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Chapter 133

Decisions

Edward

I had left my goddess. Something I never thought I would be able to do. Once again!

I ran through the forest.

I had a clear goal in mind.

Bella had left in me an emotional mess. So I clung to the little doubt she had stirred up in me.

I ran into Carlisle's examination room and touched myself.

I wanted to refute Carlisle's statement. At any price! The result? Shattering! As feared! In my sperm wallowed countless sperm. Not a single one of them was viable. They floated motionless in the seminal plasma. This result was more than just a slap in the face. A blow against my heart. A blow against my soul. The unmistakable proof that Bella had cheated on me. How could she do this to me? My world collapsed for another time.

For ages I sat leaning against the wall on the floor.

What should I do now with this certainty? I did not know.

The dusk had already set in when an idea came to me after all.

I would pay a visit to the child's father. He should know about it. Moreover, I wanted to witness his reaction to it. To look him in the eyes and listen to his mind when I was face to face with him.

I listened to David's thoughts as soon as they were in range.

Bella had already been with him, and he was thinking about why it had happened. Thereby I could not say at first what exactly he meant by that. The fact that they were in bed together. Or the mishap that a child sprang from their joint infidelity as proof. Because remorse drowned out any thought. He searched for the right words to tell Sonya. For excuses, which all sounded to him only like insufficient evasions.

In that, he was right, in my opinion.

Everyone was home, so I was greeted by a cheerful Emma.

A little ray of light on such a gloomy day.

Also Sonya was in a good mood. I greeted her as usual.

Maybe our hug was a touch too emotional, because I was already thinking about how she would take the news. I felt very sorry for her. She was betrayed as much as I was. Actually, even more than me. After all, Sonya was carrying David's child in her.

I also greeted the boys before I went upstairs. Vampirically fast and quietly I scurried into David's study.

He looked the worse for wear. He sat in his desk chair, feet casually on the table, but with one hand covering his eyes and massaging his forehead. With his other hand he held a glass. A luscious sip of his favorite brand. It took him a moment to discover me under his family portrait, which I had in the meantime expanded to include Daniel. He was so startled that he toppled off the chair. He dropped the glass and landed with one hand on the body of the glass, causing it to shatter into pieces.

I knew the clink all too well. From my inner self.

David began to curse at the same time. The aroma of his blood quickly filled the room.

The smell disgusted me!

"Are you cursing about the pain or that your drink is empty?" I asked evenly.

"More about you! How dare you dump Bella?" he asked instead.

He squatted on the floor, pulled up a trash can and began picking up the larger shards. There was a trace of fighting spirit in his voice.

"I merely asked for a temporary time-out!", I corrected. "And how dare you touch my fiancée?"

"What makes you so sure it's not your child? Have you ever had a checkup?"

"I made up for it earlier!" I said clearly.

"And?" asked David quietly, lifting his head in my direction.

He swallowed. He knew the answer.

With a different result, I would now be three houses down, and on my knees, begging my angel for forgiveness. But I had no reason to do so.

David let himself fall all the way to the floor and angrily knocked the bucket aside.

"It can't be!" he cursed to himself, hiding his face with the hand that wasn't bleeding from the shards.

"Why can't it be?" I asked calmly.

I listened very attentively to his thoughts.

He was actually quite sure that he would not have slept with Bella. There was a lot that spoke against it for him. His own argument was that he would not cheat on Sonya. In the eleven years they had been together, he had never even toyed with that thought! Especially with Bella, it was just silly to him. They could have gone to bed together every time he was here without anyone noticing. But they had not. Furthermore, he was convinced that he could not have been of so unsound mind. Especially because he no longer knew anything about it.

His last argument stunned me.

He would not be able to betray ME like that. At the same time, he still referred to me as a friend in his reflections, which we had actually very well become in the past weeks.

I breathed a little sigh of relief overall.

Apparently, the two were not having an affair. But was I seriously assuming that? Bella was not like that. And neither did David, actually. So only one night came into question. Last weekend. When I was not here. While Bella couldn't seem to fully remember how they had gotten to bed in the first place, it was at least evident from his thoughts, blurry but still complete. The same spectacle that he had already shown me on Sunday morning. They had playfully squabbled, chased each other and then just fell asleep from fatigue. But neither of the two could say why they had hardly any clothes left on. In this regard, they could only assume that they had unconsciously undressed due to the high temperature of the room. The same consideration I had when I entered the bedroom that morning.

I went across the hall to the bathroom to get a first aid kit.

David felt ashamed because there was no other explanation. He had cheated on Sonya. Something that was inconceivable to him. Facing me, now that there were no more excuses, only made it all the clearer to him what the transgression he had committed. He was truly dismayed when he realized the implications of one immoderate evening.

Silently, I cleaned the cuts on his hand.

"Why are you doing this? You'd better kill me now. Then we'll have it over with," he stammered as I applied a light bandage that would protect the incisions from further contamination.

That was the appropriate punishment in his eyes. Yes, he was just a little theatrical on the road.

"I will not take the father away from six children!" I grumbled. Not that his proposal didn't appeal to me in principle at the moment.

"FIVE!" he insisted bitingly.

I looked him in the eyes.

'Until the opposite is proven!' he added in his thoughts. Knowing very well that it was unthinkable, given the irrefutable facts.

"I have to tell it to Sonya," he murmured, effortfully composed, after a few minutes, whereby he asked me to be present.

He didn't want any backing. No support, which he didn't deserve either. But he was worried about Sonya. How she would take it. How this news would come crashing down on his baby.

For her sake, I nodded.

While the children sat over their dinner, he asked Sonya to join us.

She sat down and was already nervous inside.

A conversation among adults in her husband's study. There was probably bad news pending.

David knelt in front of his wife and cautiously took her hands in his.

"I love you, Sonya. More than my own life ... I have to apologize to you ... I'm sorry, Sonya. I swore to you that I would never deprive you of anything again ... I don't really know the easiest way to tell you this ... Bella was here this afternoon to tell me something specific. Something I wasn't prepared for ..." he began to say calmly and ashamedly. He swallowed and took a deep breath. "Bella is pregnant!" he said directly, but Sonya immediately smiled sentimentally and looked at me.

She rejoiced. Pregnant girlfriends who drove their husbands crazy with their whims. The thought amused her, even if she herself was a few weeks ahead.

"My darling," David gently redirected her attention back to him by placing her gaze back on him with a tender hand on her cheek. "It's nice that you're happy for Bella, but unfortunately there's a catch. A catch, which is why I'm telling you about it and Bella didn't tell you herself earlier ... Edward ... can't father children," he tried to say clearly, but it was more like a whisper.

He noticed it and, clearing his throat, tidied his vocal cords.

"But how ...?" Sonya began to ask.

"There is only one explanation as to how Bella got pregnant ..." he humbly continued to explain.

"You did ...!" Sonya indignantly stood up from the armchair and viciously glared at her husband kneeling in front of her while leaving the sentence unfinished.

She was seething with rage. Her fingernails dug into her palms; her jaw clenched compulsively.

"Sonya, please," David implored.

Sonya threw her head in my direction in dismay. She knew exactly what that was supposed to mean.

Your spouse. My fiancée.

Her compassionate look I could not bear, so I closed my eyes and lowered my head.

"On Saturday, Bella and I fell into bed tired, just like I told you. But in the morning, when Edward was back, we hardly had anything on. Neither of us knows what happened that night. We can't remember it. But because Bella is now expecting a child, there is no doubt that we ... That's no excuse, I know that ... I made a mistake and I stand by it. I ask for your forgiveness, even if that sounds rather presumptuous," he ended, deeply beaten, still kneeling in front of her and holding her clenched fists.

Sonya withdrew her hands from David in a rage and gave him a rich slap that echoed throughout the room, knocking David back.

"You asshole!" she merely snapped and came toward me.

She said nothing.

That I heard her thoughts, however, she did not know.

It went through her mind that we were equally the victims, she judged both of them harshly and felt sorry for me. She felt naive because she had always trusted David blindly about Bella. But in the end, Bella remained a woman. And not just any woman. Apart from the physical and mental advantages, the two were accompanied by a long friendship that apparently took away the last status-related inhibitions.

She hugged me and I hugged her.

Long and firm. We were allies.

"You get out of here!" she cursed in David's direction before leaving the study.

He nodded. Both physically and emotionally completely lying on the floor.

"David?" I asked after a few minutes, during which he didn't move a bit.

He knew what he had done, but was unresponsive. He did not react to the outside world.

Roughly, I pulled him up from the floor.

Our gazes met, but he stared right through me.

His only thought was Sonya and how he could implore her forgiveness.

Not wanting him to get behind the wheel so absent-mindedly, I stayed with him while he apathetically packed his bag for his business trip. He was almost finished when Emma came running into her parents' bedroom.

"You have to take these too!" she determined cutely, holding out the little gifts from the Advent calendar towards her father for the next two days.

Secretly, she was afraid. If they didn't open them on time as planned, Santa Claus might get the idea that he wouldn't have to deliver any more presents here. That had to be prevented at all costs!

"I would have forgotten about them. Thank you, cherub!" David emerged from his lethargy again.

He knelt down to her. He smiled forcedly and took the boxes from her. Stroked her happy face and took her tightly in his arms.

It scared him not knowing what Sonya would do with the news permanently. If she demanded the divorce, he would lose not only Sonya, but his children as well. He wouldn't be able to bear that.

He cried.

"Why are you crying, Daddy?" asked Emma, confused.

David swallowed and pushed back his tears. He smiled ... compulsively.

"I have to go two days without a kiss from you," he laboriously produced an explanation that Emma could reasonably comprehend.

He got a big smacker from his smooch ball before she went back to playing.

He was done, both with packing and with his nerves, so we drove to the airport in silence.

"I'm sorry, Edward!" he muttered on the way.

"I know, but that doesn't make it undone!" was all I replied.

We arrived at the airport, but also said nothing. He still had time until his plane left, but that was not my problem. Without saying farewell, I turned away.

I entered our large property.

My whole family was in Alaska, so it seemed lonely and deserted.

The way I felt.

It was already late, shortly before midnight, when I entered my house. I had walked slowly through the darkness. I had nothing to drive me on.

My existence lay in shards before me.

I would have been much faster if I had known what was waiting for me at home.

Jake and Leah.

They lay on one side of the sofa each, holding each other by one hand and sleeping.

I smirked a little as I let my eyes fleetingly roam my living room.

Bags of potato chips, packets of cookies, bottles of water and lemonade, plates. All empty, of course. That's how I knew my kids. I'd wake them up and send them home, but they both looked like they desperately needed the sleep. Worn out. Just like I felt.

So I just sent a message to Bella that the two of them were here so she wouldn't worry unnecessarily.

I covered the twins, gave them both a kiss on the forehead and sat down on the floor between them.

I looked at the young people I loved so much as if they were my children. My 'biological' children. A more precise definition that I had never thought about before. I had never had to think about it. Would my relationship with them change if I couldn't forgive Bella for this breach of trust? My affection? My goodwill? My love for them? I didn't know.

For a long time, however, I couldn't stand it.

I ran to Bella.

It worried me deeply that she was all alone in the house. In David's memories of this afternoon, she had seemed so weak. If something happened to her, I would never forgive myself.

Silently I entered the house and the bedroom.

There she lay.

I sat down in the armchair. I just wanted to watch over her sleep. The moonlight fell on her face.

Her eyes were reddened, her skin unhealthily pale, her full strawberry lips faded. She looked haggard. She did not move. As in the previous nights, when I had still enclosed her tightly in my arms and had feasted on her closeness, she did not move. If I didn't hear her heart and lungs doing their job evenly in the darkness, I would be overcome with panic. She called out to me in her sleep, though the mood changed the longer I resisted her calls. Anxious, closely followed by pleading and asking for apology. Then actually angry, grumpy, and accusing.

She simply remained impossible, I smiled to myself. How I would like to kiss the worry lines from her forehead, to revive the tender lips, but I remained steadfast. She had betrayed me!

In time I ran home again.

The school-aged wolves had to be awakened.

Of course, I turned on the fully automatic coffee machine beforehand.

Like many other things, they had inherited this from their mother: without coffee in the early morning, they were obnoxious. Also one of the reasons why I voluntarily turned on the machine every morning and hadn't asked the two to cash in their betting debts yet.

"Jake, Leah," I whispered, putting a hand to both of their cheeks.

It took them a moment to wake up, but then they looked at me.

They were both thinking about what to say.

"Don't say anything," I said, holding out the cups from the table to them, offering.

They paid no attention to them, stood up and hugged me wordlessly.

It felt so good.

"You have to go home and to school," I said after a while, but they didn't want to go.

I actually had to argue with them about it. That was so typical.

"You have more of your mother in you than you realize. You are just as stubborn as her," I shook my head.

"Are you going to school?" Leah wanted to know and took her cup after all.

"No. I can't. I need to clear up some things," I tried to say.

My emotions were still jumbled. I loved Bella more than anything in the world. At the same time, I hated her. I was delighted that she was so happy about this baby, yet its emergence shook me to my core. I never wanted to look her in the eyes again, yet I missed the warm chocolate. It was so strange.

"You're abandoning Mom?" asked Jake.

He - like Leah - was in disagreement about his feelings. If so, they could understand, but with that I would also abandon the twins. That scared them.

"I don't know. Because of you three, my life has meaning. I don't want give any of you away, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to look Bella in the eye again with an open mind. Or trust her. I have to think about it," I explained.

They nodded.

We sat down close together on the sofa, and they finished their cups in silence, leaning against my shoulder.

For that, they both reflected on the quarrel they had had with their mother yesterday. And that they were not sorry for a word of it. I also saw that we had apparently only missed each other by a few minutes in the forest, when they had run here and I to David.

"You are not coming back here tonight!", I sternly ordered afterwards as we stood outside the front door.

"But ..." Jake began indignantly.

"No! You stay at home. I don't want Bella to be alone in the house all night. Not in her condition," I interrupted him. "That Bella is pregnant has nothing to do with you and you will not choose one side or the other and espouse for anyone! No matter what she has done to me, she remains your mother and she loves you. Just as you love her. You apologize to Bella for what you said to her yesterday! You were inconsiderate and ... you need to take care of your mother," I urged the two, but they were just stubborn. "So that you get a little sibling! This innocent creature can do nothing about this situation!" I added, which the both of them then understood to their own regret.

I wished Jake good luck for his game this afternoon.

However, my son usually didn't need luck for that. He loved basketball and was in excellent shape. I promised to be with him in my thoughts. Maybe even literally. I hadn't made up my mind yet.

Then they ran off. I heard the distant wolf howl as I closed the front door, and it touched me.

For a long time, I just stood there.

Again and again, my thoughts rewound the quarrel with Bella as well as the conversation with David. At the same time, I saw Bella walking through this house in my mind's eye, her sitting in the armchair laughing, invitingly in front of the piano, curious at the bookshelf. No chance to really think.

It was noon when I decided to pay Sonya a visit.

I had promised David to watch out for his family. An oath to which I no longer felt bound. However, I felt a personal need to convince myself of Sonya's condition.

She was alone in the house with Emma.

Of course. The boys were at school.

Emma was lying on the sofa in the living room. It was the only time of day when she was allowed to watch TV. However, this was based on the quiet hope that she would then fall asleep.

'She was much too old for a nap! After all, she would no longer be a baby!' Her statement.

Emma, by the way, was sleeping peacefully while Queen Elsa was singing about her freedom.

This film was already over ten years old, yet it still enchanted countless little girls around the world.

I sat with Sonya in the kitchen after we hugged each other for a long time.

"How are you?" I asked anxiously.

"I'll be fine. I'm not so easy to break," she smirked at me reassuringly and asked me the same question.

"I'm confused. I hate and love Bella. I want to be with her, but I don't want to see her," I explained my emotional chaos in summary.

She smiled.

"It'll pass."

"When?" I asked almost desperately.

"When you realize what you want!" she smiled at me understandingly.

Then probably never, I thought cynically.

"Then you've already forgiven David for this fling?" I asked doubtfully.

"No!" she replied in a hard voice, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

We talked.

She hadn't forgiven David by a long shot, didn't know if she could either, but she had seen in his eyes how it was taking him.

I confirmed it and now disclosed to her for the first time that I had a gift.

Sonya knew that my family - or my species in general - still had some secrets in store. We did not want to hide it from her in principle, because the transformation was the emergency solution for her in the worst case of childbirth. But it was her wish not to find out everything at once. Until the birth, she would still have a few months' time to get a comprehensive picture and then make her decision alone, which David still did not want to make over her head. We stuck to that and so we only explained some details of vampiric life to her when she noticed something and asked about it.

She was less surprised about my mind reading than I would have expected.

"I've noticed a few times when you've said or done something without anyone addressing you. Especially with the twins."

"Of course, they know about this talent and often use their thoughts to tell me something. Especially if they're embarrassed to say it, thinking it's none of other business, or are still thinking about the right choice of words."

"And Bella?" she asked.

"I've never been able to look into Bella pretty head," I admitted, telling her how she all too often surprised me with her thought processes.

But I also told her what I had heard from her spouse yesterday. That I would have almost felt sorry for him if I of all people had not been the sufferer. She wanted to hear in detail how it had looked in David's head and I told her ... until Sonya suddenly yawned.

"Sorry. I'm keeping you from your nap," I asked for forgiveness.

"Never mind. I'm sure Emma will wake up in a minute, too."

"Go ahead and lie down. I'll stay with Emma," I objected.

She evaluated which weighed more heavily. The prospect that she could get some rest after all or standing by a good friend. She considered the latter.

"I mean it. Lie down!" I said sternly before she came to a final decision.

She smiled, thanked me warmly, and went upstairs.

And I went into the living room and sat down on the floor in front of Emma. The movie wasn't over yet, so I watched the end very intently to distract myself. I only realized with a delay that Emma had woken up.

Not until I noticed her arms on my shoulders.

"Eddie!" she giggled, and I couldn't help but smile as well.

She was such a sweet angel.

I made her some cocoa, played with her, and she almost let me forget that my own little world was standing in front of nothing. Still, I paid attention to Sonya's heartbeat, who came back down to the first floor a good hour later. But I also had to keep an eye on Emma. That she didn't cheat at memory. Our game was finished, Emma had won, and Sonya stood smiling subtly with a cup of tea in the doorway from where she had been watching us.

'For such an angel one takes a lot on oneself!' she thought to herself, and I looked at her skeptically.

I could hardly believe it! She had known how dangerous another pregnancy could be. She had known that all the doctors had advised her against it. She had known that she was putting her life at risk with it ... But she didn't care. Sonya paid no attention to the many warnings as she increasingly forgot to actually take the pill.

"You wanted this child?" I inquired incredulously, while Emma stowed the game in a closet.

She put herself in danger - for a fourth child? Not in order to have one at all, because Rosalie would also move heaven and hell for that. No. It was her fourth! That's over my head.

She nodded caught and turned to the kitchen.

I hurriedly - humanly slowly - walked behind.

"You're risking your life just to have another girl? Which you can't be sure will be a girl? Why?" I asked calmly and turned her in my direction by one hand.

"Look at Emma and tell me it was a mistake!" she suddenly snapped at me, flailing her arms wildly.

I shrank back.

Oops ... I had only put a question! Not even in any way accusatory, but just inquisitive, because I did not understand.

Sonya walked further into the kitchen with angry steps and snorting indignantly to herself.

So those were the mood swings because of which David sometimes just dropped by for a beer or a coffee.

I followed her - smirking.

"I'm sorry!" I said, reasonably truthfully. Actually, I had done nothing wrong! Only a simple question posed, whose answer still peaked my curiosity.

Without really taking note of me, her thoughts had wandered on.

She became angry. Maybe Bella got the girl that Sonya wished for so much. The indignation about David also returned with it. She questioned herself why it had happened. Whether she had even provoked it herself. Whether he was such a nymphomaniac asshole that he couldn't stand it without sex. The baby was probably lying a bit awkwardly and so the physical union caused her pain. She already knew that from the other three. It was only a short phase that would soon pass. But apparently David had not been able to keep his urges under control for so long this time. If it was only so this time! she still thought bitterly and clawed herself angrily into the kitchen countertop.

"He has never cheated on you. He loves you too much for that!" I said meekly into her thoughts and took her hand soothingly.

Only with that did she remember that I was listening to her.

She blushed a little and looked to the side.

"Really never?" she asked, though, whereby little tears glistening in her eyes.

"No. Never! ... The thought never occurred to him!" I confirmed, and she smiled at me a little.

She hugged me gratefully for this calming news.

I was surprised.

I hadn't heard anything of the sort from David when he had pondered about the 'Why?'. Did that mean that the temporary lack of sex was unimportant to him?

"How long have you been in pain while doing it?" I asked after a moment. Not out of curiosity, because it was none of my business, but out of medical due diligence.

"I wouldn't know that's any of your business!" she rumbled, squirming out of my arms and turning her attention to a muffin on the other side of the kitchen.

A quick look into the living room, Emma was busy with her teddy.

"Didn't we ever tell you I went to medical school? ... Twice?" I stood in her way in a flash, blocking her path to the little calorie bombs.

Yes, Sonya already knew our speed. Likewise our strength and body temperature.

Her face contorted in cute surprise.

That would mean 'no' to my question. Admittedly, I hadn't paid much attention to the topic of gynecology both times, since it didn't interest me very much and wasn't worth knowing for Carlisle either. The medical progress I was to share with Carlisle through these courses of study had not been particularly noteworthy in this department. But, well, vampires don't forget anything, after all.

"That's the only reason I ask about it," I explained.

She eyed me suspiciously before giving up.

Maybe it wasn't so much her confidence in me, but rather the blueberry muffins behind me.

"For about two weeks now. If it's anything like the others, it'll be over soon. A little growth spurt and it laid down differently," she placated.

She could be right about that, of course. That the fetus pressed unfavorably on a nerve, while David in turn pushed against it from another side, was not impossible. Nevertheless, I advised her to talk about it with Carlisle. She said 'Yes' and thought 'No way!' She would still find out how well my gift worked.

Before I left again, Emma proudly showed me a red neckerchief with snowflakes and a sled and a fir tree and a snowman ... that was hidden in her little door today. A neckerchief for her and one for her teddy. She jittery asked her mommy to also show her present. The relief of a richly decorated Christmas tree as a brooch, which she had attached to her blouse.

I said goodbye after giving both ladies a farewell kiss on the cheek.

"If there's anything I can do for you, or you need help - like a babysitter while you rest - or want to talk, please call me!" I urged Sonya.

"Thank you!" she nodded honestly.

Sonya asked in her mind if I would go to Bella, but I shook my head.

I was not that far yet.

Still, I focused on Bella's heartbeat as I approached the house.

I just wanted to hear if everything was all right. What couldn't happen to her? After all, this was Bella. Everything from a broken fingernail to the outbreak of the apocalypse was within the realm of absolute possibility! But I heard the steady pulsation on the first floor. Her breathing was also even. Therefore, I dared to go to the windows and saw her on the sofa. She had dozed off. She was sitting at the opposite corner from me, her legs stretched out and with a blanket over them. One hand lay protectively over her abdomen. Motherly instincts. In the other she held a book that would slip off her legs at any moment. I didn't see her face, which was hiding behind a pillow that was taking on a life of its own.

I concentrated more closely.

The baby's heart was also beating steadily.

The book slid and before it even hit the floor, I was sitting in my car that I had left here yesterday. I didn't look back as I drove down the driveway.

I drove to the school, parked, but did not get out.

I couldn't stand crowds right now.

I looked at the watch.

5:38 p.m. In twenty-two minutes, Jake's game started. And I wasn't there. It made me sad not to be there. To miss an episode of my son's life.

As the kickoff approached, I at least sought his thoughts.

If I wasn't going to sit in the hall to cheer him on, I wanted to participate at least this way.

But he played unfocused and was constantly occupied in his thoughts with his parents quarrel. That I was not there to watch his play frightened him in a very childish scared way.

I texted Leah, telling her to yell at Jake that he should play kindly decent! With a winking smiley so that my sarcasm was also understood.

It worked after Leah showed him the text message.

The thoughts of both of them calmed down, now that they knew I was around and not leaving them alone.

Jake pulled himself together and the Thornton Academy Trojans won the game.

I congratulated in person as Jake – still in his gym clothes – Leah, Becky, and Marcus came running into the parking lot.

I reminded my children again that they should stay home tonight.

Otherwise, they would have smoothly but 'accidentally' forgotten to.

I hugged my three angels, shook hands with Marcus, and then drove out of town.

I parked the BMW under my carport and ran through the forest.

Somewhere where nothing reminded me of Bella.

After some time, I found myself on the cliff where I had once found Leah.

Not four weeks had passed.

I sat down and watched the waves build up in the roaring sea, crawl further and further towards the beach, and then break.

It was somehow soothing. Here I could think.

I pointed out the facts to myself.

Bella was pregnant by David and neither of both knew yet how it had happened. Was it really possible if they absolutely did not remember any of it? I believed David in this regard. I had no other choice, after all, I had followed his thoughts. He was just a human being who couldn't control his thoughts nearly as well as people like us or even my twins could. Due to the current topic of dispute, at least a memory fragment would have slipped into his consciousness if he really wanted to withhold the adultery knowingly from me. Therefore, I could assume that there were indeed no memories of that night - except those that I already knew. However, this advantage through my gift did not bring me any further with Bella.

I objectively recalled yesterday at noon, when I had driven home full of worry.

How Bella had received me. Completely happy. She was outraged when I meant that it could not be my baby. It was not a simulated panic that made her falter at that moment. Not because I didn't believe her lie. She was honestly shocked when I offered David as a father. Her appearance with David also did not indicate that she was aware of this night of love. Did this make the infidelity itself excusable? There was a reason why I had trusted Bella and David unreservedly until now. I had been watching the two very closely and eavesdropping on David, especially at the time when David saw in me only a classmate of the twins. There was absolutely no sexual tension between them. Neither consciously ... nor accidentally. No matter how often the two had each other in their arms, for whatever reason , so I recognized with both only one - even if very deep - friendly affection which lay well-founded in their long connection. Nothing more! Jealousy was out of place between them. David had no thoughts in him that could be considered unseemly toward me. And Bella never looked at anyone the way she looked at me!

My cell phone rang in the middle of my thoughts.

"You're confusing Alice!" Carlisle accused me.

I smiled faintly, even before he explained it.

For hours I sat somewhere in the wilderness, unable to make a decision. Since Alice kept our family steadily in a protective gaze, she would have seen me here. And not understand it. Far away from Bella and the twins, who usually blocked her view.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Carlisle immediately, sounding concerned while doing so.

I took a deep breath, but said nothing.

That was my problem, not his. And I had not yet gained clarity about what I was going to do.

So I played down the issue of his question as unfounded.

"Maybe you'd rather talk about your situation in person," Carlisle reasoned, and I bristled.

In disbelief, I looked at my phone for a moment.

How did he know there was a situation here worth talking about?

"I've known you long enough. You don't stay away from your family longer than absolutely necessary. So something must have happened that you need to think about in great detail! And if our family's lives were in danger, you would have already come forward," he immediately explained his own reasoning.

Carlisle! Always noticed how one felt. Even if he was 6,000 miles away.

I smiled.

"Henry Young called me. Apparently there's a medical emergency, which is why I'm already at the airport and coming home earlier. That's why I called," he gave me to understand.

He just wanted to avoid the possibility that he would be mistaken for a burglar if the children saw lights on in the house. Or for a thief if they saw his Mercedes on the street.

We ended the phone call.

I looked out over the sea.

Talking with Carlisle about Bella. What would he say? 'This time, are you willing to do anything Bella might ask you to do?' The question he had asked me so few weeks ago. But what would my answer be today? Her request: I should keep my promise. Stay with her. With her and someone else's child. My answer: Still unclear. But one thing was beyond question: I loved Bella. Now, then, and for the eternity. The only question was whether I could forgive her betraying of my love. So, since jealousy was not appropriate between Bella and David, I was haunted by the question of why they had done it. It just didn't make sense. Neither of them was particularly adventurous nor would they put the beloved life they already had at risk. For a single night! And I had no reason to believe that David had deceived me in his thoughts about this.

Sonya's words and thoughts were increasingly running through my head.

What Sonya deliberately took it upon herself to have another child. A girl, as she hoped. The action of a desperate woman. History showed that desperate women were capable of desperate actions. Had Bella also been desperate? She had said that she no longer wanted a child, but did that correspond to the truth? Bella had possibly forbidden herself to desire a child. A kind of protective mechanism that was supposed to make it easier for her to bear the fact that she was no longer having a baby. Because I could not give her one. Maybe she had cheated herself with it. The desire to have a child could take on enormous shapes. Carlisle and Jasper had once learned that when they studied psychology together. Perhaps the case was similar with Bella, only that she had hidden it so far in an exemplary manner. Even from herself.

The little sweet Emma appeared in my mind's eye.

And now this angel lived in the direct neighborhood of Bella. Letting her see daily what she would never have again. I couldn't tell how many times I had thought, in jest, that one should just forget about this little tomboy with us. But now I understood self-evidently Sonya's motives for taking on this pregnancy. She wanted another little angel like that. Was Emma even the one who tipped the scales? Did Emma make Bella's biological clock strike loudly before it would be too late? Had Bella simply taken the chance when David was lying beside her, not sane? An act of desperation? Consciously or unconsciously?

I thought about the twins.

My children! How ridiculous this sounded conceptually to me now. As soon as I suspected that Leah and Jake were Bella's children, they were part of my life. But actually I had nothing to do with them. Nevertheless, I loved them both. Unconditionally! But would this child be able to grow on my heart equally? As much as the twins? I doubted it. But on the other hand: It was just as much a part of Bella. Her essence would be reflected in it. Maybe have her eyes. Some character traits. Her stubbornness! The distinguished graceful figure. The brown soft hair. Her smell ... But at the same time, I would recognize the father in it ... What would be different from Daniel, Luces, Deacon, or Emma? I loved those children too. Not like my own, it was more of a protective instinct like that of a big brother or uncle, yet David's children were very dear to my heart. 'WE are having a baby!' That's what she had said. Bella wanted it to be mine. She had even screamed it in my face. I wished so much that it was just true. Would it be possible to live with this insinuation? To block out the knowledge that it would not be mine? I imagined it ... A sweet little baby in the arms of my happy beaming beautiful wife. Jake would teach a boy basketball and protect a sister from bad guys. Like he tried to do with Leah every now and then. Unnecessarily! Leah would protect the little brother from bad boys and show the girl what it means to be a girl. How the baby would awkwardly pull their fur.

I smirked.

How this little something lay between us, rowing clumsily with its hands. Well protected. How it smiled and would probably enchant me with it. Like the laughter of my Bella. Of my angel. In my arms. Where she belonged! ...

I startled at this thought. I stood on my feet faster than my mind could grasp it.

I smiled.

Yes! I would be able to love it!

Immediately I dialed.

Dial tone. But Bella did not answer her cell phone.

I ran the fingers through my hair smiling.

Maybe she had left her phone somewhere again and didn't hear it.

I strolled off while dialing the landline number.

I got nervous when the phone wasn't picked up. My pace quickened and I dialed again. Another attempt on the cell phone, which was interrupted by my battery.

A gloomy shadow settled over my thoughts. It was a strange feeling that frightened me. Once I had already experienced this. It was then that Carlisle had talked me out of my misgivings. The afternoon when I emptied Samantha's room with him while my angel sank into her deep gloomy abyss.

As if possessed by the devil, I ran.

What was with my angel?

Thank you for reading!