After what seemed like a surprisingly short two hours, they finally rolled onto the Pierce's street, which was almost full of houses decked in holiday lights, the Pierce residence included. "Oh! We're off to a great start on our Christmas light hunt," Brittany giggled, patting Santana's leg. She was grinning ear to ear, thrilled to see her family and thrilled to have Santana home with her, knowing that it would be good for her to be surrounded by the Pierces during the holidays.
Her dad cut the ignition and went around back to handle their bag while Brittany opened the door and climbed out, offering a hand to Santana afterwards. "You okay?" She checked, knowing being in the familiar neighborhood for the first time in years may be off putting for her.
Santana noticeably perked up as they pulled into Brittany's street, familiar and comfortable surroundings to her. She smiled, leaning forward to look out the window past Brittany as she saw the decorated houses and yards, taking it all in with clear interest and enjoyment. She nodded at Brittany's comment on their Christmas hunt, asking Tom, "Is your house decorated this year?"
As they pulled into the driveway, Santana's stomach flipped briefly from a mix of nerves and excitement. Seeing the familiar, safe exterior of Brittany's house as she had so many times before felt like coming home, more so than it would to pull into her own former home by far, and she felt a strange blend of comfort, nostalgia, and tension as she took it in. Thankful when Brittany offered her hand, she took it as they began to walk up the driveway to the front door.
"Yeah," she nodded acknowledgment, and almost entirely meant it. "Okay. Let's go, I bet your mom is peeking out the window ready to burst through the door."
She giggled when Santana suggested that Kate was probably peeking out the window, glancing up toward her house to see if any of the shades were bent with an amused expression. Brittany kept her hand in Santana's as they crossed the porch and she turned the knob with her free hand, instantly stepping into the light and warmth of the home.
"Girls?" Her mother's voice carried down the hallway, and she poked her head out from the kitchen at the back of the house, a smile already on her features. "Girls! Hailey, they're here." Katherine Pierce called up the stairs as she passed, pulling Brittany into her arms and holding her tight to her. "Hi Baby," She greeted, rubbing her daughters back briefly before releasing her, greeting Santana with a warm hug next, albeit, one that wasn't as a tight.
"And Santana! Oh, look at you two!" Kate gushed, "You both look great, I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you."
She smiled, glancing behind her at the footsteps on the stairs as Hailey came down, a blur of blonde crashing into Brittany's body.
"Don't even tell me you're my height now," Brittany laughed at her 17 year old sister as they embraced, before Hailey mimicked her mother and gave Santana a one armed hug with an "Oh my God, it's so good to see you!"
"Oh, she wasn't in the window, I bet she jumped back as soon as I said it just to make me wrong," Santana murmured to Brittany, but she was smiling as soon as she heard Katherine's voice. Her smile widened as Katherine came into view, and she hugged her back, slightly hesitantly at first, then with more ease as she got used to it.
"Hi," Santana greeted her back, rolling her eyes with a now slightly self conscious smile as Katherine told her she looked great. "You lie, you would say that if I came in looking like Quinn during her weird skank phase."
She smiled at Hailey as Hailey gave her a quick hug too, looking her up and down with wide, startled eyes. "My god, what do they feed you Pierces, magic growing beans? Why are you all like six feet tall, you're supposed to be still in overalls and pigtails."
Brittany giggled at Santana's comment, keeping their hands linked as Santana was welcomed by her family, knowing Santana trusted them and knew them but also wasn't used to people touching her who weren't Brittany or Rachel. Still, she could tell it had been the right choice to tell her family what happened because their greetings were quick and gentle and they gave Santana space as they all reunited.
"Oh my God," Hailey rolled her eyes at Santana's comment, "Brittany's still taller," She pointed out, "I'm the shortest one in my family technically." That much was true, but she was still taller than Santana, a little more lanky than Brittany with her hair a few shades darker and brown-eyed, although the resemblance between them was still stark.
"Language," Katherine playfully scolded Santana's use of the word skank, this time, both Pierce girls rolled their eyes.
"Yeah okay Mom," Hailey said sarcastically, knowing all three of them were adults now and Katherine herself definitely wasn't a saint. Katherine grinned, shaking off her daughters and kissing Thomas hello as he came through the door with their bag, disappearing a moment later upstairs to deposit it in Brittany's room.
"Well, come on girls, take off your coats and everything. Your dad and I are going to dinner with Judy and Hailey undoubtedly has very important plans with very important people, so you girls are on your own for dinner, but we won't be out late," Katherine slid her eyes to Hailey when she assured they wouldn't be out late, who nodded in agreement, choosing to refrain from another eyeroll in case she lost privileges of hanging out all together.
"Yeah, but you're way taller than when I last saw you," Santana pointed out to Hailey. "So to me, you basically just became a giraffe." She smiled, rolling her eyes, but the jab is playful when she says, "Now that I'm thinking about it, there may be a certain resemblance."
"What?" Santana turned towards Katherine, protesting her scolding. "Skank? It's capitalized, that is literally what Quinn used to call herself. It was a lame title, believe it or not, not an insult."
Santana hesitated, self-conscious about removing her coat in front of the Pierces and letting them see more closely that she is visibly smaller than they had seen the last time she was around them. She relaxes slightly when she hears they will be on their own for dinner, knowing that much is a relief as she won't have to fiddle and pretend to eat her food in front of them for at least one meal, even though she knows they know from Brittany what's been going on. After several moments she did take off her coat but hung behind Brittany slightly, as though to try to hide her body behind her.
"We can do the lights while they're gone, maybe," Santana said to Brittany, taking her hand again while still partly behind her. She didn't mention the dinner part. She knows very well Brittany won't let her skip, especially since she didn't eat breakfast, but she still hopes sometimes that Brittany might forget if she doesn't mention food.
Brittany felt Santana hesitate next to her, knowing instantly why and helped Santana pull her arms out of her sleeves after hanging up her own jacket, wrapping her arm around Santana's waist and pulling her against her after both their jackets had been hung up.
Katherine shook her head, but was smiling at Santana's explanation. She'd seen for herself Quinn's rebellious phase when the girls where in high school, and heard about it enough from Judy complaining and lamenting to her over the phone. "Well I'll be sure to leave that out of the dinner conversation tonight," Katherine said, not even try to hide her smile at that point, disappearing back into the kitchen as Hailey took the opportunity to slip back upstairs and finish getting ready for whatever plans she had that evening.
Brittany grinned, turning to embrace Santana fully, sighing in content that they were finally home. "How do you feel?" She asked, pulling away slightly. Travel days always seemed to take forever, and they'd been in so many different places with so many more people than Santana was used to interacting with, but Santana had held up surprisingly well.
"We can eat dinner while they're gone and then go look at lights," Brittany said, her hands still wrapped around Santana's waist, linked together at the small of her back. "Do you want to take a shower or lay down beforehand?"
Santana relaxed further as the Pierces disappeared off and Brittany embraced her. She hugged her back, tucking her head under her chin briefly, and then lifted her face up to look back at her as Brittany pulled back. She actually considered her response for a moment before giving it honestly.
"Tired," she admitted. "Which is weird because I slept on the plane, right? But I'm still tired."
She is pretty sure she knows why; although she had for the most part managed to get through the traveling like a "normal" person, she had exerted great effort and mental determination to do so. Now she feels physically drained from putting it forth so consistently, and is grateful to have some time with Brittany to let go a little and relax.
She smiles when Brittany suggests they take that time, already seeming to know how Santana felt despite having asked. She squeezed Brittany's side lightly. "I don't want to sleep. Maybe just sit down a while and chill."
And cuddle. That was a given.
"Yeah but I'm tired too, today was exhausting," She sympathized, rubbing Santana's back briefly. Brittany was looking forward to spending time at home, thinking time back in Lima was exactly what Santana may need- an escape from the hustle of New York City and the memories there, despite the fact that Lima came with it's own share of painful memories.
"Come on," Brittany tugged Santana into the living room, collapsing on her family's oversized and overstuffed sofa and pulling Santana down with her, sighing at finally being able to relax after their day. "We can take my mom's car to look at the lights," She said, yawning.
She was excited to do something so fun and innocent with Santana, especially when their lives had been so stressful and busy lately, between therapy and their schedules and nightmares and trying to manage without upsetting Santana.
"What do you want to do for dinner?" She asked, twirling the edges of Santana's hair. Brittany knew the fact that they were in a new place might mess with Santana's sleeping and eating, but she wanted to at least try to get her to eat something, knowing she hadn't before the flight.
Santana let Brittany tug her into the comforting, familiar environment of the Pierce living room. It feels to her like her own home in some ways, more so than the home she grew up in. She looks around at the family pictures on the walls and the book shelf full of knick knacks as well as books, finding it soothing how little has changed. If she closes her eyes she could almost pretend she's a teenager again, hanging out with Brittany after school.
A lot has changed since then, but Brittany's home and her parents haven't.
She smiles a little as she looks at the Pierce Christmas tree. She has many memories of helping decorate it when she was younger, and the familiar ornaments feel more "hers" than whatever her own parents had bought as a single, matching set for the year. The Pierce ornaments were a mish mash of homemade, cartoon characters, traditional, and old, but to Santana they were perfect together.
Santana curled into Brittany's side, nestling her head against her shoulder and curving her hand through Brittany's arm. She yawned right after Brittany, nodding in response to her suggestion about the lights and enjoying Brittany's hand playing with her hair. "Hm," she murmured, knowing Brittany was still pressing about dinner. "Is cereal okay?"
Since it's something Brittany often eats for breakfast, it's become one of the few foods that Santana can now make herself eat with any level of feeling safe doing so.
Brittany knew the change in environment could mess with Santana's willingness to eat and disrupt her sleep schedule, but she was hopefully that once they fully settled in Lima and got through the first night Santana would be able to be as calm as Brittany was being home. She knew Santana was nervous being around her family with how quickly she could get upset and how much weight she'd lost, but Brittany knew after she got more comfortable around them, that nervousness would fade away.
"Breakfast for dinner sounds great," She giggled, "We definitely have cereal. I'll make toast too."
Toast that Santana probably wouldn't eat, but Brittany left that part out. She'd silently started putting food on the table like side dishes, knowing Santana probably wouldn't touch them but putting them there like it wasn't a big deal if she did anyway. She didn't push her, knowing it was a big enough deal that Santana was eating at all and letting her see it.
"We can see what my parents have in the kitchen and then go to the store tomorrow and get anything else we want." Brittany said promised, patting Santana's upper back. "I'm so excited to sleep in and not have to go to dance or you have to go to class," Brittany giggled into Santana's hair =, "I feel like a kid who's excited about not going back to school."
Santana smiles back, noticing and not commenting that Brittany has mentioned making more food. Knowing Brittany, she will also lay out fruit, cheese sticks, and pop tarts or some other type of food and pretend not to pay attention if Santana is eating any. Sometimes Santana is actually almost tempted to actually do it. Sometimes.
She reaches to twine some of Brittany's hair in her own fingers, lightly twirling its ends and letting them fall through her fingers before beginning the process again. The repetitive gesture soothes her as she nods.
"This is kind of weird, but not," she mused. "It's like sleepovers again. Do you think your mom would still shush us if we giggled too loud too late?"
Brittany smiled when Santana twirled her fingers through Brittany's hair. They both always played with each other's hair without ever really thinking about it, but Brittany had noticed a few times when Santana reached to do it self-soothe, even in high school when she couldn't sleep or when they were talking about something difficult. It was another reminder that even though Santana didn't listen to herself at times, at her heart of hearts, she knew what her body wanted and how to soothe herself.
Brittany laughed, "No, definitely not. I think my parents are so happy you're here and we're living together that they'd let us get away with murder," Brittany said honestly, and she meant it. She'd gotten an earful from her entire family when she'd broken up with Santana, even though her parents understood her decision, especially her mother.
They lapsed into a comfortable silence together on the couch, sinking comfortably into their surroundings until Brittany yawned again, moving her hand down to pat Santana's butt. "Want to go eat? Then we can go look at lights." She sat up, taking Santana with her as she stood, finally dropping her arms when they were both on their feet, tangling their hands together and heading into the kitchen. She dropped Santana's hand, moving to pull open the cupboard where she knew all the cereal was.
"Ooh, okay, our options are Cheerios, Cocoa Puffs, Lucky Charms or strawberry Special K," Brittany reported. "I guess Hailey hasn't kicked the Cocoa Puffs obsession." She giggled to herself.
Santana yawned again in echo of Brittany, her body warm and floppy, noticeably more relaxed as Brittany pulls her up. The few moments of quiet rest with Brittany alone had really done wonders to recharge her, and she let herself be led along willingly, even if it is to eat. Peering over her shoulder at the cereal selection, she picked the Special K, one of her "safer" foods, and checked with concern that there is skim milk, relieved to find there is. She didn't think she could handle whole or two percent, and one percent was pushing.
When she closed the fridge again she paused, stunned to see her own name jump out at her along with the heading for NYU. It's a copy of her acceptance letter from years ago, still proudly displayed on the Pierce fridge, among the pictures of Brittany and Hailey and even some of Brittany with Santana over the years. She had glowed quietly even as she tried to downplay their pride in her at the time when they insisted on wanting to hang it up, but she had never expected it would still be there.
Santana blinked back tears, suddenly choked with emotion she isn't quite sure is happy or sad or both. "They still have my letter up, Britt."
Brittany wasn't entirely surprised with Santana's choice, selecting the box of Special K for her and the Lucky Charms for herself along with two bowls while Santana got the milk out. It made her happy that Santana was acting mostly normal in the Piece household and didn't have any reservations about opening the fridge or helping herself - she'd never had any reservations, but after everything that had happened, she was glad Santana was still comfortable there.
She filled the cereal bowls each mid-way with dry cereal, about to turn around and ask Santana for the milk when she heard Santana's voice - raspy with emotion but sounding childlike and innocent in the same tone. Her brow furrowing, she turned away from the counter in confusion, taking a step toward Santana and squinting, trying to figure out what Santana was looking at on the closed refrigerator door. It took her a second to locate Santana's acceptance letter, which had lived on the fridge since the day Brittany and Santana had forwarded the Pierces the acceptance email, only to have them print it out in her dad's office and stick it on the fridge.
"Oh, of course they do." Brittany said, wrapping an arm around Santana's waist from behind her as they both reread the letter they knew by heart.
It had been a huge deal, and Brittany still remembered their girlish screams as they jumped around. The next time they'd traveled to Lima, the letter had been on the fridge and Katherine had baked a cake with purple, NYU- colored frosting, which Brittany had swiped across Santana's nose.
"They'd never take it down, it's been there since we gave it to them," Brittany laughed, taking the milk from Santana's stunned hand and moving back to the counter to pour it in their bowls. She'd honestly forgotten about it, nestled among printed out photos, flyers from WMHS from Hailey and general town announcements and a crayon drawing that Brittany had done when she was six.
Santana leaned slightly back into Brittany automatically, barely noticing when she took the milk from her. She too is vividly remembering the day she had found out about being accepted into NYU. It had been a bigger deal to her than she wanted it to be; she was older by several years than the usual incoming freshmen and had been out of school entirely since dropping out of Louisville barely a semester into freshman year. She had struggled to figure out what she wanted from her life for some time, just as Brittany's star was starting to soar, and it had taken time for her to realize she truly did want to go back to school, even if she wasn't sure what for yet- and that she didn't want to go in Kentucky.
Santana had been excited, sure. Still, the Pierces being equally thrilled had not occurred to her. It had felt ridiculous at the time for her to be 21 and getting a cake and such congratulations for getting into college- for the second time- like a 17 year old kid. But secretly she had been touched by their genuine pride in her. Her own parents had barely acknowledged her acceptance; her mother had in fact said something like "oh, I figured you had given up on that."
She doesn't follow Brittany back to the kitchen table immediately, still staring at the letter. It was such a simple thing- a piece of paper on the fridge- but it said so much about their love and pride in her.
Santana had no idea what was on her own parents' refrigerator. The last she could remember, it was a few work related magnets. Once, her cheerleading picture had hung on her abuela's fridge. She was certain it didn't now.
She blinked back her tears, taking a breath, and turned to sit beside Brittany rather than across the table at her, unenthusiastic about the eating. She played with her spoon, then burst out with, "They really love me."
She knows this, of course. But it still hits her anew sometimes.
She could tell that Santana was processing her realization that Brittany's parents kept her letter of acceptance on the fridge and she let her take the time, silently returning the milk to the fridge and placing their bowls on the table before plucking the two pieces of bread out of the toaster after it dinged. She sat first, glancing up to Santana as she stood there, her eyes still rereading the letter. Brittany smiled a little, her heart tugging at how much the simple gesture meant to Santana.
When Santana took the seat next to Brittany, Brittany reached across the table where she'd put Santana's bowl and dragged it so it was in front of her easily, picking up her own spoon and taking a few bites. She knew Santana was emotional over the letter and reached over, her hand resting on Santana's leg as she ate. Brittany didn't say anything, but she kept an eye on Santana's spoon, letting her play with it for awhile, knowing the surge of emotion was unexpected.
They really love me - the words made Brittany's heart swell and she pouted at the way Santana's voice wobbled, turning her body more toward her and scooting her chair a little closer. "Well of course they love you," Brittany smiled softly, "Who do you think they got that from?"
She raised one eyebrow before pointing at herself. She could see the tears in Santana's eyes and shook her head with a smile, bringing her hand up to cup Santana's jaw in her hand. "They love you, San," She repeated, "And they want you to be happy and healthy." Brittany added. "Just take a deep breath and try to eat a little with me, and then we can look at lights and hang out with my parents after they get home." She nodded, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss against Santana's mouth.
Santana's heart twisted at Brittany's empathetic hand on her leg, though it also grounded her slightly to feel her touch. She blinked again, rolling her eyes up to keep back the surge of tears from fully emerging, and took a deep breath. She gave Brittany a small but genuine smile, knowing she is speaking truthfully and with love. When Brittany kissed her, she closed her eyes, giving her a brief kiss back in return, and then took Brittany's hand in hers from her face. She kissed Brittany's palm in wordless thanks, then, squeezing her fingers, held onto her left hand with her right, keeping their hands linked so both could eat with their dominant opposite hands.
She is slow in her eating and doesn't drink the milk, but she does eat all but a few bites of the cereal. When she is finished she feels calmer, standing to take the bowl to the sink on her own and taking Brittany's too.
"Ready. Are you driving or me?"
Brittany smiled, knowing she'd steadied Santana for the time being, not surprised being back in such a warm and family environment was making her emotional. Since before their breakup, Santana had only ever stayed at the loft or Brittany's apartment, and while both of those places were "home," they were apartments in New York inhabited by 20-something year olds, while the Pierce house was cozy and well-lived in and oozed family.
She kept her hand laced with Santana's returning to their cereal, with Brittany eating a piece of toast too, not glancing over to Santana's bowl until they'd finished eating and Santana stood. She'd eaten a good amount and so Brittany didn't push it, following her to the sink and slipping her arms around her waist as Santana placed the bowls in the sink.
"I can drive," She whispered into Santana's hair. "Unless you want to." Brittany shrugged, keeping her arms looped around Santana's waist. "Do you want to change or are you ready?" She asked, resting her head against Santana's as they stood front to back. It was tender and domestic and, for moment, Brittany could picture them doing this in their own house with their own children.
Santana leaned back into Brittany's chest, basking in her gentle, spontaneous affection. It wasn't as though they didn't have these moments often- almost endlessly, throughout the days- but they didn't feel any less special to her because of it. She covered Brittany's arms with her own, gently rubbing her thumbs over her sleeves, and leaned her head a little more against Brittany's, just relaxing for several moment, enjoying being with her.
She can't remember when she last felt quite so calm. Somehow, she hadn't expected that, coming back to Lima. Maybe Brittany was right- maybe she needed to push herself more, put herself in different environments more often.
"Well, your driving is scary without you getting distracted by lights, but I want to look at the lights too," Santana reasoned aloud. "But I drive better than you, so I'll do it. I can always pull over if something's really cool. Which I doubt. I mean, this is Lima. How awesome can the lights be compared to New York?"
Still, she's excited anyway to go do this with Brittany. It's something normal, something fun and lighthearted- all things Santana does not have nearly enough of in the past several months.
Pulling back reluctantly, she took Brittany's hand in hers. "I'm ready. Get the keys and I'll drive."
Brittany grinned at Santana's lighthearted attitude, nudging her shoulder with a pout. "I'm not a bad driver! You're the one who always goes even if it's yellow," Brittany rolled her eyes.
Objectively, neither one of them would've been classified as a great driver - Brittany sometimes drove so slowly it was painful but also occasionally had depth perception issues, while Santana, in high school at least, drove similar to Grand Theft Auto, mostly because she left the house with three minutes to spare to get to her destination. Before senior year, Quinn had vowed she'd never get in the car with either of them.
Grinning, Brittany slid her arms from around Santana, leading the way back into the hallway for them to put on their coats and shoes again, tossing Santana the car keys she'd lifted from the bowl in the hallway with a smile. She gasped at how cold it was outside, always colder than New York, locking the door behind them quickly before following Santana to the car, slipping in Hailey's passenger seat and playing with the radio and heat once Santana put the keys in the ignition.
"Ooh, this is exciting," Brittany gushed, finding a Christmas station. "I feel like it doesn't really feel like Christmas in New York, not until I come home." She confessed. "Next Christmas we should go skating by the tree," Brittany brightened at the idea. They hadn't spent that month doing much of anything besides spending time in their apartment, but Brittany was hopeful that by next year, they'd do all the activities. "And go see the Rockettes," She added with a grin. "I went when I was a kid and it was so cool."
"You're supposed to go if it's yellow," Santana argued, nudging her back. "That means hurry up, it's about to be red." She had actually failed her first driver's test attempt trying to argue that with the instructor, who had not been impressed.
She shivers as she steps with Brittany out onto the sidewalk, huddling into her coat and shoving her hands in her pockets. As she sinks into the driver's seat and hastily cranks the car, she sighs with relief as the heat kicks in. "Thank Jesus, if it was broken or something I would have had to set something on fire in here. How the hell did I forget how cold it is here?"
She smiles at Brittany's enthusiasm, enjoying her excitement. Brittany's eyes are alight, her face bright and beautiful to Santana, and she has an urge to lean forward and kiss her that she is almost sure Brittany can read in her own eyes.
"Maybe," she said a little hesitantly, trying to imagine herself skating, out among strangers in the dark. It seems so unlikely that she could get so far in a year, that she would ever feel okay to do that again, but Brittany seems to really want this, and Santana hates to deny her anything she wants. She'll work to it, she tells herself silently. She wants to be in that place next year.
She drives far slower than she normally would, circling neighborhoods that are as familiar to her and seemingly little changed. Every now and then there is a house brightly lit up with colored lights, occasionally a blow up character or two, but mostly, the houses are left bare. Santana exhales, genuinely disappointed after about thirty minutes, and her irritable tone betrays her disappointment more than she thinks.
"People here are still boring, I see. And lazy. Don't want to get their wide load asses up ladders or something."
Brittany grinned as they pulled out of the driveway and started slowly making their way through the neighborhood while she detailed their plans for next Christmas season. "It's fun," Brittany promised, reading into Santana's simple Maybe. "There's like families with their kids and stuff and Christmas lights all over and they play Christmas carols from a speaker." Brittany described it to her. The only thing she could think of that would possibly stress Santana out was the crowds, but it was a bright area and mostly full of families anyway.
"And all the windows on 5th Avenue are all decorated with holiday stuff," Brittany continued, trying to remember whatever she could from when she was a kid. "Have you ever seen the tree?" She wondered idly, glancing out to the window to make sure she didn't miss any upcoming houses.
Not surprisingly, Lima was not living up to their expectations of Christmas light displays, even though Brittany thought the blow ups were pretty adorable. She could hear the exasperation and disappointment in Santana's voice, mixed with a twinge of childlike sadness at the lack of festive houses. She pouted, leaning over to kiss Santana on the cheek. "I know, I thought they'd be better too." She sat back in her seat, thinking for a moment about what else they could do that would be fun, wanting to keep Santana's holiday spirits up and hating the thought of Santana disappointed.
"Okay!" She piped up suddenly, a grin on her face. "I have other lights we could look at." Brittany thought about it for a second, the idea coming together in her head, glancing down to make sure they both had sneakers on and their coats were warm enough. "Operation Save Christmas Spirit is a go," She nodded, sitting back in her seat, content to tell Santana as little as possible about her idea until it was happening. "Can we go to the liquor store?" She asked.
Santana brightened slightly as she envisioned what Brittany is describing to her. She's never been Rockefeller Center before, as it is pretty far out from where she had lived with both Brittany and with Kurt and Rachel, and she hasn't taken the time to make the trip. It's never occurred to her to do so before, honestly. The idea of families with kids makes her slightly uneasy, but nothing too bad can happen with a bunch of kids around a Christmas music playing, right? That's anti-holiday, or something.
"No," she answered Brittany softly in response to her question. "Maybe we can look at it next year."
She says this tentatively, glancing at Brittany to take in her reaction. Although Brittany has been easily referencing their future together, this is the first time Santana has, and it makes her feel a little vulnerable to Brittany's response.
It wasn't something that Santana had ever admitted to anyone, because it seemed completely lame and dorky to acknowledge, but secretly, she loves holidays- especially Christmas. Not because she has such warm and sentimental memories attached to it- she doesn't. Christmas growing up had been full of her abuela and her mother arguing while cooking in the kitchen, her father usually working overtime shifts in the hospital and not present at all. Santana had been given more or less what she asked for every year, but she had none of the cute memories of warm, glowing togetherness and love spread freely that other families- families like Brittany's- seemed to have. She had seen it in Brittany's family first hand every year starting their freshman year, when she was invited over for the afternoon family dinner and usually spent the night too.
But a small, childlike part of her still sort of wished every year that this would be the year that would change- that her Christmas would finally be pure magic.
She is part scowling, part sulking without quite realizing it when Brittany kisses her cheek and barely responds to it, still driving. The Christmas music now feels a little less fun to her in her disappointment. When Brittany announces she has an idea, she glances over at her, raising an eyebrow.
"The liquor store? I mean, yeah, it's open 24/7 in this town since there's basically no other form of entertainment. But why do you want to go?"
She can't remember the last time she's witnessed Brittany drink alcohol, and it seems like weird timing to now, while driving. Hello, open container law.
Brittany felt slightly shocked that Santana had never seen the tree before - it seemed like a right of passage that every child went through, but as Brittany thought about it more, it didn't really shock her. Brittany had gone with her family before she'd met Santana, and she knew Santana's family definitely never made a holiday trip together. It made her heart ache for Santana, especially now, realizing just how many holiday activities she probably missed out on. "Of course we'll go next year," Brittany nodded sweetly, filing that away in her memory. "You'll love it, it's like - as tall as a building," She giggled.
When Santana questioned her, Brittany shook her head with a smile. "Too many questions for Operation Save Christmas Lights," Brittany laughed, but reached over, resting her arm on Santana's leg as she drove. She knew, regardless, that Santana liked to know what came next and their plans to be outlined in full detail. "I promise it's something fun, and there won't be anyone else around." She added, wanting to soothe Santana's questions without really giving away the surprise. "And you've been there before." Brittany added, realizing she could give that away as another clue.
She thought Santana's sulky attitude, while adorable, was also a little sad, and she was determined not to let them just turn the car around and go home. Brittany knew the mood would linger with Santana, her disappointment and how much she'd gotten her hopes up for the Christmas lights, so was committed to doing something at least a little bit fun before they turned in for the night.
When they pulled into the liquor store, Brittany grinned, patting Santana's leg as she unclipped her seatbelt. "Do you want to come in or wait here?" She asked, turning to her.
Santana has seen pictures of the Rockefeller Center in the winter, of course, so she's familiar with how big the tree is. But seeing in a picture and seeing up close in reality is undoubtedly very different, and she smiles a little, relieved when Brittany seems happy for her suggestion. "Okay. Next year."
As Santana steers them towards the direction of the closest liquor store- not a far driving, considering there's one practically on every other street in Lima- she jumps slightly when Brittany touches her leg, not expecting it, but then relaxes quickly under her reassuring hand. She furrows her brow, trying to work out just what Brittany might have in mind. There definitely isn't anything hugely Christmas-y in Lima that she knows of, outside the decorations of the Glee club choir room back in the day. She would hardly be excited to see the huge wooden (and ugly) Nativity scene by the biggest church in town, although she has more than a few memories of Puck and some of the other football players rearranging the figures into far more interesting poses in high school.
What could Brittany have in mind, especially that would involve a liquor store?
As she pulled into the parking lot, she pouted at Brittany with deliberate exaggeration, hoping to sway her. "Come on, what are we going to do? I don't need to be surprised. I'll be surprised right now when you tell me."
As Brittany unbuckles, asking her if she's going inside with her, Santana doesn't need time to decide. "Coming in," she replied, following her out of the car quickly. She's not about to sit alone in the car in the dark.
Brittany grinned when Santana instantly followed her out of the car, meeting her in front of the vehicle with her arm outstretched so Santana could take her hand before they stepped in. Swinging their hands giddily between them, Brittany insisted, "It wouldn't be a fun if you knew, the thing itself is not exactly exciting, so if you knew about it it really wouldn't be exciting." She explained, knowing, despite Santana's general desire for control, she trusted Brittany enough to let her take her on this little adventure.
Inside, Brittany steered them right to the champagne, throwing both of her arms around Santana's neck as they surveyed their offerings. It wasn't like either of them were big drinkers, and during high school, they didn't have a preference for anything, much less a taste in champagne. Brittany had started reading all the names of the bottles, but eventually gave up out of impatience and picked the prettiest bottle instead. At the counter, the cashier, who was probably 21 himself, asked Brittany for her ID, making her grin and glance at Santana as she handed it over. They were both well over age now, but there was a time when both of them used their fakes here almost every weekend.
Triumphant with their purchase, Brittany pushed her shoulder against the door, leading them back out into the cold, hopping in the passenger seat even though she knew she could've driven to make it even more of a secret. "We're going to school." Brittany told her as Santana turned the keys in the ignition, smiling at Santana's confused glance but offering no more in terms of an explanation.
"Ugh, fine," Santana groaned, slightly more dramatically than she actually feels about it. She squeezed Brittany's hand, showing her she's not really upset, even as her brain continues to work, attempting to puzzle out what Brittany is wanting them to go do. Normally she would guess go feed ducks at the park, but it's far too cold for them to be there, surely Brittany knows that. She can't imagine what the other woman is planning.
Santana too is somewhat clueless when it comes to selecting champagne; she's basically always drank beer and occasionally wine when she drinks, tending towards whatever was offered up at parties and preferring hard cider or sweeter wines when she had the choice. Champagne was something rich people served at events she wasn't invited to, or else for weddings. She too shrugged, unsure of what might taste best, especially since she has no idea what exactly Brittany even wants it for. Brittany's tactic of picking a pretty bottle seems as good as any to her.
Santana rolled her eyes, not amused by the kid behind the counter asking for Brittany's ID. She's assuming he's flattering them; at 25, she doubts she's still young enough looking to be mistaken for a teen, and with Brittany being taller and more solid in appearance than her, she doesn't think she is either. He's probably trying to flirt, and she possessively wraps an arm around Brittany's waist, stepping closer to her as she finishes paying.
"School?" Santana questions at Brittany's declaration once they're back in the car, more confused than ever. "Why the hell would we go to the school? What, are we breaking in to graffiti swear words and pornographic cartoons of people again? Because I'm not sure why we need champagne for that, we did that sober when we were kids."
Not that they had ever broken into the school; they had stuck with writing on bathroom door stall walls and yearbooks, pretty much. And since most of the people they had written about were now their friends, that didn't make much sense to do anyway.
Nevertheless, she drives them to the school as Brittany had directed, unsure as they pull in front of it where Brittany wants her to park. "What part of the school? If you're thinking of going into the choir room, I'd rather not, I think I've seen enough of that room to last the rest of my life. I'm pretty sure the ghost of Mr. Shue's sweater vests is still hanging around ready to possess some unsuspecting sap."
Brittany waves off Santana's questions, shaking her head with an amused grin. "San, I love you, but you're being all Grinch-who-stole-Christmas right now." She said, patting her leg again. She knew the questions were partially because Santana wasn't used to not knowing and partially because she really was disappointed about the Christmas lights. "I'm sorry the Christmas lights weren't as magical as we thought," She said out loud, understanding without Santana having to tell her. She kept her hand on Santana's leg, steady and comforting as they drove.
When they arrived, Brittany clapped, unbuckling her seatbelt. "Park anywhere, we have to walk." She instructed, hopping out with the champagne bottle when Santana parked, making her way around to Santana's side of the vehicle, knowing she was wary in the dark. Pulling the door open, she grinned, stepping forward and hugging Santana where she sat before helping her climb down, taking her hand.
"We have to go to the back," Brittany instructed, swinging their hands as they walked through the lit parking lot, around the back of the school to the football stadium. "I really hope this is open because if it's not we have to j- oh yes." Brittany pulled at the chain link gate, which swung open at her tug. "I was prepared to have to scale it," She giggled, leading the way onto the football field and to the sidelines.
She lead them up even more, onto the bleachers and up the stairs until they were at the tippy top, where Brittany stood behind Santana and tilted her head back. "Look up," She breathed with a grin, happy her plan had worked, the sky sparkling above them. "See? Christmas lights," She breathed, her exhale puffing out into the cold air.
"I didn't steal anything. I'm just questioning whether I feel in the mood to commit a crime in the name of Christmas spirit," Santana muttered, but she softened when Brittany patted her leg and spoke with genuine empathy and understanding of her disappointment. Her face lost its sulky lines and took on more genuine sadness when she responded to Brittany, and she takes the chance to glance over at her briefly.
"I just wanted to do something fun with you," she said softly. "Something special. I wanted...you're right. I wanted magic, I guess. Should have remembered this is still Lima."
As Santana pulled into the student parking lot, confused further by Brittany's instructions, she nevertheless doesn't complain, waiting for her to explain. She accepts Brittany's hug, knowing the other girl is trying to keep her from becoming anxious in the suspense, and then stands, shivering a little as she walked with Brittany hand in hand where she led. Her bemusement grows, showing pretty clearly in her face, as Brittany leads them to the football field. She can't imagine what in the world Brittany would think she would want to do there of all places, but she stayed quiet, making herself show the trust she has in her, even if she can't understand.
Still holding Brittany's hand as they climbed the bleachers, glad she's dressed in pants instead of the tiny cheerleading skirt they had been wearing the last time she set foot on the cold metal, she bites back the new torrent of questions rising up as Brittany stops her at the top. She grasps Brittany with the hand not in hers, a little off balance when she looked up at Brittany's gentle prod to do so, and then drew in a sharp breath as Brittany finally revealed her plan.
The night sky is crisp and clear, aglow with the twinkling array of stars that the city smog of New York nearly always concealed from view. Santana had nearly forgotten what it was like to stand under a night sky and look up into the stars, how vast and bright and wondrous it could be, how small it could make her feel in the best possible way. She squeezed Brittany's hand, a slow smile lighting up her face as she stared up.
"It's better than Christmas lights," she breathed. "It's beautiful."
Brittany smiled, wrapping her arms around Santana from behind. "See? There's the magic," She grinned, kissing Santana's cold cheek. She knew the lights had been important to Santana from the sadness in her voice, but Brittany was determined to make it something as magical as possible from what she could come up with on the spot. She knew if they'd just gone straight home, the sadness would've followed and Santana would've been moody that night over their failed Christmas plan after her hopes had initially been so high after a rough and tiring travel day.
She was happy Santana thought it was beautiful, grinning that the sky was as clear and bright as she'd hoped it was. Being in the middle of nowhere in Ohio seemed to have it's perks after all, and Brittany reveled in the moment, holding Santana's body against hers. It felt like they were the only two people in Lima in that moment, the only two people in the entire world. She wondered if they were at the tallest point in Lima and instantly knew they weren't - the bleachers weren't that tall. But in a way, it felt like it, and at the top, they felt so close to the stars.
"I bet we could reach out and touch them," Brittany hummed contentedly. She let go of Santana and pulled the wine out of the paper bag, popping the cork and giggling as it shot a few feet. Brittany sat down against the back of the bleachers, tipping the bottle as she took a fizzy sip before holding it out to Santana. Despite the fact that they'd been together the entire day and all the days beforehand, something about the two of them alone at the top of the football bleachers under the star seemed especially intimate and special, a date night of sorts, even though it'd been so long since they'd had any kind of date night outside of her apartment.
Santana snuggled herself back into Brittany's chest without turning around, her smile widening until her dimples flickered into view when Brittany kissed her cheek. She continued to gaze upward in silent appreciation, her occasional shivers stilling with the warmth of Brittany's body against her back and her arms around her waist.
This is perfect. She too feels like the moment is alit with magic, giving her one small spark of peace and quiet wonder in the usual turmoil of her inner world. She too feels caught in the feeling of being alone in the world with just Brittany, close to the stars, and it feels like a granted wish she hadn't realized she desired.
When Brittany lets go of her to get the champagne, Santana continues to gaze upward, her expression soft as she tries to find constellations she is familiar with. The popping noise of the champagne cork makes her gasp and jump, her eyes flying back to Brittany, but she settles when she sees that Brittany is giggling, that things are still safe, things are still okay. When Brittany sits, holding the champagne bottle out to her, Santana hesitates, wanting to look at the calorie content on the bottle's label, but then inwardly scoffs at herself. Fuck it- she isn't going to go into that, not tonight. Not now.
Sitting close to Brittany, she accepts the bottle and take a drink. It isn't what she would normally choose, but it isn't bad, and she takes another swallow, feeling her chest bubble in response. She hasn't drunk alcohol since the night of her attack, not wanting to feel vulnerable, heightened emotionally, or out of control, and she's never had the highest tolerance for alcohol even before her weight loss. Even just a few sips she can feel go straight to her head, and she giggles, pressing still closer to Brittany.
"This is good, Britt. This is fun. "
"Sorry, I should've warned you that was coming," Brittany smiled sheepishly, glancing up to Santana to make sure she was okay at the sudden pop of noise. She watched her calm almost instantly under the sound of her voice and the eye contact, breathing her own sigh of relief that Santana had settled.
She grinned when Santana accepted the bottle, sitting beside her with their backs against the back wall of the bleachers. The champagne had been a last minute idea, wanting them to have something 'celebratory' about their little adventure, and Brittany wouldn't have been surprised if Santana declined it. She knew from what Rachel and Kurt had told her along with what she'd seen from Santana that Santana was hesitant around alcohol, understandably so. Santana was anxious about having control of situations when she was sober, Brittany knew even feeling tipsy could be a source of anxiety for her. But she also knew Santana felt safe in this situation, where it was just the two of them, far from New York.
They passed the bottle back and forth a few times, laughing at how the champagne bubbled in her chest. "We needed something to make this a celebration," Brittany explained her reasoning. Plus, champagne was lighter than wine or beer, both of which they'd had a lot of in high school, and she didn't want the taste to bring back memories for Santana of the two of them being fall-down-drunk or puking after they got home.
Shifting, she moved so she was laying on her back, her head on Santana's lap. "I'm glad you think so, I didn't want you to be sad," She explained simply, knowing the holidays overall were touch and go for Santana when it came to her emotions. Tilting her head up a little so she could take a sip of the champagne, she giggled.
"What're we toasting to?" She wondered, knowing that champagne was used to toast things. "To us? To the stars?" Brittany giggled, settling her head back down to look at the stars. "I'd bring you any one you want," She said, referring to all the stars above them, but also to the fact that she would, without question, do anything in the world for Santana.
"What are we celebrating?" Santana asked, still smiling as she took the bottle back from Brittany to take a drink again. "Christmas?"
Her smile broadened, her eyes growing squinty as her dimples came full into view again when Brittany lay her head down on her lap. Holding the bottle in one hand, she stroked Brittany's hair with the other, looking down at her with eyes shining in obvious adoration. Somehow the bottle is already half empty between them, and Santana definitely feels the effect as she watches Brittany as though her eyes rival the stars.
"You're so pretty," she said softly but genuinely, her hand pausing against Brittany's cheek. "You look like Christmas stars."
She giggled when Brittany asked about toasting, taking the bottle back from her and taking another drink. Now that she's used to the taste, it's growing on her.
"To...wishes. You do that on stars."
She giggles again when Brittany tells her she would bring her a star, shaking her head playfully. "How? Would you get in a rocket and lasso it? Would you use Wonder Woman's lasso?"
She blushed under Santana's compliment, shaking her head in her lap. "I think they call those drunk goggles." She laughed out loud, turning her face against Santana's stomach, "But thank you." Brittany knew Santana was being serious, looking back up at her with the same adoring gaze, watching as she contemplated about what they were toasting to. She loved, no matter how simple her question, Santana always took the time to really think about her answer and contemplate on how she wanted to respond.
"Wishes," Brittany repeated, testing the word on her own mouth. It was, as she knew it would be, the perfect response Santana could've given her. "The plan for getting you a star is still being developed," Brittany giggled. "But I think God would let me have just one if I told him it was for you." Brittany shrugged. If anyone deserved a little brightness, it was definitely Santana.
"What do you wish for?" Brittany wondered as she gazed up. She knew, technically by law, you weren't supposed to reveal what you wished for in case it didn't come true, but she thought the universe might make an exception for them. They told each other everything, after all.
Santana's smile flickers a little bit at Brittany's admission, briefly uncertain. She had certainly not thought that her life would be like this last year either. She had been single, immersing herself in anything she could to forget that fact, and she had also not yet been through that terrible and unforgettable day in the bar. For a moment her eyes start to dim, but when Brittany laughs again and presses her face into Santana's stomach, Santana giggles, ticklish at the sensation, and ruffles her hair playfully.
"I'm not drunk," she argued, giving Brittany's hair a little tug at its ends. "And I'm not even wearing glasses."
She let her eyes drift up along with Britney's, taking in the sky. "If anyone could do it, you can," she said sincerely. "Just like you really will make that time machine one day."
That had always been a joke between them that everyone but Brittany and Santana didn't seem to realize actually was a joke, but in all honesty Santana truly did believe that Brittany could invent one if she set her mind to it. She had that much complete faith in her.
Her eyes shifted down slowly to look into Brittany's at her question. She hadn't yet made a wish, but she didn't look away from Britney's warm gaze as she spoke without stopping to think or filter herself.
"I wish you would kiss me under our Christmas stars."
Brittany grinned as she felt Santana tug on her hair, passing her the bottle again as her giggles settled. She felt like they were back in high school and like nothing had really changed at all. The stars above them and the fact that no one was around them made them both goofy on love, and Brittany was reveling in how happy Santana was at that moment, as if, just for a little, her battles had ceased.
"I will," Brittany nodded, smiling at their joke. What started as a one off joke between them instantly became a running game that they would talk about all the time, Brittany's building of the time machine. Finding Santana's hand, she laced their fingers together, bringing them up to her mouth and kissing Santana's knuckles. "When I build it, I'll make sure it can go back in time too," She promised, realizing how much she wanted that. What would it be like if Santana had never been attacked, if Brittany had never left her in the first place?
When Santana stated her wish, Brittany shook her head in amusement. "You're not very hard to please, are you?" She said, propping herself up on her elbow from where she was laying. She let go of Santana's hand to put her hand on the back of Santana's neck, guiding her head down to meet Brittany's lips halfway.
She meant it as a joke, because Santana's wish was so simple, but it was true. Most people would've cast Santana off as high maintenance or bitchy, but Brittany knew that all Santana ever needed was a little love and attention to be happy, even on her worst days. It was something Brittany was always happy to give. Their kiss tasted like champagne, and Brittany smiled into her mouth, pressing a few more chaste kisses to her lips. "Guess this makes me your wish granting genie, huh?"
Santana took another sip, her limbs feeling far looser and more relaxed than she can remember them feeling in a long time. She can draw deep breaths without her chest drawing tight, and despite the cold night air, she feels warm. She feels happy, even light.
As Brittany promises her to be able to make the time machine able to go back in time, kissing her hand, Santana squeezes it back silently, growing more serious. She knows what Brittany is referencing without her needing to spell it out to her. She too wishes, with everything in her being, that Brittany could make a way to go back in time and undo everything she had suffered. Undo all the pain, all the terror, all the ruined hours and days and months she had endured since the night of her rape. She wished she could go back and tell Brittany not to go on tour, either of them, no matter how selfish it was. She would undo so many things, if she could go back.
As Brittany twisted around to be able to better reach for Santana, cupping the back of her neck, Santana let herself be guided down to her, parting her lips to meet Brittany's. She closed her eyes, thoroughly giving herself over to the taste and feel of Brittany's lips on hers, and reached down to her, twining her fingers through her hair to deepen the kiss. When Brittany gave her a few more gentle kisses with closed lips, her eyes stayed closed, and she slowly stroked a hand down Brittany's neck.
She is delayed in responding to Brittany's teasing comment about her not being hard to please, but her own reply is soft and earnest, vulnerable. "You're all I ever wanted, so...no. Not if you're here."
She opens her eyes, looking down at Brittany, and then slowly, giving her time to move away if she wants to, leans in to kiss her again.
Brittany exhaled softly into Santana's mouth, a breathy, content sigh. She pushed off her elbow to sit up more so that she could kiss her more fully, feeling Santana's hand warm against her neck in the chill. She could feel the free, relaxed way Santana held her body, so unlike usual, knowing it was a combination of the champagne and togetherness along with the fact that they were home in quiet, shady, Lima.
When Santana spoke, Brittany kept her face close to hers, her hand on the back of her neck still, rubbing gentle circles into Santana's skin with her thumb as she replied in a soft voice. "We're the two luckiest people in the world then," She smiled, "If all we want is each other and that's what we have." It truly was perfect for them, both so simple when it came to love, so content and exhilarated with each other, they couldn't think of anything else in the world they might need.
When Santana leaned down to kiss her again, hesitating just barely, Brittany pushed forward and closed the distance, pressing her lips against Santana's with a smile, pulling her to her by the back of her neck. "Wish granted," she mumbled into her mouth, kissing Santana until she couldn't breathe anymore. Breaking apart, she didn't put distance between them, instead sliding her arms around Santana, hugging her to her and resting her head on her shoulder.
Santana kissed Brittany back with hungry eagerness, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end in response to Brittany's stroking thumb. She pulled Brittany up with her so the other girl is sitting up, pushing her body closer into Brittany's chest as she wrapped her arm around her waist. When she finally took a moment to breathe, her chest is rising and falling with shallow breaths, her mouth light and loose, still barely touching Brittany's before she let her forehead come press against her cheek. She swallows hard, smiling, and hugs her tighter.
"We are," she whispered, her words still breathy. "Lucky."
And she feels like she is then. Like there truly is nothing more she needs, and everything is right in her world.
Wrapping her arms around Brittany in return, she nuzzles her cheeks against the top of Brittany's head. She doesn't want the night to end.
"You're magic," she said aloud, rubbing her hand against Brittany's side gently. "So much magic."
She smiled at Santana's eagerness, returning it whole heartedly as they pressed themselves together, grinning when Santana rested her head against her and confirmed Brittany's words aloud. Resting her hand against Santana's head, she couldn't help but wonder what life would be like if they returned to the slow familiarity of Lima or another smaller town, out of the city. Realistically, with Santana's classes and her job, they couldn't just pick up and move, especially not so soon after Brittany had just signed a lease on an apartment, but Brittany wondered if a slower pace with less people around would benefit Santana, filing it away in the back of her mind.
"Are you flirting with me?" Brittany teased when Santana told her she was magic, but she knew her words were genuine, hugging her tightly as Santana rubbed up and down her side. She was grateful Santana's sad mood had gone away, at least temporarily, happy they'd been able to do something that was more fun and ultimately better than driving around Lima looking at a few sad lights. "You're pretty magical yourself," Brittany admitted, picking her head up from Santana's shoulder.
"I guess we should go home and warm up so we don't freeze out here," She giggled, glancing up at the stars again before back down to Santana. "Are you okay to drive, or do you want me to?"
"Maybe," Santana grinned at Brittany's question. "You're so magical how could I not flirt? That's like Rachel not worshipping sweaters."
She giggled, her nose scrunching up, and kept herself pressed into Brittany. "I'm warm...but okay. Blanket snuggie and hot chocolate?"
She makes a face at Brittany, rolling her eyes when the girl asked her if she thought she could drive. "I'm fine, please."
But when she stood up she teetered a little and grasped Brittany's shoulder. "The bleachers are crooked."
Brittany shook her head when Santana insisted she was warm just like that. She couldn't argue that much, the stars were beautiful and it almost felt like leaving would break a spell that had settled over the two of them. Brittany silently made a promise to take Santana back here to look at the stars again during their trip if she could, knowing the place would keep its magic for them.
Giggling from where she sat, Brittany steadied Santana with her hands on her hips. "Santana Lopez, a lightweight?" She teased, standing up with her, feeling the affects of the champagne but definitely more steady than Santana, which made sense based on how much taller and heavier she was than Santana, along with how much more she ate on average.
"I'll be your chauffeur," She promised, carefully leading the way down the bleacher stairs, her hand holding Santana's with another on her waist, careful of Santana's balance but also very mindful of her own. The last thing they needed was one of them to wipe out on the bleachers and take the other one down with them holding a glass champagne bottle. "This was easier on the way up," Brittany admitted with a chuckle. Not only had they split a bottle of champagne, but it was also much later and darker on the field.
They'd managed to somehow get down from the bleachers successfully, Brittany spinning in a circle with they were on steady ground before wrapping her arm around Santana's shoulders on the walk back to the car, tossing the champagne bottle in a trashcan as she went. When they got to the parking lot, she slipped her hand in Santana's coat for the keys.
She opened Santana's passenger door for her, bowing low to the ground. "After you, my lady." Brittany grinned at the silliness of her action, making sure Santana was in the car before shutting the door and going around to the drivers side, hopping in an turning on the radio and heat for them. "Did you have fun?" She asked genuinely as they pulled (slowly) out of the parking lot, wanting to make sure the lack of Christmas lights hadn't been too disappointing.
"Shut up, I am not a lightweight," Santana insisted, even as she giggled at the sound of the word. "Light...weight. It should mean I'm not heavy...why do they say that about drinking?"
Santana let Brittany lead willingly, stepping after her and wrapping an arm around her waist as they made it to the ground. She batted at Brittany's hand playfully when the other woman fished in her coat for her keys but let her take them, giggling again when Brittany opened her door for her. She is definitely feeling silly along with Brittany now.
"Okay, gentle...woman."
She snorted, buckling up, and nodded definitively when Brittany asked her if she had fun. "The most fun. I loved it. I love you."
She flushed when she realized she had blurred that, ducking her head and playing with the zipper of her coat.
Brittany snorted when Santana called her a gentlewoman, shaking her head at how silly they were being. The day, overall, had been perfect, starting with how well Santana did on the plane ride, right down to how silly and loving they were being now. Brittany hoped the rest of their visit continued just as smoothly, a well deserved break from how exhausting life had been for Santana lately.
I love you. The words tumbled right out of Santana's mouth as Brittany drove home, causing Brittany to smile so big her cheeks hurt. She glanced to Santana as she drove, smiling at the way she was suddenly very distracted with playing with the zipper on her coat, knowing she'd surprised herself with the words too. It had made Brittany feel warm and glowing inside, completely unrelated to the way the alcohol made her feel. As she continued to drive, her smile stayed firmly in place, as if it would never go away.
Brittany didn't speak right away, instead waiting until she pulled into the Piece driveway and cut the engine, turning to Santana before she got out of the car, her hand on her leg to still her. She smiled at Santana's expression, moving to cup her face in her hands. "That was a really, really big deal to me that you just said that." Brittany confessed.
She knew Santana loved her, but hearing her say it out loud like that, for the first time on her own, made Brittany feel more loved than anything in the world. "And I love you too, Santana." She smiled, pressing a soft and quick kiss to her mouth before getting out of the car, meeting Santana at the front path and holding her hand out for her to take.
Santana squirms, starting to feel self conscious and worried when Brittany doesn't immediately respond. She knows Brittany loves her. She's said it plenty and shown it even more. Hell, they just got finished making out. So why isn't she saying anything? What did Santana do wrong? Did she think she was just saying it because she was drunk? She wasn't that drunk, she might not have planned to say that, but it doesn't mean she hadn't meant it.
She opened her mouth to speak, unable to take the quiet any longer, as Brittany pulled into the driveway. But then Brittany's hand was on her leg, and Santana stilled, startled, her eyes flitting to her quickly. Her features tensed up as she fought the lump of held back tears and the instinct to pull up defenses long ago let down for Brittany.
Brittany loves her. Brittany loves her.
She waits, with barely managed patience, for Brittany to speak. When Brittany takes her face in her hands, telling her what a big deal Santana's words were to her, Santana's face softened under Brittany's hands, and she let out a faint laugh, her shoulders relaxing. She smiled against Brittany's kiss , then held her hand as she walked with her to the door.
"I meant it," she said softly.
Brittany felt something flare deep inside of her at the way Santana instantly softened at her touch, a desire to protect her from everything in the world that could possibly ever hurt the soft, gentle woman she loved. She knew she'd already failed to protect her from the world, and so many things had hurt her before Brittany had ever come along. But there, kissing her, Brittany promised herself that nothing in the world would ever hurt her precious girl again.
"I know you did," Brittany said softly, earnestly. "I've never doubted that you loved me." And she hadn't. Save for high school, once they'd both come to terms with their sexualities and relationship status, Brittany had never once doubted Santana's love for her, knowing Santana couldn't same the same for her, hating that it was like that, hating that her own pure love for Santana was what made her end things with Santana and make her doubt that Brittany loved her.
Sliding the key in the lock, Brittany hummed in pleasure at how toasty and warm the house was after being outside, ushering Santana in first and pulling the door closed behind her. "Hi," Brittany called, knowing her parents were in the living room from the sound of the TV, hanging up both her and Santana's coats and sliding her shoes off before stepping into the next room with Santana in tow.
"Hi dear, how were the lights?" Her mother asked from the sofa, looking over her glasses at the pair of them.
"Lame, honestly." Brittany shrugged, earning a chuckle from her father where he sat in the recliner. "We're probably going to go up," Brittany added, to which her mother nodded, setting her mug on the coffee table and getting up to kiss and hug her eldest goodnight, doing the same to Santana.
"Both your cheeks are freezing," Katherine laughed, pressing her fingertips against Santana's cheek gently. "There's extra blankets in the hall closet if you need, Britt. Goodnight girls." Brittany nodded in understanding, leading Santana up the stairs, passed Hailey's closed door to her own room.
"I'm am so tired," She laughed through a yawn, kneeling down to flip open their suitcase, tossing Santana's pajamas on the bed before her own. "I'm sure my mom has a grocery list a mile long for Christmas," Brittany continued as she shed her clothes and pulled her pajama top over her head. "We can go for her and get some stuff you want to eat." She added causally, thinking it would be good to get them out of the house and would be good practice for Santana to be in a smaller, less crowded grocery store than the ones in New York.
Santana takes Brittany's reassurance in quietly, happy that she does know, however infrequently she may have voiced her love during certain periods of their lives. She has never loved Brittany any less than fully and fiercely since she was first able to admit this to herself, no matter the distance physically or emotionally between them. Still, she's worried that her reluctance at times to say so may cause Brittany not to realize it.
She gives a sign of relief echoing Brittany's as they step into the Pierce home's warmth, huddling into her coat to savor it for a moment before letting Brittany take it. She is quiet, tired, as Katherine calls out to them but smiles and hugs her back when Katherine rises to bid them good night with physical affection, and she leans her head slightly into the warmth of Katherine's hand when the older woman touches her cheek. She murmurs good night to her and Thomas before letting Brittany lead them into her bedroom.
"Me too," Santana confirmed, her yawn coming a moment after Brittany's as though set off by it.
She undressed, throwing her clothes over their suitcase without bothering to fold or put them inside, and then redressed in the pajamas Brittany had laid out for her hurriedly, not out of self consciousness but desire to continue to be warm. She removed her contacts and fixed them in their cases, then sat on Brittany's bed. Hearing Brittany's suggestion, Santana rolled her eyes, but didn't protest. She isn't too slow to tipsy to catch her "casual" suggestion or the fact that it's more a statement than a suggestion.
"Yeah, I guess." She took hold of Brittany's arm once the other girl was dressed and pulled her back on the bed with her.
Brittany brushed her fingers through her hair as she pulled her pajamas on, feeling the tired tipsiness sink into her bones in a happy, lazy state. How long their day was was quickly catching up to her, and she yawned again, letting Santana pull her onto the bed with zero resistance, clicking the lamp out and pulling the sheet and blanket out from under them so they could slip underneath, resting her body heavily against Santana.
"It'll be fun," She suggested sleepily, knowing it probably wouldn't be, but wanting to make an adventure out of it. "And then we can come back and bake Christmas cookies or decorate a gingerbread house or something," She grinned at the idea, grocery stores always had ginger bread kits around the holidays.
Settling in, she threw an arm around Santana, threading her fingers through her hair. The two of them were comfortable and heavy as they lay together in bed, but Brittany, despite being tipsy, remembered that this was their first night sleeping in Brittany's room - which was not technically a new space for them, but was still different from Brittany's apartment bed that Santana was familiar with.
"Wake me up if you need me," She hushed, a gentle reminder that it was okay if Santana woke up in the middle of the night. While their time in Lima had been amazing and calm so far, Brittany wasn't naïve enough to rule out the possibility of a nightmare that night, even though she hopes it wouldn't be too bad, knowing panicking would throw off Santana's mood for the next day. "Go to sleep for me, okay?" She whispered, her own eyes shut as she nestled into Santana, warm and soft in her bed.
Santana snuggled close into Brittany, winding her arm around her waist and resting her head against her chest. She closes her eyes, smiling with sleepy pleasure at Brittany's stroking her hair, even as she murmurs back at her. "We didn't brush our teeth. Our breath is gonna be sick tomorrow...don't really care though."
She scrunched up her nose at Brittany's declaration that shopping for food will be fun, not quite sleepy enough to let that comment fly, but not so offended by it that she bothers to open her eyes. "It will not be fun. It will suck. But I"ll do it, I guess."
She wasn't surprised that Brittany would want to make a gingerbread house. That was such a Brittany thing to do, and she knew Brittany would enjoy it just as much as an adult as she ever had when they were younger. "Remember when we tried to make the gingerbread playground that year and we had the little frosting pond with duck cookies?"
She nodded slightly against Brittany's chest as Brittany reassured her she could still wake her up if she needed to. Taking a deep breath, then letting it out slowly, Santana listened to Brittany's heart under her ear, her breathing gradually deepening until she drifted into sleep.
