Good day all,
Please enjoy this next installment of The Making of Grey. This is a pivotal chapter for many reasons – the notes will become a bit heavier after this point. I hope you all enjoy it and are doing well!
Happy Writing,
Eliana
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On any other occasion, his heart would have sung on the edge of this river. The music it created with its gentle babbling water splashing over the long-tumbled rocks harmonized graciously with the breeze that tossed the leaves on the bank about, then danced with the scents of the sweet mountain sorrel and pure pine sap from the world around him. On any other occasion, he would have been happy to take refuge in one of these trees and just let the Living Force take him on a journey with it.
He should have known Ahsoka had a deeper meaning behind her little ruse of calling him here. Of all the things he read and pursued in a day, he always made sure to keep tabs on those around him… but somehow, she had fooled him. She wanted to 'practice a bit more' she had told him a standard hour ago after voluntelling him to eat lunch, and he had fallen for it like a telutti fish. Hook. Line. Sinker. The whole bit.
Now he stood fifteen feet away from her, bare feet pressing into the soft underbed of leaves and pine needles that coated the ground. He had been amused at first when she had pulled off her own boots on the tree line above them, and part of him had given her the benefit of the doubt that she aimed to work on her connection with the Living Force (her given weakness of awareness was his giveaway at her need). Of course, that's not what Ahsoka had in mind.
No, her focus was on him instead. She was on the bank of the river where the water was shallow, just below the boughs of one of the emerald-leaved aluto trees with a long sash in her right hand. She was tying to make herself seem less threatening by holding her shoulders loose and her body tilted slightly away from him – again, had it been any other scenario, he would have applauded her forethought.
This scenario, however, wasn't the right fit for that. Djibourdi could feel his heart in his throat and his stomach plummeting out of his body – the smallest of tremors had made themselves known when they had crossed the threshold of the ridge. Ahsoka had continued walking to the water. He had stopped cold. That's where he was now, throat dry and breath becoming shallow behind the façade that he played for her. Whether he was willing to admit it or not, he was well aware that his friend saw right through him just as she always had.
A soft frown twinged across her lips and her forehead furrowed when she watched him, ever so slightly, shift one foot backward. She had watched him ever since they crossed paths. He hunted through the night and led dozens of people off their trail without ever using his lightsaber. He flew through obstacle courses without his sight, only sound and vibrations to guide him. He stood on raised rocks and fought those clones hand-to-hand without a thought. He went straight into the wilderness to search for the man who had become a shadow of his soul with honor being his only failsafe.
Through all of it, he never flinched.
But here, in the presence of the moving water of the river, he backed away.
She couldn't have that.
"How long is it going to be until you trust me?"
She spoke in a tone that complimented the gently moving water behind her, eyes jumping from her friend's suddenly timid eyes to his shallowly fluttering chest that was struggling to get air. This wasn't just fear – this was terror…the last remaining seed of the dark side planted by his former master. She was going to call it to reckon. How dare it have such control on her friend?!
Djibourdi's throat moved as he forced himself to swallow, then his strangled words carried down to her.
"I told you – it's not you that I don't trust."
She tilted her head.
"You won't hurt me."
"How can you be so sure of that?"
"I trust you," her answer came with a shrug. It had been meant to put him at ease, so when he took a full step back and turned away Ahsoka felt herself grow more concerned.
"Don't let that be your first mistake," he told her, his head held low and shoulders raised as he took a trembling step away from her.
He was trying everything to slow down his breaths. Slow down his mind. Slow down his desire to run as full-tilt as far from that river as he could so that Ahsoka wouldn't be caught in the crossfire of something that she wasn't ready to understand. His struggle to confront the dark was one thing, putting her in harm's way on account of his own failure was another…and if that ever came to pass, it was not forgivable. He had every intention of seeking out his master whom he currently was hiding his signature from to guide him in meditation on what to do when Ahsoka spoke again. It stopped him in his tracks.
"Little brother," she called to him, and despite his panic the breath froze in his lungs.
Her expression softened where she stood planted under the tree, not moving an inch from the spot she had chosen. Whether it was that he finally understood that she was aware of what they were or that she had been bold enough to call him out in his panic that made him stop, she wasn't sure – but she was going to use it to her advantage.
"Are you afraid?"
That seemed like a foolish question, but to her credit she had chosen a clever tactic. She had chosen to bring his master into this conversation… and she was overjoyed that it worked. His shoulders still raised and arms slightly shaking, he raised his head, then glanced over his shoulder. First at the ground, then to her.
"Yes."
It was an agonizingly soft admission, but enough for her to get a hold of. She softened her eyes, then asked as encouragingly as she could:
"What is its purpose?"
Djibourdi opened his mouth to answer but instead found that he needed to suck in a breath. He did so shakingly as he turned to face away from her, golden irises hidden behind red eyelids that squeezed shut over them. Ahsoka was set to wait him out, but the wait didn't last long.
She watched him churn and burn that terror inside of him, that dark seed that she couldn't wait to demolish in her hands grappling for control before his body rose with a deep breath. Then, hesitantly, he turned and picked his way down to her. She had yet to shift when he came to a stop less than an arm's length away from her.
Despite his taller height his body had hunched over to the point of him having to gaze up at her – and the unrestrained trepidation and concern for her in his gaze filled her with the desire to grab him and shake the feeling free. Could he not think of himself just for once?!
"You won't hurt me," she assured him again, slowly moving to toss the sash she carried across her shoulder and then moving to incrementally grab his hands in her own. When the touch wasn't rejected, she gave them a gentle squeeze to try and soothe the frayed nerves, "I trust you. Repeat after me: I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me."
He did. Then they spoke together.
I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.
Then again.
I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.
I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.
With each repetition she watched his shoulders lower and his head rise, until he stood back to his full height and squeezed her hands searching for reassurance. She was quick to give it.
"You are not your old master. He has no more power here," Ahsoka reminded him and then, probing, "Do you trust me?"
At his affirmative:
"Then close your eyes."
After a slight hesitation he did, and after a final rub of her thumbs across his knuckles she let his hands go to retrieve the sash over her shoulder. He didn't move as it wove around his eyes and under his lekku, Ahsoka's hands moving with focused diligence to bind the cloth just enough to ensure he couldn't see past it. When her hands found his again, the anxiety began to bubble once more. Almost as though she could sense it, she talked him down.
"Deep breath, Dji. We aren't moving yet… we have all the time we need. Breathe."
He did. She moved again, bringing their hands up to bend at their elbows and then shifted their palms to rest, parallel to each other but not touching, with their fingers resting on each other's pulse points. She could feel his heart hammering away under her touch.
"Through all the sounds and vibrations around us, pick one. Only one. It will be your guide."
He chose her heartbeat. It was steady and strong where it beat against his fingertips, just as strong as her presence was when he sought her through the Force. Childish or not, he could feel the relief of not being alone on the edge of this trial – so much so that the sound of Ahsoka's voice humming in his montrals allowed him to let out the grateful rumbles he hoped she understood.
"Everything else has to fall away," she was saying to him, her presence seeping through the light touch on his wrist and molding over him, "I'm not going to leave you. You are one with the Force, and the Force is with you."
That mantra echoed around him as some part of his brain registered that they had begun to move. Ahsoka wisely led him around their dry ground first, moving them in their careful dance around the tree roots and small ferns that decorated the earth beneath their feet. She wanted to ensure he was comfortable and confident first and then, once she watched him move smoothly and the creased stress lines near his eyes vanish, she moved their path toward the river.
Everything was well…until his feet touched the water. The reaction was immediate.
His head tossed back with a sharp echo of warning from his montrals, the flash of sharp white teeth streaking in front of her eyes as he moved to backpedal. Her hands shot to grab ahold of his before they could fly up to protect himself, her grip strong but as gentle as she could manage against the sudden surge of terror. He was desperately trying to convince himself to stand down, fighting the urge to strike at his friend who held his hands and run as hard as he could from here. He didn't want to hurt her – he couldn't hurt her – but instinct demanded him to move.
The best middle ground he could manage was to hold that energy hostage in his tensed position and shake his head to try and clear the lightning bolt of thoughts that ripped through his mind.
The water was ice cold, biting and vicious as it poured into his lungs.
His instinct demanded that he fight for air as it refused to fill his lungs, to bolt away from this danger.
Those hands, the ones that had been intended to protect him, held him there, surrendering his soul unwillingly to the dark depths of the lake.
The hands that held his felt different, yet screamed danger all the same. He couldn't let it happen again – he would kill whoever they belonged to before they could pull him into the stabbing depths.
The feeling of damnation it brought was palpable.
This was Ahsoka – he couldn't harm Ahsoka, damnation or no.
"You have to pick one, Djibourdi. Pick one!" Ahsoka's voice cut through those screaming scenes and he clung to it, the desire to find his way back to the light outweighing the depths of the dark.
He chose her voice, the warm pulsating sound that stretched through the dark and gave him something to hold on to – it was his lifeline, his guide. It grabbed ahold of him, warm and careful, light pushing back against the encroaching dark. Suddenly, he could breathe again.
"That's better….see? You're okay," she repeated to him, forever grateful that the seized muscles of her friend's body began to loosen to her words and his mouth opened to draw in a full breath, "You won't hurt me, Dji. I trust you. Repeat after me: I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me."
He did. Then they spoke together.
I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.
Then again.
I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.
I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.
When her fingers found his wrists and his hers, the steadying rhythm of her pulse guided him into the shallow current and over the smooth rocks. His lips twitched and the fearful clicks sounded from his montrals, but there was a major change. Though she was sure he wouldn't hear her over his focus Ahsoka still spoke to him calmly, shushing the sounds as they tread across the river's width. And then back.
And then again.
I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.
Then again.
I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.
It echoed in his mind as Ahsoka turned them to wade toward where the river snaked by camp, drawing them into slightly deeper water as they slowly aimed where the light cut through the shaded cover of the trees.
"I won't leave you. You are one with the Force, and the Force is with you."
When the water reached its deepest it tickled the bottoms of their calves, and she pulled them to a stop. By then Sam and Rex had caught sight of them and were making swift work of redirecting the clones around the banks who hadn't seen the two padawans slowly making their way from the coverage of the foliage. With an understood sense of urgency, she noted the Reapers pulling the temporary bridge over the river out of the water where they were heading. She made a mental note to thank them later.
"Alright mister, I'm going to take this off," she told her friend smoothly, the tips of her fingers ghosting up his arms and shoulder to reach for the cloth she had bound around his face. Her touch was intended to keep him grounded and calm before she attempted her next step, "You aren't gonna run around all crazy and make me look bad, are you?"
He didn't, instead keeping his eyes closed once it was pulled free and bound harmlessly to Ahsoka's waist. He didn't fight her when she restored their hands to their sensing position, he offered no pushback when she softly gave the command… nor did he offer complaint when she prompted him again with a firmer tone.
"Open your eyes, Dji."
That he fought her on, a curt shake of his head and trembling breath proving to her that they were winning against the dark. The dark feared the light, and it was giving one final snap of its hellish teeth to her to in an attempt gain control of her friend. Ahsoka would not allow that. She hummed to call to the timid soul of her friend, then pushed again.
"You are stronger than the dark. The Force is with you, and I will not leave you. Open your eyes, Dji."
Djibourdi did, darting irises settling on her cerulean ones. She gave him a nod of affirmation.
"Good. Watch my eyes, don't look away," she commanded him calmly, then ordered, "Walk with me."
Together they waded down the babbling water slowly, each step drawing them further from the shaded cover of the old growth trees and into the warm sunlight.
A short time later Eddy came rushing into the tent where Tombur and Anakin sat fiddling with some of the wiring and data pads that had been brought back the day before, their hushed voices going silent and both sets of hands reaching for their lightsabers at his sudden entrance. Had the situation not been so important, the doctor might have been embarrassed. Instead, out of breath, he looked from one Jedi to the other and rasped out:
"You have to see this."
Clearly neither one knew how to respond to that as they looked to each other for guidance, and then decided to follow his lead as he hurriedly gestured them out of their current holding spot. He led them to an outcrop of stoney ground about a hundred yards from the edge of the water and a slight elevation above it. The clones that had gathered there let them by with murmured acknowledgements as they moved to stand next to Rex and Sam whose attention was focused upriver.
It didn't require effort to see what had caught the attention of the clones and the Reapers who stood protectively on the opposite bank. Unmediated and unashamed Anakin smiled; his voice warm as he spoke aloud:
"Atta girl, Ahsoka."
Tombur could mirror the feeling though his face stayed stoic. He was focusing his energy on reaching out through the bond he shared with Djibourdi, testing the feedback he received – and was pleased when it was honest. Timidity against courage, self-deprecation pit against self-assurance, all mixed in a rumbling collage of emotions that were grounded by his padawan. Djibourdi didn't waste the energy to try and lie to him, and he didn't bother trying to waste his attention downplaying it.
He Instead stayed well within himself where he waded in the water with Ahsoka – not behind her. Beside her. Eyes on the water, the sky, the plants, the clones. She was walking with him to his left, her hands loosely at her side. As they traveled to be parallel to where their masters stood Djibourdi glanced to Ahsoka in the slightest moment of timidity at being seen… but when she smiled, he did too, and allowed her to loop an arm across his shoulders and pull him closer so their temples met.
Their trek didn't stop until they had crossed the expanse of the shallow water all the way down to the waterfall on the far end and out of sight of their observers, the Reapers stalking amongst the tree line a good distance away. When they reached that end, before they moved to exit the river, Ahsoka called Djibourdi's attention. Without a word she gestured back to the way they came, the smoothly rolling water lapping at their calves and legs.
He followed her gesturing hand back up the river and then looked back to her. Then down. After a second those honey colored eyes met hers again, the look a mix of wise warning and a childish dare, and from his lips fell the simple statement:
"I would like to do it again."
Just like that Ahsoka chuckled and held a hand out in invitation back upriver.
"After you."
It went like that as they trekked their way back to where they had started, faster this time and without hesitation. Ahsoka held the hope that this light had finally drowned out the dark, and as the sun set on the mountains behind their camp, she got her first real glimpse at the answer. Three standard hours after their exercise her friend stood, boots on and waiting on the edge of the ridge that led to where they had been. His red skin was bathed in sunlight as he stared unblinkingly at the Echani who stood next to where Ahsoka had come to rest, perched on the railing of the camp wall.
They had been engaged in this staring contest for a bit now, though the tremors in the Force between them clued Ahsoka in that it wasn't just some foolish game. Tombur was testing something, and when Djibourdi shifted just slightly and released a long breath that misted in the chilly evening air he finally spoke.
"Alright then, Big Red," he spoke hardly loud enough for Ahsoka to hear beside him, not tearing his gaze away just yet, "Let's show them what you're made of."
He turned and strode down the wall and across the path with measured steps, hardly acknowledging the Reapers who brought themselves to attention then moved so he could pass. Ahsoka watched that interaction between them start again when Tombur got close enough and then, no words spoken, her friend trilled with a slight jump and moved to trot alongside his master. She could feel his excitement from where she was when they slowly began to pick up their pace incrementally –
Once she discovered that Djibourdi and Tombur, two very separate souls, could move as one – their silent conversation turned out to be perfectly glorious. They were away, just the two of them. Wild and reckless like lightning licking across the land. Racing the kybuck who spooked out from the trees, seemingly flying with the startled waterfowl who took flight as they tore through the fields and the river. Two blurs of white and red, observed by the one unstartled stag on the mountainside and the two pairs of eyes (one on the mountain and one in the trees), the Fox and the Rabbit were kissed by the cool light of the moons as they ran from the daylight.
No one could convince nor command Ahsoka to surrender her place on the wall where she waited for them to return. It was a standard hour's wait before they reappeared again, and by then the night calls of the birds and insects had filled the night with calm. That picture burned into her memory and would stay with her forever.
The look that Tombur had fixed his padawan with was hard for her to read, but the peaceful look that molded her friend's face told her all that she needed to know. The dark had lost. That much she was certain of when they both calmly waded over the shallow water of the river after breaking out from the trees, no note of hesitation from the Togruta. A smile graced her lips when they drew near, and it turned confused as the gates swung open below her to grant them access.
Tombur stopped and Djibourdi leapt with a measured move to the top of one of the doors so that he balanced an arm's length below her, standing on the slim sheet of durasteel and holding out his gift to her. The ca'ula flower, the one she recognized as it glimmered happily in the light of the moons, was offered up to her with a grateful smile – and it was accepted by a cherished grin.
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I hope you all enjoyed it. Here's to the future I have set for Djibourdi, Ahsoka, and their masters and friends – I hope, in time, they will see why the trials I have set will come to pass.
-Eliana