Changeling - Chapter 4
Trigger warning! Mention of molestation beginning at '******', ending at same. Frank discussion about sex later in chapter.
"Sandra!"
"Kayleigh!"
We called to each other when I opened the door to let her in for our sleepover. We actually hugged each other there in the foyer, giggling and talking excitedly.
"Kayleigh, this is my mom, Elaine. Mom, this is my friend Kayleigh."
I put my hand out for Sandra's mom to shake as we smiled at each other. Sandra looked like a young clone of her mother.
"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Dietz!" I greeted her sincerely.
"It's nice to meet you face to face finally Kayleigh. Sandra talks about you all the time."
"I hope not, that would make for some very boring conversations."
She chuckled. "Not from what she's been telling me. Something about standing up to that Puck boy and putting him in his place."
I blushed. "I just don't like bullies."
"And neither do I." I heard behind me.
All of us turned to see my mom striding forward, her hand outstretched towards Mrs. Dietz. I introduced them, as it was considered polite, and I was raised to be a lady.
"Mom, this is Sandra, my best friend, and her mother Mrs. Elain Dietz. Mrs. Dietz, this is my mom, Doctor Cassidy Summers."
I grinned at Sandra and tilted my head towards the interior of the house. She grinned back, kissed her mom quickly telling her mom that she loved her. I told Mrs. Dietz that it was nice to meet her before Sandra grabbed her overnight bag and we ran up to my room, laughing the entire way. We entered my room and Sandra gaped. I didn't think it was all that. Nice, but it didn't seem enough to qualify for a jaw drop. I had a queen-sized canopy bed, a dresser, a white vanity, a small computer desk with my laptop on it. and a small table with a forty-gallon terrarium that held Nagini, my pet snake.
There were three posters on the wall from the Hubble Telescope, One 'Avatar' poster, and three posters of Vin Diesel, one from his movie 'Pitch Black', one from 'xXx', and one from his movie 'The Chronicles of Riddick'. Sandra giggled when she saw how many posters I had of him.
"Looks like someone had a thing for Vin Diesel."
"What?" I said, slightly embarrassed. "He's cute, and he's got muscles. Muscles are my kryptonite."
Sandra's eyes continued to roam over my room and when she got to Nagini, sucked in a breath. I was shocked because I didn't even think about whether Sandra was afraid of snakes or not when I had invited her over.
"You have a snake?!" Sandra exclaimed.
I couldn't tell if she was excited or terrified.
"I'm sorry! I forgot about Nagini! If she bothers you, I can put her in a guest room for the night." I said apologetically. Sandra's eyes opened wider, and she looked at me.
"Can I hold her?" She asked. I laughed, relieved.
I went over to Nagini's cage, opened the sliding screen on top, and pulled her out. She was a gorgeous example of a pewter Royal Python about three feet long, not yet fully grown. I held her out to Sandra who took her and coo'd at her, making me grin.
"You said her name was 'Nagini'?"
"Yeah, from Harry Potter. It was that, or Kaa from the Jungle book."
Nagini started climbing up Sandra's arm and over her shoulders, her head peeking through Sandra's hair on the other side of her neck.
"I think she likes you!" I exclaimed.
"Oh, I love her! I wish my mom would let me get a snake, but she's terrified of them!"
"Hey! Would you like to go swimming?" I asked.
Sandra got an excited look in her eye.
"You have a swimming pool?" She asked.
"Yeah! And a Jacuzzi!"
A look of rapture covered her features as she sighed and said "Oh God! That's it! I'm moving in."
I giggled.
"I don't have a suit though."
"No problem. You can wear a pair of my jogging shorts. A bra and a tee shirt would round out what you need. We can wash them after we're done."
"Okay! Let's go!" We put Nagini back into her cage and then changed into our swimming outfits.
We changed in separate rooms, me in the bathroom and her in my room. We spent a few hours in the pool, swimming and horse playing. My mom brought us out some snacks and iced tea to the patio table. When we finished, we soaked in the hot tub and Sandra explained how she became involved with Puck. I kept a close eye out for my mom so that she didn't come out and overhear Sandra, but it wasn't easy given some of what she told me.
Noah was be very charming and persuasive when he wanted something from you. Sandra let me know that she hadn't been a virgin when she slept with Puck, having lost it when she was 12. So she wasn't a complete stranger to sex.
"He was actually really good. The only problem I could see at the time was that he didn't want to use a condom. So, I told him 'No glove, no love'", and he finally relented.
"I'm glad I'm no longer interested in him."
"You're not? For real?"
"For real."
"Are there any guys you are interested in?"
"Not really."
"Kayleigh. Are you a virgin?" She asked.
I couldn't help it. I felt my cheeks heat up and I found a sudden interest in the surface of the water.
"Oh my God! You are! Aren't you?!"
"So?" I asked.
I don't know why being a virgin would make me feel like I should be ashamed, but it did.
"I'm sorry, I'm just surprised. You're gorgeous, I just thought that some guy would have swept you off of your feet and into his bed by now. Puck is certainly trying to do that."
I felt bad. Sandra was my best friend. The best one I'd had in years, and I'd been lying to her. I remembered what Clara had told me. I took a deep breath and looked up to meet Sandra's eyes.
"Sandra? We're best friends right?"
"Of course we are!"
"Do you promise that you'll stay my friend if I tell you something? You won't get mad at me or think I'm a freak or anything?"
She looked confused, but nodded her head.
"I promise. If you'll do the same for me."
Then her eyes went almost circular in shock as she blurted out, "You haven't been molested have you?"
I looked at her in horror. "No! Never!"
****** Trigger warning.
She sighed and then relaxed. "Good, I'm glad. I was, starting when I was 9. My therapist says I should talk about it but it isn't easy."
"Oh my God! I'm sorry Sandra! That's horrible!"
I sloshed forward and pulled her into a hug, my own issues forgotten for the moment. She hugged me back and I felt a warmth that didn't come from the water. I pulled back after a little bit, giving her a final, hard, squeeze. I was trying to organize my thoughts when Sandra began her tale.
Mark Gardens had been a friend of the family since before she'd been born. He and her dad had been buddy's in the SeaBees, the Navy's construction battalion, and had started the GD General Contracting Company when they'd gotten out. They thought that the initials were funny. He'd been the third person to hold her after she'd been born and had been named her godfather.
He'd helped her learn how to ride her bike. He'd been the one to help console her when her dog, Comet, was hit by a car and killed. He'd bought her a puppy a few months later, thoughtfully not another golden retriever like Comet, but a shih tzu she'd named Balto. Mark was like a second father to her. That's probably why she never took notice of the way he'd touch her sometimes, thinking that it wasn't anything special. At least until her mom caught Mark with his hand down her panties.
Sandra didn't understand the screaming and thought that she'd done something wrong. It took over a year of therapy before she understood that it wasn't her fault in any way. She still went to her therapist once a month.
****** Trigger end.
I repeated my earlier hug. My best friend had gone through something as horrible as that and I'd never suspected. Next to that, my issue seemed trivial.
"You still want to be my friend, don't you Kayleigh?" She asked, seeming very vulnerable.
"Of course. I'll always be your friend!" She sighed, and I could feel her sag in relief. I let her go and sat back against the other side of the Jacuzzi.
"I promise I won't tell anyone. Just, please, don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. It's not as bad as yours, but it's still really personal."
"I promise Kayleigh, pinky swear!" And she held out her hand with her pinky extended. I grinned, I hadn't done this since I was 7, but we linked pinky's and shook once.
"Okay, please don't get upset with me. You're only like the third person I've told other than my parents."
Sandra gasped. "You're gay!"
Well, she didn't look horrified, she actually looked kind of... happy... about it? At least it looked like this would be easier than I expected.
"Uh, kinda? It's complicated. Sandra... I'm a boy. I'm trans. I've been living as a girl since I was 4 I've always felt like I shoulda been a girl. When I found out the difference between boys and girls at the age of 3, I threw a fit because I was a boy. You could say I'm gay because I'm attracted to boys, but I'd say I'm straight since I feel like I'm a girl."
I looked at her shyly, my head cocked to the side. "You're not upset with me are you?"
Sandra started laughing. Out of all the possible reactions, that was the one I didn't expect at all. As she continued, I started getting a little hurt, was my gender identity really that funny? I guess my expression got through to Sandra because she stopped laughing and then she was the one to come and give me a hug. She squeezed me tight and I felt everything would be okay. If she was upset or disgusted with me, she wouldn't be giving me a hug, right?
"Kayleigh, I'm not upset with you! I'm sorry about laughing, please don't be upset with me, but I have something else to confess... I'm bi. I was starting to look at you as a possible girlfriend!"
Wow. This had gotten convoluted really quick.
"I..." I didn't know how to say it.
Her eyebrows raised and she asked. "Do you like girls?"
Remembering my thoughts at the beginning of the year, I answered. "Um, maybe? Not as a boy though, I hate my boy parts. I don't even like using them to pee with. And I can't have my surgery until I'm 18."
"And that's why you changed in a separate room and you don't dress out at school."
"Yeah, I didn't want anyone to see my boy bits."
"I understand. I was actually kinda hoping you were comfortable enough to change with me. I was looking forward to seeing your girl parts." She grinned, but she was also blushing.
I had no idea what to do now. She was attracted to me, but that was when she thought I was a girl. I guess we were still friends, but everything was confusing right now. Only one way to find out.
"Um, so. What now? We're still friends right?" I asked hesitantly.
"Of course! Unless..." And she gave me a look.
"Uh, unless... what?"
"Unless you would like to be something more?"
I was floored. Did she still mean being girlfriends? My heart felt like it was about to come out of my chest. I hadn't thought about Sandra in that way. At least, not until she mentioned it, now I was curious. Would it be a bad thing?
"Uh, wha... um, what do you mean?" My lips were dry, so I gathered some saliva and licked them.
"Would you like to be my girlfriend?"
"S...Sandra, I don't know. I hadn't thought about you in... that way. And I don't have the, uh, right equipment..."
She grinned as if she knew something I didn't.
"That's okay, at least you didn't say 'no'. We can start slow and see where it goes. All I ask is that, if you would like to be my girlfriend, that you let me know. I won't push... much."
My heart wouldn't stop beating fast. I was bi, and I hated being male even more now. It was at that point that my mom came out and joined us in the Jacuzzi. Seeing my expression, she asked me if everything was okay. Sandra covered for me, saying that she had been telling me some horror stories about her previous boyfriends. This encouraged my mom to begin telling her own stories. I listened with half an ear, my thoughts actually swirling with all the implications. My life had just gotten infinitely more complicated.
Sandra and I were in my room gossiping and doing our nails, both of us opting for a glossy red. Mom was downstairs finishing dinner, a veritable feast of homemade chicken tenders, both spicy and mild, jalapeno poppers, French fries, sides of Ranch and BBQ sauce, and root beer to drink. Mom had the idea of us going and having a spa day. Massages, mani/pedi's, hair, the works. She also suggested that Sandra invite her mother and make it a girls day out. Sandra and I were all for it, as well as Mrs. Dietz when she was called.
I felt that Sandra and I had grown much closer since we'd each shared our secrets. My thoughts kept returning to the idea of being Sandra's girlfriend and just what that would entail. We were talking about school and stuff, playing with Nagini when my mom came in to wish us goodnight, kissing me on my forehead and then leaving, closing my bedroom door behind her.
About 30 seconds after she left, Sandra ducked her head down and forward, whispering conspiratorially, "Kayleigh, have you ever kissed a boy?"
I hadn't expected that question so I shook my head 'no'.
"Why not?"
"Too afraid I guess. I don't want to lead anyone on y'know?"
"Too bad."
We continued talking and I learned more about sex than I had ever expected to. Sandra held nothing back, from what it felt like kissing both boys and girls to when she lost her virginity. She took the role of my mentor in explaining how to do everything as well. If I was really a girl, I'd know what to expect when that moment came. As it was, there was one thing she didn't bring up and I wasn't about to ask. I never stopped blushing throughout her entire recitation. Sandra thought that was cute.
We left early the next morning and headed for the Spa. Well, by early I meant 9 a.m. Cut me some slack, it was a Sunday! Sandra brought her clothes and would leave with her mother. We spent a glorious day being pampered. We had our hair washed, dried, and styled, mani/pedi's, a full body massage, and facial's including having our eyebrows sculpted.
It was 4:30 by the time we were done and we all felt marvelous. My mom and Mrs. Dietz shook hands while making tentative plans to meet for lunch during the week. I shook her hand as well with Sandra actually hugging my mom and thanking her for letting her spend the night. I didn't know Mrs. Dietz quite well enough for such close contact, but I was glad that my mom and Sandra were getting along so well. Mrs. Dietz suggested that I could come over next Saturday night and spend the night at their house. I was already excited about it.
After the spa, mom took me shopping. She insisted on buying me a pair of 3 inch stiletto heels saying that I'd need to get used to them. I also got a beautiful royal blue, sleeveless, cocktail dress. It was a bit Gothic, but I loved it. My favorite thing we got that afternoon was some more bras. Mine had been getting a bit tight in the cup area. When I was measured, I was ecstatic to discover that I was now, officially, a 'B' cup!
Dinner was takeout again since we'd been out so late. I didn't care. I liked cooking, but I liked eating out just as much. We went to Wendy's this time and I grabbed a large #4 double baconator meal. It had 3 of my favorite food groups - cheeseburger, bacon, and French fries. My mom just shook her head. We sat at the table to eat and my mind was aswirl with so many things since I'd started school and they all seemed to be hitting me now for some reason.
"Kayleigh?"
I jerked my head from where I'd been staring out the window to my moms face.
"I'm sorry mom, I was thinking."
"Must be some deep thoughts, I've called your name three times already."
I blushed and started using my fry to draw patterns in my pile of mayo I usually dip my fries into, not remembering that I only play with my food when there's something bothering me.
"Talk to me Kayleigh." My mom said, her tone that of her confidant aspect of being a parent. I sighed.
"Mom. I... that is, Carla, said I should talk to you about... sex."
My face felt like it was about to burst into flames and I couldn't meet my mother's eye.
"I see. Well, I'm glad you felt you could talk to me about it. Is this just a general curiosity, or do you have someone in mind? A certain bully with a mohawk perhaps?"
"God NO mom! I don't even like him anymore! Just general stuff!" I exclaimed vehemently.
"Well Sweetheart, I have to say that your statement makes me feel a bit ambivalent about the idea. I mean, I'm glad you're curious and that you haven't followed any urges you may have had. At least, not yet. But it also makes me sad that you haven't thought about someone in that way. I want you to be happy Sweetie. So I'll just say one thing, if you feel that you're ready for that step, you take precautions. I know you can't get pregnant, but you still need to worry about STD's, not to mention the possibility of rape."
Oh God! Rape. That hadn't even entered into my mind.
"Um, no mom. I admit that I've had those kind of thoughts about guys, including Noah, but just thoughts. I don't think I'm ready for sex yet. I've known that I should have been born a girl since I was old enough to know the differences between boys and girls. And I've been attracted to boys since the 3rd grade. I mean, I wanted a boyfriend just like Janet Scarborough had.
But lately I think I might be bi. I had a girl ask me to be her girlfriend and I've been thinking about that. I don't know how that would work since I don't have the right equipment, at least not yet. I just don't know what to do. I still want a boyfriend, I'd like to know what it would be like to kiss a guy, go out on dates, that sort of thing. Eventually sex, but only after we'd gotten to know each other y'know? Carla says that you wouldn't be able to stop me if I wanted to do that, but I don't want to go behind your back like that. I am curious about what sex would be like with both boys and girls, I just don't want to disappoint you and..." I realized that everything that had been a concern of mine started coming out in a rush of verbal diarrhea. "... I'll shut up now."
My cheeks were flaming again and I looked down at my rapidly cooling food. I'll have to nuke the burger to warm it back up. I only needed to dip my fries in my mayo, mayo made everything better.
"Sweetie, look at me." I looked up to see her expression, soft, caring, with a slight smile.
"You're 14, it's normal to start having those thoughts at your age. Just because you identify as a girl doesn't mean you can't be bi. Your gender identity doesn't have anything to do with your gender preference. If you only like boys, then fine, same for if you only like girls. If you like both, then you have the best of both worlds."
Then she directed a serious look at me as she said. "And by that, I mean that I speak from personal experience."
Okay, my jaw dropped and my eyes widened in surprise. My mom was bi! O... M... G!
"Y... you're... bi?" I stuttered.
She smiled. "Well, yes. I much prefer men, but I've had some... dalliances with other women, mostly in college."
Then she continued. "And you could never disappoint me. Well, as long as you didn't turn into a hardened criminal. Kayleigh, if you don't want to have sex, then don't. But if you do, I'd want you to be safe about it. I am happy that you've given it some thought instead of just letting your hormones rule, and yes, I know they're artificially induced right now, but that doesn't make the feelings any less real. And, if you decide to have sex with a guy, just be careful because anal can be painful if you don't prepare for it. I can speak from experience about that also."
I was following along with what my mom was telling me, feeling better about coming out as bi to her right up until she said the last couple of sentences, then I facepalmed.
"Mom, I could have gone years without hearing that last part."
"Forewarned is forearmed Sweetie! And if you want to get together with Sandra, then you have my blessing."
I choked... on air.
"I didn't say anything about Sandra!" I exclaimed, panicking a little.
She just gave me the 'don't think I'm stupid look'. I hung my head. "I was just worried that if I told you, you wouldn't let us spend the night together anymore."
"I wouldn't do that. Like I've already stated, I just want you to be safe. I wouldn't stop the two of you from spending the night but her mother might. I just would appreciate it if I didn't have to see or hear of it, so please be discrete about that. Kissing and stuff in front of me is okay but..."
I wish my cheeks would stop turning crimson.
oooOOOooo
It was a big change for me to wear my Cheerio's uniform to school everyday. I no longer had to pick out my clothes or figure out what hair style I wanted to wear. Which was both good and bad, but it was a little more involved as I was expected to wear makeup in order to 'look my best'. This wasn't Coach Sylvester's rule, it just seemed to be a general consensus among the rest of the Cheerio's. Fortunately, they didn't require much more than eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, and lip gloss. I used my favorite coral color as much as possible, just switching it up every once in a while.
Noah quit stalking me, merely giving me sad eyes from time to time, but I didn't care. If he stopped bullying people and started being nicer, then I'd probably forgive him. But, until I was sure, I wasn't taking any chances. I still felt butterflies in my stomach when I'd see him and I hated myself for it. I hadn't meant to lie to my mom and Sandra about liking him, but I only felt that way when I saw him. Other times I could forget about him... usually... almost always... every once in a while.
I was breezing through my subjects, except for Language Arts. I still had to study that more than any other of my subjects. I much preferred French. With Ms. Blake's teaching I was rapidly improving my vocabulary, syntax, and even my accent in French. I could hold a ten minute conversation now entirely in French without any mistakes. Ms. Blake even gave me bonus points for having picked up so much, especially in the first semester. Mr. Hammond congratulated me on my scores and said he was very happy that I'd proven myself in his Trigonometry class.
I pitched my idea to Coach Sylvester and she seemed to like it. The idea I had was to have two flyers and five sets of bases. The bases would be set in a 'M' pattern, or 'W' depending on which side of the field you were on. Both flyers would start at the bottom of the 'M', there one would be tossed to the center part at the bottom while the other was tossed to the top of the one leg. Then the one on the top leg would be tossed to the other top of the opposite leg while the flyer in the center would be thrown to the top part of the right leg. Both would then be tossed to the bottom part of the legs they were currently on.
Glee is where things started going pear shaped. Mr. Schue's dance moves still seemed to be stuck in the 70's. Only this time, Rachel called Mr. Schue out on it, recommending someone by the name of Dakota Stanley. Mr. Schue told her that it didn't mean Mr. Stanley had performed. That was when Quinn asked him if he'd performed, outside of high school that is. He hadn't.
I had just finished dinner when my mom got home. I was kinda getting used to her new schedule as Chief of Surgery. Her old schedule wouldn't have her home until 10 p.m sometimes, depending on the difficulty of the surgery she was doing, especially if it was a heart transplant. Being Chief of Surgery meant she could take her pick of which surgeries she wanted to do.
We talked about our day as usual. I had to assure her that I hadn't found any interesting boys. We watched The Greatest Showman and ate popcorn, just spending time together. It was when I finished my shower that I found two small bags on my bed, the logo on one showing that it came from a local drug store, the other from a store I'd never heard of. I opened the drug store bag and immediately closed it in shock. I straightened up and looked at the far wall, waiting for the prickly feeling on my skin to pass. The bag held a large box of condoms and a smaller box that said it was KY Jelly lubricant. The other had a pink colored dildo about six inches long and about an inch wide.
I threw the bag on my bed and ran out my door screaming "MOTHER!"
I wasn't angry, I was mortified.
My mom stuck her head out of the bathroom and asked, "What is it Sweetie?" "
The... the... things on my bed!"
"I told you Kayleigh, I want you to be safe and I want you to be prepared just in case."
"NO! They're going to go away, never to be seen again!" I lifted my finger up making a point. "They will never be mentioned again, this didn't happen!"
Then I turned and stormed off back to my room. I slammed the door and leaned against it, breathing hard. I couldn't believe it, my mom would get those things. I ran to my bed, grabbed the bags, and then shoved them into the bottom drawer of my dresser underneath all the other junk.
oooOOOooo
We had our mid-term practice tests starting today. I was confident that I'd score at least an 'A' in all my subjects, even Language Arts, so I wasn't too worried. I'd still like to get all straight 'A+'s' though. The bad news didn't hit until Cheerio's practice, Coach Sylvester shot down my stunt idea. I felt sad because I thought it had been pretty good. Apparently it wasn't good enough.
Then Glee. Mr. Schuester didn't show up for rehearsal again. Instead, Rachel came in with a plate of cookies, in the shape of stars of course, and explained why Mr. Schue wasn't showing up. This started a fight between Finn and Rachel, him blaming her for Mr. Schue not being around as much. I noticed Quinn had a slight smile while this was going on. I couldn't blame her, Rachel had tried to steal her boyfriend after all. We didn't do much rehearsing after that.
I couldn't look my mom in the face during dinner. It was very quiet until my mom spoke up.
"Kayleigh, I'm sorry if I overstepped. You know I'll support you in every way that I can, always. I just have to juggle my feelings as a parent, wanting to keep you safe, and my knowledge and experience as both a doctor and woman in being practical."
I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Raising my head to look her in the eye was harder than I thought it would be.
"I understand mom, you worry about me and want me to be happy, and I love you for that. It's just the idea of using those things seems kinda weird. And then the fact that you bought them for me just makes it worse. I mean, it's kind of a really personal thing. Kinda like I know that you and Paul have had sex, and that you and he will again when he spends the night, but I just don't want to have the image of it in my head."
"Same for me Sweetie, but like I said, trying to be practical and face reality. Neither one of us knows when you'll decide to have sex."
"I know mom. And if I can't talk to you about it, then there's no one I could, even Clara."
My mom's answering smile was all I needed.
A/N: I wanted to show a supportive parent for Kayleigh. I've just finished watching a movie called Crush about a lesbian girl in high school with a supportive mother who was very... open... about sex. I wanted to model Kayleigh's mother after her to a certain extent, just not to the extreme that was in the movie.
