I didn't think I would need to come here, to my stoop, to watch you from afar. You're supposed to be my boyfriend, Steve. I'm supposed to be able to trust you. But I can't. Not when I see you texting someone on a new phone. I knew I saw you messaging someone. It's identical to your normal phone, which is why I didn't notice the difference, but now you're alone, you have both on your table.
Who is it? Why am I not enough for you?
It's constant. Every few minutes, you pick up the asshole phone to text this person, and with each passing message, you're pulling away from me.
It's not like I don't try to reach out to you. But you always blow me off with some bullshit excuse.
Steve - [07:12 AM]
Sorry! Got to study for a midterm.
Maybe tomorrow?
…
Steve - [01:55 PM]
Honestly, it's been such a long day all I want is to relax.
I'll call you when I get home, promise.
…
Steve - [08:54 AM]
I'm so sorry but I have to cancel today. Something came up at school and I have to go in ASAP.
Day after day of this bullshit stinking up my inbox. It's not fair, Steve. I never did anything but love you the way you wanted, and this is how you repay me. By cheating? I have to find out who it is and why you want them.
The thing is, I prepare for the worst. So when you gave me your keys one time before going to class, I made a copy. I didn't think I'd need to use it, but here we are. As soon as you're gone for your morning run, I slip inside. I know where you keep the asshole phone after watching you last night.
There's no name, just an initial, 'B'. I'm surprised I'm not saved as 'E'. Your unfortunate habit of secrecy makes everything so difficult. Lucky for us, I know how to work around you. And this phone is a revelation.
It's not just one guy you're messaging but a lot. It doesn't take long to figure out they're patrons from your OnlyFans account. You flirt and send them photos - again, no face - and they pay you for it. I mean, I get it, your body is exquisite, and I'm lucky I didn't have to pay. I even got your face too. But these people… why are you doing this?
'B' is different though. He's the real problem, the one you're hiding from me. You don't talk prices or preferences with him. It's more than flirting too. You want to meet this guy. Your last messages this morning prove it.
S - [07:45 AM]
We can do more than talk you know.
How about Friday? I have the day off and we can meet up.
Eddie won't find out, I promise.
He knows about me. What the fuck, Steve?
So not only are you cheating on me, but it's with someone who knows us? Or, at the very least, you're dating someone called Eddie. I knew it was bad but this… I'm not going to lie. It's heartbreaking. How could you do this to us?
The asshole phone pings.
B - [08:32 AM]
Make sure he doesn't know. Don't want to be found out.
Let me know where and when. I'll be there.
Friday. You're making plans to fuck some guy behind my back in three. Fucking. Days.
And then my phone pings, and it's you.
Steve - [08:35 AM]
Hey. I just want to say I'm sorry.
I know I've been avoiding you and making shitty excuses.
I'm just… a little freaked about Billy. For some reason I never thought about you loving someone before me. If I'm honest I'm kind of scared you still love him.
I want to see you. Can I stop by the shop?
It's too much to process so soon. And then, like a fucking curse, the front door opens. I dive onto the floor as you come inside. Thankfully, you go straight into your bedroom and don't stop by the sofa to notice me on the floor holding your asshole phone. You don't shut the door, though, and I can see you strip off your clothes, soaked from your run, and kick them aside before you go into the bathroom.
I can't help stealing your shirt. You'll never notice anyway. Besides, the way things are going, I need anything with your smell before I forget. You're going to cheat on me, and then you'll leave. I already miss you.
The bathroom door is open too, and you look beautiful in the steam. Your back is to the door, so you don't notice me. I want to join you and make you forget about 'B'. I can't though. Not without you freaking out.
So I leave and go back to the shop.
Eddie - [08:55 AM]
You know you're welcome here anytime.
You turn up an hour later, freshly clean and oddly dressed down. Your hair is flat, and you wear sweatpants and a plain T-shirt. It's strangely intimate for you, who normally prides yourself on your appearance. "Hey."
"Hey." I can't talk just yet. There are customers to serve, so you wait patiently until the line is cleared. When the last person leaves, I turn to you, but there are no warm smiles today. You don't deserve them. "What's up?"
You notice, hesitate. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah. You said so." It's not easy to be mad at you, Steve. Not when you flinch and look so upset. I have to keep repeating your messages to 'B' in my head so I don't break. "I don't love him, in case you were still wondering. You could've asked. You didn't need to push me away."
"Eddie…"
"I mean, do you even want to be with me?" You're silent, surprise etched on your face and behind you, Gareth hurries to make himself busy. I sigh, deflate slightly and ask more softly, "Do you?"
"Of course!"
"Who's 'B', Steve?"
"What?"
"If you're serious, if you want to make this work. Tell me who it is."
You laugh uncomfortably and look around the empty shop. Gareth doesn't look up from wiping the tables. He's my friend, Steve, not yours. He won't protect you. But then understanding dawns on your face, and you're angry. "How the hell do you even know about that?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes! You're looking through my phone?!"
"Why do you even have a second phone?!" We're yelling at each other, and a potential customer makes a hasty retreat before even stepping inside. Neither of us is in the right here, but you're not backing down, so I won't either. "Who is it?"
"Fuck you. You don't trust me."
"Yeah. I wonder why? You don't give me enough to trust."
"I gave you so much, Eddie." Suddenly the anger is gone, and there are tears in your eyes. "I thought you were… different. I thought maybe I could love you." And then you harden, stand up straight as the shutters come down. "I guess not."
"Steve-"
"We're done. Goodbye, Eddie." You leave, silence replacing you.
Gareth goes to the door and flips the 'Back in 10' sign. "What the actual fuck was that, Eddie? You guys have a fight, scream at each other and break up?"
"Yeah. Apparently."
"No. Not 'apparently'. Go the fuck after him!"
"Why?"
Gareth throws up his hands and lets out a long-suffering sigh. "I don't know, maybe because you love him? Look, we all say shitty things when we argue. I've done it too. But trust me, if you don't go after him, you'll regret it."
Except it doesn't matter. Because Gareth doesn't know you were going to cheat on me anyway. Well, it's not cheating now, I guess. We're over. The realisation has me weak, and I have to sit down.
You left me.
What am I supposed to do now?
"Eddie-"
"-handle the shop for me. I need a few minutes."
Gareth sighs but nods.
Down in the basement, I pace in the cage. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Your betrayal caught me off guard and messed with my head. I shouldn't have asked about 'B'. How the hell am I supposed to explain about the phone? You're smart enough to see through my bullshit.
I text you, try to get a read on your mood.
Eddie - [11:57 AM]
Hey, I'm sorry about what I said.
Can we talk?
You don't respond. You don't block me either, so there is hope.
The afternoon drags after our fight. The store is dark, and the heating stops working, so it's cold too. It's like the shop is mourning us. Gareth tries to keep things light but quickly gives up when I give him nothing. How can I be happy with you gone? Our bright, budding future has turned to dust.
It's been three days since our break up, and today's the day. You're meeting up with 'B' tonight. I guess you really aren't coming back.
I can't face going to work, and being at home is no better. Wayne looks at me with so much sympathy it hurts more somehow. I want to see you, but you're not home. You haven't been there since our argument. I don't know where you are, and your messages aren't helpful.
You talk about school, reassure Carol as she sends you yet another panic message about Tommy - who has now ignored her for a record month - and continue your ongoing battle with your father about an internship. He's persistent, but so are you. You want freedom, not a job and not a boyfriend.
Wherever you are, you're laying low. You don't want to see me.
It was such a stupid thing to say, to mention 'B'. I want to kick myself for being an idiot. I don't though. I only sit on my stoop and watch for you, even though you're not around. And if you're not planning to come back anytime soon…
The flat definitely feels empty as I step inside. You're not hiding in your room, thank god. That would have been awkward to explain. But it still smells like you, and I can't help sitting on the bed and holding your pillow close. I miss you, Steve.
Where are you?
You answer as the front door opens, and I freeze. Fuck. Of course, you choose today to come home, the day I break and need to see you, to have you close. Well, you're definitely close.
"Hey, Robs? Yeah, I got home fine… uh-huh. No, I haven't called him yet." Your voice floats in from the main room as I hear you kick off your shoes and throw down your keys. "Yes, I will do… No, I won't. Okay, bye."
In the quiet, you sigh deeply. And then… are you crying? It's soft, but the sniffles are unmistakable. Oh, Steve, you must miss me too. I'm sorry.
"Come on, Steve, get it together," you whisper. Then, to my absolute horror, you walk into the bedroom.
How do I get myself into these situations? If this were a rom-com, you would notice me, and we'd laugh about it. But this is real life, and you'll probably call the cops if you find me hiding under your bed. For the second time, I am at the mercy of your awareness.
Thankfully, you don't need to crawl under your bed for anything. It's remarkably clean down here, considering the rest of your room. You strip off and shower, leaving me to stay hidden because I can't risk moving just yet. When you come back, it's like you're torturing me as you stand in clear view with a towel wrapped low around your waist.
You pick up your phone and call someone. My phone starts to vibrate, so I have to press it into my chest to muffle the sound. You huff when the call goes to voicemail and toss the phone aside with a groan. "Oh, what did you expect, Steve? You walked off and ignored him for days. Why would he want to talk to you? Stupid."
You're not stupid, Steve. You've just got bad timing.
I'll call you back, I promise.
When you leave the room, I slowly and silently crawl out. Thank god you're a busy man because you're not staying. A few minutes later, the front door shuts and the lock clicks, allowing me a free sigh of relief. That was too close.
You miss me. You tried to call me. So now I have to get out of here and call you back.
Outside, I'm waylaid by Carol. She appears out of nowhere and grabs my arm, pulls me to a stop. "Eddie!"
"Whoa! Hey, Carol?"
She doesn't look good, there are dark circles under her wild eyes, and she looks around like I might be hiding you behind a tree or something. "Have you seen Tommy?"
"Uh, no. Not since his party."
"Really?"
"Yeah. To be honest, I don't know him all that well." She needs to let me go and never mention this conversation to you. If you find out I'm hanging around your flat… "Listen, I gotta go."
"Wait!" She drags me back, and people are starting to stare. "Please, I don't know who else to ask! Steve won't listen anymore. He doesn't care. You haven't spoken to Tommy at all since the party?"
"No." Now she's crying, and awkwardly, I hand her the bandana from my back pocket. "Sorry."
She dabs her eyes and sighs shakily. "It's not your fault."
Ha.
"Can you talk to Steve? I need his help."
"I'll try."
"Thank you." She's so earnest it makes me feel bad.
I'm not a bad guy, Steve, really. I didn't kill Tommy. The stupid fucker killed himself and left me to deal with the fallout. What an asshole, right?
"Can I?" I indicate my hands, and she lets me go. "Thanks."
"Please tell Steve."
"I will." She leaves, finally. And now I know you're on the outs with Carol too, since she thinks we're still together. Granted, I'm outside your flat.
Which means it's time to go before someone else turns up. I've been lucky—no need to push it. I send you a text on the way home. Now all I have to do is wait for you to respond.
Eddie - [11:22 AM]
Hey, sorry I missed your call. Text me back and we can talk?
I miss you.
You don't respond, but that's okay. You miss me. That's enough to keep me going until you want to talk, which isn't long at all. It's late when you finally get back to me, and I almost break my phone trying to pick it up.
Steve - [10:52 PM]
Come to the shop.
I need to return your jacket.
I forgot you even had it. My eyes find your members only jacket hanging on the end of the bed, and I pick it up. It still smells like you. Not exactly the message I was hoping for, but it's an opening all the same.
Eddie - [10:55 PM]
Give me half an hour.
You're not there when I arrive, but something's off. The front door was already unlocked, which either means Gareth wants to die or someone thought the place was a score. Again, anything of value is locked away tight in the cage, so it was a waste of time if they did break in.
The basement door is open, so whoever it is did manage to get downstairs. The bat was still in place behind the register, so I pick it up, just in case. When I reach the bottom step, I find I'm not prepared for what awaits me.
You stand in the cage, the artificial light haloing around your head like an angel, and you smile. You're wearing my jacket, but your legs are bare, and I almost fall to my knees in front of you. Instead, I manage to get out, "How-"
"Doesn't matter. Come here." You hold out your hands, and you're naked underneath my jacket. No underwear, just you. Hard. You pull me close, guide my hands down, and you're not just hard. You're soft and welcoming. You sigh. Let me go to hold my shoulders. "Eddie, I need you."
"Yeah?" It's insane that I'm still fully clothed, pressed against your almost naked body. You like it though, smile and drag your hands down my chest.
"Take these off." You pull on your jacket that I've got on, and now we're both in the cage. You've covered the floor in soft blankets that are probably more expensive than the records lining the shelves. It's like laying on clouds when you get me on the floor, and finally, we're both naked. "I already prepped, so get your pants off."
Your body is exquisite, Steve. We fit together better than I could have dreamed.
When you try to hide, I won't let you. I'm not Tommy or any of those other assholes. I want to see your face, watch you come undone on my dick. And you do it in the most beautiful way. It's my name on your lips, me pulling those soft sounds out of you and not some random person. I know you, Steve and I see you. You don't have to hide.
You hold me tight when it's over, refuse to let go when I try to sit up. "No," you mumble, then kiss the corner of my mouth and sigh. "Stay a bit longer."
God, I could live inside you forever, inside the cage where no one can find us.
I do stay because how can I say no to you after that? You're a happy and sated puddle in my arms, content to stay with me. When you finally come back to yourself, you say in a soft voice, "Barbara. That's who 'B' was."
"Huh?" For the first time since finding your phone, I haven't been thinking about the mysterious person.
"She's an old friend. Something… bad happened to her. She doesn't trust guys, especially ones she doesn't know. She didn't want you to know about her. That's why I didn't mention it."
Right. Tommy. He's ruined so many lives. It's good he can't do any more damage. I wish I could tell Barbara, tell you, that he's gone. "Oh." And the whole thing seems stupid in hindsight. We fought and broke up because you were trying to be a good friend? "Sorry."
"No, I'm sorry." You kiss my chest and look up with your big brown eyes full of sorrow. "I got defensive and pulled away from you. It's no wonder you thought I was cheating."
"I didn't-"
"You did. Your face, Eddie." You sigh and sit up, pull up your knees to hug yourself. You're pulling away. I can't let you do this and reach out to cover your hands. It gets a small smile out of you, enough to get you to continue. "I've never been with someone like this. Sometimes I find myself thinking I don't deserve you. You look at me like I'm this… perfect person that can do no wrong. But I'm not."
"Steve-" You stop when I lean forward to rest my chin on our hands. "-you're talking like I'm perfect too. I don't deserve you, either. Maybe that's why we're good together. I don't want to lose you again. It's only been a couple of days, and I feel lost without you."
"Me too."
"So…?" I raise my eyebrows, get a laugh out of you.
"So I guess we don't break up?"
"Mmm. We already did that."
"Then we get back together?" You're hopeful, leaning forward so I meet you for a kiss.
"I'd like that."
It's okay. We're okay. The world is a better place as we lay in the cage and wait for the morning together.
You're the one to break away. You sit up and grab your clothes, smiling when I tug on your shirt. "It's not like we won't have sex again."
"Maybe the other way too?"
You pause, look genuinely surprised. "Seriously?"
"Yeah?"
"I've, um, never done that. Not with a guy, I mean. I've slept with girls, but guys just assume I'm… submissive, I guess. I don't mind. Obviously, you know that. But you'd let me?"
Jesus, Steve, you really haven't been treated well by anyone. It's not fair, and the least I can do is give you everything you've been denied. "Of course. We've both got dicks, Steve. We can both use them."
The smile you give me is radiant. "How about some breakfast first?"
Gareth is going to kill us for making a mess upstairs. There's egg on the counter, and it smells like burned toast, but finally, we get an edible meal. I can't help it, Steve. I can't keep my hands to myself. You laugh but indulge me. Happy to be back together too.
I should have trusted you. I won't jump to conclusions again, I promise.
When you come from a broken family, it's hard to trust. I know you understand that. It's why you came back, isn't it? You know what we have is special too. We can't throw it away after one argument.
"So, how did you get into the cage?"
You shrug, lips pulling into a smug little smirk. "I had help. Promise not to fire Gareth?"
"I should. Giving keys out to strangers, stealing the key to the cage…"
"Eddie!" You laugh and kick my foot under the table. "Don't be an asshole. And speaking of that cage…"
"Yes?"
"What kinda shit is your uncle into?" It's my turn to kick you as your laughter tapers off. "Seriously! A fucking cage? That's some kinky shit."
"Oh yeah? Maybe I should lock you inside it then. Keep you out of trouble."
If I didn't know any better, I would say you like that idea, Steve. The way your eyes light up, and you're quick to take a bite of your food so you don't have to talk. Would you like that? I know you like attention, so maybe you would. Lucky for you, I'm already enamoured.
"Maybe you should," you say in a soft voice, eyes lowered, unable to meet mine. "You wouldn't abandon me, right?"
"Steve…"
I don't get the chance to continue. Fucking Carol bursts into the store and makes us both jump. I forgot to lock the door last night. I should be fired too for being an idiot. She sits down next to you and promptly bursts into tears.
"H-he's dead!" She sobs into your arms as you pull her close in alarm.
"Who?"
"Tommy! I know it. He's not on a bender or a 'detox'. Somethings happened to him!"