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Chapter 131

Hard Words

Edward

"Who wasn't paying attention?" I inquired.

A rhetorical question. Leah could not have children as long as she phased regularly, so only Becky remained. Becky was not in school today because she had a routine doctor's appointment with Dr. Cindy Bennett at the hospital for a follow-up because of the rape. Maybe Cindy had figured it out and Becky had come right over to tell Bella after her return. Maybe she needed some encouragement. Possibly she was afraid to tell her parents about it and had asked Bella for help in this regard. That the baby could have resulted from the rape, I could undoubtedly rule out. On the one hand, Becky was not able to get pregnant at the time of the attack due to her cycle and, on top of that, had received the so-called 'morning-after pill'. On the other hand, she had already had her period for the second time.

"Didn't we establish some time ago that I was far too young to be a grandfather?"

Bella nodded, moved.

I am going to be a grandfather! Much earlier than expected, but it was a moving feeling. Jake and Becky will become very loving parents. I had no doubt about that, the way they sometimes took care of Emma or David's sons. The fact that Jake and Becky were still relatively young - and minors - would not be a problem with our family. Everyone would contribute something and support them so that the two of them could still fulfill their lifes dreams.

I chuckled.

There would be unfair fights over who would be allowed to take care of the baby. And Bella and I would probably be in the fight. For our grandchild.

Bella already looked really full of anticipation as she put her warm hands to my cheeks.

"But old enough to become a father!" my angel tried to say.

The most beautiful words I had ever heard. Surely, I had misunderstood her.

"We weren't paying attention and we're having a baby!" declared Bella.

My eyes switched back to the test for a moment.

My mind was working a little slow right now. If Becky was pregnant, she probably would have taken that one with her. So it had to be Bella's?

"You're ... pregnant?" I asked befuddled.

Bella nodded, though.

The world around me staggered in a daze ...

So this is what it felt like to be dizzy with joy. I laughed, my heart bubbling over with joy. And with love for this great woman. My wife. Who would give birth to my child.

"I love you, Bella!" was the first thing that came to my mind, and I hugged my fiancée to me.

I had to hold on to her. I would have loved to lift her up and whirl her through the air with joy, but that might be too much for this little creature who didn't even know she was alive.

Instead, I gently kissed over her face.

A baby! I'm going to be a father! Our love, united in a little baby. It had to be beautiful if it was from Bella. From an angel. But that certainly explained the past few days. The increased need for sex. Her smell, which had changed somewhat, because it was now no longer only her own. The hormonal change, which I had suspected behind it, was therefore true. There was no greater change in a woman than pregnancy. But also, that she let this little room scare her so much on Monday evening. This did not suit my intrepid Bella. The day yesterday when she didn't feel well without being able to name a specific symptom. Her nausea in the morning and how quickly she got better.

So many things were going through my head at once that I had to pull myself together to articulate it reasonably understandably for Bella.

I think that Bella must not have understood one or the other word: "We are going to have a baby! You must preserve yourself! I will cherish you to save you any effort! Nothing is more important now than your health. And that of our baby. Where should our baby sleep? Of course, first with us, where we can watch over our little angel. But in the long run? We need a nursery. With a cute baby cradle. Toys. Later, a desk. A room where our child can retreat. The guest room? No. That has been needed here too often. We need to add on! Preferably with their own bathroom, so that the others are not disturbed by the child. Jake, Becky, Leah, and Marcus have a regular morning routine that a small child could really mess up. We need to tell the children! How will they react to it? How will they react to this? Older children often feel neglected and that they no longer belong because their parents only care about the newborn. That will not happen with us. For sure. Carlisle needs to check you out! Regularly. I don't care how embarrassing you think it is, my heart! He is the best doctor, and I will risk absolutely nothing! I can't wait to see his face. He will be taken by complete surprise. The birth! I need to talk to Carlisle very urgently. I know, of course, that childbirth means pain that I - or all men in general - cannot comprehend. Perhaps this can even be measured with the transformation, although it will be only a much more manageable period of time. One has to be able to do something about that. Seeing you suffer like this already hurts me now. I wish I could spare you this. We must also tell the others. They will certainly be happy that our family is getting bigger. Esmé ... Rosalie ... I'm a little worried about these two. How will they receive the fact that we are getting something they long for so much? We ..."

I faltered. I faltered considerably. A realization that struck me like a bolt of lightning.

"He ...", I still brought forth, as a scene long past stood clearly before my eyes. It was decades ago.

'Our kind can't have children!' Carlisle's compassionate voice echoed in my head. As he emphatically explained it to Rosalie and Emmett. He listed that the female vampire had no cycle. There was no ovum that could be fertilized. Moreover, the male vampires had retained the ejaculation as such, but still the ejaculate was not capable of procreation. He had found it out with himself due to his insatiable urge for research and now additionally examined Emmett's sperm, since Rose understandably wanted to have absolute certainty.

"I ..." I stammered and only finished it in my mind: ... can't be the father!

I felt a rough blow against my heart.

In all its brutal facets. He immediately laced my throat.

Warm fingers on my skin commanded me to breathe.

"I ... can't beget children!" I pronounced it and could only look into her chocolate brown eyes with difficulty. Eyes that shone with joy and promised me everything in this world. Even a child of my own, born of true love! Eyes that lied to me smiling!

I couldn't bear to keep looking at Bella and looked to the side.

"Of course you can! How else could I be pregnant?" she asked me ecstatically.

But there was only one answer: Not from me!

"Edward," she purred in love and slid her arms around my neck.

I raised my gaze to her.

A look full of revulsion and disgust.

Finally, she put aside her happy expression. She turned pale.

But anything was better than the obvious lie. Someone else had touched my fiancée. Her full lips covered with his. Caressing her silky skin. Lost in her rapturous gaze. Explored her perfect body and tasted her delicious femininity. And Bella had given herself to him! My goddess fell from her consecrated throne, which I had created for her in my mind, and with the force my heart and soul burst into shards. She had betrayed me!

The test in my hand. I held it out to her, wanting to get rid of the proof of her high treason, and she took it from me.

Like a burden from my soul.

She looked at me, startled. She swayed a bit, and I immediately held her tightly.

A reaction of my protective instinct. And habit. Nothing more!

Pretty strong words of anger followed.

Words I would never have assumed to say in this constellation and in such a context or to hear from Bella. In response to my doubts about her affection, I received a resounding slap in the face.

I was at a loss for words.

I turned away from her and went to the window. For a moment I just listened to Bella's heart.

The fidgety beat calmed me down, but also gave me food for thought. The way Bella had behaved so far, she didn't give the impression of knowingly lying to me. At the same time, she was usually a pretty bad liar, betrayed in advance by her own body. But none of the usual signs were to be seen. Her whole demeanor did not seem as if she had anything serious to confess to me. Under the acute excitement of our quarrel, she just looked overjoyed. Was it perhaps possible after all? ... There was simply no chance for this assumption!

"Edward. I love you. I have never cheated on you. It is YOUR child!" Bella said softly when she was right next to me.

So few minutes ago, I had not questioned this at all. But now?

She pulled on my arm, and I let it happen.

No idea why. Actually, everything in me resisted touching Bella. The woman who meant my life. Who had betrayed me. Just at the moment when I felt Bella's warm body under my hand, all hatred in me was hidden. Her heart skipped a beat!

I closed my eyes and concentrated on what my other senses were giving.

It felt incredible. The baby! I could feel their heartbeat. Hardly noticeable, but it was there. It didn't quite beat to the same beat as Bella's. So that was it. Monday night, we were alone. It had been absolutely quiet in the house, and I had thought I heard an echo of her pulse beating. In fact, I had apparently already heard this little growing heart.

Reverently I put my ear to her belly. Wanted to follow the weak beat more clearly. Again her own heart tripped thereby.

Maybe she could lie to me in the meantime, her body could not. And it reacted to me as usual. And only to me. I smiled slightly. There were things that would probably never change.

"I hear it," I murmured, moved by this great sound.

The baby on the one hand. The miracle of a new life. Bella's heart on the other hand and how it became calmer. I let this interaction work on me, and it calmed me down completely. The warmth and the smell of her body slowly enveloped me, like a cozy blanket under which I could hide myself. Under which nothing else was of importance. With which I locked the rest of the world out of my mind. But it was only the eye of the storm, where complete calm reigned.

All too soon, the two hearts beat in unison, which opened my mind to the essentials again.

A baby was growing inside Bella. There was really no doubt about that now. This being enchanted me now already. Only with its weak pulsating. It could do nothing for the circumstances. It was completely innocent. Such a pure creature. It knew nothing of this world. I would want to protect it and keep any suffering away from it. But that was not my task. I had absolutely nothing to do with this baby and yet Bella's arms were around my head as if we were a happy family. It would be all too nice if that were the reality, but it wasn't.

"I wish so much that it was my baby. But it isn't. It can't be," I stated indifferently. I had to focus on the facts before Bella blew my mind. It was impossible!

In the second act of our quarrel, Bella doubted Carlisle's medical competence.

Ridiculous! Nevertheless, her words gave me cause to think about it briefly. Carlisle had hunted vampires as a human and had often been injured in the process. Possibly he had already been infertile as a human being. The same was true for Emmett. His fight against a bear could have irrevocably destroyed some things. During the transformation, the restoration could be limited to bones, joints, and the like. Everything that the 'Cold Ones' need in order to exist. The testicles, spermatic cords, and other organs, however, are not important to us and linger in our bodies as lifeless stone-like artifacts. But with this, Bella clung to hopeless explanations that were simply absurd.

"Edward. Please," Bella whispered.

There was a sadness in her voice that I couldn't help but hear.

But had to overhear! I was not ready to continue to be made a fool of by her!

"Please what? Bella?" I therefore asked bitterly and now turned to Bella for the first time in what felt like ages. Looking at her hurt me. Her tear-wet lashes, the tormented expression on her face, the desperation in her gaze. But my world was in pieces. "You're carrying a child in you that can't possibly be mine ... Tell me what else you could ask of me?" I asked languidly. I couldn't continue accusing those eyes, even if I really wanted to.

Her reaction surprised me. From one moment to the next, the grief was gone, and she hissed loudly at me.

"Stop saying that! It's your child! You are the father! Do you think I'd let someone else get close to me? Do you really believe that? What do you take me for? I have never touched another man! ... You ... I ..." she screamed, and the blush of anger colored her cheeks.

Her heart was racing, her breathing was frantic, and her pupils were moving too rapidly.

"Who should ... then ... the father ..." she still stammered softly.

I held Bella securely in my arms even before she realized she was losing consciousness. This time it was not a purely intuitive reaction on my part.

"Bella," I whispered, dumbfounded. How many times had I thought I knew Bella well enough by now to know how she would react to a situation? Countless times. And yet she always proved me wrong again.

Gently I laid her on the bed and gently stroked over her cheek.

My fearless brave fighter. I admired her. The facts were certain, yet Bella insisted on her opinion. She was a mother! She already defended herself and the child with all available means. Even if the weak human body could not keep up with the inner strength. Yes, her standpoint was firm. She had now clearly proven that to me. She wanted this child to be mine. She didn't just wish it against her better judgment. No. She absolutely did not allow any other view.

With one hand on her womb, I followed the inconspicuous beating of the baby's heart.

It went faster, as if it would get excited, while Bella slowly found her way back to her usual rhythm.

What I would give for this child to really be mine! However, this fit of weakness brought something to my attention that made everything else unimportant. It was an argument, led by emotions boiling over, inner bitterness and from both of us the wish that the impossible had happened. Every bitter word hurt me. Whether I said it, or she said it. This had to stop! Immediately! I would not forgive myself if she lost this child because of me. Even though I distrusted her words, I had seen the joy in her eyes. That I could not take away from her or endanger her. Neither through actions, nor through rash words. 'What do you take me for?", Bella had asked me, screaming. Well. Aside from being a strong fighter, she was an angel. An unfaithful angel. A fallen angel, what I had still found amusing at Halloween. Now no more. I didn't want, no, I couldn't imagine Bella actually putting herself in the arms of another man. That was not in her nature. Bella was no 'femme fatal'. No 'Mata Hari'. But was there another explanation for the existence of this baby?, the reason in me asked quietly. No, there was not!

Sluggishly, I withdrew my hand from her belly, leaving only the other against her forehead to aid her circulation.

Even though she had betrayed me, her well-being was still important to me.

Therefore, I supervised that Bella now actually ate something. Her face visibly got a more pleasant color, which calmed me down a lot.

"David," I later voiced my guess.

I had to control myself very much not to respond angrily to Bella's harsh tone again.

He was the obvious option for me. They had slept together before now, and Bella had a secret from me ever since David moved into the neighborhood. In addition, he worked from home, with Sonya also being busy during the day quite often. Driving the kids to various appointments, shopping, yoga or swimming three times a week, or other errands that the move and general housekeeping entailed. Now and then we were with them in the evening, or they were with us, whereby Sonya often went to bed before the rest of us. Thereby David and Bella were also alone sometimes. When I accompanied the twins now and then on their evening round, when I was with my parents or siblings. The point was simply that the possibility was not particularly far-fetched, if one visualized the facts. In other words: There were enough opportunities and they loved each other in a very dearly way. In addition, I was quite convinced that Bella would not let some random man touch her.

"Yes, I have kept something from you. I ..." Bella wanted to finally air her secret.

Curiosity had tormented me from time to time over the past few days, but Bella had obviously enjoyed annoying me with it blatantly and directly. In this respect, it was now clear to me that it had no connection with her pregnancy. It interested me tremendously, but Bella certainly had a reason not to share this secret with me. Therefore, I forbade her to reveal her secret. I explained how I came up with David as the father.

"Bella. I ask you to release me from my promise!" I requested, realizing even as I spoke how final it sounded. I tenderly took her face in my hands as her little heart went crazy and explained my request in more detail. "I love you, Bella ... Not being with you will hurt me. But I need some distance to become clear about this situation. To think about how to go on ... You are carrying someone else's child. With that you have hurt me ... I don't know if I can handle it. I need to think about it!"

I had to think! In all calmness!

My thoughts were all over the place.

I didn't want to accuse Bella of infidelity, but the facts spoke for themselves. 'Why don't you admit you made a mistake, Bella,' I thought to myself. That would make it easier for me. Then I could be angry once and then forgive her. Because I would probably forgive Bella for everything. Almost certainly this as well. However, her lie now separated us more than the fact that she had betrayed my love. Instead, she had fueled the charged mood further and further by holding on to this impossibility. What did she expect from it? I did not know.

'You're going to have the most loving mother and the best siblings you can imagine!', I thought to this little creature as I gently grazed her belly and then left the bedroom before Bella could even say a word back.

I wanted to hear absolutely nothing from Bella at that moment. No request, no accusation, no question. And certainly no apology or expression of love, which I couldn't believe her. I just wanted to get away.

Thank you for reading!