Chapter 13: Dense
A few seconds before the lunch bell rang, Sayaka had already gathered her things and was ready to go. When it rang, she was out of the door.
"Sayaka, wait up." Touko said as she jogs towards her friend. "Can I join you for lunch?"
"Ah, I am meeting someone."
"You have been so busy lately. I feel like I lose my best friend."
"Don't be silly."
"So can we talk about Yuu, now?"
"Huh? Why all of a sudden?"
"I saw her run to you last week after our last student council meeting. Then I saw you walking together yesterday. You guys look very close."
"Yeah, she's the one I am meeting for lunch today."
"Why don't we eat inside the student council room. I have the key."
"Fine I'll text her."
The two arrived at the room. Taking out their lunch boxes.
"So, you and Yuu, huh?" Touko inquired as they sat down.
"Yeah, me and her." Sayaka said blissfully.
"If only I met her first. Things would have been different."
"Maybe..." Sayaka said, silently thanking her stars that she went by the music room that day. "But can you play any musical instrument?"
"Not really, no."
"She started to like me when she first heard me play the piano. So, I have one up against you."
Feeling competitive. "Yeah, well, I kissed her first." Touko spat back.
Appalled and provoked. "You stole that kiss!" Sayaka hissed, "Which I am angry about, by the way. I kiss her with permission, so I am her real first kiss."
"Call it whatever you want. My lips touch hers first."
"Well, now she's with me."
"You think I can't steal her from you?" Touko challenged.
"I'd like to see you try." Sayaka said this with a proud smile.
"Oh, you think I couldn't?"
"That's right."
"I just haven't tried yet. I haven't had a challenge I didn't excel at."
"You wouldn't"
"And learning to play an instrument is a piece of cake."
"She's with me now. She wants me."
"She didn't react badly to that kiss, you know."
"Not in front of you!"
"What are you guys doing?" Yuu stares at them in the doorway.
The two girls realized that they were standing up. Hands pressed on the table, glaring angrily at each other.
"Ah, nothing, Koito-san. Come, let's eat." Both girls sat down again.
Yuu entered. Sayaka was on her left side, while Touko was on her right.
"Why don't you sit beside me, Koito-san." The gray-eye girl offered touching the chair beside her.
The brown eyes widen.
"Thanks for the offer, Touko. But Yuu will sit beside me."
When Yuu bowed in the president's direction and walked over to the vice president's side, Sayaka raised one eyebrow at her best friend, beaming with pride. Then she pulled the chair closer to her. Yuu sat down and placed her bento on the table.
Refusing to give up yet. "Koito-san, can I call you Yuu, as well."
"Yes"
"Yes?" Sayaka said indignantly, turning to her girlfriend.
"She's a senpai. She can call me what she wants."
Touko smiled triumphantly. "You can call me Touko, if you like."
"No, miss president, we wouldn't want our kōhai to be disrespectful." Turning to her girlfriend again. "Continue to call her Nanami-senpai, Nanami-san, or student council president. Or something else generic and plain, like miss second-year-san."
Touko glared at her.
"What's for lunch, honey?" Sayaka said with much emphasis on the last word.
The small girl blushed.
"I have sausages, Yuu. You can have some."
"Can you not offer my girlfriend toxic food? And if she's eating anything, it will be from me."
"Can you both stop what I think you are doing?"
A moment of silence.
"She's right. We are sorry, Yuu. Please proceed to eat." Touko said kindly.
Yuu felt a hand touch her leg over her skirt. She looks up at Sayaka, who was eating casually with her left hand. She flicked the hand away. But it came back and is now touching her above the knee. Skin to skin, pushing her skirt upwards a little.
"Are you alright, Yuu? You look flushed. Is it too hot in here?"
"I am alright, senpai. Thanks for asking. Yes, it is a little hot today."
"I feel hot, myself." Sayaka was eating an eggroll while her hand went up a bit more.
"Hmmn, maybe I should request an electric fan, especially with summer approaching."
"That's an excellent idea." The hand goes up an inch higher.
"Why are you not eating, Yuu?"
Yuu tried to push the hand away, but the hand squeezed her leg, sending electrical current all over her body.
"Sayaka, do you not care if your girlfriend isn't eating?"
"Unlike you, Touko, I don't micromanage things. I respect her enough to make her own decisions." The hand goes higher still.
"Maybe you should. She's very red right now."
Sayaka glanced at Yuu at last and found her usual blush a shade darker. She released the leg and turned to face her, putting both hands on the small girl's shoulders. "Are you alright, Yuu? I apologized. I got ahead of myself."
"Tsk tsk tsk. That won't happen if she's with me."
The brunette ignored her friend and focus the girl in front of her.
"I am fine, now. Don't worry. Let's eat, okay?"
But Sayaka is mentally cursing herself. 'Why did I lose myself like that? Just to prove to Touko that she belongs to me. I am a monster. I made her suffer to feed my ego.' They ate in silence after that.
When they needed to go back, Sayaka could not look Yuu in the eyes. Which go unnoticed since the small girl is still in ecstasy about what happened. She thought they were taking it slow. But it seems Sayaka has decided to take the next step. She's excited at the thought of going home with her at the end of the day.
The last bell rang, and Yuu run towards the school gate. Sayaka and Touko was walking towards her, and the girl could not contain her excitement.
"Touko is joining us today. She said there is a coffee shop near here where we can study together."
"Oh"
"What subjects are you having trouble with, Yuu?" Touko asks as she pats the little girl's hair. Yuu tried to go away, but Sayaka doesn't seem disturbed by the contact.
The three of them went inside a coffee house called Echo. They were ushered to a table in the back corner. What bewildered Yuu the most was that Sayaka sat down beside Touko, leaving her to sit alone on the other side. They stayed there for almost three hours until they called it a night.
"You could walk her home, right, Touko? She's on the way to your train station."
"Yes. Is that okay with you, Yuu?"
Confused and hurt, Yuu could only nod in response.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Sayaka said and kissed her swiftly on forehead. "Take care of her, Touko."
"You know that I will." And the best friends waved goodbye as they went their separate ways.
Yuu tried her hardest not to cry in front of her senpai as they walk together.
"Are you alright, Yuu?" Touko finally asks at the train crossing point.
"I don't know."
"Want to talk about it?"
"No, I don't think I am ready."
"That's alright. Just know that I am here if you need me."
Another nod.
Her senpai walked her all the way to the bookstore. She was worried that the girl was too distracted.
Sayaka received a message from Touko.
T: Yuu was so distracted on the way home. Did something happen between you two?
S: Yeah, I think I crossed a line at lunch today. Thanks for taking care of her.
T: You need to resolve that quickly, or she won't be able to concentrate on her studies.
S: I know.
She couldn't sleep well that night.
At lunch the next day. Sayaka was sitting beside Touko again. Leaving Yuu to decide which chair she wanted on the other side. She sat opposite Sayaka, though their eyes were not meeting. The lunch consisted of the two second-year students talking about possible questions that may come up during the midterms. When Yuu decided to pack up her bento while barely touching her food, she stood up, bowed to them, and went out of the room without saying a word.
"Fix that now, Sayaka. She's suffering."
"I don't know how."
"Well, you don't have a choice. Catch up to her now. Go!"
The brunette ran outside and called out to Yuu. The girl started to walk faster.
"Yuu, wait. Please."
"I got nothing to say to you."
"I know you're angry. I am sorry. I…"
"Angry!?" Yuu stopped walking and shouted the word at her. "You can't even begin to imagine how miserable I am right now."
"I know, I was over the line. I push too hard. I used you to feed my ego."
"I thought you loved me."
"Oh god, I do. I absolutely do. You are everything to me. I am just foolish. It won't happen again. I will not do things without your consent. I won't act like everything is up for grabs. I won't take advantage of you just to show the whole world that you are mine."
"What are you talking about?"
"I touched you without permission. Even though you push my hand away, I persist and make you feel uncomfortable."
"That is the reason you have avoided me all this time?"
"Huh? I did not avoid you. I gave you space. So, you can punish me. I crossed the line. That is why you are angry, right?"
"I thought you didn't love me anymore! And that you choose Touko again." Yuu began to cry.
"What, why would you think that?"
"You were not jealous when she touched me yesterday. You sit next to her all the time."
"No! gosh no."
"It made sense for you to love her. She's beautiful and amazing, just like you."
"Yuu, I love you. No one else. I am so stupid. I…"
The bell rang.
"Please, Yuu, let's talk after class. Please, I don't want to lose you."
Yuu wiped her eyes. Sayaka is torn. She wanted to comfort her and hug her, but she's not sure if her touch will be welcomed. Yuu ran off to class.
"Oh, wow, Sayaka. For someone so brilliant, you are so dense." Touko gave the brunette her lunchbox as they made their way back together. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but this is the only way back to class."
'What in an actual hell?'
The classes went by at an infuriatingly slow pace. Sayaka can't concentrate on anything. When the last bell rang. She was able to breathe again. She ran to the gate, looking at her watch. Terrified if she had missed Yuu going out ahead of her.
To her relief, the girl appeared, walking slowly with her head down.
"Yuu, thank you for agreeing to talk to me. Would you like to go to a coffee shop or another place where you feel comfortable?"
"Let's just go to your house."
"Sure"
Yuu was hugging her stomach as she walked towards the train station. Jin was outside when they arrived. Sayaka waved at him to go back inside. She opens the door for Yuu. The little girl went inside. She followed and was hesitant to ask if she could put the seatbelt on for her. But Yuu didn't move. She gladly keyed in the seatbelt.
"Do you want to wait till we are home?"
"Yeah, I don't want to pause after we arrive."
Sayaka opens the door for her when the car stops in front of her house. Yuu goes outside, still walking slowly and not looking at her. Finally, they arrive in her room. Sayaka put a do not disturb sign on her doorknob. Something she does when she studies or draws up designs. Yuu decided to sit on the couch, and Sayaka sat next to her, but with enough space between them.
"Yuu, I know saying sorry won't cut it. But let me explain my side, and you can interrupt whenever you want." A small nod "I was talking with Touko that day about you. She said that if you had met her first, maybe things would be different. I told her you were with me now. But she said she could steal you if she tried. And the stupid person that I am. Even though she couldn't see, I wanted to touch you in front of her. To feel superior and assured that she doesn't stand a chance because you already belong to me.
"When I saw how uncomfortable you were, I felt like the whole world had shattered before me. I thought you didn't welcome my touch and that you were repulsed by me. And so, I tried to give you as much space as possible. I asked Touko to come study with us and eat with us, so you wouldn't feel in danger with me. I am so sorry."
"You are ridiculous."
"I am. Absolutely."
"I thought you didn't love me anymore. That is why you don't want to go back to the house with me and instead go to the coffee shop with Nanami-senpai. I deduced at that moment that she was your first love and you liked her again. You even sit next to her. I was so confused, and my heart feels so heavy. She tried to comfort me, but you are the one I wanted to talk to. Then today at lunch, all your attention was on her. I couldn't take it any longer, so I went away.
"When you touched me yesterday, I was so turned on. But I can't show it with Nanami-senpai in front of me. And you know I can't control how my cheeks react." Sayaka only nodded. Not wanting to interrupt. "I love you so much, and I wanted to be with you that way. Have I not been clear with that too? Why would you think I would be repulsed by the person I love the most? I love everything about you. Why would I not welcome anything that comes from you? I feel like the luckiest girl in the world just for being in the same room as you.
"I was so excited to go back here with you yesterday. I thought we would continue what you started at lunch. So, when you won't even come near me or touch me after that, I fear that you finally realize that I am just some random girl and that you can go back to someone more worthy of you." Tears are flowing freely out of the brown eyes.
"Yuu, I am the one not worthy of you. I felt like I had tarnished you yesterday. And I couldn't forgive myself. I am the one at fault. Deciding things that would affect the both of us without considering your side. Also, I will never not love you.
"I tormented myself to sleep last night. I couldn't imagine life without you. So, if you ever take me back, I promise to do better and not cause you unnecessary pain. I promised to communicate better and not decide things for the both of us."
Yuu is still crying, and Sayaka wanted to comfort her, but she is still apprehensive.
"Can I hug you, Yuu? Please?"
"For crying out loud, just do it already."
Long arms encircled the girl. She cried in earnest when she felt Sayaka's hand rubbing her back. "I am so sorry, Yuu. Please take me back. I don't want to be without you."
When Yuu calmed down. Sayaka wiped away the tears with a handkerchief.
"Could you please imprint into that exceptional head of yours that I love you no matter what?"
"But I did something very bad. I touch you out of selfishness."
"I forgive you."
"No. Make it harder for me. That's the only way I could forgive myself."
"I don't want to make this harder than it already is. Can we just forget about it and make out already?"
"You still want to kiss me after all that?"
"Why do you think I chose your house to talk it all out?"
"I am not worthy."
"Let's move on. Please?"
"No. I need you to punish me."
"Not being able to kiss you for almost two days is punishment enough. Please end my sufferings."
"You will really take me back?"
"You were not taken away."
Sayaka moves in slowly. Looking carefully into the brown eyes, she is still struggling to figure out how to express her repentance. Their lips met. The kisses were tender. Full of uncertainty. It was the little girl who deepened the kiss. Trying to collect two days' worth of kisses. When no passion was given her way. Yuu broke the kiss.
"Can you forgive yourself already? Our make-out session is affected by your self-torment."
No reply.
"See here, I am trying to get kisses from you selfishly. It is the same thing as you did."
"But we are alone, and you are not doing it to feed your ego."
"Well, you are hurting my ego now by not kissing me."
"Be serious."
"I am deadly serious."
No reply.
"Fine," Yuu said exasperatedly, "What punishment do you want?"
"It has to be something that will make me miserable."
"Then tell me what will make you miserable." Getting more annoyed.
"No kissing."
"Denied. That will make me miserable."
"No hugging."
"Denied."
"No holding hands."
"Denied."
"I'll play you all the songs that you want."
"Wait, does playing me a song make you miserable?"
"No, it makes me happy since it makes you happy."
"Then that is not a punishment."
"Then how about I do things for you without question?"
"Now that's more like it."
"Like ten things?"
"One is enough."
"I told you to make it harder for me."
"Did it not occur to you that I don't want you to be miserable or do things out of guilt?"
Sayaka was taken aback. "You truly care about me, huh?
"More than anything." Yuu shifted to make Sayaka lie down on the couch and then went on top of her on all fours. "Now can you please kiss me the way you wanted to? Like you used to. No guilt."
Sayaka considered it for a moment. "If you want no guilt, then this is not the position." She sat up and leaned back on the couch. Then she carefully shifted Yuu to sit on her lap, straddling her. Staring at her girlfriend with unmasked desire. With just those moves, Yuu's heartbeat accelerated. Sayaka proceeded to undo the yellow ribbon. Unzip the jumper. Unbutton the shirt and marvel at Yuu's breasts. "Finally. Now I know what they look like." Her eyes roam around hungrily. 'She's bigger than I thought.' She had seen Yuu in just her undergarments before, when she was drunk after the team dinner. But the room was dark, and she doesn't look at her that way. She's just a little friend for her at that moment.
"Uhm this is not kissing." Yuu panted.
"I am just getting started. Like putting all the dishes on the table and admiring them. Do you want me to stop?"
"No. I am very happy you are not hesitating anymore."
"Tell me to stop when you feel uncomfortable, okay?"
"Okay."
"Promise me."
"I promise."
She started by kissing Yuu's lips. They are slow, soft, and sweet. Touching her face with her fingertips. Yuu's breathing becomes erratic immediately. Then she was drawn nearer as the green-eyed girl proceeded to graze her neck. Tracing the slopes with her tongue. Then she goes to the collarbone. Kissing, sniffing, nipping, and licking. Every movement is done unhurriedly. She heard a catching of breath. The breasts are heaving as the lungs struggle to give oxygen to a heightened body.
"Are you okay?"
"Stop asking questions." Yuu gasps.
The lanky girl chuckled "We're impatient today, aren't we?"
For the first time in her life, Sayaka goes below the collarbone. Her mind swells with excitement as the countless images she fantasized about are queuing to be realized. Her hand goes to the heaving mass. A moan escapes. She is kissing, licking, and burying her face in the middle.
"Sayaka"
"Tell me, honey."
"I want to kiss you."
She turns her face upward and accepts the hungry lips. Her hands went to Yuu's back and caressed her, hugging her tightly. Then her hands found the still-covered waist and kneaded it. Yuu moaned loudly. Sayaka let go of the lips and goes back to the breasts. Kissing every available skin that the small bra didn't cover, then goes back to the neck and eventually the lips. She makes sure to kiss her passionately, focusing more on Yuu's needs than her own. She was kissed back eagerly. Small hands grab her face, not letting her go away again. Sayaka let her hands roam. Touching every patch of skin that is bare. The kisses are intense, but not in a hurry. The tongues danced together. Searching, asking, and yearning. When they finally broke apart, their foreheads touched, tasting each other's breath as they panted.
"Is that what you have in mind?"
"Mostly"
"Greedy, rascal."
"Thanks." Sayaka proceeds to put the buttons back on. "Wait." Then zip up the jumper and tie the ribbon again. "…we're finished?"
"For today, yes. You need to study, right?"
"But"
"If we continue, I don't think I will let you go home. And I don't want to be on the bad side of your parents."
"They adore you."
"All the more reason not to break their trust."
"You and your rules."
Sayaka gets up and helps Yuu get back on her feet. She wobbled a little. But she wasn't let go until she could stand properly.
"Now where is your math textbook?"
"Yay, math. Way to kill the mood." Yuu said rolling her eyes as she walked towards her bag by the side of the couch.
"I am sorry again, Yuu." Sayaka hugs her from behind.
"Okay, I've had enough with these apologies. All our issues would have been avoided if we had talked to each other. Don't ignore me when you are jealous. Talk to me if you think you did something wrong. Don't just punish yourself."
"Loving me takes a lot of work, huh?"
"We are still figuring each other out. It doesn't have to be rainbows and unicorns all the time. And I don't think what you did was wrong. I like that you touch me. Up until you ignored me, that whole thing felt very hot."
"It was still selfish."
"It's okay to be selfish sometimes. I am selfish when it comes to you too."
Sayaka gaze at the floor. "But I know you love me. In the midst of all that, I know for sure that you love me."
"Thanks?"
Sayaka let go of the embrace and turned Yuu gently to face her. "I want you to be sure that I love you too. It hurts that you would think that I would replace you just like that."
"Nanami-senpai is perfect for you. All things make sense about the two of you."
"It doesn't make sense to me that you love me, but I accepted it because I want you. I might not deserve you. But I love you, Yuu."
"Fine, I will try to wrap my head around a goddess loving me." The redhead stated, almost robotically.
"You're silly but so adorable." Sayaka smiles and leans down to kiss her again.
Yuu broke the kiss immediately. "Okay, that's enough. If you turn me on now, it will take a while to calm down again." She took her bag and went to the study area.
"Hmmn, I suppose it's my responsibility to convince you that I love you."
"You are still on that."
"It really bothers me that you accepted a scenario where I would easily cheat on you."
"Okay now I will punish you."
"Tell me." Sayaka said eagerly.
"Don't be so happy about it."
The smile didn't falter.
"I wanted to study history now. I don't think I can concentrate on math today. We can study for it tomorrow. And no kissing till I memorize all the formulas."
"I promise."
"Then, now for your punishment, you will read me the things you think will come up in the examinations while hugging me in that chair." Yuu pointed the oversized half-moon reading chair, which was masquerading as a small bed, by the glass window.
The green eyes look confused. "That doesn't sound like a punishment."
"To me reading history is a punishment. But I like hearing it. And you have a lovely reading voice."
"Okay but can I change clothes, first? I like reading comfortably."
"Sure."
Sayaka comes back wearing a navy-blue blouse and black shorts.
"No shorts. Wear pants."
"Why?"
"Your bare legs are distracting me."
"Fine."
She comes back in skinny jeans.
"Perfect." Giving Sayaka the book. Yuu set up some throw pillows to provide support for her girlfriend and told her to sit down with her legs up on the spacious chair. Then goes between her legs and lies on top of her. Resting her face on Sayaka's chest and hugging her waist. "This is comfy."
"Don't sleep." Sayaka opened the book and browsed through it. Reading about kings and generals, the wars they fought, and their intentions and visions. Yuu snuggles closer. The older girl got her arm draped over the little girl's back, drawing little circles with her fingers while holding the book with the other. Despite her warning, Yuu fell asleep. The whirlwind of emotions from the past two days finally got to her. Sayaka laid the book down on the table. She hugged Yuu tighter and kissed her hair. 'I am sorry for putting you through all of that. I am really not worthy of you. But thanks for continuing to love me.'
After a few minutes of staring at her sleeping girlfriend, feeling the warm body against her, and the soothing steady breathing, it all served as a lullaby. She felt a heaviness in her eyes, and before she knew it, they were closed. She too surrenders to the invitation of the calm after the storm.
