Merry had been true to his word to not push Estella. In fact, she'd not heard from him since that day in the Gamgee's nursery. He had even avoided her dutifully during the remainder of his stay at Bag End, only meeting her eyes once after his declaration, then retreating with Sam and Pippin into Frodo's old study. He hadn't come by to visit, even with the pretense of seeing Fatty.
It had been two weeks, and she had not spoken a word of what he'd told her to anyone. She would rather keep this to herself, think on it without hearing the opinions of any others, and come to her own conclusions.
The trouble with this though, was that Estella felt conflicted about it. On the one hand, it would be quite easy to stand by what she had said to him. She did not want him to come calling. She did not love him, not even the faintest hint of romantic love for him was anywhere in her heart.
And yet, her practicality would butt in. Estella was not a wealthy girl. She had very little in the way of status. Fatty's work done in the rebellion had gotten him far, but not Estella and their mother. Since her father had died and their farm had been burned by the ruffians, they had used up much of the money left to them. Fatty worked and was compensated well as one of the Sheriffs now, but Estella knew that he felt unable to pursue his own relationships and make his own family while she was still dependent on him. Merry hadn't only expressed interest in a courtship, but marriage, and that would relieve Fatty of the burden of caring for her.
Again and again these things rolled around in her mind. Desperately needing to get them out of her head, she at last decided to tell them to Fatty. He suspected that something had happened between her and Merry, she knew, but he had not asked her anything. He'd only commented that Merry had seemed oddly distant in the few times he had seen him. And of course, he had noticed that Merry was no longer coming to their home.
So, one night, when Fatty came home and hung his cloak, Estella gently took it down and helped him put it back on.
"Take me for a walk, won't you?" she asked him, smiling wide. He only rarely refused these requests from her, and though she could see he was tired, he fastened the cloak back at his neck and offered her his arm.
"Of course, Stelly. Are you finally ready to tell me what's been on your mind?"
She nodded, and they set off, not speaking while still in the house, or even the garden for fear of Rosamunda overhearing.
Once they had made their way a little down the road, Fatty asked, "What's troubling you?"
"Merry," she said.
She felt Fatty stiffen. "Do I need to tell him to leave you be again? Good for nothing Brandybuck!"
Estella shook her head. "I think he's been doing a good enough job of that on his own," she said. "He's not been around. I'm sure you've noticed. But… Freddy…" she struggled with the words. She wanted to share this with him, but now that the opportunity had arrived, she found it difficult. "When I stayed with the Gamgee's, he came by to see the new baby." A gust of wind sent a shiver down her spine. But maybe it was the memory of how intensely Merry had looked at her, the urgency in his voice when he spoke. "He told me that… that he is in love with me."
"That filthy…!" Estella squeezed her brother's arm and he bit back the curse that would have otherwise come out. "He just can't leave well enough alone, can he? Using you to make another girl jealous, then spending all that time with me just so he could see you, and now toying with you like this? I know you said you won't let him hurt you, but it makes me angry."
"He said he wanted to marry me," she confessed.
"Marry you? He's not even courted you! I'm guessing you told him off and that's why he's not even looked your way for a bit."
Estella contemplated this. She had been firm and told him she was not interested, but she was sure she hadn't done it in a way Fatty would have preferred. "I told him that I did not want him to call. I told him I don't love him."
"Good girl."
"But I've been thinking on it and…"
"What? Estella, he will hurt you. I keep reminding you because you will not listen. Merry will hurt you. You have seen how quickly he jumps from one lass to another."
"Truthfully I think he is more at risk of being hurt right now than I am," she said. "If you could have heard him at Bag End… I do actually think he might have been honest with me. And please, let me explain why I have thought about it before interrupting again. If I agreed to marry him, he would provide for me. I would never want for anything ever again. And then you would be free to just worry about Mam and yourself." She paused here because though she'd asked for no interruptions, she knew she'd get one here anyway.
"You're not holding me back from anything, Estella."
"But I am!" she cried. "I know you want to be married but fear you'd not be able to support a wife along with a sister and widowed mother. Freddy, I am 39 years old. No lad has ever expressed interest in me, not once. Merry has. He could be a solution to a problem."
Fatty was silent for a long time as they walked through the crisp autumn air. Estella patiently waited. She'd had weeks to consider all of this, so of course she couldn't expect him to immediately come to a conclusion.
"I don't want you to marry him," he spoke at last. "Do you even like him?"
"As a friend, I do. I don't feel anything more for him than that."
"And you'd be alright being with someone you didn't love?"
Estella shrugged. "I don't think I'm going to have many other options, even if I cared deeply about it."
Again, Fatty was quiet for a while as they walked. "I'll talk to him if you'd like, and tell him he can come call. But that's it. There's not going to be any talk of marriage. I need to see how he treats you first."
Estella shook her head. "You don't need to see anything, Freddy. You know him well. He's your friend! And my friend too, might I add. And if he agrees to come, I'll have expectations for him, don't worry about that. I promise you; I don't have a heart Merry Brandybuck can break!"
Fatty pursed his lips. "I'm not sure if that makes things better or worse, Estella. If I at least knew you liked him, I'd be more inclined to agree to this."
Pulling her arm quickly from Fatty's, Estella stopped in her tracks, balled up fists placed on her hips. "I am not asking for your permission Fredegar," she said hotly. "I do not need your permission. You are not my father, and you won't act like you are. I am a hobbit grown; I can make my own decisions. I am only telling you what I've been thinking, not asking if it's agreeable to you. Merry told me to let him know if I changed my mind and I have. I will let him know whether I have your approval or not, and we both know Merry well enough to know he will come, regardless of how you feel."
Fatty sighed and took her arm once again, turning their path back towards the little house they now called home. Estella did not object. She knew he was tired, and her revelation would make him feel even more worn, she was sure. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to upset you. I know I'm not Dad. I am not trying to take his place."
"I know."
"Well, I suppose I'll talk to him, and tell him you're expecting him to come calling soon."
Just three weeks after she had listened to him declare he loved her, Estella welcomed Merry back into the Bolger parlor, this time as a potential suitor. She stood next to the fireplace waiting for him once she heard the knock at the door. Fatty answered and she heard the exchange of voices coming nearer till the words could be deciphered.
"…not sure how I feel about any of this, and neither is she. Behave yourself, or I won't be so drunk next time I try and hit you."
"On my honor," Merry said, cheer evident in his voice.
"Yes, because that meant so much the last time I made a request from you," taunted Fatty. "She's asked to see you privately first, but I'll be in later to… chaperone. Sort of. She'll tell you."
Fatty rushed past the parlor door and Merry stepped in, a broad smile on his face. When he looked at her, he took in a deep breath. "Hello, Estella."
She found she was unsure of what to do. What a strange situation she had found herself in! She settled for granting him a warm smile. "Hello, Merry."
Neither said anything for a moment, and Estella wondered if he felt as unsure as she did. If he did, he certainly did not look it. She decided leaving it unaddressed wouldn't make things any better or easier. "I don't have experience with such things, but I know this is not the way a courtship usually starts. I'm sorry if I've made it more awkward than it needs to be."
Merry shrugged his shoulders and moved to look out the same window that she had during their last talk in this room. "Well, as long as we're talking of unusual starts, they don't normally begin with the lad admitting he'd marry the lass then and there if she'd have him." Another silence. He turned back to her his bright blue eyes eager. "Why have you agreed to this?"
"Truthfully, because I've never received offers from anyone else. And if we find we are suited to each other it would be a good match for me. It would relieve Freddy of having to care for me all of his life." She felt no desire to be coy with him. He had done her the kindness of being open with his feelings, she would do the same with her intentions. "But I don't want to… Merry, I do care about you as a friend. I've told you this. I do not want you to feel as though I am only doing this because of what it could gain for me, but it's…"
He nodded, listening closely to her every word, she could tell. When the words to explain herself seemed to escape her, he did his best to help. "I would be thrilled if you do end up loving me," he told her, voice low. "I know you don't. But if you're willing to let me try and show you what I can offer you aside from financial security, I would be glad to do it."
A sigh of relief made some of the tension melt away. "Very well then! I do have some things I would like to ask of you, at least for now. I do not want you to tell me you love me. Right now, it makes me feel quite uncomfortable. One declaration was quite enough for me. And if you ever have the audacity to try and kiss me in public the way you did in front of the pub over the summer, this will be over faster than I can snap my fingers." Estella saw the flush that rose over Merry's face at that reminder and was pleased. At least he had enough decency to be ashamed of it now. "And I've had long discussions with Freddy about our situation. I've made it clear to him that he is not my father, so he is not to act like it. We will not always be chaperoned as we would have been if my Dad were still here. At least, not when you come to call on me here. If we make our way to Brandy Hall, I suppose we will have to abide by whatever rules have been set there."
"That all seems very reasonable." He came close to her, closer than she would have allowed before, but he did not move to touch her. "Thank you, for allowing me to try and win your heart."
Estella averted her eyes to the floor to avoid the intensity of his gaze. "Yes, well, I thought we could try and spend time together as friends, just as we were doing before. It would put Freddy more at ease, I know."
Merry took a small step back, but his smile and joyful demeanor remained as he readily agreed. Freddy was called into the parlor, and their first afternoon as a pair passed in much the same way it would have before, with tea, a game of Yes and No, and much teasing of Fatty.
When Merry left for Crickhollow, Fatty turned to Estella after closing the door. "Well?" he prompted.
"Well, I missed his visits and I'm glad he will be coming around more often."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
