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Chapter 110

Escape and Consolation

Leah

On Thursday, I held myself upright.

Marcus just needed some time. Some! Time!

In the evening then, I lay in bed shaken.

It was the first evening we didn't talk on the phone.

On Friday, I was nervous.

We had actually arranged to meet today. I had firmly expected that he would be there after school or would show up at my house a short time later. When I realized that he wouldn't be in touch, I emotionally broke down.

I locked myself in my room crying with loud music and just wanted another day to go by.

After I had no sign of life from Marcus by late afternoon on Saturday, I couldn't take it anymore. I ran downstairs to the terrace, threw my clothes off me and raced into the forest.

My heart ached and breathing became difficult for me.

I wanted it to stop. Why did it all hurt me so much? After only two weeks with Marcus? It had been easier with Ben. Yes, I had cried a lot, but I had gone on living. I didn't want to kill myself. No way! I wasn't depressed enough for that. I wanted to run away from the sorrow inside me. No matter where, the main thing was to get away.

I didn't pay much attention to which direction or how far I ran. At some point I stood high up on a steep coast directly on the sea.

I looked into the waves. Without thinking, I just watched.

How a rising point was formed in the ocean. It slowly crawled towards the beach. Thereby it became higher and higher. And faster and faster. How it broke and thousands of small water droplets sparkled in the light of the almost setting sun. One wave after the other. It calmed me.

In the meantime, I thought I sensed Jake's presence in my mind, but I didn't react to him. I ignored everything except the soothing waves.

My gaze slid along the edge of the surf until sunset set in.

This image was so beautiful that it pained me.

I phased back. I sat down on the cold stone beneath me, pulled my legs against my body and clasped them with my arms.

This was exactly the image I had in my mind when I perceived Marcus' smell.

I closed my eyes and lay on my side. I cried softly to myself.

I heard a far away "Leah," but I didn't move.

I held on to my dream. I didn't want to let the dream escape. A dream in which I was walking with Marcus on this beach in this sunset.

But it was no use fighting back.

Whoever bothered me was persistent.

"Leah, my darling!" I heard the voice far closer already.

Damn.

I was awake and opened my eyes.

Dad. Of course. He always had such shitty timing.

"Hey ...!" he complained.

I stuck my tongue out at him while he handed me his sweater. He sat down behind me, his arms holding me a bit, and he took out his phone. I looked at the display with my head leaning against him.

He started a conference call: Mom, Carlisle, Emmett, Jake, and Jasper.

"I found Leah. Healthy and rested," he told everyone.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and asked in confusion where the hell I had been.

I closed my eyes.

What the hell had I done?

"I'm sorry," was all I said, and Edward quickly ended the call.

I hadn't thought about the fact that someone might be looking for me or that anyone might be worried. I just wanted to leave, but I hadn't said anything to anyone. I hadn't even paid attention to whether anyone was at home. And apparently everyone had been looking for me. 'I'm sorry, Dad!' I thought one more time and lifted my head a little to be able to look at him.

"Don't worry about it, Leah. The main thing is that you're okay!" he said softly, stroking reassuringly over my arms.

I leaned against his shoulder again, but looked down at the beach.

Where was I, anyway? I don't know that I've been here before.

"See those lights far back there?" asked Dad quietly, pointing far out over the sea to the right.

I nodded.

"This is Boston. And behind us, somewhere, is Gloucester."

I swallowed.

I was a hundred miles away from home. I knew I had been running cross-country and haphazardly through the woods for quite a long time. But this far? How could he find me here?

"Throughout the forest, your smell was everywhere and nowhere. You seemed to have been running back and forth with no destination on your mind. That's when I called Jake. He phased and told me what he saw through your eyes. That's how I found you!"

'My own brother didn't join in the search?' I thought, offended. But also a little relieved. Who knows what I had kept the others from with my rash departure?

"He's out with Becky. He would have come right away, but it wasn't necessary. I just needed a direction from him to find your trail again ... And we all would drop everything if someone in the family needed help," he explained quietly and gave me a little squeeze.

It did me good somehow to just sit there with him. Away from everything.

For some time we sat in silence and my eyes wandered again over the waves and the beach.

The beach where I saw myself walking with Marcus in my dream. Why did that have to hurt so damn much?

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Edward gently.

"About what? That the wolf ruins everything for me?" I voiced venomously.

"It doesn't have to be that way this time. You've heard that his parents want to separate. Maybe that's why he is still not really thinking about it. I don't think Marcus will withhold his decision - whatever it is - from you. I rather think that he does not yet know definitively how he likes to deal with the truth. Or maybe can get around with it. Unfortunately, you can only wait," Edward comforted me.

"I'm not very patient!" I interjected, offended.

"I know. And I know how hard waiting can be," he said softly, and I looked at him questioningly. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to wait for your soulmate when everyone around you is already happy?" he asked, and I nodded.

That was my fucking life!

"Eighty-six years long!" he followed up.

I let my head fall against his shoulder again.

No. I didn't have a clear idea of that right away. I found the past three days already sufficiently bitter.

"I was very lonely during all that time. With each new member in our family, this loneliness became more intense. First came Esmé, who quickly fell in love with Carlisle. She was like a mother to me from the beginning. Then Rose, who Carlisle changed with the hope that more would develop between us than just sibling affection. Then she found Emmett and was happy. Alice and Jasper showed up with us as an already inseparable couple. Three perfect couples, practically tangibly surrounded by their mutual love ... And in between stood me. Alone. Everyone found their mate. Only I did not. I believed I did not belong in this world. I felt completely out of place. Often I thought about putting an end to this existence."

I raised my head in fright.

Did I understand that correctly?

"Yes, Leah. You have. I had thought through countless ways to leave this life behind. What would I continue to take on this existence? Alone. Unhappy. Getting more melancholy every day ... But eventually you are rewarded for waiting. So, I found not only Bella, but also Jake and you! The many years of loneliness and then agony after I left Bella again mean nothing ... When I look into your eyes today, then I am happy and feel alive!"

"I love you, Dad!" I said softly as I hugged him.

"Me too, little one!" he murmured.

His arms wrapped around me a little tighter and he breathed a kiss on my forehead.

I really liked it when he called me that. I smiled a little to myself. I was officially four months older and also taller than him. Still, I liked it. It somehow showed me that I was his little daughter without really being little. Did that make any sense? Probably not, but it just sounded so loving from him.

So, we sat there for a long time before he asked if we should run home.

I nodded.

We stood up, I gave him back his sweater, and we ran home side by side.

Once there, I fell almost directly into bed. I was dead tired by then.

But first I apologized to Mom. She was already in bed, but immediately startled when I quietly opened the door.

David sat with her.

She looked battered. Apparently, he had taken care of her and did not want to leave her alone.

I should have told her or at least left a message. The way I've been since yesterday, I shouldn't be surprised that she was really afraid I would hurt myself. But I hadn't intended to do that. I had only wanted to run away. With the intention of coming home again, of course. Only about the 'when' I had not been sure.

Although I felt a little better after this 'trip', I still cried again when I finally lay in bed.

Whether one is rewarded for waiting one day or not, that time was cruel.

The next morning, I was woken up quite violently.

Something was sitting on me, tickling me out and continuously screaming, "Leah! Wake up! Leah! Wake up! ..."

I recognized the lively voice immediately.

Emma! I would have given anyone else a hard slap in the face - but Emma just infected me with her cheerfulness.

As an apology, she carefully handed me my cup of coffee and sat down on the bed with me.

"What are you doing here so early?" I inquired.

She pulled a face.

"Everyone's still asleep at home. That's boring!" she whined.

Then she was lucky to have a vampire in the neighborhood, I thought, chuckling.

"Did you make breakfast with Edward again?"

"Mmm ... mmm ...!" she said, stretching proudly. "Is your boyfriend coming again, too?" she asked, giggling and putting a hand over her mouth to hide it.

On the one hand, this hiding was in vain, and on the other, her question let revive my grief. A stitch in my heart.

"What's wrong, Leah?" the little one asked anxiously.

"Oh nothing," I said, wiping away my tears. "I don't think Marcus will be back anymore."

"Too bad. I thought he was nice," Emma noted.

"Me too, Emma ... Me too," I said, trying to suppress a sob.

Didn't succeed so particularly now, which caused Emma to squeeze me very tightly.

Mom came into the room.

"I think you need to help Edward. He's forgotten how to make real cocoa!" Mom said to Emma.

We both chuckled as Emma walked out of my room.

She complained angrily about how someone had to teach Edward everything, though.

"Good morning, sweetheart!" Mom sat down with me and gave me a kiss on my forehead. "How are you today?" she put her arms around me comfortingly.

"I don't know yet," I said truthfully. "Emma is pretty good at driving away a bad mood."

"Take heart, Leah. Marcus will be in touch with you. I'm quite sure he will. He would be kind of a jerk if he let a girl like you get away!"

I nodded, but was anything but convinced. I looked at the alarm clock.

It was already 9:38 a.m. It had somehow settled in that we had breakfast at ten o'clock on Sundays.

Mom noticed my gaze.

"Jake and Becky have been gone all night, and they're not here yet. We figured you probably didn't want to run alone, so we didn't wake you up earlier," she explained.

I nodded in agreement.

I generally didn't feel like running. Neither alone, nor with Jake. But I wanted to have breakfast. I still wasn't hungry, but I still needed to eat something. And maybe I should take a shower beforehand.

The shower did really good, but it didn't wash away my still crying thoughts.

That would have been too easy.

I put on comfortable clothes afterwards.

I wasn't planning on going out today. I could bring myself to wear a bra, but otherwise it was just a thin top, sweatpants, and an old sweatshirt that was actually already tattered.

In the meantime, Jake and Becky were back again - in good spirits as usual - and hurrying to get under the shower themselves.

To save water, they took showers together. Jake had said. I believed his every word 'of course'.

On the way downstairs, the two of them stopped me at the open door. Almost ready dressed, they stood by me, and each put an arm around my waist.

They were probably just holding on to each other behind my back. It did not bother me. I was glad for the happiness of the two of them. They were a kind of ray of light for me.

Worried, they asked how I was doing.

"I don't know yet. Emma woke me up. That was quite distracting," I explained, smiling slightly.

"You tell me when I can do something for you! Whether you want to cry on my shoulder or talk. Whether you want to run through the woods or just not be alone. It doesn't matter. You tell me!" demanded Jake and Becky confirmed it for herself.

I nodded.

Already touched by their care.

"Thank you!" I said sincerely, and the three of us took each other in our arms.

"If you can't depend on me, your own brother, who else can you depend on?" asked Jake another rhetorical question he didn't want an answer to.

I answered anyway.

"Mom and Dad, maybe?"

"Point for you!" he gave me a kiss on the cheek.

We walked down together. Halfway down the stairs, the bell rang.

There was probably someone coming to pick up Emma.

I opened the door in passing and already turned towards the living room.

It smelled so delicious, like scrambled eggs with bacon, that my mouth watered.

Suddenly Jake was standing in my way - with a nasty face.

"You can't just open the door without looking to see who's standing there! What if a thief is standing in front of it?" he meant in all seriousness.

"A thief?" I doubted. He was just messing with me. Sonya or David would be standing there.

"Yes! A thief! ..." Jake sparkled at me militantly.

I raised an eyebrow challengingly.

"A thief ... who stole your heart!" he then said quietly, turning me toward the front door.

My heart skipped a beat. I could not believe what was appearing before my eyes. I blinked a few times, but the image remained the same.

There stood Marcus. With a single long-stemmed red rose.

He smiled tentatively. Slowly he came towards me. I looked into the dark eyes that held me captive. And then his hand on mine brought my body to tremble as he knelt in front of me. His deep voice vibrated in my head.

"Leah! Please forgive me for being such a jerk. For running away without a word on Thursday. Leaving you nothing but that cowardly letter. Not getting back to you once. Having to think about it for so long. Not talking to you about it ... Please, Leah! Forgive me!" he begged.

"Okay," was all I could say.

My head was no longer capable of more.

He rose. With a relieved smile and a look that took my mind away. One hand gently slid to my cheek, the other with the rose around my waist.

Mine, on the other hand, rested indeterminately against the muscles of his upper body. We were almost the same height, insofar I had to lift my head only slightly to dive into the rich black of his eyes.

How often I had imagined those eyes.

I saw the scar and immediately ran my index finger over it.

How often I had it in front of my eyes in the last few days. His beguiling smell. Like the sunset last evening. I had definitely put on too many clothes. A hot shiver ran over my skin.

For an endless moment we stood there just looking at each other.

"I love you, Leah!" he whispered.

I heard my heart going crazy. As if it wanted to intonate some melody, but I didn't recognize any. For me, it was simply a jumble overflowing with joy.

"I love you!" I replied rapturously, and our lips found themselves in a devoted kiss.

Nothing seemed important anymore while everything was spinning. My head, my hands, my heart, the whole world.

Our tongues danced soulfully with each other. They seemed to never want to separate again.

I felt his heartbeat against my chest, and it was racing. Like my own.

My whole body pulsed more violently the longer we stood there, just kissing. My hands on his neck tickled through his hair and pulled him towards me. His gentle pressure in my back made me shiver joyfully.

Only a strange inappropriate ringing ended our all-consuming kiss.

Still, we did not let go of each other. His hands on my waist, mine on the back of his neck, our heads leaning against each other. My heart was still jumping, and it just wouldn't stop. But I was jostled.

Of Emma running toward her father.

"A very good morning to you!" David smiled at us.

"And how nice," I mumbled, a little embarrassed.

"I see!" was all David said and walked past us with a grin.

But behind him I perceived Jake, chewing, leaning in the doorframe.

The butterflies in my stomach paused for a moment, folding their little wings in front of the body, and I blinked the rose-colored glasses away from my eyes.

"Did you know that?" I asked. Because that's exactly how he looked. With that arrogant 'I told you so' gaze.

Marcus drew my eyes back to his.

Wow ... How dark they are. How gentle his gaze is... Wait!

I was about to hiss at my brother.

"Becky and Jake were with me all night telling me about themselves. They made me realize that the wolf doesn't rule your whole life. He is a part of you that you are proud of and, in my opinion, can be very proud of. Even if you can't tell anyone but your family. You live with him. Very consciously. But yet, you are still yourself. Jake explained to me that there is only one question that matters. Whether or not I can love you as I have come to know you. And I love you, Leah! With all my heart!", Marcus said softly, and I kissed him again until I didn't have enough air left to breathe.

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