I don't own these characters; Disney/ABC does.
A/N: long note at the end of this. Didn't put it in the beginning because it kind of contains spoilers. Also, some weird nudity.
7: He Had It Coming
Regina and Emma met Snow at a little cafe in Mist Haven. It had been a busy couple of months, so Snow jumped at the chance to sit down with her sister and sister-in-law for longer than the couple of hours allotted at Emma's surprise party, even though they explained they wanted to meet to discuss money. Of course, money was no object to Snow, so it did not matter to her. Right now, it was everything to Regina and Emma. Even with first time home buyers' through Emma's job, they did not have enough for a down payment on their dream house.
"It's so good to see you both without a huge crowd of people around," Snow said with a pleasant smile.
Regina would hardly call Emma's favorite people "a huge crowd," but she was not there to argue with Snow. In fact, you have to be on your best behavior with Snow. Of course, even if she was mean, Snow would trip over herself to make Regina happy… which would more than likely make Regina unhappy. It was a vicious cycle.
"It's good to see you, too. Sorry, we've been so busy," Emma replied.
Snow shook her head. "No, I get it. You had a lot on your plate. It was nice to see you on your birthday, even if we didn't get to talk much. I didn't even get to ask if you got all the pictures I sent." Nolan liked to stand up now and he had a tooth. She had texted both Emma and Regina pictures, which they both cooed over because, damn it, that baby was adorable.
"We replied to the pictures. But, yeah, there's been tons of stuff to do," Emma said.
Snow leaned in a little closer and put her hand on top of Emma's. "Is it all sorted yet?"
"No, about halfway, which is why we needed to sit down and talk with you," Emma answered.
"You can help us get through a sorted mess," Regina said. They both knew Snow would jump at the chance to help.
Snow grinned, but they did not get a chance to elaborate just yet. A waiter came over to take their drink orders. They all had to literally shoo him away when he started going through specials and such.
"Okay," Snow said, attention back on them. "You did say part of this was about money. Let's get that out of the way, so we can enjoy our time together before David calls and tells us he managed to get injured watching two children who barely move."
Emma chuckled. "I can't blame him. I'd do the same. Plus, Henry moves a lot if you wind him up right. Anyway…" She straightened. They had agreed she would do the bulk of the talking since Snow was her sister. Although with the way Snow was taken with Regina, Regina probably could ask Snow to pull down the moon and Snow would make it happen. Regina would never, though.
"You two are the same person at this point, which is why you get along so well," Snow replied, comparing Emma and David. Regina had to physically bite her tongue on that one. Hopefully, there was no blood.
Emma shook her head. "Not entirely the same. I'm sure his credit is better than mine, which is where the money thing comes in." That was a good way to bring the conversation to the topic at hand. Regina patted Emma's thigh as encouragement.
Snow's face scrunched up a little, not expecting the shift. "What's wrong with your credit?"
"It's pretty much nonexistent since I don't have any major bills or junk anymore. We're trying to buy the perfect house—" Emma did not make it further than that.
Snow squealed. "That's so cute! You can have space for when you have more children."
"That's the plan," Regina said, resisting the urge to put a hand on her baby bump. In a few weeks people would definitely notice, but she was not ready to say anything.
"Is it possible for me to see it?" Snow asked.
Emma scoffed. "That's easy as hell." She pulled out her phone.
They had photos and videos from their walk-through not too long ago. Emma started to scroll as Snow looked on. Snow gasped often, even though the house was nothing compared to the luxury she grew up surrounded by and the manor she currently lived in. She giggled at a few videos featuring an overly excited Henry and his "hype-man" Emma. Henry had almost come out of his shoes at the sight of the backyard and then almost jumped through the roof when he saw the size of what would be his room.
By the time Emma finished showing off the house, their drinks were in front of them. Regina already sipped half of her strawberry lemonade, but Emma ordered her another one when food orders were taken. Regina hoped Snow was too distracted by the house talk to notice she was eating a burger and onion rings. She really wanted a burger with a fried egg on it, though. She also wanted some of Emma's fries. Snow poked at her own pasta salad, not commenting on the food at all.
"You know, I could buy you the house as a belated wedding gift," Snow said, very casually before having a forkful of her food. "Has to be better than the air fryer you asked for."
Emma gasped and almost dropped her burger. Wincing, she managed to catch her food. "I love that air fryer! I'm getting real good with it. And, we would much rather you loan us the money to buy the house." She had to lick sauce off of her fingers as she tried to fix her burger.
Regina nodded, ignoring the way her body tingled as she watched Emma's tongue out of the corner of her eye. Focus. You can get this out of the way and then direct Emma's tongue places you'd like it to be. She locked eyes with Snow. "Be our mortgage broker."
Snow visibly deflated. "Oh. Is your credit also bad?"
"Apparently," Regina replied. In theory, her credit should have been nonexistent, like Emma's, as she tended to buy things in cash. She never wanted to leave a paper trail for Cora. Not that Cora needed a paper trail to find her and her goings on. Perhaps in a spare moment, just to relieve boredom, Cora decided to ruin her credit and here they were.
"So, you want me to loan you the money for the house?" Snow asked.
"We had papers drawn up." Regina held up her briefcase. It was such a good thing to know Kathryn and be on good terms with her. "You can have your lawyers look them over."
Snow scoffed. "Don't insult me, Regina. You know I'm more than willing to help you both and I trust you." She turned to Emma with glistening eyes. "I really wish our father would be the one to help."
Regina really wished Snow would not do these things. It was fine and good for Snow to love Leopold. That was her father, but they all knew what he did to Emma. Emma would rather pretend he did not exist than listen to Snow hope for him to turn it all around.
Emma scowled, putting her half-eaten burger down. "I never want his help. He doesn't get any piece of my life, especially not the house where my kids will grow up, not the house the mother of my kids will spoil them rotten in and deny it, not the house we'll host holiday parties and have holidays, and not the house we'll build a family in. He made his choice."
A sad smile settled on Snow's face. "I know, but he chose wrong. I wish he made a different decision. I wish he would see he was wrong and try to make it up to you. How can he not see that having you around and Regina only enriches us? I'm so happy to have both of you!" Now, there were giggles from her. She ate more of her salad.
Emma smiled. "And we're happy to have you."
Regina would never go that far, but Snow was good to Emma and good for Emma, so that was enough. Plus, Henry loved his aunt and Snow loved him. For all of her clumsy sayings and well wishes, Snow never made it seem like Henry was not a part of her family.
"With the money issue sorted, let me remind you my birthday party is in a couple of weeks. Are you two ready?" Snow grinned and squirmed in her seat.
They did not need the reminder. Her birthday was almost a month after Emma's. It bothered Snow, but she did not talk about it often… anymore anyway. She probably got it out of her system when she was pregnant. It was a topic she often brought up to Regina. The pregnancy probably made her think of her mother being pregnant with her while Emma's mother was somewhere out in the world also pregnant with Emma. It was a lot, Regina would admit that. Leopold left his daughters with a heavy weight, but they tried to carry it together and press on. Good for them.
"For another formal party, no," Emma answered as she shoved more of her burger in her mouth. She glanced at Regina as she stole more of Emma's fries. Regina shamelessly shoved them into her mouth, her onion rings almost gone along with her own burger.
Regina laughed. "But, we'll be there. I've picked her dress and everything. It's fine."
Snow gasped. "You'll wear a dress?"
Emma curled her lip. "Contrary to popular belief, I'm not against dresses. I just hate being told what to do and Leopold always wants to tell me what to do, so when he said 'wear a dress,' I'd wear anything but." She finished off her burger. Her fries were now Regina's, though, and she better not touch them without asking nicely.
Snow smiled. "Well, I'm glad you're going to wear a dress. I promise it'll be nice. I don't want it to be stuffy like the parties Dad used to force you to go to. It'll be full of friendly faces."
A small smile covered Emma's face. "It's okay, even if it is. It's your birthday, Snow. I'm just happy you want me there."
"Of course I want you there!" Snow grabbed her hand. "I want both of you there." She looked between Emma and Regina.
"And we're going to be there," Emma promised. "Can't ditch you after you came to my little surprise party, right?" She chuckled.
"You loved it," Regina said as she finished up her food.
Emma did not deny it, even though she had expressed hating the idea. She seemed like she had a good time, though. She bumped Regina with her shoulder.
"Maybe I'll do that for you since I obviously can't do it for Snow," Emma replied.
"You do that and we're getting divorced, at that very moment," Regina said and they all laughed.
From there, the lunch was quite normal. Regina had to hide a sudden wave of nauseous that hit her as a waitress walked by with a plate of… Regina did not even know what. The scent seemed familiar for a brief moment, like her brain wanted to grab it and hold onto it, but then it was gone, leaving behind something that wrecked her. Her stomach swirled and churned. She fought down the urge to vomit and calmly excused herself to the bathroom. She was surprised she made it there without losing her lunch. She was not surprised Emma followed her hardly a minute later and got to hear her losing her lunch.
"You okay?" Emma asked from outside the stall.
"Fine. Just a reminder our next one is there." And despite how awful she felt and how horrible vomiting actually was, she could not be happier.
"Tadpole really hates seafood, huh?"
"Is that what that was?"
"Yup."
"Please tell me it was sea bass or salmon and not shrimp."
"I didn't get to see. I just noticed how you dropped a little when it went behind and that made me more alert. I realized it was seafood, but that's it."
"So horrible, robbing me of even the smell of seafood." Regina hoped that did not last the whole pregnancy. She really needed shrimp in her life.
Emma laughed. "It'll be worth it. Promise."
"Oh, I know." Regina finished in the bathroom. She went to the sink, rinsed her mouth out, first with the tap and then with mouthwash she now carried in her bag for when the baby decided to be unruly. "Do you think Snow suspects?"
"Nah. She just thinks we're extra lovey-dovey and I can't even let you go to the bathroom without missing you too much. Should I be worried she thinks that's loving and not creepy and controlling?" Emma's brow wrinkled.
"Snow gives us plenty to worry about. Pick your battles." Freshened up, they returned to Snow, who indeed thought it was cute they could not let each other out of their sight. A tad worrisome. They might need to check on David and make sure he was all right.
Snow did not show any signs of guessing why Regina actually went to the bathroom. Lunch over, they all returned to their boys. Henry wanted to stay with David longer, so the two families ended up having dinner together. Thankfully, there was no seafood and Nolan was as giddy as always to see his aunts.
-8-8-8-8-
Emma could not help admiring herself in the full length mirror in their new bedroom. They had only moved into the house a few days ago. It was rather bare, as they did not take much from the condo. Even the stuff they took from the condo, like the bed, Regina planned to replace as soon as possible. Emma was not worried about that for the moment, mostly focused on this stunning dress.
Regina had picked out a gorgeous red dress for her with black trim, matching Regina's own gown. Emma's dress fell just below her knees while Regina's went almost down to her ankles. Both dresses hugged their bodies and made Emma just want to stare at Regina all night. That would be a valid way to pass the evening, especially that ass. She smiled at the thought.
Emma actually found herself looking forward to this event. It was her first with her wife, her first as Snow's sister rather than Leopold's daughter. It was the first time she felt comfortable in her own skin. She had nothing to prove.
Better still, Regina had nothing to prove. This was her first function where she was not being paid to appear on someone's arm. It probably would not affect her much, since the moment Regina stepped into the party, people would be looking to her for money advice. No one ever approached her about all the great sex stories she had to have, not even Emma.
"Are you sure you don't want a driver to take us? We can arrive in style," Regina said after she put the finishing touches on her makeup.
"Or we could not arrive at all. Do you have to look like this? Does your ass have to look that good in everything? And have you seen your lipstick?" Emma wanted to take Regina's dress off her right now and kiss the blood red lipstick off of her lips.
Regina smirked. "I have. And it'll be perfect until I come back here and smear it all across your neck and torso since Ruby has been kind enough to keep Henry for the night."
Emma groaned. "Do you want me to show up to this party hard because damn! You're already dressed like that. You don't have to make it worse." Her hands would be glued to Regina's ass at this rate, partially because Regina's ass was amazing and she could use Regina as a shield to hide the raging erection she would have.
Regina chuckled, darkly. Not a good sign. "Oh, you haven't heard the worst of it yet."
Emma shook her head. "Please, don't!" She would love to be teased, but not before her sister's damn birthday party. What the hell were we talking about before I walked into this mess? "I want us to take your car because I want to arrive as us. I'm proud and happy as us."
"Yes, happy as Emma and Regina Swan-Mills." Regina hooked her arm around Emma's. "Ready to hear your father's mouth?"
"Yeah, because I'm going to ignore him. It's Snow's night. She's the one who matters." She just wanted to celebrate her sister. Screw Leopold.
"It is, so I promise to be nice to her."
"Thanks, babe." Emma kissed Regina's cheek.
"And I promise to be nice to you when we get back."
"And by nice you mean mean, right?"
Regina smirked. "If you want me to be mean, yes."
Emma wrapped her arms around Regina and nipped her ear, careful of her amazing up-do. "You know I like it when you're mean."
"Then, we get through this, you survive Leopold, and when we get back, I will be very mean to you."
Emma kissed Regina's neck and then they were on their way. Snow's party was at some huge, elaborate hall with a beautiful garden all around it. It looked like a palace from a fairy tale. Emma had come expect that of the super rich nobility.
It was a little funny having Regina drive her classic Benz up and it looking like a junker compared to every other vehicle. There was a valet there, but he seemed confused to actually have to park a car since every other car had a driver. Emma had to hold in laughter when Regina handed over her key.
"Should we have done something this grand for your birthday?" Regina asked with a teasing smile.
Emma put her arm around Regina's waist as they walked through the garden to the front steps. "Only if you want me to run away from home."
"Never. Henry still hasn't forgiven me for the last time." It was a joke, but also kind of true. Henry did seem to worry Emma could leave them at any time, which was also why he was so insistent everything between them be official.
Emma grinned as they made it to the open double-doors, just past some great columns. People milled about inside. Just from the glimpses she got, this was definitely a younger crowd than the parties Leopold used to drag her to. Still, Emma doubted Snow would call any of these people her friends.
"Besides, I loved my birthday. First, it was like three things in one. I mean, we had dinner, which was great. Then, I found out I like surprise parties and then we went to that dino exhibit because Henry felt excluded from my other birthday stuff. It was so awesome and since Henry saw it before, he had a lot of good material to share. I don't need another birthday ever," Emma said.
Regina scoffed. "Well, you'll be getting more. I promise. I just know to include Henry in at least one aspect now or he'll revolt."
Emma laughed. "I love that about him." He stood up for his principles, like his mother.
"You're so good with him."
"I'm doing my best. I want to be the parent I needed."
Regina nodded. "Me, too."
The party was as expected, decked out rooms through the whole hall with people everywhere. Classical music hummed through the place with live instruments going in every room. Emma spotted Leopold almost immediately. She had a talent for it, not just with him, but with people she wanted to avoid in general. She would be on guard for him, making sure not to share space with him. She would also make sure to steer Regina away from him, even though Regina probably did not care. Regina would definitely curse him out if given the chance.
Everything was normal for a while. Regina worked the room as expected, even though many people seemed reluctant to engage with her. Emma was not sure what that was about, but she would bet it had something to do with Regina's mother. Still, there were brave souls who approached Regina, asking her opinions on stocks and finances. Emma stood by her with a smile that said, "yeah, that's my wife!" And then Snow approached with David at her hip, both smiling.
"We're about to do a toast and I wanted to do it with you two," Snow said. She was dressed to the nines in a white ball gown, matching gloves with rings, complete with a diamond tiara on her head. She looked cute, even though it was a little over the top. But, hell, it was her birthday, so more power to her. David had on a dark blue three piece suit instead of a tuxedo like most of the other men and he was quite dashing. They were an attractive couple.
"That's sweet," Regina said, but she looked at Emma with a quiet panic. Regina could not toast, at least not with alcohol, and it would be quite noticeable when she passed on a flute of champagne and requested water instead. Maybe Snow would not put two and two together.
Emma nodded. "Yeah, very cool. But, Regina's driving us home, you know." Plausible excuse to refuse a drink. Not that I should need an excuse to not drink.
Snow laughed. "One glass won't impair her. And it's my birthday!"
Regina's face tensed, but she tried to smile through it. Of course, that only made her look deranged. Emma put her arm around Regina's waist to calm her down.
"Better safe than sorry, you know?" Emma said. "Wouldn't want to chance making Henry an orphan." See, it was not just about their safety, but Henry's well being. Surely that would be enough for Snow to drop it, right?
"It's just a sip for the toast," Snow replied just as a server wandered by with flutes. Snow grabbed two and David grabbed two. David handed one to Emma while Snow tried to give the other to Regina.
Regina put up her hands in refusal. "No, thank you, really."
"Come on, one sip! In my honor." Snow smiled and tried again to pass the glass.
"Snow, she said no," Emma huffed.
"But, why? It's just one—" Snow gasped and her eyes went wide. Emma tried to move to cover Snow's mouth, but she was not fast enough. "Regina, are you expecting? Oh, my god!"
Emma was certain the party stopped, all chatter and even the music halted, and all eyes were on them. It felt like an eternity of silence passed between them and from the smile on Snow's face, it was clear she did not think she did anything wrong. Emma had to resist the urge to tackle her to the ground. Regina's glare at Snow was laced with so much venom it was a wonder Snow did not drop dead on the spot.
"This is why I tried to warn you not to marry her!" Leopold bellowed, pushing over to them as if his opinion had any value. "You've barely been married for two months and she's already cheated!"
Emma moved in front of Regina before Leopold got in her face. She glared at him with the same intensity Regina did. "Hey, back off," Emma ordered through gritted teeth.
Leopold's face was already bright red. "How can you still defend her? She's having a baby and it obviously can't be yours. Do you really want to raise a gaggle of Regina's illegitimate children?"
There was so much there and Emma went for the low hanging fruit because how fucking dare he! "Guess that means I'd be doing more than you for any illegitimate kids, huh?" She did not wait for a response, needing to shut him up for all eternity. "But, once again proving you don't know a damn thing about me, that kid is a hundred percent mine. Henry's also a hundred percent mine, but fuck you, adoption is valid."
"She's got you under her sexual spell!" Leopold barked.
Emma was about to go off and Regina had to know because she grabbed Emma's hand, pulling her away from the situation before she did something to get arrested. Leopold must have thought he had the upper hand because he came after them, like an idiot. Regina was trying to save him and he just spoiled all of her hard work. Regina stopped when they came to an empty alcove in the back of the place.
"Everyone doesn't need to know," Regina simply said.
Emma nodded. How did Regina even know what she was about to do? It did not matter because with or without an audience, Leopold was about to shut up forever.
"Emma," Leopold said in that fake soft voice as he caught up to them. "I only want you to have a proper, real family."
Emma glared at him. "Like you? Where I get to pretend my bastard child doesn't exist as long as I send her mother money to drink herself to death? There used to be so many days where I wish I never figured out who the hell you were, but I got Snow out of this mess and she's worth it. Plus, I met Regina because of you, so it's worth it." All true.
"Emma," he tried again.
"No!" Emma shoved her finger in his face. "You think Regina cheated on me because she's pregnant. You're such an asshole you didn't even think maybe this was something we talked about and had done together, as a couple. You immediately thought the worst of Regina and you immediately questioned my intelligence. You think you were completely right about our entire relationship. Well, newsflash, I got Regina pregnant!" Emma puffed out her chest. "That's my kid, even though Henry's my kid, too. But, yeah, I did that." She motioned to Regina's stomach.
"Emma—" He was going to stop saying her name like that.
"You think you know me, but you don't even know about this!" Up went Emma's dress, but she could not get the full effect of her reveal because she had on underwear and damn pantyhose.
"Emma!" Leopold turned away.
"Look, you coward!" As she managed to get the damn underwear and hose down enough to breathe. "I'm probably way more hung than you!" Now, aside from resenting that she got the girl and her mother did not abort her, he could choke on the knowledge that her dick was bigger. Ha!
"Emma, please!"
"Maybe you should just rub it on his forehead," Regina commented dryly, which got his attention.
That got his attention enough for him to turn back and then he realized it, so he turned away again, but had to have seen. He did a double-take and stared right at Emma's dong. She really did want to slap him in the forehead with it. He gawked, mouth open as he finally saw her. It seemed like he could not look away.
"Yes, so she's carrying my kid. There was no cheating. And, just for the record, two women with matching parts can still have a kid together. Adoption is valid and insemination exists. Fuck you and your backwards ass way of thinking." Emma pulled up everything and straightened out her clothes. "Just in case you didn't figure this out, you're the problem, not Regina, not Henry, and not me. It's you. It's all you. You've been the problem since you fucked my mom without protection right before you got married to Snow's mom, like the selfish bastard you are. Let's not even talk about how you were a bastard even entertaining the idea of marrying Regina when she was only a few years older than me and Snow and you're older than Regina's father. You're fucking disgusting."
Emma pulled Regina along, wanting to return to the party. She also made sure to knock Leopold with her shoulder as she passed. Regina kept up with her and then managed to fall in step with her as they made it back to the hall.
"I thought that would be much worse," Regina said.
"I flashed my fucking father my cock. How much worse could it have been?" Emma asked. Oddly enough, she felt proud of herself for every single thing.
"I always imagine you punching him once you get your final say," Regina replied.
Emma nodded. "I think about it a lot, but he's an old dude and I just can't actually do it. But, I think that was good enough."
Before they could say more, Snow was in front of them, talking too fast for Emma to understand. Something told her that none of it was an apology, though. Regina seemed to catch enough to respond. Emma was not sure how, but thankfully someone could say something.
"Your father is physically fine. He might be in shock at the end of the hall." Regina pointed behind them. "I'm sure you'll understand that we're going to go."
Snow blinked. "Go?" She whimpered. Did she really expect them to stay after that nonsense?
"Yes, as you can imagine, this is a bit much," Regina replied, eyeing scanning the crowd of nobles and wealthy people just staring at them like they were a carnival sideshow.
Snow just gave a slow nod. Somehow, she was in shock now. Emma loved her sister, but she damn sure did not understand her.
"We'll talk to you later. Happy birthday." Regina gave both of Snow's cheeks a kiss. Emma just followed along and allowed Regina to lead her back to the car.
Emma breathed a sigh of relief once she was in the car. "Thank you for that."
Regina rolled her eyes as she pulled out into the main street. "You made a spectacle for me and our family. The least I could do is get you to safety afterwards."
Emma smiled. "Thank you."
"Please, stop saying that." Regina reached over and grabbed her hand. "There's nothing to thank me for. We're a unit and we take care of each other."
"That's true. So, now what do we do?"
"I believe we pick up our son, go get pizza, and watch a movie on our living room floor."
That sounded very nice. "I don't get why you didn't want to take the couch from the condo to the house."
"The couch from the condo was mine. The house is ours. We need to pick furniture together."
"We could still do that, but until then, we'd have had the couch from the condo, just like the bed."
"I could still put you out of the car, you know," Regina pointed out.
"You'd have to explain that to Henry, though."
"I'll just tell him the fact that you didn't make it proves you're not the Mighty Thor." Regina smirked.
Emma gave a dramatic gasp. "You wouldn't! Kill me and then throw dirt on my good name to my kid. The nerve."
Regina snickered, but they did exactly as she said. They picked Henry up from Ruby and stopped for pizza. They got home, changed, and then had pizza on the living room floor while watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles yet again. If anything, that proved Regina would do anything for Emma and Henry.
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: Cora shows up to make things worse, as she does.
A/N: this chapter contains the prompt/request that made me want to write this story. It took a few years, but here we are.
Dance of Pales: I love this story (Things Money Can't Buy). With Leopold going on about Emma giving birth to a child and how her relationship with Regina is not normal, I can see one last encounter happening with him before he left her life forever. Some point after the wedding, Snow invites everyone over (maybe Nolan's birthday) and hands everyone a glass of wine to celebrate, but Regina refuses. Snow, queen-of-no-tact that she is, all but screams 'Oh my God, are you pregnant?' they say yes. Leo gets a gleam in his eye and starts asking about sperm donors and IVF. When his questions are answered in the negative, He accuses Regina of having an affair and cheating on Emma, he then demands Emma leave her. A back and forth begins with Leo on one side and everyone else on the other, until Emma's had enough. She walks up to Leo, looks him in the eye, 'Regina's having MY baby' then drops her pants. Leo's reaction would make Lily's look like loving acceptance and ends with him calling her a freak of nature and no daughter of his, before being thrown out by Snow and David, never to darken Emma's doorstep again. Sorry, this popped into my head when you said everyone knew but him and I thought it would be the perfect way to be rid of him.