The Bodyguard, a naruto fanfic

The Bodyguard

"Tenten! Look! Look! I shaped your hair buns around two little cardboard pieces to look more pointy, like cat ears!"

Tenten stared at her reflection as the client beamed over her shoulder.

She wasn't quite sure how she had ended up here, sitting in front of a vanity mirror in the trailer of the actress playing the lead role in the third installment of the Icha Icha Make Out series.

Oh, right.

Hatake Kakashi was the Sixth Hokage now. Of course he would assign someone onsite the filming location in some capacity to ensure everything went smoothly for the movie adaptation of his favorite books.

The leader of Konoha had the prerogative to abuse his power like that. Tenten was just the hapless, random ninja picked to do the job.

Maybe not so random. The current Hokage seemed to have the impression that bizarre missions and the members of Team Gai were a natural combination. Tenten got sent on the weirdest assignments nowadays, and she no longer batted an eyelash.

Oh, she had words with the Rokudaime Hokage every time she got back from a job, but in the end, his own word was law. And having the luxury of being sent on odd missions was a sign that they were at peace. Things were better now after the war.

Her current task wasn't difficult. Tenten was more than capable of protecting a celebrity from paparazzi and other nuisances on her own, without need of a four-man team. The stalkers and perverts were a little annoying to deal with, but Tenten was having fun terrorizing them into rethinking their life choices.

Presently, a version of her was getting gussied up in the actress' trailer, and her real self was out on patrol.

She'd created the clone to keep Reika company when the actress had begged for someone to do 'girl-talk' with. While it wasn't necessary to keep the client happy, just to ensure their safety, Tenten decided to consider the request as a chance for training to control her chakra reserves. That way, she could stay close to Reika and do a sweep of the perimeter at the same time.

The actress had been suitably amazed when Tenten's shadow clone appeared.

And then, immediately after Tenten's explanation of why there were now two of her, using a jutsu to create a copy of herself with the chakra evenly divided between them, Reika had clapped her hands in delight, and gleefully steered Tenten's clone inside the trailer.

As it turned out, the client seemed to have equated 'clone' to 'living doll' and set upon rearranging the clone's hair in various styles. And from the way she was eyeing her makeup kit, Reika looked like she had many more things planned for her bodyguard/erstwhile personal mannequin.

Tenten sighed at her cat-ears. They were admittedly very cute. She almost wanted to meow at her reflection.

"I can see that," she responded.

"You're so pretty! Why don't you dress up more? I can lend you clothes, shoes, hair accessories…"

"I'm just here to guard you, ma'am," Tenten responded.

"Did you just- oh… Oh!"

Tenten blinked as the actress flounced away and threw herself disconsolately on the bed.

"Ma'am?"

"Ma'am!" Reika shrieked. "I'm an old, withered husk! A ninja bodyguard is calling me 'ma'am!'"

"Ah," Tenten was taken aback. She didn't know that she'd been assigned security duty to a female version of Gai-sensei, to whom the insinuation of being anything less than youthful was anathema and taboo, "I apologize! I didn't mean it as an insult, only a term of respect."

Reika began wailing in earnest.

She really was only a handful of years older than Tenten. Of course she wasn't an old lady. And she was baby-faced, making her look much younger, which was why she'd been cast in this role. Jiraiya had written the main character to be an innocent maiden who exuded an ethereal loveliness. Reika was all that and more.

"No, really, Ms. Reika, you're very beautiful, and young and… and…" Tenten trailed off.

Reika kept crying.

Should Tenten shake her? That always brought her team mate Rock Lee back to his senses. No. This was a client. A civilian. Shaking was not an option. The woman would probably break apart- she was so fragile.

The actress was undergoing a full-blown meltdown in front of her eyes.

Gone were the days when Tenten had despised outward shows of weakness. Countless missions had taught her that everyone was fighting their own personal battles in life, and not all of them were equipped with the support and guidance of a mentor like Gai who had trained his team to meet any challenge with courage and vigor.

She'd seen the pressure that showbusiness put on her client. It was ridiculous, the number of times Tenten had needed to step in when Reika was facing full-on harassment by paparazzi and stalkers alike for the past few weeks.

The woman was the picture of composure, and a formidable thespian. Apart from blocking out the noise of the production crew during shoots, the incompetence of her co-actor who was all looks and no brains, and the repeated takes of each scene until the director was satisfied, the sheer willpower it took for Reika to deliver the cheesiest lines in the most believable way, over and over, was nothing short of superhuman, in Tenten's opinion.

The actress was always cheerful in front of everyone. Maybe this was the tipping point that triggered the release of pent-up emotions from everything else Reika was going through, but whatever the reason, Tenten hated being the cause of anyone's tears. She already had two team mates who cried way too much over the strangest things.

The kunoichi steeled her resolve.

She was commonly known as a weapons master, having figured out her specialization early on in life. When she'd beaten her mentor for the first time in a spar using her chosen expertise, he had walked around the village on his hands with her perched atop his feet, shouting to everyone within earshot about how proud he was of his student and what a wonderful ninja she was turning out to be.

Obviously she had not really beaten Gai, a full-fledged jonin and one of the strongest ninja in Konoha, but rather had passed his standards of competence at her level as genin at the time. But his over-the-top encouragement back then had made it possible for her to be who she was now.

And while she was definitely not as ebullient as her sensei, Tenten decided to try his approach of positive and direct declarations of support and validation when faced with a weeping, discouraged female.

"Miss Reika, please dry your tears. You are not old at all, but refreshingly youthful, the very quintessence of springtime, a flower in full bloom! A beauty beyond words, a lotus shining radiant and sublime!"

Tenten couldn't quite muster the same fervor as a Green Beast in her delivery, but she had no shortage of vocabulary words and descriptive utterances that all meant the same thing - Youth, in all its various forms and expressions.

Reika's bawling died down. But she remained prone on the bed, despondent. Sobs continued to escape her shaking form.

"Not only do your looks evoke the splendor of maidenhood," Tenten continued doggedly, "I've watched you these past few weeks… and you are magnificent as a person as well! You exude the very essence of an unconquerable spirit, an unquenchable thirst for life, seeking challenges to overcome and achievements to attain, like fresh young leaves unfurling from stems to seek out the warmth of sunlight and the nourishment of rain…"

Tenten nearly tripped over 'achievements to attain' as her brain second-guessed if the better phrase should have been 'attainments to achieve', but realized that by talking loudly and with gusto one could cover up any trace of hesitation. So that was why her team mates seemed to lack volume control. Anyway, she could feel her own ears begin to bleed. She had to wrap this up. There was only so much of Gai-sensei she could channel before rainbows and sparkles began to appear in the background for no apparent reason.

"So please, don't cry. Anyone who sees you would know you are filled to the brim, nay, overflowing with bravery, brilliance, and the vitality of a woman at the peak of her existence!"

Reika sat up. Then she turned and stared at Tenten.

"Who was that you were imitating just now, Tenten?"

"Eh?"

Reika smiled, dabbing her tears away with a tissue, "Your entire way of speaking changed. You were copying someone very specific when you were trying to cheer me up. And it's obviously someone you admire and look up to. Who is it?"

Tenten was impressed. Reika had been able to gather information and make rather accurate deductions while lying face down and seemingly self-absorbed in her own misery. No need for genjutsu, just emotional manipulation. Not bad for a civilian.

"Ah. That would be my sensei, Maito Gai. He's a powerful shinobi and the greatest man I know," she answered. There was no reason to keep Gai's identity a secret. His name was renowned among ninja, living and dead alike.

"Oh?" Reika was intrigued, "But he's not your boss, the one who sent you to guard me?"

"You mean the Hokage, Hatake Kakashi," Tenten controlled her expression. She would reserve her opinion about that man, and this absurd mission he had assigned, for her own private rantings to friends when she got back to Konoha. "He's the leader of Konoha, where I come from. Yes, Gai is my sensei, and Kakashi-sama, the Rokudaime Hokage, is Gai's eternal rival."

"You mean like they're in a power struggle for control over the village?"

"Oh no," Tenten waved away the suggestion of politics, "They just like to challenge each other a lot to nonsensical games and contests like racing and ping pong and janken and keep track of who wins. They've been at it since they were children."

Reika stared at her. Tenten stared back. Then, they both gave unladylike snorts of laughter.

"So," Reika clarified as she tried to rein in her amusement, "The leader of your powerful ninja village and the greatest man you know are just two little boys who have been one-upping each other all their lives?"

"When you say it like that…" Tenten tried to stay professional, "It's not as impressive as it should be. You have to believe me. They're really great ninja. They were pivotal in the shinobi war that saved the entire world."

"Okay then," Reika schooled her features, then gave Tenten a very serious nod of affirmation. "They're basically renowned heroes, but also lifelong rivals who have been competing in silly contests that having nothing to do with their actual skills and talents. So, for example, it would be like if I, a professional actress, were to challenge you, an honest-to-goodness ninja, to a staring contest… right… Now!"

She stared.

Tenten stared.

They kept staring.

Seconds ticked by.

Reika's eyes were intense.

Tenten began to get a strange feeling.

Her vision wavered, and the faint image of bushy brows started to superimpose themselves on the client's beautiful face.

Tenten experienced a sudden flashback of when Gai had thrust out his hand for their team to all lay their palms atop his for a group cheer.

It was a group cheer no one had wanted to participate in, except for Lee. There had been an audience. She hadn't minded as much back then, but now, looking back, two of those audience members were now the current Hokage and future Hokage, respectively. Not to mention Tsunade's chosen apprentice, Sakura, who was Tenten's friend and had looked at her with great sympathy, making sure never to bring it up afterwards in order for Tenten not to relive the embarrassment. To top it off, there had been an eminent elder ninja from Suna who had been forced to witness that scene as one of her last memories before giving her life to save the Kazekage.

It had been a long time ago, and Tenten had buried the recollection deep, deep beneath her psyche. But now, Reika was looking at her with the same expression that her sensei had used on each member of Team Gai at that time.

She repressed a shudder.

Keep it together, Tenten!

She was a soldier of Konoha, the most formidable and influential ninja village in the world. Reika was a mere civilian!

A suspicion arose in her mind. Had a life spent in theater and film given this woman some form of advantage in passionate, youthful eye contact?!

Ridiculous! Tenten even knew how to fight Uchihas and Hyuugas, with their special bloodline eye techniques passed down from generation to generation. She had been trained to counteract all forms of doujutsu by Gai himself, a man that the infamous Madara Uchiha had acknowledged as a worthy opponent during the Fourth Shinobi War.

Reika started to make the most unimaginable expressions.

Tenten's eyes began to water.

But she held fast. Tenten - kunoichi; Reika - civilian. It should be no contest.

Reika grinned. Her teeth glinted pearlescent white.

The resemblance to her sensei's smile was even more uncanny than the stare.

It felt to Tenten like the woman was preparing for some final attack. Tenten fervently hoped Reika would not give her a thumbs up sign. That would be too much.

Then... Reika switched expressions completely... and pulled a Yamato-Face of Doom.

Tenten broke.

Outside, Tenten listened to the burst of laughter coming from within the trailer. Her clone and the client seemed to be getting along.

It wasn't a bad mission, really.

Filming was set for five months. By the second month, Tenten had memorized the entire script of Icha Icha and was helping the actress rehearse her lines.

By the third month, Reika was learning the importance of accuracy from Tenten when hitting a male assailant where it would instantly incapacitate him. They spent hours striking a practice dummy at just the precise spot, and Reika's more obsessive admirers began to back off after Tenten deliberately allowed them to creep somewhere close enough to spy on the actress. Whenever she would detect a peeping tom skulking about, Tenten would stage practice sessions where she taught Reika self-defense methods that specifically involved speedy emasculation. Her client was a quick study and liked how the workouts were giving her curvy figure a firm tone that still jiggled and bounced pleasingly in all the right places.

"Why do they need to take pictures of their private parts and send them to you?"

Tenten was sifting through the fan mail for security threats and was appalled at the amount of lewd pictures a pretty actress regularly received from total strangers.

"I'm not really sure," Reika grimaced, tossing most of them in the trash. A few, she looked at critically. "They have nothing else of interest to show, maybe?"

"Sad," Tenten commented. "What's caught your eye about that one?"

Reika gave Tenten a fiendish grin, handing it over, "Send this to your Hokage, with your report."

"Uh, no."

"Why not? It's proof of what you're guarding me so well against."

"I'm guarding you against dirty pictures?" Tenten flicked the photo into the air then tossed a kunai at it. The picture zinged out the open window of the trailer, and hit the bullseye on a target Tenten had set up against a tree around twenty feet away. The tip of the blade pinned the photo at the exact portion of the anatomy, of course, that would have caused the most damage to the harasser in real life.

"You're guarding me against not only physical threats, but psychological damage. You're the best bodyguard I've ever had, Tenten. You're not just my security, you're my emotional support."

Tenten tilted her head, considering. The pictures really were quite scandalous.

"All right. Choose another photo I can send," she grinned at Reika. "On second thought, pick ten."

The Sixth Hokage worked extra hard on days that Tenten's reports came in. He worked well into the night, until Shizune finally left him alone, satisfied that he had completed the most pressing work for the time being.

Meanwhile, Nara Shikamaru, adviser-in-training to the next Hokage, left extra early on the days he noticed Kakashi working extra hard. Great minds thought alike.

Then, when he was sure no one was around, Kakashi would open the sealed envelope that contained pages filled with Tenten's neat handwriting faithfully describing in meticulous detail every second of every day she was spending guarding the actress on the set of the new Icha Icha movie. Just as he had ordered.

Ah. Icha Icha.

With the death of Jiraiya, the hope of any more new novels in the series Kakashi so enjoyed had died with him.

The entire ninja world was still recovering from the upheaval a few years back from the Fourth Shinobi War. He had been very busy since taking on the reins of Hokage.

But heavens, he missed Icha Icha.

Naruto had created lasting truces among the ninja villages. There was much less strife. So Kakashi was focused on renewal and development. The missions he sent people on now had more to do with peace than with war.

And then there were the fun missions. He liked to call them that. Fun for him, anyway. Shinobi complained that they were somewhat inane, but Kakashi sent them out anyway.

Nara Shikamaru would smirk and immediately see the strategic value of what appeared to be a throwaway mission. During peace time, logistics and administration as well as foreign relations and economy took the forefront of a leader's focus. Missions that appeared to have nothing to do with the safety of the village, but ensured that the world at large could develop and flourish, had intangible but real value to the future of Konoha.

Thus, the current head of the Nara clan, who had an IQ measured at over 200, would usually be in agreement with the current Hokage, who had an undisclosed IQ according to the databooks, but was also hailed as the genius of his generation.

For this mission though… which was, in Kakashi's opinion, the most fun mission ever, Shikamaru had seen zero value in it.

Oh well. It made Kakashi happy. Tenten's diatribes disguised as mission reports always amused him.

The reports would start off very dry, as if she was aware of the pleasure it gave him to read about anything to do with Icha Icha and was determined to make it as boring for him as possible, but then she would eventually start venting in her reports about how infuriating it was to have to see a scene re-shot eighteen times because the male lead was just a pretty face but had nothing upstairs, while the actress she was guarding had her part down word-perfect and would nail each and every take with exquisite timing and delivery. Tenten obviously rooted for her client.

Kakashi would mouth the lines of the male lead from memory and imagine how much better it would have been if he were there to help the director.

It wasn't a new Icha Icha book, but it was a good way to reminisce and look forward to the movie version of a well-loved novel. Kakashi fondly read through the reports numerous times, identifying scenes from the book that were coming to life during production.

If only he weren't Hokage. He would have been on the set, that very moment. As a production assistant, a bodyguard, any job they would have given him. For now, all he could do was live vicariously through Tenten's detailed accounts.

Tenten usually used plain blank parchment for her missives, but this report was written on a flowery stationery that decorated the margins with beautiful lotus blossoms. It was nice. Kind of like she was writing a personal message to him.

He came across a page with a seal inscribed. He would have missed it, if not for his attention to every minutiae that he could possibly extract from the report. It was almost as if she were trying to hide the seal within the floral design, challenging him to exert some effort as well in completing this pointless mission.

Kakashi was pretty good at seals. Modesty aside, he was pretty good at everything. Scratch that, he was amazing.

Arrogance? There had been a time. Now, he was just happy to be alive. Being simply amazing paled in the face of trying to defeat an actual alien from outer space, numerous undead former Kages, and the most powerful Uchiha to ever exist during the Fourth Shinobi war. Good thing his cute little students had been around to help. And Gai, of course.

Kakashi pondered asking Gai about the seal. The Green Beast of Konoha was Tenten's sensei after all. But Tenten had gotten pretty advanced in fuinjutsu already. Her skills had probably surpassed Gai's by now.

There must be something quite important for her to use such a complex seal in this report.

Kakashi was determined to figure out this seal, no matter what.

He couldn't decode it.

Even as Kakashi reasoned to himself that he was probably just tired and had too much to do as Hokage, it grated on him that a subordinate would taunt him in this manner. Didn't she know how lucky she was to be witnessing history in the making by being on the set of the third Icha Icha film?

He brought the conundrum to Yamato for help. Not because the Wood Release user was any better than Kakashi at decoding seals, but because he was the only one Kakashi could talk to about a mysterious seal hidden within a document about a rather lurid movie based on a trashy romance novel. He was not going to humiliate himself in front of Shikamaru again.

"Senpai, this is…" Yamato tried not to look judgmental but he was judging. Oh, was he judging.

"Look, I just need to know what this seal contains. It will destroy the page if I forcibly shatter it and I need the report intact for my… personal records."

Yamato sighed. "Let's take a look."

Sometime later, the screams of two men could be heard from the Hokage Tower.

Kakashi would not be keeping the report for his personal records.

Reika whistled appreciatively as Tenten stepped out in the dress that had taken days of wheedling for the kunoichi to put on.

"You look amazing!"

"I guess," Tenten once again had to admit the actress had an eye for cute looks. The qipao with red trimmings and pink flame pattern was gorgeous. It was rather short for Tenten's taste, though, and felt a little drafty between her legs, "Where's the rest of it?"

"You could wear fishnet stockings! And stiletto heels!" Reika was clearly a proponent of style over comfort.

Tenten wondered how many opponents she could defeat by stunning them with sexy attire. Probably not a lot. She wasn't even half as voluptuous as the girls Naruto created for his perverted Sexy No Jutsu technique, and her admiration of the Fifth Hokage, Lady Tsunade, did not extend to wanting to copy the Legendary Sannin's legendary… assets.

She was already regretting her promise to Reika that she would try to be more adventurous in her outfits, but decided to roll with the punches. Growing up, she'd used compression wraps on her hips under her hakama, which helped prevent injuries from the grueling taijutsu drills she practiced every morning. If she was going to switch up her look, she would consider the added protection of mesh armor layered on top since her legs were going to be exposed. Wearing stiletto heels was a no-go as well. Boots, perhaps.

She kept her plans to herself as Reika fussed over her hair again, remarking what a shame it was that Tenten never let it down, and suggesting all sorts of alternative styles.

Tenten knew they would eventually arrive at a compromise that was both comely and practical, as long as she held her ground. Reika pushed when she could, but was quite adaptable when met with unyielding resistance. A trait necessary for both ninja and actors to be successful, it seemed.

A messenger bird perched on the window, and from it, Tenten retrieved a short missive from Konoha. She recognized the familiar handwriting of her sensei.

"Dear Tenten,

Kakashi tells me your latest report was very rude. He was quite irate. He told me he would even have to undergo genjutsu to erase the memory of it from his mind.

I think he has sent you on an extremely inappropriate mission. I believe any action you took was justified. Anyway, I also think he was exaggerating about the genjutsu.

Take care, my worthy student. I am proud of you always,

Gai."

Tenten bit her lip, trying not to cackle. Had Kakashi just tattled to Gai like a kid running to a grown-up about a prank? And had he really expected Gai to react in any other way than to take her side?

Reika was looking at her curiously. Tenten showed her the note.

Reika laughed and laughed. Then she gave Tenten an impish side-eye.

"Are you in love with your sensei?"

"Huh?" she blinked, "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"It's just- you talk about him all the time."

"Heh. You think I talk about him. You haven't met Lee, his favorite student."

"Oh, favoritism. So you're the jealous neglected child, are you?"

"Never, never neglected." Tenten was emphatic. She tucked the letter into her obi, close to her heart. "I don't know anyone as consistently positive and encouraging as he is. When I told you he was strong, it wasn't just in terms of fighting ability. Mentally and emotionally, he's really, really tough as well."

"I want to meet him."

"Uh… no." Tenten was once again startled at Reika's outlandish proposal.

"You've talked about him so much, I have to meet him."

"Meet him, to do what?"

"Tell him how impressed I am with the way you were taught and became the kunoichi you are now."

Tenten beamed. Then raised an eyebrow. "And then?"

"Never you mind your pretty little head, my dear. It's up to us if we hit it off."

"Hit it off?! You want to date my sensei?"

"Well, he sounds so wonderful."

"He IS wonderful! He's the best!" Tenten nodded. Then grinned at Reika, "You, on the other hand…"

"Excuse me?!"

"I'm kidding. You're lovely. But I don't know if you've got what it takes to keep up with the Green Beast of Konoha."

"The… Green Beast…?"

"What is this?" Gai took the leaf-colored envelope from his student.

Tenten had just returned from her latest mission and Gai was a little surprised with her change of outfit. Even her hair was arranged differently.

His eyes narrowed. Tenten was already naturally good-looking, as Gai knew every member of his team was, but her current appearance would garner her much more attention now. He foresaw many a lovelorn swain attempting to win her affections in the near future.

He and Lee had already agreed between themselves that any suitor who sought to court their female team mate would have to be extremely impressive to be worthy of her heart.

"Open it," Tenten said. She looked nervous, but determined.

It was good to see her not forcing a happy face for him. Gai didn't hide his own relieved smile.

Tenten had been the strong one when the fourth member of their team had died in the war.

Gai and Lee had bawled their eyes out, and all she had done was comfort them, then berate them when they went over the top. She had been the one closest to Neji, but she was also the most reserved in her grief.

Gai let her know she could talk to him anytime. She'd thanked him, but never took him up on the offer.

Perhaps she didn't want to burden him, what with him permanently losing the use of his right leg and all.

Much had happened. Everyone was doing their best to cope.

Today was the first time she'd shown him such an open expression. Her pre-war face, so to speak.

Gai slid the flap open on the envelope, already grateful for whatever it contained, if it could make Tenten display a little vulnerability once again.

He was greeted with feminine handwriting, and caught the delicate fragrance of daffodils rising from the stationery. His eyes got bigger and bigger, and his jaw eventually dropped open.

"Tenten. This is…" he turned the envelope over. A small photo fell out and he caught it, then gasped.

The most beautiful woman in the world smiled at him from the picture. And her letter had said that she wanted to get to know him.

"Reika, the star of the upcoming third Icha Icha movie!"

"Sorry to tell you, Gai-sensei, but the movie's been axed. Funding fell through after the male lead quit. I think they've found a replacement for the actor, but Reika's already made other commitments," Tenten said. The client had said she wanted to try her hand at action films this time. She was already shortlisted as the lead actress for the next 008 spy film.

Tenten allowed herself a tiny smile as her sensei barely even listened to her, already launching into three-limbed somersaults around the training field. After ten rounds and endless yodels of "Yooooosh!" and "Yahoooooo!" Gai landed back in his wheelchair, huffing and puffing more from excitement than any exertion. That stunt was nothing to him.

He suddenly turned somber and looked at her, "Did you tell her about my being in a wheelchair?"

Tenten nodded. "I told her everything I could, Gai-sensei. I kind of talked you up. A lot."

Gai visibly blushed. Then he preened.

"Well. Hehe. Thank you Tenten. I don't know if I should contact her. She is a civilian and I am a shinobi…"

"Just like the couple in the fifth Icha Icha book," Tenten rolled her eyes. It was a wonder it had taken Jiraiya that long to write about such a relationship. Earlier books had been spicy, but not shinobi-level spicy. Bedroom activities could get very interesting when jutsus came into play. Not to mention the level of stamina someone like Gai could maintain.

Jiraiya had probably planned it out that way, to guarantee steadily increasing sales. Escalation in titillation, or something of that sort.

Gai looked awkward, "I am not sure how I should take your reading those novels, but I suppose you are old enough."

"Yeah, not to mention I was just sent on a mission where they enact the actual scenes from the book," Tenten said, "But I agree it might not be something we should be discussing with each other, sensei. Anyway, you'll write her?"

Gai gave his patented thumbs up and blinding grin. "Why not? One must seize every chance to fully-embrace one's youth."

Tenten grinned back. "And you'll be gentle?"

Gai went beet red, spluttering. "Tenten!"

His student really was growing up.

~Years later~

Uzumaki Naruto, now the Hokage, as he had always dreamed of becoming, was spring cleaning his office.

Or at least, that was his excuse. Anything to dispose of the piles of documents that had accumulated on his table and cluttered up the drawers and shelves all around him.

He'd cleared out the immediate vicinity of his desk and was now attacking the farther corners of his office, which were stacked floor to ceiling with records.

He was tired all the time, given that he was sending out clones non-stop as his eyes and ears for the village. He might be the host of the Nine-tailed Demon Fox, who gave him the chakra to form hundreds of clones as opposed to normal shinobi who could muster only one or two at most, but even he had his limitations. So he was decluttering the way most people did, by precariously balancing on top of objects and holding on to shelves while reaching for items to inspect and decide what to do with them.

"Hmmm, this was during Kakashi-sensei's time," he tossed papers that hadn't been touched for over a year into a pile on the floor for surreptitiously sealing them away later where they couldn't be found. If the previous Hokages didn't consider them urgent, neither would he, "Granny Tsunade's time… whoa, this goes back to when the Third Hokage was around…. ugh… so much backlog… hmmm?"

On one shelf, he saw an envelope that seemed to have been hastily shoved between two books, and Naruto could just make out the word 'Icha' on the upper right corner that was sticking out between the volumes. Kakashi's obsession with the novels was well-known, but this looked like a mission report.

What mission could possibly have to do with the Icha Icha series? Had Jiraiya, his pervy sensei, may his soul rest in peace, left more secret messages to decode after his death? Naruto plucked at the corner of the envelope, and tried to ease it out from between the books, towards him.

The pile of records he was standing on suddenly wobbled, and Naruto flailed his arms, inadvertently tugging the envelope too sharply from where it was wedged.

It turned out he had taken hold of the wrong end, and as Naruto lost his balance and crashed to the floor, the envelope's flap fell open and a stack of papers, together with numerous photographs, scattered into the air.

Sai entered the Hokage's office to deliver his regular report as ANBU captain. He took in the sight of the utter mess of an office and Naruto groaning from the floor. A normal day, it seemed.

A glossy photograph near his foot caught his eye, and the former ROOT member bent down to pick it up, as the Seventh Hokage likewise gathered some of the pictures and pages to find out what the mysterious envelope contained.

Simultaneous with Naruto's squawk of horror, Sai grinned, holding up the photograph,

"Comparing the size of your genitals to others again, Naruto? How nostalgic."

-End-

Author's Notes: O'ficcy's challenge was for writers to 'Show me the flower'. And I had to respond: How could I not show you Gai? He is truly a flower amongst men.

For anyone who wants to rewatch that epic Team Gai cheer for old times' sake, there's a clip on Youtube called 'Naruto Shippuuden Funny Gai Cheer for Victory! Shippuuden 18'. Hope you enjoyed.