Chapter 14

Charles and I are waiting at Lumber Punks in East Perth. This was Elizabeth's idea of a fun, neutral venue for Charles and Jane's reintroduction. We're meeting a group of their friends and I am coming as Bing's "plus one", because Elizabeth is, as yet undecided about how public she wants us to be amongst her friends. We're early, standing at the bar, nursing our drinks and watching the mayhem across the lanes as various groups and couples get medieval and throw axes along full height, wire-fenced lanes and laugh maniacally when they connect with the heavy wooden target at the end. There is a group at one end dressed up like this is the Thunderdome – so it's both medieval and post-apocalyptic - right next to what is clearly an office team-building event. It's obvious nobody is bonding yet, as they're all about nine on the tension scale over there, glancing nervously at one another and eyeing the leather-clad, axe-wielding enthusiasts in the next lane with a mixture of amusement, horror, and contempt.

We've been seeing each other for about a month. A month of Sunday morning brunches and walks mostly, but we managed to both have a free Friday night 2 weeks ago, so we went out to Fremantle for dinner. Georgie made plans to hang out at her friend's place, though we both insisted she could come with us. Elizabeth had a last session with G the same week and told her she was available for free advice any time, but if she wanted serious, unbiased counselling she should book in with Mrs Gardiner or one of their other psychs. Elizabeth said the session ended with Georgie telling her embarrassing Darcy stories, and she let slip that Fitzwilliam was not actually my first name.

It was going to come up sooner or later, especially as G's nickname for me is Wells, not Wills. That's the reason it came up, though a simple "it's short for William", could have sufficed, but for the fact that Georgie actually wanted to rat me out. In the end, fear of reprisal stayed her tongue. Well, as secrets go, it's not especially terrifying, and if it means she stops calling me Fitz, I'll be happy. But I enjoyed the cat and mouse routine with Elizabeth so much, as she randomly threw out name alternatives while suggesting various enticing inducements to spill the beans, that I have yet to reveal it to her. She even tried kissing it out of me, and I am reliving the memory of that glorious, but too-brief make-out session that happened later that night at Bathers Beach during our walk after dinner, when she finally arrives with her sister and their friends.

Charles has a moment of panic, but within two minutes he has taken up with Jane as though they've never been apart and I am standing next to Elizabeth, like an indifferent acquaintance, wondering how long this night will last. Charlotte is here, with Elizabeth's cousin, Derek Collins. They've been dating since he moved here a few months ago. Elizabeth's Dad has taken him on as a partner in the family business he inherited with a view to becoming a silent partner, or even selling out, in a few years. It's a high-end framing, fine arts gallery and art restoration business. Mr Bennet's passion is art history, so he turned his grandfather's simple framing workshop, located in a tiny warehouse in West Leederville into something more attuned to his passion. He actually has a national reputation, despite his rather lackadaisical attitude towards it, but he's finally had enough and wants to become an academic, studying and travelling the world - dreams which all got side-lined when he had to do the right thing and marry the girl he knocked up, who then proceeded to give him four more daughters before he knew it. I suspect Elizabeth's mother was a stunner, as her daughters seem to be overwhelmingly favoured with good looks. I haven't met her parents yet, but Elizabeth talks a lot about her family, and I love to listen to her.

I do not like to listen to Derek. He is a mediocre art major, who transferred to a middling university here from a middling university in Tasmania and is essentially getting his hand held by Mr Bennet to finish his degree and apprentice with him in the business so he can take over, buying into it with the proceeds of an inheritance on his mother's side. The man takes talking about nothing to extreme levels and has a nasal pitch to his voice that is reminiscent of the Doppler effect. Between him and Charlotte, I develop a twitch as I bounce from infuriating empty bleating and barely concealed hostility. She has not forgiven me for my behaviour last summer and my poorer than average social skills are not assisting me. My proximity to axes makes my fingers tingle with the desire to bury one in his face, so I politely disengage by offering to buy the next round and disappear to the bar to order.

When I return, I join the circle around Elizabeth. She makes room for me next to her, "Alright guys, this is Darcy, he's a friend of Charles. He won't shake your hand because he has a sensitivity, but other than that, he's perfectly harmless." She smiles up at me, as if to say, "See how easy that was?" before she starts introducing everyone. The conversational opening leads to a general confession of everyone's personal sensitivities and some open-hearted ribbing about germs, disease, allergies, intolerances and autoimmune diseases, and by the end, even I'm laughing along. Our time in the lanes comes up, so we pay attention to the instructions, divide into teams and start throwing axes.

Elizabeth relaxes when she sees me behaving and enjoying myself. Her friends are down to earth, asking all the normal questions people ask when they get to know one another. They are careful not to touch me and for the first time in my life, I notice the loss of human connection that a simple touch, like a handshake, offers. I find the sensation intriguing when it morphs into something like envy, as I watch Elizabeth reach out and squeeze the shoulder of Jane as they converse quietly while Charles is throwing his axe for the other team.

"So, you really don't like being touched, at all?" Charlotte's voice is a whisper close to my ear and I flinch away automatically. "Sorry, that's a reflex, but I guess it answers your question well enough." She nods, but doesn't step away, which I interpret as a challenge. "Lizzy doesn't think I notice, but she watches you as much as you watch her. I could tell last summer she meant something to you, but you ran anyway. Are you planning on trying again with her? I didn't talk to her then, your leaving made it pointless, but I can't decide what your game is. You seem different. I would never have expected you to come to a night like this."

I reassess my defensive posture. She is being more conciliatory than I deserve. "Look Charlotte, I am sorry about last summer. I have lived a certain way for so long, it was hard to see the opportunity Elizabeth was offering me. I wasted so much time. But I – well – I'm glad you are looking out for her. Elizabeth means a lot to me. She has opened up possibilities in my life that I thought were closed, forever. Including things like this. My pride, and my position, my family, the business, the scandal, it all just combined and painted me into a corner where it was all I could to protect myself. I want to try again. But, it's up to Elizabeth." I do not reveal that we are already giving it a go.

"You need to see a therapist." She deadpanned, then smiled.

"I really do." I try to deflect any more personal questions. "So, you and Derek?" I couldn't keep a note of incredulity out of the question. She smiled, shook her head, and frowned all at the same time. "He's not so awkward as he seems when he's nervous. He's sweet, and I've seen a lot in my life that isn't. We'll see what happens, I usually scare them away after a few weeks. He's lasted longer than most do. You know, he grew up in some weird commune. His mum disappeared when he was about 5 and his Dad got a job doing maintenance at this country estate near York, with some crazy cat lady-"

"Wait – he grew up at Rosings? With Catherine de Bourgh?"

"Yeah, I think that was the name. He doesn't talk about it much, it was a pretty weird place from what I can understand. How do you know her?"

I instantly regret my outburst and begin backpedalling. "Oh, DG has holdings out there, and I'm familiar with the landowners. Crazy Cat Lady just about sums it up." My stomach is beginning to bubble as the unexpected mention of my aunt triggers a familiar and entirely unwelcome physiological response. Elizabeth suddenly appears at my elbow, something about my rigid posture and frozen face causes Charlotte to get her attention. What she sees on my face makes her eyebrows crease in concern. My jaw has now locked, and I am infuriated with myself for allowing it to happen. When am I ever going to get past this?

Elizabeth surreptitiously places her hand beneath my elbow as she gestures for Charlotte to step away. The relief I feel at her touch is instantaneous. "I'm sorry, I'm ok, you can step away, I know you didn't want to go public with us right now and I'm causing a scene." I look around casually and lift my drink in salute to Bing. Eventually the curious glances are distracted by the competition, though I think I may have Charlotte to thank for that also.

"We'll talk about this later, ok?" I nod and decide to get some breathing space outside. When I get back, I am able to blend back in, but I stay close to Bing and participate minimally in the conversations around him, using him as my cover. It is a role he is used to. I have recovered enough to be mischievously grateful I have secured some private time with Elizabeth tonight. I wasn't sure if that was going to be an option. She catches the secret smile that appears on my face at this thought, and it disappears, but not before a quick glance around tells me that Charlotte witnessed the silent exchange. Another cat is about to escape Elizabeth's bag.

Dinner plans are being bandied about as certain members of the group would like the night to go on longer. Bing came with me, and as things have gone swimmingly with his lady love, we put our plan into action. I beg off dinner, Bing explains his no car dilemma and Jane offers him a ride. Elizabeth decides to skip dinner too and organises a lift home with Charlotte who has an early weekend shift. I'm in my car, wondering if I should have offered her a ride, when my phone buzzes.