There was once a strange world, out there somewhere in the realm of the nonexistent and the excess, a world where all the people were cats and all the land was divided up into territories. However, this one seemed a bit different from that book series everyone was talking about.
Things happened in this world, not any sort of happenings you'd expect on your own world, rather a lesser kind of drama, as some would accurately describe it. Everything seemed to revolve around a group of three civilians, one of them always at the other two's throats, with a level of persistence no one had seen the likes of for decades, if not longer.
And today we'll follow the stories of Redstripe and Habun, two valuable perspectives from the aforementioned group in this Cat-World.
A plain blue sky was over the sloppy, crumbling architecture of District R, the heat scorching. Redstripe hurried home with the new book she'd gotten from the library, avoiding crackheads who stumbled around on the street and the motorcycles that zipped by without warning. When she finally reached her house, which looked quite nice in comparison to the other houses on the street which were practically falling over, she closed and locked the door behind her as quickly as possible.
Settling down in her chair at her desk, Redstripe brushed the dust off of the book and examined the cover.
"Smudged Morals?" she read, already knowing from the title that this book was going to be a disappointment. She didn't bother to read it and instead flipped through the pages until she reached the comment page at the back.
Redstripe smiled with amusement when she saw a familiar cutout of a printed sheet of paper, nearly covering the entire page, the content of it being an extremely long string of insults and slurs beginning with "Dear Shithead Who Wrote This". It was an iconic review that had been taped- or even glued- inside countless books over the past few years.
Turning to the next page, she was a bit less amused and more shocked at what she saw.
These comments didn't have a name above them, but they were accusations against the previous reviewer. She read one of them aloud.
"Redstripe, you've fucking lost your marbles again! You're the worst cat in this goddamned world! Everyone knows this is you! You've been responsible for all the hate reviews at the library! You're so pathetic!"
She sighed and leaned back in her chair. Alright, he's back.
Redstripe closed the book and set it down on the table, then walked over to the couch and turned on the TV. She browsed through the channels until she found what she was looking for, and sure enough, there it was.
"We here at Central District News Station 11 have gotten several recent reports that the infamous Habun is back once again, his jail sentence having been lifted after just six days. We also have reports that he's already began leaving reviews on books from the District R library as usual, and spreading misinformation about-"
Redstripe pressed the power button on the TV, abruptly cutting off the news report. Yep, that's all I needed to know.
Habun walked through a bright hallway, the walls around him plain and white, all alone. At the end of the hallway was a room with about twenty chairs, in two neat rows in front of a large blank screen. He sat down in one of the chairs directly at the front, and checked his watch, glad to see that it was nearly 12 o' clock.
Today was Propaganda Day, and Habun missed when everyone else would come to watch the program with him. Over the last few weeks, the numbers had slowly begun to diminish, and now it was only him. The screen suddenly lit up, and he silenced his wistful thoughts.
A cat appeared on the screen, an AI-generated one, Habun knew, but the poor lonely schoolboy always liked to believe that the cats in these programs were real.
"Let's have a little talk about Redstripe, shall we?" The cat on the screen shouted to the room, their voice echoing in the nearly empty space.
"YEAH!" Habun shouted back. He was pumped, ready to listen with full attention to everything today's propaganda cat had to say.
"Alright, now let me tell you what's up with this disgrace to society who thinks she's so great!"
The next few minutes were a blur, but enjoyable still. Habun felt his uncontrollable anger gradually rising within him as the cat on the screen shouted out insult after insult, calling out Redstripe on various things she'd done and reminding him repeatedly that she was responsible for all of the hateful comments that had been written inside the books of the District R Library.
"FUCK YOU REDSTRIPE! I'M READY TO GET RID OF THAT SUBHUMAN PIECE OF GARBAGE FOREVER!" Habun screamed without warning at the end. At this point he'd lost all self-control- not just because of the manipulative nature of the propaganda- and he was simply shouting out any insults his mind could conjure up within five seconds. The program was now over, and as the screen faded to black, Habun got up from his chair, and let out a laugh quite similar to that of a villain from a superhero movie.
Redstripe padded through the library with her head down. She'd just returned the book that Habun had written his desperate accusations in, and she was now heading back outside. Something extremely strange had happened in the downtown of District R, and she wanted to check it out.
The walk to downtown was even more dangerous then the walk home, and the excessive heat didn't help. Still, she pushed onward, doing her best to evade the many drug dealers and creeps waiting in the alleys. She remembered the time, years ago, when District R had been a lot nicer, but now it was filled with only two types of cats: idiots who thought they were better than everyone else and wrote absolute garbage for the library, and creeps who were always on crack, LSD, and a thousand other drugs- constantly outside trying to lure she-cats into their houses so they could satisfy their sick fetishes.
Redstripe soon reached the only nice part of town, the very center. There was a decently large crowd gathered around, and standing in front of the large monument of some "famous" cat Redstripe had never heard of… was none other than Habun.
He was wearing some sort of superhero suit, cyan and purple with a blue cape, a giant yellow "H" on the front of his shirt. It looked ridiculous on him, especially since he appeared to be no more than eleven years old. He was grinning so wide and so smugly that it was almost painful to look at. And as soon as he spotted Redstripe, even more pride showed in his expression.
"There you are, Redstripe. I knew you'd be here. You think you can redeem yourself, huh? You think you can save your reputation in this town? You're wrong. And you cannot defeat me. I am invincible. Nothing you say will offend me!" Habun said. He shouted the last sentence and threw his head up to the sky, also raising his fist into the air.
"Nice superhero pose, hypocrite," Redstripe said back to him with exasperation in her voice. Some of the cats in the crowd were beginning to leave now, losing interest in the pathetic conflict. "How come you're back from jail so soon?"
"You think you're so great!" Habun shouted back stubbornly. "You should be the one in jail, Redstripe! You're leaving all those hate reviews in the library books! That's, like, illegal, I think!"
Redstripe didn't respond this time, and only looked at him.
"This is going to haunt you for the rest of your life!" Habun screamed. "You'll never be happy again!"
"I'm pretty happy most of the time, dude. Why are you always trying to prove stuff that you're literally just pulling out of your ass?" Redstripe responded, hoping she could talk sense into him this time.
But Habun refused to listen to her. "I'm going to tell the whole world about how terrible you are! Habun has come to the rescue!" He yelled triumphantly, and then launched himself up into the air as if he could fly.
However, he couldn't fly, and he ended up awkwardly stumbling around on the ground trying to regain his balance for a few seconds. Then he ran off, and Redstripe could not tell where he'd went.
Redstripe simply went home and played video games.
This is the beginning of a satire fic that I'm going to be starting with this stuff, and expanding to other kinds of drama that has happened on the site. If you liked it, cool! Tell me what you liked about it and how I could improve it. If you didn't like it, or you're Habun, here to spit the same pathetic insults at me, whatever.
It'll be similar to the fic called "Redstripe RiverCult" that I was writing shortly before my old accounts got banned, but this one actually has a warriors-like world that the whole thing is based around, so it can still be an enjoyable read for most people. The rest of the story will be much more interesting.
Fun fact: District R is representative of both the Warriors fanfiction archive and RiverClan in warrior cats. All of the districts have their own unique characteristics, some of them representing warrior cat Clans and some of them having other purposes. They'll all have a somewhat significant role in the story eventually.