"Ryan wants me for a mission," Glancing at her buzzing cellphone, Alex decided that she should finally answer it. She had mostly ignored her phone as she had taken time off from Division and the war. She only responded to the occasional texts or calls from her mother. The rest of the world had been silenced and shut out. However, after over a week of sitting around doing nothing, Alex was ready to escape her apartment. There were things she had to do, and what better time to start them than then.
"You don't have to go. You can still take time off. They can survive without you," Sean stopped Alex from rushing out the door. Although it had been over a week since she had been rescued from Amanda's horrific grasp, things hadn't settled back to normal. Alex continued to refuse to talk about what happened; she also refused any calls or texts from Nikita. Whenever Sean brought up what happened- or even brought up his sister- she turned harsh, sarcastic, and caustic. The sweet, bubbly, loving Alex he knew and loved would disappear at any mention of Division, Amanda, black boxes, and Nikita. She stopped being herself for a moment.
So, Sean eventually stopped bringing up those topics. He assumed that after South Ossetia and Larissa's death, she needed time to grieve and adjust. A week and a few days obviously wasn't enough time. She continued to snap out of herself. It was almost like when he first met her- how she had an angry guard up, and she refused to let anyone in. In the past, he had managed to chip away at her walls and settle next to her heart; he had helped her not be so narrowly focused on her mission and to find happiness. However, none of those things were occurring then. Sean tried to get Alex to open up, but she was completely closed- even to him.
It wasn't all the time, though. Most moments, she was still Alex- his Alex. She relaxed in his arms as they watched a movie; she danced and played with him in the kitchen as they cooked together; and she smiled and laughed as he told her crazy stories from his time with the Seals and his childhood- as long as he didn't mention Nikita. Because the second anything about South Ossetia or Division came up, Alex was gone. The woman she had grown to become was gone. She was the too driven and too angry woman he had met so long ago. And he could not break down her walls, no matter what he did.
The only thing that seemed to calm Alex down, return her to herself, was to distract her from the war. A shift in topics was a shift in personality. If she returned to Division while she was still reeling from her kidnapping, then she might completely lose herself. Maybe she should get farther away from their war; maybe she should visit her mom in Greece, like Sean had suggested. Yet she wouldn't go if he couldn't go. And by the time Ryan texted her, she was ready to get back to her mission. Alex was fiercely determined to see whatever she wanted through, "If I'm needed, I'm going."
Sean, on the other hand, was not needed for the mission. So he hung out in the old gym while Alex went to the briefing in Ryan's office. She didn't question why they were talking in there- most of their briefings and debriefs had been moved to the private room. What she did question, however, was the mission. The President wanted them to assassinate a foreign leader because of the CIA's screw up. That wasn't okay with Alex. Division shouldn't have been used as a weapon. They should only be cleaning up their mess, not anyone else's, "So we're planning an assassination? Something we're not supposed to be doing anymore."
"The CIA undercover list changes things. Batouala has seen it. American agents all over the world will be exposed if we don't make that list disappear," Ryan argued. He knew that Division should only be used to clean up their messes, but the CIA was ill-equipped to deal with that disaster. A quiet, almost non-existent, touch was needed for that operation. Division was the only option the government had left to save countless lives and to protect the country. Of course Ryan couldn't pass on that.
"So go do your magic trick for the President. You don't need me," Alex decided easily. Sean had been right: the team could survive without her. They could do what they thought was best while she did what was actually best. She heard Nikita snark something to Ryan as she stormed out of the office, yet she didn't care to know what it was. Nikita had asked Alex how she was doing when she first saw her, but Alex cut her off with a curt 'I'm fine'. The focus shouldn't have been on Alex- or even on South Ossetia. The team's focus should shift back to cleaning Division and setting everyone free.
Alex couldn't believe she was the only one thinking about that. The former rogues had agreed to take over Division after Percy's death on the condition that it would shut down and they would receive pardons that'd set them free for life. Somewhere along the way, however, the team had lost focus on that. But not Alex. She was going to free everyone, just like she had promised. She simply needed a plan- a good plan- to execute in order to make that a reality. As she considered what to do, she walked past Sean in the old gym. She would've walked right past him, lost in her raging thoughts, had he not asked, "The briefing's over already?"
"I'm not going on the op," Alex fumed. Sean looked at her in utter bewilderment. Yet before he could ask her what she meant or what had caused her to change her mind so suddenly, she began to pace and rant, "They're planning an assassination, Sean. I'm not going to be a part of that. I'm actually gonna be better and do better. The others have lost sight of that, but I'm not gonna let this place drag me down. I'm not killing anyone just because I'm ordered too. That's not why I infiltrated Division."
Whatever perplexed question Sean managed to splutter out was completely ignored. Alex continued to stomp back and forth in front of him and nearly shout in her lividity, "I want to shut this place down, not use it to hurt more people. I'm done. We're supposed to be cleaning this place up, not making it dirty again. As long as the government is calling the shots, we'll never be in control. The others are letting themselves be turned into nothing more than guns for hire. But I won't be corrupted. I won't turn into a monster."
And with that, Alex left. Her rant was finished, and she stormed off to do something about what she had said. Sean was left utterly confused and lost in the gym. He wanted to chase after her, but he honestly had no idea what he'd say to her. All of that anger had seemingly come out of nowhere. She had talked about things Sean couldn't understand, especially since he had so many arguments against her claims. It was just a confusing mess. One Michael didn't help when he eventually found the Seal and asked, "Hey, Sean. You want in on an op?"
"The one Alex was talking about?" Sean attempted to catch up with what was going on. He had accepted that he wasn't needed for the mission- with the agents the team had, there was no need for him to risk his dead man's status. But what he couldn't wrap his head around was Alex's reaction to the mission. The only other time he could remember her acting like that was when Amanda had wanted her to kill the fake Ovechkin. But even then, she eventually went through with the op- after a Division agent had died. So what was so wrong about the current operation. What was Division doing that Alex was so against.
Michael sighed, "Pierre Batouala is the current president of Chad, thanks to the CIA. Last night, his status went from blue to red. John Little, his CIA handler, was found dead in an alley in Paris yesterday. Just before his death, Little stole a list containing the names of every covert American operative working overseas in the oil industry. If Batouala proves CIA involvement, he can kick the American oil companies out of his country and make a sweetheart deal with the Russians. He's attending a reception in Paris tomorrow. There, he'll hand over the file to a Russian intelligence officer. We need to take Batouala out and retrieve the list before then."
Hearing about the operation, Sean was even more confused than when Alex had ranted to him about it. Batouala seemed like a bad guy. He had to be taken out to protect hundreds of people. Division would be doing some good by going through with the assassination. How could Alex hate that. After all, Sean was certain he had told her about similar missions he had performed with the Seals. That kind of assassination was standard for agents like them. It wasn't at all like she had claimed, "That's it? From what Alex said, I kind of expected this mission to involve slaughtering puppies or something."
"She just doesn't think we should be working for the President or doing a blue file mission. Is that gonna be a problem for you?" Michael understood Alex's reservations. Trusting the United States government was difficult to do after all they had experienced. However, as Michael had expressed to Nikita before, sometimes Division did perform good missions- sometimes, Division saved the world with their assassinations. That operation was an example of the good deeds they could do. They could save hundreds with just one kill.
"Honestly, no. It seems like a pretty basic assassination. Besides, if Nikki's going, someone's gotta watch her back," Sean shook his head. Although he knew that some negative repercussions could come from following a blue file mission- such as more blue file missions in the future- he also knew that not following through with the operation was just as bad. The Russians- or any of their enemies- could not have that CIA list. Someone had to step in and stop Batouala. Since Nikita was determined to take on that mission, Sean was determined to follow.
Except, Alex's avoidance of the mission gave him pause. Not about the actual operation; Sean was still determined to go. Her reaction made him concerned about her. Sean had a bad feeling that he couldn't shake about what was going on with her. Maybe it was just paranoia and anxiety. Alex getting kidnapped by Amanda had not been good for his mental health. Yet if other people were seeing what he was, then there could be something to his fears. He had to ask about it- either to assure himself, or get help for Alex, "Hey, Michael. Can I talk to you for a second? Did you notice anything weird going on with Alex?"
"Weird how?" Although Michael had thought it was strange that Alex had refused to talk to Nikita, her best friend, for so long, he didn't think it was that weird. Her time with Amanda had to have been traumatic- how else did one describe a long period of time with that bitch. Alex needed time and space to heal. She probably shut the whole world out except for Sean. Michael would've done the same- just hid out at home with his fiancée. Though, if Sean was raising the issue, then maybe Alex wasn't just reacting to the trauma. Maybe she really had gotten hurt.
"I'm not sure. But she's been a lot different since we got her back. More driven. More forceful with her opinions. Less willing to compromise or give in. I mean, honestly, she reminds me of what she was like when I first met her- too focused on her mission and too angry at the world," Sean continued to try to piece together why Alex was acting like that- and why it was only over certain topics. It could've simply been because of her war-torn emotions from South Ossetia. But, she should've gotten better by then, not worse.
"Yeah, that reminds me of Nikita," Michael scoffed. When Nikita had been a new recruit, when Daniel had died, and when she had gone rogue, Nikita had acted exactly like what Sean described. Save for a few instances here and there, she had since calmed down (somewhat calmed down). Alex was probably acting out in a similar way as a form of trauma response. She was trying to cope with what had happened without the help of therapy. No wonder she was so tense and angry. They had all been at some point after occurrences like that one, "Look, Alex was stuck with Amanda for three days. That's bound to put anyone on edge."
"Yeah… you're right," Sean sighed. A part of him had suspected that he was just overreacting. He should've continued to push for Alex to have a real break from Division- go somewhere far away from all that war and destruction- instead of believing that something was wrong with her. Of course something was off. She had been through hell and back. Although she was so strong and so awesome, she couldn't just bounce back from that. She had to heal. And Sean had to give her the time to do that. He couldn't let his anxiety overrule things and mess it all up. Alex was alive and back in his arms, after all. He should just be grateful for that.
Michael wasn't going to press the issue further. It honestly sounded like Alex was acting similar to how Nikita acted before, during, and after Brandt; the women simply had harsh reactions to trauma that caused them to isolate themselves. However, Michael had managed to break down Nikita's walls eventually. Sean, on the other hand, sounded like he couldn't get through to Alex at all. Considering how far they had come in their relationship, that seemed odd. Something else must've been going on, "What else?"
"Nothing. It's just… she's been saying some weird stuff about Nikita. Like… like she hates her or something," There was a lot more to it than that, but Alex's comments about Sean's sister concerned him the most. She didn't even talk about Nikita like that when they were on the outs. And the fact that Nikita was Sean's sister didn't seem to matter to her. Alex just ranted about the former rogue and everything she was doing wrong. It gave Sean a feeling that he didn't like. It was as though he was on edge, waiting for something to drop. But nothing ever did.
"Could it be because of Larissa?" Michael wondered. He knew Nikita had been trying to talk to Alex about what had happened in South Ossetia, but she had had no luck. They had both thought that it was because Alex wanted distance as she healed. Yet, the more time went on, the more Nikita worried about what those missed calls and unanswered texts actually meant. Michael had tried to assure her; he even texted Sean, and he had proved that it was only about time and space. Yet after what Sean had just said, Michael wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe Nikita was right. Maybe something was going on with Alex.
"I honestly have no idea," Sean shrugged. Maybe Alex's current ill-feelings stemmed from what had happened to Larissa, but that didn't make any sense. Alex couldn't fault Nikita with Larissa's death. It was a freak accident- a result of a war zone. Nikita's presence in that hospital wouldn't have stopped the grenade from being knocked into that room; she didn't have that much command in the field. Although it was a horrific tragedy, and it was terrible to think about, Larissa's death was unavoidable. That was simply how wars went; Sean had seen it enough times to have learned that lesson.
After all Alex had gone through, Sean thought she would've learned that lesson as well. She knew casualties happened; she had seen them first hand. Yet she was refusing to accept Larissa's death as just a casualty. She wanted to blame someone for it, and she surprisingly didn't want to blame the Ossetians or Amanda. Sean couldn't understand why. Though, a quick flash of Amanda's torture chair in that hospital tugged at the back of his mind. Alex adamantly refused the idea of her being in that chair, and she got upset if Sean mentioned it. But he couldn't stop thinking about it, especially then.
Maybe he should've mentioned it. Sean should've told Michael his thoughts about that chair and how Alex reacted to it. But what exactly could he have said. Amanda had used that chair in the past to torture Birkhoff and to wipe Owen's memories. Alex, however, hadn't been tortured, and she remembered everything about her life and who she was. So maybe she really hadn't been in that chair. Maybe it was only a coincidence, and Sean was overreacting. Alex's strange behavior could've all been because she was still healing from her kidnapping. There was nothing more to it than that.
"Keep an eye on her. When you have an idea, share it. We don't need any more problems," Clapping Sean on the shoulder, Michael advised. Alex's attitude could have very well been nothing. She simply needed more time away from Division to truly heal. But in the off-chance that that wasn't true, that Sean's observations weren't just paranoia, then the team needed to be aware of it. Amanda couldn't surprise them again with another horrific weapon. The team and Division had suffered enough. Alex had suffered enough.
