Chapter 29: Overwhelming Power
My powers were starting to frighten me. Things that once took concentrated effort now only took a thought. Moving a patch of mud to see the barrier used to take enough effort to equate just digging it out by paw. Now, I could wipe away a meadow of mud with the same amount of effort. It was disconcerting. Remembering my own panic attack after our meeting at the barrier to Starclan, I realized my own emotions were the biggest threat to the Unseen Stars. I had to suppress the shiver of fear that ran down my spine as flashes of what could happen if I let them out of control passed me by.
I was paralyzed by my own fear, not for myself, but for my family. Foampaw, while hardy by cat standards, was as fragile as a snowflake to my power. Buzzardkit, I'd been playing with him not ten heartbeats ago, but now with these thoughts, I feared even touching him would send him splattering against the wall. I was too powerful. My strength, once my sense of purpose and means to protect my family, now presented a threat. Could any cat restrain me, stop me? I shook my head to clear my thoughts, but my fear manifested as a sharp cutting wind that sent most cats in camp scattering to the available dens. I froze again, afraid to move. I was already out of control.
As gingerly as I could, I fled the camp, deeper into the Darkforest. I hoped if I got far enough away, my powers wouldn't reach the camp. I felt fear but also desolation. Everything I'd been working towards didn't matter if I could obliterate it all in a moment by accident. How could any cat be trusted when even the slightest nudge by them would carve a path of destruction a forest wide? I couldn't even trust myself to not kill Splitpelt and Frecklewish. It would destroy me to see them killed, so I ran.
Splitpelt and Frecklewish felt the surge of power emanating from me, but their own beliefs had founded a bond I hadn't known about. They could feel it, my fear. They could feel the source of my fear. This is what they'd been dreading but preparing for. That violent lash of wind that sent every other cat in camp running was only a breeze to them now. They'd been growing their strength and refining their souls. Their purpose was to aid me, no matter what the consequences. As I raced off into the forest, the two began to follow.
Tears rained from my eyes as I began my self-imposed isolation. Why must everything be taken from me? I am a monster, something so dangerous Starclan dedicated their last prophecy to observing. Maybe Dawnfur was right. My shear existence would cause deaths. Mother of Murder was a fitting title. I willed forth a cave of onyx to house myself, uncaring of the mud clinging to my form. It's what monsters deserve. I didn't even curl up, letting myself wallow in my misery.
I could faintly see my sky through the trees. My star was blocked by a tree branch, but I could see the second and third star. Frecklewish and Splitpelt, at least they'd keep my family safe. I held my paw out as if to grasp those stars out of the sky. I could still feel them out there. My heart ached. How could I feel so much love for two cats and never be able to touch them. It was my kits all over again. We're now of two worlds, and for their safety, I'd have to disappear.
Splitpelt and Frecklewish found my fortress of misery with relative ease. Given their own powers, they had the capability to sense the emotion behind another's powers. Behind mine they felt fear, sadness, depression, and resignation.
My fortress was a stark black with spikes of obsidian facing inward. If one looked closely, the entire structure resembles a cat skill with the mouth being the entrance. My own powers chose their shape and definition based upon my fears. Where I laid, there was no light besides those two stars which filtered through the structure's eye sockets. I was tempted to shut out the light, to shut out the temptation, but I couldn't bring myself to look away from the last two things that gave me the smallest smidgeon of happiness. I stared at those stars waiting, for what, I knew not. Maybe oblivion? Maybe I'd be here until I was nothing but an echo still facing those two stars. A slightly amusing thought. Maybe I'd wait for the day of prophecy, and then I'd let myself be faded after destroying the pulses.
Then I heard it.
"Mapleshade?" Cried out a voice I was all too familiar with. It was Frecklewish, and I was scared.
"Go away!" I roared out.
The ground churned in waves at my roar. I could feel them. They were so close, and I didn't want to hurt them, but my powers were too much.
"Mapleshade!" Yowled out Splitpelt. He was here too? I could feel nothing but dread at their appearance.
"Stop it!" I screeched in my panic. Lances of stone shot from my cave towards the approaching cats. I didn't want to hurt them, but my instincts were screaming. The lances shot faster than anything I'd ever seen and I waited to hear the wet strike of stone against flesh, but I instead heard something akin to stone on stone. I peaked out, and the two were ok! Frecklewish was in front with fragments of stone scattered around.
"Please just go away! I don't want to hurt you!" I wailed.
More javelins of stone launched out and shattered. I dared not look at what I'd done.
"We're not running away Mapleshade!" Yowled out Frecklewish.
Fine. I'd just have to show them why I was unsafe. The maw of the cave slammed shut as waves of obsidian spikes emerged from the ground. I struck out, unwilling to look into the eyes of my opponents and loved ones. The blades, fantastically sharp, would have reduced a standard cat to ribbons and a powered one could still be easily ripped to shreds. I expected them to retreat. I expected them to run, but instead they stood steady. I could feel them, my blades shattering to shards against an indomitable force. I pushed harder. Please just run.
Splitpelt kept close behind Frecklewish who bore the brunt of the attacks. Each strike felt like claws racing across her skin, but she wasn't willing to give up. She pushed onwards, each step a battle of wills. It was soon like pushing through a wall of blades, but Frecklewish was driven. She would not concede. With the maximum of her strength, she pried the paw of the cave open and Splitpelt made his move. He was racing towards me, but I feared to touch him.
"Please! Just stop!" I pleaded as new rows of spikes formed. These were far sharper and more destructive than the blades I'd used outside. These would have left deep scratches on even Frecklewish. They slid forth, circling and zipping like a pack of hounds who'd just found a new plaything. I stared, awaiting his death like he had greencough. I couldn't look away froth the tragedy I was about to cause.
Splitpelt walked with confidence as the blades approached. There were only four, but he could feel how much power I put behind them. The blades were my pinnacle of destructive capability, only hampered by my reaction speed and the effort it took to change the direction of such an immeasurable force. He started with a jog before pushing into a dead sprint. The blades were closing in. I stared unable to look away.
Then Splitpelt split into four. Each blade followed a cat. He raced and weaved, leading my blades on winding trails with ruts down to the barrier forming behind. Two of the cats raced towards each other as their own blade followed. At the last second, they moved, vanish, reintegrated with the other two. My blades were unable to correct in time causing them to strike each other. An explosion of obsidian fragments scattered across the room detonating the other two blades.
That must have killed him, I thought, but then a form condensed into being again. It was him. I was so happy he was still alive. I hadn't killed him after all.
"Come on Mapleshade. Let's go home." He mewed gently.
"But… I tried to kill you. I'm dangerous!" I cried.
I felt him nuzzle against me. "You aren't dangerous. You were just scared. That's why you have us. That's why we're here. You don't have to be scared. You won't hurt us, and we won't hurt you."
"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone, but these things I can do… I'm scared." I mewed quietly, almost a whisper.
Frecklewish had made her way over at this point and was settling down beside me.
"You don't have to be scared. You're gentle and kind. These powers you have don't make you a threat. You shouldn't be afraid of them because they are a part of who you are. You'd never hurt those you love. All those attacks you sent; I could feel it. No matter how much you wanted us gone, you couldn't make yourself go all out. You could feel our limits and kept it under. Why? Because you didn't want to hurt us. You've told me belief is the basis of our powers. It's a reflection of who we are. You aren't a monster. You're a cat. One who's experienced far too much and loves too hard. You don't have to shoulder it alone. We're here." Frecklewish mewed.
I let them cuddle me as I cried myself to the equivalent of sleep. When I awoke, they were still there, warm and safe. I felt for the first time in a long-time content. With those two by my side, I wasn't worrying what the future may bring or what guilt still clung in my mind. It was peacefully empty of those thoughts. As we departed, I gave one last look back at my cave of misery, but that suddenly didn't suit it. The skull-like shape had shifted into more of a full cat head. It didn't look so dead as the onyx had shifted to marble. The field covered in shards of obsidian now grew grass with the occasional flower. It looked peaceful, like a place of rest and change. That is what happened here, so I guess that place came to reflect that.