Estella looked around the room and sat on the bed, feeling tired from even so short a trip. Crickhollow was blissfully quiet compared to Brandy Hall. Yes, their smial was private and quiet enough, but for the entire three weeks after the wedding, Estella had felt a sense of being "on call," especially after the first week, when the honeymoon was considered officially over.
Merry had been obligated to return to his duties as Master of Buckland by then, and Estella and Esme had spent what seemed to be an innumerable number of hours in Esme's study looking over all the various genealogies and, to Estella's great humiliation, working on her penmanship. Estella had spent more time making small drawings in the margins of the paper, rather than truly trying to copy Esme's wide, looping script though, and in doing so had discovered that her new mother-in-law truly must care for her, for she was only scolded but once.
When she wasn't with Esme, she was being fitted for new dresses. This, while not entirely unfamiliar, made her feel uncomfortable numerous times. Her mother was the only one to have ever measured her in the past, and never for dresses and gowns so fine as the ones that were being made now. She was sure when they returned to Buck Hill, her wardrobe would be bursting with new clothes.
There had been dinners too, in the great dining hall, that she and Merry had been expected to attend. Only a few times in those weeks had she been able to cook for just the two of them in their own kitchen, and even on a few of those occasions, Esme had joined them.
At last, they had escaped the Hall, and Estella was very glad for two weeks away. Esme had made sure she took along paper, inkwells, and quills, but Estella knew she could get away with little practice if she really wanted to.
"Happy to be away, Stella?" Merry asked, carrying in her bag for her.
"Indeed! I think if Diamond doesn't mind, I'd like to help make us all some supper that won't be interrupted by talk of penmanship practice or ancestors from ten generations back, or how to appease the vintner's wife who was offended because she wasn't invited to the wedding. Why is it any of her business?"
Merry flopped down next to her, making the bed bounce and squeak.
"Oi!" cried Pippin. "You could be decent and wait for nightfall before breaking in Merry's old bachelor bed! Or leastways close the door!"
Estella rolled her eyes and Merry only laughed, telling Pippin he had no room to talk. At Estella's questioning look, Merry chuckled.
"The short version of the story is that Pip and Di eloped without telling me, forgot to lock the door, and I was unfortunate enough to be caught off guard when I came to wake Pippin in the morning."
"I don't think I want to hear the long version."
"Well, I certainly won't be neglecting to lock our door tonight," he teased, kissing her hand before springing off the bed. "I've got to get Stybba settled and groomed in the stable. Diamond will be starting supper around now if you'd like to join her. She's more than capable, but your food is better, I have to say."
Estella said nothing, only sat upright and stood, but she was pleased with Merry's praise. She thought to herself that it was no wonder a farmer's daughter was more capable in the kitchen than a North-Took girl who'd had her meals prepared for her most of her life, but she did not dare speak this aloud.
When she came down the hall to the kitchen, she found Diamond was indeed preparing supper. She was just putting a loaf of bread in the oven. There was a pile of mushrooms and herbs on the table, next to several kinds of root vegetables, and a chicken roasting over the fire. Some apple tarts that were already prepared had been set out for afters.
"Hello, Diamond," Estella said as she entered. "Can I help?"
Diamond smiled and nodded, indicating with her head where another apron hung from a hook on the wall. Estella eagerly put it on and cleaned her hands.
"Are you making mushroom soup?" she asked, only getting a nod in response. "Should I dice mushrooms for you?" Again, a nod only. Estella felt her old frustrations with Diamond coming back to the surface. Why wouldn't she speak? Was it so much to ask that she answer questions verbally? She did her best to stuff it back down inside herself. Merry would not be pleased, she was sure. She wasn't sure if knowing Diamond would speak to her made this new situation more or less frustrating.
"Where are the knives?" she asked.
This did get her a spoken response, which she was glad for. "Oh, I keep the one for chopping vegetables in this drawer," she indicated. "But the rest are over there," she motioned with her head to another drawer on the other side of the kitchen.
"Why not keep them all in the same spot?" Estella wondered.
Diamond only shrugged her shoulders.
With a sigh, Estella decided to enjoy cooking in the quiet, only asking questions when necessary about what Diamond had planned for the vegetables and how long the chicken had been roasting.
She found other oddities about how the cooking and dining things were stored while supper was prepared. Estella would have kept the plates and bowls together, but Diamond kept them in separate cupboards, and there were mugs and glasses in seemingly any old place, rather than a dedicated spot. Silverware at least, was kept together, but other than that, Estella thought the kitchen a rather disorganized mess and found it was difficult to work in, when she couldn't get a grasp on where anything was kept, as there seemed to be no rhyme or reason. Every time she stumbled across something in a place she deemed incorrect, she would have to push her tongue back behind her teeth and take a deep breath to keep from saying something unkind. She reminded herself many times that this was not her home alone, but Diamond's as well, had been Diamond's for longer, and full-time.
Once supper was prepared, Diamond stepped out and called Merry and Pippin in from the stables, where they had both gone to put away the wagon and pony that had come from Brandy Hall.
"Would it be alright if I served everyone tonight?" Estella asked, once the four of them were seated together in the dining room. "I'd like to, as it's my first night as a member of the household."
Pippin cast a quick look at Diamond before he said, "Merry and I would be honored to have you serve us, Mrs. Brandybuck! Let Diamond serve herself though. She's a bit particular about her plate."
Estella bit the inside of her cheek hard when she thought up a remark about picky children. She was soon able to smile through it though and served the lads their plates and then her own, while she watched Diamond slowly make up her own plate, meticulously making sure none of the foods touched each other, and carefully picking through the vegetables to find ones with no crisp edges.
Questions burned on her tongue, but again, she bit them back, choosing to try and enjoy catching up with Pippin instead. As they all began filling their plates with second helpings, Estella reached for the spoon to serve herself more potatoes and cabbage. Merry's hand came to her arm and stopped her.
"Best save those ones for Diamond," he told her.
Estella felt all her irritation rise back up in an instant now. "Why?" she asked, her tone harsh. Merry's eyes flashed at her in warning. Pippin shifted in his seat and Diamond looked down at her lap. Estella knew he had reached for her hand under the table.
"She is funny about different textures. She doesn't like the brown edges, on anything really," Pippin explained.
"You're as fussy as a faunt, aren't you, Diamond?"
"Estella, stop it," Merry told her. "We all have things we are fussy about," he looked to Diamond as he spoke. "And this is one of Diamond's."
Estella heard and heeded the gentle warning in his voice, keeping the sharpness of her tongue under control for the remainder of the evening. She had not missed the small smile Diamond gave Merry, nor the look of appreciation from Pippin.
She sat next to Merry in contemplative silence while Diamond played her harp after supper, wondering if she had made a mistake in telling Merry it would suit her to stay at Crickhollow part of the time. Why did they need to? The bustle of Brandy Hall was certainly not what Estella was used to, but she would adjust! Certainly, she would adjust more quickly to that than to living with Diamond.
But she watched the way Merry and Pippin sat together, the way they often sat together. There was something there, something between them that she did not understand or recognize. Part of her wanted to compare it to the bond she had with her brother, but this was deeper, somehow, stronger than even that. It was there most strongly when they were not speaking, when they sat just enjoying the company they shared and the lives they had begun to build for themselves, and it was there now.
It made Estella wonder if Merry would have been happy living away from his cousin. Perhaps he had truly desired to stay at Crickhollow and had been quite glad when she'd admitted to being nervous about living in Brandy Hall.
Well, he has married me, not Pippin, she thought to herself, as Diamond put away her harp and quietly asked if Pippin would join her outside before they retired to bed. Merry then said he was ready for bed, and Pippin began his teasing again, quick with creative and bawdy jokes. Merry only laughed though, good naturedly shoving Pippin's shoulder as he passed behind him.
"Turnabout is fair play, Merry!" Pippin cried, laughter in his eyes and his arm coming around Diamond's waist. "It's time for me to pay back every comment you made when Di and I were first married."
Merry raised his eyebrows. "I don't believe I ever said anything as crude as that, Pippin! But get yourself outdoors so I can at least make some of those remarks true!"
Estella covered her mouth to hide her amusement, but Pippin's laughter was contagious, and she could not help but join in. When the Tooks had gone outside, Merry turned to her. The mirth was gone from his eyes, and she was at once on her guard.
"Those remarks about Diamond were unnecessary," he said, with no hesitation.
"I just do not know how you abide it," Estella readily admitted.
He sighed, crossing to the window of the parlor and silently invited Estella to come look out to the front lawn. She stood by his side, and watched Pippin and Diamond in the dark, Diamond spinning about in tight circles, head thrown back, arms stretched out wide, Pippin standing by, seeming to laugh at her in enjoyment.
"I love her because Pippin loves her," he explained. "And she really is a delightful girl. She is good for Pippin in so many ways, and I'm thankful to her for it. She's made him grow up. Her mind…" he trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words before turning back to the parlor, pulling Estella by the hand with him. "Her mind works so differently than yours or mine."
"Is that why she insists on touching Pippin all the time?"
Merry nodded. "I think so, yes. And she's lonely, I know."
Estella took time to reflect on this, following Merry down the hall to their bedroom. Now that she thought on it, it seemed that Diamond did have precious few friends. She knew Rose Gamgee was quite fond of her, but Estella was well aware of the distance between Crickhollow and Hobbiton. Did she have anyone to confide in, to talk to, other than Pippin and Merry?
"I guess she has always been that way," he continued. "Even when she was just a little thing. But I want you to remember that since she and Pippin got married, she's lost just about everyone. Her parents have finally started writing again, but they haven't visited. She was very close with her sisters, but neither of them will talk to her right now either." Estella knew how she would feel if Fatty cut her out of his life and she could easily imagine how difficult it must have been for Diamond to lose those close bonds. "And of course, Pippin's father is…"
Estella chanced a look at Merry now. "I thought things were better. They were invited to the Great Smials for Yule."
Merry nodded. "Yes, but that was the first time in years, and things between Pip and Uncle Paladin are still very strained and tense. He's still considering naming someone else heir to the Thainship."
Estella had been unaware of this. Pity for Pippin and Diamond welled up in her heart then, as she began to undress and prepare for bed.
"That's why they don't have children yet, when it comes down to it. They don't want a child when they won't have any help to raise one."
Estella closed her eyes now, her heart hurting for Diamond even more. "All this because they eloped?"
"There's quite a bit more to it than that, I'm afraid. But it's not my story to tell."
"I need to apologize."
Pulling his nightshirt over his head, Merry agreed. "Yes, you do. But not tonight. Leave it till the morning."
"You know, Diamond told me she thought I was kind during Yule. I knew she was wrong then. I suppose she knows it now too."
Merry took her hand and made her meet his eyes. "I need you to try harder with her. I understand that you married me, and I am the only one you have obligations to, but Di is family. Please, please promise me you're going to try harder. You are kind when you want to be. I have seen you do it. I have seen you pour out kindness on my mother when she needed it, and it made me love you even more than I thought I could."
"I will try."
The next morning Estella rose early after a night of fitful sleep. She was not sure if it was due to sleeping in a new bed or her desire to apologize. She did not know if she would ever be great friends with Diamond, but at the very least she could do her best to make her feel a little less alone.
Finding her way slowly through the disorganization, she located enough pans and utensils to begin breakfast. Bacon, eggs, and some fried potatoes, she thought, along with tea. Estella was careful, very careful, with the bacon and potatoes. The bacon, she supposed, would have to be at least a little crispy in some places, but she did her best. The potatoes she watched with an eagle eye, pulling them off the fire when they were just done, before then carefully arranging a plate, making sure none of the foods touched. She poured a cup of tea and then set them on the kitchen table, hoping with everything in her that Diamond would wake while it was still hot.
Luck was with her, and Diamond did indeed pad into the kitchen, fully dressed, but auburn hair still in a thick, messy braid over her shoulder.
Estella motioned to the meal she had set at the table. "I think we got off on the wrong foot yesterday, and it was my fault. If it's alright with you, I'd like to start again."
Diamond smiled and nodded, sitting at the table. Estella watched anxiously as she examined the plate, then began to eat. She sighed, then turned back to her breakfast preparations for the rest of the household. Diamond's voice startled her, nearly making her drop the potatoes into the fire a few moments later.
"We can move things in the kitchen today, if you'd like," Diamond offered. "I know it's messy."
Estella smiled and nodded. "Yes, I think that would be nice. We might be able to make it a bit easier for everyone to use if we could change where things are stored."
There was more silence for a while, then Diamond spoke again. "I know that... I know that I am different. You don't need to dance around it with me. I know it bothers you that I don't talk much. I… I think as we get to know each other better, I will speak easier around you."
"I know Merry and Pippin want us to be friends. I think I'd like that as well," Estella earnestly said.
Diamond nodded and began sipping at her tea. "I want to be your friend. I have been very excited about you living here. I miss having another lass to talk to."
Estella smiled as she looked at her. Perhaps it would not be as difficult as she thought to adjust. She could make efforts if Diamond did, and it seemed Diamond would.
