Ranma 1/2, High School DxD, Darkstalkers and the rest are owned by their respective owners. I own nothing.

If only I did.

Chapter 18

It was the middle of the day that found Ranma, Lilith, Asmodeus, Lillie, Hayate, Vita, Reinforce Zwei and Kunou on the train back to Kuoh City. As the group took the train to Kuoh, Ranma gave Asmodeus an annoyed look. "You need to stop doing that to Rein."

She gave him a flat stare. "Can you give up having sex for any length of time?" Ranma was about to answer when she floated up and poked him in the forehead. "Don't give me any bullshit answer, have you, since you first got laid, got any real length of time without getting any tail?"

Ranma closed his mouth and grumbled.

Asmodeus had a smug look on her face. She rolled her eyes when she felt the glares she was getting from the others. "Alright, listen, I'll lay off on trying to seduce the only one that's around my height if you hurry up with this stupid thing to turn me into some sort of fusion device."

Ranma looked at Hayate, who shook her head. "How long do you think it will take?"

"Sorry, I don't know." Hayate smiled sadly. "It might take a few months, even with the notes that you somehow came up with." She gave Ranma a curious look. "How did you come up with that so fast, big brother?"

"I cheated." Ranma told her. "Anyway, you're going to love Kuoh..." He paused as a worrying thought came to his mind. "Whatever you do though, don't start talking about boobs with Issei."

Hayate tilted her head and nodded, wondering what would be so bad if she talked about boobs to someone. "You got it."

Ranma wondered if she understood, but decided to not press the issue as he leaned back in his seat. "Good, I'm going to rest before we get back then."

After Ranma closed his eyes, Hayate frowned softly. 'Does this Issei person not like boobs? I must help fix the error of his ways! No one should dislike boobs!'

(-)

Meanwhile...

Akeno looked at Asia, who had a contemplative look on her face as the two of them walked through the school hallway. "Is something wrong?"

Asia let out a small gasp and looked at Akeno. "Oh! I'm sorry," she smiled nervously at the older woman, "I was just deep in thought and I'm having a hard time focusing these days." The smaller blonde sighed softly. "With Rias's pregnancy, I guess I'm just worried about her and the baby."

Akeno nodded with a small smile. "Yes, I understand. I feel sorry for Rossweisse though, it's her turn to babysit Rias."

Asia sweat-dropped heavily as she remembered the last time that Rossweisse had to make sure that Rias didn't get too out of control. "Do you think she'll end up dressed in a gingerbread cookie outfit again?"

"I'm hoping for the bunny outfit that Rias shoved Irina into last week." None of them blamed Rias for acting out. The poor girl was under a lot of stress and having people, rightly or wrongly, upset at Issei for getting her pregnant didn't help. The fact that she was acting childish and doing silly things when someone babysat her was acceptable to everyone.

Besides, the first time Rias's pregnancy hormones started to go out of control, she wandered into town in a daze, bought everything from four toy stores and broke down crying in the middle of a park until Issei, Koneko and Xenovia had found her. It was quickly decided after that incident that Rias would have at least one person babysitting her at all times, in case she tried to do something like wander off in the middle of night while looking for a fifteen gallon tub of ice cream.

Which happened only three weeks ago.

There was a loud crash that had everyone gasping and looking to the source of the sound.

In the center of the hallway was Koneko and Atsuko both sitting on the floor with several large metal sheets around them. "Sorry." Atsuko laughed as she helped Koneko pick up the items. The objects weren't so big that they were taking up the hallway, but they were large enough that they would be obscuring each girl's vision. "Don't mind us!"

"...What the heck are they doing with that stuff?" Akeno asked as she and Asia followed after them to see just what was going on. More than a few people followed as well.

The two girls made their way to the gym where Issei, Gasper and Ophis were putting something together.

"We got the metal sheets!" Atsuko called out and Issei smiled.

"Great!" He blinked in surprise at the crowd that had come in. "Oh, hey, come to see us make a miniature Gundam?"

"...That's what this is about?" A male voice asked as Saji walked forward. "There was a huge commotion, how'd you get permission to make this?"

"Oh, Sona-taichou asked us to make a couple miniature Gundams." Issei explained and Saji stared in surprise. "She said something about needing props for something."

The crowd mostly dispersed, outside of Akeno, Asia and Saji, all three of which decided to help bring the miniature Gundam statues together.

"Ah, there you are." A voice said and everyone turned to see Sona and Tsubaki walking into the gym. "Issei Hyuudou, I thank you for helping me with this experiment." She looked at the two miniature Gundams. "Though I'm not sure why you chose this, I did just say that I needed something that was similar in shape to the human body."

"So what is this for, anyway?" Issei asked while the others looked on curiously as well.

"I'm trying a new type of magnetic magic." Sona told him. "Think of it like puppet magic, but instead of manipulating a corpse or using our clan's water power to control a human body, I'd like to try it on something like this."

"Ah, that makes..." Issei trailed off. "Wait, you can control people's bodies?!"

Sona gave Issei a neutral look. "The spells to do so are only known by the clan head and his or her spouse. When I take over as the head of the Sitri Clan, I will be given privy to those spells. Rest assured, such a thing is only meant for war and not for simple things like Rating Games."

"...But you could." Issei confirmed and Sona nodded with an annoyed look on her face. "...So you could have..."

"If I had those spells, Hyuudou, I still wouldn't have used them on you to keep you from peeping on me in the shower all those times." Sona said while her face was slightly flush.

"I've been good lately." Issei said and Sona nodded.

"Yes, which is the only reason that I let you know about this." Sona looked at the miniature Gundams. "Ultimately, I'd like to have magic amplification crystals in small flying drones around me that I can control with a thought to help increase my spells and power."

Issei sweat-dropped at the description. "What? Ranma's basically Kira Yamato in his Balance Break and you want to be Char?"

"...I have no idea who Char is." Sona admitted to him, "however, you are correct in one thing. Ranma's Balance Break allows him to control independent flying objects to increase the ways he can fire attacks. Something similar would be beneficial to me."

Issei sweat-dropped and wondered if he'd have to worry about all of Sona's peerage having something similar in the future. "Great..." He muttered and walked away. "D'draig, are we going to have to develop something like that?"

The gem on his left wrist started to flash. "I don't have that ability right now. You're still trying to figure out how to unlock that Mastered form fully."

The two watched as Sona used her magic to make one of the miniature Gundams move. At first, she just used her arm and had the machine follow her movements. She lowered her arm and frowned as the miniature Gundam continued to move, but much slower.

"I suddenly have a lot more respect for what Ranma can do so casually." Sona muttered as she shook her head. "This is obviously something that will take some practice." She turned to Issei and nodded to him. "Again, thank you for doing this for me."

"Hey, no problem." Issei said with a wave. "Anyway, see ya, classes will be starting up pretty soon for the rest of the day."

Sona nodded as Issei left with the others.

(-)

"So this is Kuoh City?" Vita asked as Ranma led her and Hayate through the streets. "What's so special about this place?"

"The random super boobs that wander through." Lilith smirked and Vita twitched. "But I'm sure that won't be a..." There was a thump and Lilith turned to see Vita on her back. "Are you okay?" She then looked at what Vita ran into. "Oh wow, I've heard of "speak of the Devil and she'll appear" but it didn't need to be so literal." Lilith muttered as she saw Happosai's master, who was blinking as she looked at the group.

Vita groaned and stood up, looking at what had hit her. "Who the...?" She trailed off as she looked up. "What the fuck?! Those mutant things are bigger than his pregnant fox of a wife!" She pointed at Ranma, who rolled his eyes.

"AHH!" Kunou yelled and pointed at the woman in question. "You're the one who used her boobs to save Mother's life!"

Ranma chuckled at the Devil. "Hey, what brings you back into town? It's been awhile." He paused as he heard heavy breathing and he looked at Hayate. "Uh..."

"Big brother, those boobs are from another world! I must feel them!"

The woman laughed and knelt down and opened her arms. "Dive in."

"BANZAI!" Hayate yelled and jumped, face-first, into the woman's large breasts, sinking into them. "Mmmm! It's marshmallows, clouds and water all in one."

The next thing the Devil knew, Asmodeus was right next to Hayate and snuggling the large breasts.

"I might have accidentally created all the succubi in reality, but I don't think any of them had boobs this great!" Asmodeus squealed in delight.

"Well, my mother was a succubus." The Devil commented as she thought about her family. "Anyway, I was looking for Happi, but I can't find him."

"The last I heard, he was in Hell, stealing panties." Ranma told her and her eyes widened.

"Oh no!" She gently pushed Hayate and Asmodeus off of her chest and stood up. "I must go save him! Who knows what kinds of horrible things are being done to him?!"

Ranma and Lilith both sweat-dropped, knowing Hell wasn't too bad. "When was the last time you were home?"

"About three hundred years ago." She admitted. "Bye bye!" She disappeared in a flash of blue and black light.

"Awww!" Both Hayate and Asmodeus pouted and Ranma sighed before grabbing Asmodeus.

"Hayate, you'll live without her boobs. Trust me, you'll love what you see at Kuoh Academy." Ranma smirked at his little sister, who nodded and the group made their way through the city again.

(-)

Tsubaki stood at the gates to Kuoh Academy as school was let out for the day and sighed softly. Most of the students had already left, except for those who had club activities, and she was just waiting for her King to leave the school before she could leave as well.

She turned just in time to see a girl wearing casual clothes, brown hair and blue eyes who was around twenty centimeters shorter than her looking up at her with stars in her eyes. "Ah, can I help you?"

"Wow, you're so pretty." The girl gushed as she looked at Tsubaki, which caused the normally stoic girl to jerk in surprise. She giggled and stepped back. "I apologize for that, I couldn't help myself. My name is Hayate Yagami."

"Ah," Tsubaki gave a small bow to Hayate, "I am Tsubaki Shinra, and I thank you for the compliment. May I ask if you are thinking of transferring to our school? Or perhaps you are moving into the city?"

Hayate smiled at her. "Well, big brother said that I'd have a good sight to see when I got to the academy, I didn't think that it was a beautiful woman like you though."

Tsubaki felt her cheeks turning slightly pink from all the praise. "Ah, so, who's your..." She trailed off as she saw who was behind Hayate. "You're back?"

"Just for a bit." Ranma admitted. "But, hey, Tsubaki, mind if we go to the clubroom?" She shook her head and Ranma smiled at her. "Thanks."

(-)

A few minutes later...

Azazel had an amused look on his face as the girl who introduced herself as Hayate Yagami could only stare in shock and awe at Akeno, Xenovia, Irina and Atsuko.

"Big brother... Is this Heaven?" Hayate asked, her voice soft. "No! It's better than Heaven! Boobs as perfect as these and on so many women can only be manufactured somewhere by someone who truly understands the best nature of humanity!"

"I fear when she and Issei meet." Azazel muttered softly, though he imagined it would be hilarious.

"Speaking of terrible things to happen." Ranma muttered as he held Asmodeus in a barrier again. "I told you to behave."

"It's not my fault!" Asmodeus protested as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Your daughter is too cute! I just wanted to feel her butt."

Ranma sighed and looked at Lilith and then at Azazel. "Excuse me, I need to deal with her."

Azazel nodded as Ranma and Lilith left the room.

(-)

After entering the old club room, Ranma closed the door behind himself and Lilith. "You know, mother," Lilith gave Asmodeus an annoyed look, "I'm getting tired of you trying to do things that even I'm not allowed to do."

"I can't help myself!" Asmodeus cried. "But what does it matter at this point?"

Ranma and Lilith both grinned as Ranma put a seal on the door and Lilith tapped the barrier that Asmodeus was trapped in, causing her arms and legs to be bound to the sides of the barrier.

"You're right about one thing, you need to get the edge taken off." Ranma said and Asmodeus's eyes widened as the inside of the box changed, turning mostly pink. "Minor tentacle demons from Makai. They were originally created to clean bodies... But they ended up being too thorough as they clean both inside and outside."

"Ah..." Asmodeus gasped as her clothing was torn off while the slimy tentacles wrapped around her body. "Is this a reward?" Her eyes sparkled in delight. "My first tentacle experience!"

"You won't think that in a few hours when they're not stopping." Ranma said as he put the trapped Devil on a corner table. "Have fun."

"Is it wrong that the thought of my mother being tentacled is making me so wet?" Lilith asked and Ranma gave her an amused look.

"Lilith, you know incest doesn't bother you in the slightest." Ranma said as he pulled her in for a kiss. After a moment, they stopped making out and watched as Asmodeus had several tentacles shoved into her holes, causing her throat and stomach to bulge while her fingers, hands, toes and feet were covered by the tentacles while they squirmed and wiggled around her body.

(-)

Meanwhile...

Hayate laughed as she listened to a story that Akeno told her about the time that Ranma had brought some instant Jusenkyou packets to the club room. "So everyone was able to just swap genders and those two," she pointed to Irina and Xenovia, "became animals?"

"It was quite the fun experience." Irina said with a smile on her face. "While I would not wish to have that on me permanently, the experience was rather enjoyable."

"What's so weird is how natural it felt." Xenovia commented as she thought back to what she had gone through. "While my mind was still there, the idea of moving around on four legs should have been hard, but I instinctively knew how to do it."

"Ah!" Irina's eyes lit up as she saw some people walking down the hallway to the door to the room. "Issei!"

"Huh?" Hayate turned around to see a brown-haired young man walking to the room with a couple of other people. "Ah! That must be who big brother mentioned! I need to talk to him!"

"Huh?" More than one person asked and Vita, who was sitting on a couch nearby, just groaned as Hayate walked out of the room.

"This is going to be stupid, isn't it?" Vita grumbled and wondered just what kind of craziness that was going to happen next.

Azazel nodded in agreement and subtly used some magic to keep the door open just so he and the others could listen in.

In the hallway, Hayate saw that Issei was with two young-looking girls, one with white hair, yellow eyes, one who looked like an anime character that she had seen once. 'I think her name started with a T, but it's been too long since I saw that show.' The last one was a girly-looking boy with blonde hair. Most people would be confused by the way he looked and the fact that he was crossdressing, but Hayate knew.

For some reason, she just had really good instincts to know if someone was a boy or a girl. The only time that it was thrown off was when she had to deal with both a crossdressing girl and a crossdressing boy and they had perfected acting like the opposite gender.

When asked about it, Hayate often joked it was because she had spent so much of her life fondling boobs that she just knew if someone was a girl or not simply because they had boobs.

Hayate walked up to Issei and smiled at him as he stopped to greet her. "Hello. You're the Issei my big brother told me about?"

"Uh..." Issei blinked in confusion at the shorter girl who was giving him a calculating look. "I guess..."

"I see... Oh!" Hayate smiled and rubbed the back of her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. My name is Hayate Yagami and..." She pouted at him. "There are so many wonderful women around you that have glorious boobs! How can you not like boobs?!" She blurted out, causing a large crash in the background that sounded like several people face-faulted at once.

"I don't?" Issei muttered in confusion.

"He doesn't?" Ophis, Koneko and Gasper all asked at the same time.

"I was told not to talk to you about boobs." Hayate answered him. "What else could it be? It's so horrible too. To not like boobs and being around so many girls with perfect boobs. I can understand that some people like butts more, after all, Nanoha-chan always comments on how perfect Fate-chan's butt is, but you can't just ignore boobs." She pointed at the three behind Issei. "Is that why you're with these three? Because they are the size that you like?"

"Ah, I think you're..."

Hayate blushed and smiled. "I mean, have you tried just fondling boobs? I'm sure that you can find someone who has nice boobs to let you squeeze, fondle and nuzzle."

Issei suddenly got a gleam in his eyes. "Yes ma'am! I don't really care for boobs, but I don't get to fondle them nearly as much as I'd like."

There was another loud crash as it sounded like an entire room had fallen over.

Koneko felt her eyes twitching and she turned to Gasper. "Gaspy, Rias-senpai was heading this way. Please go get her before Issei-senpai decides that he really doesn't like boobs. If that happens, Rias-senpai will make all of us wear something embarrassing to school for a month." Gasper nodded, before turning and fleeing the hallway.

"You poor, poor soul." Hayate said with a pout and grabbed his right hand. "To think that you have so many lovely women near you and none of them let you grab their boobs. The horrors of not knowing what it's like to fondle and feel boobs." Her eyes widened as she looked at Koneko and Ophis, both of whom had confused looks on their faces. "Unless..." She gasped in horror. "No! You're a lolicon?!"

There was an even larger thumping sound that was accompanied by several desks and chairs crashing.

Issei face-faulted as well. "HUH?!"

"She's got you there, Issei-senpai." Koneko said with a small grin on her face as Issei gave her a look of betrayal. "After all, you love shoving your dick into my ass."

Hayate gasped in horror and hugged Koneko. "Oh, you poor dear. Don't worry, I'll protect you from this evil lolicon who doesn't like boobs." She gave Issei a dirty look. "Sullying a young girl before she's old enough to have boobs! How could you?"

"It's fine, actually." Koneko said as Hayate let go of her. "Issei-senpai does like to fuck my ass, but he's not a lolicon."

"...That doesn't make any sense." Hayate muttered. "But still..." She gave Issei a look of pity. "To think that you don't like boobs and..."

"What?!" A new voice yelled and Hayate turned and saw Rias, who was looking at Issei with tears in her eyes. "My Issei doesn't like boobs anymore?! No!" The pregnant redhead suddenly lunged at Issei, tackling him to the ground. "Issei! No! Don't fall for the temptation of butts! While I and Akeno have nice butts, I take more pride in my chest. Please! Tell me that my boobs are still the boobs that you really like!"

Issei blinked and an idea came to him. "I don't know, Rias... I don't get to fondle your boobs enough lately..."

"You can fondle my boobs right now if you want!" Rias cried out and grabbed Issei's hands and put them on her milk-filled chest. "Please?! I like it when you grab, squeeze and suck on my boobs at night."

Hayate stared in shock and twitched. "...I think I misread the situation somehow."

(-)

After getting Ranma and Lilith out of the old classroom and explaining what happened, Ranma just facepalmed while Azazel and Lilith were on the floor, doubled over with laughter. "You seriously thought that because I told you not to talk to Issei about boobs that he didn't like talking about them?" Ranma asked Hayate.

"What else was I supposed to think?!" Hayate protested over Azazel and Lilith's laughter while the room was cleaned up by several others.

"You could have just asked us if Issei likes boobs or not." Akeno said with an eye-twitch. "Also, why did you tell your cute little sister not to talk about boobs with Issei?" She asked as she finished picking up papers and putting them on the desk.

"I was worried that the two of them would bond and go on a groping rampage." Ranma told her and twitched as Azazel and Lilith's laughter increased at that. "I could have worded it better."

"Aww, too bad though." Hayate said with the snap of her fingers. "I was going to let big brother's friend grope my boobs to show him the awesomeness of boobs."

Ranma twitched and looked at Vita. "Can I borrow your hammer?"

Vita blinked a few times before grabbing the pendant around her neck, which transformed into a croquet mallet, which caught the attention of more than a few people in the room. "Why?"

"Because..." Ranma gave Issei a dirty look. "I need to punish the pervert who tried to take advantage of my little sister."

"Oh come on!" Issei yelled as Ranma chased him out of the room.

It was obvious to everyone that neither of them were putting any effort into the chase and were likely just using it to get away from the room as Azazel and Lilith continued to laugh on the floor like crazy people.

"That was interesting." Akeno said as she sat down next to Vita on the couch. "I've seen some similar things before, but that wasn't anything I was used to. What was that?"

"An Armed Device that I use for various magical spells and attacks." Vita told her. "I'm not harmless without it, but it helps me cast a large swath of spells."

"Interesting, I'd love to learn more about stuff like this." Akeno said with a smile. "I might not look like it, but I do enjoy learning about new spells and ways to cast magic."

"Well, it's an ancient weapon that's been around for thousands of years now and..." Vita trailed off as the door to the room opened up and two blonde girls walked in.

"Um..." The smaller of the two looked around and sighed in confusion. "Can someone explain to Yukiko and myself why Ranma is chasing Issei around with a hammer, why Azazel and Lilith are laughing and who these new people are?"

Akeno giggled. "Sure, Asia."

End Chapter 18

What? I needed a silly misunderstanding to happen.