Chris: (Recapping last episode.) "Last time on Total Drama Action... It was every dude and dudette for themselves, as the teams were busted up. But that didn't stop Heather from forging a secret alliance with Harold."

Harold: "Well, as long as Duncan isn't a part of it, you got yourself a deal." (the two shake hands)

Chris: "Courtney wowed everybody with her fancy footwork during the first spy challenge. Especially Duncan. (Duncan howls.) The cast made it out of a fake exploding building, but failed to defuse some serious stink bombs, forcing them to de-stink in tomato juice baths. [sighs contently] I love my job. In the end, Courtney and Lindsay got the fabulous reward - a trip to the local stinky cheese factory!"

(In the Lame-o-sine...)

Lindsay: "Isn't this fantastic? You and me together! (She hugs Courtney) Oh, I hope there's a cracker factory next door, I love cheese with crackers! Let's play a game. You name all the cheeses you can, and I'll do the same. (Courtney groans in annoyance.) Gorgonzola, Swiss, cheddar, seriously strong cheddar. Can you guess what it tastes like? Seriously strong, oh! Isn't this fun? (Courtney jumps out of the Lame-o-sine) Cream cheese, cheese sticks, cheese in a can-"

(We now cut to Chris.)

Chris: "Will Heather and Harold's new alliance hold? Will Duncan win Courtney back? All this on today's episode of... Total... Drama... Action!"

(Theme song plays.)

(The episode begins in the night after the spy challenge, the guys step out of the craft services tent)

Duncan: "Hey, Harold. What's that in your pocket?"

Harold: "Huh? Probably my- (he sticks his hand in his pocket, only to feel burrito grease) aw, burrito? Sick! Quit picking on me!"

Duncan: "I wasn't picking on you, I was picking you up something for later. A healthy diet is critical for a growing wimp. You making eyes at me, muchacho?" (he kicks Harold, splattering the sauce on his pants)

Harold: "Aw, come on!"

Justin: "Cut it out, you guys. We need to start sticking together."

Duncan: "Ha! Kinda like Harold's butt cheeks. You know, with the beans and the sticking?"

Justin: "Dude, there are four girls and only three of us. We're outnumbered. With Courtney back, it won't be long until they figure it out."

Harold: "If they haven't already. The girls are pretty sharp." (Licks the sauce off his thumb.)

(At the girls' trailer...)

Lindsay: "Ugh. You stink."

Courtney: "You stink like feet!"

Heather: (Nose plugged.) "You're both smelly losers.

Beth: (Nose plugged.) "Who knew a tour of a cheese factory could make you smell so bad?"

Lindsay: "It's like we somehow brought it home with us. (She takes some cheese out) Gouda, anyone?"

(In the bathroom, the guys are brushing their teeth.)

Justin: "I'm telling ya, if we don't boot one of them, it'll be one of us next."

Duncan: (Spits.) "I hear ya. Chicks are cutthroat."

(Cut to Chris getting a massage)

Chris: "The views of the contestants of Total Drama Action do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this network or parent company. They may, but not necessarily." (Chuckles.)

(Cut to the girls' trailer)

Heather: "I got to hand it to you, Lindsay. This gouda is actually pretty tasty."

Beth: "Good thing I had crackers!"

(In the guys' trailer...)

Duncan: "So what do you wanna do?"

Justin: "About the girls? We need a plan."

Duncan: "Since when did you start thinking so much?"

Justin: "A near-death experience can change a man, Duncan. Once you've lost everything, there's nothing left to lose. Except..."

Harold, Duncan, and Justin: "The million dollars..."

(The next morning. Chef screams like a girl as he's tied up in a nightgown)

Courtney: (she's being led by Heather) "Let go of me!"

Harold: "Oh, where are we?"

Heather: "And why is Chef in a nightgown?"

Lindsay: "I know. Floral print does not match his eyes at all." (Chris swoops in wearing a cowl and saves Chef, but the bungee cord he's swinging on breaks, and they fall)

Chris and Chef: [scream] "Oof!"

Chris: "I knew that bungee wouldn't hold! That's what happens when production cheaps out! And now my hair's all messed up!"

Courtney: (With Ear-Plugs on her ears.) "Uh, is anyone going to tell us what the hell is going on here?!"

Chris: "When. I. Feel. Like. It. (he fixes his hair) And now... I feel like it. Today's challenges are inspired by the superhero flick."

Heather: "Today's challenges? We just woke up. I haven't even taken my morning shower."

Beth: "Or had breakfast!"

Duncan: "I'm going back to bed."

Chris: "Evil never sleeps and neither will you. Besides, superheroes don't do the things of mere mortals. They have screaming ladies to rescue."

Harold: "Actually, many superheroes are mere mortals. My favorite, the Incredible Owl Man, catches thieves just like mice. But come morning, he puts his pants on one leg at a time. Just like the rest of us."

Chef: "Speak for yourself, boy." (walks off)

Chris: "How would you like it if Owl Man scratched your eyes out with his talons? (Harold backs away) I didn't think so. Now, shut it! There are three things intrinsic to all superhero movies. One, superheroes have superpowers. Two, superheroes save people. And my personal favorite, three, superheroes wear tights. Which means you will all be wearing... [laughs] Teensie tiny tights. (Duncan, Beth, and Harold complain while Lindsay claps] Why are you all in your PJ's? Get dressed and meet me back on set in superhero speed, which means you should already be back here! [chuckles] And make sure to wear something that goes with brightly huge spandex!"

(On the way to the trailer, Harold carries his burrito)

Harold: "Thanks for that burrito, Duncan. Now I've got breakfast."

CONFESSIONAL:

Harold: "Beans have a lot of protein. (he started eating) And they're a major source of soluble fiber. Plus, they make you fart. [farts] [laughs] I like beans."

END OF CONFESSIONAL:

(We then cut to the contestants walking to the set.)

Courtney: "Maybe you could use that stench as your superpower, Gorgonzola Girl."

Beth: "Shut up, Cheesy Breath! I don't care how Lindsay smells!"

Lindsay: "Aww, thanks, Beth."

CONFESSIONAL:

Beth: "Okay, so maybe that wasn't my best comeback, but I'm liking Courtney less now than I did before, and that was a lot."

END OF CONFESSIONAL:

Heather: "Hey, no one degrades Lindsay like that, except me, Aged Cheddar Woman. It's not like you're one to talk anyway." (Courtney gasps in shock.)

CONFESSIONAL:

Courtney: (Growls in anger.) "I have had it with Heather! And it's not just because of how mean she can be. I mean, 'Aged Cheddar Woman'?! If I were a cheese, I'd be Caciocavallo Podolico, a rare cheese from Italy, or Lancashire. Not aged cheddar."

END OF CONFESSIONAL:

(We now cut to the contestants, Chris & Chef in the city set...)

Chris: "For your first challenge, each of you will create your own superhero identity."

Harold: "All right!"

Chris: "You'll make your own superhero costumes using nothing but your fertile imaginations and tons of spandex. (A garbage truck dumps a bunch of trash) And some other junk. You'll be judged on originality and styled costume, how rocking your superpower is, and how cool your superhero name is. Top score wins an advantage in the next round. Chef will, of course, play the supervillain, which, let's face it, won't be much of a stretch."

(We cut to Chef in a snake-like costume, posing next to a cat)

Chris: "Meet Pythonicus and his sidekick kitty, Dander Boy. They will sabotage you at every turn. (The cat meows.) Any questions? (The castmates raise their hands) No? Perfect. And... action!"

Courtney: "That one's mine!"

Lindsay: "I've got it!"

CONFESSIONAL:

Lindsay: "Forget superpowers, Courtney's on a super power trip."

END OF CONFESSIONAL:

Lindsay: (she and Courtney fight over some fabric) "Aw, ugh! (Courtney pushes her down) Ow."

(We now cut to a Montage, where Pythonicus sabotages the castmates however he can, but doesn't sabotage Duncan)

(We then cut to a fashion show stage, where Pythonicus, the cat, & Chris are at the judging chairs.)

Chris: "Now wearing a superhero costume of her own design, our first supermodel! (Beth is shown wearing a bunch of wood tied to her body) [sighs] State your name and superpower."

Beth: "Lumber Woman?"

Chris: "You're a superhero. Act like one."

Lumber Woman: "I am Lumber Woman! And I can talk to plants!"

Chris: "You're serious? What do you talk about? The best brand of fertilizer? That's worth a whole three points. (Justin walks in, wearing a costume similar to Beth's) I guess not so great minds think alike."

Justin: "I am Timber Man! Ha ha. And my superpower is..." (he throws wood chips into the air)

Chris: "Seriously? Wood chips?"

Timber Man: "Oh, and I can float. And make fire as long as I've got matches. And I don't get too close to the flame. Ouch."

Chris: "Lame! Two points. Next!" (Harold runs in wearing a red and white costume)

Harold: "I'm Captain Alberta! And I can swirl up a hot Chinook wind! (Chomps on his burrito, then burps, then farts.) That's a spicy burrito."

Pythonicus: (Gags and coughs from the smell.) "It burns!"

Chris: "Impressive. Gross, but impressive. Now that Owen's gone, someone's gotta carry the fiery torch. And extra points for keeping it Canadian. Seven points for Captain Alberta!"

Captain Alberta: "All right!"

(Duncan simply has an extra eye taped to his forehead.)

Chris: "Where are your tights?"

Duncan: "I don't do spandex. I'm the All-Seeing Eye, and I've got psychic powers. I can see into the future."

Captain Alberta: "Ha, yeah right."

All-Seeing Eye: "Harold is about to experience a painful life lesson." (Punches Captain Alberta's arm)

Captain Alberta: "Ow!"

Chris: "Even I saw that coming. Two points."

(Courtney comes up wearing a dark suit and washboards on her calves.)

Courtney: "I'm The Human Cricket!"

Chris: [laughs] "And what are you gonna do? Chirp us into submission?"

Human Cricket: "Actually..." (she puts in earplugs and scrapes the washboards, irritating Dander Boy and Chris)

Chris: "Gah! O-Okay, okay! Stop it! Ugh! (Courtney stops and removes her earplugs) Okay. Okay. That's a pretty effective superpower. Eight points. Finally, we're getting somewhere."

Human Cricket: "Yes!"

Chris: "Next!"

(Heather exits wearing a bee costume with wings and a black afro)

Heather: "I'm the Queen Bee."

Chris: "And what's your superpower?"

Heather: "I don't really have any powers. Unless you count summoning a swarm of bees to attack people. I don't like a superpower to choose."

Chris: "Yeah, right. Not sure if the bees will like you, either, but whatever. Seven points."(Lindsay walks out wearing a Wonder Woman costume)

Lindsay: "I'm Wonder Woman!"

Human Cricket: "Wonder Woman already exists! And she doesn't even look like that!"

Chris: "Not so fast! I'm liking the costume. What's your superpower?"

"Wonder Woman": "Duh. I wonder a lot. Oh, and I have an invisible jet right here. Or did I leave it over there?"

Chris: "You win! I loved Wonder Woman as a kid. Ten points!"

Human Cricket: "What?! What about originality? Wonder Woman's already a superhero!"

Chris: "Oh, I'm sorry. Is this your show? Oh. No. No, it's my show. Which means, I make the rules."

Human Cricket: "Actually, I think my lawyers make the rules.

Chris: "Possibly, but I'm still the judge of the contest. And I deem Lindsay the winner, which means she gets an advantage in the next challenge."

"Wonder Woman": "Yay!"

Human Cricket: "You may have won the first round, but we'll see who comes out on top! (She walks off)

"Wonder Woman": [gasps] Courtney just stepped on my invisible jet!"

Chris: "Courtney! Minus two points for stepping on Lindsay's jet!"

Human Cricket: (Scoffs.) But...

Captain Alberta: "Can I have a ride?"

"Wonder Woman": "Sure! Who wants a ride in my invisible jet?"

All-Seeing Eye, Captain Alberta, Timber Man, Pythonicus, and Chris: "I do!"

Chris: "Man, I love this gig."

(Commercial break.)

(We now cut to an obstacle course, with the contestants & Chris.)

Chris: "For your second challenge, we will be testing your super prowess."

CONFESSIONAL:

Lumber Woman: "I don't know if Chris gets that our superpowers are fake. I mean, I can't really talk to plants. (whispers to a nearby plant) Hi, what's your name?" (a leaf falls from the plant)

END OF CONFESSIONAL:

Chris: "You'll have to leap over a building in a single bound using this trampoline from the set of the movie, "Trampoline Thunder 2"! Awesome flick. You'll be judged on how far and how high you jump. And please, properly time your landing, as we wouldn't want you to land anywhere other than on this soft, cushy mattress. (springs pop out of the mattress) Our first and foremost priority at Total Drama Action is your safety and well-being. [laughs] Next, you'll have to save a woman falling from a building. The woman will be played by a sack of potatoes in a dress, which will be a real catch for you guys."

CONFESSIONAL:

All-Seeing Eye: "Like Chris is one to talk. He probably had dinner with that thing last night."

END OF CONFESSIONAL:

Chris: "And finally, you'll walk across a power line during a meteor shower. (Pythonicus throws a bowling ball through the water tower to demonstrate.) The person to finish the course with the best time wins... invincibility! Lindsay, you're up first. Ten seconds will be shaved off your time for winning the first round."

"Wonder Woman": Yay! (Giggles.)

CONFESSIONAL:

Human Cricket: "Lindsay may have won the first round, but I have the law firm of Fleckman, Fleckman, Cohen, and Strauss behind me. They'll make sure I win the million. (dials her PDA but gets a reply) Ugh! What is with all these out-of-office messages?"

END OF CONFESSIONAL:

Chris: And... action! ("Wonder Woman" jumps onto the trampoline, makes it over the building, and belly-flops on the mattress.)

"Wonder Woman": (Grunts.) "This mattress is so nasty!"

Chris: (Sarcastic.) "Aw, really? I'm sorry."

"Wonder Woman": (She gets here foot free from the spring) Ow! (She heads to the building but fails to catch the "lady") "Woopsie. Sorry, lady."

Chris: "Looks like it's gonna be real mashed potatoes tonight, eh Chef? None of that powdered stuff."

Human Cricket: "Not such a Wonder Woman now, huh?"

Chris: "You've got issues."

Heather: "Tell me about it. ("Wonder Woman" makes it to the wire, but gets hit by a "meteor," and falls on a mattress.)

Chris: "Looks like you didn't make it!"

CONFESSIONAL:

"Wonder Woman": "What the hell is with those mattresses? (She notices some cockroaches on her arm nervously.) Oh. Hello."

END OF CONFESSIONAL:

Chris: "Harold, you're up!" (Harold climbs up)

All-Seeing Eye: (Laughs.) "What, what are you gonna do? Use that Chinook wind to get a little more hang time?"

Captain Alberta: "As a matter of fact, that's right! Eat my prairie dust! (He bounces on the trampoline) I call upon the great thermal winds of the mighty Chinook! (Eats the burrito and farts his way over the building.) Ha ha ha! To the rescue! (He saves the "lady") There you go, ma'am! All in a day's work for Captain Alberta!"

Chris: "Hurry it up, Captain! You're on the clock! (Captain Alberta runs along the wires, avoiding the "meteors") Come on, Pythonicus!" (Chris gets hit by one, and it also lands on All-Seeing Eye.)

Chris and All-Seeing Eye: "Ow.."

Captain Alberta: (he sticks the landing) "Yes!"

Chris: "Never thought I'd say this, but nice work, Captain Alberta. Made good time, too. Thirty-six seconds. Could've uh... done without the change of weather patterns, though."

Captain Alberta: Top that, "All-Seeing Jerk."

All-Seeing Eye: (He grabs Captain Alberta by the cape) "You may have forgotten that my real superpower is being able to cream dorks like you."

Captain Alberta: "Sounds familiar."

CONFESSIONAL:

Captain Alberta: "I'm giving Duncan a false sense of security. I'm just waiting for the right moment to strike. (Does a karate pose.) Huh-dah!"

END OF CONFESSIONAL:

Chris: "Next!"

(We now cut to a montage, where All-Seeing Eye makes it, Lumber Woman doesn't, Human Cricket does, Queen Bee doesn't, and Timber Man gets shocked with the wire to the crotch and lands on the mattress.)

Chris: "While Captain Alberta did a surprisingly good job, even incorporating his, ahem, superpower, the winner of the second challenge and invincibility is... The Human Cricket! With thirty seconds."

Human Cricket: "Yes!" (She scrapes the washboards in victory, as the others cover their ears in annoyance.)

Chris: "Don't make me change my mind, Courtney! (Courtney stops & smiles sheepishly.) You guys may be superheroes, but you smell super gross. Time to hit the showers (Nose plugged) and decide who's gonna get kicked to the curb."

(We now cut to night, at the guys' trailer...)

Harold: "I got robbed on that challenge!"

Duncan: "Whatever. The girls are kicking our butts. Who are we gonna boot?"

Justin: "The biggest threat - Courtney."

Duncan: "Dude, she's got invincibility, which I'd say leaves... Heather."

Harold: "Not that I'm against the idea, but she could still pull off an invincibility win later. And how do we know you won't be voted off?"

Duncan: "Pal before gals, Harold? We're outnumbered. And if you don't do what I say, I'll tell Leshawna you pick your nose in your sleep."

Harold: (points at Duncan with a booger on his finger) "You have circumstantial evidence at best."

(We now cut to the girls, sans Courtney, in the bathroom.)

Lindsay: "Huh, I wish we could vote off Courtney."

Heather: "I say we vote off Duncan. As long as he's around, Courtney is unstoppable."

Beth: "Hmm... it's tempting, and as much as Courtney would hate to admit it, it'd probably kill her. But on the other hand..."

Lindsay: "Why should we listen to you? We don't like you."

Heather: "Because I got further ahead last season than you two. Plus, Courtney may have the brawn, but I had the brains."

Beth: "Okay, Heather, whatever you say. But there's only three of us, we can't do it on our own."

Heather: "I'll take care of that problem." (She walks off)

Lindsay: "We're not really gonna vote Duncan off, are we?"

Beth: "Hell no."

(We now cut back outside, where Duncan is looking at the girls trailer, with Courtney inside.)

Duncan: (Whistles and gets Courtney's attention. As she looks at him.) "I need your help."

Courtney: "And why would I help you?"

Duncan: "'Cause you won't have invincibility forever, and I'm thinking it's just a matter of time before the girls give you the heave ho. (Courtney opens her mouth to say something, but relents) You've gotta convince Harold to vote off Heather."

Courtney: "That shouldn't be too hard. No one really likes her."

Duncan: "So, you're in?" (Courtney smiles at him.)

(We now cut outside from the guys trailer, with Heather looking at Harold from outside.)

Heather: (Whispering.) "Psst! Harold! We have to get rid of Duncan!"

Harold: (Whispering.) "Tell me something I don't know."

Heather: (Whispering.) "There's four of us. Vote for him, and he's gone."

Courtney: "Psst! (Heather hides) Harold, I need to talk to you."

Harold: "Me?"

CONFESSIONAL:

Harold: "I knew Courtney would come around. Eventually."

END OF CONFESSIONAL:

Courtney: "You're the only person who can be reasoned with. The girls are gonna pick the guys off one by one, and you're the first to go."

Harold: "Why are you telling me this?"

Courtney: "Seeing you today, I think I could take you with me to the final four. But we have to take down the biggest threat. And I don't mean Duncan. Or Beth. Or Justin. Or Lindsay."

Harold: "You don't mean Heather? I don't know..."

Courtney: "You think you can trust her? After everything she's done to us? It's up to you, Captain Alberta. It's either her or you."

(We now cut to the Gilded Chris ceremony as the theme plays.)

Chris: "And now... we vote. (The castmates vote) And... the Gilded Chris goes to... Courtney. And... Justin. Beth and Harold. And we're down to the final three. Lindsay."

Lindsay: "Oh, yeah!"

Chris: "And finally... Duncan!"

Heather: (Stands up, shocked.) "WHAT?! You voted me off?! ME?!" (Looks at Harold angrily.) "YOU! I thought I told you do vote off Duncan!"

Harold: "Hey, I had nothing to do with it!"

Chris: "Actually, ALMOST everyone voted for you! Time to go Heather!"

(Heather growls angrily, as she walks to the lame-o-sine.)

Heather: "This is not the last time you'll hear from The Queen Bee! Which would be me." (Gets on the Lame-O-Sine as it rides off, and the camera pans to Harold, who was waving to her the entire time.)

Duncan: "Hey, Harold. What's that in your pocket?" (Kicks Harold's butt, which was another burrito, and then runs off.)

Harold: "I guess I should've seen that coming.."

Chris: (Pushes Harold out of the way.) "I guess HE should've seen that coming! And you should see what's coming next time, on Total. Drama. Action!"

Harold: (Shows his broken glasses.) "Damn it! You broke my glasses!"

(End credits.)

You all knew that Heather was going to be eliminated next, right? So did I!
Stay tuned for the 3rd Aftermath!

Votes:
Heather - Beth, Courtney, Duncan, Lindsay.
Duncan - Harold, Heather