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Chapter 162

Edward

"He's gone!" came Becky through the open door as Bella asked where Jake was.

I did not hear his thoughts anywhere.

Becky looked the worse for wear and had shed a few tears, though she hadn't really cried either.

Immediately focusing on her thoughts, I walked up to her and hugged her.

This is not how I wanted to see any of my princesses.

Her thoughts confused me at first.

They were so disjointed.

How they were woken up by thunder. How they had sex in a for me unknown bathroom. How Jake cried. What are big brothers for? A playful kiss in the morning. How they danced last night. 'NOW he has a son! One! That's all he wants. That's all he needs,' I then heard a very clear phrase from Jake in her thoughts and I was startled by the seriousness with which he said it. It was not an assumption he had angrily uttered. It was rather a deep inner conviction that made him say that.

"No!" I muttered helplessly. This ... couldn't be. How could Jake believe that? I had to talk to him. Tell him it wasn't true. Tell him how much I loved him. But he wasn't in the house anymore. My eyes burned at the realization that I had failed as a father and had sorely disappointed my son as a result.

"Edward?" Bella stood next to me.

Desperation was in her gaze.

"Don't be afraid, my angel. Jake is a big boy, and he will come back to you," I meant and gently ran my fingertips over her cheek.

"To us. To his family," she wanted to improve me.

"No, my heart. To you and to your family ... He has excluded me," I mumbled. These words seemed so surreal and yet each letter was a stab of dagger in my cold heart.

I felt a little dizzy.

"Edward!" I heard in several voices and cold, warm, and hot hands were on me.

I actually swayed a little bit, but I was still standing. I put a hand to my head, massaged my forehead and sorted out my thoughts and sensations.

Jake was a part of me, even if it wasn't a biological one. The fact that he denied me shook me to my core.

I had to sit down.

Becky told in more detail what had happened earlier.

How Jake rumbled through the door with tears streaming down his face and just wanted to run away. Leah complemented Jake's apparent view with the little they had shared as wolves. That he had apparently been thinking such thoughts for several days, but she hadn't realized how serious his musings were.

My son felt betrayed by me. And I was guilty on every single count of the charge!

No one shared this view with me - my parents, my fiancée, my children.

But I saw it differently.

Just the fact that I hadn't heard those troubled thoughts when Jake returned to his room in such a hurry that I hadn't noticed him leave the house was proof to me of my personal defeat.

Esmé put on a placid face and told the children to eat their breakfast first. Jake would show up, bright-eyed and in a good mood, once he'd had a chance to settle down.

So Bella and I were left alone in the living room after Carlisle pulled the door to the kitchen shut behind him. They had also taken Ced with them.

I leaned back against the high back of the sofa and Bella stood between my legs.

We hugged each other long and tight, as if we needed to hold on to each other.

"What kind of mother am I!" questioned Bella, mumbling. "I should have noticed how Jake was doing," she continued to mumble.

I pressed her even tighter against me.

"You didn't do anything wrong, my heart. He is only angry at me, not at you," I tried to comfort my angel.

I pondered what I should do. Since Jake wouldn't be getting dressed yet, if he planned to leave as a wolf, he would have taken one of the cars. But to follow Jake, he had already been gone too long. Becky had showered and dressed first before joining us. With the quiet hope that Jake would be back. But he wasn't.

I called my siblings to ask if they had seen Jake.

They were on the grounds, but were busy. No one had seen Jake since yesterday.

Then I called David, although I didn't assume Jake was on his way to our house.

"Edward. What was going on with you two yesterday? Are you two okay? Is everything all right? Do you need help with anything?" he immediately asked frantically.

Bella had overheard and rolled her eyes amusedly, even if it was only a relatively faint joy.

The concern for Jake prevailed, but David's anxious answering of the call had been predictable.

"David, take it easy," I reassured him at first. "Bella and I just needed a little break from everything. Carlisle gave us news yesterday that we weren't prepared for," I then began to explain briefly, not wanting to elaborate.

"What kind news?" asked David, however, between them.

David was the best friend we both had. We would have told him anyway if the opportunity arose, and without a decent answer he would not rest.

"Bella won't be able to have any more children," I therefore replied.

"I'm very sorry about that ... How are you two doing with that?" I heard after a small moment in which he probably realized the implications of this.

"It threw us off a bit ... After Carlisle examined Bella in the morning, everything looked excellent, so we were already talking about having a little daughter. And if it was going to be a boy again, we wanted to keep trying. Until there is tie again among our children ..." I said and had to smile at the memory of how Bella had said that. With a naughty look that was so loving at the same time. She had been serious about it, and I rejoiced at the thought of a whole crowd of children. "... Then when we saw the final results late that afternoon, it was ... devastating. We had imagined it so beautifully, really worked ourselves up into this shiny prospect, but then all our dreams lay in ashes. We just wanted to leave," I explained, but Bella smiled in front of me.

The debris of this imagination no longer touched her. Just as little as it did me. This topic was ticked off for Bella and me, as one said so aptly. In terms of content as well as emotionally.

We would no longer have another child together, which was of course a great pity. I had imagined it so great. To accompany Bella through the delivery again and to experience this deep feeling of connection once more. This feeling had not gone out in the last few days, but it had diminished somewhat in intensity. Only when Ced bestowed his gift upon us was this feeling as strong as it was during childbirth. I wanted to welcome a new life into this world again, for whose very existence the love between Bella and me was responsible. A cute little girl that I wanted to cradle in my arms. With chocolate-colored eyes. But I already had this girl, as I realized again much too late. Well, she was no longer small and cute, but even a few centimeters taller and officially four months older than me. Actually, she was pretty cute after all. Likewise, I had a girl with two beautiful blue sapphires for eyes. And I loved these girls. Plus three great boys and a wonderful wife. I had everything I needed to be happy!

"But then something occurred to us. Something we had forgotten because of all the wishful thinking ... We are happy parents of five children! One more magnificent than the other! One more or less doesn't matter. I have more children than I ever dreamed possible. Ced is the little miracle that completes our children's generation. But we will definitely have many grandchildren," I said with conviction and Bella smiled in front of me and nodded in affirmation.

"That's the right attitude!" remarked David.

"Which is actually what I'm calling about, though: Have you seen Jake?" I finally asked.

"No? Should I? I had assumed that he would be with you. Still in bed sleeping, no doubt," David said, confused.

"No. He ... he left in a huff," I explained the reason for my call in more detail, and I had to elaborate on those circumstances as well.

Since I had no clue where to look for Jake, it became quite an extended conversation to which Bella also contributed quite a bit.

"He's jealous," David summarized afterwards. "But please, Edward, don't beat yourself up about it. You, of all people, have reason enough to be beside yourself with joy about Ced. After all, you've assumed all your life that you could never be a father. And now you have a baby who is just a week old. It's a completely new situation for you. Jake didn't have a problem with you taking Marcus to your heart or Emma, but suddenly having a baby in the family is a whole new experience for him, too. You're going to have to learn to deal with it together as a family."

"He's got a point!" suddenly Leah stood with us, agreeing with the voice on the phone.

I ended the phone call and David promised to keep an eye out in case something happened at our house and that he would get back to me then.

"Leah, I'm sorry for neglecting you two!" I begged her forgiveness for my carelessness, but she smiled lightheartedly.

"Don't be. I made myself promise to be very lenient with you because I knew even on Christmas morning how overly happy you were about Ced. And you have every right to be! ... We are already grown up and do not necessarily rely on you as parents. But Ced needs you. Besides, I just think that the vacations do not have a favorable effect on our actual family life ... Look at the breakfast alone. When we have school, we eat breakfast together every morning. Regardless of what happened the night before or what our daily plans are. It is a fixed ritual. But now it's vacation time. You want to let us sleep in after we've been gone a long time. We have plans, you have plans. We just don't meet at fixed times anymore," my daughter explained, looking much more mature than I usually knew her to be.

Why did they all grow up so fast?

"Yet I have neglected you, even if you will forgive me. I didn't even know that Jake made observations in this direction. I should have noticed," I opined, however.

"No, Dad ... You always say that you don't listen to us all the time. That you always try to protect our private lives and therefore our thoughts, even when you're there. Then it would have been up to Jake to say something if he didn't like something," Leah made increasingly indignant clear, which made me chuckle as she stomped with one foot at the last part.

All that was missing was for her to put her fists to her sides.

She noticed of her own accord that she was probably getting a little too excited. She was a little ashamed of it, came up to me and hugged me warmly.

"I am fond of you, Dad!"

"I like you too, little one!" I replied. "Jake will probably see it very differently right now," I admitted dejectedly as she broke away from me.

"Oh no, Dad. He loves you! ... If it were different, he wouldn't be so angry," Leah said and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

With that, she gave me some courage. Maybe I hadn't lost my son after all, but to find out, I would first have to know where he was.

Leah phased to perhaps be able to track him down as a wolf. But her brother wasn't a wolf right now, so she didn't sense him. She also asked with some of her friends if Jake had contacted them, but no one knew anything.

I tried his cell phone periodically, but the phone stayed off.

I was getting increasingly nervous, and I got a really bad feeling as we all sat together in the living room in an oppressive silence, guarding our phones.

My angel also became anxious.

Even Ced noticed that something was wrong. The funny noises he was making sounded anything but exhilarated. He kept asking through his gift where Jake was, but we had no answer for him.

Leah tried regularly through their wolfish connection, but to no avail.

Where was I supposed to start looking if he wasn't at home or with his friends?

There was nothing we could do but hope for a sign of life.

In the afternoon Ced lay in his cradle between us and slept. He sometimes twitched when it thundered particularly loudly outside from the thunderstorm.

The weather matched our mood, and I watched the fast dark clouds and the lightning, buried in thought.

Jake, my son. Where are you?

Esmé came with hot cocoa and cookies.

It could have been a cozy day with my family, who just didn't care about the weather - with a fireplace, background music. Maybe we would have played cards while the kids finally told us about their party and skiing.

Instead, we just sat there gloomily worrying. The fear that Jake would do something rash tugged at each of us.

While Bella leaned over to distribute the cups with Esmé, I saw her cell phone light up soundlessly. I took it. I actually wanted to hand it to her, but I let it disappear in my sleeve in a flash.

I had recognized the number.

I excused myself and quickly left the room. It wasn't until three rooms down that I took the call.

"Good afternoon, Sir. My name is Officer Hendriks with the Sanford Police Department. I'd like to speak to Isabella Marie Black, please," said a male voice.

I knew the number because I had picked it out for David once. Daniel had slipped while skateboarding and crashed into a parked car. Only a small scratch - both on the car and on Daniel - but the owner had first filed a criminal complaint for property damage as a precaution, until it was clarified that someone would also pay for the 'immense' damage.

But now having the police on the phone, who also wanted to speak to Bella, sent a boiling hot shiver down my spine.

"I'm sorry, she's not available right now. Can I help you in any way? I'm engaged to Mrs. Black," I inquired, having to force myself to speak. Everything hurt me because of the fear, which is why the police might call. And depending on what he had to say, I wanted to tell Bella myself.

The officer, however, said nothing.

"Is it about Jake? We're terribly worried about him!" I continued to speak without downplaying my true concern even a little.

The man hummed and hawed, apparently considering whether he was allowed to give me information.

"Please, officer. What about my son? Is he okay?" I asked desperately and pleadingly.

A giving up gasp could be heard.

"All right ... Jacob Black had a car accident," he began to say.

"WHAT?" I asked, panicked.

My legs gave way, and I sank to the floor with my knees.

"Sir, please. He's fine. He's sitting in our cell and - it looks like - he doesn't have a scratch on him. I don't know how that's possible, the way the car looked ... He must have one hell of a guardian angel," the man said.

"Thank God!" I groaned in relief, sending hymns of thanks to heaven. To Jake's guardian angel. "But why is he in a cell with you?" I then asked, as the word 'cell' slipped into my consciousness after my inner jubilant release.

"Well, right now we're assuming that he stole the car that we found him unconscious in ... It was a Maserati. Until that's cleared up, he's under urgent suspicion."

"But what if the opposite is proven? If no charges are filed? ..." I asked vaguely.

"Then only the fine for the traffic offense as such needs to be paid and the young man can leave unimpeded."

I indicated that someone was coming.

I hurriedly ran to Jake's room and packed some things for him in a backpack.

If he had such a serious accident, who knows what he and his clothes looked like then. Perhaps he had also phased during this time and thus completely shredded his clothes.

Then I quickly went back to the living room.

Bella immediately stood up when I entered the room. Confused, she picked up her cell phone.

"Jake is fine!" I said immediately, after which everyone approached me.

"Then he called?" asked Bella a little more confused.

Of course she was. She had been guarding her cell phone the whole time, hoping Jake would call. But I had taken it away from her without telling her that a call was coming. And if Jake had called after all, why should I withhold this from her.

"No. It was someone else. I took the phone from you when it soundlessly announced a call so I would know what was going on first. In case it had been a bad message. But he's fine and I know where he is. I'm driving off right now to pick him up."

"I want to come!" said Bella and Becky at the same time.

I smiled.

I had expected that. The mother, who would only be completely reassured when he stood before her healthy. And the girlfriend who no longer understood her boyfriend.

I put a hand to both of their cheeks.

"Please let me drive alone ... I have three sons ..." I began to say, with Marcus looking against me emotionally. That's how it was. That's how I felt about it. And he felt the same way, after his own father had been nothing but a disappointment to him. "... and I hurt one of them. I need to talk to Jake. Apologize to him. I'd like to do that alone, please. In private."

They both nodded and Bella silently took me in her arms again.

I grabbed a jacket from the coat rack, ran on into the garage, stopped briefly at the cabinet with the keys and car papers, and was immediately sitting in the Jaguar.

I raced along the narrow streets and didn't give the speed signs a second glance. Only in the smaller towns did I slow down a bit, but after the last building I stepped on the gas again. So I reached Sanford after just eleven minutes.

A cozy little town. Much larger than Forks, but smaller than Saco.

In the background of the city I saw Daniel's boarding school on a hill and even drove past his grandparents' house.

After three more minutes I was standing in front of the police station.

In the no-stopping zone, but who cared about such trivialities?

I hurried up the steps and found myself in a completely overstaffed precinct. The two officers present looked anything but busy.

Today was New Year, I immediately remembered. Holiday.

"Happy New Year," one jumped right up, seemingly happy to get something to do.

"Good day. My father sent me. He got a call from an Officer Henderson or something. It's about Jacob Black," I said immediately. I was obviously a teenager. These were allowed to forget names at times.

The middle-aged guy looked confused.

"Um ... Hendriks ..." he corrected me, but thought about what that should tell him now, while he pretended to look for the corresponding report under the counter.

In truth, he was just leafing through some papers without knowing what he was looking for. I heard that he had only started his service a few minutes ago.

"The wrecked Maserati!" he immediately got help from his young colleague in the background, with whom he had actually been playing cards.

"Ah yes ... and what have you to do with it, my boy?" he asked awkwardly.

That had already been reported to him. It had been the only interesting thing today.

"My father will marry Jake's mother shortly ... and the Maserati is mine," I put the car papers on the counter.

"I'm sorry about the beautiful car," professed the third colleague in the background, who had just come out of an aisle.

It was Hendriks. I recognized his voice.

He came straight to the counter, looked at the papers and checked the chassis number of the accident car in the system. Meanwhile, his colleague explained to him who I was in the first place.

"I'm guessing you don't want to file carjacking charges against your soon-to-be stepbrother," he then stated.

He smiled.

"No way!" I clarified and smiled as well.

"Then the only thing left is the fine in the amount of ...," he started to say, as I was already putting a credit card on the counter. It wasn't the black one. I had others that looked at least a little less like a downright outrageously rich family.

He casually mentioned the amount - $650, he figured I wouldn't care about the exact amount - while he prepared the EC machine.

"I brought something for Jake to wear. My dad said he had an accident? So we weren't sure what his clothes would look like after that," I said as I was kindly asked to wait.

Hendriks accepted the backpack and went to the back of the building.

I followed him mentally.

Behind a thick steel-reinforced door lay the detention cells. Thick bars, tiled walls, a somber atmosphere. Some inmates were currently housed there. For sobering up or rioters who New Year's Eve had not been kind to. And in the middle of it all, my son was sitting on the floor. Naked. A blanket wrapped around him, his legs bent, his arms folded on them, and his head laid over them.

"Jacob Black," Hendriks said clearly, with all the authority of an officer.

Jake winced and raised his head.

I squinted my eyes.

Seeing him like this shook me. His eyes red and swollen. His look humiliated, but otherwise emotionless. The bitterness was written all over his face.

"You can go now, Jacob," Hendriks now said meekly.

Jake rose in silence, but with unaccustomed difficulty. He contorted his face. He had to be in pain. I hadn't thought about bringing him his pain shots. They left the cell wing, but Hendriks stopped not far behind the heavy door. Hendriks handed him the backpack, which Jake immediately recognized as his own. He was amazed.

"One brought you some clothes just in case. If you want, you can also take a shower in there. You'll find towels on the shelf by the wall," Hendriks said.

Jake looked down at himself contritely. He was naked under the scratchy blanket, had no shoes left, and reeked of gasoline and blood. I mentally added 'wet dog' - which I had smelled as soon as I entered the building. The smell of my children, however, had never struck me as pleasant as it did at that very moment. So Jake walked into the officers' washroom and wondered why he was being treated so ... nicely.

I did too.

Tentatively, Jake peered into his backpack. Blue jeans, the T-shirt from the Hard Rock Café in New York from Becky, a comfortable sweater, underwear and his beloved worn out light blue Chucks. He was also pleased to find his toothbrush in his backpack. He had a totally disgusting taste in his mouth, so he was very grateful for it. Would he still be, if he knew that I of all people had brought it with me? Because he assumed that most likely Carlisle would be here.

While Jake freshened up, Hendriks' thoughts gave me insight as to why he was so overly friendly to Jake.

He had once had a son. If he were still alive, he would have been about Jake's age, and he had also been of Native American descent. His wife belonged to the Passamaquoddy people of the Canadian province of New Brunswick. It was a car accident that had taken his son from him.

It was Hendriks himself who had found Jake outside the town. A farmer had had a little problem with drunken youths tonight and Hendriks wanted to check on things today. On the way back to town, he had seen the broken road border. He had immediately run toward the crashed car, while at the same time calling for firefighters and ambulances through dispatch. The dark gray car had tumbled down the slope for almost half a mile. A single pile of scrap metal, with neither make nor model immediately recognizable. It could have been a cabriolet, or it could have been an SUV. And between the wreckage lay Jake.

Just as Hendriks had done on the spot, I now involuntarily gasped for air.

My son was unconscious, his clothes only hanging on him in tatters, blood stuck to his skin, his limbs unhealthily twisted. Lifeless!

"Are you all right?" the young policewoman asked me, snapping me out of Hendrik's thoughts with that and handing me a cup of water.

I coughed and pretended to drink as if I just had a dry throat. She left again and I continued to follow Hendrik's memories.

He pulled Jake out of the wreckage, who continued not to stir. Pulse and respiration were normal, even surprisingly strong and regular for a human being who had just been involved in an apparently serious accident. Hendriks then went back to the car and examined it from all sides. Other occupants, valuables, clues as to how the accident happened. He hurried but still tried to be careful while taking photos with his cell phone for the report later, before the car would possibly burst into flames. The smell of gasoline was in the air, various liquids were dripping from every corner, and there was smoke in the engine compartment. Only now did he realize from the remains of the front end that it had once been a Maserati. He quickly went back to Jake, again checked the vital signs, spoke to him to wake him up, but Jake remained unconscious. He flipped open the wallet he had found. A picture of Becky was the first thing he saw. For just a second, his gaze lingered on her, and he sighed as he did so.

'You don't want to give this pretty girl any grief!' he accused Jake, until he finally found his name on his ID and addressed him accordingly.

The ambulance and fire department announced themselves with sirens and quickly approached, which relieved Hendriks. He quickly made room for the paramedics, who naturally checked Jakes vital signs first. They looked surprised. When they looked for specific injuries from which the blood should have come, they looked even more surprised. The young man did not appear to be injured anywhere, but had a high fever. The only plausible explanation they found on the scene: A nosebleed. If Jake had been thrown through the interior of the car, this could have spread blood all over his body. But they would definitely have the doctors at the hospital examine that more closely.

As they were about to inject Jake with a syringe, Jake suddenly snapped his eyes open, slapped at any hands he could reach, and jumped to his feet. Wildly flailing his arms, he apparently only realized after a few moments that the people were rescue workers and he calmed down, running his fingers through his long hair in an agitated manner. He refused further examinations or treatments by the paramedics and emphasized several times that he was neither drunk nor under drugs. As a result, the handcuffs were very quickly around his joints, and he was taken away by Hendriks. Hendriks felt vaguely transported back to his role as a father, even though he knew full well that he had nothing to do with this boy.

The memory ended when the door was tentatively opened from the inside.

"Thanks," Jake said to Hendriks as he stepped out of the shower room not ten minutes later.

He had folded the blanket makeshift and handed it to the friendly officer. Jake doubted that anyone here was invited to shower so easily. Setting the blanket aside, Hendriks pushed Jake down the hallway with one hand on his shoulder.

"We still have your wallet, a set of keys and your cell phone right here ahead. However, I don't think the cell phone still works. You need to sign that you got everything back from us. Then you're free to go, Jacob," he explained in an even-tempered tone of voice.

Jake wondered why they let him go so easily now. When they had brought him here earlier, they had treated him like a felon. But he said nothing. He was just glad it was so. He signed the sheet, packed his belongings into his backpack, and walked through the door after Hendriks paternally urged him to drive more carefully in the future. His guardian angel certainly wouldn't have that much patience every time.

I stood opposing the door and when our eyes met, he stopped instantly.

His gaze, which had become gentle in the meantime, hardened immediately.

The reason why he had run away so hastily was again crystal clear in his mind. He believed he no longer had a father. Since this one now had a real biological son, Jake would have become superfluous.

"Your father was terribly worried about you," I said.

"Why should he?" retorted Jake snottily, adding in his mind that he didn't have a father.

He shouldered his backpack and was about to walk past me toward the exit.

His answer was like a slap in the face, but I didn't admit defeat that quickly.

I stopped him when he was right next to me. With one hand that I braced against his strong shoulder.

"Because you are very important to him, and he loves you from the bottom of his soul! You are his son!" I vowed by all that was sacred to me.

Jake's eyes twitched indecisively, but he held fast to his opinion. He slapped my arm aside and left.

And I, of course, followed behind.

We left the building.

"Jake, please! Come along and let's ..." I began on the sidewalk, but that was as far as I got.

"... talk?" he interrupted me, turning to me filled with rage. "What do you want to talk to me about? Are you going to tell me that you have a son now? That I've become superfluous? That all this time you've only settled for me because you had nothing better? Because I was just Mom's annoying appendage? ... That you ... replaced ... me? ... With Ced? ... With your ... real ... son."

He had started loudly and angrily, but in a strangled shaky voice had ended only muttering. He had turned away from me.

He would not let me see his tears. He was already too big to cry. They were not tears of anger, as he assumed. Like back in the hospital - when Becky was raped - he was wrong again with the assumption that he had inherited this characteristic of crying out of anger from Bella. He did not possess this quality. He shed tears because he was just sad. Sad to have lost his father. Jake was much more sensitive than Leah or Bella about his feelings. However, I realized that Leah was right. If he didn't care about me, he wouldn't react so heartbreakingly to his false assumption.

I stepped closer to him.

"I won't deny that I've misbehaved with you over the past few days. I've been wrong with Leah, too. I've been remiss. I haven't given you the attention you both deserve. Took you guys for granted. Didn't take care of you personally like I usually did. More than that. I apologized to Leah for snubbing her on Sunday evening when I didn't accommodate her request. But I didn't think about the fact that it might have been just as much of a blow to you ... It's unforgivable that I didn't show my children how much they mean to me and how grateful I am that I have them. That I have you ... I am heartily sorry for making you feel like I have replaced you. You are my son, Jake, and I love you! Nothing and no one will ever change that," I explained meekly and calmly.

Jake meanwhile looked at me, but was not sufficiently convinced by my words.

I wasn't sure what else I could have said to express how I felt. But I had an idea what could lift Jake's spirits not insignificantly.

So I opened the passenger door of the Jaguar for him.

Debating with himself in his mind whether he should just get in now, he finally climbed in after all. Where else was he supposed to go in the pouring rain? In Sanford? Twenty-two miles away from home? Without a car?

I drove off, but stopped again just three streets away.

Outside a diner.

A brief smile flitted across Jake's lips, which he had been unable to prevent.

We sat down at a table in a corner and Jake studied the menu.

A waitress came over and noted.

"A large coffee, a large Coke, a milkshake-chocolate with cream. Also large. A tuna fish sandwich. Pancakes with syrup. The 'BBQ Burger Special'. Steak with potato wedges. Chicken Wings. A slice of cherry pie and two jelly donuts."

My son had not eaten anything today and had breakfast, lunch, and various snacks to catch up on. After all, it was already afternoon. Incidentally, the waitress assumed that at least two more people would come.

I chuckled.

"Whaaat ...?" he looked at me in whining horror, so I passed on the thoughts of the waitress.

He laughed.

"It's very nice to see you laughing again," I opined seriously.

His laughter quickly died out and he looked down at the tabletop with embarrassment.

He had no intention of believing my words from earlier. He had only forgotten this for a moment. My son was not only sensitive, but also resentful. In this case, I had thoroughly deserved it. I had behaved very unseemly.

"Jake, I ... was serious about what I said earlier. I misbehaved and I'm very sorry. I didn't do it consciously ... I'm not just now having a son, you have been all along. I can't tell you when I started to see in you my son. When exactly this feeling began. When I took you out of the woods unconscious – when Seth, Emily, and Billy were with us - it was already clear. I was afraid for you. Afraid of losing a part of me."

"But that's exactly what I'm not!" countered Jake.

"Not biologically, I agree. Strictly speaking, there's nothing connecting us ... except Bella!"

"That's what I said," he answered, making a little room for the waitress to set down the first load.

The drinks and the dessert, while the cook prepared everything else in the kitchen.

"But wouldn't you say, if you took a hard look at the last three and a half months, that just this little detail of the lack of blood relationship is completely unimportant?" I asked after the lady had left again.

Thoughtfully, Jake turned his attention to the lukewarm coffee, realizing that nothing could beat my coffee. Just one of his many little thoughts and memories he was mulling over. In particular, the circumstances surrounding Becky's rape quickly came to his mind. But also just funny or cozy incidents.

"I was always grateful for you and Leah. That you meet this love with me, even though we were supposed to be enemies. At first you were afraid that I would take Bella away from you and take her into my world. But you accepted me into your family. I have never been happier in my life than with you."

"Now you are!"

"Of course, Jake. Now, in fact, I'm even happier. I've lived for eighty-nine years - ever since Rosalie found Emmett - with the conviction that our kind can't have children. That it's simply impossible. And now I really do have a baby. Together with Bella! This is unbelievable to me ... I have been very upset for the past few months that I did not meet Bella in the Atlanta hospital when you were born. I'm sure I would have ended up staying with her, staying with you, even though it wouldn't have been right. I missed so many things with you. It torments me that I found you so late."

"That's what you have your son for now, with whom you can make up for the time you missed!"

"Yes, that I can. But he's not my only son! You were never superfluous, Jake. I didn't replace you. I didn't settle for you because you were just there. You're as much my son as Ced is. No more, but also no less ... Ced is the only excuse that I have put forward for my misconduct. It overwhelms me that this little boy is actually mine. I'm afraid of missing out on something with him again like I have with you all these years, even though I've been there from the beginning now. He is developing so fast. He is only a week old after all. The fact that he was crawling on his own this morning made me ..." I tried to explain, but Jake just let his cup of coffee clink clumsily onto the saucer.

"He's what?" he asked, stunned.

Puzzled, I looked toward him.

"He was crawling," I said again.

Jake ran his fingers through his hair indecisively.

He mentally repeated each syllable of the word as he tried to imagine it. His little brother, who was only a few days old, even if he no longer looked as delicate and fragile as he had at Christmas. He had already grown a bit and gained a healthy fullness, yet he was an infant who shouldn't be able to move with such coordination and purpose already. He seemed far too small to be able to crawl, which is why Jake was unable to picture it.

"Didn't you see that?" I inquired.

He shook his head, remembering the brief scene this morning when he had entered the living room.

We sat on the floor and played with Ced. He entered the room and we started to walk toward him. When Ced uttered an undefinable sound, Jake had seemingly become incidental, and Bella and I immediately returned to our baby. That was all Jake had noticed.

"We wanted to greet you properly, since we had unfairly departed without a word or a message. But as we walked toward you, Ced crawled after us. And at an impressive pace, considering it took him just four seconds to get from his play blanket to the armchair."

"That was five meters easy!" Jake leaned back against the bench, flabbergasted.

"That's right," I confirmed.

The waitress came with the next tray.

Jake hadn't touched the dessert yet, so he started to pitch into the sandwich. Meanwhile, the rest of the orders arrived.

I took a picture with my phone of the crowded table and sent it home.

Bella would certainly continue to worry otherwise.

Jake, meanwhile, was mulling over all my words.

Whether it wouldn't be understandable if I ticked off a bit about something like that. Wouldn't anyone do that? He could definitely understand why I was afraid of missing out on something when everything was happening so fast with Ced that he was already crawling around. He was probably learning to walk, or more likely swimming, or saying his first word. Without me noticing.

"And yet you are here!" he stated more for himself. I was here, not with my son, because of whom - according to his previous opinion - I had no eyes for anything else.

"That's right," I therefore confirmed again. Yes, I was here. At the risk of not witnessing my youngest child possibly passing another small milestone. But Ced was not more important to me than Jake. So I also continually lived with the fear of missing something from my older son. Maybe it wasn't his first word or his first awkward steps. Such things were irretrievably lost to me with Jake and Leah. Still, I wanted to be a part of their lives and be a part of it myself. Wanted to know what they were experiencing and how they were doing.

Jake mulled over my answer.

For the fact that Bella and I had turned to Ced this morning and forgotten over it, he excused us. At least now. He was amazed that his little brother could already crawl and wanted to see it for himself.

I was a little surprised.

Jake thought very lovingly of Ced, despite his jealousy. He didn't blame his mother either. She was just his mom, who probably only cared about Ced as much as she had once cared about the twins. So he was lenient. It was only me he was accusing, what for his thoughts were trying to start again. Yes, I was here now. But where was I when they wanted to run with me into the forest. When they broke down Monday night with the bus. When he finally expected breakfast with us again the morning after and only found a message. When they wanted to go home from the party, but I couldn't be reached. Were these just coincidences? Misunderstandings?

"I might actually miss something if I'm not there. But Ced is in good hands, and I can't always be with him. Just like I can't be with Bella all the time, or you and Leah. I would love to have all of you around at all times, even if we are just sitting together and not really doing anything ... It was very important to me to pick you up immediately and be there for you. To set the things right between the two of us and to sincerely apologize for my misconduct. To see that you are truly well. Because I don't want to miss anything from you either!" I said emphatically.

Jake just nodded, not knowing what to say to that.

He wanted to believe me, but looked for arguments to the contrary. Without significant success.

He pushed empty plates aside and took the next filled one.

He wondered, chewing and very indecisive, if I could really feel the same way about him as I did about my real son. He emphasized the last two words with slight annoyance.

This designation did not suit me.

Real son. There were no right or wrong children for me!

"As far as my love is concerned, there is no difference for me between Ced and you. You are both equally important to me. It is also neither here nor there to me that I have had a son. I know that many men are especially proud of having fathered a boy. A progenitor who will carry on the line and the name. But that's of no consequence to me."

"No kidding?" he was still a tiny bit doubtful and raised an eyebrow.

"No kidding!" I smirked. Not exactly a choice of words that was in my usual repertoire, which is why Jake smiled, too. "I would have been just as happy to have a little girl."

"Maybe you'll get another one," Jake smiled.

"That's not going to happen," I said seriously, however.

Jake looked at me indecisively.

He was not able to sort out my changed tone of voice. I was no longer dismayed by this fact, but it was still no reason to rejoice that we were denied more children.

"That's the reason we drove away yesterday without a word. Bella and I were kind of running away from our lives. We wanted to run away from everything that had to do with our children … We found out yesterday, after you left for the party, that Bella is no longer able to have any more children," I explained.

Jake choked on his burger and quickly drank his Coke afterward.

But in my mind I heard his question why it was so.

"Ced bit free of the amniotic sac, leaving enough of his venom that the uterus is no longer alive. That's apparently also the reason why Bella recovered so quickly from the delivery."

"I'm sorry about that ...!" he said, truly affected.

"You don't have to be, Jake. While we were very upset by this realization yesterday, which is why we just drove away, we reminded ourselves that we already have five children to call our own ... Every single one of them great!"

He rolled his eyes, because of my - in his opinion much too exaggerated - statement. He continued to eat and thought everything over.

His jealousy of Ced disappeared bit by bit. Until nothing remained of it.

"I'm sorry, Dad!" he then said sincerely as he ticked off lunch and turned to dessert.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jake ... Everyone is entitled to their feelings. Yours didn't come out of nowhere, but I didn't treat you the way you were used to and could have expected me to. Leah is certainly right about the vacations not doing us much good as a family. On top of that, Ced is now among us, who additionally stirs up all our lives a little bit ... On Monday school starts again. That's when a little normality will return to us."

"Are you going back to school?" he asked intently.

"I have to admit that I wasn't planning on it. So far, I haven't talked to anyone about it - including Bella. I wanted to stay with Ced so I wouldn't miss anything about him. But right now I have my doubts if it would be the right thing to do ... It's nice to be able to go to school with my kids and I would certainly miss that. This way I also have an overview of their grades and know if they are trying hard enough," I reflected teasingly, but concerns about this plan were indeed on my mind.

Bella would take care of our baby. For this she had quit her job, which was her express wish. As a father, would I have to be at home when I could be with my other children instead? Besides, I would probably get on Bella's nerves if I was there all the time. She wanted to continue working on her dissertation, but that wasn't a problem. Esmé would take care of Ced meanwhile, as she had already offered of her own accord. And I had to learn that not everything could be about Ced for me.

"Maybe you can just cut back on school hours. Just until noon or something," Jake interjected.

"We'll see," was all I said. I would think together with my family about what would make the most sense for all of us.

Jake, of course, ate it all up.

The waitress had become sick in the meantime, when she observed from a distance that Jake ate everything alone. I had the rest of the cherry pie, which was in a glass case, wrapped up.

That was the order on my cell phone.

We drove, but on the way I stopped again in the gathering dusk.

The breached roadway boundary had been secured with barrier tape and light panels.

We went to the wreck of my Maserati.

It was still lying there. Presumably, they hadn't found a company that was willing to pick up the scrap pile today - New Year's Day. It hadn't burst into flames, by the way. Not completely, at least. There had apparently been a bit of a fire in the engine compartment.

I squatted down and looked into the devastated interior.

Nothing was in its place anymore. The seats, the dashboards, the steering wheel. Everything lay smashed or bent in disarray. The windows were shattered. The thought that Jake had been lying in there, and how, made me tremble.

"Dad?" Jake addressed me. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes," I sighed with relief and rose again.

"I'm sorry about the car!" Jake looked me apologetically in the eyes.

"You are healthy. Nothing else matters!" I said and fervently thanked his guardian angel.

Something distracted me.

A strange smoke seemed to burn a little in my eyes. Black smoke.

I followed him with my eyes.

It whirled happily through the air, but seemed to have a clear destination. It lowered, following the uneven ground, and stopped over a spot in the grass. 2.38 yards next to the car.

I went to the spot and could hardly believe my eyes.

Jake's bracelet. The one of his father with the little wolf on it.

I picked it up and continued to follow the smoke as it began to move again.

More briskly, as if he wanted to disappear.

On the edge of the slope were a few trees. Directly in front of them the smoke manifested itself.

If you could call it that.

A translucent figure appeared. A young Native American. Tall, muscular build, gentle features with black eyes. Jacob Black. As I had seen him in various reminiscent thoughts. His face seemed expressionless at first, but then he began to smile. A mischievous smile that was very familiar to me from Jake. He winked at me, turned away, and the outline blurred. A handsome auburn wolf disappeared into the forest.

Had I really seen that now? Did vampires tend to hallucinate lately? I was anything but sure that I could believe my eyes right now.

"Dad?" asks Jake from behind me. "What's wrong?"

"I just met your guardian angel," I replied, holding up the bracelet as evidence.

It had lain in the dirt, deep among the grass, pressed into the ground by the rescue workers' rough shoes. That I found it in this wintry darkness was not my doing.

"Your father," I added as I tied it around his wrist.

"I have a father ... you!" Jake replied, and I hugged my beloved son. "I love you, Dad!" he was still murmuring, and my eyes were burning with emotion.

It was only the second time Jake had actually said those words.

We quickly drove home.

On the way, we discussed that he wanted to pay the cost of the car.

I was supposed to deduct it from his allowance, which made me laugh heartily. How long did Jake want to keep getting an allowance? Maybe I should ask Carlisle to take a closer look at my son's head. Something didn't seem to be working quite right right now.

But he explained to me that I should take his Mercedes as a down payment.

"Jake, that's nonsense!" I tried to say as we reached the underground parking garage. "If your mom will let me, I'll order another new one!" I tried to clarify, and my son looked cutely confused.

At home, everyone was already running to meet us.

Well. Not quite all. My siblings were still busy and would remain so for the time being. My parents had joined them in the meantime.

Jake hugged his mother, to whom he apologized for the grief that was still in her face. From Leah he got a rough slap in the back of the neck for his - as she called it - bitching. Only then did she hug him. With Marcus, he slapped his hands against each other, as one would at a sporting event.

A gesture they had gotten into the habit of over the course of the last few days. Big boys did not hug each other!

Becky jumped into his arms, grateful to have him back.

"I'm sorry, I was an idiot!" he whispered to her, and she nodded in agreement.

After enduringly greeting Bella, telling her that everything was fine between Jake and I again, I squatted down on the floor to receive my baby son.

But that one just crawled past me!

Ced held quick and brisk toward his big brother.

"It seems you've been eagerly awaited!" I stated. A little offended, but I smiled nevertheless pleased.

Jake detached himself slightly from his star, looked at me in confusion, and I pointed to the floor - at his feet.

The brothers laughed at each other across the distance.

The distance between the parquet floor and Jake's eyes.

Jake sat down on the floor and pulled Ced into his arms.

As quickly as Ced could, his little hands were on Jake's and the question of where he had been for so long overlapped both of their thoughts.

Jake tried to suppress his resentment toward me, for which Ced's fundamental presence was causal. His little brother couldn't help his daft musings. He didn't quite manage it, causing Ced to look sad. Jake was able to cheer him up, though, by admitting that he'd been acting like a jerk. That we were a family in which no one was less important than the other. That he liked his little brother a lot. Except for the way the little guy always adored Becky, which immediately made Ced giggle. Somehow this made me suspect that Ced was looking at Becky that way on purpose. To tease his big brother.

The kids started playing with Ced on the carpet while I served the cherry pie I had brought.

Thereby I sat with Bella on the sofa.

Between our children there was not a hint of jealousy.

After collecting the dirty plates and putting them down in the kitchen for the time being, I took a little detour on my way back.

"What are the rest of your vacation plans, by the way?" asked Bella, smirking but trying hard to be casual when she saw what I came back into the living room with.

Fortunately, the children were too distracted to notice how implausible the casualness had been.

I calmly leaned against the high side of the sofa, for the time being still hiding what I had in my hand.

"We're invited to my parents' house tomorrow for breakfast," Becky chimed in.

She would have forgotten that.

"I'd have to show's my face at my ma's sometime, too," Marcus reflected. "Could we maybe also organize it for breakfast?" he turned questioningly to Leah, who nodded in agreement.

"In the afternoon we have a date with friends of Marcus," Jake looked at Marcus and raised his eyebrows belligerently.

"Paintball," Leah added explanatorily, rolling her eyes as she saw another contest between Jake and Marcus approaching.

But she chuckled at the consideration of how tough, but also how silly, the two of them comported themselves at something like this.

"We girls would rather go for a little stroll and then maybe a movie," Becky stated.

Leah agreed with that.

I mentally checked my bank balance briefly, whether I could afford said 'stroll', but the two were not as addicted to shopping as my sisters.

Jake reflected on this - a little guiltily - that Leah was probably not wrong. The multiple schedules of our busy children made our usual family life almost impossible.

"And what else?" I asked more specifically. "What about Friday and the last vacation weekend?" The fact that I had to ask my children about their free time activities also made me very guiltily aware myself once again of how little we had talked in the last few days.

"There will be a 'Ben & Jerry's' night on Saturday!" announced Becky.

"What is that?" my angel asked, confused.

"We watch movies in the cinema room and get 'Ben & Jerry's' ice cream served by Em and Rosie!"

"Surely this won't be the only food?" the father in me questioned anxiously.

"Well ... hopefully not!" clarified Jake.

"And on Sunday, the annual poker tournament at Lisa and Jason's to kick off the new year," came to Leah's mind.

"Well then," I said indeterminately, now holding the box in my hands so that it could be seen.

The Christmas-decorated shoebox that my children had given me two days before Christmas. It contained self-written coupons for all sorts of things the four of them wanted to do for me. Bella and I had picked it up at home this morning when we got back from Portland. We were going to redeem one of the coupons.

Three of my children smiled delightedly because I was actually going to make use of my gift. They had considered that I wouldn't use the coupons because I hadn't called in their betting debts yet either. The bet among the four of us, which was how long it would take Alice to learn of our engagement. Bella had won. The bet was that each loser would have to make coffee and fetch rolls for a week, after what actually even Jake and Leah would have their turn. But how could I get my angels out of bed without their vital coffee? That is, without them being in a bad mood for the rest of the day? An almost impossible task.

Jake, on the other hand, was the only one not smiling.

He swallowed and was a little afraid. He feared that now the punishment for his behavior today would overtake him. Whatever would come on him, he would bear it! That he told himself at least, that I had to chuckle.

Bella handed me a pen from the table, and I picked out the right coupon.

There were also empty slips of paper that only said, 'Please enter your wish here:'. I took one of those out.

I wrote:

I wish for a whole day just with my family and doing nothing!

"And who do I have to drop it off with?" I inquired.

All four jumped up, rushing curiously toward me.

I saw myself in danger and threw the note at them, which they all grabbed in equal measure, snatching it out of each other's hands. It took a moment for everyone to read the text completely.

Bella, meanwhile, had gone to Ced and picked him up when he tried to crawl after his siblings.

From now on, you had to watch where you stepped.

I heard the two of them silently 'talking' about what had gotten into Jake, Marcus, Leah, and Becky that they had left Ced like at the drop of a hat.

They both chuckled.

"Friday," I added my wish. "You have nothing planned for then!"

My wish was accepted on all sides, for which all four hugged me sufficiently, but I took another empty voucher from the box.

Make a Wish!

I entered this time and handed it to Leah and Jake personally.

Even though I considered Marcus and Becky to be part of my children, they were not my twins. They didn't expect anything from me, which is why I hadn't hurt them when I had focused primarily on Ced. They hadn't even thought about whether it bothered them in any way how I had behaved. Rather the opposite. They hadn't really expected it any other way.

"What does that mean?" asked Leah, confused.

"Just what it says. You are to make a wish. With it I would like to apologize to you both for my tactless behavior. If it is in my power, I will fulfill it!" I promised.

"Better weather?" suggested Marcus behind me, chuckling, and Becky agreed wholeheartedly.

She was so fed up with the rain, she said annoyed.

But my Spirit Warriors looked into each other's eyes for a conspiratorial moment and instinctively took each other by the hand.

They were thinking the same thing again and I was already nodding before I took them in my arms. I would fulfill their wish. With pleasure. The last time had been so long ago.

Bella asked what the children had wished for now.

"We want to go into the woods with Dad again sometime," Leah said.

"But longer than just a lap around town," Jake added.

It happened every now and then that I accompanied her on her patrol, , but it was truly far too many weeks ago that we had really spent several hours together in the wilderness,. I was looking forward to it. On Saturday, after breakfast, as we agreed.

Thanks for reading!