A/N 1:

So, things are changing in Chuck's world. One thing I am really striving for is plausibility, within the new parameters of the story. I worry that I am not descriptive enough. Please let me know if I am missing the mark in some way. This is my first attempt at fiction.

A/N 2: Don't own Chuck, have no idea how to make money.

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Ever since his dad's speech and the talks with Casey, Chuck had a greater acceptance of his past actions.

He didn't feel like he needed to hide behind Charles Carmichael anymore to deal with things. He could acknowledge his own actions.

The deaths would always weigh heavy on his heart, because he always hoped people were redeemable. But, now he better understood the reality of the situation.

As for the casual sex, that was just embarrassing. He had always envied Bryce, back in college and as a spy, for his active "social" life. But, after the first several months of trying to be a player, with a string of one night stands, he found it tiring. He found it unfulfilling.

He realized that the quiet moments cuddling with Carina we're so much more fulfilling to his heart. Moments cuddling on a couch with, well with Sarah, meant so much more to him.

The one night stands were tiring, and the threesomes were just complicated, confusing, and a lot of work. He just wasn't built for that. He liked snuggling with sex, not gymnastics, or at least not too much gymnastics, the memory of Carina's flexibility filling his mind for a moment.

He was ready to move past that. He was ready to step into his own, as Chuck Bartowski, Charles Irving Bartowski, and make Charles Carmichael just a name.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Chuck knocks on Carina's partially open door, and calls out, "Knock, Knock." He pushes it the rest of the way open, entering to find her sitting on the end of her bed, in her nightgown, painting her toenails.

"Oops", He says, averting his eyes. "Sorry."

Carina laughs, "Ever the gentleman. Charles Irving, you are one of a kind."

She sets the nail polish aside, stands up, wraps her robe more tightly around herself, and sits again at the end of her bed. "So what's up?"

Chuck looks at her, and feeling less self-conscious, sits on the end of the bed with her, separated by a foot or so.

"Hey Carina, we need to talk." he says, looking at her with uncertainty and concern in his eyes.

Carina realizing what this talk's going to be about, responds, "Yeah Chuck, I know. It's okay."

Chuck pauses, and then continues, hesitantly, "We need to talk about us. You know. You and me."

Carina responds, softly, "Yeah Chuck, I know."

Chuck hurries on, "And, you know it's also about Sarah."

Carina smiles wistfully, staring straight into his eyes and tenderly says, "Yes Chuck, I know. I understand. I recognized it when I visited her in DC, and I knew it the moment you saw her in the woods."

She reassures him, "it's okay Chuck. You are a wonderful man, but we both know that I'm not looking to settling down with kids."

Chuck slowly nods, staring in her eyes.

She grins and lightly punches him in the arm. "If I was, I would be definitely all over you. But, I'm not that kind of girl. Sarah is. Sarah needs you. I understand and I'm okay with it".

A million emotions passed over Chuck's face; sadness, relief, regret, and hope. "We'll still be partners, right?" He asks. "You're okay with that?"

Carina slaps him on the back saying, "You know it partner. You're not getting rid of me completely."

"You know I love you 'rina" Chuck tells her, turning his head to the side and tenderly looking at her.

"Yeah I know," she replies, "but it is little L love. She is big L Love. You live for her."

She has a bittersweet smile as she declares, "And I guess I love you too Chuck, and that's why I want you to be happy. Go to Sarah. She needs you. She's hurt, lost, confused, and doesn't even know herself anymore. But you are her anchor to something real. So, be there for her, however you can be, and I'm sure in time you two are going to be OK, together."

As is her nature, she drives the point home. "The most loving thing you can do for me, is go love Sarah. I love being with you, and you are an amazing partner, but I can see you need to be with Sarah. Find some way to make it work. We don't give up on missions, we adapt and improvise. You need to adapt and improvise for her."

Chuck's eyes glistened, and he took her in his arms for a tight embrace. How did I get so lucky to have these 2 amazing women in my life?

After a long moment, Carina pushes him away, and thumbs away her own tears, which had pooled in her eyes. "Goodnight Chuck."

Recognizing he needs to let this moment go, just as he is letting her go, with fondness, and finality. He stands, takes and squeezes her hand one last time, and walks to the door. "Goodnight, Carina." And, with a sad smile, he departs.

oooooooooooooooo

Sarah lay in the darkness as it gave way to the light of the morning, the sun bringing clarity of mind, as it brought forth the world.

Forgiving myself isn't the only thing that I've got to do for myself. I need to take this opportunity and figure out who I really am. I'm no longer my daddy's little prop for one con or another. And, I am no longer Graham's mindless, obedient enforcer.

I was once Samira, but Sam was never allowed to be a child and also never was allowed to become an adult.

I am now Sarah Walker, birthed, full grown, like Aphrodite from the sea, to be a tool of the Agency. A vision of beauty, deadly beauty, obedient deadly beauty. Everything the CIA and Graham could want. And no past, no childhood, to complicate her present duty.

Chuck saw in me, and more importantly brought forth in me, a goodness, a loving and lovable heart, some vestiges of childhood innocence that I never realized I had.

I need to build on that, because if I can just believe that I am lovable, then I am worthy of the effort to create a good life, and a good future, for myself.

I have to start there.

I know I need Chuck in my life.

It's just that I have to figure out what my life is independent of Chuck. But, she smiled to herself, definitely including Chuck. He's like the icing on the cake.

That's it! I need to figure out my cake. Birthday cakes were always selected by sale, or opportunity to pilfer, so I was never asked what kind of cake I wanted. And, I still don't know what kind of cake I want. What an apt metaphor for life.

And, in that same vein, once I get my life cake figured out, Chuck is definitely be the icing I'm going to smother myself with.

Okay what do I like? I like wine, I like mojitos, I like fresh strawberries, and fresh blueberries, with cream. Well hell, I like most good food.

I like California sunshine more than I liked the bluster of the East Coast.

I like my Porsche, and I like the freedom and the ready power that it provides me.

Okay so I do like Independence. Even if I never really had it, I feel less stress when I have control.

I like feeling tall. I like high heels, and that is something wonderful about Chuck. Even in 3-inch heels, I'm still looking up to him.

I like Chuck, Ellie and his whole family, but after Burbank I know I don't like retail, and I really don't like dealing with the public, for the most part.

I like being fit, and the control that allows me to have over my own body, and I definitely like to excel at whatever I put my mind to.

Okay this is good, embracing my own favorite things.

But, what does that mean in the real world, how does that translate to real life? With my ear damage, odds are I'm never going back out in the field as an agent. And, I have to hope that the headaches finally go away. So, do I stay with the CIA in some kind of administrative or analyst role? Or, do I want to get a job in the private sector?

And, if so, doing what? I could use my physical skills and maybe be a cop, or a detective, or maybe a bodyguard. But I am tired of fighting.

I've got my language skills, but I don't think I have the patience for being a teacher. Maybe I could be a translator for business, or maybe an international sales representative of some sort?

Or with Chuck in my future, assuming we get married and settle down, do I want to be a housewife, and not worry about a professional career? God it's too much to think about all at once.

I need to ask for a notebook, and start writing it down. Create my own Sam/Sarah guide and instruction manual.

Now if I only had a notebook to write down a note to ask for a notebook. She laughs out loud.

Well let's get the day started and see if I can get a real breakfast now.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sarah had plenty of opportunity to watch Chuck and Carina together. They joke around, they are friendly, they are comfortable, they are…..intimate? Sarah can't help but feel a little jealous, a little nervous.

Carina's my girl, but I want Chuck to be my Man.

Damn if our history doesn't make me nervous.

They were the two of the people she loved the most, and she knew that Carina understood Sarah's feeling for Chuck, but it still made her nervous, could Carina's magic ensnare him again?

Even though she hadn't declared herself to Chuck, yet, she needed to talk with Carina.

The next time Carina stops by to visit, Sarah steels her nerves, knowing she might as well get this over.

"Hey Carina, would you mind shutting the door?" Sarah asks as the red head enters.

Carina pauses, struck by the unusualness of the request. Normally Sarah only closed the door when it was her and Chuck.

Ah, she thinks, smirking, it must be girl talk, maybe even sex talk, hubba hubba, and she knows to come to the master.

So, she grins, turns and closes the door, and steps to the side of the bed, "Hey Blondie, what's up? What are we keeping on the down low? There's no one around to be sneaking around with." She winks and adds, "Unless you are thinking you and me."

Seeing Sarah's mouth drop open and snap closed, Carina quickly continues "Or are you planning a surprise for Chuck? Do you want to borrow my body paints? You should know a painted on bikini, breaks his brain."

"No! Yes. What? That's … That's exactly what I want to talk to you about." The words stumble their way out of Sarah's mouth.

"I know we speak many languages, but that really didn't make sense in any of them." Carina teases. "What's got you nervous, honey?" she asks, in a softer tone, sitting on the edge of the bed and softly laying her hand on Sarah's forearm.

Sarah looks down, swallows and looks back up, into Carina's eyes and quietly states, "You. You make me nervous."

Shocked, Carina quickly stands and looks down at Sarah, confusion and worry in her eyes.

"The fact that you know that about him, makes me nervous." Sarah's voice quiet and her eyes showing hurt and requesting compassion.

Carina's face softens, and she lightly teases, moving her hand down, gesturing at her body like a model on display, "So you admit that this should be a registered weapon?" She continues more seriously, "You know I wouldn't use it against you and Chuck, don't you?"

Sarah huffs, smacks her hands on the blankets, and looks aimlessly around. "I know it's stupid. I know Chuck truly loves me. And I trust you not to hurt me, but you are you. Could you turn it down a little, or you know, completely," Sarah says, looking up pleadingly.

Carina stares down and Sarah, a soft smile on her face. God, I love this girl. "You know I usually don't know I am even doing it."

Sarah furrows her brow in response, so Carina hurriedly finished the thought, before Sarah could get too upset. "I promise to not do anything intentionally too flirty. And, I will never do anything to get between you two. Chuck loves you. I was just a temporary diversion."

Her smile broadens, "Ok, Sarah. I officially give you custody of Chuck." she says, poking Sarah in the shoulder.

Sarah slaps Carina's hand away and looked at her with hooded eyes, softened by a crooked smile. "You've got no choice Red. I'm his, he's mine, and we are inseparable."

"I know honey, it's obvious to everyone." She says, squeezing Sarah's shoulder for emphasis. "But I do want visitation rights."

Sarah's eyes widen and her mouth falls open as she looks up gaping, "What does THAT mean?

"I told you I wouldn't get between you, but I want to claim rights to his other side." Carina says, broadly smiling.

Sarah crosses her arms, and lookes up dubiously, stating "And how exactly does that work." She raises an eyebrow for emphasis.

"Weeelll, when I come to visit and we are sitting around talking or watching TV." Carina pauses, taking a breath.

Sarah just motions with her hand for Carina to continue.

"I want snuggling rights to his other side." Carina rushes out.

Sarah sits, blank faced and dumbfounded.

"You get everything under his clothes. But, you know about the power of his touch and his hugs. How calming and reassuring they are. You know that isn't normally my thing, while it's something you need. But from time to time a girl needs a fix. If a mission goes shitty, or something similar, I can visit and sooth myself in his arms, or at least one of them," Carina finishes, clapping her hands together. "Sound good?"

"Well, that's unusual, and I don't think it is legally binding, but know you are family. And if you need to come to us and heal, you are welcome." Sarah sincerely says. "But remember", she hurriedly adds, "hands stay on the outside of clothes."

Carina wads up the tissue she had grabbed to dab her eyes, and throws it at Sarah. "Agreed," and after a meaningful moment adds. "Love you Sarah."

"Love you Carina." came the reply.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Chuck has Casey, and Sarah has Carina for their confidants. So, they turn to them for relationship advice. Casey. And Carina. For relationship advice.

While it is nowhere near professional therapy, and barely better than an advice blog, it is better than nothing. Sometimes it is good just to have someone who listens.

Confused and clueless about how two people could be so sappy and mopey about love, Carina and Casey listened and cared.

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A/N 3:

I hope you enjoyed that. You can let me know with a review. Also you can pester me over at the Chuck FanFiction page on FBook