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Chapter 129

Am I Sick?

Bella

After Edward had gone to school this morning, I had actually Googled the term 'sex addiction'. Because I could no longer completely deny this constant urge to merge with Edward,.

But Wikipedia only gave me little insight. According to it, hypersexuality was a disease that was '... often primarily triggered by negative social consequences, such as conflicts in the partnership, financial burdens, or professional results.' None of these reasons applied to me. And I certainly didn't feel sick! I just felt physically attracted to Edward. It was just stronger than usual. Well.

I closed the internet on my phone and drove to Portland.

I had not been to Milton Stewart for a week. But it felt like months. It had taken me some time to mentally find my way back into my dissertation. But I would not give up and Milton also silenced my mental self-reproach for this sloppiness. One had to give oneself a break in between and should not constantly think about work, which would certainly not run away. I had all the time in the world to finish my paper.

It had really worn me out, so I was glad to be able to drive home in the afternoon.

I felt so beat up that I laid down.

But I was awakened very nicely. Although I felt exhausted, I still felt the incredible lust to feel Edward completely.

I realized for myself that I was definitely not sick. Only in love with a supernatural angel.

Unfortunately, we had an appointment.

And then, when we could have had the house to ourselves, I thought a little annoyed.

However, I hadn't really seen Edward's siblings in a few days and was actually looking forward to seeing them. What they would say. Emmett and Jazz, about hunting. Rose and Alice also hunting, but with their credit cards.

Then when I got out of Edward's car, I stopped outside for a moment and was ...

Shocked? Fascinated? A mixture of both? I wonder if Alice had left some Christmas decorations for the rest of the U.S.? I doubted it. But I couldn't help myself, somehow I liked this absolutely kitschy and cluttered facade.

Shaking my head and in a good mood, I continued toward the front door while Edward steered the BMW into the underground parking garage.

I liked being here. Generally on the huge grounds, but also in Esmé's and Carlisle's house. It was all so bright and cozy and friendly. Apart from that, all the residents of this property were also kissable.

I hung my jacket on the wardrobe and put my handbag aside. A quick glance in the mirror.

My hair was a complete mess. My fiancé could have pointed that out to me. I was certainly not vain, but on my way to the door of the little room I combed my fingers through my mane. Emmett always had a nose for what we had done and at the same time always had an appropriate line in store when we encountered him disheveled in any way.

I opened the door and got the shock of my life.

It was almost empty. No picture on the walls, no carpet on the floor, the chest of drawers had disappeared, no flowers on the windowsill and under a spread linen cloth I suspected the two chairs that had actually stood at the side.

I sank to my knees and let the backpack fall.

That's exactly what it had looked like in the Cullen's' house after they left Forks. Left me. My heart broke in two. They would go again. They were already making their preparations. Starting in the most unimportant room of the house for them. The last days had disappeared in my thoughts, instead the pain of that time overtook me. As if he had never been gone. As if I had not been happy a single day since then. The bridge where I once stood to leave my life behind loomed familiar and confident-inspiring before my eyes as I stared into the empty room. The pain in my chest constricted my throat. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I was threatening to choke on the pain. Time was melting away. Seconds, minutes, hours? I didn't know.

"Bella!" I heard muffled against my ear.

It sounded so far away. As if a person under the bridge was calling invitingly for me. I would follow him.

"Bella, dearest! Breathe, please! Bella!" I heard again, but it sounded closer.

Something pulled me backwards, but other than the pain, I felt nothing on my skin. I sucked in the air sharply between my teeth as my angel's hallucination slipped into my gaze. Not that too! That was too much! How dare my head confront me with his face! As if it was taunting me with my pain!

I struck against this image, wanting to chase it away, but my hand struck against cold stone. I remained in disbelief.

My hand was held, by another cold pale hand. Soft marble lips laid down on my fingers.

"Bella. My angel. I'm here and I won't leave you alone anymore!" whispered a tender voice.

Arms pulled me firmly towards a cool body and I was gently cradled while a well-known melody was hummed softly by my ear.

My lullaby and it worked. Edward was there.

I calmed down, closed my eyes and held onto his sweater. Weak and completely exhausted, I lay in Edward's arms.

I opened my eyes, startled, when I perceived a babble of voices around me. I almost fell asleep, but now the reality quickly returned to my consciousness.

I lifted my gaze and looked into the rich golden eyes of my angel who would never leave me again. I knew it.

I smiled slightly.

"Bella, my heart," he gently caressed over my cheek. "What frightened you so?"

I didn't dare speak, it felt so scratchy in my throat, so I just pointed my head into the barren room.

Edward looked into the room. Wrinkles of thought appeared between his eyes, almost making me chuckle. Then he seemed to have understood it and looked at Esmé, who was crouching anxiously around us like all the other vampires.

"Bella, honey. I'm renovating the room just for Jake and Leah. I never liked it as it was, and since it was only used as a storage room, I left it that way. But now it's my grandchildren's dressing room. They deserve a pretty and friendly room," Esmé explained to me meekly.

I nodded and hid my face against Edward's chest, ashamed.

How stupid of me.

From my completely exaggerated fear I could quickly separate myself. Esmé and Carlisle showed me confirmingly the room next door. In there stood some paint buckets and still packed pieces of furniture.

"We would have been ready too, but Alice had called us all together. She has a wedding to prepare, after all!" Esmé smiled at me and hugged me.

Yes. A wedding. My wedding. With an angel.

I laughed again.

Then, while Alice and Rose happily recounted their trip to Montreal and Edward didn't let go of me for a second, I pitch into Esmé's homemade cookies in the midst of my vampiric family.

They were delicious!

The two ladies had had a lot of fun, spent a lot of money, and had almost all their Christmas presents together.

That I had forbidden them to give me any presents - already twenty years ago! - they had probably forgotten. And thereby the vampires were so proud of the fact that they never forgot something!

"Balderdash!" fluted Alice as happy as a sandboy. "I already have your present!"

I sighed.

Great. Oh well. I guess it didn't help to disagree. I already had theirs, too.

Emmett and Jazz also shared their perspective on the hunting trip. They teased Edward with remarks about how he had tried to catch a small cougar without his vampiric skills. He was scratched and hissed at.

Esmé made it clear to me visually how she imagined the little room.

My breakdown was by now nothing but embarrassing to me. How could I have gotten the idea that everything would repeat itself?

Carlisle reported that on the way home from the hospital, he had been with both Becky and Jules. The volleyball season was now on hiatus until next year, but Becky was officially allowed to practice again. Also, Jules's hand was progressing and only a light bandage was needed.

"Eleazar invited us, by the way, Edward. All of us. Bella and the kids, too," Carlisle said at some point into the boisterous mood when we had been there for some time.

"That's nice. To what?" I asked, because I couldn't think of anything else to say. My vampires had told me about the Denali clan. That they were more than just good friends who would surely show up for the wedding too.

"Eleazar is celebrating his 300th birthday," Esmé said.

I tried to imagine such an 'age of life' and just shook my head awkwardly at it. Carlisle was older, though he only looked to be in his mid-twenties.

"Jazz has already booked the flights after Carmen called earlier. We're flying out on Wednesday and coming back on Sunday."

"We won't be flying with you!" Edward surprised me with an almost angry response to that.

"Carmen has been expecting this and can understand your attitude. Also, Eleazar forgives you for not showing up, but he at least expects a call from you," Carlisle meant and Edward nodded.

I turned to Edward and looked toward him questioningly.

It surprised me most of all that he had decided this on his own and none of his siblings had any questions or comments about it. Apparently, I was missing some context.

"I told you about Tanya. About her advances towards me, which she never gave up. Besides, Irina has a problem with wolves. I will not put any of you at risk of being treated rudely," he explained to me in a calm tone.

I had seen pictures of the Denalis. And yes, he had told me about Tanya. I put words and pictures together and instinctively swallowed. She was beauty personified. But my angel was mine. However, I could not imagine that that was all. As far as I knew, the Denalis would be invited to our wedding. So, we would meet them then at the latest.

Edward looked me straight in the eyes and then sighed in resignation.

I chuckled.

Had he seriously thought I would be satisfied with that answer?

"Eleazar was with the Volturi for a long time and has made many friendships. Aro, Marcus, and Caius will in no way appear in person on his day of honor or send a delegation to deliver congratulations. Nevertheless, quite a few of our kind will gather. I don't want to see the children or you in the midst of that company!"

My chuckle died away and I swallowed dryly. I nodded.

Several times.

Then Alice actually persuaded me to fly to New York with her, Rose, and Esmé. Also with Becky and Leah, if they would have time and like it. The weekend after next.

I think I had drifted off for a moment when she had asked me. How else could she have persuaded me? At least I could enforce that we would not stay away overnight. Fly there in the morning and back again in the evening at the latest.

"Oh yes, I brought you something else!" she chuckled then all at once.

I held my breath for a moment as I saw nothing but felt the breeze on my skin.

She was gone. I was again just beginning to wonder what she had done now again when I came up with the solution on my own.

She had wanted to bring me a new bra. One! Whether she would have kept to it?

Another breeze and I had to blink as a bag appeared right in front of my eyes.

A big bag. Damn big!

"Alice!" I screamed almost in horror, feeling the heat in my cheeks. Unless she made a very slight mistake in size and therefore brought me 230 DD, this bag would probably hold half the stores inventory. Very discreetly there was also a small silver lettering on the noble bag. 'Victoria's Secret'.

Edward's hands lay at my sides.

While I was taking the bag from Alice, seeing her wide grin and not daring to look inside, Edward's grip tightened around me. I looked at him over my shoulder.

His eyelids were closed, and I heard a very low growl. Or was he purring? Wow ... that was hot! His sparkling eyes opened again, and I saw the irrepressible desire in him. A desire that was immediately transferred to me.

I bit on my lower lip.

I wanted him. Immediately.

"We have to go!" he said suddenly, pulling me along with him by one hand.

All laughed merrily and wished a good time.

He left me standing in the hallway for a moment, walked hurriedly back and arrived back at my place with the bag. I had accidentally left it there, because his departure had taken me a little by surprise.

"Thank you, Alice!", I managed to say, and I was already sitting in the BMW, which Edward was driving so fast through the streets that I almost felt sick.

His hand on my thigh was literally burning.

Once home, he carried me to the bedroom in a flash.

I hurriedly disappeared into the bathroom with the bag. My hands were shaking with excitement, so I simply tipped the contents onto the floor. I picked out two pieces that were the same color.

No idea if they really belonged together.

I opened the door and froze indecisively for a moment.

Rather incredulously. The light was off, instead there were candles on the dresser and on the bedside tables. Music filled the room. But I did not see my angel.

I took a step into the bedroom and now I saw Edward. Next to the door - waiting for me. Dressed only in boxer shorts leaning against the wall. His voluptuous gaze along my body already made me tremble.

He lifted me up in his arms, not averting his eyes from mine for a moment, and laid me gently on the bed.

I closed my eyes and gave myself to his hands and his lips. The reality blurred and I plunged into the already so familiar world of emotions that made me experience Edward again and again ...

I felt absolutely trashed when I took my cup from him the next morning.

I had a headache. Any other day I probably would have been in a bad mood, but the face of my angel compensated for the fact that the night was already over.

"You look exhausted," my angel noted with concern, gently stroking over my arms.

"Just didn't sleep well. I have certainly tossed and turned," I said, sipping my coffee.

"No. You barely moved a millimeter. Nor did you say anything last night."

"I didn't?" I asked in disbelief. I had no idea what I had dreamed, but it somehow felt like an exhausting dream. Maybe even a true nightmare. After such nights, I was usually in a really bad mood.

My angel shook his head.

"No. You laid there quietly all night and held on to me."

"Okay." That's all that came to my mind right now.

I had to say a few more times that morning that I was fine.

That's basically what happened to me. A headache, yes, but it was so weak that it could hardly be called pain. I was just a human being and as a human being one had a bad day sometimes. It was as simple as that.

I didn't have anything planned today, so I lay on the couch with my laptop, on the reading couch with a book, or in bed with a temporary migraine. I slept a lot as soon as I laid there quietly, but until my family was back after school, I felt better.

My family was in a really good mood. They talked a lot. Brandon's backpack was torn and had caused a lot of laughs with that. Edward reported that Becky had gotten an 'A' in music after playing Jake and Becky's song. Composer unknown. Some boy had asked Leah out and subsequently spooked when Emmett appeared behind her and put an arm around her shoulders possessively.

However, I didn't last long that evening and went to bed early.

A good stretch of sleep and the next morning will look different. Fortunately, such days were extremely rare for me.

"Bella," it whispered lovingly.

I felt cool fingertips nuzzling the back of my neck. A smile spread across my lips. The coolness traveled along my skin to my cheek and an angelic smile was in the air. I blinked until I saw the angel clearly in front of me, who immediately breathed a kiss on the corner of my mouth.

Yes, this day would be better.

I sat up a little. I saw the approaching cup. I smelled coffee.

I felt sick. I rushed to the bathroom ... and threw up.

I noticed how Edward appeared next to me and I would have preferred to sink into the ground with shame. He knelt behind me, holding my hair out of the way and supporting me so that I wouldn't sink in anymore and probably lie here for the rest of my life.

This could not last much longer.

My stomach kept cramping again and again.

"Get lost," I coughed at one point and finally let myself fall against the bathtub, exhausted.

Edward handed me a glass of water and some paper towels, with which I wiped my mouth. I concentrated on breathing evenly.

Oh yeah. And not to blush so much that I exploded.

"In health and in sickness!" quoted Edward from the usual wedding vows, stroking over my cheek and giving me a kiss on the forehead. "I have not yet sworn it before a priest, but I have sworn it to you by asking you to marry me. Twice!"

He smiled slightly, pulled my robe off the hook, and put it around me.

I was half naked. On the cold tiles. That would certainly be good for my health.

He pulled me sideways into his arms and held me, while I placed my forehead soothingly against his cool neck.

"Maybe I'm getting the flu," I pondered after a while, already feeling better. "We've been together so much in the last few days. Maybe your coldness in the sum was too much for me now then?"

"That was my first thought, too, and it would be unforgivable if I were to blame. But you have no fever, no cough, no chills ... Your nasal mucous membranes are not swollen either," he felt over them so gently that it felt more like stroking. "How are you otherwise?" he then asked.

"A little weak, but not really sick," I dutifully informed him. "Maybe there was just something wrong with dinner."

"But Jake and Leah are fine," my primary care physician objected.

"They're wolves!" I objected otherwise.

"You win," he smiled.

"And I'm hungry," I looked up.

"A good sign," my angel nodded and helped me stand up.

Edward was ... overprotective. He did not leave my side for a moment. When washing, when showering (of course as always), when dressing, walking was forbidden to me.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

But I was really hungry. My appetite had already been bigger for a few days. But was that a miracle, given the above-average amount of physical activity?

I chuckled to myself. My body simply consumed much more energy since Thanksgiving, which it wanted to have compensated by lavish food. However, I drank tea instead of coffee.

To be on the safe side.

"Of course, you're going to school!" afterwards, I stood adamantly in front of my school-age fiancé.

The twins stood with Marcus between us and watched our 'argument' conversation with interest.

I wonder if they were betting again on who would win here?

"I won't leave you alone if you're sick!" Edward tried to determine.

"You bet you will! I feel excellent. Whatever it was, it seems to be over. So, no reason to skip school again," I said clearly. He was about to say something, but I beat him to it. "And if I feel bad again, I'll call Carlisle!"

"That one's on the plane to Alaska!" raised Edward's eyebrows in victory.

Ah yes. It was Wednesday. I had skipped yesterday, Tuesday.

"Then I'll call you! I promise!" I finally said.

My angel gave up and I laughed triumphantly.

I felt really good. As I said, a little weak, but the breakfast was certainly not yet digested and converted into energy. My morning sickness was therefore really only due to dinner. There had been fish. After all, it is said to have already happened that one had become sick due to fish consumption. Well.

I chased Edward and the kids out of the house in a good mood and cleared the dining table elatedly. I still looked for an appropriate place for my gift for today's Advent calendar.

A little Christmas elf who balanced a tea light.

Then I swung on my motorcycle and rode to Milton.

I had not yet reached the city limits when I felt sick again.

Out of nowhere, as if an imaginary boxers punch had hit right in my stomach.

I drove onto the shoulder, let my Honda tip onto its side and jumped - frantically pulling my helmet off my head, which I simply dropped into the gravel on the short way - to the side of the road. I vomited my entire breakfast noisily. Exhausted, I leaned against a boundary post and looked for a handkerchief from my handbag for myself while I wailed.

It seemed that I was somehow sick after all. But why was I crying about it? I didn't know it myself. After all, I was only a human being. Those were also allowed to get sick sometimes.

When I realized the silliness about crying over it, I laughed.

"Ma'am, are you okay?" a dark male voice asked from behind me.

Over my shoulder I recognized a Harley Davidson and a broad-shouldered tall man in full leather gear.

Hopefully, this one was more peaceful than he looked.

I swallowed.

Disgusting taste.

At the post, I pulled myself to my feet and sorted out my little bit of sense of balance.

"Of course. Everything is fine!", I even said truthfully. As quickly as the nausea had come, it was over again. The dizziness was also quickly gone once I got back on my feet and moved around a bit.

Behind the biker appeared a second person.

A slender woman. The guy had covered her completely.

I briefly explained that yesterday's dinner had probably hit my stomach, but it was already over.

The woman handed me a small bottle of water from the side pocket and the couple offered to escort me and my bike home. Just to be on the safe side.

I had often experienced that the toughest bikers were the most generous people, but one did not have to overdo it with blind trust.

They kept me company for a few more minutes before I ventured back onto my Honda, which the man had kindly straightened up and briefly checked for roadworthiness.

I thanked them both and wished them another good trip.

My drive, however, now took me no longer to Portland, but back to Saco. I looked for a walk-in clinic and explained my suddenly occurring nausea.

"Of course, it may be due to the fish, as you suggest. For my taste, you also look a bit pale and weary, which no doubt can also be related to it. But do you have any other complaints? Sensation of dizziness or headaches, for example," the pharmacist asked.

She had to be about my age and noted down my symptoms on a notepad. So now I unpacked what I had noticed so far.

Sudden onset of nausea. More sleep. More hunger.

That was on the list pretty quickly. I kept thinking.

The feeling of physical weakness. Today it didn't really surprise me. Basically, I had not eaten anything yet. Better said, it had not remained particularly long in me. But come to think of it, I've felt this way for a while. Yesterday, sure. There had not been much going on with me in general. On Monday I had been exhausted, even though I hadn't done that much with Milton. On Sunday, I had also fallen asleep during the day. Even though Edward meant that it was only due to our very extensive reunion in the all too early morning, I was not convinced of that. I was not a late sleeper and usually had no significant problems with intermittent lack of sleep. I had been hardened by my twins.

"Can you perhaps attribute your increased appetite to anything? For example, a new kitchen appliance that they are trying out extensively. A general change in diet. Or have you changed a type of sport or started one," the lady gave a few examples.

I smirked as she contemplated a kitchen appliance.

She was quite right that a new acquisition did indeed have an impact on nutrition. Indeed, not currently, but when I got a new fryer a few years ago, such an ultra-modern part without oil, there had been quite a lot of 'fried' things at our house for dinner. My scale did not like that at all.

But I seriously considered and embarrassingly looked around the store.

More sex was then also on the list.

She noted it without comment, while I blushed deeply.

Was the list now complete? ... No. Mood swings. Already since Saturday, if you took it exactly. Sky-high cheering and to death saddened lay with me currently very close together. The sadness because Edward wasn't there, but how quickly I could be happy again. The shock when I saw the empty room on Monday and only ten minutes later, I could not stop laughing. Earlier on the side of the road I had wailed and then laughed to myself about it.

The lady went through the listed complaints, named some technical terms that conditionally meant something to me, until she put something on the counter between us.

"I doubt I'll need it!" I said skeptically, sliding the pregnancy test back to her side.

"Are you sure? ... If you'll allow me the remark: You're wearing two very pretty rings on your fingers, so I assumed you were engaged or married ... And the signs would fit that. If I were you, I would play it safe before resorting to other medications," she said cautiously.

"Is there no other explanation?" I inquired.

"Of course. But considering this list, pregnancy stands to reason. Any of my professional colleagues or physicians will want to first rule out pregnancy before prescribing you drugs that could harm a fetus at this early stage."

So, I took this useless test with me and drove home. I went straight to my bathroom, brushed my teeth, gargled with mouthwash and my stomach was on an even keel. Leaning against the sink, I put my hands on my stomach.

What was going on in there?

I took the test.

As laughable as that was! What else could I do? So, I could directly drive this seemingly only logical conclusion out of a doctor. I felt so silly when I peed on the test strip. I looked at the package insert again: Wait five minutes.

My cell phone beeped, and I smiled.

Edward asked by text message if everything was okay.

I answered neatly that I was fine and that I was at home.

So not lying! But I hid the fact that I was taking a pregnancy test. He would only laugh at me. And rightly so!

Then I called Milton Stewart so that he wouldn't worry. Actually, we had planned a more extensive test for this morning, which unfortunately fell through because of me.

I shouldn't dare to show up at his place before Monday, was his answer.

I asked him to email me my previous work so that I could revisit it, at least in theory.

He refused. I should recover. But he warned me that if possible, I should not eat anything the whole weekend. His housekeeper would have a birthday on Sunday and then on Monday she would bring all kinds of goodies that her family would leave.

And - well - we both knew how dissolutely she provided meals.

In the end, I had almost forgotten about the pregnancy test and only thought a few more minutes later to at least take a look at its result.

A period of time in which I was doing extremely well.

With a scornful grin in the face, I entered my bedroom. I had put it down on the dresser, so I walked purposefully towards it and supported myself with my forearms on the wood. My eyes riveted on the result field. My grin died. Without emotion, I took the test in my hand. Stared at it. Staggered back. The image before my eyes blurred and grew darker until finally everything was black ...

How much time had passed? I asked myself when I came to.

I opened my eyes and saw ... my bedroom ceiling.

White wooden floorboards. Was somehow logical.

I lifted my wrist with the watch, waited until the various clocks which danced before my eyes merged into one and I could read the time. I had only been lying here on the carpet for a few minutes. I noticed that there was something in my other hand. I lifted it.

The test. And it was positive!

Thank you for reading!