Chapter 38: More Than Mapleshade
My powers were still growing at a frightening rate. In fact the growth rate was getting faster. My awareness, which once only extended a certain range around our camp, was now at the level of omnipresent throughout the whole Darkforest. I could actually feel the edges what was supposedly an endlessly sized afterlife, and it terrified me. I could feel everything at once, and I actively had to ignore over ninety percent of everything I felt to keep from a sensory overload. I actually had a few days' worth of time where I was "sick." I was nauseous, disoriented, and overwhelmed. It took concentrated effort not to scream as I covered my ears firmly and closed my eyes tightly. Even without those basic senses, there was still too much.
The only thing that kept me sane was Splitpelt and Frecklewish pressing themselves against my sides. They didn't leave me. I felt every cat who came to visit and witnessed my weakness. First it was Foamriver, my first adopted kit. I dared not look up in case another bout of nausea would hit me, but I felt her. The cat, who I'd once raised and knew how to brighten any cats day, was filled with fear and pity. It rang across her very being how much my current condition was hurting her. She loved me as her real mother and once thought me invincible. This affliction I was confronting broke that illusion. She once thought my only weakness was my soft heart, but now she could see what was once the source of my strength was attacking my very being. I felt her tongue rasp over me a few times as a faint hope shined in her, the hope that I'd win whatever this fight was.
The next to visit was Snowtuft. He was largely an unemotional cat, but he had a sense of justice. I had managed to tighten my senses somewhat and chanced opening up my hearing again. Snowtuft was unlike Foamriver. What filled him was not pity or worry. He was filled with confidence and unwavering loyalty. I could feel him stare down at me and a wave of protectiveness radiated from his being. He had the aura of a lion, willing to kill to protect me. He spoke to me.
"Mapleshade. You've given me the only home I know. You've trusted me where others tried to kill me. You gave me strength when I felt weak, and gifted me an apprentice who taught me as much as I taught her. I owe you everything, and I don't plan to let that go unrepaid. The cat who gave me all that won't fall to an illness, so until you get better, I will protect you and every cat here. You can trust me that I won't fail."
With that he left. The news of my illness had traveled. Northstar, Potentpaw, Shellstar, and Patch weren't in camp, but I could feel them out there. They no longer were just two teams of two. There were more, and I could feel their conviction, their solemn prayers. Each was directed at me, giving me both strength and intensifying my illness. I could feel their belief. I was their leader, their matriarch, their founder, their… god, mother of their clan home and barer of their hopes.
My attention shifted. I could feel something shining throughout my whole camp. It was this prayer and belief. It resonated through the camp with each cat in camp amplifying the power. It was a wish, one directed toward me. I could even feel some of this prayer originating from the reflection pool and the Starclan border. Where the reflection pool wafted out this energy like a gas, the Starclan border energy squeezed through the gaps in our divide like an ooze. It wasn't just my kits and Birchface. It felt like whatever council had gotten wind of my condition and prayed for my recovery as well. I felt like I was drowning. This energy was invading me, making me sick, and burning my soul. It was too much for just a cat.
That was my revelation. It was too much for just a cat. This power could never be wielded by just a cat, but what if I wasn't just a cat. It was like a pressure had lifted. It was still intense, but something had changed. I couldn't be a cat, at least not anymore. For my sake and those who believed in me, I had to be more. I had to be something beyond. I needed to embrace this new energy and stop limiting myself. I couldn't just be Mapleshade, founder of the Unseen Stars. That role was too small, too weak. If I remained that cat, this energy would incinerate my soul. It was time to stop holding back.
I began to pull on the energy, dragging it into my being, and I pulled hard. The miasma of energy began circling me, speeding up and swirling as I dragged in more. It was a whirlpool of energy with me at the center. As I kept pulling it in, I could feel it pulsing beneath my skin, bottling up with intense pressure. I felt like I could explode from the intensity, but I did not yield. I pulled harder. This cloud of energy which once flooded my camp and stretched all the way to the Starclan border was now compressed until it actually became visual as a tornado of light. The cats in my camp could only watch in awe as I dragged it into my being. The cat known as Mapleshade was no more. I was the Mother Mapleshade. The energy was soon gone, dragged in its entirety into myself.
The process was not complete. I had all this energy in my being, but it was not yet mine to command. It churned aimlessly, threatening to break free. I used my own energy to give it direction. It was time for a change, for an ascendance. I guided that energy though my being, giving it paths through my muscles, bones, and nerves. I could feel this change. The blood that once flowed red through my veins was replaced by this energy, both an ocean and a river of intense power. My heart no longer served to move blood but instead acted as a bottomless well from which this new energy flowed to and from. Even my brain underwent a change. As the energy moved through it, I could feel myself thinking faster, processing more. That once overwhelming stimulus now was manageable, possibly even second nature. It was like a sixth sense, to just now know without thought. What once took concentrated effort now felt as easy as seeing. It just happened.
I opened my eyes and stared at my two companions and mates, their eyes wide with shock and wonder. I could feel their devotion and love radiate from them. This change hadn't changed their feelings. I looked at my new form. I looked the same, but somehow it also felt different. It was like I had this presence, something that just announced I was more than a cat. As I looked closer, I could see our sky wavering through my pelt. Our stars shined from my form when I desired. The most prominent was my star, resting on my forehead and somehow acting as a guiding beacon. It demanded worship while somehow inspiring fealty. It emitted a warm glow that somehow felt like nostalgia and love, like a mother curled around her kits in the nursery. I had changed into something beyond cat, an aspect, the Mother of all who came to her side. Starclam had been right in their prophecy. I had become the Mother of the Darkforest.