Two days later, Niles went back to the theatre to buy tickets for the evening's play. He was in luck – not only there were tickets left, but Tammy was on shift at the ticket sales.
"Oh, hello Mr Gellert" (bless her ignorance, Niles thought). "How is your stay in New York going? I'm sorry Miss Babcock didn't receive you after all, I understand you travelled quite a way to get here."
Niles shook his head, as if it was unimportant.
"She has really been in a gloomy mood since then. I don't think she has been back home at all." Tammy continued, in her casual, carefree yenta manner.
"She…what?"
Oh crap, thought Tammy, realising she had said too much once again. Now I have to explain.
"Well, she usually works late… Like until 9 or 10 pm, I don't know, I finish at 6 you see… But there are rumours that some nights she doesn't get home at all. She falls asleep in the office before she can do so. She has a drawer with clean clothes so she can get changed when that happens, and there are showers in the actors' changing rooms… I wasn't sure I believed that, but I did see the clothes in her office, even underwear, and every morning this week she was here before anyone else, and some of the theatre crew start at 6:30am, and…"
More customers arrived and Niles said goodbye to Tammy, not believing the real treasure of information she had just gifted him.
That same evening, Niles took his seat in the theatre and enjoyed the play – he was truly interested in it, he wasn't just there to stalk his ex-wife. But of course, he couldn't help searching for her in the crowd. It wasn't the premiere, but she was likely to be there anyway as the producer. He did see her, clad in a deep purple dress with a deep cleavage and a deep cut on the leg. She looked breathtaking and he still couldn't fathom what went through his mind when he gave up on that for a fling with a random Californian girl. Being seduced was flattering, but did it really take so little for him to lose his self-control? He decided: as soon as he was back in LA, he needed a good therapist.
CC was bored of seeing the same play over and over, but she didn't have anything better to do, and her new self enjoyed dressing up and being looked at. Even if she knew she would be the centre of gossip, her underlying insecurities had found solace in feeding an inexplicable need for attention, which had emerged to the surface after she had been betrayed by the man she had sworn eternal love to. She scanned the crowd with her eyes: she was always curious to see who was there, if there was someone she knew, or what kind of people enjoyed the plays her company produced. Some sort of market research. She almost fell from her chair when she saw that man, the very one she had sworn eternal love to, in the crowd that night. Their eyes locked for a moment but she turned away quickly, as if she didn't want to acknowledge him. She shook her head, as if willing the image of his face to leave her mind, to leave her memories. She focused again on the play to avoid dwelling on those final memories from that day.
The next night, a Monday, was Niles' last night in New York. He couldn't believe he was about to do what he was doing, but apparently he was. Very randomly, he still remembered the door code of the staff entrance of the theatre, which he had used many times over the years when the Sheffields were in New York. The night before, after the play, he had tried it and it still worked! He really should advise the theatre management to change the door code at least once or twice in a decade.
And so here Niles was, at 10pm on an ordinary Monday, breaking into a theatre. Was it breaking in if he knew the entrance code, and he had learnt it for professional reasons?
He didn't know if she still was there – maybe that night she had gone home early. But it seemed like he was in luck, the light was on in her office. The door was ajar but he still knocked gently. No answer. There was no noise coming from inside, so maybe she wasn't there after all. He pushed the door quietly and entered the room.
CC was asleep, slumped at her desk, the computer still on, a pen still in her hand. It had been a long day and, in the attempt to finish some budgets, she had fallen asleep that early. An ashtray sat in a corner of the desk, with a few stubbed cigarette butts that explained the faint smell of smoke in the room, diluted by the slightly open window.
Niles held his breath, feeling a tenderness he hadn't felt in a long time cutting through the thick layers of pain and guilt he shared his days and nights with. As he silently approached the desk, he couldn't resist caressing CC's hair and removing some of it from her face which was resting sideways on the desk. It was strange to touch that raven hair rather than her old blond locks. It was smooth and silky just like before – he didn't know why he was expecting otherwise.
CC stirred. In the haze of awakening, she didn't realise where she was. The feeling of a caress on her hair had brought her back to those quiet Californian mornings in the early days of their marriage. Instinctively, still half-dreaming, she took his hand. But consciousness quickly came back to her – something in her brain clicked and she realised that she wasn't in bed, she was in her office, whoever was touching her was standing up and not lying next to her, and, most of all, there wasn't supposed to be anyone there.
She looked up and screamed.
"Sshh… it's only me…"
CC stood up, almost losing her balance as still not fully awake, and hissed:
"What on earth are you doing here? How did you get in? Will you leave by yourself or do I have to call the police?" Her hand had already reached out to the phone, showing she meant business.
"CC… let me explain…"
She lifted the receiver and prepared to dial 911, but, forgetting that she had promised herself to never talk to him again, she responded.
"Explain what? Why did you come back here to torment me? Did your baby Californian supermodel get tired of you so it's time to crawl back to your spare part? The one you married because there was no other choice?" She spoke so fast, so agitated.
"CC… breathe…"
She took a deep breath. "Done. Can you leave me alone now?" Her hand, still holding the phone receiver, was shaking with anger.
"CC, I just wanted a chance to speak to you. To tell you of how deeply sorry I am. I know that doesn't change anything, but that's all I have. I know I truly ruined everything, your life and mine, and everything that we were building together." He clenched his fist to will the tears away as he felt them prickling behind his eyes.
"Great. Is there anything we didn't already know that you need to tell me? Was it worth it? Where is she now? Were you in love?" She grimaced on the last sentence – seemingly, curiosity had got the better of her - but tried to keep her voice steady.
Niles looked down.
"Was it worth it, Niles?"
No answer.
"How long were you together? You came all this way to talk to me, you could at least talk." If poison had a voice, it would sound like CC's voice in that moment.
"Only… only a few times." His voice was low and shaking, his throat felt like sandpaper. He couldn't look up. "She meant nothing. You… you meant everything, and I let it go…" His eyes shot up to look at what he had let go.
"She meant nothing." CC repeated robotically. That hurt so much. "You threw everything away for nothing." She let go of the phone she was still holding on to. She had never felt so defeated, not even when she had left LA. She felt her soul had now left her forever, leaving just an empty shell. She had been thrown away for nothing, to gain nothing, just out of shallowness and lust. Then what was the point of anything being left in her? An empty shell was more than enough.
Niles swallowed.
"Why then, Niles, why? I can't have meant anything at all, if you chose nothing over me…"
"I know… I don't know. I was… kind of bored and I felt so out of place, you still seemed so out of my league, she seduced me, it was flattering… I shouldn't have done it."
He saw the unavoidable anger mounting inside CC, her eyes growing big and her cheeks going red.
"You were bored? Because for a few weeks I had a lot of work? You were still intimidated by me after all those months of love and sex, and needed to be flattered? I wasn't ignoring you Niles, I was so happy working hard and having someone to come home to, looking forward to some free time to spend it with you. Like that day when…"
She turned around to swallow the tears away. She won't cry, he won't see her cry, ever again, for him. Ever again, at all.
"I know," Niles continued in a small voice, like a scolded schoolkid. "It makes no sense. I had never really been seduced like that, but I was a married man then, I shouldn't have taken it so lightly."
CC turned back to face him again, the ice in her eyes looking colder, sharper, under the black raven hair. Niles was surprised she hadn't killed him just with that look in her eyes.
"You bet. You learnt your part very well, the I don't know, the I am a shallow idiot that was thinking with his dick. I thought you had a brain, Niles. I thought I had married the most special, caring, intelligent man around. Instead, I married a dick."
Silence descended for several seconds.
"I think you can go now. The police is still only a short call away."
Niles nodded. He lifted his head to look her in the eyes one last time.
"I'm sorry." He said straight into her eyes before turning away to leave.
CC watched her husband leave before finally collapsing into a sobbing mess.
