Birkhoff couldn't just sit with that information. He couldn't let the information that Sonya was the mole fizzle out into nothing. He had to do something. However, his first thought wasn't to inform his team. It was the intel they had been waiting anxiously for. Yet he didn't rush off to tell them. Instead, he burst out of his hacker's cave and chased Sonya down. He soon found her by a terminal access point deep in Division. She appeared to have been waiting for him- appeared to have been wanting him to track her down. He ignored that, though. He was only focused on his own rage, "How could you do it? How could you work with Amanda?"
His anger was warranted. Deep down, Sonya was angry as well. Yet it still hurt that Birkhoff, the man who had once looked at her with such devotion, regarded her in hatred. What she had done was horrible. She betrayed the team that had saved her, the agents that had suffered with her. How could anyone do that. Only terrible people could sink so low as to work with Amanda. After everything, how could she be one of them. Although she did have her reasons, it didn't erase the hurt and death she had caused, "I didn't want to. I swear, I don't want to."
Despite the tears in her eyes, Birkhoff tried to remain livid. He couldn't be swayed by Sonya's regret. Her trembling body, her fear, he had to ignore it. All his instincts to comfort her had to be battled into submission. Sonya was the mole. She didn't deserve sympathy. He only needed an explanation from her before he turned her over. He needed answers to the tormenting questions racing around his head. A part of him was certain that there was something that'd make it all make sense. He was practically begging that there'd be an explanation that wouldn't paint Sonya as a villain. Yet Birkhoff was never that lucky. It was always shitty, "Then why?"
Attempting to get a hold of herself, Sonya did everything she could to not crumble in tears. She had to explain to Birkhoff. He deserved to know why she spied on the team, and why she had helped him try to catch her. It wasn't as it appeared. But in order to get through it all, she had to just state it as facts. She had to be clear, "On my way home one night, I was kidnapped by Ann. She brought me to Amanda, who activated my killchip. She said if I didn't spy for her, she'd kill me. She'll kill me just for telling you this. She'll kill me, and once I'm dead, she'll find someone else to replace me- possibly someone who won't hold back."
"How would she know you did as you were told?" Birkhoff wanted to sigh in relief. He believed Sonya instantly. Everything she had claimed made sense. Of course Sonya wasn't evil. Of course she wouldn't turn against Division willingly. However, what forced her to do all those things wasn't something to rejoice. Amanda was just as vile as ever. She had no qualms in killing anyone to get her way. She'd even kill in the worst way Division had ever created. The difficulties of that didn't matter, only the fear that it produced. But maybe the team could stop it. If they had known about it, they could've alleviated the fear.
"There's another mole. They watch everything I do. But I don't know who it is. I'm so sorry. I don't know," Regardless of her efforts, Sonya broke down in tears. The fear she had been carrying for months tumbled past her lips and nearly drowned her. Birkhoff discovering her dark secret wasn't the saving grace she had always hoped it would be. There was still another mole. She wasn't able to track them down as she had helped Seymour. She was still in danger, and so was all of Division. There was no true escape or safety net like they had all begged for.
"It's okay. It's alright. We'll figure this out. You'll be safe. I promise," Finally, Birkhoff wrapped Sonya in a tight embrace. He didn't have the power to make those sorts of promises. In regards to Amanda, who did. But he was going to fight so hard to make them true. Sonya wouldn't be in fear any longer. The other mole would be hunted, used for intel on Amanda, then killed. The team would eliminate the bitch and all their other enemies. And everything would finally be alright. Birkhoff needed it to be. He needed it for Sonya and his friends.
Nikita talked to Michael for a little bit. He eventually got her to open up; though, she didn't say much. She only mentioned her fear of Amanda targeting her friends and family, and her frustrations about not knowing what to do. Michael wished he had any answers or any way to help. But she didn't open up enough for him to comfort her. Even if she did, however, against Amanda he was clueless. He could only suggest that Nikita do yoga in an attempt to relax. She actually took him up on the offer. She left early one morning to finally return to the nearby yoga studio. She hardly said anything as she did so, yet Michael was done pushing her to open up.
Who he would push, however, was Alex. Her irritability, strangeness and overall intense attitude had gotten so much worse. It couldn't be ignored. The conversation Michael had to have with her couldn't take place over the phone, though. Nor could it happen in Division. If he was going to accuse Alex of using performance enhancers, then they had to speak face to face in private. When Nikita snuck off to yoga, Michael went to track down Alex. he eventually found the young woman buying coffee outside her apartment building. She normally didn't drink coffee, but he'd ignore that fact. The drugs were far more important, "Alex."
"So you were the one following me. I thought Nikita's stalker was real," Alex startled violently at Michael's gruff voice behind her; she nearly spilled her coffee. Once she realized who it was, however, she calmed down substantially. Her muscles remained far too tense to be comfortable. But they had been like that for a while. She could never relax. She was always on edge, ready for the next attack. Although Alex was well aware that that wasn't normal, she wasn't going to stop it. Her alertness would help her on her missions. Being ready could guarantee everyone's safety. At least it should have if she didn't freeze again.
"I just wanted to talk," Michael said with placating hands. Stalking Alex was a bad idea. Despite the young woman's attempt at a brush off, Nikita had raised huge concerns about someone following her. She usually wasn't paranoid like that, which meant someone probably was watching her. And if that was true for her, then it was true for all of them. They should all be watching their backs. Yet the conversation Michael had to have with Alex was too important to let fear dictate. They had to talk and solve the problem above all else.
"About what?" Alex would rather not talk. What was there for her to say. She knew she had messed up on the Sideswipe op by freezing. But she was making up for it by doubling down on her efforts to find Amanda's mole. Michael didn't have to address her performance; she was handling it just fine. What he also didn't have to talk about was Sean. Alex didn't care anymore. Sean could come and go as he wished. It didn't matter that he had begged her to leave only to return and play the hero. It didn't matter that whereas she had to be safe from all harm, he was allowed to waltz right through it. Sean could do whatever he wanted. Alex didn't care.
"That's a pretty thick jacket. It's not that cold," Michael could've talked to Alex gently. He could've approached her drug use with care and understanding. Yet if she wanted to be brash, then so could he. One of the first things he had noticed, besides the young woman's rapidly shifting eyes, was her thick jacket. It hadn't been that cold in the city- Nikita was able to wear a cropped sweater to yoga. Alex's puffy jacket was overkill. Unless, of course, she was using it to hide something. Michael reached for her pocket and yanked her closer.
"What the hell are you doing?" Harshly, Alex tried to pull away from Michael. He held firm to her pocket, though. Without causing a scene or spilling her drink, she couldn't fight him off. He was able to take whatever he wanted from her pocket. She wished she had nothing in there. She wanted him to look like a fool when he reached in her pocket and found nothing. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Michael easily removed the bottle of pills hidden in Alex's jacket pocket. He flashed them in front of her, and she stammered, "Michael, it's not like that."
Although he had suspected to find drugs in Alex's pocket, Michael was crestfallen to see the few pills rattling in the bottle. They were performance enhancers, not narcotics- thank God. Yet it was still terrible. The stimulant wasn't good for so many reasons. One of which was the fact that the pills had been experimental. The lasting side effects were unknown. Since the short term effects were already horrendous, it could become so much worse. Michael had seen it in agents before. He had seen them become so rash and irritable, they couldn't survive missions. Alex couldn't have the same fate. Her life couldn't be taken by drugs again, "You're using."
"It's fine. It's just to help me in the field. It's not narcotics," Alex tried to argue. She didn't take the pills back from Michael, however. He should take them away from her. The drugs had become less about her helping others, and more about her trying to drown out her thoughts. She should've known how terrible that was. Relying on non-prescription drugs to silence her negative emotions- narcotics or not- would only land her in trouble. She didn't work so hard to drag herself out of her addiction to fall right off the wagon. She should've been better. That would've helped her team more than being a stellar agent could.
"So? It's just as bad, Alex. These are experimental drugs. They lead to irritation, rashness, addiction. You could've gotten yourself or someone else killed," Michael began to voice the thoughts Alex had done her best to shove away. He didn't want to lecture her or make her feel any worse than she already did. She knew the dangerous stipulations of drug use, even if it was just stimulants. Alex didn't need Michael to ream her out. Yet he still had to raise his voice in fear. He had to make certain that she understood. And that she knew someone else cared.
Biting her lips to stop her chin from trembling, Alex refused the tears in her eyes. After the Sideswipe mission, she knew she had messed up with the performance enhancers. Although they had helped her focus and battle her shoulder pain, her emotions were completely out of balance. It was all extreme and all negative. She thought she could channel them into her missions- her hatred for Amanda and Ari were strong enough. Yet her best intentions turned so cruelly against her. She couldn't help others if she couldn't help herself, "I just wanted to help."
"You can help by getting rid of the drugs and talking to us," Softly, Michael squeezed the young woman's bicep. He put the pills in his own pocket, intending to dispose of them once they went to Division. Alex didn't have to carry the weight of them around anymore, at least not literally. She still had to confront the emotional weight of using drugs again. Just because they weren't narcotics didn't mean she could just walk away from the incident without repercussions. She had to work through the consequences- the emotional strain. Yet she wouldn't be alone. Michael would be right there for her. As would Nikita, and everybody else.
"You have to talk in return," Alex shot back. She shouldn't be forced to talk if no one else was going to. She wasn't the only one having issues. Nikita hardly spoke about anything personal, and she wouldn't let others talk about her brother. Ryan was almost always locked in his office. And Birkhoff was freaking out over the mole thing, and he seemed to be hiding something regarding it. The whole team needed to talk about whatever they were suffering through. Alex shouldn't be interrogated for her drug use when they all needed a conversation.
"We will," Instantly, Michael agreed. The team had faced too many hardships recently to stay quiet. Bottling emotions up obviously wasn't doing them any good. They were going to self-destruct before they could destroy the remaining Dirty Thirty or Amanda. Alex's drug use didn't even scratch the surface on all the things that were wrong. Those couldn't keep being ignored. The team of former rogues had to talk like they once had. And Michael believed Sean should've been a part of that, though, they'd have to wait until the Seal was free. A text from Birkhoff pushed their much needed conversation up, "Come on. Birkhoff has something for us."
