It was several days before the Potter's heard from anyone again. Reports had been flowing in as friends sent Daily Prophet's and (surprisingly) the Quibbler. Ministry policy had dramatically shifted for the worst, and the details were both sickening and unsurprising now that Voldemort had taken over. Lily and James had spent the days keeping up with the times and worrying over their friends and family.

Harry had been declared Undesirable Number One, wanted for questioning as to the death of Albus Dumbledore. Lily had thrown her mug against the wall at that one. Meanwhile, she and James had been declared Undesirable Number Three and Two respectively, wanted for questioning as to how they had survived. They were being portrayed as monsters who wouldn't help make medical leaps that could save countless lives. Lily was rather insulted that she was Undesirable Number Three rather than Two, but oh well.

Then, there came a knock on the door one evening a few days after the wedding. Both of them pointed their wands at the door.

"Who's there?" James demanded.

"Tonks Lupin," said Tonks. "My true name is Nymphadora, I go by Tonks. My husband, Remus John Lupin, calls me Dora. I used to use my metamorphmarges abilities to impersonate Dumbledore while I was at school. You, James Potter, are the secret keeper of this house and told me and Remus the address."

James stowed his wand away, grinning, and opened the door. Lily embraced Tonks; she returned the embrace, but it was halfhearted. James looked his friend over, finding her hair mousy brown as it was back when she and Remus weren't really talking, but it still had streaks of hot pink. Her eyes were worried, and her face pinched looking.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked.

Tonks took a deep breath and looked from Lily to James. Then a smile crossed her face, though it did not reach her eyes. "I'm pregnant," she said.

"Wow, really?" James asked. Lily tried to smack him subtly, but Tonks just laughed.

"Yes, really."

"Congratulations," Lily said, smiling. "I know it's war, but trust me, it's still wonderful."

"I know the risks," Tonks said, quietly, "But I never didn't want this baby. It's just..." She sighed. James had a nasty idea that he knew where this was going. "Remus," Tonks whispered.

It was his turn to sigh. "How did he react?" He asked, with the air of one resigned to the worst.

"He's afraid," Tonks said. "He thinks the child will inherit his condition." There was real fear in her eyes as she looked between them. "Is that possible?"

"I don't know," said James, helplessly. "I don't even know if there has ever been a case of a werewolf in human form having a kid after he was bitten."

"Surely, the bite would only effect the person bitten," said Lily, not sounding all that sure, "It's a cursed wound that never heals, but wounds don't pass on."

Tonks grasped the hope with the air of woman drowning. "Yes, of course. That's what I told him, more or less. I told him we didn't have any proof it would pass, and it's just as likely it won't as it would, but..." She broke off.

"But it didn't make a difference?" James prompted, gently, silently cursing his friend.

Tonks slowly shook her head. "He thinks he's ruined our lives," she whispered. "I knew what I was getting into; I can deal with the looks and whispers and he knows that, but with a child... he thinks the baby will be shunned like he was. He hasn't said so, but I think he believes the child will grow up ashamed of him or hate him for sentencing them to that life."

James ran a hand through his hair, swearing under his breath. Remus would think something like that. "I'll go and talk to him, Tonks," he said, already reaching for his cloak, "I'll make him see sense."

"James," Tonks said, quietly, and something in her tone made him pause. "He's gone. He left this morning."

James dropped his cloak. He heard Lily gasp. There was a moment of silence. Then, James was hurrying from the room, muttering as he went. He patted Tonks' shoulder as he left, "It'll be alright, I'll try and get a hold of him, don't worry." He heard Lily guiding Tonks into the sitting room for tea.

He himself raced up the stairs two at a time and, as soon as he was alone, whipped out the mirror used to contact Order members. He was sure Remus would have his on him. "Remus," he said, clearly.

Nothing happened. The mirror remained annoyingly blank. "Remus John Lupin, you'd better pick up right bloody now!" Remus was clearly ignoring him. "Moony!" Still nothing.

James threw the mirror across the room, so it shattered against the wall. Oh, Remus had really messed up this time. How could he do this? To Tonks, to the kid, to his family? James understood being afraid. Heck, he had been scared stiff himself when Lily had told him she was pregnant. What should have been a happy occasion had been marred by the constant threat of war and the very real possibility that Harry would grow up without them. A possibility that had come true, more or less.

But James also remembered the joy of holding his son for the first time, and of that one beautiful year they had had as a family before it was ripped away. He remembered the fear when they had woken up to find that their son was now almost eleven and thought them dead, that maybe he wouldn't want to know them, would hate them for leaving him. But it had turned out to be a marvelous second chance that so few people were gifted with.

James had had no choice when he had been forced to leave his son. He couldn't comprehend doing it on purpose. Remus was being an idiot.

But James knew his friend, and he knew it was more than that. He knew that his decision was rooted in his deep-seated self-worth issues. No one despised Remus more than he did himself. It came from his father, whose heartless comments about werewolves had made Remus a target to begin with. It came from the childhood friends who had deserted him after he was bitten. It came from the people who would fire him the moment they found out what he was, the people would shun him and look at him like a monster, the people who couldn't even talk normally to him. Get called worthless often enough and you start to believe it, and nothing the Marauders did had ever changed that.

It had taken him over a year to accept that it was even possible that Tonks would choose him over anyone else. It might well take the whole nine months of pregnancy before Remus realized his child would be better off with his father than without him, no matter what happened.

But, hang it all, it was so simple, James didn't understand how Remus couldn't see it. Even if the child did inherit his lycanthrope, all the more reason for Remus to stay and help. James knew from experience that the wolf in his friend did recognize pack; for an infant to go through something like that it would be a hundred times better for him to have an older wolf to help him. Remus was running from his problems; weren't Gryffindor's supposed to be brave?

Oh, James knew that wasn't fair. All of them had run when confronted with their worst fear; the fear too deep and complicated for even a boggart to replicate. Peter had run straight to Voldemort, saying and doing anything to keep his life. Sirius had run for revenge, landing himself in Azkaban rather than trying to explain and refusing to escape when he was fully capable of it. James himself had hesitated, refusing to visit Sirius in Azkaban and denying himself the truth. Now, Remus was running from what he perceived to be his failures, from him hurting the people he cared about, not realizing that him leaving hurt even more.

James well remembered the days at school when they would get into morbid discussions. Remus would insist he could never have the life that they could, wife, kids, job. The things so many took for granted. But, Remus had also believed he would be the first of the Marauders to die, and look how that had ended? Remus believed a lot of things that weren't true. The Marauders had usually been there to head off that kind of thought process before he spiralled too far. James wasn't going to stop now.

He repaired the mirror and picked it up, considering what he was going to say. "Remus," he said, waiting a minute but being unsurprised when the mirror remained blank. He kept talking anyway. "You've got to come home, man. Tonks, she told us what happened. This... this is a happy occasion. I mean it; Harry's the best thing that ever happened to me and Lily, and it hasn't been easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know you wouldn't either if you'd give it a chance. Tonks, your child, they need you. Your kid needs his father, and Tonks, she needs you to be there for her. She needs your support. I guess you're trying to protect them, but they'd rather have you, no matter if you're cursed or shunned or anything. They love you. They always will. Please, Moony, come back. You'll regret it if you don't."

Silence.

James sighed and put the mirror back. Remus could be extremely frustrating.

James headed back down the stairs. Tonks and Lily were waiting for him. Tonks looked marginally better; it appeared that Lily's talk had gone better than his own.

"I couldn't get a hold of him," said James, "But I talked, so let's hope he was listening. He took his mirror, right?"

Tonks nodded.

"Right," said James, shifting awkwardly. "Well, I'm sure he'll come back eventually. Remus was always the type to brood; he needs time to process, then he'll be home." He said it confidently. He was pretty sure he was right. Still, Remus was hard to predict.

"Of course," said Tonks, standing up. "I thought so. I just wanted to let you both know what was happening."

"You'd be welcome to stay here," Lily offered.

"Thanks, but I'm staying at my parent's house," said Tonks. "I'll see you guys later. Stay safe."

"Yeah, you too," said James, as they walked her to the door and watched her walk to the end of the path and disapparate.

"You know sometimes I just want to..." James made a frustrated gesture with his fist. Lily raised her eyebrows at him.

James continued. "I mean, I understand that..."

"Do you?" Lily interrupted, softly. "Do either of us truly understand what it feels like to honestly believe yourself to be a monster?"

No, they didn't. Lily, as usual, was right.


I've always kind of thought that certain sections of the fandom were too hard on Remus for this decision. I mean, he's wrong, no two ways about that, but I've always felt he was coming from a very sympathetic place and his choice to eventually return to Tonks is an act of true bravery.

Also, the idea of Gryffindors, whose entire identity is basically based on being brave, being hit so hard in the place they fear most that they just bolt has always been a fascinating idea to me. The Marauders (although canon James less, since he died so young) are pretty good examples of this.