Shepard, it was the report on what was being added to the Normandy.

"I-i thank you admiral. Council" Shepard read through the report and found a point of interest. It was his next mission assignment "You found another clue?".

The councilors began to eye admiral Hackett as they wished for him to explain "While our presence in the traverse might be sparse, some of our reconnaissance vessels have been tracking Geth forces operating in the systems neighboring the terminus systems" he pointed a finger to Shepard "You will begin an investigation into that region and find out what they are targeting".

"I… see. Thank you" the council disconnected immediately after that. Rude.

"You should go and find Anderson, commander" answered Hackett as he left the embassy "Enjoy your shore leave. It might be a long time before another is authorized and do not worry, the situation with your findings will be handled with utmost discretion".

"I… thank you" said Shepard.

Shortly after the admiral had left and he skimmed through the information in the datapad he left the embassy and hailed a cab to take him to his friend's home.

The trip down the ward was a lot longer than what Shepard would have liked. As his trip continued he began to look out the window and began to see as the citadel was entering its night cycle.

When he arrived at his stop and made sure that he paid the fare and left the cab. He found himself in the silversun strip… this couldn't be right.

Could it?

His answer came in the form of a familiar voice "Shepard!" He turned and faced his friend, Captain Anderson. "Good to see that you finally managed to get here" he put an arm around his shoulder and began to drag him towards one of the expensive looking apartment buildings.

"Am, Thanks" they arrived at an elevator and began to make their way up "So… fancy place to buy a home. Wouldn't you agree?"

Anderson turned his head and smiled at the commander, but he saw something else… Was that guilt?

What the hell did you do Anderson?

"Oh you have no idea, son" the elevator stopped and they turned towards a corridor that led to a lone door. Shepard guessed this must be his own apartment "As I said in my message, I'm sorry".

Shepard wanted to ask what the hell he meant but as the door opened his answer came in the shape of his worst nightmare.

"You are late, John" his mother welcomed him with a scowl.

Oh no.

Tuesday

To say that his conversation with his mother had gone south quickly would be an understatement.

The first thing she did as Shepard was beginning to form a fake smile was to take a swing directly at his face.

What she did not expect was that such a strike would leave the young commander unconscious. He counted this as lucky since he managed to buy some time before she gave him the mother of all scoldings.

Once he woke up he was surprised to find his mother having breakfast with Anderson and…

"Ash?" Shepard asked as he entered the kitchen and saw Captain Anderson cooking for the two women.

"Ahem" Shepard was alerted to the fact that he had not even dared to look at his own mother "Aren't you forgetting something?" She began to glare at him.

Shepard went up to her, hugged her and then proceeded to make his way to the other side of the room.

"I have punched you enough, John. Get a pack of ice and join us for breakfast" she commanded him and Shepard obeyed.

The silence was awkward, he could feel as the stare of pity from Anderson conflicted with the delight that Ash's gleeful smile emanated.

"Your punishment will come in due time, John" she said in an ominous manner "But first I want you to tell me what happened during your mission. Miss no detail"

Shepard gulped as he was about to break the alliance's orders on the secrecy of his mission. As he was telling this in front of a superior officer he was certain that should Anderson inform the alliance of this he could face charges of treason and be sentenced to life in prison.

But both of the men were no fools. For if they had to choose between the wrath of the alliance or the ungodly fury of Hannah Shepard they would most certainly not inquire the latter.

"Alright. Here's what I have been up to…"

Half an hour later

Hannah was rubbing her eyes, she did this since she was most probably developing a headache after the farfetched adventure she had been told.

"An alien from an alternate universe… a race of machines that exterminates all life in the galaxy… the god-damned bugs from starship troopers?" This last comment came from her mother being a massive film buff in a way to honor his father "What the fuck did you get yourself in?"

"I-i'm not sure, ma" he answered truthfully.

Hannah just stared at his son, silence filled the room as she just judged her son. She sighed.

"I want to meet your crew before you depart, I want to know that my son is not leading them to certain death…" Shepard looked down in shame "and I want to know that in leaving my son in good hands"

"I… understood ma'am. We will have to meet them at the end of the week, most told me they would be unavailable until then" Shepard answered truthfully. His mother was convinced by this and continued to drink her now cold coffee.

"I wonder when she'll get back" Ashley said

"Who?" Shepard asked as he was not certain what Ashley was even doing here.

"Em… John" David began "did you read the dossier at the end of the report?"

In truth he didn't get the chance to read the full report. But before he could tell the truth the door to the apartment opened and the words that came from his mother paralyzed the poor commander in place.

"Oh you are back, Jane" Hannah exclaimed as she smiled at her only daughter.

He could sense every step she took… getting closer… closer… closer.

But then she stopped. What was she planning?

"Are you not going to greet your new navigator, commander Shepard?" said Jane.

What…

"The fuck?" he got up and turned towards her as he just saw that his sister was wearing the uniform and insignia afforded to the executive officer of the alliance navy.

"About that report…" David began as he tried to explain to Shepard his predicament.

Why me?

That afternoon

He found himself in a stupid situation.

For one he had found out through a message from Nihlus that apparently he had gained a second income through his work as a Spectre; What he found stupid about that situation was that his new salary surpassed his previous income by a few leagues.

The second part was one that hurted him in such a way that most people could understand.

"I think he will like this. Don't you think so?" Said Jane.

"I'm not sure. What do they even find attractive?" Answered Ashely in turn.

Shepard cursed his luck as he was now forced to act as an errand boy for his sister and friend as they went on a shopping spree for some reason. Shepard was certain that it was only so they could punish him.

To top it all, this all came from his salary as a Spectre.

"So you are really not planning to reveal who this oh so mysterious partner is?" Ashley began as they left one shop and made their way to an armory at the request of Ashley and to Shepard's relief.

"The only thing i'm willing to reveal is that he is a Turian" Jane began to tease her friend as she paid for some armor and gave it to John so he would carry it "Who knows, maybe if you found a partner you could join us tomorrow" so Shepard could have a free day… Awesome.

"Pfft. Yeah, sure. Then maybe John here could join us as well. He might surprise us and even bring a date as well" Jane laughed at the notion. She knew that John had always been an awkward buffon near all the women he liked.

In truth John smiled a little, this confirmed to him that Ashley did not know about his interest towards Liara.

Good.

Wednesday.

After he had been allowed to leave his little punishment, Shepard crashed into one of David's beds and did not get up until dinner time.

Later in the evening he was surprised as he received a message from Liara just as he was beginning to cook something for himself. Since the kitchen was vacant at the moment save for him.

The message read as follow:

"Hello Shepard,

I might require some help with something tomorrow.

Can I meet you in the presidium at around 6:00 PM?

Cordially, Doctor Liara T'soni"

Shepard pondered this for a moment. Did he want to go with the woman he favored to accompany her and do some kind of undisclosed activity?

Yes he did.

Just as he finished thinking about how good tomorrow would be for him he found himself distracted by some noise that originated from the living room.

As he turned off the stove and served his meal he made his way towards the living room. There he found his mother watching a last minute news report.

"... This just in" began an Asari reporter "The reports concerning the fire that consumed the Flux casino have been confirmed by the local authorities to be related to fight between a krogan and turian. Their identities remain unknown and citadel security has begun a formal investigation on the event that transpired earlier this afternoon…"

Even if the news were horrifying and no casualties had been reported Shepard found himself smirking a little at this. Despite the fact that he had never been to the flux he found that place a little tacky for what reputation it had.

I mean what kind of fool goes to a club or casino with such a small dance floor…

His thoughts were suddenly stopped by the sound of the door opening and closing as someone entered the apartment.

He turned and saw… Jane.

The dress she had bought just yesterday was singed and ashened. He also saw as her crimson hair now sported some patches of gray from what Shepard guessed must have been ash.

Jane stared at his brother and began to glare as Shepard just continued to eat his meal.

"Flux?" He asked in a nonchalant way.

Jane sighed and made her way to the living room "Flux…"

John found his fool.

Thursday.

She was late.

After he had made himself a little more presentable he had gone to the appointed location and waited for the good doctor for about two hours longer than expected.

The citadel was entering its night cycle by the time she had deemed it appropriate to arrive. As Shepard looked towards her location with a little bit of disappointment and anger he failed to realize that she was also approaching him with concealed anger.

But not towards him.

"Liara. I see you finally…" She grabbed him by the arm and began to direct him towards one of the many elevators along the presidium "Liara. I…" he tried to ask her where they were going but she just pushed him out of the elevator and began to lead him into a big building he did not recognize.

"I'll explain later" She said in a pissed off thone. Was it something he had done? Shepard did not understand what was going on or why the corridors he was walking through felt familiar but he decided to remain silent and continued to follow the professor as she neared a doubled door and entered into a darkly lit room.

Shepard followed her as Liara led him towards a chair near a podium. As she ordered him to sit down Shepard realized that there were small murmurs present in the room. Were they not alone?

To answer the question all the lights in the room finally lit and showed to him that he somehow managed to find himself in some sort of scientific panel.

Thoroughly confused, he turned towards Liara and saw a smile forming in her still pissed off face.

"All right. You wanted a first hand account to support my research, so I bring you the only person whose account you cannot refute" Oh, he had been catfished.

This was going to be a long night.

Friday.

Being interrogated by a panel of angry scientists wasn't how he expected to have his first outing in several years to go.

He still managed to enjoy how the panel eventually devolved into a sort of biotic brawl as every Asari in the room began to launch biotic blasts at all remaining scientists after the comment of a certain person.

What the hell was that Salarian thinking?

Shepard groaned as the pain from being launched halfway across a room still felt fresh upon his being. These events had left him with more physical damage than all of the missions taken in the past week combined.

To top it all, this event was a complete disaster since Liara did not even thank him as they finally left the now ruined auditorium. What the hell was all that for?

He groaned once again, the comfortable feeling of the mattress felt like an exceptional way to relax his body after the heavy week of pain he had endured.

He heard a knock on his door "Shepard, are you alive?" It was David.

"Barely" was his answer as he began to groan once again "What do you want, captain?" he did not address him as a friend since he was still pissed at him for not warning him in advance about his mother.

David opened the door and sat in the bed next to John "I wanted to apologize, son" Shepard was confused, he turned his head and raised a brow at the captain "Let me explain…" he got up and neared the duffle bag where John had brought some things from the normandy. Mainly his own helmet since he had cleaned it earlier that week "I have not been acting fairly with you, as both your superior and as a friend"

As David grabbed his helmet and began to inspect it, Shepard pondered where this sudden confession came from. As he could not ascertain from where it came he decided to ask David "Anderson, what do you mean by…" he was interrupted as David placed down the helmet and turned to his old friend.

"I'm sorry for a lot of things, son" David began to confess "I have a whole record of things I'm sorry for, mostly things I will never be able to make right…" for some reason he began to make for the door "But at least I think I can make things right with you. Grab your coat and join me for a walk…" he departed the room and left Shepard stunned. He eventually got up and joined Anderson as he was waiting for him at the door.

Once they left the apartment and took the short ride down the elevator Anderson began to lead him through the silversun strip. To him the grand vista of the strip always managed to leave him in awe. Shaking his head he began to follow Anderson once again, they left the most frequented part of the strip and began to make their way down some stairs that lead to one of the ward's lower decks.

They continued to walk for a while longer until David stopped in front of a particular door, the store front felt… familiar "Anderson, why did you bring me here?" Shepard looked up and saw the sign of what the building was, he did not like it.

"I told you I wanted to go for a walk" he then proceeded to enter the bar as Shepard followed him inside the mostly empty building.

They got to the counter and sat in the empty stools. Anderson simply ordered a beer and as Shepard was about to order one for himself Anderson ordered some water for him.

"You must be stupid if you think I will let you have a drink after the stunt you pulled on London" Anderson's comment irritated the commander.

"So you planned to drag me all the way here under the false pretense of an apology and think that I will make the same mistake again?" Sheaprd responded in an irritated manner. And as he said this the barkeep brought two cylinders filled with two distinct liquids.

"I did not lie to you Shepard" Anderson presented the two cylinders to his friend "I came here to tell you the truth but if you want to believe otherwise that is your choice" he extended the cylinder filled with water "But if what you want me to say is a lie to make you feel better then I will do so" he offered him the other cylinder but Shepard could see that he was clutching it tightly.

He was presented with a choice, either he would tell him the truth of what he meant or not.

Shepard eyed the dark liquid, it would be so easy. During all of his missions since the incident in Akuze he felt this strange and disturbing feeling. It called to him every time he was faced with a difficult decision or ir peered at him at the moments he felt the calmest.

This sensation stalked him through his days and hunted him in his nights. It whispered promises of relief and of completeness. It made him act rash, this feeling made him feel like an unstoppable titan while inside he only sensed the small figure of a scared and lonely child.

He hated this feeling… but it had begun to call him more and more frequently. With each passing situation this feeling of want consumed him.

But now…

He eyed the bottle of alcohol with disgust. How could he fall into such a crude trap? He was commander Shepard, he… he…

He felt disgusted at himself.

He thought that only being this paragon of virtue could somehow shield him from falling into the vise that had almost cost him his life.

He had taken to the vise as a way to cope with the feeling of loss and sorrow that he felt after losing so many of his friends in so little time. He had begun to drink since he did not want to…

He shucked his head.

Shepard wasn't the same as before, he had forgiven himself and exalted himself from beyond his grief.

But above all, he now wanted to live.

Shepard took the bottle of water and turned the other cylinder down.

Anderson smiled, he downed the whole cylinder in one sitting so that Shepard couldn't continue to see it anymore.

"I'm sorry, son" he began to confess "for many things in my life. But know that every moment that I watched grow was never one of them" he turned to the commander "But you deserve the truth above it all. Of what was made to you and what we failed to teach you"

"Teach me what?" Shepard said in confusion.

The captain paused for a moment as he turned to see empty space.

"We failed to teach you how not to be like your father" he said with a somber expression.

"Not to be like him?" He was even more confused

Anderson nodded in a slow manner. Shepard saw as some tears began to form on the corner of his eyes "Hannah and I never confessed to you kids the truth about Richard. You were too young to remember and Jane wasn't alive to see him, but he was a wreck Shepard" he turned to the empty bottle.

Shepard saw as tears began to fall down the captain's cheeks "What happened Anderson?" He was curious to know about the ultimate fate of his father.

Anderson smiled as the boy he saw as the son he never had looked at him as he expected for him to tell the truth "Our life wasn't easy, son. Your father and I began our lives as scoundrels in the city of London, even though I had a loving family I somehow managed to mingle with the lowlives that lived near us. That's how I met your father…"

This confession surprised the commander "My father?"

Anderson nodded "Yes, Shepard. He began his life as a tug in the streets of London. But you have to understand, he came from a broken home where his father lost himself in alcohol infused rampages" he then looked at the empty glass with pity "Eventually we both decided to join the alliance and even though he was couple of years older he never treated me with disrespect while I waited for my turn to join. Though I followed a career more oriented towards the groundwork of the army he instead joined the ranks of the navy and strode through the ranks with blinding speed" Anderson smiled "He was a genius" his smile disappeared once again.

Shepard was stunned. He had not been told of the early life of his father for some reason. Now he saw that it was to shield him from the truth.

"Don't take it personal, son. He requested your mother and myself to never tell you the truth. He wanted for you too look at him the way he hoped: a hero" Anderson continued "As I was saying… his work in the navy eventually led to your mother and in time you were born" they both chuckled as Anderson decided to gloss over the images of both his parents courting "I tell you, the day you were born he was the happiest man I had ever seen" his smiled began to flicker.

Shepard considered that the next part might have been painful for his old friend to recall "Anderson If you don't want to…" he was interrupted once again.

"After you were born some problems began to emerge" Shepard was scared about what his friend was going to say "This wasn't your fault, son. Ever since he was a kid, liquor formed a big part of his life for the worse" Anderson gave the empty bottle to the watching barkeep as he signaled him to give them some privacy on this part "He saw it as a cheap way out of any problem. He abused it as a way to hide his insecurities but it eventually consumed him" he turned away from Shepard "He never hurted you or your mother but he gained a certain reputation within the alliance's brass that stunted his career and got him demoted to rear admiral…" Shepard knew where this part of the story was heading "The first contact war took a toll on him, seeing so many brave men and women die tore his soul into pieces. In his last call to me, right before the battle of Shanxi, he confessed to me that he wished to retire once the war was over. He promised to me that once his duty was over he would go back to his family and never look back at another bottle of whiskey…"

Anderson did not continue, the loss of his friend would never be something he was alright with.

They sat in silence for a while longer as the now empty bar served as a painful memory to both of them.

They eventually left the establishment and made their way home.

The bottle of water remained on the counter.

Saturday

Anderson had gone out to work earlier that day. Being left with a now heartbroken Jane and a more cheerful Hannah he found himself in the strange position of enjoying some family time for the first time in forever.

After the cruel revelation that transpired the day before, he felt that he owed his family more attention than what he had given them.

He suspected that David had also confessed to his mother that John now knew the truth. His mother on her part began to act in a more understanding manner.

They were now in David's living room, making use of his entertainment center to see one of Hannah's favorite movies…

Why she liked blasto of all things he could never know. But decided to give her the chance to watch the movie in peace.

*Ring*

A sudden sound from the door startled John as he was beginning to drift off.

He got up and answered the doorbell by seeing who it was through the camera.

He did not expect to be greeted by the sight of doctor Liara T'soni. He immediately cut the feed and slowly turned to see if his family had seen who it was.

Fortunately for him, his mother continued to be engrossed in the weird story being shown while his sister still moped about being rejected by her date the other day.

He opened the door and decided to leave the apartment and saw as the doctor just directed a look of confusion as he signaled her not to make a sound while he slowly closed the door.

"Shepard I'm…" he placed a finger on her lips as a way to signal for her not to speak as he finished closing the door.

Once he was sure that the door was completely closed he finally spoke "Phew. Sorry Liara" Shepard turned to see that the doctor now sported a deep azure blush. Shepard realized what he had been doing and immediately removed his finger from her lips "Sorry" was his answer.

"It's alright Shepard" she began to rub her arm as something was bothering her "Em… I…It's just…" she began to stutter.

Shepard was curious as to what could be bothering her. But quickly remembered the embarrassing experience they both had endured just the other day "Ah. If it is about what happened at your panel then don't worry. I wouldn't blame you for trying to prove your theories to those assholes" he saw as she remained uncomfortable.

"It's… it's not that. I…" Liara began but found that she was stumbling on her own words "I wanted to apologize for misleading you the other day".

"Oh…" Shepard had not been expecting to receive this confession today. Maybe after they had returned to the Normandy, but not today.

"I wasn't clear with my intentions and left you waiting for hours…" she confessed to her wrongdoing but Shepard saw as there was something else under it all.

He placed a hand on his hip and looked at her in an inquisitive manner "Alright. What's bothering you?" Her blush deepened even more as he towered over her. She couldn't possibly….

Could she?

"Commander Shepard?" another voice gained their attention. It came from a turian that Shepard did not recognize. He immediately reacted and placed himself between the stranger and Liara "Sorry to disturb you, sir. I'm with citadel security" true to her word she was wearing the blue uniform he had associated with the police of the citadel.

"Sorry ma'am. How can I help you today?" Shepard relaxed just slightly to not show that he was utterly terrified at what the nice officer lady had to say.

She handed Shepard a data pad with a list of names "Yesterday we apprehended these individuals. All of them deferred to you as their immediate employer and asked for you to intercede for them" Shepard began to comb through the list and saw as each individual had their crimes linked next to them.

Garrus Vakarian (Turian, Male) - Arson, trespassing and multiple accounts of murder.

Urdnot Wrex (Krogan, Male) - Resisting arrest, property damage, murder, impersonation, disruption of public order, trafficking of unknown alien remains, loitering, public drinking, trespassing and theft of a police cruiser.

Tali'Zorah nar Rayya (Quarian, Female) - Trespassing and possession of unidentified technology.

Xiltar (Protoss, Male) - Trespassing and theft of jewelry.

…

What the fuck?

Afterword

I have edited this chapter three times now. If one you finds a spelling mistake please tell me kindly how big of a duffus I am.

Next chapter is on thursday.

Mr guy - What would be the point of the story then? :v (Don't worry m8, hope you find something better).