Chapter 3
Merlin was enjoying his ride through nature and let his mind wander over possible scenarios of how things would go. He thought on the different types of love Iselder had shared with him. While he didn't love Morgana completely, he knew he had a generic agape love for her. It was something on which he could build. He guessed he even had some kind of pragma love for Morgana. He had always cared for her on some level. He wouldn't say there was philia, a deep friendship. They had helped each other, but Merlin had never confided his deepest secrets until he was under the effect of the love spell. For that matter, neither had Morgana. He remembered his conversations so long ago with Kilgharah when he had defended Morgana as having a good heart, saying he would not abandon her. He felt guilt rise as he reviewed the last years. He had abandoned Morgana in so many ways.
Now because of information and intervention from Viviana and Iselder, Merlin finally had time to redeem himself, to turn some of the focus and help onto Morgana he had lavished on Arthur, Gwen, and so many others. Iselder had said all he had to do was be kind and listen. He didn't have to agree with Morgana on everything. Merlin was sure he could do that. The practice with spells and their discussion of so many topics had increased his confidence.
Last time he had been alone with Morgana, her actions had confused him. Now that he understood Viviana was behind the love spell and more of how it worked, Merlin felt more confident as he had a better handle on the situation. Knowing the problem was half the solution. He was still somewhat concerned about where his feelings actually were. However, knowing Morgana had feelings for him before the love spell filled his heart with hope and determination. Now that Arthur knew about his magic, Morgana's curse, and Viviana's intervention, Merlin couldn't help smiling and started singing Caledonia, a folk song his mother had taught him.
I don't know if you can see the changes that have come over me.
In these last few days I've been afraid that I might drift away.
So I've been telling old stories, singing old songs that make me think about where I came from.
And that's the reason why I seem so far away today.
Let me tell you that I love you, that I think about you all the time.
Caledonia you're calling me, and now I'm going home.
But if I should become a stranger, you know that it would make me more than sad.
Caledonia you're calling me, and now I'm going home.
For if I should become a stranger, you know that it would make me more than sad.
Caledonia's been everything I've ever had.
On his way, Merlin continued to whistle and hum the catchy tune. He could almost feel and hear Viviana and the forest singing along with him. It made him smile and lightened his heart.
Merlin thought about what Iselder had told him and how much their conversation had helped and changed his attitudes. As the song lyrics said, these last few days had brought great changes for the better.
To be kind to Morgana couldn't be that hard if he focused on those good things about her. Morgana was beautiful even in her black dress and dread locks and he had enjoyed the Eros part of being with her. Although, he knew to keep the Eros to a minimum for now because it would get in the way of developing the philia between them. It would not be difficult to display the Agape type of love his mother had given him and everyone in their village.
He thought back to his first day in Camelot when he had seen Morgana at her window. She had turned away from Thomas Colin's' execution. Later, she had helped him defend his village from the bandits. And she had shared bread with the poor. She had stood up to Uther to defend the innocent and do the right thing. He remembered how impressed he had been with her beauty, intelligence, courage, and sense of justice.
Her actions since then still reflected that need for justice. He realized how Morgause's curse had twisted Morgana's compassion and justice sense. Viviana and Iselder had assured him, the good part of Morgana was still there. Merlin and Morgana were destined to share a great love that would change the very fabric of destiny. That idea was still a bit overwhelming as he first had to get passed the curse, a truly sobering thought.
Merlin strengthened his horse with his magic to go faster, and was at Morgana's hovel in record time.
He knocked on her door with some trepidation. That trepidation melted away when Morgana opened the door. Even though she was wearing black and her hair was ratty, she was wearing a beautiful smile he had missed.
"Merlin what are you doing here?" Morgana asked.
"I had to see you. I missed you." Merlin found himself somewhat surprised at his own words. But then again, Viviana had explained that anyone with previous real feelings, would have amplified feelings even after the love spell was lifted.
Morgana threw her arms around him, "I missed you too." She kissed him soundly before pulling him inside.
Merlin wasn't really surprised at her affection because of the love spell. It was agape and some Eros he felt as he let himself relax into her embrace and kissed her back. He wasn't going to give himself or Morgana a lecture at this point. He just kept himself in the moment.
There were wonderful smells coming from her hearth where something bubbled over her fire. Merlin's stomach growled.
Morgana pulled back and giggled lightly, "Sounds like you are hungry. I made some stew. Would you like some?"
"Yes," Merlin said. He was really hungry. The ride from Iselder's camp to Morgana's hut had taken several hours. He was also thankful for the love spell that was tempering the hateful curse from Morgause.
Morgana turned to the bubbling pot. She filled a bowl and handed it to Merlin.
She dished up some for herself and motioned for Merlin to pull up a chair at her table as she sat across from him. For a moment they just ate in silence as both were quite hungry.
"This is really good Morgana. I think it rivals most things made in Camelot."
Morgana smiled. "Are you surprised?"
"As a matter of fact yes. You never did any cooking in Camelot." Merlin teased.
"That would be true. I never had to cook in Camelot." Morgana couldn't help a small chuckle leaving her lips before she turned more serious. "Necessity has been a hard taskmaster. I use my magic a lot to do the really hard stuff like lifting and carrying."
"Merlin smiled, "You have discovered magic can be a force for good."
"You remember I said that so long ago." Morgana said.
"Of course I remember. " Merlin's smile reached his eyes. "I also remember you standing up to defend people Uther accused of magic or associating with it. You were very brave."
"Morgana smiled at him for a moment before another thought crossed her mind. "You aren't afraid of my magic like everyone else in Camelot. You even sent me to the Druids."
"I care about you Morgana. You were so alone and so afraid. I wanted to do more to help you. Uther made that so risky."
"Truly," Morgana continued without really thinking. "I never would have been able to forgive myself if Uther had done anything to hurt you for helping me." She paused in her eating and looked across at Merlin who had stopped eating at this revelation.
"Merlin looked at her with a bit of awe. Morgana had just confirmed Viviana's statement that Morgana had always cared for him. It made him feel warm. "I am just a servant Morgana. I never knew you felt that way about me back then."
"I have always cared for you Merlin." Morgana blushed.
"Like you care for Gwen?" Merlin gave her a teasing smile.
Morgana smirked at him. "I don't care for Gwen the way I care for you Merlin. I don't want to marry Gwen. She couldn't be my king like I want you to be."
Merlin sat back in his chair loving the teasing nature of their conversation and the warmth the revelations brought to his heart. "I'm glad you don't want to marry Gwen."
Morgana was smiling much and chuckling over the situation. Merlin figured it must be a side effect of the love potion. He quite liked this side effect. They both laughed and continued to eat.
"So I was wondering if you could teach me how to do that transportation spell. It would make it a lot easier for me to spend time with you if I didn't have to walk or ride a horse to get here." Merlin said pushing away from the table."
"You mean the great Emrys doesn't know the transportation spell?" Morgana teased.
"I have been living as the prat's servant. When would I have time?"
"You are right. Arthur is a prat. I always thought he worked you too hard." Morgana laughed as she took another bite of soup.
Merlin laughed with her. "I appreciate your empathy."
"So you have never trained in magic? How can you do it?" Morgana asked.
"I was born with it. It is mostly instinctual. My mother says I levitated things from birth. I couldn't always control it. My mother sent me to Camelot, to Gaius, to learn more about my magic and how to control it." Merlin said, suddenly realizing he had let too much slip when Morgana fell hard against the back of her chair with the ramifications of this information. "Gaius could have helped me."
"I know." Merlin whispered guiltily as a frown took residence on his face.
Morgana's lip quivered as she whispered, "So much pain could have been avoided. I was so lost and so scared. I had no idea what was happening to me. I was so afraid Uther would kill me had he found out. I didn't want to have magic."
Merlin winced as Morgana's words confirmed what Viviana had revealed in her projections. Morgana had initially feared having magic. Merlin felt his heart clench for Morgana. He put his hand over hers. "I'm so sorry Morgana."
"Morgause was the only one to tell me I was special. She didn't make me feel crazy." Morgana's jaw hardened as her voice came out lower. "You and Gaius, belittled me, told me I didn't know what I was seeing or feeling, passed off every incident as madness, or some kind of accident."
Merlin looked on in alarm. He could see the storm brewing in Morgana. He could feel her magic spark like the fire he had practiced on the day before while he with Iselder. He gathered his own magic as Morgana continued her rant. Part of him wanted to let her attack, let her hurt him. He felt horrible for his past inaction and cowardice. However, he could hear Iselder's warning in his head. "You will have to use your shield."
The shelves in Morgana's hut started to shake and rattle their contents as Morgana rose from her seat and her voice rose in pitch, "You lied to me!" Morgana's hand swept out to slap Merlin's face.
Merlin's shield glistened into existence and Morgana's hand froze where it was, as did everything else in the room. Merlin rose from his chair with his hand stretched toward Morgana, his magic pushing her back to the the wall.
The shelves stopped shaking as Morgana 's face registered surprise and fear momentarily before she stamped it down. "You uttered no incantation. How...?" Her voice trailed.
"Like I said, my magic is instinctual." Merlin moved toward Morgana not releasing his magical hold.
"Gaius helped you?" Morgana felt the devastation of rejection sweep through her along with the tears prickling the back of her eyelids. "He could have helped me. Why didn't he help me the same as he helped you?" her voice quavered.
Merlin's heart broke all over again at the sorrow he saw emerging in Morgana. "I don't know all of Gaius' reasons. I only know my own." Merlin swallowed. "You were the king's ward. I was a servant. Uther would have killed both of us for our magic. It would have been even more dangerous for me to help you."
"So what has changed now to make things less dangerous?" Morgana asked.
"It is because of your mother and her intervention. She has enlisted the help of deity to prevent your destruction. She has enlisted my help as Emrys. It is because of you Morgana." Merlin sighed in exasperation. "I am tired of being your enemy. I am tired of fighting you. I want peace, for myself, for you, for Camelot."
"There will be peace once we take Camelot." Morgana exclaimed. " I love you! You will be my king!"
"I don't want to be king, Morgana." Merlin said.
"You don't want to be my King?" Morgana's face blanched and her jaw hardened.
Merlin sighed. Iselder's words echoed in the back of his head. "You must share everything you know and are with Morgana. It is the only way she will become your greatest ally."/
Merlin held Morgana against the wall with his magic as he maintained eye contact. "There are prophecies about us Morgana, and about Arthur."
Morgana's eyes narrowed in curiosity. "You don't know the transportation spell even though you had magic from birth. The only prophecy I have heard is that you are Emrys and will be my doom. You are under my love spell. So I know you will not hurt me. How could there be another prophecy about us?"
Morgana gasped as she realized she had just revealed to Merlin that she had cast the love spell. She unsuccessfully tried to cover her blunder with an aggressive question. "You ARE still under the love spell?"
Merlin gathered himself. "No, I am no longer under your spell. But you are under your love spell."
Morgana's face went white.
Merlin held his magical shield and rushed to reassure her. "I will not hurt you even though you think I am supposed to be the Emrys who will walk in your shadow, thwart your efforts, and be your doom."
Morgana turned even whiter if that were possible.
Merlin pushed harder with his magic "Don't forget that the Caileach said I am supposed to be your destiny as well."
They both just stared at each other for a moment, their eyes shining with regret, fear, and hope before Merlin spoke again. "Look, I still have much to learn, but so do you. Arthur is the Once and Future King. The Prophecy states that Emrys will guide and protect the Once and Future King. Together, they will create a golden age, where magic and mundane work together to bring about peace."
"You said nothing about me in that prophecy." Morgana snarled.
Merlin grimaced at what he next had to reveal. "There are many prophecies about you Morgana because there are many roads you could take."
"I take it not all these roads are good." Morgana said exercising her Pendragon pride and nonchalance.
"No," Merlin said, "they are not all good. But there are some that are. You have choices Morgana."
"So what are my choices Emrys?" Morgana asked, her Pendragon mask in place.
Merlin smiled. " You want to hear all of them?"
"All of them." Morgana said her eyes hard.
Merlin squared his shoulders. "I will summarize. You will be the downfall of Camelot and Albion and destroy everything Arthur and I build."
"I will be queen then." Morgana stated hiding the question in a voice she was fighting to keep steady.
"No." Merlin said, "Your vengeance in this path will bring destruction to all, yourself included."
Morgana was shocked. She had never considered her own actions to be destructive to herself. Morgause had only ever discussed the power they would wield. The thought made her tremble all over. But she had her Pendragon pride and balled her fists in an effort to control the situation and herself. "And the other prophecy?"
"The other says that you, the Last High Priestess and Emrys will become ally's, share a great love that will aid and protect The Once and Future King in bringing about Albion, returning magic to the land, and a Golden Age of peace."
Morgana closed her eyes dropping her head. "Who told you these "prophecies"? How could we share a great love when you are no longer under the love spell and I am?"
"The Druids and your mother, told me about the prophecies. As for the great love we are supposed to share, I have no idea."
"You talked to my mother?" Morgana asked.
Merlin was surprised Morgana's focus would turn to her mother. He figured it was because the love spell was loosening Morgause's curse.
"She is dead. How is that possible?" Morgana asked.
"If you promise on the old religion not to attack me, I will tell you." Merlin said.
Morgana was intrigued and nodded, "I promise on the old religion, I will not attack you."
Merlin loosened his magical hold, his eyes still sparking gold in readiness should Morgana react as they slowly moved way from each other and sat down at the table. Merlin had not taken his eyes from Morgana, watching her every move before he finally spoke. "A few days ago, your mother visited Gaius and I. She brought Arthur in to the conversation so now he knows about my magic."
Morgana could hardly contain herself at this revelation. "My dead mother revealed your magic to Arthur and you are not dead? You are here? Did Arthur banish you?"
"No, your mother convinced him not to hurt me. However, Arthur did say we would have a conversation about all of this when I got back and I would answer all his questions." Merlin smiled slightly.
"I wish I could have seen that... My mother must have been amazing... I don't remember her at all." Morgana dazed for a moment.
"There is more." Merlin said, more thankful every moment Viviana had implemented the love spell.
"I'm listening." Morgana focused on him.
"Viviana said to come find you and stop the coming destruction. This is where you have a choice Morgana. If you become my ally, I will not be your doom. It is only if you chose to keep fighting, you will die at my hand."
Morgana looked at him in shock and Merlin sighed in sorrow at the possibility. "Killing you is not something I want to do, be a part of, or see happen."
Author's note:
A bit of a cliffhanger. Morgana has a decision to make. The song Merlin sings in this chapter is called "Caledonia". It is public domain and written by Doug MacLean in 1977. I realize it is a current piece. But in my mind. This is folk music which has been passed down from one generation to the other. The words or melodies may have changed or been interchanged over time as many hymns and folk songs have been. Great music masters such as Hayden, Purcell, Brahms, Beethoven and Kodaly took folk songs such as these, notated them, and then orchestrated them in to great masterworks. Music has always existed. We can hear it if we listen. Mozart was a genius who heard great masterpieces in his head. His mastery over the technicalities of music enabled him to write down what he heard. It is my theory this piece could have been sung back in the time of Merlin. I did take some liberties with the lyrics to make them more applicable to the story.
