Darkness fell to her knees, distraught beyond imagination. What had become of her dreams!? Of having her beloved onyx armor torn away by greedy goblin fingers and her supple flesh beset by their claws and, and… She could only fight back the tears that began welling up.
A smoldering crater lay where a proud camp of goblins once stood. A significant raiding force of at least 4 dozen had been atomized in a flash. Not a single body remained.
Kazuma and Aqua were strewn about, having been knocked back by the close proximity blast. Useless as she may be at times, Aqua's buff's had limited everyone's wounds to mere scratches. Megumin laid with her back to the dirt, monologuing about her most recent victory.
"Mere lambs for the slaughter, such a pittance of blood shall not satiate the Crimson Demon King, Master of Explosions and Torment!"
Kazuma, though annoyed that his strategic ambush had been ruined on a whim by their resident demolitions fanatic, still gingerly scooped up the mage in the middle of her monologue.
"Yeah, yeah, you tell 'em, Goblin Slayer," he muttered while adjusting her weight on his back.
Her eyes lit up. "Yes, another accolade! Megumin the Demon King, Master of Explosions, and, and Goblin Slayer!" She snuck in a kiss to his neck that made his knees buckle.
"M-Megumin!" The adventurer hissed.
The others seemed oblivious to their antics. Aqua shook herself clean and went to console their distraught crusader. "There, there, maybe we'll find a nice goblin lord to torment you."
Days had passed since they'd completed the easiest gig on the bulletin for quick cash, and they'd been subsisting off those earnings ever since. Aqua'd threatened to go rogue, but a timely donation of liquor from Dust and the others in honor of the victory over the Demon King had appeased her for the time being.
It'd only be a matter of time until their reward arrived and frankly Kazuma wasn't in a particular rush to get himself killed again while adventuring. Back to the NEET life for him. In the meantime, Darkness busied herself with tutoring the local school children while Aqua led her insurgent movement to topple Axel's Eris Sect.
This had left him with plenty of quality time to spend with his mage.
The two opted to go out to the surrounding hills for their first real date in recent memory. Kazuma laid down blankets while the mage hunted for an optimal target. He'd unpacked most of their gear by the time she settled on a lone kobold that'd been attempting to forage nearby. The little guy was vaporized by a small nuclear payload, not even having enough time to register his own demise.
"Eighty five points. Can't be helped, there's no good targets nearby." He put a hand on her shoulder and used drain touch to pass a little bit of MP to her.
Megumin sulked but accepted the score as fair. "I demand a more fitting location for tomorrow's explosion. My art is limited by the canvas provided!"
He nodded and wrapped an arm around her waist. "How about we go let off an explosion at the now deceased general's castle, for nostalgia's sake?"
"One of our first explosion spots! Yes, yes! That's an excellent idea!" She was giddy with excitement. Kazuma grinned at his own genius, this whole dating thing was easy. All those kissless NEETs just had themselves to blame.
They gathered some twigs together and got a small fire going, just enough to reheat their frog skewers.
Satiated, Megumin tossed her now vacant skewer aside. "Kazuma… A question, if I may."
He looked over at her. "Shoot."
"Were I not available, who would you choose to carry your bloodline?"
I need a lawyer for this one.
Kazuma feigned ignorance. "My, um… b-bloodline?"
"Yes, you the slayer of the Demon King and new wielder of explosion magic. I will happily help you bring about the next generation of heroes, but were it not me, who would you pick among us to carry out this duty?" She stared deep into his soul with burning curiosity.
He was at a loss for how to play this. Should he be honest? Double down on ignorance?
No. I know her. She wants to hear something cool…
Posing like the most tryhard of manga characters he could recall, he broke into his best attempt at Crimson Demon dialogue. "There may be no suitable alternative in this world, for my lover is already the strongest mage and new Demon King, ruler of explosion magic and slayer of goblins. The heavens themselves could provide no better match!"
Oh yeah, I got her good.
She was totally into it. "Be that as it may, should such a cruel fate befall you where the Master of all Mages was not a possible choice…?" She goaded him.
He held his chin in deep thought. "Should the unimaginable occur then I suppose I'd have to settle for Yunyun, the 2nd best mage and 2nd most beautiful among the Crimso-"
She cut him off. "W-Wait! You like Yunyun? What the hell, Kazuma!?"
Her eyes widened and shone with Crimson fury. "No, don't tell me…? Did that beast tempt you with those udders she lets hang about!? I knew her outfit was cause for concern!"
"W-Wuh? Well, yeah, she's easy on the eyes b-but I said the s-second place among Crimson Demons! No one comes close to the number one!" Kazuma raised his hands in an attempt at de-escalation.
Foolish was he for daring to overestimate his capabilities. He should've thrown a total curve ball like Wiz or something.
Having cooled down a bit, Megumin settled for resting her head on his lap. "Well, I can't say it's unexpected. Your Crimson Demon fetish left you with few choices to pick from. And though she may be an inferior mage, she's better than most we know. V-Very well, she may serve as your contingency."
"Oi, I don't have a-! Eh, forget it." He dropped the matter and settled for petting the dormant demon at his lap.
He decided to get a little payback of his own. "C'mon, let's go home and work on the bloodline. Your mom and I agreed that it'd be best for us to have kids before the next winter."
She stiffened.
"You… did you really…?" She didn't dare turn to face him. Dread filled her voice.
"Remember those new rooms your folks built? She told me that they'd handle the babysitting while we go off on adventures and that we need not worry."
At that, she spun around and clawed at his collar. "Y-You idiot! How coul-!"
"Hey, hey Kazuma? It was a joke right? You didn't talk to my mother about these… things while I was in jail, yes?"
She still hadn't dropped it, it'd now been hours since they'd returned to the mansion. Kazuma was completely devoted to his bit.
While the mage panicked, he and Aqua continued work on their most recent masterpiece: Denim.
The goddess' adept hands began dutifully weaving fabric together while the adventurer did his damnedest to try and recreate zipper technology. With their cash reserves dried up until god knows when, the pair had begun scheming once again. Vanir owned all intellectual property rights, sure, but even the Demon was kind enough to offer a small payout for new goods.
Seeing that her attempts at being heard were failing to garner any attention, the wizard huffed and took off.
Should I...?
Romance be damned, Kazuma wanted jeans again. He carefully clipped away at brass bits to try and get the perfect sh-
"I'll be in the bath!" Megumin faintly called out.
"Okay! Keep it warm for me, I'll go next!" The goddess yelled out without looking up.
Jeans be damned, Kazuma wanted romance again.
"I'm gonna, uh, go heat it up for her. She's pretty much dry on MP right now."
The goddess nodded absentmindedly.
Kazuma strutted towards the bath, sporting a confidence only those who have tasted nirvana could channel. He'd almost made it there before running into their perverted crusader.
"Oh, Kazuma! I've been meaning to give you that thing I mentioned a little while back. Do you have a moment?"
Why now of all times?
"I'm actually a bit busy right now. Tell you what, how about I swing by your room when I'm done?" Kazuma tried his best to look mildly annoyed like anyone with actual work to do would.
"M-My room?" She blushed. "Y-Yes, I'll wait for you."
With that, she scurried off. Once the sound of her door shutting was heard, he crouched down and stuck to the wall.
"Ambush." Kazuma whispered.
No further distractions should arise now. He skulked in the shadows and gently opened the door to the bath. Peeping around the corner of the changing area, he spotted his mage. Perfect. He pondered his options for a bit. He could go back outside and walk in casually like he hadn't just infiltrated the area, but that seemed like a waste…
What would a Crimson Demon do?
Megumin sulked as more time passed. Leave it to Kazuma to miss the most obvious signal one could give. While she was still concerned at the strategic ambiguity employed by the adventurer regarding a certain comment, she did miss their… intimacy.
The leap from more than friends but less than lovers had not improved their situation much. Other than their previous night in the bath, they'd still largely slept in their own rooms and limited themselves to gentle kisses and cuddling when outside of the public eye.
It was a mutual hesitation. While bold in isolation, unless provoked the mage really didn't have the guts to do something as basic as hand holding around town. Regardless, it left her wanting for more. Lovers shouldn't be so deprived of touch...
A gust of cold air and the creaking of a window frame knocked her out of her train of thought. Her head snapped to the source: A man clad in all black, donning that awesome mask she'd seen twice before.
Kazuma emerged from the window frame in his certified badass thief get up. Megumin had mere seconds to turn her head before being assaulted by the next step of his devious plan.
"Bind." A soft rope flew towards the mage and knocked her on her butt as it wrapped around her. He dashed forward.
She moved to yell only for a gloved hand to cover her mouth. Kneeling down to her eye level, he raised the mask a smidge. Just enough for the most important details to be made out.
"Cool, huh?"
The mage's eyes widened in recognition. Still, Kazuma was thorough. He would leave no room for misunderstanding. His gloved hand dug into his pocket and produced the fan letter he'd received from the Crimson Demon long ago.
He waved it smugly before forcing his lips on hers. The mage eagerly accepted the kiss and moaned happily as his tongue did it's work. He pulled back and grinned.
An awestruck look filled the mage's eyes. "C-Cool…"
He spun a dagger in his hands and sliced off the weak rope, taking in the sight of her body in the moonlight.
"Deadeye." With one smooth motion the blade flew across the room and lodged itself in between the door and its frame, jamming it shut.
"So cool... Kazuma…" She pawed at his mask, still in disbelief.
He roughly grabbed her by the back of her head and drew her in.
"Agh! K-Kazuma!?" Her admiration was quickly replaced by a mix of fear and excitement.
"Y'know, I had half a mind to steal you away as well back at the castle." He smiled to himself. Smooth.
What followed next was a night almost as passionate as the one before.
With the liberal use of ambush, the duo managed to sneak back to Megumin's room. It'd been just in time as the goddess had gone in to use the bath just moments after.
The arch-wizard now lay next to him with glowing red eyes and a near-permanent blush.
"Y-You were so much more confident and, erm… powerful this time around."
The choice was made then and there. The mask would forever stay on during sex.
Darkness sat silently on her bed. For what felt like hours now she'd waited patiently for the adventurer, not daring to leave for water or a bathroom break in all that time. Her cheeks grew only more flush as her clock ticked on.
"My heartfelt gift ignored once more! To have made it clear twice and for that brute to not so much as come by to reschedule! Am I a mere ant before his mighty heel?" The thought of it was reward enough for her patience.