Chapter 24 – mr monKey man

Ozpin: –roaching, and Amber is only getting worse. If we don't find someone to take the maiden powers soon, I fear our [incomprehensible] to use the machine may pass.

Goodwitch: Have you made a choice?

[background noise]

Ozpin: The [incomprehensible] promising candidates are Miss Rose, Miss Belladonna, Miss Nikos, and Miss Adel.

Goodwitch: [incomprehensible] last. Sir.

Ozpin: I know you have your doubts about Ruby and Blake, Glynda, but I maintain that–

That was it.

That was the only conclusive mention of 'the machine' that Adam had found after reviewing hours and hours of audio. It faded out immediately thereafter, presumably when the two teachers stepped behind a closed elevator door.

It didn't exactly sit well with Blake that Ozpin was considering her and Ruby to go into the machine. This would make the mission a whole lot easier, but it would also complicate things severely. Ozpin might actually take her down to the machine if she were chosen, but if he decided to force her into it alongside this Amber person, she wasn't sure she could fight her way out past both him and Goodwitch when the time came for extraction. After all, he wasn't going to just let his guinea pig walk out freely when she felt like it.

There were other complications. Ozpin would probably be more inclined to choose Ruby due to his close, almost familial relation with her, and that was a no-go. Words like maiden and silver-eyed were flying around, and according to Ilia only Time's Up Tock held the answers. Plus, Amber herself remained shrouded in mystery. General Ironwood had no idea who she was, and there were 14,000 people whose first names matched – even one of Jaune Arc's little sisters back in Ansel, but she had no relation. The general had checked. Ilia also said Ozpin was interested in women exclusively for some unknown (but likely non-pervy) reason, but that narrowed it down to only 12,000.

The current sequence of events was this: Ozpin stole the machine for the purpose of testing it on his students to create souped-up mega-hunters (or maybe just mega-huntresses). The motive of an academy headmaster was obvious: his enhanced students would elevate his school to glories untold. He had a candidate, Amber, who presumably either had a powerful semblance he wanted transferred or was to be the recipient of someone else's powerful semblance, but something went wrong, and she was nearly killed in the process. Currently, he was keeping her on life support and scoping out replacements to inherit her power. It was also possible that Amber had taken the combined aura and semblances of multiple other hunters, and Ozpin was desperate to transfer this awesome power into which he'd invested heavily towards into someone both competent and pliable.

"Well…" Blake nudged Ilia in the ribs as the select audio finished playing again. "I guess this means Ozpin likes me more than you, heheheh…I-Ilia?"

"Huh? What? Oh, yeah. Old Ozpin…what a guy."

The words went in one ear and out the other. Blake knew why.

"Ilia, we're not going to–"

"We have to."

Adam shook his head. "No. We don't have to. In fact, I think it's stupid to do so."

Ilia stabbed a finger into her desk. "We have to. Tock is clearly in possession of some knowledge we don't have. Our theory on Amber is just that: a theory, and we still are blind as bat Faunus about who Tock works for and why they want Ruby dead. We need answers. I promise I won't get in the way."

"No one's saying you're afraid," said Blake.

"And what if this silver eyed maiden thing is important?" Ilia folded up her arms. "This isn't about me. This is for the mission."

"I don't think it's about the mission," said Adam. "I think it's about you being so determined to not be afraid of Tock that you're refusing to acknowledge that fear of her is logical at this point. It isn't irrational fear. Going after her is irrational bravery. Besides, we have no idea where she is, and even if we did, we wouldn't stand a chance against her. You're asking us to not only overpower her, but to interrogate her and convince her to tell us what she knows. She's a psychopathic killer. Do you think we could reason with her? Bribe her? Threaten her?" Adam scoffed. "We should focus on getting Blake ready for the tournament. That's the most worthwhile use of our time."

"Tournament?" asked Blake. "What tournament?"

"Ozpin has three candidates, and he only wants to choose one worthy of investing Amber's aura into. What better way to narrow down the candidates than choose the winner of the Vytal Festival Tournament?"

"That's…actually a good point. Vytal starts in two weeks."

"Not before the first practice missions," said Ilia. "We could hunt down Tock, get our answers, and then–"

"Damn it, Ilia!" Adam gripped her wrists, and the diminutive chameleon yelped. "Whatever personal growth you feel you need to do, don't prioritize it over our orders! James said to stay away from Tock!"

"Adam," said Blake, raising a hand to quiet him. He let go. Blake turned to Ilia. "It's okay to be afraid. I'm afraid. After last time, I don't want to bump into Tock, let alone go out seeking her."

"I'm not afraid. I won't hold us back."

In spite of her 'courage,' Ilia still couldn't meet Blake's eyes. She was terrified, but she was masking it as best she could because she didn't want to be their weakest link. An admirable trait, but not when it went in counter to simple logic. Blake would have to set her straight.

"Courage isn't the lack of fear, it's the…wait, shit. That idiom actually promotes the opposite of what I want you to do. Ignore that."

Ilia's serious demeanor briefly cracked, and she let out a choked laugh.

"Ilia, you're the bravest woman I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. You risked your life on missions in the White Fang almost every day, and not once did you back down. And on top of that, you faced your own personal demons about what happened at Iridium and came out on top. You're brave." Blake took Ilia's hands into her own. "No one has ever doubted that."

Ilia stared at her. Blake smiled warmly, but Ilia just kept starting. Then, she started to lean forward a bit and shut her eyes.

Blake knew immediately what she was trying to do.

And she responded by doing the same.


Great job, Ilia.

You tell yourself you're going to finally screw up the courage to kiss the woman you love, and you lose your nerve when she misreads it and goes in for a hug instead. Real great way to prove how brave you are. Maybe you'll have your hand shaken next!

Oh, well. She did get a hug, which was better than nothing. Oh, and a pat on the back.

The others were right. Ilia was a coward. But that didn't mean she had to drag the team on a suicide mission over it.

"Ok," said Ilia. "I'll drop it. We won't go after Tock."

The door to their room swung open, slamming into the wall behind it from the sheer force of the push.

"Ladies and gentlefaunus, I proudly present to you: my newest friend!"

"Wassup, I guess?"

Ruby was pulling a blond haired boy with an open-chested shirt by both arms – and Damn with a capital Holy Fuck was he shredded. Ilia noticed Blake's smile widen as the two of them entered.

Oh. So that's what she likes…guess I really never did have a chance unless I hit the gym and got ultra-jacked abs. And grew a dick.

"Who's this, Ruby?"

"You told me to make a new friend every week, so this is my friend! Say hello to Mr. Monkey Man!"

The Faunus closed his eyes and swiped his hand downwards. "Oh, please. Mr. Monkey Man was my father. Call me Sun."

"Woah!" Ruby's eyes widened, and she stared at the smiling Faunus with wonder. "I totally was just guessing! Is your last name actually Monkey Man?"

"No."

Adam inspected Sun and furrowed his brow. "Monkey…what?"

A furry brown tail tapped Ruby on her opposite shoulder. She looked the wrong way, then Sun slipped behind her back when she glanced back to where he had been standing. Blake giggled, and Ilia felt her heart sink. This monkey Faunus was brimming with masculinity, and his charm was clearly exactly what…

Wait a second…

"Ohhhhh, you chimpanzee-ass bonobo-ass capuchin motherFUCKER! You were the one who knocked me over in Vale!"

"W-What?"

"I'll fucking kill you! You called me toots! I'll shove Lightning Lash all the way up your ass!"

"That was you?"

Sun retreated to hide behind Ruby, who clearly had no idea what was going on and why she was being used as a meat shield. Ilia tried to circle around her leader and tear Sun's tail off so she could replace it with her whip-sword, but he continually rotated around Ruby and matched Ilia's movements in reverse, constantly keeping the confused girl in between them.

"Come out and die like a Faunus! Your ass is a sheath for Lightning Lash!"

"The police were chasing me! I was in a hurry!"

Ilia's face softened. "You were unfairly profiled? Because you're a Faunus?"

"Weeeeeelllllll, I really did stow away, but how else was I supposed to get to Vale? I mean, other than using the tickets I was provided for free by Haven. How else was I supposed to get to Vale in style – there we go, that's the one."

"Lightning Lash! Up your ass! All the way!"

Then, Ilia was hanging in the air by her shirt. Fortunately, Sun was hanging in the air by his shirt as well, so Ilia could continue to try and grab at him. The space between the two of them grew, unfortunately.

"Knock it off, you two," said Adam, who was holding them both up. "Ruby, you need to take this Faunus home. You don't know where it's been."

"Awwww, but he's my new friend! Please, can he stay? Please please extra pretty please with a bullet on top? And sprinkles?"

"No."

"Two bullets?"

"No."

"I…I…I won't eat any cookies until you let him stay with us!"

Adam pulled a ravenous Ilia back even further away from her latest victim.

"…why would I care?"

"Adam," said Blake, giggling in uncontrolled fits. "Just let him stay. Ruby's not going to let this go, and I'm fairly certain she can be more stubborn than you."

"Awwwww, Blakey…"

"Do I get a say in this?" said the monkey Faunus.

"Consider it an engagement present for my dear prom date," said Blake, ignoring him entirely. "One free pet."

"Is that racist of you to call him a pet?" said Ruby. "He's a Faunus. But so is Blake." Ruby began to count on her fingers. "Wait, am I racist? Oh shit, what if I am?!"

"You're going to the prom with Ruby?" asked Adam. "As her date?"

"Hey, Sun!" Ilia called out. "I have a prom date for your ass. It's my whip, L.L.! And at the end of the night, when the moonlight is shining and it's super romantic, they can kiss!"

Adam tried to meet Blake's stare, but he eventually faltered. "Fine. Welcome to Team Rabies, Sun."

The monkey boy was still held up by the bull Faunus, and he looked at him funny. "Team Rabies? Seriously?"

"You're officially honorarily one of the Rabid Animals!" Ruby said excitedly. "Congratulations! That's what we call ourselves! I just made it up, right now!"

Adam set them both down. "Ilia, play nice with the idiot."

She held up Lash. "Can I–"

"No."

"How about–"

"No castration either."

"Not even–"

"Not even one testicle, no."

"Damn it." Ilia snapped her fingers. She pointed at her eyes with two fingers, then at Sun's beady monkey eyes. "I'm watching you."


Sun eventually asked Blake to take him on a tour of Beacon, and Ilia had insisted on chaperoning to make sure the monkey didn't 'try anything.'

I'm just glad she didn't say monkey business.

That had been about a half hour ago, leaving Adam and Ruby alone to take their dinner.

"Talking about Blake and I being dates reminded me," said Ruby, munching on a carrot stick. "Adam, who are you taking to the dance?"

"Pyrrha Nikos."

Ruby froze. "Y-You asked her?"

"No, but I intend to." Ilia had Weiss covered, and Blake was doing Ruby. Goodwitch was off the table, which left Pyrrha.

"…or, maybe someone else? Who's not madly in love with Jaune?"

"Jaune Arc? And Pyrrha Nikos?"

"Yeah. I mean he's busy asking Weiss, but I'm sure he'll eventually recovered from whatever concussion and/or head trauma is making him do that and ask out Pyrrha."

Adam smiled at the colorful but accurate depiction of Arc's interest in the bitch. Ruby and Weiss loathed each other, which certainly scored her a few points in Adam's book. Of all the humans, he was glad he got Ruby.

"Fine. I guess I'll ask…"

Adam actually had no idea who to offer his companionship to. Jaune Arc would've been his second choice after Nikos, but they were apparently both unavailable.

"…no one?"

"You can't!" said Ruby, slamming her hands into the table so hard their meals rattled slightly. "You have to go with someone! Blake says that it's really important to foster meaningful relationships and express your love for others by spending non-negligible quantities of time with them and bonding over your shared experiences! So, no! You have to at least ask someone! Leader's orders."

"Any recommendations, oh illustrious and amorous leader of mine?"

Ruby scratched at her chin. "Not Sky, since he's kind of a butt and called Crescent Rose fat in that dress I put her in. Yang's not an option either after you got her fruit cup all over her hair…hey, why did you do that, by the way?"

"She stabbed me."

"S-She stabbed you?"

"Yes. Earlier that day. Any other men or women you think I should ask?"

"Well, maybe the choice should be yours. What kind of partner do you like?"

"I don't care. I'm literally only doing this because you're ordering me to, and the effort it would take to dissuade you is greater than acquiescing."

"Hmmm…why don't you ask a transfer student?"


"Remember," said Blake. "Girls like guys who are genuine. Be honest, be truthful, and don't be afraid to show your vulnerable side."

"I never thought I'd see the day," said Ilia. "I always thought he was saving his virginity for General Ironwood."

Adam decided it was best to not mention Winter. "It's only because Ruby insisted. No other reason."

"Sure," said Ilia. "Keep telling yourself that."

"Are you sure you're ready?" asked Blake. "You could practice asking Ilia and me first, just to get the words down."

There was no need for such a trivial task. "It's fine. All I need to do is secure a prom date. How incompetent at this do you think I am?"

Ilia and Blake looked at each other, then looked at Adam. Both Faunus girls opened their mouths.

Adam cut them off. "Don't answer that."

Ilia patted him on the back, then pushed him forward. "Go get her, tiger."

Honestly, their concerns were overdone. Adam knew exactly what he was doing. He'd just treat it like one of the hundreds of military exercises he'd taken part in, and nothing could go wrong.

Adam approached the target, then announced his presence in a commanding voice.

"Cinder Fall."

The girl in question turned away from her silver haired partner and smiled. "How may I help you…Adam, I believe it was?"

Blake had said to be honest, so Adam decided to try out her advice.

"I would like to take you to the Beacon dance. I have no romantic or sexual interest in you. This is purely for optics, as my leader has demanded I obtain a date. After the minimal amount of effort to convince her we are together, I fully intend to break off all interaction with you and never acknowledge your existence or invest effort into furthering our relationship again."

Cinder blinked.

Watching from the sidelines, Blake and Ilia's jaws dropped.

The transfer huntress recomposed herself from her initial shock. "Why, what an…interesting proposal. As it happens, I am in need of a, hmmm, shall we say 'low-maintenance partner' as well, and I think you might just be the man for me. Yes, Adam. I accept."

Ilia fell to the floor and began thrashing about violently, her eyes hemorrhaging blood. Blake knelt on the ground next to the dying chameleon, unsheathed Gambol Shroud, and drove it straight into her own heart.


So, that was a thing. Adam had a date, meaning no member of K would be going to the dance alone. We've all found love at Beacon, just like General Ironwood always wanted…

"Excuse me?"

Blake turned around.

"Oh, hey. How're you doing, Pyrrha?"

The Invincible Girl was still on the list of suspects, but Blake didn't think she'd try something in broad daylight with so many witnesses. Thus, she'd greeted her cordially and decided to let this play out.

"Great."

"Hey, have you managed to ask someone to the prom yet?"

"No, I–"

"Really?" teased Blake. "Not a certain blond-haired and bumbling knight?"

"W-Well, Jaune and – no. No, that isn't what I came her to talk to you about. Yang says I need to speak up for myself, so that's what I'm doing. I need to say this before I lose my courage. Blake Belladonna, I know you."

Blake tensed up. Broad daylight and witnesses were all well and good, but if Pyrrha was planning to off her, that was definitely how it started. Turning so Pyrrha couldn't see and putting her hands on her hip, she sneakily thumbed the clasp holding Gambol Shroud in its holster.

"I suppose that technically isn't true. I recognize you. I knew your parents, Ghira and Kali, before what happened to them in Atlas. You look just like your mother."

Blake felt her throat tighten.

"B-Blake, I'm so sorry about what happened to them."


Author's Notes

Why did you kill them, Pyrrha? Whyyyyyyy?

Oh, and be sure to check out The Empty Seat, my other fic. We're about sixty chapters or so in, just over halfway through in terms of wordcount, and things are just starting to heat up as we reach the penultimate round of the Vytal Festival. Who will win? Who will lose? Who even am I? Find out this Sunday when our regularly scheduled update is dropped!

Warning: this will be your last chance to start The Empty Seat. Catch up over this weekend, or you'll miss out.

On that happy note, happy rats, and don't do crime!