Hey!
First of all, I'm a non-native English speaker, so there might be some mistakes!
This chapter contains elements from One Piece's chapter 1081, if you haven't reached it yet, I advise you not to read the fic!
Yet again a Buggy loving fic, and a Shanks slander one. It's not my fault if they seem to go hand in hand!
Enjoy!
For no clear reason, Buggy felt blue. Mihawk didn't need to be told so to see that. The other man had been longingly looking at the sea for a few hours already, and it was quite obvious that something was undermining him. Except, every time the swordsman tried to prod Buggy about the thing that quite explicitly bugged him, the Emperor stayed evasive.
Mihawk sighed, as he let his hat drop on the nearest shelf. He took his scarf off and hung it on the coat rack by the door, his eyes fixed on the figure sitting in the alcove.
Buggy was looking out through the window, his eyes not really looking at anything, obviously lost in thoughts. There was an air of melancholy surrounding him, and he reminded Mihawk of those ladies in old novels longing for freedom or for their lover's return. But Buggy was free as a bird, and didn't have any current lover at sea –That Mihawk knew of, at least-.
The swordsman came to stand in front of the window, watching the waves coming to crash against the hull, listening to the soft sound concealing his and Buggy's breathing. Though the sound was familiar, he doubted he could stand it for too long. He was uneasy when Buggy was like this, unsure of what to do, actually afraid of worsening the blue-haired man's mood.
It wasn't that he had softened once he'd started dating Buggy, but he'd actually started to care. He hadn't expected it, at first, but there were many things Buggy actually kept to himself. It was a misconception Mihawk had had at first, the idea that Buggy was a chatterbox, and that he'd say pretty much anything that would cross his mind. Of course, that was how Buggy was when he was anxious and stressed.
But now that they were dating, and that Buggy had gone past the first few weeks of uncertainty and disbelief, coming to accept that they were really dating, it was different. It wasn't that Buggy had changed, but he was calmer. Obviously more at ease, not feeling the need to put on an act anymore.
Mihawk had come to learn that Buggy was an eager reader, which could explain why he was so well-spoken, and how he was able to rally the crowds with just a few sentences. It was something Mihawk could never imagine doing.
But the thing that had troubled Mihawk the most was his silence. Buggy rarely ever talked if he wasn't addressed first. He was so impossibly quiet, so much that it worried the swordsman at first. He feared that Buggy didn't feel like he could talk to him freely. But it seemed to be quite the opposite, actually.
Just like with clothes, Buggy buried himself under layers and layers of speeches and pretty sentences, always boisterously addressing everyone around, as if the idea of silence itself terrified him.
But once he was in the comfort of their quarters, Buggy dropped the act, quietly walking around the rooms and muttering under his breath on some rare occasions. Mihawk never heard him move when he read, and it was something he never quite got over. It absolutely didn't fit his vision of the clown, this quietness. Somehow, it made Mihawk's affection grow stronger.
Today, though, it wasn't the kind of silence Mihawk had come to get used to. There was something under it he couldn't quite catch, but it was here.
'Would you care for a walk?' he finally asked, growing restless.
It took a few seconds to Buggy to react, looking away from the window for the first time since Mihawk had walked in. 'No, there's too much wind today, but another time maybe.' He formally answered. He said it gently while looking at Mihawk, but his eyes betrayed his tone.
'Okay,' Mihawk answered simply, slightly put off by the entire scene, and the distant look clear in Buggy's features. He let his left hand brush Buggy's shoulder before he turned around and left the room. If his presence and an offered walk didn't make Buggy react much, Mihawk would have to try a different approach.
He crossed the hallway leading to the deck in fast strides, climbing the stairs to the upper floor in search for the third captain of this ship. He found the man in the lounge, casually reading the newspaper with a cigar between his teeth.
'I need your help.' Mihawk said, almost sighing.
Crocodile raised an eyebrow, perplexed. He did not lower his newspaper, but at least he looked up.
Knowing not to expect a voiced-out reply, Mihawk kept on talking.
'There's something wrong with the Clown, he's been out of it since this morning.' The swordsman said, going to sit next to the older man. He pushed the ashtray aside, reaching to adjust the collar of Crocodile's shirt.
The latter sighed, closing his newspaper. 'His mood has not gotten any better, huh?'
Mihawk shook his head. 'I offered him a walk around the ship, but he didn't seem interested. He's been looking at the horizon for hours and I don't know what to do to shake him out of it.'
'Don't.' Crocodile said, matter of factly.
It was Mihawk's turn to raise an eyebrow questioningly, but Crocodile didn't answer immediately.
He dropped the newspaper on the table next to him and got up from the armchair. Wordlessly, Mihawk watched him crush the butt of his cigar into the ashtray and grab his coat from the back of the seat.
'Let me take care of it, okay?' The older man finally said, heading towards the exit.
Intrigued by the other man's confidence, Mihawk followed him to Buggy's room. He barely hid his smirk when one of Buggy's men greeted Crocodile and the taller man mumbled to himself how the crew members were growing too comfortable to his liking.
Mihawk had quickly grown used to the crew once he'd settled definitely aboard, being used to being around annoying people whenever he hung out around Shanks' crew against his will. Crocodile not so much. But it was too late, the older man had already lost his threatening aura to most of these men.
In front of the closed room, Crocodile knocked on the door, waiting for Buggy's answer. He wouldn't usually bother to ask, but it seemed that he was more prone to bargaining whenever Buggy was down. Mihawk might have grown soft for the blue-haired man, but he certainly wasn't the only one.
Crocodile walked inside the room quietly, coming to stand right next to their respective boyfriend.
'Hey Clown, you're with me?' Crocodile asked, his voice rough but holding no bite. Clown wasn't used as a derogatory name by the two former warlords anymore, the word having slowly evolved into a nickname, not quite a pet name, but an affectionate designation at least.
The blue-haired man turned his head away from the sea, looking up at the older man, humming a low 'hmm?'
Crocodile's hand hovered over Buggy, until he decided to actually take his right hand in his. He nodded his head towards Mihawk while looking the blue-haired man in the eyes, 'Come.'
Buggy followed wordlessly, putty in Crocodile's hand('s). The bigger man motioned to Mihawk to follow them, and walked through the little hidden door concealed by the half-pushed-open bookcase.
The secret passage was a courtesy of Buggy's men, as always. They had actually anticipated their actual predicament, predicting the need for their respective rooms to be connected even before the three men got into a relationship.
It was something that had actually pissed Mihawk off, to realise that they'd been this obvious to everyone around them, and actually oblivious with each other. Mihawk was glad he hadn't met Shanks before getting into the relationship, he would have never heard the end of it.
The three men walked inside Crocodile's room, heading straight for the significantly larger bed than in Buggy's. Mihawk watched, doubtful about the whole thing, as Crocodile made Buggy lie down on the bed. The scarred man took Buggy's shoes off as well as his, and removed the other man's jacket. The older man had already let his own drop on a chair on his way in.
Finally, he climbed on the bed next to Buggy, sitting against the headboard. Gently, he motioned for Buggy to get closer, and the blue-haired man complied, letting himself be spooned by the older man.
In a rare display of trust, Crocodile reached for his hook and untied it from his damaged hand, setting it on the bedside table. Finally, he looked at Mihawk, asking 'Are you joining or not?'
Quietly, Mihawk took off his coat, setting it next to Crocodile's. He let his boots drop to the ground, and came to sit on the other side of the bed, Buggy between him and the other man.
Similarly to Crocodile's gesture, he took off his necklace, leaving the small knife on the bedside table on his side. Both men were now bare in Crocodile's bed, defenceless in terms of weaponry. They were within easy reach, but the action of taking their most important weapon off in presence of Buggy had been one of their most significant indications of the actual seriousness of their feelings for the blue-haired man. A way to show their trust to the most doubtful man they knew.
It wasn't something they did much now that they had gained Buggy's trust and that their relationship had passed a couple of months, but they still took off their golden items whenever they got into an argument, tried to appease an angry Buggy, or sought comfort.
Finally, Mihawk pressed himself against the two men, forcing Buggy to change position and lay his head on the swordsman's shoulder. Snuggled like this, between the body heat of his two boyfriends, Buggy's body relaxed.
The tension in his shoulders dropped as Mihawk's hands came to untie his ponytails. Carefully, as to not damage the hair in the process, Mihawk slipped the hair band out of Buggy's hair. He smoothed his hands between the locks, untangling the strands softly.
Seeing as they were cuddled together, Mihawk thought it best to tie the hair in a braid, not quite thrilled by the prospect of accidentally eating Buggy's hair during the night.
Once he was done, it was Crocodile's turn to touch Buggy's head. Softly, his good hand came to brush Buggy's temples, smoothing the edges of the braid.
The blue-haired man had kept his eyes closed ever since he'd been laying down. But him no longer watching the sea did not mean that his mood had gotten any better.
'Where is your mind taking you to, now, Buggy?' Crocodile asked, in an impossibly soft tone despite the roughness in his voice. It was a timbre only reserved to the blue-haired man, even Mihawk had never heard it directed at him.
Continuing his caress, he kept talking. 'You've been out of it ever since this morning, Clown, where are you now?'
Nothing indicated that Buggy had been listening until he actually answered, 'I'm here, just thinking, that's it.'
'Thinking about what?' Crocodile asked.
Mihawk didn't dare interrupt them. Crocodile was often the one able to break Buggy out of his shell whenever he shut himself down. He had a way with words. Maybe it was because his conversations were scarcer than with the other, and thus made his words precious, or maybe it was because he was better at understanding Buggy's inner turmoil. Mihawk knew that Crocodile's path to Grand Line had been fraught with danger, just like Buggy's. It was something both men actually shared, pain and secrets weighing down their heart, threatening to get out and mess things up whenever life turned out a little bit too good.
As much as it could have been the case, Mihawk didn't feel excluded by it. They all shared their own bits. He and Buggy shared their weird relationship with Shanks, for instance. And their love for literature, too. Mihawk shared a particular interest for high quality wines with Crocodile, and a love for tranquillity clashing with their current lifestyle. The three men had different interests, but their affection for each other was strong. Unexpected, for sure, but genuine.
After a bit of silence, Buggy answered 'Loguetown...'
It was a name familiar to the three men. The first time they had ever been together in the same place, before they even got to learn about each other's existence. It was also the place where Buggy's father had died, and the beginning of their piracy journey. The end and the beginning, for each in a different way.
Buggy didn't need to elaborate for the two men to understand the meaning behind his confession.
But it wasn't Roger's death that Buggy mourned, the pain now familiar and ingrained in his heart, a part of him. No, it was the loss of his brother in arms. It was Shanks' betrayal with the admission that he would not pursue Roger's wish as expected. It was the straight up spit in his face when Shanks had offered Buggy a place in his crew, openly admitting that he did not consider the blue-haired man able to gather his own crew. Not worthy enough to pursue his dream on his own.
Roger's death had been expected, dreaded, but no surprise. Shanks' reaction, however… Buggy had never quite been able to recover from the blow. Had spent the following 24 years in a haze, wishing to be strong enough to pursue his dream, but never having the confidence to do so. All the while Shanks thrived, gathering a strong and infamous crew, collecting titles after titles, while Buggy only collected disparaging nicknames.
The last few years had been particularly eventful, especially with the arrival of the new generation, and notably Monkey D. Luffy. It shouldn't have been a surprise to see Shanks get back in the saddle, but it had triggered some memories Buggy thought he had kissed goodbye decades ago.
The blue-haired man was grateful for the support his two now-boyfriends had given him, but, despite his brand new motivation, there were days where his old scars reared their heads again. So there were days like today, where he thought of foreign and distant land. Thought of younger years and whispered, crushed, dreams.
It didn't mean that he forgot what he had by his side, but it was easier sometimes, to let the melancholy win him over. Crocodile understood that, never one to try to change his mind. If Buggy was feeling blue that day, then so be it. Crocodile would stand by his side, but wouldn't try to chase the thoughts away. He knew that it wouldn't do any good, because they would only come rushing faster and stronger afterwards.
'I think sometimes I would have preferred if he had simply straightforwardly pushed me away. Called me a loser. It would have been easier to stomach.'
Mihawk let his head drop on Buggy's, humming to let him know that he was listening, encouraging him to keep going.
'You know, when he refused to pursue Roger's dream that day, I thought I was hallucinating. Roger's blood was still dripping from the scaffold, and Shanks was already spitting on his dream like that? It seemed so surreal. And you know the worst part? To this day, it still is my most vivid memory. I think that if I close my eyes strongly enough and concentrate, I can still smell the sweat and storm in the air, and hear the sound of the rain hitting the cobblestones.'
On his right, Crocodile's warmth was welcome, a contrast with the coldness of the day replaying in his mind.
'I don't think I've ever told anyone this, but I never wanted to eat this goddamn devil fruit. I ate it because of Shanks' carefulness. And I hated it the very moment I felt its effects on my body.'
Crocodile's damaged hand came to rest around his waist, pressing their bodies closer.
'For a very long time I thought I couldn't become a pirate because I couldn't swim anymore. That Shanks had stripped me of my dream. So I projected my hopes on him, thinking that if I couldn't do it, then at least HE could do it. Would be the King Roger wanted us to be…. But he never wanted to be this kind of King. I've come to realise that we've never shared the same dream…'
Buggy bit his tongue, feeling a rush of emotion overwhelm him. He'd already said much more than he would have wanted. He couldn't quite remember a time he had ever felt comfortable enough to talk this much without having to worry about the possible outcomes of such confessions.
There were so many more things he wished he could say, decades of emotions that had never been expressed, but being vulnerable for too long was still hard for him. He wiped the corner of his eyes, tears having started to spill while he was talking.
'Thank you for being here.' The blue-haired man finally whispered, meaning so much more than just an acknowledgment. But a thank you in the piracy world was something that actually held a lot of meaning, the lonely and selfish world stripping people of most of their basic decency with the passing years. The three men knew this quite enough.
With a sigh, Buggy settled more comfortably between the two men, one of his hands coming to rest on Crocodile's, the other reaching for Mihawk's cheek, his thumb slowly stroking his jawline.
The blinds had been closed roughly, one of the portholes still partially open. The sun was setting. Buggy could see the different shades of blue of the sky and the ocean through the rounded windows. But he didn't feel like looking at the horizon right now. The sight of his lover's arms around his waist was more interesting.
Mihawk kissed the top of his head, and Crocodile's damaged hand tightened loosely around his.
Buggy still felt blue, but it was alright. It was allowed to not be okay. Maybe, tomorrow, he would be ready to take on the world, but not today. No, today Buggy allowed himself to bask in his boyfriends' warmness, their presence a reminder that his future could be bright and gleeful.
Soooo... that's it!
I've had this fic in my drafts since March, and I came to write it whenever I felt kinda blue, so it was initially a patchwork of emotions, and I decided to flesh it out by using my reaction and conclusions' to the chapter 1081! I've never hated Shanks more than after reading that bloody chapter. I had to stop myself from developing my thoughts too much because otherwise it would have ended a little bit too hating towards Shanks haha!
But it actually allowed me to also write more about Cross Guild because I really wanted to see Mihawk and Crocodile interact with Buggy at the same time and not separately! They're a trouple after all! I love inventing things in their relationship!
Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed it! Hopefully I'll have more Cross Guild fics on the way soon!
And don't hesitate to leave favs and reviews, it's always nice to read them and it motivates me to write more!