March 31th.
The Loud House was unnaturally silent
We open on a closed door.
With a creak, it opens and the white-haired, white-faced head of Lincoln Loud peaks out. "Well, it's here again," he said. "In less than twelve hours, it'll be April Fools Day."
From behind him came a rumble.
"Lincoln, who are you talking to?"
"Ow! Stop moving Lana!
"Make me, sparklebutt!
"Girls, stop moving around so much!"
"Lynn, you better not-"
There was a fart sound and the door bursts open. Out spilled all of Lincoln's sisters (sans Luan). "That wasn't me," the jock of the family scoffed. "It was Lori."
"I'm telling you, it was the floorboards!" Lori yelled. "Okay, that's it. Everyone to my room."
"Okay everyone. I think it's obvious that Operation Lincoln Lodge isn't going to work. Sorry Linc, but I literally cannot spent an entire day cramped up in that tiny closet!"
"Well, where else are we supposed to hide?" Lynn Jr argued. "It's not like our rooms are any safer." "And my bunker is still out of commission," Lisa sighed. "I knew I should have written down that combination." "Let's not forget that the last time we ditched town, Luan went all Saw on us with that motel," Luna added.
"Sigh. It seems like every year, no matter what we do, Luan still manages to outsmart us," Lucy moaned. "And maybe it's just me, but her pranks seem to be getting worse."
Everyone gulped as memeories of prievous pranks came back to haunt them.
Lucy wakes up from her coffin and walks over to her closet. She opens it and her eyes widened under her bangs. Every item of clothing of hers has been dyed bright pink.
Lola wakes up and takes off her sleeping mask. Feeling bumps under her fingers, she rushes over to her mirror and screams.
Her face is covered in pimples, zits, and blemishes.
Leni wakes up and slips on her glasses. Her sleepy eyes burst open as giant, hairy spiders appear right in front of her.
"AHHHHHHHH! SPIDERS!"
Screaming, she runs out of her room, only to scream again.
"THEY'RE HERE TOO!"
She runs around, smashing into the walls and then tumbling down the stairs. Her glasses crack and Leni lets out another wail.
"THEY'RE LITERALLY EVERYWHERE!"
She ran around the entire house, too afraid to realize that the spiders were just painted on the lenses of her glasses.
"A little powder, a little wipey," Lynn Sr sprinkled some powder on Lily's butt and diapered her up. "and now you've got a brand new diapie!"
Lily suddenly started to squirm and whimper. Her father picked her up off the changing table. "What's wrong, sweetie?"
Tears forming in her eyes, Lily feverishly began scratching at her bottom. Lynn pulled down her diaper and gasped; her skin was bright red.
"ITCHY!" Lily cried.
Her talcum-free cornstarch powder had been switched with itching powder.
BRING!
"Oooh, a text from Boo-Boo Bear!" Lori excitedly opened it, only to gasp in terror.
"D-dear Lori, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid my parents have scheduled me for an arranged marriage," she fearfully read, "Her name is Maria and we're moving to Brazil?!"
Screaming, she tossed her phone away, tears gushing from her eyes.
"BOBBYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
Lisa slipped on some goggles and a mask as she prepares to conduct an experiment. After carefully scanning the labels of her vials, she picks two and holds them over a beaker.
"A little sulfuric acid…"
She pours it
"and a little dihydrogen monoxide."
She pours it.
There's a thunderous boom and the door of the room is blown off it's hinges.
"Correction. A little hydrochloride."
Luna grabbed her guitar and switched on her amp.
"Rock and roll, bro!"
She brings her hand down to play a note and a blast of electricity comes out and zaps her. Her guitar explodes, leaving her scorched and sizzling. As the fire alarm goes off, she looks down and notices something hidden under her bed and clipped to the amp.
It's a car battery.
Lincoln is browsing the Internet when he gets a flurry of messages.
"Nice diaper, dweeb!"
"LOL!"
"Weirdo!"
"Freak!"
"Wuh?!" Stunned, Lincoln pulled up his social media account and goes pale. His profile page is filled with all the replacement memory photos he took with Clyde back in The Whole Picture.
Worse, they have over 5000 views.
Lynn Jr was kicking around a soccor ball. She began rushing it towards her goal post. "Look at her go, she's unstoppable! It's a perfect shot! it's in, it's-AHHHHHH!"
Just as Lynn lifted her leg to kick it in, something sharp suddenly wrapped around her ankle, slicing her whole knee up. Falling to the ground, she screamed and clutched her bleeding leg as something shiny and dripping red came into view in front of the goal post.
It was a snare trap.
"Ah," Lana strolled over to the freezer. "Time for a little ice cream."
She opened the freezer to find all her warm-blooded reptile pets frozen in blocks of ice. "HOPS! NOOOOOOO!"
"Even my underwear was pink," Lucy shuddered.
"Spiders. Spiders everywhere," Leni rocked back and forth.
"Boo-boo booty," Lily sadly patted her bottom.
"Another minute and they'd have been…" Lana whimpered.
"Her little prank cost me a whole season of games!" Lynn growled.
"Everyone at school called me Diaper Boy for a month," Lincoln blushed.
"Ugh, it's not fair!" Lola threw up her hands. "Why does she have to always come after us?! Why can't she just go and prank somebody else?!"
The others paused.
"Lola, you're a genius!" Lori cried. "That's it! We'll ask Luan to prank somebody else this April Fools!" "What makes you think she'll do that?" Lisa asked, curious, but doubtful.
"Because Linky…" Lori pointed to her brother, "is going to convince her to."
Lincoln looked up. "Huh?" He found everyone staring at him. "Look guys, I think that's a great idea, but…" "Glad you agree!" Lori interrupted him. "All those in favor of Linky doing it, say 'aye.'" "AYE!" Everyone (but Lincoln) cried.
"Hey, don't I get a say in this?" The boy argued.
"You're right," Lori said. "All those in favor of taking over Lincoln's job, say 'aye.'" Silence.
Lincoln sighed. "Fine, I'll do it."
"YAY!" All his sisters cheered.
Lincoln gulped as he starred ahead at the door to Luan and Luna's room. He glanced on over to his siblings, all peering from Lori's room.
"You can do it, bud!" Luna whisper yelled.
"You're our hero, Link!" Lana added.
"Winky!" Lily clapped her hands.
Lincoln turned back to the door. Even with that encouragement, he still felt hesitant to venture into what was essentially the lion's den. His body trembled as sweat dripped down off his head.
"Don't wet your diaper, Stinkin!" Lynn taunted.
The other sisters giggled as Lincoln blushed again.
"Two times!" He hissed back. "I only did that two times and I swore I'd never do it again!"
Taking a deep breath, the boy moved (or rather, pushed) his body forward until he was right at Luan's doorstep. Hand shaking, he formed a fist and knocked on the door.
The door opened on it's own, with a loud creak. The sisters all ducked back into Lori's room and locked the door.
' So much for moral support,' Lincoln thought to himself. With no other option, Lincoln braced himself for the worst and peered inside.
"L-Luan?"
No answer. He took a few steps inside. The room was dark and he couldn't see anything.
Suddenly, the door slammed shut behind him. Lincoln didn't even have time to jump as a voice froze him in place.
"Welllllllll," That snarky, slightly lisp sent a chill down Lincoln's spine. "If it isn't my daring little brother, Linky."
A spotlight shined on Luan's stage. There she stood, dressed in a maroon suit, spats, and a straw hat, a cane in her hand.
"Wanna… hear a joke?"
Jumping off her stage, Luan strolled over to her brother, doing little prances every few steps for no other reason than just the quirk of it. Her eyes were half closed, but sparkled with wit and her mouth bore a grin so mischievous and confident that Lincoln felt rather puny in comparison.
Now, mere inches from her brother, Luan raised a hand and clapped it hard on Lincoln's shoulder, nearly making his knees buckle. Tightening her grip, she yanked him forward, til his head was on her shoulder and her mouth next to his ear. Lincoln whimpered and closed his eyes.
"Chicken butt."
Lincoln opened his eyes. The lights flickered on.
"Hahaha, got yah!" Luan let go of her brother and took off her hat, holding it to her stomach as she laughed. "Oh, you should have seen the look on your face."
She threw her hat away, her face now back to it's perfectly friendly state.
"What's the haps, Linky?"
As the realization that he'd been duped finally hit him, the boy shook his head and tried to remember what he'd come to say. "Well Luan, actually, I've come to talk about tomorrow."
"Yes?" Her tone was friendly, but also carried a hint of mockery, as if she knew what he was going to say.
"Well… we know you love pranking on April Fools Day."
"It's in my blood."
"And we know there's pretty much nothing we can do to try and stop you."
"Nope."
Lincoln tried to think of the right words to say. If he said that he and his siblings couldn't handle her pranks, Luan would probably use that as fuel to mock them and make tomorrow extra humiliating. If he tried to intimidate her into leaving them alone (which he already wasn't very good at), Luan would no doubt take that as a challenge and double down on their torment.
He had to spin this in a way that both complimented her and benefitted them.
"Well…" an idea struck, "We think you could do better."
Luan raised an eyebrow. "Howwwwww so?"
Lincoln was sweating, but he felt the words flow from his mouth. "Well, doesn't it seem a bit unfair that after all these years, we're the only ones who get to experience your April Fools pranks? What about the rest of Royal Woods? What about all our friends and neighbors?"
Luan was silent, her face nuetral.
"Don't get me wrong, we love your stuff," That was a lie, but he anything to stay in her good graces. "but it's like a comedian who only performs at one single comedy club. How's she ever supposed to become famous if only a tiny audience know of her material? We say, come out of your comfort zone and show the world what you can do. What have you got to loose? If it works out, great; you've got a bigger audience. If it doesn't, you can always come back to us and work on new material."
Again, his sister was silent. Then she suddenly swung her cane until it nearly touched his face. "Shirt up."
"What?"
"Do it."
Blushing, Lincoln did so, exposing his tummy to Luan. She cranked the handle on her cane, causing a feather duster to come out of the end.
"Tickle, tickle!"
"Ahahahaha! Luan, stop!" Lincoln shoved the cane away and pulled his shirt back down.
"Actually, I was checking to see if you were wearing a wire," Luan admitted. "Thought somebody was feeding you all that." She threw her cane aside. "So… you guys really want me to prank other people this year, Linky?"
"Hey, if it doesn't work out, you can always double down on us next year," Lincoln assured her. "I don't know," she tapped her chin. "It won't be as fun as pranking you guys."
"Well, you gotta stumble if you wanna run, right?" Lincoln reminded her.
Luan smiled. "You drive a hard bargain, Linkster. Okay, I think I'll take you up on that offer."
"Really?"
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeell," she gave another sly smile as the bedroom door opened again. "We'll just have to see tomorrow, won't we?"
Some supernatural force carried Lincoln back into the hallway. Luan waved him goodbye as the door shut him out.
Lori's door creaked open. The girls all peaked out.
"Did it work?" Leni asked. "Is she going to leave us alone?"
Lincoln turned to his sisters.
"I think so."