"Married," Buffy mumbled to herself as they watched the roof of the pool collapse. The sound of an engine starting up somewhere on the other side of the school signaled Riley and Sam's departure and added another shard of glass into Buffy's heart. "He's married," she said again, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Peace of work, huh?" Spike mumbled as he fished in his pockets for a cigarette as half of the school burned, donating his own smoke to the atmosphere. He swallowed, glancing across at Buffy as the flames reflected in her eyes. "You alright, pet?"
She didn't hear him. Didn't even seem to register that he was still standing beside her.
"He… he must've met her as soon as he left? Who gets married that quick!?" she shook her head disbelievingly, bitterness squeezing her throat with hard fingers. Did I mean nothing to him? Was all of it just so easily swept away? "I was dead in the ground and he was probably on his honeymoon," she snorted angrily, gritting her jaw tight. "I… I thought he missed me. He was all with the sly looks and the "I wouldn't ask this of anyone else" act but he was just using me in case that mommy demon got out of hand… Oh my God, seriously talk about faith in men completely shattered."
Though they stood at a wide distance the flames licking out of the school's derelict walls made her throat feel dry from the heat, flushing her cheeks with warmth even as the rest of her felt ice cold with shock.
Spike shuffled awkwardly next to her, flicking the ash from the end of his butt, before deciding he wanted no more of it and grinding it out under his boot. "I'm no man, Buffy, you could have faith in me."
She shoved him hard suddenly and he stumbled back bewildered.
"What is wrong with you?!" she screamed. "Have faith in you!? Are you kidding me right now?! I just caught you red-handed trying to smuggle some deadly demon eggs and you want me to have faith in you!?"
"For ONCE-," Spike shouted back, his words ringing across the empty lot. "-Could you just trust me, just ONCE, that I wasn't trying anything dark and sinister here, was genuinely just trying to make a quick buck and pay off some debts and so I could help you and Dawn out some, that's all!"
"By housing a whole nest of those things?!" she parried. "How stupid are you!?
"FINE! You know what; plenty! PLENTY STUPID when it comes to trying to help you."
"You're making this impossible! I need you and you are making needing you so impossible, Spike!" she screamed, her words barrelling out of her mouth without forethought. "Your half-brained schemes! Every time you do something like this you make being in lo-" she clamped her hand over her mouth just in time, fingernails digging into her face to crush the words trying to break through even as her lips keep moving underneath. She crushed her teeth together, refusing the words to have even a millimeter of space to crawl out through.
"Being in what?" Spike demanded, shaken, his already pale face a fresher shade of white. "Buffy! Say it! Being in what!?" He tried to tear her hand down from her mouth, but Buffy shook him off violently, hunching in on herself to stop his fingers from getting a grasp around her wrists. "BUFFY!" She pushed him back and ran, the words stinging her throat. Her name echoed once more from the parking lot.
By the time she reached Revello Drive the run had gone out of her. Probably for the best as tears had started to drown her eyes and all the houses had become blurry half-shapes.
"SO, how're we coming along?" Halfrek materialized next to her just as Buffy reached her house and the first set of tears spilled down her cheeks. She cocked her head at the tears streaming down Buffy's face. "Oh, good, right on schedule."
"Take it back, please just take it back," Buffy begged, her security blanket of denials in shreds. I almost said it. I almost said the thing I'm not even allowed to think. God, what do I do, what do I do!?
"You haven't even done one yet, Buffy. It's too soon for tantrums," Halfrek replied as Buffy let out a strangled whimper that turned to heaving sobs.
"What am I even supposed to do?!" Buffy cried, finally facing her. "Round up everyone and tell them, hey, you know, mundo big with the wishing I was dead here and none of you are helping?!"
"Would that be so hard?" Halfrek smiled with a dainty shrug of her shoulder.
"YES!"
"It'll be good for you," she coaxed like a mother trying to get a toddler to eat its broccoli.
"No, it won't!"
"Have a little faith in me, Buffy." Buffy winced, the word landing with fresh vengeance on her already bruised heart. "Look, I'll make it easier," Halfrek continued, clicking her fingers. The lights inside Buffy's house blazed to life. Chatter flowed out from the windows of the living room. "There we go, aren't I generous? I did the rounding, you do the talking. Bye for now!" She winked, and disappeared, leaving Buffy in a pool of light, fists clenched, trying to summon the courage to enter her house.
She pumped her fist and considered just running. Who knew where to? But the sound of her friends talking, a sudden laugh from Xander or Willow peppering the conversation, kept her rooted to the spot.
Maybe… maybe just maybe just maybe it would be alright.
She swallowed, wiping her sleeve across her face. Gotta have faith…
