Chapter 23
TW: Food/ED talk this chapter, nothing too bad
Cersei Lannister POV
I'm sitting on the floor in my room and packing up some stuff when I hear Jaime come in downstairs. He slept at that whore's house again, I think. I'm still so angry with him that he would do this, I never thought he would do something like that. I hear him come upstairs and he knocks on my door.
"Yes?" I ask.
"Can I come in?" He asks from outside.
"Whatever," I say. He walks in and stands in the doorway. "What do you want?"
"I cut things off with Brienne," he says. "I just wanted to tell you that."
I stop packing and look up at him, I'm surprised since he was so adamant about seeing her despite how I felt. "Really?" I ask.
He nods. "Yeah, I told her today that I can't see her anymore."
"Why?"
"Because we're about to start school," he says. "It would've been too hard to keep seeing her. And I realized that you're the only one for me."
I pause. It makes me happy that he said that, even though I saw it coming. I knew he would come crawling back to me sooner rather than later. I'm glad to hear this, but I can't let him get off this easy.
"That means a lot to me," I say. "But you still really hurt me. I wish you had at least told me about you and Brienne sooner."
"I know I should've," Jaime says. "But I was afraid of how you would react. I knew you would be angry, which you were."
"I was," I say. "But it was worse because you didn't tell me when you should've. I wouldn't have ever been okay with it, but you have to be honest with me."
He sighs. "I understand," he says. "And I'm really sorry. Can we please go back to being friends again?"
I pause. I still don't want to just forgive him right away, but I do miss him. "Sure," I say, starting to pack again. "But you're going to have to make it up to me."
"How?"
"I'm not sure yet," I say. "Maybe over time things can go back to how they were, if you show me you love me the most."
"I promise I'll always tell you if I meet someone and I'm interested in them," he says. "But honestly, no one's ever compared to you."
I look at him and smile. "You really mean that?" I ask him.
"Absolutely," he says. "Every time I was with her, I always ended up thinking about you."
I knew it. "That does make me feel a little bit better."
He walks over and sits next to me. "Can I kiss you?" He asks, cupping my face.
"Of course," I say, nodding. "I've missed your kisses."
He kisses me and we start making out. I have really missed this, but I don't want him to know that. Showing emotion has never been easy for me. I honestly just feel uncomfortable being vulnerable and emotional in front of anyone, even Jaime.
We eventually get into my bed and have sex. We don't even close my bedroom door, luckily we're alone in the house. It feels good to be with him again, I really did miss that. I wasn't even going to sleep with him for a while, I was planning on withholding from him.
"I'm really glad you broke things off with Brienne," I say as we're cuddling in bed after sleeping together. "I really missed it."
"I missed it too," he says. "And I'm sorry for everything that happened."
"Things will get back to normal," I say. "Just give me time."
"Okay, I can do that," he says. "I love you."
I nestle into his chest and we cuddle for a while. This feels nice, but I have conflicting emotions about everything. I know I've put him through some stuff lately, but the last couple of years have been such a rollercoaster. Maybe we can just focus on each other this school year, and maybe I'll be willing to work on myself a little bit as well.
Sansa Stark POV
My mom is forcing Arya and I to hang out with her today, I guess it's her monthly forced bonding session with her daughters. School is about to start and I've already started cheer practice, so we won't have as much time with her soon.
We're eating lunch and not talking much, this is usually how it goes. "Arya," my mom says. "Are you going to continue with tech this year?"
"Yeah," Arya says. "I'll miss Gendry a lot, but tech is fun and it gives me something to do."
"Have you talked to Gendry lately?" My mom asks. "I'm sorry it didn't work out between you guys."
"It's fine," Arya responds, shrugging. "We're just better as friends, I think. But no, I haven't talked to him lately. I think he's moving into a new apartment, so he's busy."
"Oh, well that's good for him," my mom says. She turns to me. "So do you know if you made cheer captain yet?"
"Not yet," I say. "I'm super nervous, I'll find out when they announce it at the next practice."
"You'll get it," Arya says. "Do they even have many options?"
"Not really," I say. "I'm just really going to miss Myrcella, she decided not to do cheer again this year."
"Why not?" My mom asks.
"She doesn't really enjoy it much," I say. "And she wants to focus more on choir and maybe get into theatre."
"That's really cool," my mom says. "Have you ever thought about doing that?"
"No," I say, laughing. "I can't sing or act, you should know that."
"It's never too late to try something new," my mom says. "Just thought I would ask."
It really feels like my mom doesn't know me or Arya at all, it's always been like that. She's never made a huge effort to be that affectionate or get to know us that well.
We order our meals. I'm still in recovery from my eating disorder, so my mom picks for me. She orders me a half sandwich and a side salad, I don't mind that. I've been getting increasingly more freedom with my food, but the treatment center I went to advised my parents to still pick my meals sometimes to make sure I'm balancing well. It seems a little controlling, especially now that I'm doing a lot better.
Mom has to take a call outside after we order the food, so it's just me and Arya sitting at the table. "Sorry mom still has to order your food sometimes," Arya says. "I know that must be annoying."
I shrug. "It is sometimes," I say. "But I've been getting more and more freedom overall, so I guess it's not all bad."
"Are you doing okay with that?" Arya asks after a pause. I can tell she's nervous to ask me about my relationship with food, I think she's worried I'll get upset.
"In general, yeah," I say. "I have good days and bad days, but I definitely feel better than I did a couple years ago. I'm not on watch anymore after eating, but I know Myrcella is."
"Why is she?"
"She lost some weight, and she found where her dad was hiding the scales," I say. "I guess he got worried about her."
"That makes sense," Arya says. "Is she still with Podrick?"
"Yeah," I respond. "They're so in love, it's really cute. He's been helping her take her mind off food a lot."
"That's really good."
"Yeah, it is. I just wish her dad was more attentive, maybe if he got onto Joffrey more then Myrcella would be doing better."
"Is Joffrey still a dick all the time?" Arya asks.
"Of course," I say. "That was part of the reason she almost relapsed, he just won't let up on her."
"I'm really glad you broke up with him," Arya says. "He wanted to bring your self esteem down to the ground."
"I know, he was the worst," I say. "I'm glad I broke up with him, too."
My mom comes back and we start eating once the food comes. It's still awkward, it usually is with her. I really hope I can be cheer captain this year, it's all I've been able to think about. I really want to have a good senior year, especially since I have to worry about preparing for college.
I applied to Robb's school and Jon and Dany's school this summer, but I hope I get into Jon and Dany's school. That would be my first choice. I'd have to see Jaime and Cersei more, but I wouldb't mind that if I also got to see Jon and Dany. I want to be around peopme I know.
Arya Stark POV
We're driving home from lunch when my mom spots an antique shop up ahead. "Girls," she says. "Do you mind if we stop here? I want to look around."
"Sure," Sansa says. "This place is cool."
I want to protest, but something in me actually wants to see what they have. This isn't my kind of place, but I do want to look for some reason. We go inside and my mom breaks off from us to go look around.
"This place is so cluttered," I say, looking around. "And why do antique shops always smell so weird?"
"Everything's old and dusty," Sansa says. "I'm going to see what old dresses they might have, you can come with me."
"That's okay," I say. "I'm going to go look at old books." Sansa nods and walks to the other end of the shop.
I walk over to a corner of the shop that's away from some of the other sections. There are a couple small boxes, as well as a few dusty old books stacked up against a chest. I sit down on the floor, take the books off the chest and open it. In the chest are some old handkerchiefs and tablecloths, which I'm not interested in.
I look at the small boxes next to the chest, in them are some old pictures that cost 25 cents each. Who would buy random old pictures of people they don't know? It seems a little weird that anyone would actually purchase these.
I take a look anyway because there isn't really anything else for me to do here, there's one of a couple sitting on the porch of a house. They look so happy, things seemed much simpler back then. I would never want to be a housewife, but things seemed a lot more relaxed in those days.
Another picture shows a teenage couple holding hands in a driveway, it looks like they're dressed for a dance. I look at the back of the photo, it says "1958." The couple reminds me of me and Gendry if we were from that era, they look happy and relaxed together.
Looking at these pictures makes me think Gendry and I would've found each other no matter what era we lived in. I think Gendry would've caught my eye no matter what the situation was. We've had a lot of really good times together, and I miss him so much.
There have been several times recently where I've wanted to call him, and then I remember we aren't friends anymore. Even when we were dating, we were still friends before anything else. He's one of my favorite people, I miss him. I still think about him all the time and wish he was in my life.
I take a look at one of the old books covered in cobwebs and dust it off, I flip it over and start reading the first couple pages. It's clearly about a romance torn apart by fate, which isn't a plot that I'm interested in.
The book reminds me of me and Gendry at first, but then I realize something. Our romantic relationship wasn't torn apart by fate, I'm the only one who caused it to crumble. I'm the one who was too scared to have something serious, he wanted to be with me and take care of me and treat me the way I deserve.
Sansa eventually finds me. "You ready to go?" She asks.
"Yeah," I say, snapping out of my thoughts and getting up. "Did you buy anything?"
"No, there wasn't anything cute," she says. "Of course mom bought some really old drinking glasses."
"Makes sense," I say as we walk out and get into the car. "The books didn't look all that interesting to me."
"Yeah," Sansa says as we wait for my mom to get back into the car. "It's usually slim pickings at places like these."
We start heading back home, and I keep thinking about what I saw as I sit in the backseat. Gendry is an amazing guy, and we have wonderful physical and emotional chemistry. I feel so bad for hurting him, and I don't even really understand why I did it.
I want to stay independent and I don't want to rely on anyone, especially a guy. But he never made me feel like I had to rely on him. He was a great boyfriend and a great friend, I miss him so much. I really do believe we would've found each other no matter when we met.
I'll never forget the first time we met when I was 12. I'll never forget the first time he said hi to me when I was reading a book on the couch. I may never be a sappy romantic and I'll never need a boyfriend, but he's someone I don't want to live my life without right now.
I'm going to call him.
A/N: Arya's POV was based on the song "Timeless" by Taylor Swift. Give it a listen for that section to make more sense :)
