April 1st - afternoon
"Ahhhh," Lincoln strolled out of the kitchen, drink in hand. "Two in the afternoon and not a single prank to be seen."
"It's amazing what you can get done when you're not cowering in fear," Lisa walked in, a test tube in her own hand. "I just finished perfecting a cure for the common cold."
"Mr Sprinkles and I just finished throwing the greatest tea party in the history of tea parties," Lola declared, snuggling her unicorn plushie.
"I wrote a rock song in dedication to this day," Luna strummed her guitar. "I call it the Ballad of Lincoln." "Poo-poo!" Lily held up a drawing of her family, making them all gush.
"Ah Lily, that's so sweet!" Rita walked in with her husband.
"Oh, hi Mom and Dad," Lincoln greeted them. "Haven't seen you guys in a while."
Rita smirked, placing an arm around Lynn Sr. "Oh, your father and I have just been celebrating April Fools in our own special way."
Rita and Lynn are in their bedroom, looking lovingly into each other's eyes. They strip down to their undies and proceed to do taxes.
"We're proud of you, Linc," Lynn Sr patted his son on the shoulder. "You really saved us a lot of trouble this year."
Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the door, causing everyone to jump.
"Who could that be?" Rita asked.
"Ooh," Lynn Jr peered through the window. "You may want to take that back, Pops."
They opened the door to reveal a huge angry mob.
"Louds!" Flip stood at the front, pointing an accusatory finger at them. "Where is your daughter, Luan?!" The crowd all joined in, screaming complaints before any of the Louds could answer.
"Guys," Lincoln spotted his friends.
"Your sister blazed my 'do!" Most of Rusty's hair had burned off.
"She laced all my chicken feed with pop rocks!" Liam was covered in egg yolk and feathers.
"She filled my pool with jello!" Girl Jordan's midsection was encased in a block of jello.
"Ow-she-ow-buzzed-ow-me!" Zach's whole body was covered in red, swollen bee stings.
"She washed all my clothes in tuna!" A scratched up and bleeding Clyde had cats hanging off his body.
"She filled my closet with moth eggs!" Lindsey Sweetwater held up the ruined remains of a dress.
"Sheet bunned ow tongths," Chaz, Tad, and Joey opened their mouths to reveal their badly burnt gums, tongues, and tonsils.
"She sabotaged our bikes!" Flat Tire and Papa Wheelie both sat in wheelchairs, wrapped up like mummies.
"And our skates!" Lainy, Maddie, and Nadia were also heavily bandaged.
A hooded figure in a flowing black cloak stepped up. She pulled back her hood, revealing herself to be Haiku.
"Gasp!" Lucy cried. "Haiku, why are you wearing that?"
"I can't take it off," Her goth friend sighed, sounding more sad than angry, "because Luan filled it with glue."
"Same with us." Several other cloaked figures stepped forward and unveiled, revealed to be the rest of the Mortician Club in clown outfits.
Suddenly, a foul smell hit the air, causing everyone to gag and cover their noses.
"What is that stench?!" Rita cried.
Becky and Whitney stepped forward. They were both dressed in bath robes and their skin was stained red. "That would be us," Becky said dryly.
"Six hours in a tomato juice bath and we still stink," Whitney hissed.
"Uh, it's actually been scientifically proven that tomato juice doesn't rid oneself of skunk spray," Lisa piped up, "it only covers it."
"Oh, now you're telling us!" Becky snapped.
"Ahhhhhhh!" It was Luna. Tears whelled up in her eyes as she spotted someone near and dear to her in the crowd. "Not you too, Sam!"
Poor Sam Sharp was covered in mud and seaweed. She gazed up sadly at her girlfriend. "Fraid so. I was sailing out at the pond and your sister poked holes in my sloop. I had to-eeeep!" She reached into her pants and pulled out a tuna fish, which spat water in her face.
"I had to get 100 rabie shots because of that girl!" Flip once again took command of the mob. "And now I want her to pay for what she's done!"
The mob all cheered in agreement.
"Hand her over, Louds!" Flip demanded, "or you'll never get another Flippee ever again!"
"Well Flip, that certainly sounds like a terrible loss," Rita said sarcastically, "but I'm afraid Luan isn't here at the moment."
The mob all groaned in disappointment.
"Why is she even pranking us?" Clyde asked. "I thought she only pranked you guys on April Fools Day." "Yeah," Margo agreed, "You told me all about it, Lynn."
"What did we do to earn her wraith?" Haiku asked.
"I think the real question, Bo Peep," Mr Glouse said, "Is who set her on us?"
The mob all turned on the Loud family and began grumbling, this time getting more and more aggressive.
"Kids, get inside," Rita whispered. Lincoln could see that she was trembling. "We'll take care of this."
"Lori," Lynn Sr added. "If anything happens to us, we're entrusting you all to Aunt Ruth."
The kids all gasped in horror. As the mob began advancing, Lincoln stepped forward and blocked their way to his parents.
"WAIT!" He yelled. "It… it was me! I told Luan to prank you guys!"
The crowd stopped and went silent. Even Lincoln's siblings all looked shocked.
"Well, then," Mr Glouse said, "I think that changes everything."
Several hands siezed Lincoln and tossed pulled him off the porch.
"LINCOLN!" His family cried.
Lincoln was tossed into a circle in the middle of the crowd, who all began cracking their knuckles. "G-guys?" He whimpered to his friends.
"Sorry Lincoln," Rusty scowled. "But somebody's gotta pay."
"We're only gonna rough you up a little bit," Liam added.
Cowering, Lincoln shielded himself as the mob lunged at him.
"STOP!"
Lincoln looked up. His sisters had all left the porch and surrounded him.
"It's literally not his fault!" Lori cried, "It's ours! We made him talk Luan into pranking someone else!"
"We totes didn't mean for any of you to get hurt!" Leni wailed. "We didn't know she was going to go after you all!"
"Yeah, that part's totally on Linky!" Lola was immediately scowled by the others.
"But he wouldn't have done it if we hadn't forced him!" Luna declared.
"We would have had him say anything to get Luan off our backs!" Lynn added.
The crowd had gone silent again.
"Look, I know it may seem hard to believe," Luna explained, "but on April Fools Day, Luan makes the Joker look like Winnie-the-Pooh. For fourteen years, she's made this holiday a nightmare for us. No matter what we did to try and stop her, she'd always come out on top!"
"Something about this particular day gives our dear sister an intellectual boost," Lisa elaborated. "Even I am baffled by it."
"We just wanted a break," Lori went on. "Just one April Fools Day where we don't end up maimed." "Or injured," added Leni.
"Or beaten," Lana tacked on.
"Or dead," Lucy finished, making everyone gasp. "Okay, not the right word choice, but you get the point."
"We were so desperate for a break that we didn't think of whom she would go after instead!" Lori concluded. "So… if you're going to punish anyone, punish us. Not Linky."
The mob was silent. The girls were tense and nervous, but didn't budge from their spots. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Flip stepped forward. The old gas station owner let out a sigh.
"Maybe it's the smell of those girls," he jabbed a thumb at Becky and Whitney, "but I'm getting really tired. It's been a long day. So how about we all just stop little Miss Pranks-A-Lot for good and go home?"
A small smile spread on Lincoln's face. Luna helped him to his feet. Rita and Lynn Sr pushed their way through the crowd and hugged their children.
"Flip, for once, I completely agree with you," Rita smiled.
"We're in," Lynn Sr added.
"Well, you heard them!" Mr Glouse stepped forward. "Let's put an end to this!"
Everyone cheered in agreement.
With hostilities dropped, the siblings all went over to their friends.
"Sorry for that, Linc," Clyde spoke for the group.
"It's okay," his friend replied, "We know all about mob mentality. It practically runs our family." The boys chuckled.
"So…" Rusty droned, "What exactly are we going to do to stop Luan?"
Everybody went quiet, unable to think of an idea, until finally, Lucy stepped forward. "I have an idea," she said, "but it's kind of… dark. It'll work, but it won't be pleasant." "What is it?" Lori asked.
The girls and Lincoln all huddled in to hear it. The crowd all waited with baited breath. Finally, the kids separated.
"Whoa," Luna looked stunned. "You weren't kidding, sis."
"I'm getting uncomfortable just thinking about it," Leni shuddered.
"But if it's the only way to stop Luan for good," Lincoln concluded, "then maybe it's worth a shot." "Hmmm," Lisa rubbed her chin, "I don't know. I have doubts about this plan."
From outside the crowd came a small sound. They parted and a figure walked up.
It was a little girl. She wore a black veil over her face and was pulling a wagon covered in a blanket. She looked up, revealing two big, glossy, tear-streaked eyes and the saddest looking frown you could ever imagine. Lisa gasped.
"Darcy!" She ran up to her friend. "What happened?"
Sniffling, Darcy reached over and slowly pulled the blanket back, looking away as she did so. Everyone gasped. In the wagon lay the severed head of Darcy's beloved toy giraffe Rafo. "I found him in my bed this morning," the tiny girl choked on her sobs.
Lisa turned to her family.
"Let's do this!"
Yep, Darcy was the straw that broke the camel's back. Who better than the cutest little one-time character on this show?
I deliberately didn't include Sam, Darcy, and the rest of the Mortician Club in the prank montage last chapter because I wanted them to be surprises in this one, to emphasis the scope and scale of Luan's pranking spree. Like, if you thought the pranks we saw her pull were bad, imagine the ones we DIDN'T see! I was going to include more surprise victims than just the three, but I couldn't think of anymore ideas and just decided to go with what I had.
As the ending to this chapter pointed out, the "plan" to stop Luan is dark. Dark enough that I'll have to bump the rating up to at least a T to be safe. It's nothing compared to the stuff you see on this site (or even in this fandom), but it's definitely not something Nickelodeon would EVER allow had this been an actual episode!
I'm a bit hesitant to follow through with it. I'll think about it and see what happens. Until then, see you next time!