JENNIE

Luckily, the hallway was empty. I quickly ducked into the ladies' room, which was also empty. The panic abated and I sank to the floor and put my head on my arms. That had been too close. If that had been Taehyung and not Evan? My stomach clenched at the thought. If I was going to leave Taehyung, it wasn't going to be with him finding out like that. Was I really going to leave Taehyung for Lisa? I loved Taehyung, I didn't want to leave him…but…Lisa's arms had felt so good around me again. I knew that I wasn't going to say no to her anymore. I needed her too much. Maybe it could work with both of them? I smiled and held my fingers to my lips, remembering Lisa's tender kiss. Did Lisa really love me? Did I love her? That thought thrilled and terrified me. Could I really handle having an irrefutable affair? Could Lisa? Could Taehyung?

Opening the door, I peered down the hall. Still empty…good. I glanced over at the mirror and decided I didn't look like I had almost been with Lisa…again…and sighing, turned and left the small room.

My eyes instinctually went over to the band's table as I reentered the bar. I frowned, no Lisa. Was she still in the back room with Evan? I couldn't worry about it, as I was getting icy stares from several customers, who looked none too happy about my prolonged absence and also…Taehyung was approaching me, a little cautiously.

I hoped for a moment that maybe no one had told Taehyung anything yet, but over the low rumble of voices in the bar, I heard Jackson loudly yell, "Yeah, Jennie, woooo – nice bitch slap!" I saw Lucas smack him hard in the chest, and heard him mutter, "What? Fucker probably deserved it."

I closed my eyes and cursed the stupid, loudmouthed ass. Seriously, what did my sister see in him?

"Jennie?" Taehyung's soft accent made me open my eyes. "Everything okay? The whole bar has been going on and on about you hitting Lisa?" His brow was scrunched in concern, his eyes reflecting the same.

Walking by him, I grabbed his hand and made my way to the bar, stalling for time. What do I tell him? Lisa never told me what to say. My earlier irritation at Jackson actually sparked an idea, and without carefully thinking it over, I spit out, "The jerk slept with Jisoo when she was here, then never called her again…broke her heart."

Taehyung stopped walking alongside me and I stopped walking…and breathing. "Oh," was all he said. His brow didn't soften though, and I had no idea if he believed me or not.

"I couldn't take her using Jisoo like that, and then…all the women she's been bringing home. It was just so disrespectful to her. And tonight she was practically getting a lap dance, and I guess I just – lost it. I…defended her honor, in a way."

"Oh," he said again, then his brow softened and he smiled softly. "Why didn't you tell me that earlier? I would have talked to her about that."

I relaxed and started breathing regularly again. "I…I told Jisoo I wouldn't tell anybody."

"Really?" he asked, suddenly curious. "The way she was hanging all over Lisa, I figured she'd spray-paint it on the walls." He shrugged. "Your sister is quite the character." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Can you please let me do the fighting from now on?"

I giggled nervously and squeezed his hand tighter. Was he really going to buy that? "Yeah, yeah, no problem." I gave him a swift kiss. "My customers probably aren't happy with me. I should get back to work."

He laughed. "They probably loved dinner with a show. Speaking of dinner…I'm starving, I think I'll grab something here." He laughed again and hugged me tight. "I love you, Jennie." He was still chuckling as he made his way to a table…the band's table.

I felt like I might be sick.

I didn't know what Evan was talking to Lisa about in the backroom, but she was in there for over an hour. When they did eventually come out, Lisa kept her head down, and quite sheepishly left the bar. She never so much as glanced at me. I was offended by that at first, but, as I noticed the gossiping whispers around me, I decided that if we'd just had the major fight that the bar patrons think we had…and I suppose, in a way we did, then her reaction was probably the correct one.

She stayed away the remainder of the night. Luckily, Taehyung accepted my version of the story, and didn't ask the band about it. When I gave him his dinner later, they were all happily chatting about some sports game that was on last night. Taehyung smiled at me and leaned in for a kiss, which I immediately gave him. I couldn't help but look at Evan when I did that, the compromising position that he had walked in on, still blazing in my mind. Apparently, it was in his as well. He glanced over at me too, and blushed a little bit. I avoided looking at him for the rest of the evening.

Taehyung left shortly after his dinner, and I had to endure a few more hours of huddled whispers from the customers, that quickly silenced at my approach, as I finished out my shift. I hoped none of them were piecing things together to accurately. I didn't need anyone letting something slip to Taehyung.

Somi offered me a ride home. I thanked her for always doing that, and also for her help with Lisa earlier. We were walking across the lot to her car when I stopped in my tracks, my heart suddenly in my throat. Somi noticed and stared over at what had my rapt attention. Lisa's car was parked across the street and she was outside of it, leaning against the door with her arms crossed on her chest. A smile spread over her face when she saw me notice her.

My heartbeat doubled at seeing her. Somi sighed, and I looked over at her pleadingly. "All right…go. If anyone asks, I'll say we went for a late coffee and lost track of time or something."

I grinned and hugged her tight. "Thank you, Somi."

She grabbed my arm as I started to leave. "I'm only doing this once, Jennie." She shook her head lightly, her pale blue eyes narrowing a bit. "I won't be involved in hiding an affair."

I swallowed and nodded, feeling horribly guilty. "I'm so sorry. I never should have dragged you into all of this."

She looked at me thoughtfully as she released my arm. "You should pick one, Jennie. Pick one, and release the other. You can't keep them both."

I nodded and swallowed the painful lump in my throat at that thought. I watched Somi for a second, as she waved briefly at Lisa, and then made her way to her car. Then I nearly sprinted across the street to Lisa.

She smiled warmly at my approach and taking my hand, led me to the other side of the car, where she sweetly helped me inside. I was glad to see her departure from the bar was just an act, and she didn't seem to have any problems being around me. As I watched her cross the front of the car, our horrid fight much earlier in the evening started replaying itself in my head, and a certain section of it just wasn't leaving me.

I forced a frown on my face as she slid into the car, closing the door gently behind her. Lisa eyed me curiously. "What? I haven't been around you for hours." She smiled wryly. "What could I have possibly done?" she purred.

Keeping my face frozen in disapproval, I stated, "I've been dwelling on something you did earlier…for hours."

She cocked her head charmingly to the side. "I did quite a bit…can you be more specific?"

The corners of my mouth started to rise, and then true irritation made me scowl. "Oh…god…please." I smacked her on the arm. "How could you mock me like that in front of Evan and Somi?" I smacked her repeatedly on the arm. "That was so embarrassing!"

She leaned away from me and laughed. "Ow! Sorry." She smiled wickedly. "I was making a point."

I smacked her a final time. "I think you made it, asshole!"

She laughed again. "I think I'm a bad influence, you're starting to swear as much as I do."

I smirked at her and snuggled up close to her side. She looked down at me. "You can mimic me sometime if you like?" She seemed entirely too excited by that prospect, and I couldn't help but laugh at her.

I blushed, remembering her…performance. "You were quite good at…that."

She laughed again. "Not my first time."

I gaped in disbelief at her answer and she chuckled at the look on my face. Then suddenly, she got an odd glint in her eyes. It made my heart quicken. "Hmmm…" She cocked her head to the side and smiled crookedly. "You are right…that wasn't very fair of me." She grinned fully and my heart skipped a beat. "Here, I'll do me…"

I was about to protest that it wasn't nearly the same thing, the two of us locked in a car with only me to hear her, when she snuck her arms around me and held me tight against her body, bringing her lips directly to my ear.

My argument left me. My conscious thought left me.

Increasing her breath in my ear, she groaned lightly. I shut my eyes, my own breath increasing. The warm air passing her lips tickled my neck, giving me shivers as she let those soft lips brush my ear.

"Oh…" She elongated the word enticingly, then inhaled noisily. I was shocked at my body's reaction – electricity shot through me instantly.

"God…" She strained her voice intimately and ran her hand up my thigh. I shifted on the seat, my breath embarrassingly fast.

"Yes…" She whispered the word, and added a noise on the end that made me lose all pretense of control.

I spun to face her, grabbing her neck and pulling her into me, kissing her hard. Excitement and surprise coursed through me as our kiss deepened. She smelled so good…she tasted so good…she would feel so good. Maybe a car wasn't as bad as a dirty floor?

Abruptly, she pulled away from me. "Can we do something?" she calmly asked, her eyes sparkling playfully.

"Yes…" I practically moaned the word. God, she could do anything she wanted to me…

She pulled back a little farther and grinned. "Do you need a minute?" The smile on her face turned a little smug, and she laughed as I smacked her on the arm again.

She started the car as I frowned at her, my face heating embarrassingly. Damn…she was good. "What did you have in mind?" I said a little grumpily.

She laughed at my look and shook her head a little. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get you all…riled up." I raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed enticingly. "Okay…yeah, maybe I did." She winked and I blushed even more. "But right now, I want to show you something." She smiled breathtakingly at me and I could only nod as we pulled away from the street.

I sighed contently and relaxed into her, her arm slung over my shoulders holding me tight. I was gazing into her amazing eyes, watching the streetlights alter the color, when I noticed that we were driving towards Seattle Center.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked her curiously.

"Well, I did promise you that we'd go up the Space Needle."

"Lisa…it's two in the morning, it's closed."

She smiled at me. "It's okay…I know people." She winked.

We parked and like the first time we came here, she grabbed my hand. A man, who obviously worked there, met us and let us in. I looked up at Lisa curiously. The man had been expecting us. What had Lisa been up to this evening? She handed the man more than a few large bills and smiling, the man led us to the elevators at the Needle. As the doors closed in front of us, I leaned over and whispered to her, "How much did you give him?"

She smiled and whispered back, "Don't worry about it. The house wasn't the only thing my parents left me."

She winked at me and I was going to ask her another question, but the elevators were rising and through the front of the glass doors I could see the city quickly dropping below us. I gasped and pressed against the far wall. Heights weren't my favorite, and the elevator suddenly felt tiny and very breakable.

Noticing my pallor, Lisa turned my chin, so I was looking at her. "You're completely safe, Jennie," she said, then she kissed me gently and I completely forgot about the fragile looking elevator.

We arrived at the top, just as my hands were coming up to tangle in her hair, her arms slipping around my waist, our kiss now quite intense. The man Lisa knew cleared his throat, quite loudly, and we both looked over at him. I blushed and Lisa laughed.

"I guess we're here," she chuckled, leading me out of the elevator.

She patted the man on the back and grabbing both of my hands, walked backwards, towards the edge of the inside observatory overlooking the city. It was dark in the building, since it was closed. Only a couple of emergency lights were on, and they did little to illuminate the room. But it seemed every light was on outside, and the city glowed beneath us.

"Lisa…wow…it's beautiful," I said softly, stopping to look out over all the sparkling lights.

"Yes, it is," she said, equally as soft, but she was leaning against the railing with her back to the view, staring at me, not the city below us. "Come here." She held her arms out to me.

We were on the inside of the needle, and a safe distance from the edge, so I felt okay enough to walk over to her embrace and lean against the railing with her. She turned her head to look outside at the city, but now all I could see was her. I studied her features in the half-light; she was more breathtaking than the view. I couldn't see why this perfect creature was enamored with me.

"Why me?" I whispered to her.

She turned to look back at me and as expected, my breath caught when she smiled. "You have no idea how attractive you are to me. I kind of like that." She cocked her head to the side as she watched me blush. She was thoughtful for a second, then added quietly, "It was you and Taehyung…your relationship."

I ran my fingers through her hair above her ear and frowned. "What do you mean?" She looked back over the city, but didn't say anything. I grabbed her cheek and made her look back at me. "What do you mean, Lisa?" I repeated.

She sighed and looked down. "I can't explain this properly, without…without clarifying something Evan said."

I frowned again and thought back over our earlier fight, it seemed a lifetime ago, so much had changed. "When you told him, quite rudely by the way, to back off?"

She looked back up at me, looking like she'd rather not talk about it. "Yeah."

"I don't understand…what does that have to do with me?"

She smiled and shook her head. "Nothing…everything."

I half-smiled at her. "Eventually, you're going to start making sense, right?"

She laughed and looked over the city again. "Yeah…just give me a minute."

I embraced her tightly, putting my head on her shoulder. She could have all the time in the world, if I could keep holding her like this. The city twinkled mesmerizingly and I inhaled her intoxicating scent deeply, as I snuggled further into her leather jacket.

She held me back just as tight, lightly rubbing my back with one hand, the other holding the back of my head. Finally, she slowly said, "You and Evan were right about the women. I've been…using them…for years."

I pulled back a little to look at her. "For years? Not just because of me?" I felt oddly hurt by that.

She tucked some hair behind my ear. "No…although, that certainly made it worse."

I frowned, slightly uncomfortable by the conversation. "You shouldn't use people, Lisa…for any reason."

She raised an eyebrow at me and smiled slightly. "You didn't use me, to block out Taehyung our first time?" I blushed horribly and looked away. Of course I had used her. She grabbed my chin and made me look back at her. "It's okay, Jennie. I suspected that." She sighed and looked out over the water on our other side. "It didn't stop me from believing we might have had a chance though. I spent that whole damn day, wandering around the city, trying to figure out how to tell you…how much I loved you, without sounding like an idiot."

"Lisa…" I had always wondered where she went that day.

She looked back at me. "God…when you went right back to him, like we were nothing at all, that killed me. I knew it…" She shook her head, almost angrily. "The minute I finally came home, and heard you two upstairs, I knew we didn't have a chance."

I blinked in surprise. "You heard us?" I was confused. Lisa had come home much later…and drunker.

She looked down, like she hadn't meant to mention that. "Oh…yeah. I came back and heard you guys in your room, getting…reacquainted. That…pretty much sucked. I grabbed a fifth, headed to Sam's and, well, you know how that turned out."

An odd guilt washed through me. "Lisa, god, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

She faced me again. "You didn't do anything wrong, Jennie…" She looked away for a second. "I was such a dick to you afterwards. I'm sorry about that." She grinned sheepishly at me and I grimaced at the memory; she had been a jerk. "I'm sorry, I tend to lose the filter on my mouth when I'm angry…and no one seems to be able to make me angrier than you." She smiled apologetically at me.

I laughed once and raised an eyebrow at her. "I've noticed that." I thought back over some of our more colorful fights. She laughed softly and guilt washed through me. "You were always right though. And I did kind of deserve your…harshness."

She stopped laughing and grabbed my cheek. "No you didn't. You never deserved the things I said to you."

"I was…horribly misleading to you."

"You didn't know I loved you," she said softly, stroking my cheek.

I looked up into her loving brown eyes and knew I didn't deserve her kindness. "I knew you cared for me. I was…callous."

She half-smiled and kissed me softly. "True," she whispered. "But we seemed to have gotten off track." She smiled warmly, changing where our conversation had been going. "I believe we were talking about my messed up psyche."

I laughed and looked over her shoulder, shaking off my bad mood. "Right, your…whoring."

She laughed. "Ouch." I laughed and ran a hand over her chest while she gazed at me for a moment. "I suppose I should start with the whole tortured childhood speech."

"We've already talked about that, you don't have to bring it up again." I gazed at her sadly, not wanting her to bring up that painful subject unnecessarily.

"Jennie…we only scratched the very tip, of that very deep wound," she said softly. "There is so much more that I don't talk about…to anyone."

"You don't have to tell me, Lisa. I don't want to hurt you by-"

She looked past me, her eyes haunted. "I want to…in a weird way. I want you to understand. I want you to know me." Feeling melancholy sweep over her, I met her eye and suggestively raised an eyebrow at that. It worked, she laughed. "Not just…biblically," she muttered playfully.

I twirled my fingers around the hair brushing her neck. "Okay, if you want to…I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me, and I'll respect anything you don't want to tell me." I smiled encouragingly, hoping this wasn't going to hurt her even more.

But she surprised me by laughing softly. "You're going to find it funny."

I froze and gaped at her, nothing about her childhood that she had told me so far was even remotely funny. "I don't see how that's possible," I whispered, searching her eyes.

She sighed. "Well, okay, maybe not funny…coincidental then." She half-smiled at me sadly as I scrunched my face in confusion. "It seems that my mother was…enamored with my father's best friend."

My face paled, coincidental indeed. Lisa smiled at my reaction and continued. "So, when dear old Dad had to leave town for several months…some family emergency thing back East," she shook her head softly, "you can imagine his surprise, when he came back home to find his blushing bride pregnant."

My mouth dropped open and Lisa grinned sarcastically. "Surprise, honey."

"What did your dad do?" I asked quietly.

"Ahhh… " She nodded her head, looking away, and her smile left her. "Well, here is the part where my mother showed her true brilliance." She looked over at me, as I looked at her confused again. Her gaze intensely serious, she calmly said, "She told him that she was raped while he was gone…and he believed her."

My face felt like it had just lost all the color from it as I stared at her, disbelieving her completely true story. What kind of a person would do that?

Her face paled too, as she softly said, "He looked at me, as the seed of a monster, from day one. He hated me before I was even born."

Her eyes watered, but no tears fell. I kissed her cheek, wishing I could do more. "I'm so sorry, Lisa." She nodded and continued gazing at me thoughtfully. "Why would your mom do that?"

She shrugged. "She didn't want to lose everything, I guess." She laughed once, humorlessly. "Once she played that card though, man, she committed to it. There's even a police report somewhere, blaming some generic white guy." She laughed humorlessly again. "My birth certificate even says 'John Doe' under the father. Dad wouldn't claim me." She whispered that last part.

"God, Lisa…" A tear dripped down my cheek. "And they told you all this?"

She looked out over the water. "Repeatedly, it was practically my bedtime story. Goodnight, girl…by the way, you ruined our lives."

Another tear dripped down my cheek. "How do you know about your…about the best friend?"

She looked back at me and sighed. "Mom. She told me the truth." She brushed a tear off my cheek. "I guess my…sperm donor Dad, bagged out when she told him she was pregnant. She never saw him again. It broke her heart…and she hated me for it." She cocked her head as she watched the horror on my face. "I think she hated me even more than Dad did," she whispered.

More tears fell as I hugged her, and kissed her cheek again. She hugged me back loosely. "You never told your father the truth? Maybe he would have been-"

She cut me off. "He would never have believed me over her, Jennie. He hated me. I only would have gotten brutally hurt, and I generally tried to avoid that." I pulled back to look at her, and brushed some hair off of her forehead while she continued. "He had to have known anyway."

I blinked, surprised. "Why?"

She half-smiled sadly again. "I look just like Dad's best friend…spitting image. Who knows, maybe that's why he really hated me…Mom too."

Anger welled in me over these people who had grudgingly raised her. "You were innocent. It wasn't your fault." I couldn't stop my seething tone.

She ran both hands down my hair to my cheeks. "I know that, Jennie." She kissed me softly. "I've never told anyone that before. Not Evan, not Taehyung…no one."

I was moved that she would confide something so personal to me, but I didn't really understand what this had to do with all the women…and me? "Why did you tell me?" I asked softly, hoping that didn't sound rude.

She only smiled warmly at me though. "I want you to understand." She looked down and said quietly, "Can you imagine, growing up in a home filled with such loathing?" She looked back up at me with a sad smile, and ran a finger down my cheek again. "No, I'd imagine you were surrounded by love…"

Not being able to stand her painful smile, I leaned in and kissed her softly. She lovingly smiled back at me, and then stood up straight and took my hand. "Come on." She nodded towards the railing and we started walking along it, looking out over more of the beautiful city. My eyes were mainly on her though, as she blankly stared out the windows. She was obviously still in thought. There was more she wanted to tell me.

After a few silent paces, she finally did. "I was quiet as a child. I kept to myself. I had no real friends to speak of… " She smiled wryly. "I had my guitar…that was my closest relationship." She shook her head and laughed once. "God, I was pathetic."

I squeezed her hand and stopped walking, grabbing her cheek with my other to make her look at me. "Lisa you were not-"

"No, I was, Jennie," she interrupted, kissing my hand after removing it from her cheek. Starting to walk again, she said, "Let me clarify…I was pathetically lonely." She smiled down on me as I frowned. "And then…quite by accident on my part, I assure you…" she looked thoughtfully out the windows, now almost completely showing a view of the dark Sound, "I discovered something that made me feel, for the first time ever…wanted, cared for…almost…loved." She said the last part quietly.

"Sex?" I whispered.

She smiled down at me again. "Hmmm…" She nodded in agreement. "Sex. I was young that first time…" she grinned and shook her head, "which, you've probably already pieced together." I blushed a little, at that remembered conversation on her bed, as she continued. "Probably way too young, but I didn't know it wasn't…okay. It just felt like someone finally cared. I started…" She blushed and looked away from me. "I started repeating that feeling as often as I could. Even back then, it was shockingly easy for me. There was always someone, and I didn't care who, who would want to be with me. I kind of got obsessed with it…with feeling that connection. Who knows, maybe I still-"

She stopped walking and looked back at me, a worried expression suddenly on her face. "Do you think less of me?"

I didn't see how she could be blamed for seeking out any kind of love, living the life forced upon her. I put my hand on her arm. "Lisa, I couldn't possibly think any less of you."

She laughed and I realized how bad that statement sounded. I looked away, embarrassed. "You know what I mean."

She laughed softly. "You really are truly adorable."

"How old were you?" I asked, mainly to cover my embarrassment.

She sighed and then admitted, "I was twelve. In her defense, I told her I was fourteen. She bought that. I don't think she really cared though."

I looked back at her, my mouth open again. I forced myself to shut it and smile at her. The thought of how desperately she must have wanted some tenderness, brought tears to my eyes. She searched my face, a slight crease of worry on her perfect brow. Needing to comfort her, I leaned over and tenderly gave her a brief kiss. She smiled and relaxed, gazing at me for a few quiet minutes.

"So, you use women to feel…love?" I asked quietly.

She looked down, embarrassed again. "I didn't realize it at the time. I really didn't even think about it, until you. I couldn't figure out why you were so different to me. I know now that it's not right…." She looked back up at me. "But it was something. It made me feel less…lonely." I felt another of my tears drop at that, and she brushed it away. "Anyway…what no one seems to consider, is the fact that they use me too. They don't care about me." We started walking again and she looked out over the sparkling city, showing itself again on the other side of the water.

I searched her thoughtful face and couldn't help the wave of guilt that I had also, at one point, used her. But surely, not every encounter she'd had, had been an empty one. "You've never been in love?" I asked timidly.

She looked back at me with a half-smile that doubled my heartbeat. "Until you…no. And no one has loved me either."

Continuing to watch her as we walked in silence, I tried to see how this impossibly gorgeous person in front of me, could never have felt real love. That made no sense. Surely, this beautiful, talented, funny, seductive and just…amazing persin, had known love before.

"Surely, some girl…"

"No," she cut me off. "Just sex…never love."

"A high school sweetheart?"

"No. I tended to…associate…with older women. They weren't really looking for…love." She smiled wryly, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know what she meant by that.

"Some…naïve waitress?"

She smiled at me. "Again, before you…no, no one who cared for me."

"Oh…well, one of your fans then." I said meekly. I knew from experience, just how much she had been "loved" by them.

She laughed genuinely. "Definitely no, that is the fakest sex of them all. They could care less who I actually am. They're not even with me, when they're…with me. They're with this rock-star image that they have of me, but that's not…that's not who I am. Well, it's not all I am."

I smiled and kissed her softly on her jaw. No, she was so much more…

Pulling back, I hesitantly asked, "Roommates?" I also knew full well that I wasn't the only one she'd bedded. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear about her and…Joey, but I was curious.

She looked over at me with the corner of her eye and smiled sheepishly. "I really wish Jackson hadn't mentioned that one. You must have thought I was horrible. Sometimes, I don't know why you ever touched me at all." I frowned and tried to shake my head, but she sighed and started explaining. "No, there was never anything between Joey and I, but sex." She looked up, like she was trying to think of how to put it for me. "Joey…liked being worshipped. When it was clear to her, that her body wasn't my only…temple, well, she was also overly dramatic." She grimaced and shrugged. "She ran off in a huff, with boy toy number…three, I think."

She stopped walking again and turned to look at me, grabbing both of my hands in hers. "I know I've overdone it with women, but I've never felt for anyone, what I feel for you. And I've never felt from anyone, what I am feeling from you now," she whispered.

I swallowed the emotion in my throat and kissed her softly again. Pulling back, I gazed into her love filled eyes. "So, Taehyung and me…our relationship?" I asked, starting to get lost in her amazing brown eyes.

"Right…that." We continued walking along the circular railing and she swung my hand lightly, as she regained her original train of thought. "Well, I guess, at first I was just intrigued by it. I'd never seen anything like that. So warm and tender and…real. And the fact that you moved across the Country to be with this guy…I can't think of anyone who would do that for me. The people that I know, don't have relationships like that, and my parents certainly never…"

"Right…" I said softly, watching her face darken momentarily.

She bit her lip and looked out the windows. "Living with you, watching you with Taehyung, day after day…I started to want what the two of you had. I stopped…" she looked over at me and grinned, "as you put it, whoring." I smiled and she laughed, then frowned. "But unfortunately, I started to care for you. I didn't understand it at first. I just knew it was wrong to think about you like that. You were clearly Taehyung's. People's relationships haven't always…mattered to me, but Taehyung means a lot to me. That year he stayed with us…that was the best year of my life." She smiled warmly at me and whispered, "Well, maybe until this year."

I smiled warmly back at her and kissed her on the corner of her jaw. It gave me a small thrill of delight. It was so wonderful to be able to kiss her freely, whenever I wanted to. I squeezed her hand and cuddled into her side, as I looked out over the skyline.

"When I fell in love with you…it was like nothing I'd ever known before. It was nearly instant. I think I started falling for you, the moment you shook my hand." She chuckled at the memory and playfully nudged my shoulder, while I blushed. "It was so powerful. I knew it was wrong, but it was addicting." She stopped walking and spun me out away from her, then quickly drew me back in, slipping her arms around my waist and holding me tight. "You are so addicting to me." She kissed me softly.

She smiled at me, her eyes filled with love. "Sometimes, it felt like you cared for me too, and then everything in the world was perfect." She frowned. "But most of the time, you wanted him, and a part of me wanted to die." She paused, watching my startled reaction to that. "I tried so hard to stay away from you, but I kept making excuses to touch you, to hold you," she smiled coyly and looked away, "to nearly kiss you while watching porn. God, you have no idea how difficult that was to turn away from you."

I giggled in remembered embarrassment.

She closed her eyes and lightly shook her head. "That first time, I held you for hours afterwards…just feeling your warmth, your breath on my skin." She opened them and looked at my again startled face. "You said my name once while you slept. That made me feel…well, it was almost as good as the sex." She grinned devilishly and I laughed, feeling my face heat.

She sighed and looked away from me. "I wish I had been strong enough to stay…but I wasn't. I chickened out. I couldn't tell you what I had just figured out." She looked back to me with wistful eyes. "That I desperately loved you."

I curled my fingers through the back of her hair, wishing I had something profound to say. "Lisa…I…"

She continued, not letting me finish the thought I didn't have any way. "I wanted to leave when you went back to him. After having you…it was so hard to watch you with him. To watch you love him, how I wanted you to love me. It made me so angry. I'm so sorry."

I felt my eyes water as I remembered that time, and hugged her tight against me. I hadn't known. I had assumed I was just another conquest to her. I had hurt her…deeply. "I'm the one who's sorry, Lisa…" My voice trailed off.

She sighed and smiling, looked down. "And then, when I finally got the strength to leave…you asked me to stay, and I got my hopes up. I started to believe that maybe…at the very least, you cared for me." She looked at me crookedly for a second. "You seemed to really want me to stay."

My face heated in embarrassment at just how "badly" I had wanted her to stay. She smiled at my reaction and then her face smoothed into seriousness. "You probably didn't hear me, but I told you I loved you that night. I couldn't seem to stop it from slipping out."

"Lisa, I-"

She interrupted me. "Then you cried for Taehyung, and I wanted to die again." I felt more tears drip down my cheeks, at hurting her, yet again. She watched my tears thoughtfully. "That night was so…intense for me. I wanted so badly to hold you after, but you were so upset…you looked ill." She swallowed a lump in her throat. "I made you feel ill. You hated what we had done, and it had meant so much to me." She peered at me from the corner of her eye, as she nearly looked away. "I hated you after that," she whispered.

More tears fell on my cheeks, and I sniffled a bit. She sighed and fully looked away. "I almost left that night. I wanted to…" She turned to look back at me, and grabbed my cheeks softly with her hands. Her expression softened and her eyes gazed into mine adoringly. I felt my eyes dry up, watching her perfect face stare at me. "I couldn't leave you. I remembered the look on your face, when I told you I was leaving. No one's looked at me that way before. No one's ever cried for me before. No one's asked me to stay before…no one. I convinced myself you cared for me." She shook her head lightly and smiled. "I knew then, that I would stay with you…even if it killed me."

She pulled me to her for a deep kiss. I eagerly kissed her back, wanting to make up for hurting her, in some small way. When I was nearly breathless, she pulled away and grabbing my hand, we started walking again.

She looked over to me as we walked stories above the peaceful-looking city below. "I am sorry about being so…amorous with you. I never wanted to hurt you. I simply…wanted you." She smiled crookedly at me, making me miss a step. She laughed softly and continued. "When you asked, I did try to keep it…well, you had to know on some level that we were never innocent, right?" She looked over at me with an eyebrow raised, and I grudgingly nodded. She smiled. "Well, I tried to keep it less…sinful then."

She glared down at me. "You made that shockingly hard to do."

"Me?" I asked, confused. She was the absurdly sensual one.

She shook her head in mock exasperation. "Yes, you. If you weren't dressed provocatively, or throwing yourself on me provocatively, or…" she grinned at me indecently, "making very provocative noises…" I blushed very deeply and she laughed. "If you weren't doing all that, then you were simply just too adorable to resist." She glared at me again. "I am only a human after all."

I shook my head at her. I hadn't done any of those things, well, except for the unfortunate noises part. "You're absurd, Lisa." I rolled my eyes and she laughed charmingly.

"Again…you don't realize how attractive you are to me." She grinned mischievously. "After all this time, I would think that was painfully obvious," she murmured, and I playfully elbowed her. She laughed, then more seriously said, "I am sorry, I took it too far." I looked up into her suddenly sad again eyes as we continued walking. "I should have let you end it…you were right to stop it. Everything that happened later was my fault. I should have let you go. I just, couldn't…"

"Lisa, no, it-"

She interrupted me again. "The club, that was…intense. I wanted you so bad, and you wanted me too. I considered pulling you into a bathroom and taking you right there. I think you may have even let me?" She looked down at me, and I could only nod speechlessly; she could have taken me anywhere. She started to smile, but frowned instead. "I saw Taehyung coming. I couldn't do it. I pushed you away, praying desperately, that you would tell him you wanted me. That you would choose to leave with me. You…didn't, and it killed me."

I stopped walking again and she took a step, then slowly turned to look back at me. She looked hurt again. I stepped up to her and put a hand on her cheek. How badly had I repeatedly hurt her? I felt horrible inside.

She gazed at me, lost in the memory. "I couldn't even come home. I took your sister to Jackson's. I think I bored her. I wasn't much fun, moping on the couch all night like I did. Eventually, she gave up on me and turned her attention to Jackson." She shrugged. "And well, you know how that ended."

I swallowed roughly. I had assumed so much that was not true about that night.

"I was…I am, really freaked out about what happened…in the car," she said quietly. "What I said. What I did. I didn't know you thought I slept with Jisoo, until that moment, and I was so angry at you for…Taehyung, I let you believe it. I…embellished it." She looked down, embarrassed. "Being angry with you, almost made me want you even more."

I had to swallow three times, before I could speak. "Lisa…you have no idea how difficult that was for me. How hard that was to ask you to stop, when my whole body was begging for you not to." I stroked her cheek and considered kissing her, when she swallowed roughly.

"You have no idea how hard it was to stop myself. I wasn't lying, about what I had been thinking." I swallowed nosily at the look on her face, and remembered what she had crassly said to me. She watched my face intensely. "Do you think less of me now?"

Stubbornly, I shook my head and she sighed and looked away. "I'm so sorry I yelled at you, Jennie." Her eyes glistened as she faced me again, and I ran my hand back through her hair.

Swallowing loudly, I found my voice again. "I know you are sorry…I remember."

"Ah, yes, me sobbing like a baby…not my finest hour." she tried to look away again, but I brought my hand back to her cheek and made her look at me.

"I disagree. If you hadn't, if I hadn't seen that remorse, I probably would never have spoken to you again."

She spoke very softly, "It wasn't just remorse. True, I felt horrible for speaking to you like that…but mostly, I was sure that I had just completely severed the only loving relationship I've ever had. I knew I'd lost you. I knew you were completely Taehyung's then. I saw it in your eyes, and I knew I'd never have a chance with you – none." A tear did finally escape her eye then, and I brushed it aside with my thumb. "I never expected you to…comfort…me. No one's ever done that…ever. You don't know how much that meant to me."

She swallowed roughly again, and again I thought to kiss her, but she pulled back a little and stared at me intently. "I was so scared to be near you after that. I allowed myself one last goodbye with you in the kitchen, but I didn't want to touch you anymore." She scanned my eyes, like she was searching for forgiveness in them. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, but I needed to be distracted from you, to make sure I never took things so far again." She pulled my hand off her cheek and looked away, out over the city again. The lights sparkled in her still overly moist eyes. "I'm so sorry about all the women, Jennie. I never should have hurt you like that. I didn't want to…well, maybe a part of me did. I just-"

I interrupted her. "You don't…you already apologized for that, Lisa."

"I know." She looked back to me, another tear threatening to spill. "I just really feel like I messed up. But, you didn't want me, in the same way that I wanted you…and I couldn't bring myself to leave you anymore. I did the only thing I knew, that I've ever known, for blocking out the pain." She shook her head remorsefully, and the tear fell down her cheek. "To feel…wanted," she whispered.

"Women," I stated, watching pain flash through her features.

"Yeah." Her face looked bleak and desolate, like she had just confessed to multiple murders, and not being a single person who slept around with perfectly willing women.

"Lots and lots of women." I added a note of sarcasm, hoping to lighten her mood.

"Yeah…I'm sorry." She did fractionally raise her lips in a smile.

"It's okay. Well, it's not okay, you still shouldn't use people…but, I think I understand."

She looked up at me from under her eyebrows, an adorable expression of hope on her face. I couldn't resist anymore, I leaned up and kissed her for a moment.

"So…" she asked, pulling away, all too soon.

"What?" I asked, confused and mildly irritated. I wasn't done kissing her. I didn't think I'd ever be done kissing her.

She half-smiled in a charming way. "Was I right? Did you use me?"

"Lisa…" Guilt flashed through me, and I looked away.

Her smile left her and she very seriously said, "It's okay if you did, Jennie. I just, I would like to know."

I sighed. "I have always felt…something for you, but…yes, the first time I did use you, and I'm so sorry, that was incredibly wrong of me. If I'd have known that you loved me, I never would have-"

"It's okay, Jennie."

"No, it's not," I whispered, and then softly added, "The second time, I didn't. That had nothing to do with Taehyung. That was about us. That was real. Every touch after that, was real."

"That's surprisingly good to hear," she whispered, not looking at me, but smiling softly, and then suddenly she frowned. "You should be with Taehyung…not me. He's a good person."

"You're a good person too," I said, searching her perfect, but still frowning face.

She shook her head lightly and I ran my fingers through her hair and sighed. "Don't let our relationship, make you think that you're a bad person. You and I are…complicated."

"Complicated…" She repeated, cupping my cheek and running her thumb along my cheekbone. "I suppose we are." She dropped her hand. "That's my fault-"

I cut her off with, "Don't, Lisa. I'm just as culpable as you. I've made mistakes…"

"But," she started to interrupt.

"No, we both messed this up, Lisa. It takes two to…you know. I wanted you just as badly as you wanted me. I needed you as much. I wanted to be near you just as much. I wanted to touch you as much. I care for you…" I couldn't quite finish that thought, and I let it hang in the air between us, unfinished.

Tears welled in her eyes again. "I've never been very clear with you. Maybe, if I had just told you that I loved you from the beginning? I'm so sorry, Jennie. I hurt you, so many times. There's so much I wish I could take back. I-"

I stopped her with a deep kiss. I understood better now. It still hurt, but I could see just how badly I had hurt her as well. She did the only thing she knew how to do, to cope with her pain. Right or wrong, it was all she knew. She brought her hand to my cheek again and returned my kiss just as deeply, both of us forgetting for a moment, our emotional conversation.

After an eternity, that was entirely too short, she pulled back and quietly said, "We should get going."

"Wait, you brought me all the way up to this highly romantic…vacant…spot, and all you wanted to do, was talk?" I raised an eyebrow at her suggestively.

She grinned and shook her head. "My, my – look how I've corrupted you."

I smirked and laughed.

"Come on, I'll take us home." She started leading me to the elevators while I pouted. Noticing my expression, she said, "Jennie, it's getting late…well, early, and you don't want to be late from your ball." She frowned as she looked at me. "It's not your carriage that will turn into a pumpkin."

I rolled my eyes at her analogy, but she was right, I did need to get home. I pushed aside my disappointment, and my surprise that I actually was disappointed. I had kind of expected… I blushed, and didn't bother finishing that thought.

We finished our circular walk back to the elevators, and I took one last look at the spectacular city below us and the spectacular person before me. I smiled as she pushed the button and we waited for the doors to open.

"Fine, your loss though." I pulled her through the now open elevator door by her t-shirt. "I've been told that we're amazing," I teased. She grinned wickedly and pulled me in for a deep kiss, as the doors closed behind us and we descended.

On our way out of the Needle, she looked over to me with a somber expression. I looked back at her curiously, and butterflies tickled my stomach. She stopped us, as we stepped up to her car, and cocked her head to the side as she regarded me.

"There is one more thing I wanted to talk to you about."

The butterflies tickling my stomach were doing somersaults now. "What?" The word was barely more than a whisper.

Abruptly, her grim expression changed to a wry grin and a cocked eyebrow. "I can't believe you stole my car…really?"

I laughed at my remembered joy ride…then I remembered why I had taken it, and gave her a sour face. "You had kind of deserved it at the time." I lightly poked her in the chest. "You're lucky it came back to you in one piece."

She frowned as she opened my door. "Hmmmm…in the future, could you just slap me again, and leave my baby alone?"

I grabbed her chin, as I put my foot in the car. "In the future, could you not go on anymore 'dates'."

Her look was somber again, until she grinned and kissed me lightly. "Yes, ma'am." She lightly shook her head at me, as I sat down. I smiled to myself as she closed the door and walked around to her side of the car.

I snuggled into her shoulder as we silently drove home. The comfort of our silence was as palpable to me as the warmth of her skin as she held my hand in hers. It was only now, freely touching her, freely giving myself over to her, that I could fully comprehend how much I had missed her. How severe my addiction had been. I smiled inwardly, at the memory of her saying that I was her addiction. It pleased me tremendously that we felt the same draw towards each other. Although, I still didn't see what she saw in me.

Even after we pulled into the driveway and she turned the engine off, we stayed locked together in the car, my head on her shoulder, and her arm around my waist, pulling me in tight. Neither one of us wanted to face the cold reality of life outside this cozy vehicle.

Kissing my head, Lisa broke our comfortable silence. "I dream about you sometimes…about what it would have been like, if Taehyung hadn't come back, if you were mine. Holding your hand, walking into the bar with you on my arm…not having to hide anything anymore. Telling the world that I love you."

I smiled and looked up at her. "You mentioned that you dreamt about me once. You never said about what though." I kissed her cheek and smiled warmly at her. "I dream about you too sometimes." I immediately blushed, remembering some of my steamier dreams of her.

"Really? Huh, we're kind of pathetic, aren't we?" She laughed, then noticing my blush she half-smiled adorably at me. "And what are your dreams about?"

I giggled like an idiot. "Honestly, I mostly dream about sleeping with you."

She laughed for a good minute, while I blushed and laughed with her. "God…is that all I am to you?" she teased, grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers together.

I stopped laughing and gazed at her. "No…no, you're so much more." My tone got serious on me.

She nodded, not laughing anymore as well. "Good, because you mean everything to me."

Feelings flooded through me for her, and I snuggled closer and clutched her hand tightly in mine. I never wanted to leave this car. I never wanted Lisa to leave this car. But I knew we couldn't stay like this forever.

Lisa broke through my thoughts, with a question I didn't want her to ask. "What did you tell Taehyung?"

I cringed a bit, knowing my lie probably wasn't as good as what she would have come up with. And the thought of her being the better liar, didn't entirely thrill me. "That you slept with my sister and broke her heart. That's believable, everyone saw you at the bar together. He seemed to buy it."

Lisa was looking at me with her brow furrowed. "That won't work, Jennie," she said slowly.

My heart rate started increasing. "Yes, it will. I'll talk to Jisoo, she'll back me up. I've had to lie for her before. I won't tell her why, of course…and Taehyung probably will never ask her about it anyway."

Her brow still furrowed, she shook her head. "I wasn't thinking of your sister, that's not why that won't work."

I looked at her, confused, until a sudden realization hit me. "Oh god…Jackson."

Her brow furrowed more and she nodded. "Yeah…Jackson, he really does tell everyone." Her brow relaxed and she looked at me amused. "I don't know how you managed to miss that. You've gotten good at tuning him out." Her amusement didn't last long and she frowned. "When Taehyung hears that it isn't true…"

"What was I supposed to tell him, Lisa? I had to come up with something." I looked down at my hands. "You know, it's possible that you both…"

"No." I looked back up to where she was smiling warmly at me. "It's not possible." Her frown returned. "Jackson is very…specific on what he tells people. It's not just that he slept with her. It's that he slept with her, and I didn't, like he stole her away from me or something. He's got this weird competitive thing-"

I cut her off. "I've noticed that." I sighed and lay my head back on the seat. "God, I didn't even think about that."

She sighed. "I can't guarantee you anything, but I could try talking to Jackson. Maybe get him to alter the story. I'll probably have to threaten to kick him out of the band. Actually, I may just do that anyway."

"No!" I exclaimed, a little loudly, and I slapped a hand over my mouth and looked fearfully at the door.

Lisa looked at me oddly. "You want me to keep him in the band?"

I looked at her wryly, a faint smile coming to my lips, until I remembered my real objection. "No, I don't want him to know – ever! He won't stay silent about that. He'd tell everyone, in horrifying detail. He'd tell Taehyung! Please, don't ever-"

"Okay." She put her hands on my shoulders, as I was starting to panic. "It's okay. I won't tell him anything, Jennie." I breathed out in relief and she sighed again. "It wouldn't matter anyway. He's told too many people already." She looked at me sadly, as she brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. "I'm sorry, but Taehyung will find out that you lied to him…and then he'll start to wonder why."

I gazed up at her, swallowing roughly. "And then what? After he knows I lied, how long do you think we have?" I asked quietly.

"How long before Taehyung figures out that we've slept together?" She grabbed my hand and interlaced our fingers. "Well, if you stay out here with me all night, he'll probably have it figured out by morning." She chuckled and rested her cheek against my head. Sighing, she said, "I don't know, Jennie. A few hours, maybe? A couple of days at the most."

I pulled back and looked up at her, alarmed. "Hours? But…he has no real proof. He couldn't possibly think… "

"Jennie…" She released my hand and stroked my cheek. "He has all the proof he needs, right here." She brushed a lock of hair behind my ear again.

"What do we do, Lisa?" I whispered, suddenly afraid that Taehyung could somehow hear us, all the way out here in the car.

She looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. "I can start the car, and we can be in Oregon before the sun comes up."

Run away? She wants to run away with me? My insides tightened. I could imagine it - running off into the night with her and never looking back. Giving up school, work, and my friends, everything…but leaving Taehyung. A sharp pain wrenched through me, and I thought I might get sick, right there in the car. The thought of never seeing him again, of never seeing those warm, brown eyes sparkling at me…

"Hey." Lisa's hand stroked my hair. "Breathe, Jennie, it's okay…breathe." She cupped my cheek as I struggled to do what she asked. "Look at me…breathe."

I stared into her deep brown eyes and focused only on my breathing. I hadn't realized I was starting to hyperventilate. I shook my head, as tears started to fall. "Not like that. He's too much a part of me. I need time. I can't talk about this yet." She nodded, and her eyes started to glisten. "I'm so sorry, Lisa."

"Don't be…" she whispered. "Don't be sorry for loving someone." She pulled me into her shoulder and kissed the top of my head. "Don't worry, Jennie. I'll think of something. I'll fix this, I promise."