Chapter 19

"How well do you know Sophie in Noah's class?" Rafael questions from the bedroom.

Liv finishes brushing her teeth, rinsing her mouth. "I don't know here at all, actually."

He appears in the doorframe of her bathroom. "Am I reading too much into what Noah mentioned today about her father?"

She meets his gaze in the mirror. "...do you think maybe you're projecting?"

Rafael sighs, pushing away from the doorframe, moving back into her bedroom.

She gives him a minute, finishing up her nighttime routine before flicking off the light and heading into her bedroom too. "Do you want to talk about it?" She questions carefully.

Rafael sits on the edge of her bed, and as she rubs the moisturizer into her hands, she watches as his eyes sweep over her slowly.

"I don't want to talk about my father," he answers.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Us. Sex, specifically."

The heat immediately fills her face. "Are you deflecting?"

That lopsided smirk crosses his face, his head cocking in that way it does when he knows she's right. "I am. I don't want to talk about him, not here with you, when you look like that."

His gaze rakes over her again and she looks down at the t-shirt and shorts she's wearing. "This does it for you, counsellor?" She teases.

"Everything about you does it for me, Liv...I want you."

She leans in the doorframe of her bathroom, needing to steady herself a little. "I want you too."

He smiles a little. "I don't want to fumble our way through this; we're not teenagers. I want us both to feel pleasure, be sexually satisfied."

Liv swallows hard, feeling the heat pool between her thighs.

"I'd never forgive myself if a did something to trigger you," he adds seriously.

She rests her head against the doorframe, holding his gaze. "What do you want to know?"

"Fingering?"

"Depends."

"On?"

"How wet I am."

Rafael nods. "How many?"

"How many what?" She questions.

"Fingers," he clarifies.

She glances at his hands that are clasped in his lap. "Your fingers? 1 or 2 comfortably."

"Noted. Oral sex?"

"What about it?"

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Do you?"

"Now who's deflecting?"

How does she tell him that her sex life has been so vanilla the last few years? "...it's been a long time."

He's silent for a moment before speaking. "Is that by choice or design?"

"A little bit of both," she answers truthfully. "...I haven't felt comfortable."

Rafael nods. "Do you enjoy it?"

"...is it too telling if I say no?"

"Yes," he admits. Brian and Ed don't strike him as men that would worship Liv and her most intimate parts. "I'd like the opportunity to change your mind...there is, absolutely nothing more on this earth that I would rather do than taste you. Devour you. Feel you flutter against my lips. Bring you pleasure, over, and over and over again."

She folds her arms against her chest in an attempt to hide how hard her nipples have become. "Well, when you put it like that," she jokes.

"No jokes, Liv."

The seriousness in his tone is matched with the pure desire in his eyes. "Ok...do you?"

"Enjoy oral sex?" He clarifies.

Liv nods.

"I enjoy receiving only as much as my partner enjoys giving. Do you enjoy giving, Liv?"

She swallows, attempting to dislodge the lump in her throat. "I don't think I've ever been asked that before."

His head tilts, as he exhales. "I only want your lips wrapped around me if you enjoy it, alright?"

She licks her lips without thinking, adverting her gaze from his in an attempt to hide the effect his words have had on her. "Any other questions?" She manages to choke out.

"Toys?"

She raises an eyebrow in surprise. "I have a vibrator. Do you have any toys?"

"A cock ring, vibrator."

Images of him in the throes of passion, using a vibrator on himself cause the heat to flush her face. "For yourself, or with a partner?"

"Both."

She nods. "Do you enjoy anal sex?"

"Depends."

"On?" She questions.

"How much I trust my partner."

"Do you trust me?"

"With my life," he answers seriously. "Do you enjoy anal sex?" He questions back.

"Never tried it."

"Would you?"

"Depends."

He smiles. "On?"

"How much I trust my partner," she echos.

"Do you trust me?"

"With Noah's life."

His chest tightens. Her sons life is far more important than her own and the seriousness of her admission isn't lost on him. "Come here."

He holds out a hand to her and she pushes away from the doorframe to take it. Rafael pulls her toward him and she moves to straddle his lap. His hands coast up her legs, and in this position the scars on her inner thighs are visible.

His fingers trace them gently, meeting her gaze. "Do they make you uncomfortable?"

"...it's hard not to look at them and not think of..." She lets her voice trail off, not wanting to say his name, not here, like this. Her hands rest atop his, coasting up and down his forearms. "... there's more."

"Show me," he asks gently.

Reaching for the hem of her tshirt, she pulls it over her head leaving her bare albeit her bra. Taking hold of his hand, she traces his fingers over the scars on her abdomen. "...these were the hanger."

They vary in length and in depth, some more raised than others and Rafael caresses them with all the reverence in his soul. Her hand moves to the top of her breasts and he catches the way her lip is trembling. He recognizes them as cigarette burns but he doesn't say anything.

"...I can still smell my own flesh burning."

He counts them, four in total, and he presses his lips to each one, kissing them as if the action alone will make them disappear. The guilt he feels is clenching his throat like a vice and while he knows she doesn't blame him for not putting Lewis away sooner, he knows that he may never forgive himself.

"You're a warrior, Liv." Her chest expands as she inhales deeply and he pulls back meeting her gaze. "Mi guerrera." Tears have welled in her eyes and he's shaking his head, wiping them away. "I love you."

The words are right their on her tongue, and she opens her mouth to give voice to them only they don't come.

Banding an arm around her back, he flips them so that she's laying on the bed. His hands are running up her calves, and she opens her legs inviting him into the cradle of her body.

"Positions?" He questions quietly, letting his hands coast down her thighs. Seeing her like this, half naked and her dark hair fanned out on her sheets, sends the blood right to his cock.

"This is nice," she answers. Her voice is breathy and when he leans down over her, taking her hands in his, it catches in her throat. Pinning them above her, she can feel the slight panic in her stomach. "I don't like this."

"Ok."

He releases her hands and she coasts them up his arms, sliding them through his hair. "Not from behind either."

Rafael nods, understanding the loss of control the position can create. How every perp, Lewis not excluded, had grabbed her from behind, forcing his body onto her. While her one hand is in his hair, the other has slid underneath his t-shirt, tentatively exploring his abdomen. "Do you enjoy being on top?"

A small smile spreads across her lips. "I thought you'd never ask." Maneuvering him under her, Liv straddles his hips. She can feel his cock pressed to her backside and she resists the urge to reach back and take him in her hand. Slipping her hands under his shirt, she lets herself slide them up his body. There's a light smattering of hair on his chest and she smiles a little, liking the feel of it underneath her fingers. He by no means is hitting the gym everyday, but he's confident in himself and she finds that even more attractive.

He lets her hands explore, his gaze never leaving hers.

She moves towards his nipples, teasing them in her fingers and he inhales sharply closing his eyes.

"Does this feel good?" She questions softly.

He's sitting up, his lips crashing into hers hungrily. "Jodidamente increĆ­ble (Fucking amazing)", he breaths against her lips. "...you don't know how long I've thought of your hands on me, Liv."

"Here?" She questions between kisses, dragging her hands slowly down his chest.

His lips stray along her jaw, to her neck. "Among other places, yes."

"...show me where."

His lips find her ear. "You know where," he whispers.

Her phone rings shrilly from her nightstand and she jumps a little in surprise. Untangling from him, she reaches for it catching Rollin's name on her screen before taking the call. "Yeah, Rollins."

Rafael falls back on the bed as she maneuvers off of him, already heading to her closet. He takes a few deep breaths in an attempt to prevent his cock from becoming any harder.

She emerges from the closet minutes later, dressed and finishing up with Rollins on the phone. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Everything ok?" He questions.

"Patrol got a call about a boy at a convenience store. No parents, non-verbal."

He nods. "Call, if you need anything?"

She's pulling her hair up into a ponytail, heading into the bathroom to put on a little make-up. "You don't mind staying with Noah?"

"Did you expect me to just go home?"

She steps back out into the bedroom. "I didn't want to assume."

"All in," he reminds her.

Crossing the room, she leans across the bed to press her lips to his gently. "All in," she echos. "Don't wait up."

...

Liv pulls up to the convenience story, finding a patrol and the squad car already parked out front. As she makes her way into the tiny store, Carisi greets her at the door. " Sorry to call you out so late, Leu."

"It's alright," she reassures. If her phone hadn't rung when it did, she was sure that she would be tangled up in Rafael right now. And despite the obvious desire between them, Liv knows that neither of them are ready for that step. "Have you located the parents?"

Carisi shakes his head. "It's the middle of the night; no ones answering their doors. Kid hasn't said a word and no one that is around, recognizes him."

Her gaze lands on where Rollins is kneeling on the floor in front of the boy who's sitting on the edge of the cooler. He looks exhausted, his tiny head down cast as he fights to keep his eyes open. "Ok. Rollins and I will get him to Mercy, have him checked out. You call the local precinct, see if there have been any missing children calls."

"Copy that, Lue."

Liv makes her way over to Rollins, who stands to great here. "Anything?"

Rollins shakes her head.

She kneels in front of the little boy. "Hi there," she greets gently. "My names Olivia, I'm a police officer...can you tell me your name?"

The little boy yawns, scooting off of the cooler and into her arms. "Bruno," he answers softly.

Liv wraps the boy in her arms, his head falling onto her shoulder. "It's nice to meet you, Bruno...you're pretty tired, huh?"

He nods into her shoulder.

"Why don't we find you someplace to sleep?" Liv stands, Bruno in her arms. "Everything's going to be ok, Bruno."

...

Rafael registers the sound of tiny feet padding down the hallway, drawing him awake just as Noah let's himself into his mothers room.

"Amiguito, what are you doing up?" He questions, rubbing his forehead in an attempt to wake himself.

Crossing the bedroom, Noah climbs into the bed next to him. "I had a bad dream."

Noah snuggles into his mothers pillow and he pulls the blankets up over him. "How can I help?"

"Momma always snuggles with me when I have bad dreams. Where is she?"

"She got called in to work."

"Will you snuggle with me?"

"Of course." Rafael welcomes Noah into his arms when he crawls into him. "Do you want to tell me what the dream was about?"

Noah shakes his head, burring his face in the cotton of his tshirt. When he was just a boy, he remembers how his abuelita would sing to him, chasing all of his worries away. So he hums softly, something from his memory he can't quite find the words to at the moment. Noah doesn't seem to mind as he yawns, closing his eyes. Rafael rubs his back gently and it doesn't take long for Noah's breathing I even out, falling asleep.

...

"Anything?" Dr. Wilder questions.

Olivia shakes her head, careful not to wake the sleeping child in her arms. "He's got to be three years old; shouldn't he be talking by now?"

"Delayed speech," she answers. "I'm not surprised: no one is taking care of him. Several cavities, vitamin D levels are low so he isn't getting out much."

The little boy shifts in her arms, and Liv rubs his back, soothing him back to sleep. "So he's neglected. Any signs of abuse?"

Dr. Wilder shakes her head. "No broken bones or any signs of sexual trauma." She exhales, nodding. "Ok, good."
"I'd like to run some more tests."

"Can it wait until the morning? He's been through enough for one night."

Dr. Wilder nods. "Of course...I can have a nurse come sit with him, Lieutenant."

Bruno's grasps a fistful of her shirt and Liv rubs his back. "It's ok, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'll bring you a pillow and a blanket."

Tbc