Precipice by shadowsong26

Aftermath: Chapter 4

Padmẻ had been in public service for over a decade and a half, and it took every single drop of skill and experience gained from every single moment of every single one of those years to keep her composure, or at least a decent facade. Despite her best efforts, though, that was pretty much all she was accomplishing at the moment. She knew she wasn't paying nearly as much attention to Palpatine's speech as she should have been. She was noting down what few key phrases did penetrate, at least. And, of course, she was recording everything, to analyze later. Hopefully, by the time she sat down and went through it all, she would have stopped reacting and would be able to think again.

I trusted you, she thought, numbly. Not so long ago. You were my friend, my advisor...I trusted you. I put you in power. I ruined Valorum, on your advice. I didn't suspect you until it was already too late.

It all seemed so obvious now, in hindsight. Little things, starting from that moment in his office when he'd first suggested that kriffing no-confidence vote; little things that had led to...this. How could she-how could any of them-have been so blind?

True, she (and others) had recently become concerned about some of his maneuvers, especially in the last few months of the War. But she doubted any of them had realized exactly how far Sheev Palpatine was willing-let alone planning-to go to maintain his power. She knew she hadn't. And Anakin had-

She closed her eyes briefly. She could not afford to think about Anakin right now.

"The Jedi hoped to unleash their destructive power against the Republic by assassinating the head of government and usurping control…"

That, Padmẻ knew, had to be a lie. Whatever differences the Order had had with the Senate in general and Palpatine in particular, she knew they wouldn't have launched a full-scale coup. True, the recording of Master Windu attacking the Chancellor was damning, but-

But it's only a partial recording. Incomplete, due to damage to the surveillance cameras sustained during the attack. Supposedly. Ha. Who knows what's on the parts Palpatine won't show us? If Master Windu did something that drastic, I'm sure he had a good reason.

And now they would never know what that reason was. But it had been the excuse Palpatine had used to-

She clung a little tighter to the arms of her chair, focusing on keeping her face at just the right level of impassivity. She found herself missing the makeup she'd worn as Queen, heavy and annoying as it had been to wear all day, every day. It had been so much easier to keep her thoughts off her face with that mask to help.

On the other hand, makeup or no makeup, she might not have been having so much trouble keeping it together if she'd known what the hell had actually happened in the Temple the night before. And, yes, it was stupid and petty and selfish of her to focus on-on the people she loved, to fret herself to pieces over what had happened to a handful of individuals, all while a man she had admired and trusted until all too recently was methodically destroying everything right and good in the galaxy right in front of her. All while there were so many dead. Even if she couldn't trust the reported numbers, she knew hers were just a handful of drops in an ocean.

But all Padmẻ could think about was how no one had contacted her. She'd tried reaching out-to Anakin, to Bail, to Obi-Wan, everyone she could think of. She'd even tried tracking down contact details for Ahsoka, in case they'd gone to ground and sought help from her-she wasn't a Jedi anymore, after all; she should have been safe.

No response, from anyone.

He would have called. If he was-he would have called. So that must mean…

She blinked back tears again, angrily this time. She'd done more than enough crying last night; her head still ached from it. She had to do better than this. Too much was happening, and she couldn't afford to miss any of it.

She took a deep breath and tried to force her full attention back to the speech. If she could just focus on the bigger problems, maybe she'd be steadier. Find the professional distance she needed to survive this. Besides, she had a duty here, as a reasonable, halfway-decent sentient being, let alone a Senator.

"Our loyal clone troopers contained the insurrection-"

No such luck. Palpatine's words just washed over her.

Padmẻ knew she was failing in that duty, she knew this was important; she knew they-she and the others who had signed the Petition of Two Thousand, and their more discreet allies-would need to move quickly and decisively to try and fix this. And to do that, they'd need all the knowledge and perspective they could get, as soon as they could get it.

But, despite her best efforts, all she could think about was Anakin, her Anakin; who had been falling apart at the seams for lately. He hadn't been sleeping, and she knew some of that was the dreams (dreams about me, did I do this to you, why couldn't I comfort you enough, why couldn't I help you), some of that was the stress of being put between the Chancellor and the Council (which was a terrible idea, why couldn't they see that using him like that, especially when he was already off-balance, was a terrible idea) and maybe some of it was some level of-maybe he'd sensed some kind of disaster coming, if not the specifics (at least I know he wouldn't ever have agreed to this, not my Ani).

And then he'd been in the Temple when-

He's good. He's strong and he's skilled and he's the best at what he does. If anyone could have survived that-

But Anakin hadn't been sleeping. He'd been unsteady, on edge, more volatile than usual. The state he'd worked himself into...she'd been worried about him even before the attack. Obi-Wan had been, too. (And what about Obi-Wan? Is he alive? Dead? Lying injured and alone somewhere?) And, officially, while there were presumed survivors scattered about the galaxy on missions, no Jedi had escaped the Temple alive.

Of course, she kept telling herself (because otherwise, no matter how hard she tried, she would start crying again), 'official' reports aren't always completely accurate. And that was true even last week, before all of this happened. Who the hell knows today?

No word on Anakin, or Obi-Wan, or any of the other Jedi she knew and cared for, and that was bad enough. But Bail was also a constant ghost in her thoughts-she'd let Bail talk her out of going to the Temple herself, and now Alderaan's box across the chamber sat empty, a mute reproach.

She didn't have any idea where he was, either.

Padmẻ wanted to bury her face in her hands, but she couldn't afford to let any of her distress show. And she may have been spiraling out of control internally, but she still had at least that much presence of mind. She settled for leaning forward as best she could and resting her chin on her fist, trying to swallow back her guilt. Bail Organa had a wife, they were trying to have a child, and the only reason he'd been at the Temple was because he'd wanted to protect her. If he had-if anything had happened to him, that was on her. I'm so sorry, my friend. I shouldn't have listened to you. I shouldn't have let you walk into that hell. I'm so, so sorry.

There was movement behind her in her box. She ignored it; the combination of her private misery and the horror unfolding before her left no room for anything else. Motee and Typho would handle it, if it was a problem.

"...and the Jedi rebellion has been foiled…"

"What's happened?"

She let out a startled breath and turned. Bail!

He was alive. He was alive, and she was so relieved she could have strangled him.

Why didn't you call me you promised you would call me tell me what's going on tell me if he's alive please I need him to be alive-

A decade and a half in politics kept it all off her face, but her voice shook a little as she answered. "The Chancellor's been elaborating on a plot by the Jedi to overthrow the Senate."

He twitched a little, but nodded as he took a seat beside her. He was much better at maintaining his surface calm than she was; she doubted anyone except her, and maybe Motee and Typho, could tell how disgusted he was by the lie.

There was a fresh bruise on his face, she realized, getting a better look at her friend-he'd tried to cover it up, and done reasonably well; but she could still see it up close. "What about you?" she asked. "Where have you been?" How could you be late to this session how could you just disappear like that you promised me you'd call why didn't you call me?

He shifted a little in his seat, delaying his response by watching Palpatine for a moment.

"The remaining Jedi will be hunted down and defeated."

"Bail?"

He sighed, and, keeping his eyes on Palpatine, chose his words with obvious care. "I was...delayed. I apologize for not updating you sooner, but my errand...it wasn't as successful as I hoped it would be."

Her breath caught in her throat as the universe stuttered to a halt around her.

She thought she'd made peace with it last night, with the fact that Anakin-her Anakin, her husband, the father of her child-was probably dead. As the hours had stretched by with no word, she knew, some part of her knew, that…

But it was one thing to guess, and another thing to hear it, straight out.

I can't-oh, Ani, no-

The baby shifted inside her, the purely physical sensation rooting her back in the present; reminding her of everything that was at stake, everything she still had left to lose.

"The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed…"

She took a deep, shaky breath, and tried to focus on Palpatine again. Act now. Grieve later. Remember who you are. Remember where you are.

At least she knew now. And if it wasn't-if it was the farthest possible truth from what she'd wanted…

At least she knew. At least she was no longer stuck in that horrible limbo of mingled hope and dread.

Bail was watching her out of the corner of his eye, his face composed into a mask of serene attention. "But I was…I was able to retrieve your package."

...what?

Her heart skipped a beat. If she was parsing his on-the-fly verbal code properly…

That means he knows.

Really? she asked herself. Really, Padmẻ? That's your takeaway here?

"So," she said, and swallowed. "So, not a complete loss, then. Your errand."

The baby kicked hard, and she slid a hand surreptitiously under her cloak to try and soothe him-her? Your father thinks you're a girl, little one. Thought? Thinks. Bail said-

"It was damaged in transit," he warned her.

...damaged…?

The bottom fell out from Padmẻ 's universe again. Which is it? Is he alive, or is he dead? How bad-what do you mean, damaged? Damn it, if only you'd gotten here sooner, and we'd been able to talk somewhere private!

She shook her head, trying to derail that train of thought before it got out of hand. Stop it. That isn't helping. "We can...we can talk about this later," she said. "After the session. My apartment?"

"Of course," Bail said. "I'm sure we'll have a great deal to discuss."

"Yes." She felt herself flushing a little at the reminder, though she was sure Bail hadn't meant it that way. You have a duty here. You can't do anything more about Anakin right now. At least you know you have real, dependable, first-hand information coming. You're better off than you were ten minutes ago. But if you don't find your kriffing self-control…

She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and resolutely turned her focus back to Palpatine. With actual answers on the horizon, and confirmation that at least one of the people she'd been so afraid for was alive, it was easier to shelve her personal problems for the moment and devote her full attention to the galaxy's.

"In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire!"

The Senate gallery burst into cheers.

The baby kicked again.

What kind of world am I bringing you into, little one?

Part of her wanted to be charitable, on her colleagues' behalf. Surely, not all of them really meant it.

Some of them are probably just...afraid, she told herself. They don't want to draw the mob down on themselves. But how many? And will we be able to convince them to take a stand later?

Problems for tomorrow. But for today...

"So, this is how liberty dies," she murmured. "With thunderous applause."

She felt Bail's hand on hers, warm and reassuring; steady.

We will fix this. We will find a way. Whatever-wherever Anakin is now…wherever you are, my love, I promise you that I will not allow this to be the galaxy our child inherits.

"For a safe and secure society."

For a free and peaceful tomorrow.