A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

98. Chapter 98

Merlin knew he hadn't passed out, he hadn't blacked out or fallen to the floor or anything. He was aware of himself moving, his feet going one step after the next as they traveled further down the dungeons to where Knight Bryon and Tom was already standing at one of the cells. But Merlin couldn't have told anybody how long he had walked, or how deep in the tunnels they had gone. He couldn't have even explained in he had held hands with Morgana the entire way down. And it was only going to get worse than Merlin losing all his time if he stayed down here for longer than he had to stay.

Knight Bryon had done read to Gwen what Uther had written on the parchment by the time the two of them had gotten down to the group: I, Uther Pendragon do nearby announce the serving girl Guinevere has been found innocent of all charges. And therefore, allowed to go free and no repercussions will be made against her for this gross miscarriage of justice. Before Bryon was rolling up the parchment and placing it inside his coat. Tom was practically against the gate, unable to wait until he got his hands on his daughter. It was the knight that had to elbow Tom out of the way so there was space for him to get the right key into the lock to get the gate open.

Gwen had been sitting down along the wall, terrified when the knight had approached. She'd been laying in her own filthy, shivering in her own filth, sure that her time had finally come. But then the knight read his scroll to her, the gate was opening, and her own father was throwing himself into the room to get to her. Gwen hadn't hesitated for even a second, crying as she threw herself up and flung herself into Tom's warm embrace, "Daddy!" She had cried, burying her face into his warm shoulder, and breathing him in as hard as she could. Her fingers clutched tightly along his shirt, crumbling the fabric in her fist. She hadn't called him 'daddy' in so long. Not since she was little and outgrew it, simply calling him 'dad'. But after the ordeal she'd just lived through…Gwen wished she'd been a little girl again.

When Gwen had been a little girl, her father had been the one to soothe her after her mother had died. Had been the one that took care of her, rather than going off and abandoning her like she had seen many other do, the fathers of other serving girl's. Her father had been the one she ran to every time she was upset at anything, all the times a little Morris or another child had picked on her. Her hair was too poofy before the curls had calmed down in her early teens. Her dress was more tattered than some of the other girl's. She didn't have a mother. The list went on and on. Even being an adult now, didn't stop her from seeking the comfort she desperately needed from the one man in her life that had never let her down before.

"Oh, my sweet child!" Tom practically crooned in her ear, holding his daughter so close, they almost could not be told where one started and the other begun. It was finally the end of this nightmare, and Tom could feel the tears starting to brim in his eyes. His young daughter felt so small and slim in his arms, nothing but a child. How could the king had thought for even a second that his Gwen was something as horrible or as awful as a sorcerer was? "My Gweenie, my girl, my baby…you're safe now."

Tom kept crooning in his baby's ear, feeling the tears of his daughter seeping into his shirt as she sobbed against him, rocking her as he ignored the audience they had. He had to be strong for her, strong enough to calm her, but Tom felt weaker than he had during his entire life. He could only look up at the ceiling, as if he was thanking every god and deity in the world for allowing him to hold his baby again. He was never going to allow her to go again, would never be able to stop from showing his daughter how grateful he was to have her in her life. Tom wanted many things in the moment: to see his daughter grow older, to watch as she married a kind man and had children of her own. To carry with her everything he had ever taught her, even after he was gone himself. A father should not ever have to be the one to bury his daughter. If there was any justice in the world, Tom would never be the one to put Gwen to rest. If there was anything left of her after her apparent burning…Tom didn't even want to finish the thought.

Gwen must have caught sight of Morgana and Merlin standing off to the side-Bryon had already left, as he didn't care to watch this sappy family reunion, there was really no reason for him to be here at all-and she pushed herself away from her father. Not very far, as she was still very much safe in his arms, but enough away so that she could talk. Gwen brought a hand to her face, and wiped harshly under her eyes, trying to clear her tear streaked face. But the only thing she'd managed to do was make herself look more mused in the face then she had before. Gwen knew she looked a sight, her body grimy and somehow despite the air of cold in the room, she had a layer of sweat clinging to her. Her dark hair was matted along the side of her head…she still held her hand out, hoping that wasn't going to offend Morgana. When standing next to the lady, Gwen had never felt more dirty than she was in this moment. It was embarrassing. But no more than it had been to be accused of sorcery, and dragged to her doom throughout the castle.

Morgana, so different from other ladies of her station apparently didn't mind the coating of grime covering the palm of Gwen's hand. She let go of Merlin so she could stride forward, her smile brighter than the sun itself as she snatched onto Gwen's hand, clenching it around her own skin fingers. And Gwen, right now, in this dingy dungeon that had tried to drown her spirit and take her soul almost with it, could've started up a good cry in response. God, to not feel alone, to feel a ray of hope breaking through tinge despair…there's a sheen of sunlight streaming in through the window at the top of the cell. It had taunted her with freedom as long as she had been in here. But even that light was paling in comparison to the company of friends. And family.

"Thank you! Thank you!" Gwen managed to choke out, that bubble of crying wanting to work its way out of her throat. She didn't know how they had done the whole thing, but Gwen wasn't stupid. She knew they were the reason she was being released. She didn't have any idea what she had done to deserve this. To deserve to not only have a kind mistress, but to find a friend in her as well. How many people could have said their mistress saved their life… "I-I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay you. I just…thank you!"

The stinging of tears returned to Gwen's eyes, as if it wanted to remind her that she had nothing to offer to the lady to show her gratitude. Nothing but her word, and that hardly seemed like enough. This only made Gwen squeeze Morgana's fingers even tighter among her own, scared that letting her go would make all of this go away, nothing but a dream, her father's heavy arm around her shoulders keeping her situated in her new reality. One where freedom was a surety, where the only breeze of fresh air against her cheeks wasn't going to be threw a three inch window.

"You don't have to repay me for anything Gwen. You don't even have to thank me. I didn't really do much of anything." Morgana downplayed what involvement she did have. She glanced over her shoulder with this glowing smile, eyes twinkling as she saw Merlin, who was leaning against the bars of the cell and watching the reunion with a dopey expression on her face. She knew he was hanging back, allowing Gwen to have a proper reunion with her father, and her best friend. It wasn't just the two-Gwen and Morgana-any longer. It hadn't taken very long, but the consort had wormed his way into their little circle. Their twosome opening and expending to include a third. To include Him. The boy who had made all of this possible. Morgana quite happily turned back around to face Gwen, before she was announcing, "Merlin practically did everything to get you out himself."

Arthur might have been stupid enough to not come with them, might even allow Merlin to go unrewarded for his hard work, but Morgana had much more class than that. Merlin deserved to have this. Just a bit of recognition and acknowledgement. Gwen would be dead without him. Morgana would have lost her best friend. She still shivered at the idea of seeing what a world without somebody as kind as Gwen would look like. It wasn't a world she wanted to see, and was far too happy to leave the thought as something that she didn't see happening for another fifty or so years. So yea, Gwen deserved to know how much work, effort, and time Merlin had spent on discovering, tracking it down, and being instrumental in killing the beast for good. They would have never gone down that tunnel if Merlin hadn't gone first, and the beast would still be killing the people if they hadn't.

"Really?" Gwen asked, her wide tawny eyes whipping around to look in Merlin's direction. Merlin, who jolted against the cell doors, looking startled now that their attention had turned to him. The consort darted eyes between the three in front of him, not sure what they were talking about, but knowing their attention came to be on him sorely. He must have zoned out, and he rolled his shoulder…now that he was no longer falling asleep against the bars, Merlin could feel the singe of heat trying to work it's way through the cloak. Those bars seemed to cause him a far bigger reaction then anything else. The bars were what had left the burnt imprints against the palm of his hands before they'd faded. And the bars were trying to do it again, trying to light him on fire was what it felt like. If Merlin had stayed there for any longer…a cold slither of fear was going down his spine, strong enough to force him to keep awake…would it take before he was actually set on fire. Could that have happened? If he had stayed there long enough? "You don't say…Merlin did this?"

Gwen shouldn't be surprised, and on one hand, she really wasn't. She did have a vague recollection of Merlin promising that she wasn't going to die, but it was still a bit hazy. She wasn't sure if that had been a real moment, or just a fever dream she'd had when all her hope had been dying off. But if it hadn't been just a dream…then that meant Merlin had kept his word, it meant Merlin was an honorable Consort. And maybe Merlin was another man, one other than her very own father, that she could rely on. Gwen had learned a lot of things during the short nineteen years she'd lived in this city. And one of the first things she had known about her station in life…a simple maid wasn't going to be important to anybody. A maid wasn't somebody that people fought for when she was in trouble.

But this experience, the last few days in her cell…she understood that far better than she ever understood it before. It meant, all Gwen needed to do was look a bit off, and such a huge and heinous crime like trying to start up a plague, would land directly in her lap to take the fall off. It meant people would happily watch Gwen going off to the pyre, thankful only because it hadn't been themselves.

Gwen had been innocent before this experience.

But that innocence had been taken from her the day Arthur had walked into Morgana's room with his men.

And ordered her arrest without looking at her.

The Gwen that was going to walk out of these cells…

She was somebody that was totally different.

The experience had marked her for life and there was no going back.

Gwen would never get that piece of innocence back.

"He's the real hero here." Morgana said, looking quite pleased about herself. She wanted to see Merlin get a bit embarrassed, though he had absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. She watched as the other boy walked awkwardly towards them, though she did pay it barely any mind. She didn't think the other boy really understood just how amazing it was, what he'd done for Gwen. If any other man had been chosen as Consort, they would have been happy to leave Gwen to rot, not wanting to make waves for fear they they'd lose their new station in life. But Merlin hadn't exactly gone and made waves. He'd rocked the entire boat in the water, and caused a tsunami to wipe it out of the way until he got the results that he wanted. Morgana turned back to Gwen, "I don't think we would've ever discovered what was really going on around here, if Merlin hadn't taken it upon himself to work overtime to figure it out."

Merlin joined the group of three, and allowed his eyes to wonder from Morgana to Tom to Gwen and back to the beginning of the lineup again. He blinked, slowly and stifled, burying his hands into the pockets of his jacket underneath the cloak. Merlin dug his fingernail into the palms of his hands, as the small burst of pain was something he desperately needed. Something to remind himself to 'stay awake'. He needed to go and follow this conversation, without looking as if he was nothing but a lump on a rug. Which was pretty hard, his name had been mentioned a few times, so he did know they were talking about him. Him and Gwen…it was pretty confusing to keep up, the words going by him faster than he could have them connect inside of his brain. His shoulders were starting to shake from the strain of being down here, and when he noticed it, Merlin forced himself still. Probably looking as if he was a dumbarse statue, but that was better than him being discovered. Or dropping to the floor…the idea was starting to sound strangely appealing to him. But he knew on some level, that it was a stupid idea…but it didn't stop him from glancing down longingly at the floor.

"I don't know what to say." Gwen said, sounding a bit shyer than she had the last time. No, not shyer, a girl who'd lived through this didn't have much reason to allow shyness to stop her from speaking. But she still sounded soft, glancing down at her hands while she rolled this new information around in her mind. There had to be something she could say, something larger than 'thank you' that could express the gratitude she had towards Merlin. It wasn't the first time she found herself being saved by Merlin. Though this was most obviously, a much larger scale than the time he took it upon himself to step in when Morris had tried to do what he did best, and ridicule her. Even now, she was able to feel something strong and sure tugging hard, at her heart. Something inside of her cementing her faith and trust in Merlin. It was something she would carry into the type of friendship she had never once thought she could have. A friend that had seen her at her worse, and instead of leaving her, had been the one to pull her out of the darkness. Merlin was more special than anybody in Camelot deserved…far more special than anybody she had ever known. When she had approached the boy in the stocks, that very first day, she never could have imagined it would lead her to something like this. Gwen lifted her eyes up, away from her hands. "Thank you for saving me…it doesn't sound like enough."

There was a second where nothing was being said at all, Merlin had only caught the tail end of what Gwen had been saying, but didn't seem to register that it'd been said to him. At least until Morgana reached out and elbowed him in the side to get his attention. This was only a small nudge, but Merlin stumbled over on the side, and nearly tripped over his own feet. Gwen and Morgana whipped their heads around to look at each other confused. Morgana mouthed to the young handmaiden 'he's not been sleeping', and Gwen only softened up her demeanor even more. She should be horrified that somebody had decided to forgo a need like that for her, a handmaiden wasn't worthy of that being done. But Merlin was her friend, and she found herself waiting with patience as Merlin straightened back up again.

"I…" Merlin stuttered, when he saw he had everybody focused on his. That wasn't what he wanted, he was supposed to be behaving normal. Or at least normal enough where everybody was watching him. Wait…it had been Gwen that had just said 'thank you'…didn't see? Merlin was still trying to wade through the bits and pieces of his sluggish mind, but he was sure he had heard that. Merlin didn't want that, didn't want to be the center of attention right now. It took this great amount of effort to lift his shoulder into a shrug, and he dropped it almost as fast, unable to hang onto the weight such a simple action had taken. He felt like a newborn babe, awkward and unable to control any of his own limbs. But that hardly seemed to matter right now, "I only did what was right. Anybody else would have done the same. There's no reason…I didn't do anything…"

In another world, Merlin might have felt more bashful and embarrassed by the attention being spared onto him. It wasn't as if he got much of it nowadays, none that didn't involve a harsh shove or a cruel word that kept him up at night. But that would have been a far more innocent Merlin, who could grin and enjoy this moment. It wasn't meant for somebody who'd been drugged by whatever was in the air. Wasn't meant for Merlin, who had a vague recollection that he was the reason for Gwen's trauma. She would live, but she'd be traumatized from this. Merlin was sure he would feel the overwhelming and crushing weight falling on him when everything wasn't so…off…but right now, it was only numbness, the cold inside spreading out far across his body again. More freezing then it'd been before, and Merlin shivered harshly in his cloak.

"He's just being modest. He was the one that did the work and figure out what this was. And he was also the one that managed to convince Arthur that he was wrong and got him to help." Morgana said quickly, as she whipped her head back around to Gwen, making sure to give Merlin credit where credit's due. And the consort would have appreciated it, if he hadn't been so strung out at the moment. Because after all, being the one to convince Arthur to do anything happened to be an impressive feat. Even if it didn't exactly feel like it was all that impressive to Merlin. He was pretty sure he was nothing but a cosmic joke at this point, it was pretty stupid though, right? For Merlin to think it was the literal universe conspiring against him, trying to think he was something fucking special. Morgana, turned back to Gwen, and waved a hand at her, "Take a few days off of course, to recover. But once you've returned back to work, I'll tell you the everything that has been going on."

It would be a week later, Merlin would wake up in his bed at Gaius', to Gwen shoving him away. He would be a bit confused, and maybe disoriented after being woken up so suddenly, But Gwen would be crying on him. And she'd be hugging him. It would be minutes after Morgana had just regaled her with the tale of what she knew Merlin had been doing while she had been stuck in her incarceration. Merlin would look at Gaius over Gwen's shoulder, standing in the doorway as he fashioned himself into a chaperone: it wouldn't be okay for certain people to learn Merlin had others going in and out his room at all hours of the day, not without someone else who could act as a witness to say nothing improper happened between the pair of them. But Merlin would figure out what Gwen meant soon enough, and he would give a playful tug on the end of her ponytail before saying something like: us peasants have got to stick together, right?

And Gwen would only smile broadly, feeling a twinge in her heart as she registered these words. Because she knew what they meant. She would know, in that moment, that Merlin had won her friendship and sole loyalty to this kingdom-they already had it because she was born here. But it was a different feeling, just knowing she had chosen to give her loyalty, instead of just going along with her birth. But Gwen would've been able to feel it in her very soul…Camelot's own consort had won her allegiance, though it might take many years before Gwen was strong enough, mature enough, to act in Merlin's defense in face of the king or the prince himself. Because the person who'd won her loyalty had been her friend, Merlin. Not Merlin the consort, he was forced to be.

And that made all the difference in the world.

But it would be many years from now, before Merlin would realize-maybe before Gwen herself was going to realize, just how strong their bond had formed in that moment-that the young handmaiden would turn into a force to be reckoned with. Should anybody try to dethrone Merlin from Camelot's Court.

"I'm grateful, to all of you." Tom suddenly said, which caused every eye to turn to the man, whose had his heavy arm wrapped snugly around his daughter, and pulling her smaller shivering form into his chest. Tom looked down at her dark head of hair with this teary smile, before clearing his throat and looking back up at the group. At the two royal's his daughter, a poor handmaiden, had somehow managed to get to go the extra miles for her. Uther had left them to rot, Arthur had brushed them aside. Morgana had cried tears of her own, and Merlin…Tom's eyes landed onto the boy in question. "You did it, my Consort. You truly kept to your word, and because of that, my daughter is in my arms. She has returned to me, safe."

Tom was looking at Merlin in awe, as if he was the sun and the stars and the moon all rolled into one, like he was the gravity that kept Camelot pinned to the ground instead of free falling into the endless expense of space above them. But Tom didn't care, his respect for the young man shooting up far more than was expected. When he had saw that gangly young boy outside his house that morning, when he had came sniffing around Gwen for a wheelbarrow, it had never occurred to him that this was where they would end up. Reunited…because one boy, because their consort, had given him his word, that he would not allow Gwen to die. And instead of making false excuses or platitudes for why he had failed, having not even truly tried…Merlin had followed through his word.

Merlin slowly nodded, feeling a bit uncomfortable by this attention on him. After being dismissed, and by living unseen and ignored, or maybe seen far more than he wanted to be by certain individuals, he found he wasn't so sure about this sudden different kind of attention on him, "Yeah…I did. But really, like I said, it wasn't anything that anybody else wouldn't do…" his speech slurred out again, and Merlin swallowed down his tongue before trying again. "I…I was just trying to help…" his fingers were starting to feel cold along the tips. And Merlin was sure that wasn't a good sign. He leaned over, tipping a little as if he was about to fall, but Morgana was close by. And leaning into her was what he did, keeping his barely functioning balance on his feet. Morgana looked at him strangely, but she didn't say anything, and Merlin couldn't bring himself to care much. Though he was sure he'd be panicking later, when he had came to his senses, wondering on rather or not anybody in their group noticed just how messed up he was.

Tom didn't seem to think this was good enough, did not seem to think Merlin should downplay what he'd been involved in. Because forget about thanking the gods, and the deity's for his daughter's safe return. It was the boy in front of him…he would not have Gwen if it wasn't for the consort's efforts and the strengths he had when facing adversaries. The only reason he should be thanking the god's, was for sending Merlin into their prince's orbit, for allowing the king to bless their marriage…Tom bowed lowly at the waist, which caused the room to go quieter than it had been only seconds before. Even Merlin was able to pry open his drooping eyelids long enough to focus.

"I know that many of our people aren't sure if you are the best choice for our kingdom, and many have not gone on to accept you as our consort." Tom kept his eyes trained on the floor, finding it was disrespectful for someone as lowly as him to look directly into the eyes of their fair consort, when he was doing a thing like this, where he wanted only to show the consort how respected and beloved he was. "And I know that it probably counts for very little when it comes from a lowly blacksmith. But today…you've earned yourself the loyalty of me and mine, for the rest of your reign. Our family would be honored to be of service to you, whenever you have need for us."

Merlin could feel his breath escaping him, feel all of the shock going through him that for once, had not a thing to do with the sickness trying to make him drop to his knees and let take him. He had…loyalty, what in the world…Merlin hadn't done anything but what was necessary to clean up in his mistake. And for the rest of his reign…Merlin would never see the throne of the kingdom under him. He didn't want the throne in the first place, but Merlin had already accepted he would be long dead before Arthur was touched by kingship for himself. He might have survived this week, but he wasn't dumb enough to know he would survive all of the weeks that came after it. It was just too hard, and besides…Uther would see him dead by his own hand long before Merlin got close enough to gaze upon a golden throne. And if it wasn't Uther himself wielding the blade, then it was most certainly going to be that man he was forced to call his husband.

Tom seemed to take his silence as acceptance, since before Merlin could work up the strength needed to try and refuse deserving something like that, the man was turning to his daughter and tightening the grip he had around her, "Come along, Gwen. We need to get you home, warm you up by the fire, and get some decent food in you." Not that they had much one may consider 'decent food' but even what they had would be much better than a prisoner's last meal, Tom was sure of it. And all he wanted to do was bundle her up with a blanket, and make sure she was the one that was comfortable. Tom, he decided, would be the one to take care of Gwen for once.

His sweetheart was always taking care of him. It was far past the time where he should be doing it.

Gwen didn't argue, and only nodded her head with an eager anticipation. She was more than ready to get out of here, or feet couldn't have moved her any faster if she tried, as her father ushered by out of her cell. As they started down the hall, Gwen looked over her shoulder, at the small three by three cell that had tried to become her tomb. And as she locked eyes on Merlin, Gwen felt the shuttering breath rack through her chest as she exhaled. Her father had pledged the family's loyalty-not to the throne itself, but to Merlin-and she didn't have a single objection to it. He, Gwen could feel the tears brimming her eyes again as that overwhelming moment hit her, was the only reason she was safe. This debt Merlin had just given her, she had no idea how she would ever be able to repay him for all that he had done for her. Had no idea how she could do anything more than standing beside him as he needed her.

But Gwen knew she would be there…

And knew somewhere deep inside of her chest, that this was only the start of something new. Something that had shifted the balance, and solidified Merlin as her dearest of friends. How could she had known, so young but no longer innocent, many years from that moment, that Gwen's own name-not the simple maid she had been born any longer-would end up being a synonym to the Great King's of Albion…

X

"Maybe we should go now." Merlin gurgled, speech coming out thick as he learned more heavily into the lady's side, his head hanging. Now that all of this was over, the only thing Merlin could think about was how much he wanted to get out of this place. He was sure he would feel better once he was away from the cells and out in the open. "It's getting pretty late now, you know…". Merlin tried to take one step towards the cell gates, and his leg nearly buckled. He would of hit the ground if Morgana wasn't there, grabbing tightly on his side.

Merlin vaguely wanted to curse and scream but there was no chance of him even lifting his arms, yet along being able to allow a stream of violent curses come shooting out his mouth. Merlin knew very well what it meant to have no control or say over his own body as Arthur went through extreme lengths to oppress him. And make sure he knew he could do whatever it was he wanted, and Merlin was just stuck with it. But this was different. Merlin could fight against Arthur, even if it never went anywhere. But he couldn't fight when it was his own body rebelling again him, trying to get him to let go. But letting go meant not getting to see the sun the next morning. Letting go meant he'd just gone and wasted all he'd done to fight for his life…if he was going to give up the second his legs felt as if they wanted to stop working with him.

"What in the world is wrong with you, Merlin? Are you going to pass out on me?" Morgana exclaimed as she moved herself around, pushing Merlin's arm up, while listening to him groan, until she had it wrapped along her shoulders, her other arm going around his waist to hold him steady against her. She frowned heavily, now that she wasn't worried about Gwen anymore, it had all shifted onto Merlin. "Do I need to take you to see Gaius? God, if Arthur gave you brain damage or something when he slammed you against that wall, I am going to bloody well kill him myself."

And she bloody well meant it too. Morgana moved her hand to the back of his head, cautiously prodding at the back of his head, trying to check through what mess of hair he had for any bumps or lumps that may indicate brain damage was definitely a factor in their consort's falling. Arthur had roughed him up badly, in the caves, when he'd been pitching a fit about Merlin running in the tunnels by himself. But there would be hell to pay if she found out Merlin was damaged due to Arthur being a total prick to his own husband. Just because he didn't like Merlin, didn't mean he had any right to hurt him.

"No, no. I don't need Gaius, and this isn't Arthur. He didn't do this to me…" Merlin stuttered, trying to get himself off of Morgana, but the only thing Merlin was able to do was tighten his grip around her. Now, the consort would be the last person to 'protect Arthur' if this was what you wanted to call it, but for once, this wasn't Arthur hurting him. Arthur had done plenty of shit to him, but not this…he couldn't blame it on him. But he did want to get out of here, "I'm just tired. You know, haven't been sleeping well. I think everything's just finally hitting me now…" and his legs wobbled on him, because he could barely stand. And this caused Morgana to tighten her grip around him. Merlin could only look away, shame burning across his face when knowing Morgana was seeing him like this.

It was hardly his fault, but that didn't change the fact at all. Morgana was seeing a Merlin who wasn't able to take care of himself. Not now. But it wasn't like the truth could be told? Merlin could hardly get words to come out without sounding like he was doped up on a million drugs. It was a miracle itself that he hadn't spilled the beans anyway. Maybe it was just habit but he was tight lipped on anything that could indicate it was him who had magic. And all Morgana had to do was leave him down here to leave him incapacitated. It was almost a helplessness worse than anything the prince had done to him. At least Merlin had magic to fall back on if he needed it, though he hadn't become that desperate yet. But down here…magic was just a foreign entity he couldn't access. It was terrifying.

"Of course, that makes complete sense. You've been working so hard, of course it caused this effect. Here let's get out of here." Morgana said, and Merlin lolled his head around drunkly to look at her with swimming eyes. Morgana was probably one of the people that the dragon had warned him about, somebody smart enough to put together the pieces. She was the ward to the king, after all. She probably knew some things that other's wouldn't. But Merlin was too weak to try getting her to stop babying him, or put on a show to make her think he was okay. He just wanted outside, the cold at his fingertips had moved up to his entire hands, and they were numb. So numb, they seemed to be stuck frozen. Morgana would have to pry him off by the time they were done here. "Come on, just a few steps and we can get you back to your room. You are still staying with Gaius, yes? I'm sure you'll feel a lot better once you get into that bed. And I'll be sure that Arthur doesn't disturb you for a few days, just so you can rest up…"

Merlin wished it was as easy as telling Arthur to back up, but the prince never did anything he wanted him to do. If Morgana told him that, then he was going to show up anyway, and probably force his way into his room just to prove that he could. Merlin opened his mouth to quickly tell Morgana that she didn't have to go that far, but Morgana had just lead him into that first step out of the cell doors, and Merlin snapped his mouth closed in an instant. A muffled groan was escaping his lips, feeling his stomach lurch sharply as a burst of heat hit him. An odd combination when compared to the cold of his hands, this must be what being poisoned felt like, he vaguely thought. It took him more effort that he wanted to spare to wave off Morgana, who looked as if she was about only two seconds away from dropping him onto the floor and run for help.

"You know…I really don't like how you're looking, are you sure it's only from being tired?" Morgana asked him, biting down on her lower lip as she led Merlin to the main doors down the hallway. Merlin ended up in a hunched over position, and Morgana was using her arms to keep him standing more than his actual legs were. Merlin could only give her a blank look, hoping he could convey that 'yes, he was only tired. He was most definitely not possibly dying because he'd gone ahead and decided on his own that he was tough and could hold out against this illness, despite a mythical dragon warning him otherwise' but Morgana seemed to hopefully get the gist of the message, and nodded her head before changing the subject. The lull of her voice could have relaxed Merlin, but relaxing meant sleeping. And sleeping was bad, very very bad. Until something she said caught his attention. "Besides, it really was remarkable. Peasants done really follow to the same social roles that a noble does. But it seems as if you've already started gathering your own group of people around here. I wouldn't let Uther know that though, I'm not so sure how please he'll be. I swear, it is always a mood with him…"

Merlin managed to lift up his head, through strength of Will alone because that was all he had…she wasn't wrong, Uther would probably kill him if he knew that somebody had done what Tom had done. Or maybe it was a good thing, didn't they want people to think he and Arthur was in love? Didn't that mean he was supposed to be 'well liked' by the people. He wasn't, but that didn't seem to matter much around here, as long as Merlin fulfilled his role as consort. But with all honesty, Merlin wasn't entirely sure how he felt about all of this. One guy had vowed loyalty to him-but that wasn't exactly clear, Merlin had absolutely no bloody idea what that was supposed to mean. He hoped that it meant Tom wasn't going to follow him around when he walked along the castle, bowing to him every time he saw him…that would get old real fast-just because he saved his daughter's life. The daughter Merlin had nearly gotten killed because of his own ignorance. So it didn't exactly mean Merlin was going to go around collecting more and more people to join with this 'I'm loyal to Merlin thing' Tom had just started.

Morgana seemed to see Merlin's awkwardness to get anybody's loyalty, or maybe she was just trying to do what she could to fill the silence as they trekked their way further down the hall, "Well, I think it's quite the impressive feat. You do know peasants are born with their loyalties already decided, right? Nobles choose who to align themselves with, and then settle down in the kingdom. Peasants can't just up and move, so nobody's really all that concerned with them actually pledging their allegiance. It's pretty much expected to have them loyal to the people housing them within their borders…"

Merlin supposed this was meant to make him feel a bit better about what was going on, changing things just by fixing his mistakes…Merlin doubted Tom was going to feel the same way if he ever learned Merlin's involvement in this. Tom would probably denounce his former loyalty, and spit directly at Merlin's feet if he knew Gwen had suffered through Merlin's faults and arrogance. Merlin let his gaze drip back down to his feet, and tried to focus on making it one step at a time towards the door. It was probably just him, but he could have sworn the door looked much further away then it had a moment before…maybe he finally cracked, and was starting to hallucinate?

"Merlin," Morgana started up again, grip tightening around Merlin's wrist on her shoulder, when she felt him starting to slide, readjusting him against her long before he would have the chance to fall. "I do quite understand that you aren't feeling that great at the moment-" Merlin stiffened his shoulders, preparing to push himself away from Morgana. He was sure the lady was about to say she couldn't half-carry him any longer, and Merlin didn't blame her. Taking care of his problems, problems he'd known about but had been underestimated, wasn't her responsibilities. And the thousand of apologies on the edge of his tongue only came out as a low moan. "But I feel like I should just go ahead before we get out there…your secret will be safe with me."

Merlin felt his heart seize up in a way that had not a thing to do with the icy cold trying to coat his entire soul at the moment. It was an odd contrast when it was compared to the slithering of sweat gathering in the hallow of his back. But Merlin ignored all of this, and slowly lifted his head back up so he could look at Morgana with a careful eye. He'd been so sure that the Lady was just tried of packing him around, Merlin might not be made of muscle like Arthur was, but he doubted the lady was strong enough to hold up his entire weight for long, which looked as if that would be exactly where they were heading if they didn't get out soon. But this…this was so much worse. Merlin would rather get on his knees and crawl his way out of here on his own, by the grit of his teeth, and with nothing more than his own brief determination to live through this. Not because he actually wanted to live, but more because he felt as if that was what he was

supposed to do.

"My secret?" Merlin finally asked her, when she fell to silence without elaborating what she meant. His word came out slurred again, but the question could have still been heard. He had to remind himself, though his thoughts were slow and stifled, not to panic and start jumping right to conclusions. He had done things like that before, but was lucky enough to realize that long before he said something to get him caught. He only wished they were having this conversation outside so he could think better. But maybe Morgana had gone and decided on this conversation now for exactly this purpose. She knew he was weak…knew she was able to jump onto him, and ask him anything she wanted to know. He would probably say 'yes' without even a hint of hesitation if she just came right on out, asking 'are you a sorcerer'. "I don't think I have an idea what you're taking about. I don't have any secrets…"

Because he was just being stupid, Arthur called him that enough times, maybe it was finally coming true. Or maybe he was just paranoid, this illness taking his body making him overreact before he had anything to react too. But…didn't Morgana tell him once, not all that long ago, that she always knew everything that went on around here? He'd just taken it as the lady overselling herself, there wasn't anyway the lady could 'actually know everything. But Merlin needed to remember to trek carefully still. Morgana was the ward of the king, she could very well see the signs of a sickening sorcerer, that was practically leaking off of Merlin in waves he felt only he was aware of. But Merlin was already feeling things far more than he'd usually would, even his own fucking clothes started irritating his skin. He wouldn't be surprised later if he found rashes along his arms and legs…

"Merlin, you don't have to pretend with me. I wasn't exactly standing in the back, I was standing there the whole entire time." Morgana said, her voice coming out with a stony resolution. And Merlin seized up, his brain freezing in horror at the implications. It seemed as if Morgana wasn't playing around, and didn't want to mince her words either. Merlin could have played it off as a simple misunderstanding, stutter through his lies as he always did when somebody saw something that was off. Merlin supposed he could always just go and stop using his magic, to stop him from getting in situations like this. But…what was the point in having it if he never used it. But it would literally become the death of him, it seemed. Because it sounded as if the lady 'knew' what he'd done in the tunnels. Knew he'd caused the wind tunnel, and set the beast on fire by using Arthur's very own torch. "I know what has been going on. The sketchy behavior, the way your always so high strung…I don't know why I didn't see any of it before…"

Morgana shook her head, nearly upsetting Merlin off from her for a second there, looking as if she was far too disappointed for not seeing it earlier. But Merlin could only feel his seizing heart dropping into his gut like a stone, if his face wasn't pale before, then it was now. Sketchy behavior? That was because Merlin had been running around all week, trying to find a way to get Gwen out without revealing himself. And then he had gone ahead and revealed himself anyway but…it hadn't exactly turned out how he planned. And being high strung? How could Merlin not be high strong, he was surrounded by enemies everywhere he'd go. Hell he'd even caught a maid trying to spit in his food the one time he tried to get it from the kitchen himself. It was why he usually let Gaius take care of the food, at least he was pretty sure Gaius wasn't going to spit in it.

But there was only one question remaining: if all this was true, then why had Morgana not called down the guards on him yet? Why had she waited until the two of them were alone, before approaching him with the secret she had found out? One would think, after the experience they had in the caves, Morgana would be a lot more weary when magic was involved. But there might be a reason Morgana was doing this in private, rather than publicly outing him-the king was actually more likely to listen to his ward spreading tells about witchcraft then Arthur had been when Merlin was the one screaming about it. Maybe she wanted to extort him or something, Merlin thought bitterly, shifting his eyes down to the ground to look at the limp foot he'd started dragging behind him after it had fallen asleep or had gone stiff from the cold. He wasn't sure which one it was really.

Extortion though…it was something his mother used to warn him about, another reason why he couldn't go around telling people he knew what he was. Some would turn on him in a heartbeat, and Merlin had no idea who could be trusted and who couldn't, since he knew everybody in his little neck of the woods. He'd been told stories about sorcerer's who would trust a person who wore the face of a friend, only to find out they were a wolf in sheep's clothing later. If you were lucky, they turned you over to the proper authority's, before sitting back and watching you burn. And if you weren't, they made you their bitch. Subjecting those who were like him, forcing sorcerer's to do their own bidding, growing greedy with each and every spell as it was done with their command. From a simple thing like making the hearth light. To worse things, forcing spells of death and horror onto somebody else who'd only mildly inconvenienced them.

And the sorcerer was forced to obey. Or they might as well start preparing their own pyre. It was what he had feared would happen when his friend Will found out. But Will hadn't done any of that…and Morgana wasn't Will.

"…I don't know what you mean." Merlin said stiffly, his jaw clenched, allowing his head to drop low both with the strain of exhaustion, and to have his hair shadow across his eyes, to hide the betrayal trying to work its way through the glassy look his eyes had taken. He'd legit went as far as accepting Morgana onto the little pseudo council he'd been forming in the back of his mind, and she was going to betray him. He'd always thought Arthur was the worse one in the family, he'd been so focused on Arthur though, that he couldn't see the true snake that had been lying in wait for him to lower his guard all this time. But why should any of this surprise him, it was just his crappy luck, right? It wasn't as if Morgana had already known and gone on to promise her silence. Morgana had absolutely not a single obligation to keep quiet. And why would a girl in Morgana's position, go against her family's ideals, for a boy she'd just met. Two months…that was how long Merlin had survived. It was longer than he had thought it would be. "There wasn't anything to see…I think there's a chance you might've hit your head…if you think I'm pretending anything…"

"Merlin, you don't need to play around with this crap, or try to ignore it. I 'know'." Morgana repeated, saying this final word more firmly than she had been talking before. And Merlin bit down harshly on his bottom lip, feeling the sting as blood welled up to the surface. It had been a fool's hope, thinking he would be able to convince her that she was just seeing things-she was far too smart for that. But what had she seen him do, exactly? Where had Merlin gone, when he had been acting in the heat of the moment to save Arthur and his worthless hide. Had Morgana seen the gold light up his eyes, just before the wind tunnel formed and gave Arthur's torch new life as it burned brighter? It was hard, to think Morgana had seen him, since she had been acting so cool about everything afterward, he would have been expecting more of a freak out if she saw him… "I saw everything with my own eyes."

Maybe, Merlin thought, Morgana was just a quicker thinker than most, and had been able to calm down her shocked reaction before either Arthur or himself had noticed. She could have acted cool, so that the prince wouldn't know what was going on. But why in the world would Morgana not want Arthur to know, if she was just going to turn him in? The idea that she might want to extort him to keep his secret safe was becoming a higher possibility than it had been a few seconds before. But what could Morgana want him to do, to keep her silence? She was a Lady, who could have everything she wanted handed to him on top of a silver platter. What use was him, if she had those other means available to her whenever she wanted it to be? Not unless she wanted to hurt somebody, and didn't want to get her hands dirty, or have her name involved in anyway. Merlin would have snorted if he had the energy. That seemed kind of farfetched, but then again…if Morgana was going to extort him, then maybe he had never dealt known her at all.

"…It was dark, Morgana." Merlin said softly, his voice going no higher than a simple murmur, his lips barely opening as he tried to brace himself through the fog that kept trying to enclose his mind. But he had to do this, had to throw her off…even though it was next to hopeless by this point. But what else could he do, go on and admit it? So she can use him however the hell she wanted too? Merlin's very first instinct would be-protect his secret-always, just like his mother drilled into his head. Protect the secret. And that was what he would try to do. "And there was a lot going on. We had a beast after us, and there was fire everywhere, and we had to get to Gwen…I'm sure there was a lot of things happening that would've made any one of us see things that weren't really happening…"

Honestly, Merlin wanted to feel angry, wanted to lash out because Morgana was the type of person mother had always warned him about. Somebody who would take, take, and take, without any regard to the magic user she was trying to take advantage of. But he had no strength, and Morgana stopping their walk to the door only made him want to scream as she looked at him, but once again…he had no strength. Merlin was resigned to the fact that this was really happening at the moment…he'd thought Morgana had been one of the few people he could somewhat trust. Maybe not with his secret, but with everything else. She'd been the one letting him blow up at her earlier, when he'd really been angry with Arthur. The one that talked to him, called him down, and managed to convince him that going to see Arthur instead of herself would be the better option. It hadn't, but she had tried. But she was drawing this whole thing out, if she would just go ahead and spit out what she knew, then Merlin could also set aside his instinct to keep the secret.

And then, she could let him know what she wanted to keep it a secret. And Merlin could decide rather he'd be able to live with what she wanted him to do, or if it was better to lay himself down at the feet of the king. Bare his neck for the chopping block, and admit all of the sins he'd been born having.

"Please Merlin, I wasn't seeing things that weren't there." The lady said firmly, scoffing at him for still trying to play dumb with her. But she could honestly say she didn't blame him. After seeing what she had seen, both down in the caves and right now, she did not blame him one bit for wanting to keep it hushed up. Arthur would no doubt kill him, if he knew. And seeing he had no trouble bashing his husband hard against a cave wall, she had no trouble seeing him coming after Merlin. Morgana didn't like the way the consort wasn't looking at her though, and she raised a hand, steadying her footing so Merlin wouldn't go toppling them over with his unsteady stance, to tap a finger gently on the bottom of his chin. Encouraging him to look up at her. And as soon as her blue eyes met with his, she smiled. "I completely understand your need for secrecy. Why you don't want anybody else to know about this…"

Merlin blinked, not entirely sure what was going on in this moment. Morgana was about to blackmail him, to try and magic her way into whatever her position was apparently not able to get her. But the look she wore was one of comfort, and gentleness…almost like the older sister Merlin had never had. Her other arm that was wrapped around him squeezed, passing along a bit of comfort to him, trying to put Merlin at ease. But Merlin wasn't sure if this was a ploy, something that was meant to comfort him before Morgana was going to come down on him with an ax. Or if she was being genuine…

"Well…of course you understand." Merlin stuttered in an awkward manner, not sure how he felt saying any of this in the open. Maybe his tongue was looser due to the fog, because he was sure he would have tried lying a bit more if he had a clearer head. Or maybe it was a flicker of hope trying to ignite in his chest…not everybody was looking for a magical handout, right? Will hadn't been expecting Merlin to do anything with his magic after he found out, was it possible that the Lady was similar? "Obviously…this isn't exactly a fact about me that I want spread. It…it would be very bad for me if it did…"

Merlin hoped he wasn't getting ahead of himself, and wasn't taking himself into an early grave. Because it was entirely possible that Morgana was trying to get a confession out of him, before turning him over with confidence. Or maybe…maybe Morgana really was a Camelot version of Will. People like that were far and hard to find, and even harder to recognize once he'd met them since Merlin knew first hand how not every pretty face carried a kind soul underneath. To have a person in his corner, somebody who wouldn't just go turning him away the second they realized Merlin had problems that were bigger than most people. To have somebody around who wouldn't turn him in for a little handful of gold that would be gone before the month was out. Somebody who knew just because he could wield magic, didn't mean Merlin was going to go and hurt them. Some people seemed to have a belief that all magic-users were a destructive source of nature, who only wanted to destroy and cause bloodshed to everything in their path. Somebody who could maybe accept all of him for the real him, instead of believing him to be nothing more than the fool role he'd been somehow forced into, to keep him safe. And to keep him hidden…but maybe Merlin was getting too far in his own head, the fog making way to allow him the chance to overanalyze things…but he found himself still waiting for the other shoe to drop. There was no way somebody finding out about him would act so cool about it…

"Oh, you don't have to worry about me, I won't tell a single soul about it. I'm sure it is hard enough living with it, yet along knowing it wouldn't be accepted by certain people." Morgana said calmly, smiling at him in such a way, that Merlin felt like he was free falling for a second…oh, wait, he really was. Merlin's body had became like dead weight, his entire world turning on it's axis with Morgana's ease acceptance. The girl yelped, unable to keep his weight up any longer, and Merlin's backside hit the ground, his back hitting the wall behind him was the only reason he wasn't laying on his back. This…the world swum in a mix match of colors, his illness hitting him full force…Merlin most likely wouldn't have fallen over with Morgan's easy acceptance if he wasn't already out of his mind. But he blinked, and the spinning colors came into focus, the blob of blue and black solidifying until he saw it was Morgana, kneeling beside him. "Geez, you were not kidding when you said you were tired. I really do hope that reaction isn't because you don't want me to talk to you about it? Because I really would like to, you know…discuss it with you sometime. I might not really understand it, but I am here to listen. But not if it's this sore of a subject for you."

And Morgana looked so concerned-for him-as if she had been the one to push him down and knock him to his arse. Instead of the illness trying to take over him, Merlin wanted to laugh, but it only came out as a wheezy breath of air, his lungs feeling too tight to do much else. This was really happening…Morgana was not scared of him. She wouldn't be sitting so close or looking as if Merlin was a kicked puppy-he probably did look like one hell of a mess-if she was terrified he would cast some kind of spell that would force her to live in total damnation, or some such nonsense these normal people told themselves about sorcerer's and the like. Merlin had lucked out-it was about time his luck started working with him, and not against him-just knowing Will, the one person in the world other than his mother who accepted him. He'd been lucky to find his uncle wasn't prejudice in the least, but he was his uncle. Gaius had no obligation towards him despite their shared blood, but he had taken him into his home anyway, and was only worried Merlin's own recklessness would get him killed-which he couldn't really blame him for. But at least Gaius didn't think he was going to magic him dead in his sleep or anything awful like that.

Morgana…she had every reason in the world to leave him sitting here. Every reason in the world to walk off and never look back. Everybody would treat her as if she was a pariah if they knew she had participated in the hiding of a sorcerer. If she was wasn't the ward of the king, she'd be set to burn as if she was a magic-user herself. There was no familiar obligations in this that could have made Morgana more susceptible to keeping him hidden, not like Gaius. For Merlin to have come across another person-somebody who'd end up punished by the king himself, in some manner-if she was caught…it was more than Merlin could have ever thought would happen to somebody like him.

The freak.

The monster.

The demon.

The sorcerer…

"No, no, it's…it's fine…if you want too…" Merlin found himself stuttering, he felt too much but he didn't feel anything at all either. The illness made him numb but the growing excitement almost couldn't be contained by it. Being able to share his magic with another was most definitely not a sore subject, it was…elating, in other words. Merlin had once wished, back during his naive beginning's, that he would fall deep in love with his soon to be husband-before he knew what Arthur was like, personally-and be able to trust him enough to share his soul with him. But Morgana…she was far better than Arthur would ever hope to be. "I just…you honestly have no idea how hard it's been to keep this hidden inside of me! To keep people from finding out, it's been a bloody nightmare, I swear!"

Merlin sitting down seemed to have conserved some of his energy, because he was talking better then he had been since coming down here. A weight pressing down on him seemed to lift…what irony it was, for the king's very own ward to be so open minded about his kind. It almost gave him hope for the future, that just maybe, he wouldn't have to hide forever if Morgana could trust him. But he had no idea where to start up talking anyway? Should he tell her all about his lonely childhood, spent staring from the windows of his own hut as other children walked by until he had reached double digits, and his mother finally trusted him not to use magic in public. Or was that just too deep for a first conversation? Maybe he should explain just how dangerous it was for his kind, so she would be aware to not say anything about him accidentally? But, she was the king's ward, she had seen the executions, so she probably knew exactly what kind of danced he'd be in if discovered. Maybe he should start it up with something a bit lighter, show her a brief magic trick.

Maybe a light above his palm, something that would be small and insignificant. But a huge step to show someone that not all magic was used to hurt others.

"Well, you've been doing a good job at keeping this whole thing under wraps. I wouldn't have known at all if I wasn't watching you as closely as I have been this last day." Morgana said, with an almost relieved smile since Merlin wasn't blowing her off, or blowing up at her. And Merlin blinked at her, before leaning heavily on the wall behind him, not entirely sure how he felt about Morgana watching him. Merlin'd been so focus on Arthur, he had allowed his guard to slip, enough to have the lady notice him. This might have worked out in favor of him this time, but there was no telling who would catch him next time. He'd have to be far more aware of things like that in the future. No more of this 'getting into it' with Arthur…but he had already said things like that before, and it hadn't worked out in his favor…ever. "And hey, I know Arthur's not gay, and it's never going to happen, as I'm sure you're aware, and you can continue denying it for your own sanity, I do not blame you nor do I envy you for the position your in, but one of these days, if you continue with doing things as you've been doing…I'm sure even Arthur is going to be grateful to have you around."

Morgana nudged at his knee, looking at him with soft and sad doe eyes, as if she felt sorry for him. But the consort could only feel his brain stopping, blinking at her with a frozen expression on his face as he took in what she had just said. Merlin had no idea where he had gone wrong in this conversation, but he was sure he had gotten lost somewhere along the way. Arthur hadn't been a part of this conversation, but Morgana had thrown him into it so casually, one would think he had been in it right from the beginning.

"Errr…Arthur?" Merlin finally asked her, his smile had dropped completely, as it always seemed to do when Arthur was involved with anything. Morgana said she didn't envy him for the position he was in, but Merlin didn't know what position she meant. As Consort? It was the only position he had, but most people acted as if Merlin should be grateful for it. And what did the prince not being gay have to do with anything, Merlin knew that already. And it had absolutely no relevance to Morgana knowing he had magic. But Morgana had said his sanity was at stake…the only thing Merlin felt was messing with his sanity was this entire talk. Now, Merlin was sure at some point along the way, there'd been some kind of mistake. "I don't think I know what you're talking about…"

Morgana's smile grew even sadder, and she adjusted her legs underneath her so she was sitting in a more comfortable position, leaning against Merlin's leg on the cold stone floor. She felt sorry for the consort but if he ever needed to vent about what was going on in his life with Arthur-just like he had before they had to hide in the alcove-then she would sit there and listen to him. Merlin could try to deny things all he wanted, but Morgana was a woman. And she knew the affairs of the heart better than most. She didn't blame him…for trying to deny it, she didn't really understand why Merlin still wanted Arthur of all people, but she would support him until he got through this. Feelings were a tough thing to get around, and it must've felt like shit to still like somebody who had hurt him so much.

"I've seen the way you look at him." Morgana said in a clear tone, looking at Merlin with a raised eyebrow, as if he had any fucking idea what was going on. He was about to put together it had something to do with the prince-but Merlin could only look at her baffled-since he had no idea what she meant. Looking at him? Had Morgana been able to see the bitterness Arthur had wrecked on his soul. Could she see all the sickening lurch he felt when Arthur got to close to him? Could she see the hatred starting to brew every time Merlin had been forced to remember how stuck he was, in this city? Merlin had thought he'd been doing a much better job at hiding it…or at least, nobody seemed to care or notice rather or not he liked his new lot in life. Other than Gaius, that was. "I know that you still like him? You know, that whole crush thing you had back when you first got here…I know it's still there."

And it took Merlin a second to understand what the ever loving fuck she had just said. And there was this bubble of laughter forming in his chest, before Merlin could even try to contain it, he was laughing. Or more like the wheezing laughter, still not strong enough for him to do a full belly bursting laugh that he wanted it to be. But Merlin couldn't help it, it was probably the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard in his life. And by god, did it feel good to laugh again, even about a thing as stupid as what Morgana was suggesting. He might have been stupid at one point-giving Arthur his 'favor' had probably been one of the most awful and humiliating moments in his life-but that part of him…it was long over.

Morgana huffed, though she didn't look like she had taken much offense to Merlin's reaction, "Laugh it up all you want, Merlin. It's just another reflection so you can hide your feelings and protect yourself from that jerk hurting you again." And Merlin's laughter cut off almost abruptly as it had started, staring at her with wide eyes. Morgana had really read their entire thing wrong, if she thought that was what was going on. It wasn't like Merlin was putting on some kind of tough guy act, trying to 'protect himself' from hurt feelings. Merlin just genuinely didn't like Arthur, there wasn't anything else to it. And Morgana looking for things in the way they interacted with each other wasn't going to change that. Morgana continued talking, speaking in a tone that said 'she does know what she's talking about, so Merlin better shut up and listen up', "There aren't many people that argue like the you and Arthur were doing in the caves unless they either A. Want to see the other one dead. Or B. They like each other a bit too much. Now, since Arthur's not gay, and you've continued associating with him, and since neither of you are dead yet, I can only assume that means it is option B."

Merlin stared at her in silent horror, unable to believe that 'this' is the conclusion she had drawn. Couldn't two people just pitch a fit at each other without their being 'feeling's' involved? Not according to Morgana and her logic, at least. Plenty of people fought every live long day! It didn't mean they wanted to kiss, and cuddle, and date…or any of that sweet stuff that he'd been interested in, before Arthur had ruined it for him by making it very clear that none of this was going to be included in their future. And of course, Merlin was left looking like the sad little gay kid, in love with the straight guy who would never accept him. And Arthur got off scoff free due to his stupid straightness. That was almost like people saying guys and girls couldn't be 'just friends' without them wanting to be together. Only Merlin was gay, so he couldn't hate on the man that tormented him without their being some kind of 'feeling' involved. What kind of fucked up, extremely twisted logic was that?

"Well, what I supposed to do? You saw the way that Arthur manhandled me around, throwing me into the cave walls? Was I not supposed to fight him on that, or do you think I like him throwing me around like that or something?" Merlin snapped, his tone coming out in the frosty way that was usually reserved sorely for Arthur. But the illness kept his tongue loose, and his body pliant against the wall. And Merlin could feel an unsettled brush of goosebumps forming along parts of his skin where Arthur had been touching him when he'd been throwing him into that wall. Unpleasant, it almost felt as if bugs were crawling under his skin so he needed to scratch them away. Only, his arms were far too heavy, and all his fingers could do was twitch on either side of him. "I don't have feelings for a prat like him, just because I don't like being thrown like he was doing! Weren't you the one that was yelling while it was happening, getting on his case about it? How'd you go from yelling at him, to thinking I like him?"

It was absorbed, it was crazy, it was absolutely the worse thing that could have probably happened to Merlin. Did Arthur still think he had a crush on him? He'd better not, because Merlin had thought he had made himself very clear on what he thought about him. Especially minutes before, when Merlin took the time to stomp off down here, leaving Arthur to go do whatever it is he did after Merlin pissed him off, but was unable to put hands on Merlin for one reason or the other. Few as those reasons would be, since the consort felt as if Arthur was always trying to sear his handprints into Merlin's skin, anything to make sure Merlin never forgot what his place was around this dump.

"If it was just an isolated incident, then yes, I really would believe it was nothing but Arthur asserting his power over you. In fact, that's probably exactly what Arthur was doing. But that doesn't mean you aren't feeling something different on your end." Morgana said, as if Merlin should know exactly what he'd done to make it look anything other than the abuse that it was. Good god, Merlin was being abused by the man who had vowed to 'honor and protect him' or at least that was what their wedding vows had claimed. And Morgana over there, thought he was harboring some secret crush on a man who regularly yelled at him or demanded he be someone else, and that was before Arthur would get physical and try pushing him across the way and into walls or tables. Anything that would make him seem bigger or tougher than he was. And this was when the lady nodded her head down, while bringing Merlin's attention down as well, towards his chest. But all he saw was the thick, dark blue color of the cloak he'd been forced to wear. "For a man who's claimed to hurt Arthur, that cloak you were should've been taken off, now that you no longer have to hide your identity. I sure wouldn't be wearing anything the man gave me after what Arthur's done to you."

And to think, Morgana only knew the half of what the prince had done. The few things she had witnessed or Arthur had done publicly enough to garner a bit of attention. Maybe she thought the fight down in those caves really were an isolated incident for how rough it could get between them, thought Merlin must have found some quality in Arthur he liked if he still wore a cloak that had been forced upon him. Merlin had his stomach give a frightening lurch, and for one horrible second, Merlin had been sure that he was able to get rid of his breakfast-finally-all over the blue skirts she had surrounding her.

"It's okay, Merlin." Morgana reached out to put what she thought was a comfortable hand on his knee. If it was Arthur, he would have flinched violently, but as if was Morgana, Merlin only looked down at it as if he'd thought it was a leach, coming to feast on his rushing blood. "I don't pretend to understand what has been going on, but I'll help you move on. Sadly, we cannot just find you a new man, Uther would have his head if he thought you were cheating, and we can't subject an innocent man to this. But I'm sure if we give this a few weeks, and if I remind you of every horrible thing Arthur's done, whatever crush you have going on will fade away. And I'll keep it a secret, I doubt you'll want Arthur knowing…there's no telling what he'll do if he's gonna think every time you talk to him is some way of coming onto him…"

Morgana put a finger to her lips, as if this was just a little secret between the two of them, though there was a look of pity reflecting in her eyes. Pity for him over something that wasn't true…Merlin didn't dare try to speak, knowing nothing he could say right now would have been said in good faith. Morgana based all of this…on the fact that he was still wearing that cloak of Arthur's? He'd only worn it in the first place because he needed to hide his face, and he hadn't exactly been in a position to argue. Not when he had to get down to the caves as fast as possible, and he even knew there wasn't exactly many options for him to go with. And the only reason he hadn't thrown the thing away-Arthur probably had dozens, so he wasn't going to go through the pain of trying to return it-was because it was freezing down here. True, he knew it wasn't providing much warmth, but Merlin would end up being worse off with this illness if he didn't have some kind of protection. He would probably be down on the ground-dead to the world instead of actually being somewhat talkative-if he didn't have it as some kind of shield against the elements affecting him.

"Here, Merlin. Let's go ahead and get ou off of this dirty floor. We can talk later, whenever you feel like it, of course." Morgana said, probably thinking she was helping him as she leaned forward, grabbed onto his underarm, and started helping him to his feet. But he still didn't say a word, even if he was now leaning on her heavily, her arm going back around his waist. But Merlin could only feel the heavy weight of the box in one of his pockets, trying to weigh him back down to the floor. He better not let Morgana see it, or know it even existed. Morgana would probably just see that Merlin kept it, and it would confirm her absolutely off, and crazy theories. "Once we get you back to Gaius', and in your bed," Morgana continued crooning to him in soft and comforting tones as she led him towards the door. "You'll finally be able to relax. And put this whole day behind you."

Merlin still didn't say a word, though he was vaguely scoffing in the back of his mind. Relax? Merlin didn't know the meaning of the word 'relax'. He'd spent his entire life in the fields, digging into the dirt as it got stuck under his fingernails. Sweating under a sun far too bright. Even the few times he'd managed to run off with Will before they were caught and dragged to their work, Merlin had known relaxing wasn't possible for him. Looking over his own shoulder had started to become second nature. If Merlin wasn't worrying that somebody would somehow manage to see there was magic running in his blood, though it was impossible as sorcerer's looked no different than any other one off the street. Then he was worrying about rather or not one of the noble knights would shove him down a flight of stairs, tired of seeing his face around, when Merlin was just minding his own business. And if that wasn't it, then he was worrying rather or not the king would decide this whole facade of marriage wasn't working out as planned, and would go ahead and get him sent to the execution's platform. He was King, he probably didn't even need more than a reason than 'I want to'. And if that wasn't it, he had Arthur…

Arthur's cloak around him suddenly felt more caging then it had been before. Which was just stupid, since it was a simple piece of cloth. Better made then any Merlin had ever worn, but a cloth none the less. This cloth may be touching him like Arthur never should, it might vaguely smell of pine trees and the woods, but it wasn't like it was Arthur himself. Though it was…far more encompassing then Arthur himself actually was since…Merlin's hand twitched, wanting to tug on the string and let it fall from his neck. But his hands were numb still, a twitch was the only thing he could get it to do. Merlin blinked, trying to ignore the brimming of tears forming in his eyes when he realized…putting a barrier up between Arthur and himself, as he did just before he came down to the cells, couldn't mean one thing if he was going to accept things like this.

Merlin really was a glutton for punishment, wasn't he?

X

Merlin was actually grateful when Morgana left him at the foot of the stairs that led him up to the hall where Gaius' chambers were situated. She hadn't wanted to leave him, had wanted to escort him up the stairs and straight to his bed. Morgana had made that sound as if she was also going to tuck him into bed, if he'd had allowed her to continue up with him. But Merlin didn't allow it, that is. He fibbed his way through it, trying to explain through a stutter that he was alright now that he'd gotten some fresh air on his face. Plus, he'd said some kind of poor joke about how they should invest in getting some fireplaces or something put in each of the cells so people didn't develop frostbite before they were executed.

But Morgana had gotten the hint, and left him alone. Merlin didn't like to be alone. But it seemed to be the safer option, nowadays. At least he wouldn't have to try sleeping with Morgana sitting at his bedside, and looking terrified that he would croak in his sleep or something. And hey, at least he wouldn't have to live through the awkwardness of Morgana trying to start up a conversation about his 'supposed' crush on the prince. Because Merlin apparently had an interest in guys who shoved him around. Didn't take 'fuck no' as a suitable answer. And liked putting hands onto every piece of skin available to him, while screaming in his face…fuck his life. Merlin liked to think he had just a bit more pride in himself, then settling for somebody like that.

But that was the thing, wasn't it? Merlin didn't get a choice in settling for something like this. It had been handed to him, and he'd been told this is what he has to do. And that was that. Real romantic, right? More like bullshit, if anybody asked for Merlin's opinion. An opinion that Arthur didn't want to hear, or care about. As long as Merlin played his role…and what a stupid, sick role it was. Nobles were a completely different species, making these kinds of connections because they had to, rather then it being what the could had wanted it to be. Marriage should be for love, and any person who said it wasn't was a sad…bitter…person…maybe that was Merlin now though. Sad and bitter, to the core.

But hey, Merlin thought grudgingly as he started his slow and painful walk up the stairs to Gaius', at least Morgana didn't actually know his secret. That would give him one less thing to worry about. Or maybe he wanted to be worried about it, just so he could get a break from Arthur. Maybe Merlin wanted to be stress about another person knowing him better then other people did, stress about rather or not Morgana would actually keep it to herself if she knew the truth. But it was one more thing that wasn't meant to be, and the consort knew better then to start something up spur of the moment, and blurt it out to her. He would need a clear head to know that wasn't a good idea. And all of the risks would be far worse than Merlin accepting his lot in life…there was every chance in the world he knew, that she was going to react badly.

But if one wanted to look on the brighter side, which was a rare occurrence for the young consort, he was at least feeling better. Not perfect, he'd been down in the cells for far too long-allowing Morgana to distract him instead of hurrying out like he should of done but at least he no longer felt as if he was verging into the door of death. Was that really such a bad place to be though? Most people would probably say yes, and be considering Merlin even more of a freak for not being as freaked out as he probably should be. But all other people weren't Merlin, and they didn't know what he was going through. But anyway, Merlin was only just a little bit stiff, which made his walking slower, taking more time then it probably should.

He still made it to the top of the stairs, with his hand planted on the wall to hood himself steady, and that's the place where his mood instantly soured. As if the consort wasn't already irritable. But the sight before him somehow made it so much more worse then his annoyance was mere moments before.

Gregory.

Knight Gregory was still standing outside of his door, like some kind of vigilant protector. Was Arthur ever a man of his word? Because he had hoped Gregory would have been long gone so he wouldn't have to deal with such things on his own. But no. Arthur had once again left him to his own devices, and probably thought there wasn't anything Merlin could, or would, be able to do about the knight. Though Merlin had to admit, it took some determination, to stand there all day long. Protecting the empty room Merlin took the time to escape from each and every day…but Merlin was getting really sick of climbing out his window to get just a breath of fresh air whenever he wanted it.

Fucking fine, Merlin demanded, a spike of anger that curled in his gut upsetting most of the colder effects left behind from the cells. If Arthur wasn't planning to keep his fucking word-which he never did, it was as if every word out of his mouth was another lie that the consort was forced to figure out and decipher all on his own-then Merlin would just do it for him. And the prince would have no one to blame but himself, even if he would probably find a way to pin this onto Merlin himself. But who gave a crap. Arthur needed to learn that when he said something, Merlin expected for the following through, part of the equation.

"Gregory." Merlin called as soon as he reached by the other man. His voice felt scratchy, coming out with a bit of pain. The damage done to him in the caves was worse then it had been the last time, and Merlin was only able to hope the side effects lingering was going to start fading the longer he was out. The knight was leaping to attention the second Merlin had came into view, though really, that was almost impossible when one considered how stiff the other man had been to begin with. Merlin wasted no time with saying exactly what he wanted, "While your services as my one sole guard has been greatest appreciated, I don't think I'll need one anymore. Pass the word along to all of your friends, the king shall be announcing tomorrow that the sickness has passed on. Which means I am once again free to walk around without people getting me effected." Merlin figured that sounded almost to be consort enough…it was far more elaborate then he'd usually speak. But that was enough being consort for the day, he was ready to be just Merlin now. Which is why he nodded his head down towards the stairs in indication, "You can go now."

Merlin didn't exactly know rather or not the king was going to be pissed that he'd spread the word before he could make the announce. But if he wanted to go ahead and kill him, then Merlin would be right here to wait for him. Dying fast was better than the slow and horrible death Arthur was giving him, his soul starting to begin too raw to the touch. Even in the wake of his victory with Gwen's, things felt as if they were far too much. It hurt to breath. It hurt to live. It would hurt for him to even do the things he used to enjoy before he came to Camelot: he couldn't even take a stroll in the woods before he was sure he'd be followed before he was taken out of the equation by some of those more overzealous fans of Arthur's. But the one thing he felt he could probably do, was getting rid of Gregory, and freezing up his safe space without this knight trying to destroy it. Gregory wasn't the worse knight Merlin could have been landed with, but anybody right now, wearing the colors of Camelot, was enough to get his nerve endings tingling.

A raw soul…everything wanted to set him off.

"Sire! I could not possibly just go, I was placed here on the prince's orders. I cannot just leave without his specific permission." Gregory stated in his normally gruff tone. Merlin wasn't surprised at all to hear that, the people obviously had more loyalty and respect to Arthur then Merlin. And that was okay, Merlin wasn't expecting anything else. Tom may have been dumb enough to grant him the loyalty of himself and Gwen, but Merlin was still the stranger in the midst. And he had no business standing here, bossing around the subject's of Camelot. Merlin would be happy to go back to ignoring Gregory, and pretending he wasn't watching and waiting for Merlin to try making off with his next escape, and wondering how long it would be before the knight discovered how Merlin was doing it all. But Arthur had made it his business when Merlin had returned and saw that Gregory was still standing at his door, and something needed to be done about that. "And just because the sickness is over, as you said it is, doesn't mean that there aren't any situation that will require my attention. You are out consort my lord, and those with such close ties to the royals are often considered the picking of choice for sudden assassination attempts."

Merlin wasn't buying it, that wasn't the first time he'd heard of this assassination spiral going off. And yeah, maybe it was a real concern, considering how many people snubbed their noses at him. But there's been a great 'lack' of murder attempts on him personally in the time he'd been in Camelot. But there had been at least two person attacks on Arthur himself, and one on his kingdom. It made far more sense for Gregory to be protecting him, rather then Merlin. Besides, if he was killed off during the next few days, Merlin was suspecting it would be a crime of passion. Somebody wanting to free Arthur of the peasant boy ruining his reputation all over the kingdom just by existing. Not somebody that went around liking people because it was his job, and he'd been paid a fortune to do away with him. Merlin wasn't that important, though some people might disagree, considering his new status in life.

"Well, Gregory, is somebody does plan on killing me off in my sleep tonight and sneaks into my chambers, I am sure I'll win them over with my sweet, charming personality." Merlin said with an almost sweet smile, though he did imagine he wouldn't put up much of a fight if somebody did break in. He should be happy, with Gwen's freedom and all, but apparently what bit of happiness he felt was short lived. He even thought saving Gwen would have been like saving himself, or would stop the dark thoughts always creeping along the edges of his mind. But no, they were still there, it didn't look as if they were going away anything soon.

But Gregory leaving would definitely give him a brief moment of peace, before he fell back in between the cracks of life. Unnoticed. Unseen. And waiting for the crushing blow that would end him. Sooner, he hoped, rather than later. There was only so much Merlin was able to rely on Gaius, Gwen and Morgana to be these brief spots of light in his life before he started feeling as if he was a burden to even them. Them who didn't know the worse of what was going on. Then, who did not know one of the many reasons Merlin had thrown himself into finding out how to save Gwen: other then his own guilt, was because he didn't want to lie down in the dark. Awake all night, doing nothing but having his thoughts wonder to deeper and darker paths with nothing but the night as company.

Gregory didn't seem to find his sardonic humor to be all that funny, and only blinked at him confused. And not moving away from standing in his position in front of the door. Merlin let a breath of hot air escape him in frustration, "I've got an idea, Gregory. Why don't I just go inside and yet," Merlin managed to move one of his hands in an aborted gesture somewhere that was behind him, though his fingers were still stiff so they wouldn't close far enough for him to jut out his thumb behind him instead. "Can go and see that I'm not the only one saying you will be better suited in a position that's more fulfilling than standing outside of my door. Just go and check with the warden, so you know you aren't going to get in trouble for 'ditching' your duty and whatnot. I'm sure he will be more then happy to fill you in on everything that's been going on in the last few hours."

Merlin had alternative reasons for telling Gregory to go and see the prince. What better way was there, to show Arthur that Merlin wasn't going to allow him to lie to him. If he said he was going to get rid of Knight Gregory's presence, then Merlin would damn well be sure he kept it. Now, maybe Arthur just hadn't gotten around to it yet, it had only been an hour or so since Merlin had stormed away from him, and down to the cells. But Merlin had developed an impatient streak lately, and taking care of this should have been that prat's first priority. By Merlin sending Gregory to the prince, it was sending him a message, and telling the arsehole that Merlin had taken care of things himself. He didn't need to wait for Arthur to decide when he'd take care of it.

"The…warden…sire?" Gregory asked, sounding as if he didn't know what Merlin was talking about, but the consort didn't blame him for that. He doubted there were many people around that referred to the prince as a warden. But then again, what else would Merlin call him? The man watched his every move, he even ordered other people to watch his every move so he wouldn't have to. Wanted to control what he did, or where he did it, or what he wore, or what he should be allowed to have. Merlin was monitored during his every movement, just like one would be if they were a prisoner. And if Merlin didn't put a stop to it now, he's sure it was going to get worse. How long would it be before Arthur posted a guard inside, would they try to watch him as he slept? Or use the chamber pot? It was never going to happen, if Merlin had anything to say about it.

"Obviously, I'm talking about Arthur." Merlin said, with a grudging tone, before he headed to the door. There was a brief moment of embarrassment where he had to use his elbow more than his hand to push the door open since he couldn't wrap his fingers around the handle. But it worked out anyway, and Merlin shut the door in Gregory's face, hoping he would listen to him and go see Arthur.