A/N: Chapter title inspired by the song "Love Only Knows" by Josh Groban.

Chapter 5: Love Only Knows

Arriving in Alderaan was like stepping back into a memory.

She decided to take the long way through town on her way to her new apartment. Nothing had changed in the years she'd been gone. The downtown area was still quaint and bustling; the shops and restaurants were all the same. The Shaggy Dog was still there, and behind it, she could see the tops of the buildings on Chandrila's campus rising above the trees. Among them were the old dormitories where she'd spent so much time, brightly-colored banners and window AC units visible even at this distance.

Her heart gave a little squeeze at all the memories she'd made there. All the friendships she'd formed, all the fun she'd had. She wished she could step back in time, just for a moment, and see everyone again.

She'd managed the impossible when she'd found a little flat above one of the shops at the end of the strip. It was a major step up from the apartment she'd rented during PA school, but her resident salary more than covered the expense. She picked up her keys, met the movers out back, and by evening, she was unpacking the last of the boxes. She had a month before her residency started, but she wanted everything in its place as quickly as possible. She was ready to be settled again.

Closing the cabinet door, she turned and planted her fists on her hips to survey the place.

Yes. She would be happy here.

…

She spent the next few days ensuring all her utilities had transferred. She set up her internet router and modem, and was able to stream Netflix that evening while she ate her Chinese takeout.

The next day, she went grocery shopping. She was just putting the shopping bags on the kitchen counter when her phone trilled with an incoming text. She picked it up, and gasped at the name on the screen.

It was Rose Tico. Hey! Are you back in Alderaan?

Grinning broadly, Rey opened the message and replied. Yes! I'm doing my residency at ARH. Are you in town?

Rose's response came quickly. Yep, I'm still here! I thought I saw you a bit ago, but I couldn't get your attention. We need to catch up! Coffee tomorrow afternoon?

I'll be there!

…

Rose greeted her with a hug. "Oh, it's so good to see you!"

Rey squeezed her friend in return. "You, too, Rose. It's been too long."

They sat in a pair of armchairs. "So how have you been?" Rey asked, leaning forward and propping her elbow on her knee. "Are you still with Finn?"

"I'm well! Yes, I'm still with Finn. He's away at training at the moment. We've talked about getting married, you know, but it's a bit hard to plan it with him being gone for so long at a time. But I suppose we'll get around to it once he comes home."

Rey smiled. "I'm happy for you. I'm sorry it's been difficult, but it'll be well worth the wait. You guys are perfect together." She took a sip of her coffee. "Do you ever hear from anyone else from Chandrila?"

Rose shrugged. "Poe visits when he's on break from flight school, but that isn't very often. He's still with Kaydel; she and I speak once in a while. But Ben fell off the face of the earth after he started dating Tallie again. I haven't heard from him since we graduated. Tallie used to check in with Kaydel every so often, but I haven't heard anything about her in ages, either."

Rey frowned.

"How about you?" Rose asked. "How have you been?"

Rey shrugged with a little laugh. "It's, ah… it's been a whirlwind." She told Rose about her years in PA school, and securing the residency at the local hospital. She also told her about Armitage and Phasma, and about her failed engagement.

"That wasn't all that long ago," Rose realized aloud.

"No," Rey agreed.

"Are you okay?"

At length, she nodded. "I wasn't in the beginning, but… I am now. I loved him, of course; I wouldn't have agreed to marry him if I didn't. But looking back, I don't think I was ever in love with him. And I highly doubt he was ever in love with me." She shrugged. "We would've eventually driven each other crazy. I'm better off without him."

"God, Rey. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you realized it now, though, instead of after you married him!"

"Me too." She took another sip of her coffee, then swirled the remains around the bottom of the mug. "I miss Ben," she confided quietly.

Rose studied her in silence as she gathered her thoughts.

"Being back in Alderaan reminds me of him." She shook her head. "I hate so much that we lost touch. It doesn't feel right, not having him in my life." She gave Rose a tentative smile. "We reconnected at the end of undergrad, you know. He helped me move to Coruscant. We even hung out a couple times. But then… I got busy, and we lost touch."

"I remember him helping you move," Rose said quietly. "You always liked Ben, didn't you?"

Rey nodded. "Yes. Ben… Ben was special. He and I had this connection. We were in tune—something Armie and I never were. But…" She sighed, and smoothed a hand over her hair. Everything was spilling out, now.

"I got busy with school," she recollected. "I was overwhelmed, and so stressed out. Beyond stressed out. I didn't have anything left in me to give to anything except school. So, I stopped talking to him. And I think it hurt him, because eventually he stopped talking to me, too. I feel like I always ended up hurting him. He deserved so much better than that." She bit her lip and shook her head. "I can't blame him for going back to Tallie. I don't understand it, but I can't blame him for it."

"I don't understand it either." Rose sighed. "He liked you a lot, Rey. But it always seemed like the timing was never right. It was heartbreaking to watch the two of you dance around each other in undergrad, almost figuring it out only to spin away from each other again. I wanted to say something several times, but I was afraid it wouldn't do any good. Some things you just have to figure out for yourself."

"You're right," Rey agreed. "I just wish I'd figured it out sooner." Her gaze dropped to the mug in her hands. "I really screwed up," she admitted. "And I wish, more than anything, that I could go back and change the choices I made. But I can't."

"No, you can't," Rose agreed gently. "All you can do is move forward from here."

…

And that was exactly what Rey endeavored to do. When her residency started, she threw herself into her work. She prepared thoroughly for her patients, discussed cases with her attendings, and made sure to spend time with her co-residents. One girl even offered to set Rey up with an old friend of hers, upon learning that Rey was single.

Rey saw the man a few times before things fizzled out. He was nice enough, albeit sometimes more passionate than Rey could handle, but… something was still lacking.

"At least you put yourself back out there," Rose told her at one of their regular coffee meets. "That takes a lot of courage after what you've been through."

Rey privately thought it hadn't been too hard to break up with the man after the third time he'd tried to shove his tongue down her throat despite every indication that she didn't want him to, but she supposed there was still a certain bravery required to face the risk of rejection in the infamous dating world.

The rest of her residency continued in much the same vein. By the time winter melted into spring, Rey was feeling much more comfortable in her day-to-day work. With only a few months left in the year-long program, she started searching for private practice positions, hoping she would be able to find something in the nearby area. Alderaan was home to her, and she really didn't want to leave again.

She was scrolling through the job listings yet again when a new posting caught her attention. She read the description, re-read it, then quickly opened the application.

"Rose, you're not going to believe this," she said as she carried her coffee to the table the next day.

"What?"

"Chandrila has an opening for a PA in their student health center. And it sounds perfect. I'm talking about an increase in pay, state benefits… I could even walk to work from my apartment."

"I take it you applied?"

"Yes. I'm hoping for a call by the end of the week. Keep your fingers crossed for me!"

As it turned out, she did get a call. She was interviewed, and by the end of the month, she had the job. She and Rose celebrated at her apartment that weekend with pizza and wine.

With her residency complete, Rey was scheduled to begin working at Chandrila almost immediately. That Monday morning, with her new scrubs neatly pressed and her coffee thermos in hand, she crossed the street and went down the block to the college entrance.

Walking onto campus for the first time in four years brought with it an odd mixture of emotions. In many ways, it felt like coming home, but at the same time, it carried with it a distinct feeling of not belonging, like her time had passed and her home was somewhere else. Looking around, she realized why: Her family was no longer here. Rose was working in town. Poe and Finn had gone off to training. And Ben… Ben was gone.

Biting her lip, she forced the thoughts out of her head. She did belong here, and as the student health center came into view, she began to smile. Yes, this was where she was meant to be.

The receptionist showed Rey to her new office, where she quickly settled in and finished filling out her paperwork. She said hello to the familiar faces she'd met during her interview, and introduced herself to the people she didn't recognize.

The next day, she started seeing patients. Being only a few years removed from the primary demographic of patients, Rey was able to connect with the students very quickly. It was rewarding work, and she enjoyed it very much.

Her schedule picked up when the summer term kids were rejoined by the students returning for the fall term. The nurses kept Rey hopping from room to room, briefing her of chief complaints and vitals on the way. Rey loved it.

Fall break was upon them before she realized it, and the campus grew quiet once more. Stepping out of the office that Monday evening, Rey waved goodbye to the receptionist and headed back across campus.

The sun was still plenty high in the sky, though the air was turning golden and the shadows were beginning to stretch across the ground. On a whim, Rey decided not to hurry home, and hoisted her satchel strap higher on her shoulder as she turned down a different brick path. On such a pleasant evening, taking the scenic route was in order.

She strolled along the paths, looking around at the brick buildings and the manicured commons and the tall shade trees, recalling the times she'd walked along these same routes to her lectures. The library was up ahead, and with a mental shrug, she climbed the steps and went inside.

The air was still cool, with that curiously muffled quality that all libraries seem to possess. She walked by the tables and passed through the stacks, remembering the long afternoons and evenings she'd spent studying here with her friends from the biology department. Those interminable days had paid off, she thought with a smile.

The cafeteria was next on her impromptu tour. A few students who had stayed on campus over break were getting dinner as she walked through. One or two waved at her across the room, and she waved back. As she made her way through the cafeteria, she went past the tables where she used to sit with her own friends. Two of them were pushed together, almost as if the group had just gotten up to go to their next class. She wondered how Poe and Finn were doing in training.

Stepping out of the cafeteria, Rey spotted the engineering building in the distance. Her steps slowed, and she sighed. She could see the courtyard from here, where so often she'd met her friends after class. That had been the highlight of so many of her days, coming around that corner after a particularly hard biology exam to see them all waiting for her before they went to lunch. But now, all she could see when she looked at that courtyard was the time she'd come around to see Tallie standing by Ben's side. The way he'd seen Rey approaching, and had looked away. She bit her lip at the recollection. It had been the beginning of their downfall, and she'd been too blind to see it happening.

On that note, there was one more place she wanted to visit before going home. With the sun sinking lower on the horizon, she made her way toward the heart of campus.

There, across the courtyard, was the chapel.

Rey let herself inside and took a slow, deep breath. The musty sweet scent of yellowed hymnals and aged wood filled her lungs, bringing with it a sense of stillness and belonging. This place had been a safe haven to her through some rough years. She closed her eyes and let her breath out in a slow sigh, then opened her eyes again and walked to the front of the sanctuary.

Dropping her satchel beside the bench, she seated herself and opened the piano cover. For a moment, she just looked at it. She ran her fingers over the worn keys, remembering watching Luke play at this very instrument, recalling the lessons he'd taught her and all the times she'd come to play after that. She'd lost touch with Luke over the years, although she wasn't sure whether he would be glad of that or not. Probably so, the old grump. She snorted with wry affection.

She placed her fingers in position and began to play. She had no particular song in mind, and instead simply played, letting her fingers move as they pleased. Music filled the sanctuary, and Rey felt some of her dysphoria ease.

She lost track of time as she lost herself in her catharsis, only looking up when she realized it was growing dark outside. She glanced at her watch, and was surprised at how late it had gotten. She really did need to go. She had her keyboard at home if she still felt like playing, even if it sounded nowhere near as good as this beautiful instrument.

"I didn't know you played piano."

The unexpected voice echoed in the silence, startling her up from the piano bench. Heart in her throat, she spun to see who had spoken, and came up short.

"Ben?" she whispered.

For a moment, she wondered if he was merely an illusion brought about by her earlier reminiscing. He was seated in the first pew, slack-clad legs extended and crossed at the ankles above polished loafers, hands folded over the stomach of his collared button-down shirt. He was broader now, having put some muscle on his slender frame, and his hair was trimmed a bit shorter, although it was still long enough to cover his ears. He looked good.

He was watching her impassively, giving no indication of how long he'd been sitting there listening. She remained frozen by the piano, with no idea of what to do or say.

"Forgive me," he spoke again, dark gaze dropping to his hands. "I didn't mean to startle you."

She studied him warily, still not quite believing her eyes. "What are you doing here?" she finally managed.

He shrugged. "I was in the neighborhood. Decided to come by." He gestured with his chin. "My uncle taught me to play piano, you know."

"I know."

He nodded, almost to himself. "How are you, Rey?" he asked, finally meeting her gaze.

She shrugged. "I'm… fine." Casting about for something else to say, she offered, "I graduated from PA school. I work at the student health center now."

"Ah."

"And you?"

"I'll be finishing up my PhD soon. The department has been talking about bringing me on as faculty after I finish."

"Oh. Well, that would be good. The school's benefits are pretty nice."

"Yes, that's true." He glanced up at her again. Her breath caught in her throat as his dark eyes held hers unblinkingly.

Neither spoke for a long moment.

"Well," he said at length. "I guess I should be going." He pushed to his feet and gave her a quick, tight smile.

Something within her fell. This was it, wasn't it? The last time she would ever see him. Her chest constricted, and as he rounded the end of the pew, every step taking him further away from her, she made one last, desperate effort to find her voice.

"It was good to see you, Ben," she said softly. And then, almost subconsciously, she whispered, "I've missed you."

He was already several strides down the aisle, but at her words, he slowed to a stop. Every second took an eternity as he turned back to face her. Something had changed in his expression. He looked sharper somehow, but not angry…

He looked focused.

"What?" he murmured. His soft voice held the honed precision of a scalpel, and she knew very well he'd heard her.

"I've missed you," she repeated anyway, and gave him a sheepish smile as she blinked back sudden tears. "A lot, actually. Things never felt right after we stopped talking."

He leaned a hip against the nearest pew, slipping his hands into his pockets as he regarded her keenly. "No, they didn't," he agreed.

She slipped the piano cover back into place and picked up her satchel, stepping down from the altar to stand across the aisle from him. She leaned against the opposite pew and looked up at him, taking in his flat brow and firm mouth. He was impenetrable. She had no idea of what her reception might be, but if this was the last opportunity she'd ever have to speak to him, she had to tell him. She had to say it.

"I'm sorry, Ben," she whispered. "I'm sorry for hurting you. You deserved better than that. You deserve… the best." She smiled wistfully. "I'm glad you've found happiness. Truly. And I wish you all the best."

He studied her silently, and after a while, she began to grow concerned. Had she really hurt him so badly that, even years later, he was still so angry that he could hardly speak to her? His fathomless dark eyes bored into her, and the weight of his gaze made her want to cringe away and sink into the floor.

Eventually he took a breath to speak again, and she braced herself.

"I didn't marry Tallie, Rey."

Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes shot up to meet his. Unable to speak, she waited for his next words.

"I thought I would," he continued. "We were engaged for two years before I realized it wasn't going to work. We're too different. She saw it too, even if she didn't want to admit it. She tried to make it work; she really tried. But we talked about it, and eventually decided to call it off." He shrugged. "She started seeing someone else shortly after. I'm pretty sure they got married a few months ago."

"I'm sorry," Rey said, remembering her own broken engagement. No matter how poor the circumstances, those shattered promises and abandoned dreams still hurt. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Ben looked thoughtful. "Yeah, I'm okay," he finally said. "It hurt at first, but not like I thought it would. Mostly, I just felt… relieved."

She frowned. That hadn't been the answer she'd expected. "Why?"

He sighed, and met her gaze. "Because Tallie was never the one for me," he said softly.

Rey sucked in a breath. He was still watching her guardedly, but now she could see the uncertainty in the line between his brows, the vulnerability in the press of his lips. Was he as nervous as she was?

Did he mean what she thought he meant?

She gripped the pew behind her for strength, fearing that her knees might give out at any moment. "Ben?" she breathed.

"Yes, Rey?" he replied, equally softly.

She took a steadying breath and moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. Her words came out in a whisper. "Has… has our chance passed? Our chance to see where things go?"

He watched her carefully. "No." His voice was nearly hoarse. "Not if you still want to try."

"I do. I do want to try."

His stoic facade relaxed fractionally, and he gave her a quick, wobbly smile. "So do I."

They stood in shocked silence, separated only by a couple feet as they looked at one another. Was it really as simple as that? After all these years, after so much hurt and miscalculation and passing like two ships in the night, had they finally stumbled upon the truth of the matter? But there was still so much to talk about. So much to figure out. Rey had no idea where to begin.

"Where do we go from here?" she asked softly.

He frowned thoughtfully, then checked his watch. "Dinner?"

She could hardly believe it. This was really happening. "Okay."

"Shaggy Dog?"

A soft laugh huffed out of her. "Okay."

He turned to extend his elbow, and she looped her arm through his, reveling in the feel of his shirtsleeve under her hand, the warm firmness of his arm against her side. He was really here.

They walked out of the chapel together, but he paused on the top step. The night had grown dark, and the streetlights had come on, illuminating the campus in an otherworldly glow.

"Rey?"

She looked up at him, noting the way the lights threw his features into sharp contrast. "Yes, Ben?"

He cocked a brow at her. "Would it be okay if I kissed you now?"

She grinned. "Yeah."

He shot her a lopsided smirk, but then he grew serious. Her arm fell out of his as he turned to face her. His lips were drawn into a tight line, and beneath his furrowed brow, his eyes were on fire.

"Are you sure?" he murmured. There was a husky edge to his tone.

"Yes," she whispered.

One arm wrapped around her waist, gently drawing her flush against him. His other hand came up to cradle the back of her head. And then he paused, gazing down at her.

Waiting.

She laid her palms against his chest. "Ben?"

He smiled. It was an incredibly sweet expression, and in that moment, he transformed back into the boy she'd known and loved during undergrad.

And then he lowered his lips to hers.

It was as if she'd never felt warmth before, or softness, or hardness, or weakness or strength. Only now did she learn the true definitions of those terms. He rewrote everything for her in that moment, and if it hadn't been for his arms holding her up, she was certain her knees would've buckled out from underneath her.

She curled her arms around his neck as he crushed her body against his. The scratch of his five o'clock shadow was in sharp contrast with the softness of his lips on hers. Years of pent-up feelings roiled beneath the surface, wanting, needing, to be shared. But they wouldn't all fit into a single kiss. Oh, no. This would take time. Years.

Ben broke off the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers, sucking in deep lungfuls of air. Her own breath sounded loud in her ears.

Suddenly, he huffed a laugh. "So. Dinner?"

She giggled. "Yes."

He pulled back enough to smile down at her. "Let's go."

His hand dropped to hers, and she linked her fingers through his. He led her down the steps and away from the chapel, through the evening air and illuminated pathways of their alma mater, across the street to The Shaggy Dog.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Drop a review if you feel so inclined—I love to hear what you think. :D

The second installment in the Anakin's Interventions trilogy is underway! I'm tentatively calling it How To Win A War (i.e., By Saving What We Love). It's still gonna be a while before it's finished, but I wanted to give a brief update! I also have another modern Reylo story underway (couldn't be helped; it just happened), and I'm dividing my time between those two stories and my original work. I may be the world's slowest writer, but eventually I'll get it done.

Until then, happy reading!