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Chapter 160
... And Back Down to Earth!
Bella
When we stepped through Carlisle and Esmé's front door, it took exactly five seconds for the grandparents to stand with us and for Esmé to have Ced in her arms. Opening the straps of the baby carrier had taken three of those seconds.
"We're here, too, by the way," Edward stated matter-of-factly, giving his parents a played reproachful look.
They hugged us apologetically - briefly.
I smiled and immediately chuckled as Ced once again wanted to be brought to safety from Carlisle.
"Since you don't have anything better to do right now, why don't we just get the check-up over with," I suggested to him.
He nodded in offense and Edward, of course, stayed with me.
Weighing, measuring, urine sample, blood draw. The usual.
"How are you?" he asked intently, meanwhile.
"Pretty good, actually. The pills you gave me seem to be helping. I would say, at least. Nothing really hurts anymore. It's just all a little sensitive," I explained.
"Sensitive, mmm ...?" hooked Carlisle, looking at Edward in a reprimanding way.
He smirked and shrugged his shoulders.
I, on the other hand, was busy blushing.
He was interested by the course of the postpartum flow, but it was no longer present.
"That sounds very good," Carlisle immediately smiled with satisfaction.
He palpated my abdomen and examined me gynecologically. More carefully than he should have been, which I told him so.
"I brought a new device from the hospital. In simple terms, it combines the technology of an MRI and CT and is intended above all to be handy and variable. For example, if someone has a metal plate in the skull, but only the lungs or heart need to be examined more closely, it was not possible to perform an MRI until now, because it works with magnetism. That shouldn't be a problem with this, since you only apply it to targeted areas. It's still in development, which is why it currently takes several hours to evaluate images on a PC, but I'd like to try it out."
I nodded and Carlisle set up the technical device. A plate was pushed under my pelvis and lower back. Cold and hard. It would certainly be padded to some extent in the later final production. So was the plate he placed on my abdomen. It wasn't particularly heavy, but the cold metal made me shiver. Then I was to hold my breath and not move, he pressed a button, a strange whirring sounded and that was it.
Quickly I got dressed again, with Edward giving me a hand.
No matter how many times Carlisle examined me, I still felt uncomfortable lying here half-naked.
Meanwhile, he washed his hands and generally acted as if he were not there at all.
It was nice of him, as Edward helped me get dressed in a very pleasant way. Standing between my legs, he still kissed me while I sat dressed on the lounger.
"So," Carlisle continued afterwards, leaning against the sideboards in a relaxed manner. "From a medical standpoint, from what I can tell without the pictures and blood and urine results, you're doing excellent. Since I didn't have to cut, everything has already healed externally well. Even though hormonally your body will certainly want to tease you for some time, you can still do everything you want to do."
"Sex?" slipped out of my mouth as he said it, and almost at the same time I felt the heat in my head.
I looked sheepishly at the floor while I heard Edward chuckle. He pulled my cheek against his neck and put a hand on the other cheek. Carlisle didn't say anything for a moment, which made me even more embarrassed.
"I had thought more of you wanting to swim with Ced, but sex is also medically safe. If you feel like it, you may do that again," Carlisle replied rather delayed, but professionally equanimous.
So I had the courage to look at him again.
He smiled understandingly.
"But for any more grandchildren - who I will then definitely not welcome into the world with a slap - you might want to wait a little longer," he smirked, leaving us alone.
Nevertheless, it took a moment until the heat had passed. My gaze was gently lifted, and I faced against a delighted angel.
"Mrs. Black. Will you do me the honor of going out with me tomorrow night?" he asked with formal politeness.
"What about tonight?"
"Unfortunately, we're already up to something there," he pursed his mouth disapprovingly, but amused.
Ah yes. The New Year's Eve party. Even though I was actually looking forward to it - yes, really - celebrating with my friends seemed so incidental right now.
"One evening, my heart ... just the two of us ..." he promised, gently kissing my lips in between.
It tingled inside me.
We had happened to read together in a magazine that the first sex after childbirth was like a second first time for a couple. Edward would certainly come up with a perfect evening. Like a first date. Maybe back in Portland, where we didn't have to be as careful as we were here in Saco. A nice restaurant, a bar for dancing, a hotel room with a sea of candles. Or to the coast with a view of the sea. A lonely cabin in the woods. Or maybe something entrepreneurial like a drive-in movie theater or a tourist tour of Portland or Boston. I was definitely looking forward to our date. A real date. With Edward.
We went to our temporary bedroom and changed to swim.
Esmé was already downstairs with Ced. Our son had apparently been a bit crotchety and demanding in this regard.
Our teenagers had also arrived here on the grounds in the meantime. We sought these out first, since we hadn't seen them yet today. We found them in the bowling alley, where Jake and Marcus once again engaged in a personal competition and were loudly cheered on by their girls.
"How is your hand?" asked Edward.
For the fact that Marcus was injured, even if he was only wearing a band-aid, my angel actually chuckled too much for me.
I bristled.
"Better," Marcus smirked back, but didn't look at him in the process.
And Leah also looked a little embarrassed to the floor. When they both got a shallow smack in the nape, I understood the reason. Closer details, of which Edward apparently became aware more than he wished, I did not want to know in any case!
Edward literally fled from the thoughts of the teenagers in love, which didn't seem to stop despite the memory slap, and we walked to the other side of the basement.
Esmé was sitting on the staircase in the water, with Ced who was happily splashing around. Someone had gotten all sorts of baby-safe swimming accessories. A ring to put Ced in. A mat he could sit on without sinking. A watering can, water wings, balls, tires, tubes, tunnels ... and - this seemed to be of particular interest to our angel - a yellow squeaking duck that floated in front of him in the water.
Ced never tired of looking at everything very closely and figuring out what he could do with all the colorful things in the water.
We splashed around exuberantly with our sweet baby, but I also swam a few laps, staying close to the edge as a precaution.
This would definitely be good for my sagging belly.
In the meantime Esmé brought us something to eat and we rested a little on the loungers, but Ced wanted to get back into the water very quickly.
Edward was not surprised by this. As he said, he had read that babies could move more easily in water and thus get a better feeling for their own motor skills. On the one hand, because they were almost weightless in the water, and on the other, because they were not hindered by clothing. That's why there were swimming classes for babies.
It wasn't until late afternoon that Ced was ready to leave the pool without complaining.
He then also found my hair dryer quite fun. After two bottles and when he was again 'socially acceptable', as Edward old-fashionly put it, Ced was then very quickly asleep.
We went downstairs to the others in the living room.
I had not yet seen Edward's siblings, but now they were all busy decorating the first floor.
Here there would be a New Year's Eve party that would dwarf the celebrations in New York's Times Square. So Alice announcement. Already looked very promising.
The Mitchell family would be back in full force. Also invited today were Zoey and Alex. Alex had been a bit of a problem, since he had heard from Zoey that I was pregnant, but on the other hand he knew nothing supernatural. So we had made up with Zoey and David that I had lost the baby and now adopted one. The same was true for Peter and Stan, who were also invited.
Only our four young people would not be there. Unfortunately.
They reached the living room shortly after us. There were enthusiastic exclamations and whistles.
I knew that this year it was a theme party, so to speak, that would be held at a school friend's house - Ryan Harper's. A boy from a fairly affluent background, but anything but cocky about it. I had met him once when he was organizing the basketball championship party. He sort of specialized in parties of all kinds and always seemed hard at work. Perhaps he could be described as the male counterpart to Alice. Half the school was invited, but the other half would still come. Today's motto was 'Black & White'.
If I didn't know Marcus, I would forbid Leah to go out with him. In his all-black outfit, he looked dangerous. To top it off, his three-day beard made him look even more sinister. However, Leah didn't exactly look like a well-behaved angel either.
Much too provocative for my - maternal - taste. Apart from the deep cleavage, I could have sworn that I had already put those panties in her underwear drawer. For this, however, she wore various black stockings. Was that supposed to somehow make up for the revealingness? If so, the shot would probably backfire.
Jake and Becky, on the other hand, were different. They both wore white and looked really adorable.
At least at first glance. Looking closer, Becky's dress also allowed for some pretty deep looks.
"That's not how you wanted to leave the house!" said Edward dryly even before I did.
It was a statement! Not a question! It was understood differently by the teenagers, however.
"Um ... Yes!?" agreed Jake, looking uncomprehendingly at himself and down at the other three.
"Don't you think maybe that's a little ... too revealing!", Edward made another attempt.
I nodded in agreement.
"Don't make such a fuss, Eddie. That's what people wear nowadays!" Alice clarified.
"Your daughters look really hot!" interjected Emmett from the background, which the girls noted with an eye shrug that said that was exactly what they were aiming for.
"That's exactly the problem!" made Edward clear.
"Do you think we're going to let these two get groped by anyone!" Jake's look now became challenging as he put an arm possessively around Becky.
Marcus' hands, meanwhile, pushed at Leah's waist in a similar-acting manner.
Point for the kids, I thought giving up and sighed in dissatisfaction.
At the same time as Edward.
Since the twins' Mercedes were parked in Saco and Marcus' bus in the local underground parking lot was prohibited from driving, Esmé drove the children back to town. She wanted to get some things ready for the staff on duty at the hospital. Even though Carlisle had the day off, as the owner's wife she felt responsible for the employees. Similar to Christmas, the doctors and nurses should be able to celebrate a bit, if there was time. So she had organized a catering service, music and a solo entertainer who was not only supposed to create a good atmosphere in the children's ward. So she wanted to see again if everything was all right.
Edward and I stood around the living room indecisively for a moment.
We had then actually for the celebration here in the house still wanted to help, but found nothing that would have still somehow required help. The cold buffet along with drinks was ready - some still in the refrigerator - sweets for the children were sufficiently placed, music was playing - although at the moment very quietly in the background - party decorations as far as the eye could see, various disco lighting was also connected and set up. There was also nothing lying around untidily that still needed to be tidied up.
So we turned around to the rolling baby cradle, leaned on the frame with our forearms, and watched our son sleep for a bit.
He was so cute. His eyes moved under his eyelids, his little fingers opened and closed, his little legs kicked a little, every now and then he yawned.
"We're still missing a daughter," I muttered.
Edward looked at me incredibly moved. A subtle smile that came to the surface from deep within his heart and soul was on his lips.
"You really want to give me another child?" asked Edward in a whisper, so as not to disturb our angel, but no less devoted.
"As many as you want," I replied. With only four weeks of pregnancy and as well as I was already feeling again today, that shouldn't be a problem at all. After all, we now knew how to do it. What we would have to pay attention to. Hopefully my craving for ice cream would not come back. The thought already made me sick.
"But the pain, Bella! I don't want to do that to you again. I could hardly stand to see you like that and I haven't thanked you nearly enough for Ced," he opined, but I smiled.
"Yes, you did. The pain doesn't matter at all. It is forgotten as soon as I have my babies in my arms. That's how it's been so far, that's how it'll be next time," I said, walking around the cradle into his arms. "I want another baby from you ... A sweet little girl. She'll look up to you adoringly and definitely call you Daddy," I visualized it dreamily.
"And if it's another boy?" he asked.
"Then I guess we'll have to keep trying. Until there's a tie again," I reflected.
"You make me the happiest being that ever was and ever will be in this universe!" Edward smiled feelingly, breathed a kiss on my lips and hugged me soulfully.
Yes, another baby. Only then would my family really be complete. Two children by Jacob, my sun. Two children by Edward, my everything. Edward had missed so many years with Jake and Leah. They were grown up and didn't really need us anymore. And yet it was such wonderful years with them. I wished in the worst way to be able to give Edward the experience of being a father in all its facets. That he was there when his children discovered the world. The many questions that came to children's minds, to which one might not always have an answer. For example, how to have children, I remembered Emma's question. Or why is water transparent. Later on, they also liked to ask why one has to go to bed to sleep - Jake at the age of eight - or why one was not allowed to just spend the night at one's boyfriend's house - Leah about half a year ago. Also always a popular question was 'Mom, what are you doing?' Both of them. Since they could talk. Until today! Of course, mainly in situations where I would have had to answer truthfully: 'I'm shaving my private parts', which would inevitably have been followed by the question of why. 'I'm surfing the site of an online dating agency' or 'I'm wrapping your Christmas presents'. Funny moments in retrospect, but in the respective moments just impossible ...
Someone discreetly cleared his throat behind Edward.
"Since we have some time before the guests arrive, do we want to look at the results?" asked Carlisle.
We nodded tensely.
The shot with this strange device was over six hours ago.
Carlisle was confident that the evaluation would be fully processed by now. He explained on the way up that it would be considerably faster later. At present, it was the results that were important to the developers, not the speed at which they would be available.
The PC in the treatment room was on a pedestal. The screen saver disappeared, and Carlisle clicked a few times. The monitor went black, but at the bottom one could see that an image was very slowly building up there.
I sat down on the swivel stool.
That would probably take a moment.
Out of boredom, I turned back and forth. I looked after Carlisle, who went to the other side of the room. I turned back to the monitor, on which something was only slowly happening. Turned to Carlisle, who was pulling evaluations from his other lab equipment. Turned back and startled myself just a tiny bit.
"Are you impatient?" asked Edward, not an inch from my face.
"Aren't you?" I teased him. I wanted to know when, according to preliminary estimates, we could start producing our daughter together. To put it objectively.
Edward was probably thinking something similar. He smirked sweetly and kissed me, just as a foretaste. But he interrupted our kiss and looked up at Carlisle.
With a face that did not appeal to me at all.
A brief moment passed before he jerkily turned away from me and stared at the image on the monitor.
"No!" he cursed, running his hands through his hair erratically and staggering back a few steps until he bumped into the frozen Carlisle.
They looked at the picture together, stiff as a board. Edward dismayed; Carlisle rather incredulously surprised.
So my gaze also went to the monitor, which in the meantime had completely built up the image.
I didn't understand what the two of them were so upset about. It looked good. Without having studied medicine or being familiar with such evaluations, I recognized everything I suspected was inside me. Just as I had learned again when researching pregnancy on the internet a few weeks ago. Uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries. All there. And it was not really different from the pictures I had seen on the Internet at the time.
I turned back to the physicians present.
By now, they were no longer looking at the monitor, but at each other.
I narrowed my eyes a bit and concentrated.
They not only looked, they talked to each other. Only I didn't notice any of that.
Carlisle reached for a test tube at the side. A little of my blood was still in it. The pitiful remainder of what he had not used for the laboratory equipment.
"Nobody knows it better than you!" he held it out to Edward.
He took the glass from him, hesitated, looked meaningfully into his father's eyes and drank the sip of my blood. But he did not swallow. He seemed to keep the drops in his mouth for an eternal period of time, until he did swallow.
"Nothing," he stated. Relief stretched across his face.
As was the case with Carlisle, who set the test tube aside and propped his hands on the sideboard, his shoulders drooping. He seemed thoughtful.
"What the hell is going on?!" I now made my presence known.
Edward looked at me. With a look with which he begged me for apology more than ever before. His hands gently slid to my cheeks.
"Bella, my heart ... We won't have a daughter," he almost whispered, and it appeared as if the moment he said it, something inside him broke irretrievably.
"But ... why wouldn't we ..." I mumbled questioningly as my gaze snapped back to the monitor.
I looked at the recording indecisively for some time, until it 'clicked' so loudly inside me that it rumbled in my ears and a tear ran immediately down my cheek.
The picture looked TOO good.
Edward hugged me. He held onto me, it seemed to me, and I held onto him.
It took me a moment to be able to look at Carlisle.
I wanted to know what exactly was going on now. How it could come to this.
"I'm sorry, but I have nothing but a theory," he justified himself meekly.
I smiled weakly.
A theory. Again.
"Nothing about your blood or urine values suggests that you have recently had a baby. All the values are absolutely perfect. You are perfectly healthy. But nothing indicates a recent pregnancy ... Your organs say the same. Everything has already fully recovered and shows no evidence of having been strained even a little bit," Carlisle said intently, apparently still searching for the reason.
"And then why can't I have another child when everything is so great and perfect?" I asked.
I noticed how Edward flinched briefly at my question.
Carlisle pointed to the image on the monitor.
"Do you see the difference here? Between vagina and cervix?" he asked.
I stepped closer and looked at it more closely, whereby Edward not letting go of me. I finally nodded.
The whole upper part with the uterus itself, the fallopian tubes and something like that seemed kind of ...
"It's no longer getting blood flow. That whole area," Carlisle replied before I could think of an appropriate term. "Everything is where it should be. Just like the textbook. A completely intact and healthy uterus ... Except it no longer has any function ... it's no longer alive," he pointed to my female features.
I swallowed dryly.
"Your theory?"
"Ced very likely bit open the amniotic sac with his teeth. I think it is possible that there was venom on his teeth," he said.
"Ced ... transformed me?", I squeaked in panic and realized at the same time that I was getting dizzy.
Edward held me, but put me on the stretcher to be on the safe side. It was not absolutely necessary, but it calmed me how he sat at my side, held my hand and stroked my cheek.
"It doesn't seem to be like that. The transformation sets in finally and inexorably only when the venom reaches the heart. But you have no venom in your blood," Edward explained to me equanimously.
So that's why he had just drunk the rest of my blood. I should rather say examined. No one else knew what I tasted like.
"Ced's venom is more weakly concentrated than that of any of us. Therefore, it does not seem to spread throughout the body, but only affects where he was. Perhaps it is also simply due to the amount, which was certainly less than in a usual bite," he continued.
"In favor of this theory would also be that you were quite warm the day after the birth. In addition, you felt excellent again surprisingly quickly afterwards," Carlisle added.
This all sounded quite comprehensible to me, but there was one thing that still didn't make sense to me.
"If everything regressed so great, then why didn't my belly?" I asked.
"Because it's absolutely human tissue. The abdominal wall, muscle tissue and fat layers are exactly as you would expect a week after birth. You have the impression that your abdominal wall is hanging, as you said this morning. Looking at the picture, this makes sense. Normally, everything regresses evenly ... One can exercise to get a tight tummy again, but this helps the organs at the same time. Specific exercises to support the uterus are also good for the figure itself. It happens hand in hand to a certain extent. But in your case, the uterus has sort of abruptly returned to its original dimensions, and so the skin has nothing to hold onto," Carlisle explained.
I just nodded and closed my eyes.
I didn't know how much time might have passed-certainly not hours or anything - but when I opened my eyes again, I was alone with Edward.
I had to go to the bathroom, so I went next door to our temporary bedroom.
When I opened the door to the hallway, however, I flinched a little. It felt like a slap in the face.
Music could be heard from below. Quiet and muffled. Party music.
I shook my head and quickly moved on.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, Edward was sitting on the edge of the bed, and we looked at each other. I didn't know what to say. Apparently, neither did he. I sat down next to him.
"I don't feel like celebrating," I muttered after a moment.
Edward took my hand in his.
"Do you want to go home?"
"No," I quickly replied, jerkily raising my head in his direction in fright.
"But away from here," Edward stated, running with his fingers along my face.
I nodded.
I just wanted to get away from everything that somehow reminded me of my pregnancy.
Faster than I really saw it, he had his cell phone to his ear. He called a few hotels, but they were all booked up for the holidays. Then I heard the dial tone again, but I didn't understand the female voice that followed.
"Good evening. Do you have a room available for tonight? ... Yes. I know it's short notice ... No matter which ... I don't care what it costs! ... Don't you have another one? ..." he asked sullenly at last.
Questioningly, I tilted my head.
"Only the penthouse is still available ... Our penthouse," he told me.
I shook myself inwardly as I heard the voice through the phone again.
"I was already with you with my wife. In this very room," he explained to the lady. Edward appeared a little annoyed at that. "I am aware that this is your best room ... No, the service was exceptionally good ... Yes, it is a reasonable price for the facilities available ... I have no reason to complain about it in any way," Edward tried to explain calmly, which obviously required a lot of patience from him.
"Just take it," I said offhandedly. It was New Year's Eve. We would be lucky if there was still a room anywhere at all.
We quickly packed up a few things and went downstairs. So far, only David and his family were there. As a glance at the clock told me, it was still a bit early for the actual party. Emma would have made the family jittery for sure, until they had already driven.
Ced lay in his infant carrier and was persistently played with by Emma.
No emotion stirred in me as I saw my baby through the narrow crack of the door.
Edward quickly went to his parents, but then he took my hand, we went to the underground garage and drove away.
The ride passed in silence. We said nothing in the elevator either.
Edward opened the door of the penthouse, and I entered with very mixed feelings.
It still looked the same. Perfect and coherent. One of the most beautiful days with Edward until then had found its highlight right here. But at the same time something had begun here, which now hit me hard in the face.
The view through the floor-to-ceiling windows was hooded as the tears streamed from my eyes.
Edward peeled me out of my thick jacket, gloves, scarf, cap, and boots, picked me up and set me back down on the sofa.
I cried in his arms for some time, and he just held me while I thought about my messed-up life.
I would not have another child. Not a sweet little girl, as I had already imagined. The one I already loved, even though she didn't exist. I grieved for this baby ... Ced had taken a part of my womanhood. It wasn't just the actual organs. No, it was also a part of my feminine sensations. If I could no longer bear a child, was I even a woman anymore? Ced was the one who denied me more children with my angel! He had bitten me ... But yet only to come into the world. It was an instinct. Like the bite on my breast, from which he merely wanted to drink. And hadn't I explained to the kids the morning after that Ced couldn't possibly know what he was causing with that? Even if he had know, he had had no choice. He had earned a chance at life, so he had to free himself from the until then impenetrable amniotic sac. What else could he do? It was my fault! I alone bore the responsibility for the fact that I was now no longer a full-fledged woman. It was my fault that Edward would not have any more children. I had insisted on a natural birth. Not Edward, who considered it too risky from the beginning. Not Carlisle, who had no objection medically. Me! All alone me!
With difficulty, I lifted my head to look at Edward.
He looked tormented. As if he was going through the same agony as I was. As if he were crying and grieving as much as I was. I denied him his biological little daughter. All by myself!
"I'm sorry," I mumbled.
That was all my voice was capable of right now. The guilt-ridden lump in my throat almost took my breath away.
"What are you sorry for, dearest?" he asked, composedly.
Dearest. The word caught me off guard. It was no longer me. I no longer deserved that pet name. I killed a part of Edward.
"That I killed your daughter," I said, and new tears welled up in my eyes.
Edward contorted his face in horror. As if he had only realized the full scope of it at that very moment.
I squinted my eyes as he sat up with me, expecting him to yell at me now.
"Excuse me? ... Bella! No! ... You can't think that! ... You didn't kill anyone! ... Bella! I'm responsible for you not being able to get the girl you wish for from me! I have robbed you of a precious property. The privilege of bearing children ... I ask YOU to forgive me! Although I know that I do not deserve it. It is unforgivable that I have taken this from you," he began so quickly that I almost did not understand everything, and at the end he even knelt in front of me on the floor and held my hands in his.
"Why?" I did not understand. My tears subsided, because I was so confused. "I wanted the natural birth, didn't I? If we had done it your way, maybe Ced wouldn't have had to bite his way to freedom!"
"That's just it!" Edward looked at me with his eyes twinkling angrily. "I should have insisted! I should have convinced Carlisle of my arguments! I should have taken him out myself, if necessary!" he said indignantly, getting louder and louder, and finally standing behind the sofa, facing away from me, as he ruffled his hair. "I shouldn't have ... let it ... gone that far in the first place!" he mumbled incomprehensibly and hid his face in his hands.
My initial confusion was gone.
I was furious! Because Edward once again twisted the facts as it suited him. And the unspoken sentence between the lines made me even angrier.
"What ... exactly ... do ... you ... mean ... by ... that ...?" I asked, emphasizing every single word.
I stood in the meantime. With arms folded in front of my chest. My fingers clawed into my upper arms. My eyes narrowed to small slits. My heart was beating up to my throat from anger. And in my eyes were the tears of anger.
"What he did to you!" stated Edward coldhearted. "It was all far too easy! ... I could have prevented it! ... If I didn't let you drive me out of my mind, if I didn't want to fulfill your every wish unconditionally, I would have noticed the danger in time!" he now raged.
"So now I'm to blame for everything?", I asked, upset. Even as I said it, I realized that something in my original argument was going wrong, but I was too angry to think about it.
"You wanted a baby! But there would have been safer methods for it! We could have gone to David to ask him for a sperm donation! Or anonymously, if you would have preferred! We could have adopted one! So many options, but of course you choose the most dangerous one of all!" he yelled at me.
"You regret that our common son is in the world?!" I screeched hysterically and threw a vase at Edward, which I had angrily taken from the table.
Of course, he caught it before it could hit him or break on anything.
"Are you crazy?" he asked me, snarling.
I wasn't sure what exactly that was a response to. To my question or to my throwing projectile.
"Tell me that you would have preferred to kill our little miracle!" I therefore scolded again.
Edward trembled and looked at me aghast. He opened his mouth, but I didn't hear a word. He fell to his knees as if he had been beaten hard and just looked at me, stunned.
His lethargic manner, however, didn't bring my turmoil to a standstill. Rather the opposite.
I looked for a new throwing projectile to give appropriate expression to my indignation.
"Tell me that you'd love to undo our night together - on exactly that thing over there!", I added as I reached out with my arm to throw a crystal bowl in the direction of the winter garden.
"Never, Bella!", Edward looked me piercingly in the eyes.
I didn't get a chance to throw. There was already an ice-cold hand firmly on my wrist.
"I don't regret one millisecond of my life with you! Not one decision would I change! ... I want you!" he growled at me.
He really growled. But it didn't seem threatening. More possessive. Greedy.
My breath caught.
Did I ever mention how stunningly beautiful this man looked angry? Eyes that glowed with fervor. Sweet breath that intoxicated me. The countenance of a perfect Michelangelo angel. The muscles that came to light on his free forearms and reared up under his shirt. The hands that rested urgently on me. One on my wrist. One at my waist.
I opened my fingers, dropped my throwing projectile, but before the clink of the crystal bowl on the glass table rattled loudly, my lips were on his.
Demanding. Just like his.
He lifted me onto his hips, my arms looped around his neck.
Before I realized it, we were lying on the lounge in the winter garden. My clothes were torn from me, my shoes carelessly thrown aside. I had just opened two buttons on him, when he buried me naked under him.
We fell over each other. There was no other way to call it. Fanatical. Obsessed. Wild. As if we only had this once together and no more time. No thought of the fact that I had brought a child into the world just a week ago. I basically didn't notice any of it. No pain or even a tug or anything. And even if I had, it would have been lost in the frenzy of excitement. The flames of passion blazed hotter and louder than hell ...
I was so wiped out afterwards that stars exploded before my eyes. I chuckled when I tried to poke them with my finger, but they preferred to just keep flickering.
"Bella?" asked an anxious voice.
The face to it also edged directly behind the small asterisks.
"What are you doing?"
He smiled adorably, yet the concern was still impossible to overhear.
"I'm trying to capture the stars," I explained, but slowly the flickering before my eyes subsided.
I therefore took the two shining stars that would remain forever and pulled Edward's lips towards me.
A soulful, loving, and romantic kiss. The opposite of the previous ones ... how much time had passed again way too fast.
"I'm hungry," I stated conclusively, and he chuckled.
I went into the bathroom and Edward ordered me something.
On the way back, I stopped for a moment in the bedroom. Reminiscing, I stroked over the silk sheets and happily let myself fall again onto the lounge in the winter garden.
Edward brought me a glass of fizzy cold Cola. For my sugar balance, as the doctor explained. I wrapped myself a bit in the thin sheet while Edward fired up the fireplace.
"You know what the problem is when we argue?" Edward asked me after I had finished my dinner and was now enjoying the sweet dessert in the form of Edward's playful lips.
Actually, it had become more of a night meal. It was already after half past eleven.
I was lying bedded in many cozy pillows and Edward on top of me, supporting himself with his elbows to the right and left of me. We looked at each other, stroked each other's faces, kissed each other gently again and again, or played with each other's hair.
I shook my head at his question.
"We shouldn't. We're too happy for that," he smiled enthusiastically and kissed me on the forehead.
I enjoyed his cool lips on my skin with my eyes closed, however, it brought back to my mind the reason why we had come here in the first place.
"You wanted to kill Ced!" I whispered as I became aware in content of our argument again.
My heart skipped a beat and I felt myself turning pale. I would have immediately become angry again and wanted to free myself from under him, but he would not let me leave.
"Please let me explain, Bella!" he whispered pleadingly.
I just nodded.
What choice did I have if he wouldn't let me escape?
He let his head hang and took a deep breath.
"I said things earlier that I didn't mean. I really didn't. I'm sorry, Bella, that maybe I hadn't expressed myself clearly ..." he said, raising his eyes to me again. "One gets carried away easily into questioning decisions in retrospect. That's what I did earlier. Because I was angry ... You wanted to give me one more girl, and I was already overly obsessed with that thought. That it won't happen that way hit me deeply ... Just like you."
I nodded again, unable to say anything.
The little girl in front of my mind's eye disappeared in thick impenetrable fog.
Edward kissed away a lone tear before continuing to speak softly.
"In my anger, I blamed Ced until I realized that I alone have the responsibility for this. Earlier, when you thought I was blaming you, I meant that I was incapable of denying you a wish. You wanted to have Ced in a natural way, but I did not sufficiently look for possible dangers. So I gave in to your wish, even though I had fundamental misgivings. I trusted in Carlisle, who himself did not consider that something like now could have happened. But if you look at your pregnancy objectively, we really should have delivered Ced surgically at the first signs, regardless of your wishes. After all, you were carrying the most dangerous predator in the world inside you, and until the birth, everything was actually going far too easily ... In no way did I mean that we should have terminated the pregnancy at any point, dearest ... Our baby enchanted me, my heart. Even at the time when I mistakenly thought David was the father. I could never have forcibly ended that little innocent pulsation!"
"But you said you shouldn't have let it get to that point in the first place," I inquired. That sounded like he should have ripped Ced out of my belly.
He kissed me on the tip of my nose and smiled.
"Yes, I said ... We should have talked about kids beforehand. Seriously. Without you breaking down in David's kitchen because of some unfounded fear. Since you were nowhere near too old to become a mother again, I should have offered you options in that regard. As I listed earlier. David himself, for example," Edward explained.
"But I didn't want a baby anymore," I interjected.
"That's what you said at the time. I don't think you knowingly lied to me. Rather, I think it's possible that you were deceiving yourself. Like a protective shield with which you forbade yourself this thought, because we both thought you couldn't conceive a child from me. But if we had talked about it openly and honestly - with different possibilities - you might have dropped this protective shield. Then maybe you would be pregnant now. Without having to hide it. Without having to keep it from your friends. We would have been enjoying for nine months having a human baby together," he said, placing a hand tenderly on my belly.
My hanging belly. If I felt anything but handsome and attractive with it, Edward didn't seem to be the least bit uncomfortable. But I thought over his words.
"The reasons I told you then were all of a sudden meaningless when I realized the positive pregnancy test. Maybe you're right about that," I reflected. Maybe it was really self-protection that I had always thought that babies were too exhausting for me and that I didn't feel like all that stress anymore.
We looked at each other in silence for a moment when I saw something flicker in the corner of my eye.
It was midnight. Fireworks.
We smiled as we stood at the window front and watched the many colorful cheerful lights.
"I didn't quite tell the truth this afternoon," Edward stated smirking after a short while.
I turned to him and narrowed my eyes suspiciously.
What had my usually so sincere angel lied about?
"I said, 'You make me the happiest being that ever was and ever will be in this universe.' But that's not quite correct," he said.
"Yes. You said that," I confirmed skeptically.
He took my face tenderly in his hands.
"But I won't be," he countered.
I did not move.
Not yet. I waited for the rest. His smirk made it too obvious that that wasn't all and there would be more to come behind.
"I already am! ... I don't regret anything in my life, not a single decision I've made, because they all guided me here!" Edward added meaningfully, coming closer to my lips.
But I backed away.
"You ditched me!" I remarked.
He chuckled.
"Exactly nineteen years, three months and fifteen days ago! And I would do it again if I knew what I have for it today. A fantastic, beautiful woman by my side, who is engaged to me three times over. Five great kids. Three of my own and two children-in-law that I love almost as much. That was worth waiting for ... They will give us grandchildren and according to Jake's preliminary plans, there will be quite a few. Leah is also already dreaming of a pair of twins of her own. Ced, too, will one day give his heart to someone and make us grandparents, too," Edward continued to ponder, while I lay completely in his arms in the meantime.
"Maybe Ced will pick another boy, though. That makes it not so easy with the grandchildren," I interjected and looked up at my angel.
"As long as he's happy with it, I don't really care who or what he chooses. It would be a major blow to our girls, who are already outnumbered vote-wise, but they're both sassy enough not to act up with the guys!" Edward stated matter-of-factly, but pulled me seductively back against his body. "How could we both not be unspeakably happy? ... We've both just forgotten ... Because we got carried away in a dream, we didn't see the reality in front of our eyes!"
I kissed him for this true statement.
Yes, we were happy together. One child more or less would not determine our whole life. We had received our miracle. What more could I wish for than what I already had. My family!
"Happy New Year, Edward!" I murmured, briefly interrupting our tender kiss. "We shouldn't leave out the positives about my physical condition either," I reflected as we snuggled together on the large lounge and watched the last of the rockets burn up.
He tilted his head questioningly.
"After a normal birth, I probably wouldn't be feeling SO well today," I boldly stated, caressing myself down his torso so that he shook beneath me ...
Sometime later, I lay in the pillows, exhausted and delighted, while he gently kissed over my face, when I remembered something else.
"I probably won't get my period either, will I?" I asked my doctor.
He shook his head in affirmation, smiling audaciously.
No more interruption of our love life!
Swimming for half the day had pulled on my strength. Not to mention two intense love games. So I quickly fell asleep.
But I also woke up relatively early.
Well, early for the New Year's morning.
It was just before eight o'clock when I opened my eyes and saw an angel in front of me.
Today he did not glitter, but he leaned against the windows.
Reproachfully I looked at him.
"Why are you standing there and not lying with me?" I asked disgruntled. I had probably only woken up because it was too warm.
"Good morning, my angel. I ordered your breakfast and I'm waiting for the room waiter," he explained smiling.
"And why are you waiting there and not lying with me?", I rephrased my question a little.
"Because I wouldn't get up if I didn't," he chuckled, kneeling in front of the bed and finally giving me my well-deserved 'good morning' kiss.
"I'd like to drive home. To our children," I confessed, however, amid the funny little banter of our lips.
"Me too, dearest. That's why I've already ordered breakfast. So that we'll be home when they wake up," he also admitted.
I smiled, but I still had something on my heart.
"Edward. Do you mind if we postpone our date tonight?" I murmured carefully, looking at the white sheets and biting my lower lip.
"You don't want to miss our children today for a second longer than you have to," Edward stated gently.
I nodded and received a kiss on the forehead.
He said nothing, so I raised my head again. He looked at me without making a face, but with a very clear hint of mischief in his eyes.
"But no. That's already okay ... Actually, I just wanted to lay you, but we've already handled that," he said with a throwing away hand gesture and a rather impertinent tone of voice.
I threw my pillow in his face.
"Your handling with Emmett is cancelled!" I announced imperiously.
"But it's the truth!" he laughed heartily.
"Uh ..." I went. My whole worldview - as far as Edward was concerned - was just starting to falter a bit. You could also call it a threatening disintegration!
He smiled meekly and pushed the pillow back under my head.
"Our first sex was a bit stormy and unforeseen. This time I wanted to change the parameters a bit. I don't know what exactly we would have done tonight, since I couldn't take care of it yesterday, but I wanted to spend a perfect romantic date with you ... But since you regularly buffle my mind ...!" he said.
He gently stroked over my face until, at the last sentence, I had an accusing forefinger in front of my eyes and his voice was reproving.
"Why me?" I rumbled, slapping his finger away in front of my face. "You were holding my wrist and standing so close to me that I lost my composure!"
"But only because your twinkling eyes requested me to do so!" he grumbled back, and gruffly reached for my wrist.
"You've got me ... Wait a moment! Are we arguing about who's driving whom crazy the most?" I dug deeper.
Edward considered for a moment.
"Yes," he then nodded.
"Okay," I said, making a prompting hand gesture for him to continue.
So we argued some more, without being able to agree, until there was a knock at the door. We had breakfast - excuse me, I had breakfast - at the piano. Edward accompanied my chewing with an imposing melody, which he repeated over and over again after playing our newer song.
"Pretty ... From you?", I asked between two bites.
"Yes. The idea came to me last night. After we realized that our life already has everything we could want after all ... Our family hymn?" he asked cautiously. (Yiruma - Maybe)
"I like it. It's so happy!" I commented truthfully. "Since you've given each of our children their own song so far, have you actually come up with something appropriate for Ced?" I then inquired curiously as I poured myself a second cup of coffee.
Immediately the notes from the grand piano changed, but it was only a few bars.
"Yes, so far? Is that all?" I teased my usually so talented and diligent composer.
He smiled sheepishly and pulled me onto his lap.
"Ced is still so young, and I don't want to do anything wrong. Give me a little more time to get to know our son better," he apologized.
"But that little bit sounds right," I replied. It wasn't necessarily cheerful and bouncy, what those few notes gave, but it already seemed as if it was just the beginning of something great.
We quickly went to shower and left - today only with a small wistful smile around the mouth - the penthouse.
These rooms were made for us, a very small piece of home, but much more beautiful things awaited us at home. And we wanted to get back there very quickly.
At the reception, however, we still had to indicate the broken glass table, whereupon the manager first wanted to inspect the damage. The amount of the damage in terms of value had to be clarified.
Edward wordlessly handed him his credit card.
It only took two seconds before the man wished us a Happy New Year and a pleasant journey home after all. And we should come back, of course.
On the way to the Cullen estate - I still was not able to get it straight in my head with the name 'Stone' - I snuggled up to my angel again, as good as I could.
Like at Thanksgiving.
There was a downright cloudburst and it thundered and flashed irregularly, but for me the sun shone everywhere today.
I found the weather very sad. The beautiful snow melted away. But it would not be the last snow of this winter.
As expected, our older children were all asleep when we finally entered the property around ten.
Only Ced was awake and helping actively in the process, as Esmé slowly prepared breakfast for our predators. He lay in his infant carrier on the kitchen counter and squished a piece of banana with abandon.
All the other vampires had been making themselves scarce for a few days now, but I knew what that was about and forbade myself to muse about it.
I would only get a guilty conscience.
By the way, Carlisle was also sitting in the kitchen - at a safe distance from our son.
We literally rushed towards our son, and he kicked so enthusiastically with his arms and legs when he saw us that we had to hold the cradle so that it didn't slip over the edge. We kissed our angel and caressed him while he held our fingers as tightly as he could.
"Looks like everything is just fine with you guys!" stated Carlisle behind Ced.
Edward and I looked at each other, smiling, before our gaze went to him together.
"Our life is perfect!" I summarized.
"Exactly as it is!" added Edward.
Carlisle nodded extremely pleased.
Also, we had just missed the Mitchell family. Since no one knew when we would be back here and the twins would certainly still sleep a little, they had already had breakfast and had gone home about ten minutes ago.
We freed our little angel from the seat belts and went with him into the living room. We cuddled him, hugged him, and just couldn't let him go.
Something he never seemed to want again. He asked through his gift why we had left him alone for so long, but the joy of having us back overrode everything.
Finally, we sat with him on the floor and played with him. Alice's grasping toy from Christmas with the different surfaces had become boring. Now our angel preferred to devote himself to colors and shapes. He also uttered a few different sounds and turned from his belly to his back on his own. This was still a bit awkward, but we were just really proud parents and rewarded our baby with tenderness and praising words.
Until Jake entered the living room.
With a glance we checked if we could leave our treasure unattended for a moment.
I reached for my cup and set it down on the table, but by then Edward was already helping me up from the floor.
Jake made a strange face as we walked toward him.
Bad-tempered was the wrong term. I also felt a little bit of guilt for it. We had driven away without saying anything and we were not here as arranged when one had picked them up from the party. Edward had actually wanted to pick them up. But that alone certainly couldn't spoil my son's mood. Had something happened at the party, I wondered?
Before we reached Jake to give him a proper hug, wish him a Happy New Year, and most importantly, show him how much we loved him and wouldn't forget him next to the baby, I turned around for good measure again.
"Edward!" I almost screamed.
From delight.
Ced was no longer lying on the play blanket next to the living room table. He crawled hurriedly behind us.
When I noticed it, he paused.
And he looked at me with a charming wry smile that looked very familiar to me. It didn't look clumsy at all, but he had already covered quite a distance in those few seconds, considering the physical dimensions of the infant.
In disbelief, I walked up to him. I laughed tears of joy.
Edward was also beside himself. He picked up our boy, twirled him through the air and couldn't stop being proud and entranced.
Like me.
Esmé and Carlisle also came out of the kitchen due to our unmistakable enthusiasm.
Our baby crawled! On his seventh day of life!
Edward laid him back on the floor.
Excited to see what would happen. Curious to see his first crawling movements complete. We didn't want to miss a split second of it.
I quickly wiped away my tears so I wouldn't miss anything.
Ced twisted his mouth in disfavor.
We chuckled about it.
He had just been crawling so lively, but now he was lying on his back again. That meant first of all work to get back into a better position, which he didn't like at all. But he managed it again. He nimbly turned onto his belly and raised his head questioningly in turn to his parents.
We encouraged him, extended our hands to him and he crawled. As if he had been crawling for days and had practiced it extensively. He crawled to me, to his daddy, to Esmé - we followed him on all fours. Only around Carlisle did he give a wide berth.
As Leah and Marcus walked in, Ced changed direction and headed the long way to his sister. She enthusiastically picked up her little brother and praised him as much as we did, before we ourselves greeted our daughter appropriately.
I hugged my big girl to me and wished her all the best for the new year. Also Marcus I hugged very warmly, which he returned likewise.
Edward did the same and we apologized for just driving off yesterday without saying anything and being unavailable.
Concerned, the two asked if anything had happened yesterday.
We had agreed that we would tell our children about yesterday, as we were sure they would ask about it. How a part of our world had collapsed when the little girl in our thoughts became unreachable. But that we had only forgotten how happy we already were. With the five children we had. But we wanted to tell everyone together, which inevitably led me to a question.
"So where's Jake?" I therefore asked, looking around.
I also went to the kitchen, where I expected to catch him snacking on breakfast. After all, he had already been here.
"He's gone!" came Becky through the standing-open door.
She looked confused. As if she were still trying to grasp something. The sight of her frightened me.
Thank you for reading!