The remaining three chapters all have Liam as an adult and father. The request was for Jamie, Liam and Reilly's oldest child to get into trouble. He is the most like Liam and at times a challenge. This episode with his son brought back some memories from his own childhood.
Life is About Saying Your Sorry
I walked in the front door quietly, looking at my phone trying to decide whether or not to return a phone call now or later when I heard it. Jamie had been petitioning to go somewhere or do something and Reilly was consistently telling him no. She went on to explain that she wasn't comfortable with whatever the situation was and for him not to ask again. It was then that I the word that sent me reeling.
"God Mom, you are such a bitch."
Reilly made an odd noise like a strangled gasp and I instantly dropped my phone on the table by the door and marched into the main area where I was finally seen. There was no hesitation, I took Jamie by the elbow and steered him towards the basement door. I heard Reilly in the background call out my name and I assured her I was fine. And I was. I was in total control or mostly in control.
I marched him down the stairs and saw Sean playing with his construction set and yelled at him to get out. He took one look at me and his brother and raced up the steps, no second command needed. We then went over to the couch where I sat down and flipped my almost twelve-year-old son over my lap and proceeded to give him the spanking of his life. This was not commonplace in our home at all. In fact, we pretty much had a hands-off policy. Sean was easy, usually a look got him to comply and if that didn't work a stern word, the worst I've had with him was getting up and heading his direction one night when he was just in an awful and defiant mood. I hadn't even gotten halfway when he sprinted up the stairs to his room where he initially been told to go.
Ella was still so young, the toddler tantrums were lessening and timeouts got her back into shape quickly. But Jamie was always the one to push and push. There were times when I was undercover that Reilly called my dad over to deal with him. Some stern words, extra chores and specific expectations generally got him back on track. However, this, this was above and beyond and completely unacceptable. He had no idea I had been just out of his line of sight listening. Would he have done it if he had known? Probably not. And what would I have done if Reilly had told me later that evening. What would she have done in the meantime?
I instantly went back to when I was ten and did something similar with my father. It had been my one and only major spanking. And I had a sense then that I had deserved it and as I matured only grew into the fact that I had. I knew it had to be serious to invoke that type of response from my father. This kid was a lot like me and hopefully he would understand as I did.
My hand was stinging as I laid down the last blow. Ten in all I think. Jamie had been wiggling and attempting to pull away, but I had held him firmly. Now I helped him sit up and pulled him back as he tried to stand up.
"Sit down," I stated unsympathetically. Since he didn't have much of choice he complied.
"I cannot believe what I just heard. I am so angry and disappointed with you right now."
"Well I'm angry and mad at you," he hiccuped back through his tears.
"Oh really? And why is that?" I ask him.
"You aren't supposed to be going on those trips anymore and you were gone for a week."
He's right. I had stopped going deep undercover after Ella was born. Three kids was too many for Reilly to deal with alone for weeks on end. But this had come up and I dove in. I got home late last night, but made sure I was up to greet all the kids this morning and help out with the breakfast off-to-school routine. Sean and Ella had been thrilled with my presence but Jamie was a little more bristly about it.
"If you are upset or have an issue with me, then you talk to me. You do not ever take it out on your mother. Or speak to her in that manner ever again for any reason! I don't care how old you are it will not end pleasantly for you.
"Do you understand me?"
He remained quiet for several seconds causing me to ask him again. Always trying to be in control—just like I used to be. "Yeah," he finally replied. Causing me to respond just as my dad would have.
"Yes sir," I tell him. He looks at me confused. "Your response is to be yes sir."
Again a delay. "I can continue," I promise him tugging him back towards me.
"Fine, yes sir," he tells me as he folds his arms. But his attitude leaves a lot to be desired.
"Listen kid, you may not like some things in your life, you may be mad at me but that is no excuse to speak to anyone, most especially your mother like that."
He whispers a quiet okay. To which I remind him of the proper response. "Yes sir."
"Yes sir," he parrots.
I sigh and look at his tear-stained face. "Let me tell you a story when I was around your age and the very same thing happened to me."
I, of course left out the part about the undercover drug deal, but told him how I had weaponized the song against my father and his reaction as well as how I had to call him or anyone else sir and ma'am when I was grounded or in trouble.
He seems to chew on this for a minute. I assure him he is more than welcome to talk to Grandpa about it and says he probably will. I'll have to give Dad a heads-up to leave out the first part of the story.
"You made me feel like a little baby," Jamie began.
"Well you were trying to be this big deal and you young man are not even close to using that type of language. And like I said, I don't care how old you are, you never speak to your mother like that."
"Have you ever—you know to your mom."
"Never. And if I did now, I would be in trouble."
"You would?"
"You think Grandpa would let that go?"
"Probably not."
"And I wouldn't be doing my job as a father if I let what you did go."
"I don't want Sean to know that I got spanked."
"I'm not telling him. And you'll have to answer for more. I'm going to talk with your mother about the rest of your punishment."
"More?" He asked me with disbelief.
"Oh yeah kid. More. But right now, you and me, you tell me why you're mad at me."
"Cause you were gone again. For days and days. And I have to help with stuff when you are gone. Even when you come home late at night I have to help."
"Oh, you're upset because you have to be a part of this family?" He looks at me confused. "Being a part of the family means you help when you can. Yes, I count on you to help out when I'm not around. Just like I count on your brother."
"But he likes to help. Am I supposed to be the man of the family? Cause you just made me feel like a little kid. Be a man or a kid, which one is it?"
"You were trying to be the wrong kind of man tonight. And no, I don't expect you to be the man of the family and neither does your mother, but we expect you to be a part of it and that mean you help the people that you love just as they help you. Understand?"
He shrugs. "I guess. But you work so much. It's not fair."
"You're right. I do work a lot of hours, just like my father did when I was a kid. I hate that it takes me away from you guys, but I'm a cop, it's what I do. And I am home more now that I have been in the past.
"Look son, I understand it, I really do, I had this same conversation with my own father more than once, and you have to remember that I didn't have a mother around. Do you know how lucky you are to have your mom and siblings?"
"Sean bugs me and Ella is a pest."
"But you and Sean have fun together and you are so cool in Ella's eyes, Sean's too. You know that and I'm sure you wouldn't trade it away for anything. You can see how they look up to you. And having a mom is pretty nice, right?"
He puts his head down but tells me yes.
"What else are you mad at me for?"
"I don't know. Mostly that. Oh and spanking me." He says regaining some traction.
"I didn't want to have to do that. But I knew it was called for. It made an impression on me when I was a kid and I hope it makes the same impression on you."
"I think it will." He admits.
"Good. I don't want to have to do it again, but I will. Is that understood?"
"Yeah."
"Yes sir." I remind him again.
"Yes sir. How long do I have to do that and what are my other punishments?"
"You have to do it until your grounding is over."
"How long is that?"
"I'll let you know after I talk to your mom. We'll decide together. You'll be lucky if she doesn't throw the book at you. I think she had tears in her eyes when I grabbed you. Is that something to be proud of?"
"No, I guess not."
"I would say not. You are going to stay in your room tonight. I'll keep Sean upstairs. You are going to eat dinner down here and work on a written apology for your mother. And then, one of Grandpa's favorite activities for me when I was in trouble; write out sentences. I want you to write, "I will never talk to my mother like that again," I tell him. "You will fill up a page with that and if it is neat enough then you will be able to stop. If it is not, then you will fill up the second page. You can work on that tomorrow at the kitchen table or start on it tonight at your desk.
"I want to stay down here. I'm embarrassed about getting spanked."
"You should be more embarrassed about what you said to your mother than what I did to you. When you give your mom the written apology, you will tell her you are sorry as well. And I don't want some weak little one or two word apology I want to be well thought out and sincere."
"What's sincere?"
"That you mean it. Listen to me, I would have been angry and your punishment would have been the same if you had said that to me, but that woman is not only your mother but also my wife. And nobody will disrespect her like that."
"It won't happen again." He assures me.
"Make sure that it doesn't." I tell him as I stand up and head towards the stairs. "I'll check on you later."
"Yes sir," he replies as he grimaces upon standing.
"Talk to me when you are angry because of something I did or didn't do. You aren't allowed to be disrespectful, but I swear I will listen to you, really listen."
"But you have to be here."
"True. But one day you will understand why I had to go away sometimes. And I always come back. While I'm gone, you will have time to make a list of your grievances."
"Are you a spy?" He suddenly asks.
"We'll talk when you are older." I promise.
"When will that be?"
"You tell me. The proof is in your behavior."
"Okay. I mean yes sir." He amends.
I head back upstairs as he goes to his bedroom. Sean greets me as soon as I walk through the door. "Can I go downstairs and play now?"
"Not tonight buddy. Jamie needs some alone time."
"Is he in trouble?"
"Yes he is."
"What did he do?"
I look at Reilly and she gives me a small I don't know look.
"He said something inappropriate to Mom."
"What's that?"
"It means he said something mean."
"Oh. So he's getting punished?"
"He is."
"But I can't go down and play and I didn't do anything wrong," he complains. "I want to play with my construction stuff now. Can you go get it?"
I sigh. "There's too many pieces and you are right you didn't do anything wrong and I'm sorry about that. But how about after dinner you and I kick the soccer ball around in the backyard?"
"Okay," he agrees his face lighting up.
Just then Ella, not to be left out begins to cry and walk my way waving around her finger sobbing that she hurt it. I can tell this is all a farce and that she needs some attention. But I go through the boo-boo protocol anyway of picking her up and kissing her finger which helps dry her tears. I then blow on her belly and even through her clothes; it's enough to garner giggles.
"Sean can you take your sister up to her room and play with her until dinner?"
"But I didn't do anything wrong. She always wants to play dolls and stuff, why do I have to?"
"Because I asked you to and come here," I instruct him. He comes over and I whisper in his ear the promise of walking to the local ice cream shop for a treat after dinner.
"Okay. Come on Ella let's go play dinosaurs," he tells her.
"Hold her hand on the stairs," Reilly calls out as Ella roars like a dinosaur. Contrary to Sean's complaints, Ella isn't so bad to play with. She'll let them attack and run over her dolls all day, as long as she gets a turn as well.
"What did you promise him?" Reilly asks me.
"Ice cream. I'll take them both after we clean up from dinner."
"What happened downstairs?" She asks as she dumps carrots into the pan on the stove.
So I tell her everything and she isn't sure how she wants to react. "Not sure if I agree with the spanking."
"Well I do. And I love you and respect you, but there was no way it wasn't going to happen. When I was his age," I began and filled her in on what I had told Jamie. "So trust me when I say it was the right thing. Plus nobody talks to my lady like that."
"I guess. It is kind of a big deal."
"It's a huge deal. If we allow anything like that now, he'll only push it the next time. Maybe now, he adjust his attitude."
"We can hope. I'm just glad you were here. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't."
"You have to learn to put your foot down with him. I wouldn't expect you to react as I did, but you can just let him get away with it. Send him to his room at the very least. Call my dad, he'll help."
"Did you ever smart off like that to your mom?"
"Hell no. First off, I was too young to be that bad, and then when she came back I was out of the house. But I'll tell you what, if I said something like that to her now, my dad would knock my block off. I was rude to her at times, I'll admit that much. And Dad did talk to me about it, but there were a lot of emotions tied into it."
"True, but it sounds like there was here too. And your dad always seems so calm and in control."
"He would be, while he was knocking my block off." I tell her with a smile. "I would act out because I was mad at my mom for being absent and my dad was the one who had to absorb it because he was around. So, yeah, I guess that happened here too. Jamie was mad at me and you were the one that was around. He thinks I'm a spy," I add.
"Well you are…kind of."
"Whatever you want to call me, he doesn't need to know about it yet."
"I bet you were a handful," she says as she pops a piece of carrot into my mouth.
"You have no idea," I say. "No idea at all."
Before we eat I take Jamie's dinner down to him along with a bottle of flavored water. He is laying on his stomach on his bed working on his sentences. I put his dinner on the desk and sit down next to him and rub his back for a moment.
"Is this neat enough?" He asks me as he shows me the paper. "I have to stop because my hand gets tired."
"It's fine."
"Do I have to do both sides?"
"Finish the side you are on and as long as it stays this neat and your attitude is good while you are grounded then you won't have to fill up the other side."
"How long am I grounded for?"
"A week."
"A whole week? That's forever."
"I think it's more than fair. And like I said, no attitude. You do the extra chores assigned to you without complaint."
"Fine," he huffs.
I give him a look and he softens. "Sorry. Dad, are you a spy? I won't tell anyone if you are."
"If I was a spy I couldn't tell even you."
"So you are one?"
"Kind of. But shhhh," I tell him putting my finger to my lips. He looks like the cat who ate the canary, tucking his secret away.
That evening I play in the backyard with Sean while Ella drags her ponies through the sandbox and then yells at them for being dirty. After we clean up, I take them both on the two block walk for ice cream. When we get home Jamie is sitting at the kitchen table with Reilly.
"I'm going downstairs to play," Sean declares and instantly disappears before I can even utter a word.
I put Ella in front of her favorite cartoon and join the conversation at the table.
"Jamie and I had a nice talk, in which he gave me a lovely apology."
"I'm glad to hear it," I say as I sit down.
"I finished this," he says showing me his written apology. "I was gonna ask you if it was okay, but you weren't here. I'm still working on the sentences."
I looked down at his paper and read. I'm sorry mom about what I said to you. I was mad but I shouldn't have yelled at you and called you a name. I was mad because I wanted to go to Caden's house and you wouldn't let me. And I was mad at dad because he said he wouldn't be gone a lot but he still is sometimes. But he talked to me and told me I was wrong and that you were sad so I am sorry and I won't ever do it again.
I smiled and gave it to Reilly to read. "Oh, and Mom and I talked about when you got in trouble for playing that song to Grandpa. She said she was going to call Grandpa and hear it from him, but I'm gonna before she does," he said smiling.
Thankfully, when the kids were occupied with the foosball table at the ice cream shop I was able to call my dad and explain it all to him. He thought it was hilarious and was happy to share the story with anyone who asked. Apparently he had gotten over the guilt he had carried for the physical aspect of the punishment. But he wasn't so happy about what his grandson said to his daughter-in-law and agreed with my disciplinary act. He would share the entire story with Reilly, but the abridged version with Jamie.
I knew he always struggled with some of the choices he made in raising me. And I owed it to him that I had no issue in dealing with my kids in happy times and not so happy times. I knew his disciplinary tactics were solid, and came from love so I had no trouble employing them with my children because I never felt as if he was unfair—well maybe at the time, but never for long.
Jamie settled down and was a reasonable young man for quite a while. And Reilly did up her game a bit, coming up with a pretty good angry face that put the kids in their place when I wasn't home. And my dad always said she could call him, that he could be pretty convincing over the phone. I did my very best to be more present, the kids were growing fast and I had already missed too much. I had no idea how hard this would all be, how hard it had been for my father. In the end we all just do the best that we can and hope that it is enough.
