Starsky and Hutch at 80
OFALA: Old Farts Assisted Living Adventures
Episode 3: The Talent Show
By TLR
Plot: What could go wrong at a talent show?
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Since Starsky and Hutch are the substitute entertainment coordinators, and the regular one is out with the flu, they put their heads together to come up with something fun.
"A talent show!" Hutch shouts in their double occupancy room, each sitting on his own bed.
"Yeah!" Starsky agrees as he moves over to sit on Hutch's bed. "We could even give out prizes for the winner!"
"An extra glass of prune juice!"
Starsky rubs his hands together excitedly. "They have no idea the talent that lurks inside us. They won't know what hit 'em."
"We could lead with some sight gags."
"And you could finish with guitar and song."
"Now you're talkin'."
::
Rec room. Next day.
Everyone in the facility is assembled in the audience for the talent show, including Carol the activities coordinator, Penelope the head nurse, and some of the guys and gals Starsky and Hutch hung out with: Sarah, Tess, Harry, Fern, among others.
Huggy is part of the planning, of course, in charge of the large cardboard box of goodies.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" Starsky says through a bullhorn to the crowd. "Our talent show is about to begin! When we call your name, please come up and perform!"
Sarah stands up and begins a suggestive dance as she starts to unbutton her blouse.
"No!" Hutch yells. "Not yet! This is rated G, Sarah!"
Huggy claps his hands loudly and gestures grandly at Starsky and Hutch. "Our illustrious entertainment gurus shall perform first!"
"No, Hug!" Starsky shouts. "You go first."
"But of course!"
Huggy reaches down inside the large box of props and pulls out a magician's wand and hat.
"I...the Great Huggarino...will make one of my compadres disappear! But which one?"
"Starsky!" a few audience members call.
"Hutch!" a few others shout.
Huggy waves his wand over the heads of both of them, then says, "Just kidding."
After Huggy puts his stuff away, Starsky reaches into the box and pulls out a hula hoop.
"Now it's my turn!"
Hutch puts his hands out to stop him. "Easy, Starsk. You haven't balanced on one foot successfully in ten years."
"Just watch," Starsky said as he steps into the hula hoop and begins swaying his hips in circles. Suddenly he cries "Ow! Ow!", grabs his hip, and the hula hoop drops to the floor.
"Give me that," Hutch says snatching the hula hoop off the floor, nearly tripping Starsky in the process. "Are you trying to break a hip? Why don't you have a seat?"
"Not on your life. The show must go on."
The crowd laughs. Unfazed, Starsky reaches into the box and pulls out a set of Clackers-two hard plastic balls about the size of golf balls, and about as heavy, suspended on strings from a single metal ring.
As Starsky begins to swing the Clackers, Hutch says, "No, wait! Those were banned in 1973!"
"Ah, come on, Hutch. Lighten up."
When Starsky clacks his Clackers into a frenzy, one of the balls snaps off and flies through the air, striking a man in the face and causing a nosebleed.
Nurse Penelope and Carol the activities director rush to him and tend to the man that was hit with the Clackers.
Starsky glances at Hutch. "Play a soothing song on your guitar. I'll check the guy out."
Hutch looks around for his guitar while Huggy and Starsky go into the audience to check on the wounded man.
"Sorry, Curtis," Starsky says as he pats the man on the shoulder. "Kinda got carried away."
"I'll sue this place!" Curtis wails.
"Please don't," Nurse Penelope says as she applies a bit of pressure to his nose with a handkerchief. "I'll give you an extra bottle of prune juice if you don't."
"Okay."
A few minutes later, Penelope looks at Carol. "I think he's okay. It isn't as bad as it looks."
"Blood is scary," Sarah says. "I'd rather hear Hutch play and sing."
"Yeah!" Starsky agrees. "That's a great idea!"
As Starsky and the audience look toward the front of the room where the box of talent props sits, they realize Hutch is nowhere to be seen.
"What?" Starsky asks looking around the rec room. "Hutch!" He looks at Huggy. "Where'd he go?"
Huggy shrugs. "I don't know, man. I'm with you."
"I know!" Tess says a bit testily. "Huggy made him disappear!"
"Yeah!" Sarah says. "Where is he, Great Huggarino?"
Huggy spreads his hands. "I have no clue!"
Carol and Nurse Penelope look a bit worried.
"Let's look for him!" Starsky calls to everyone. "He loves hide and seek! Even though he isn't very good at it! And he loves disguises! So, you could go right past him!"
Nurse Penelope and Carol try to calm the crowd.
"Let's all just sit down!" Penelope shouts.
But it doesn't work.
"We're looking for him!" Curtis shouts back. "He's one of our own! It's personal!"
Tess mumbles, "I still think he disappeared. Huggy, I hold you responsible."
The residents begin milling around looking for Hutch, some on walkers, some with canes or wheelchairs. Starsky grabs a nearby rolling walker and hurry-shuffles out the door and down the hall.
The sound of "Hutch!" fills the air as everyone roams about searching for him and calling his name.
That's when Starsky acts on a hunch and opens the door to their room, where he sees Hutch sitting forlornly on the side of his bed, guitar across his knee but not playing it.
"Hutch. What's up? Everyone's looking for you. You can go on in five if you want to. Curtis' nose stopped bleeding."
Hutch raises sad eyes to him. "I can't, Starsk."
"You can't what?"
"I can't..." He looked down at his guitar. "I can't play the guitar anymore. I forgot how."
Starsky steps in quietly, then moves over to Hutch's bed and sits next to him.
"Hey," he says softly as he gently takes the guitar from him. "It's okay. I'll play for you. You taught me, remember?"
Hutch nods and listens to Starsky strum Jim Croce's "Time in a Bottle".
When Hutch fails to start singing too, Starsky sings for him, with, "'If I could save time in a bottle...the first thing that I'd like to do...is to save... every day...'til eternity passes away...just to spend them with you...'"
Gentle applause sounds in the hallway as the residents have gathered to listen.
Tess whispers to Huggy, "He's back. You made him reappear."
Huggy nods, not wanting to disturb the private moment between his two friends in the room.
Hutch puts an arm around Starsky and draws him close until their foreheads touch. "We'll always be friends, Starsk."
"Yeah, Hutch," Starsky whispers. "We will."
The End