A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

108. Chapter 108

The second Merlin stepped through the door and out to the empty hallway, each step feeling as if he was waiting for the explosion one would cause after stepping into a live minefield, Arthur-who had been impatiently holding the door opened for him-slammed it shut with this loud bang. Enough of a bang that it caused Merlin to flinch as his ears reverberated sharply as the sound rattled him to the core. But the noise still shaking with the deep depth of his eardrums, didn't stop Consort Merlin Pendragon from trying to make his grand escape.

Merlin started speed walking down the length of the hall as fast as he could, eyes darting everywhere as he tried in vain to find a secondary hallway. Or anyplace that was sufficiently big enough for him to dunk into-possible one of the many alcoves that would decorate different areas of the castle? But it was very likely if Merlin ended up in that route, Arthur would find him quiet easily. And it was a place that would have been very easy to trap him into, leaving Merlin the unwilling prisoner as Arthur threw one of his mighty fits down upon him.

But this was all a moot point, anyway. The hallway they were in was completely bare of any other exits, though it did have many tapestries and sandstone walls and vases meant only for decorative purposes decorating it up and down. None of which, was going to help Merlin get away from Arthur. Get away…get away…get away…get himself away from the wicked prince who wanted to rein his own version of hell down upon him just because Merlin would never be good enough to be his consort. As if the blond prince had thought Merlin had 'asked' to be his consort instead of it being forced on him and had only been able to disappoint him along the way.

"And where the hell do you think you're going?" Arthur's voice was right behind him, close enough that the small consort could feel his breath as it danced along the shell of his ear. Merlin flinched with startled surprise, and his brain became shocking still as the endorphins of tension and fear rushed through his system. Merlin had became used to those emotions, had started associating them to Arthur's presence. Merlin could play a cool game with it sometimes, but other times…Merlin allowed his emotion to get the best of him. Like now. He been so busy trying to find his escape route, that he hadn't noticed the other man stomping after him-moving much faster then Merlin had been-until he was practically right on top of him. "I do hope you don't think you could run away from me? I'll tell you right now, there is absolutely no place that you'll go, that I won't be able to find you!"

Arthur had sounded as cocky as hell, the cockiness that swirled neatly within his rage. He made it sound as if he was good at hunting his prey down, searching through the high grass and the low until he finally got his hands pressed hotly against what he had been chasing. Until…he got his hands pressed tightly along Merlin's body, up and down the consort's ribcage as he morphed Merlin to what he wanted him to be. His touch could have felt like a brand, a hot iron poker that burned through his clothes and sent hot fire pain across his bare skin until he finally got the results he wanted from Merlin. The living doll he had been trying to craft, chipping away again and again, at Merlin's soul until there was nothing left of the old him again. Until he had nothing left to live for…and maybe he would even be given the matching strings to make him a live marionette doll. One string wrapped around his wrist and his ankle, a matching string on the second set of his bodily limbs. One around his knee, and his other knee as well as his waist. The final one being tied around the frail skin of his throat. Pulled taunt only with the discretion of his puppet master, his Arthur…behind the controls. With strings so tight around him, Merlin could relax within the hold and still not fall, his movements and actions forever dictated by his puppet master, his mouth staying closed with no strings around to control his tongue.

And when Arthur-only ever Arthur-deemed he had done his job, he could clip away the strings. Leaving Merlin to fall to the floor, staring up at the ceiling with dead eyes while he was being thrown into a room somewhere that he didn't know. Until Arthur was ready for him again, till he was ready for Merlin to once again put on the perfect performance he wanted from him. Rinse, and repeat, all over again. And again. And again. Until Merlin no longer flinched in his presence, or stared at him with sorrowful blue eyes, or wondered how this had became the life he was meant to live. Because dolls didn't blink, they didn't think on their own. Their only mission in life is being able to pretend, and make their masters happy with whatever performance that had pictured in their minds.

The castle was his stage, where Merlin's performance would matter the most. Arthur his master, the decider of when and where Merlin had to perform. And there was a number of rooms he could be locked away in until it was time for his next show. A consort that only emerged with his strings already being prepared for him, when he was ready to show their guests how perfect the royal family of Camelot really was. And Arthur's big hulking form just behind him, always behind him like a shadow, poking at his limbs an prodding at his face until he could pass for the Perfect Living Doll. There really was nowhere Merlin would be able to go that Arthur couldn't find him. There was only a castle shaped like a maze, and Merlin the rat forever trying to claw his way out.

"But hey, why should I be surprised that you're trying to make a break for it? You're never where I need you to be to begin with! Ordering chicken when you needed to be in your rooms, the room I graciously allowed you to keep against my better judgment! Bursting in my rooms when you should knock. Wondering around among other parts of the castle you shouldn't be in…" Arthur started up one of his many lectures. He didn't seem to notice Merlin as he leaned away when the prince rounded around him to pace in front of him. Walking back and forth against the width of the hallway aggressively, not looking back when his consort lowered his eyes placidly to the floor, being a doll for Arthur's rage. "I mean, I have got to wonder after all these months, are you just trying to think of stuff that you can start? Or are you that absolutely stupid, and just think none of the rules of this kingdom applies to you as it does everybody else!"

Merlin blinked, lowering his head further in shame, even if he didn't know specifically what it was that Arthur had worked himself in such a tizzy over. He had his hands so folded one over the other, clamped tightly together, not even he would have been able to tell the difference what hand was his left and the other his right. This…this was what Merlin had been hoping he could avoid by running off. The second Arthur had shut those doors behind the two of them, the tension in the air had shot up until the consort couldn't breathe without feeling it trying its best to coat every inch of his lungs. He should have ran when he had the chance…not this stupid fast walk he had tried to do. To make himself look less scared then he actually was…he should have took off and dealt with the rage of the prince at another time. Where he would have had a moment to breathe instead of going from Uther's threat to Arthur's rage.

"I mean, I know that this 'Ealdor', you lived in was most likely not the best example of what is and what will not ever be appropriate behavior, but surely even you could tell what you did there was completely bull headed…and in front of my father, no less!" Arthur continued on with his lecture, gesturing towards Merlin with these violent hand motions, as if he didn't know what exactly he was going to do next. Where Before Merlin would have gone up in arms the second Arthur's unworthy mouth started to say one word about his home, After Merlin didn't say a word. This should have been the biggest indicator to Arthur that something was wrong-especially after how the consort had reacted the last time Arthur had said a word against Ealdor-but the prince knew so little of the man he was married too, it wasn't even a blimp on his radar. Arthur only continued to pace, bringing his eyes to the ground and muttering harshly under his breath, "Stupid, stupid, stupid…"

Merlin's shoulders shuttered, and he almost felt as if he was choking from the lump in his throat, trying to hold back the sobs that were trying to force it's way out of him. He knew the second the first son escaped him, he would not be able to stop. He would breakdown, and he would do it rather or not Arthur was there, and he would cry and cry and cry until he had nothing else left to cry himself to sleep with. He could feel the redness trying to form under his eyes, and anybody worth their salt would have known Merlin was anything but okay.

'Stupid, stupid, stupid', seemed to be banging itself into the walls of his mind, again and again until this was the only thing he could hear. It ached, like nails were trying to break his mind open. It wasn't the first time the other man had called Merlin some variation of stupid. You're a moron, or an idiot, or you need to stop doing this or that because nobody sane would….whatever variation he had used, it all meant the same thing. But for some odd and strange reason, it seemed to sting more than it ever had before. Maybe Merlin was just raw, and was having a far more emotional day then he usually did, and everything was getting under his skin more effectively.

"I cannot believe you seriously had the gall to ask King Bayard about magic…you are just so lucky my father's law doesn't extend to merely mentioning that accursed word!" Arthur bellowed, whipping around to glare back at Merlin as he reached the first of his complaints. The consort stiffened his shoulders, eyes widening only one fraction, though he didn't look up from the ground. The consort should have known that was coming…he'd been stupid to allow his excitement over the word and being able to hear different laws get the best of him. Camelot had those with magic being executed, and those within the boarders back home were forced to fight wars with Cenred's name on their lips…he had wanted to find out what Mercia's stand on the matter was. Though he could not imagine it was much different, maybe it would have been a somewhat easier life if he had grown there. But it didn't matter, because Arthur was actually right, he was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid…the word carving itself as if it was a bran all it's own along his ribcage. Embedding itself in his skin for all to see, for him to never forget how stupid he was. "I'm surprised my father didn't burn you on the spot! After what had happened to Gwen just last month, you would think you would have learned to tread a bit more carefully, making sure not to do anything that could invoke my father's ire. He will look for any excuse he can for us to be rid of you, you know that!"

Merlin let out a gasp, head whipping up to reveal just how vibrant blue his eyes were. The wetness in them were making the orbs glisten, the red underneath his eyes making them almost glow. But Arthur didn't notice, not bothering to spare Merlin another glance as he kept up his pace, going back and forth from one wall of the hallway to the next. And Merlin…Merlin followed him with his eyes, unable to believe Arthur had really just thrown Gwen into his face like that. No…Merlin could believe the prince had no heart, and saw nothing wrong with putting what had happened to Gwen right in front of him.

The consort's face seemed to go a shade paler as the blood drained from his cheeks, and he shakily lowered his eyes back to the ground so he could only see when Arthur paced past him, by his feet. To think…Arthur did not even know the whole story that had gone on during those days. He didn't know Merlin had placed a poultice under the pillow of Gwen's father so he would be able to recover from the sickness. He didn't know Merlin had a panic attack shortly after finding out Gwen had just got arrested for something he had done. He didn't know the week had been one of the worse weeks that he'd been forced to endure.

But he did know that Merlin had suffered, he knew that Merlin had spent countless hours running around like a madman all over this castle trying to find a solution. The prince knew Merlin had made a deal with the king, and it had involved betting his own life to give Gwen back all of the freedom that had been taken from her. He knew that it was his father-how could Arthur even stand to look at the man after what he had done-who had gone back on their deal and had tried to have Merlin executed anyway. He knew Merlin had snuck around this castle just to get to him, had stabbed him in the hand with a quill-and he probably still had the scar on the back of his hand if the consort dared to look close enough-just to get Arthur to pay attention long enough to come with him. He knew it had been the beast that had almost killed them all, and while he didn't know it was Merlin who had lit it on fire, he did know Merlin had enough forethought to think on a few things…and made sure to take the beast's head to the castle with them. And he knew Merlin had risked all of it, just to bring Uther the head of the beast.

But Arthur had still thrown it into his face. As if he didn't know what a mess it had been. As if he didn't realize the consort's best times were when Gwen had been sitting at his bedside when his depression had hit the worse. It had been rough, and Merlin had barely even noticed she was there half the time, but when he did…he was more grateful then anything. As much as Merlin hated for the handmaiden to see him in that state, at least Gwen had still been there to see him in that state. It was far better then the alternative would have been, with all her ashes being dumped in some nowhere pit so her father could not even bury them someplace.

"Honestly, do you want our treaty to end with having the King of Mercia watch, as you are being the next one that is burned at the stake? You think we want our kingdom to have the reputation that we burn our consorts?" Said the prince, turning around to nearly roar this in front of Merlin's face. Arthur sounded more like a parent who'd just cause the village man whore trying to sneak out of his teenage daughter's bedroom, rather then a partner who was meant to care for Merlin's wellbeing. And once again, Arthur only care about his reputation, rather then the anguish Merlin was suffering. To anybody else, this yelling may have sounded as if Arthur cared and he was only worried that the consort was taking his safety for granted. But Merlin knew better. "I'd have thought you'd be smarter then this? Or are you only smart when you're pulling off one of your little stunts to stop it when there is people dying involved?"

Merlin was nearly trembling by the time Arthur finished off his rant, the prince stopping long enough for him to take a deep breath-Merlin didn't think Arthur had been stopping long enough to breathe properly in between his sentences…maybe Merlin was just punishing himself by allowing this treatment. Or maybe Merlin truly felt like he had no other choice, meant to endure as he tethered on the edge of the tightrope he was balancing on. And the consort could see it already…if things somehow did end up going wrong with this treaty…Arthur would be ready to place the blame directly at Merlin's feet. What did the consort have to do…would could he do…just to have his own husband treat him like a human being instead of his verbal punching bag. Nothing…because Merlin was just a peasant boy, and not even saving the kingdom from its own doom had been enough to calm people's temper as it came to him.

"Well," Arthur suddenly snapped, and there he was right in front of Merlin, getting into his space and jerking their faces close together as he leaned in. Merlin jolted back in surprise, and nearly fell over-body still felt as if it was shaking violently-in his attempts to get away. The blond once again didn't seem to notice, throwing his arms up in the air when Merlin didn't immediately give an answer to the question he hadn't even asked. "I want you to give me an actual answer? Are you so dumb that you actually think you can risk asking about magic so freely, or are you under the impression that your status protects you from being burnt?"

Merlin sucked in a ragged breath threw his teeth, trying to think but god…it felt as if his head was about to burst as the thumping inside of it seemed to intensify. Hurts…it was a sign telling him to abandon everything, and his magic was even snuffled down into a tight ball inside of his chest, trying to hide from Arthur's anger. How did he get so pathetic, able to move things with one flick of his wrist, and yet cowering in front of one man as if he was a scared babe. But knowing he was pathetic, and being able to do something about it, would always be two very different things.

"…I…I'm…I'm both…"Merlin stuttered, barely able to think straight as he tried to suck in breath after breath, even if his lungs felt as if they were shrinking in on him. He was sure the lump in his throat had gotten bigger, feeling like it was a grapefruit that was starting to block off what air he was trying to force down his esophagus. But then the consort could see the way Arthur's eyes narrowed harsh on him, though it was hazy with the sting of tears he had threatening to start flowing down his cheeks. He knew it had been the wrong thing to say, and he started up with a bad stutter to figure out the answer Arthur wanted to hear from him. Any answer, as long as it got Arthur to go away. Merlin had come far from the boy who just barely a month ago, had sworn to rein hellfire down on the man if he ever tried to 'strike him down.' "Neither? I mean…its …I…I don't know…"

But each answer only seemed to make the expression on Arthur's face darkened, like a shadowy demon that was preparing to eat his soul. Merlin wanted to bring his hands up, and clench two large handfuls of hair jut to be able to feel the pain as small strands were being pulled out of him. But he could barely get his fingers to twitch closed, let along clench hard enough to do what he had wanted them to do. And his head was still pounding, the consort could barely even remember what the question was, and had only been spitting random words with the hope that one of them would have been enough that it'd soothe the roaring beast that had been awaken inside of Arthur.

"You don't know which it is?" Arthur demanded hotly, as he got into Merlin's face again. Merlin backed away, and jolted in surprise when he ran into thus small decorative situated against the wall. The vase on top of it started to wobble dangerously, threatening to topple over before it would shatter upon contact on the ground. Into a million different pieces, and Merlin could vaguely recognized he had no chance of affording even one of the glass shards it would make. But the vase settled, averting one of the consort's many crisis', but doing absolutely nothing with the crisis directly in front of him. "I honestly thought you were a bit smarter than that! But you're not, are you? All that stuff you've done…discovering Valiant and finding that monster…what? Was it all just dumb luck?"

For Merlin, it really had all been dumb luck. He would've never figured out what Valiant was doing, and would've had no time to practice his spell work, if he hadn't taken the time to duck into the armory that night. Trying to do what he could to escape the situation he was in with the kitchen matron first attacking him over his ring, had him finding the shield with the hissing snakes on it. And the consort would have never been able to free Gwen out of her cell, and figure out what was causing the sickness if he hadn't gone down into the tunnels with Gaius to get water samples that day. But according to Arthur's logic, it was apparent that Merlin couldn't be both smart and lucky.

Valiant would have never been stopped if Merlin hadn't snuck into his rooms-at great risk to himself, since that man had already assaulted him once by that point-and taken a head off one of the snakes to bring to Arthur as proof. The Monster in the water would have never been stopped if Merlin hadn't sought the great dragon to get answers, and w would have never been stopped if Merlin worked out a semi-plan that fell right into place once he got Arthur to come with them. All things somebody with a mind, and the guts to go along with it, needed if they were going to accomplish half of what Merlin had done in the last three months he'd been in the city. But Merlin couldn't see any of the good he'd done, the only thing in Merlin's sight was his failures.

Valiant would have never gotten the chance to assault him in the first place-would have never followed him up to his royal chambers to torment him further-if he had left the second the other man had arrived. Instead of the consort being the idiot that he was, and lingering while he edged his way to the door, only unknowingly enticing the man even further. Things during the sickness would have never escalated as harshly as they had-and Gwen wouldn't be dealing with trauma for probably the rest of her life-if Merlin had listened when Gaius had told him to use magic for a cruel was a bad idea. Because as Merlin had learned…magic couldn't fix everything. It couldn't fix what had happened back then, and it couldn't get the prince out of his face now.

"Good god, I'm actually surprised this didn't turn out so much worse." Arthur grunted, talking more to himself as he brought up a hand to pinch harshly at the bridge of his nose, looking as if he was begging for the strength to deal with Merlin. Merlin only looked away, blinking his eyes rapidly to try and push back the tears that flooded them all over again, but it only made him feel as if there was more emerging and any second now could cause it to spill over. Arthur suddenly let out a startled gasp and whipped his head up, he was looking at Merlin in horror, as if a thought had suddenly occurred to him. "Merlin-" his voice wavered. "I'm going to ask you something, so I need you to be completely honest with me right now."

Merlin sucked in a breath, his insides quivering while he struggled to stay as still as possible…maybe if he could just stand there, Arthur would get bored with fussing at him over his own stupidity and wonder off so he would be able to torment somebody else. But now Arthur was asking him something else…he had already screwed up the last time he talked, unable to answer one question…he couldn't even string a simple sentence together. The new question only made his anxiety shoot their the roof, and he leaned further against the decorative table that was pressing against the top curve of his bottom. Hands flying down to wrap his palms around the curve of it and digging his nails into the wood. Merlin could feel a single droplet of sweat making a trail, slow, down the curve of his spine.

Arthur raised his hand, looking as if he was playing with the idea of dropping it on Merlin's shoulder, to impact on him just how important his next question would be after his tone had taken a more serious note. Merlin bit down on his lip, wanting to feel the blood pooling underneath his teeth as he leaned further into the table, eyes it as if it was a viper again. Already, Merlin could feel what was a phantom sensation, a burn across his shoulder where Arthur's hand would land if he touched him. Was able to feel the indentions of the table's edge forming along the top of his tailbone from how hard he was trying to move away without drawing attention to himself. Merlin would only be surprised that the table itself hadn't started up a low screeching sound as it was pushed across the floor.

But in the end, Arthur only dropped his hand down to his side, Merlin's eyes following it to make sure the threat it was, would stay away from him. Apparently, the man did not fancy touching him either. But Merlin's anxious relief only lasted a second before Arthur started to talk again, the sound of his voice enough to make the tension that brewed inside of Merlin twist just like a coiled spring. "I need to know if you asking about magic was simply just a…lapse in judgement, we can call it, that you made in a spur of the moment. Or…is it something you actually find an…interest…in…"

Arthur looked pained when he asked this, and looked as if he was holding his breath as he waited for his consort to answer the question. His consort though, felt as if any air he still had lingering in his lungs, had just been pulled out through his throat and excited his lips as the bottom lip he'e chewed raw, popped out from between Merlin's two front teeth. This…this would be the ideal moment to tell Arthur that he wasn't only interested in magic. That he'd had magic all his life, and could do things the blond had only dreamed about. Nightmare seems most likely, when magic was concerned, but dreams nonetheless. It …it would end his suffering? It was even something that Merlin should have done when he'd first told the council he had magic when he'd been vying for Gwen's freedom. He could use it to throw the stupid flowery vase on the table behind him across the room, a simple magic trick he did not even need a spell for, but would definitely end up causing a stir.

And for a moment, Merlin really was tempted to do it. He was prepared to let everything go, and allow Arthur, his husband, to be the conquering hero by dragging him to the king's throne room. He'd done all of this before, just how many times had he thought of offering himself and his secret before the king or prince so there wouldn't be any denying what he was. How many times had he spent imagining the execution's noose being tied around a frail throat he called his own. Or how he could imagine what his burnt flesh would smell like after allowing the flames to take him, swallowing the stake he was tied too within mere moments of the torch hitting the dry wood. And he was being presented with an opportunity to go through with it…it was far easier to ignore what he was wanting, when he didn't have the choice directly ahead of him.

But in the end…there was something that held the small consort back from spilling his truth straight to the blond haired prince. He didn't know if it was because he really did have a single shred of self preservation still lingering in him-if he did, he didn't know where it was, buried into his soul under layers and layers of depression, it would take a decade for him to wade through it all. Or if it was because of something deeper…his mother, perhaps? He didn't know if the Royal Family would bother informing her after her sorcerer son had passed, but if they did-if only for Uther to gloat-…he didn't want her to feel any of the pain he was going through. Though maybe it would be a bit odd for him to think she cared enough that she would mourn the son who had spent his entire life only causing her worry. Maybe Camelot had skewed him up so bad if he thought she wouldn't mourn him…

"No…I don't…" Merlin stuttered, and he watched as the prince let loose a breath of relief. As if he had prepared himself for the worse, and Merlin's weak words were the best outcome Arthur could have hoped for. But Merlin's words had sounded hollow to his own ears, and he was surprised the other man had believed him to begin with. Merlin wouldn't have believed it, if their places had been reversed and Merlin was the hard headed prince whose only mission in life was to make Arthur-the sorcerer and consort in this messed up false universe he had crafted in his head for this brief second-feel as if he was lower then even the dirt he walked on.

"Good, good…this is good, that's one less problem I'd be forced to deal with." Arthur said, once again talking only to himself, as if Merlin wasn't standing right in front of him, mentally begging for the earth to explode because at least it meant Arthur really would have other things to deal with then just him. But when the earth didn't start erupting at that very minute, the consort simply bowed his head silently, waiting for Arthur to dismiss him. He'd already tried running once…but…anyway, Merlin's chest was feeling as hollow as it always did when he was stuck in Arthur's presence. Because of course, the one thing that seemed to make Arthur pleased with him…was the consort denying who he was. The one thing that would make him feel whole, and Arthur could have only seen his magic as if it was a curse. People would only be able to see the magic itself, and never the person that stood wielding it. "At least we know there's some kind of sense going around in your head."

Merlin flinched, but Arthur didn't seem to notice as he was already looking away from him. Merlin squeezed his eyes shut tightly, feeling the wet clumps he spent all this time calling his eyelashes, pressed snug against the thin hallow of his gaunt cheeks. Arthur's words had been one more phrase-different words, it may be-but it would also mean the same thing Arthur had been saying about him. Stupid. He was always stupid. He should know better to even mention magic, should know better then to go and draw attention to himself, should…should just know how to do better! About anything and everything. He should know…he should know…he should know that he couldn't handle this anymore. Couldn't handle any of it…

"Please…" the heart broken whimper wretched itself out of Merlin's throat, half resembling a sob as he brought up his hands to clench around his ears, digging his nails into the topmost curve of the lobe. Merlin didn't think he had ever said please to Arthur before, he didn't think he had ever been reduced to this, but here he was. Begging for Arthur to stop. Begging for Arthur to leave him alone just this once. Begging for some kind of reprieve from all of it. Merlin had never begged any of his tormentors for relief before, and yet, he was doing it in front of the last person on the planet that he should be. "Just…I need to …I need you to stop."

This was probably the first time Merlin had ever asked for from Arthur. Sure, there had been other things here and there, but whenever he had asked for something-to have Arthur come with him, or believe him, or leave him alone…it hadn't felt as if he had needed it then, as much as he did now. He was teetering on the edge of this cliff, and one wrong move from Arthur would shove him right over the edge. And the problem was…Merlin didn't know when that tipping point was going to happen. He didn't know if it was going to happen now, or if he would make it though this somehow. But another encounter like this …he had gotten to the end of his rope. And Arthur might as well be seconds away from shoving him off the damn cliff on his own.

Merlin kept his eyes squeezed shut, made sure he kept his hands clamped tightly over his ears to try and tune the other prince out if he started again…he didn't know if Arthur recognized why his eyelashes were damp. Or if he saw the unhealthy whiteness of his skin. Didn't know if Arthur was finally recognizing the hitching of his harsh breath as he tried to focus on the sound of his heartbeat to keep his mind steady…ba bump, ba bump, ba bump… anything to keep his mind from fractioning to levels that he didn't know if he would ever come back from when it finally tipped over. But he did know one thing for sure… Arthur Pendragon didn't care enough to bother looking.

And asking him to stop only seemed to make the inner beast instead of the prince roar to life…

"Stop what! I'm not doing anything to you!" Arthur was bellowing out in a loud shout, throwing his hands up into the air as if to show Merlin his hands were nowhere near him. So he couldn't start anymore of that 'wow is me' he liked to peddle. But Merlin only trembled, shrinking in on himself further as he hunched his shoulders in, trying to find the best position he would need to be in to protect his organs from any sudden shoved or pushes or hits…it was all muscle memory from the months of torment he'd been enduring. Arthur only shook his head with the sight and giving a loud 'tut' sound with his teeth, "Oh, will you just stop all of that already! What, is this you trying to do another show? The one you gave inside those chambers weren't enough for you, so now you're trying to play like you're the victim or something?"

Arthur shook his head ruefully-he didn't even know why he was so agitated. Sure, there'd been a few things that he needed to discuss with Merlin to make sure it wasn't going to happen the next time they needed him. But his reaction would have seemed over the top to most, more reasonable people. But when Merlin never did whatever it was he was told, sometimes Arthur just needed to yell to get the message through to him. And even then, that barely worked.

But anyway, Merlin's little act of subversion wasn't going to fool him. If he wanted to act like this weak little baby, then let him. Honestly, the slimmer boy actually looked as if he was shaking! Who shook like that! Maybe one of the lesser knights when they had gotten onto a bad side of his and he ended up yelling at them because a stupid mistake they made during training could have just taken off somebody's head. And all because they had tried to show off, as if they were playing some kind of game and not training to protect their kingdom in case the worse of the worse tried to happen. Invasions…attacks….going on missions or raids that took them outside the wall that protected the main city. And then…there was Merlin, and Arthur hadn't even shown him the worse side of himself yet. Acting like a complete girl, overreacting to all Arthur did…absolutely pathetic.

"I'm not…I'm not…" Merlin started to stutter, using all his strength to try and spit the words out past his tongue. A tongue that felt as if it had swollen and it was too big for his mouth, though he knew it was only inside his head. A cold day in hell it must have been, for Merlin to have fell into a state such as this, where he couldn't even get the words out. The prince himself made a huge show out of rolling his eyes, making Merlin shrink in on himself again feeling as if he was nothing but a bother, left wishing he was able to literally shrink himself until he was so small, Arthur's naked eye would have never been able to see it was him standing there. "…not a vict-"

Merlin trying to protest, ended abruptly when the prince scoffed loudly, cutting him off. It had been Merlin's huge moment to try and assert himself in front of his husband but…Arthur's dismissive nature had Merlin clamping his mouth shut. Any brief hint of a fight Merlin had tried his darn hardest to force out, seemed to have withered and died. The consort leaned against his table, and returned his eyes subtly to the ground. Stupid, stupid, stupid…he had been stupid to even try. And the only thing he could do was curse at himself for thinking 'this' was a moment where he could prove he wasn't as weak as he'd been.

Merlin returned his bottom lip in between his teeth, and sucked on the flesh so harshly and severely that he was able to feel the sting. And it Hurt. He had chewed on the piece of flesh so throughly already, that he could feel all of the little cuts and marks he'd made. Each one stinging more than the last one did. But it only made Merlin suck all that much harder, needing to feel the anguish of pain -physical pain-that was caused only by himself. He had already abused the tenderized piece of flesh, what was a bit more…besides, it was the only bit of self-harm that Merlin would allow himself to do in front of Arthur. How was he supposed to know biting his lip was going to just start up another fight, when Arthur's eyes dropped onto his mouth.

"…And that's another thing," Arthur growled out sharply, watching as Merlin continued his act by jerking harshly against the table he was leaning on, making the vase go to wobbling again before it settled back down. And the prince watched as Merlin's lip popped back out between his teeth, the flesh looking swollen as if he had just been throughly kissed, the life sucked out of him because of it being so good. Arthur's eyes narrowed on it sharply, the flesh all wet and shiny with spit and looking pinker then it had ever been. "You…" Arthur shook his head, before he was forcing his eyes to the upper half of Merlin's face to glower at him. "You spent all that time in there trying to monopolize King Bayard's time. My father didn't have the chance to say anything proper, because you are the one that got him talking about…about…that…"

Arthur trailed off, refusing to say the word 'gay', as if he thought it was a particularly violent curse word. Usually at this point, Merlin would have threw one of his fits and tell Arthur there was nothing wrong with speaking of the 'homosexual community', or whatever his fits would have usually been about. But Merlin didn't start screeching at him at all, which probably should have been the final nail on the head to clue Arthur into something being actually wrong with his consort. But it wasn't, and Arthur had no time to play 'let's guess what Merlin's problem with him this week' was.

"I…I didn't…" Merlin stated to stutter again, scraping his nails along the bottom curved edge of the table, anxious and nervous and…he lowered his eyes back to the floor to try avoiding Arthur's eye. He sucked his lip back in his mouth and let it plop back out, the flesh bouncing back in place. And the sad part…Merlin didn't even question Arthur. He didn't dare question how Bayard choosing to spend the entire time talking about his gay history only because Merlin had asked one question, was entirely his fault. It was his fault. Arthur had said so. So that meant it was…somehow…he sucked his lip in once again. "I didn't mean too."

Arthur inevitably found his eyes being drawn back down to that infuriating lip sucking Merlin was doing. He could see the abused flesh starting to go from shell pink to an almost vivid red, and Arthur's lip curled up with disgust as his stomach twisted oddly. He knew that stupid trick of Merlin's, though he doubted the boy-as innocent and as stupid as he was-knew what he was doing. Within the wrong hands, it might have been a trick that was able to work wonders to distract somebody. But Arthur was able to find he was a far stronger man, and tricks like it didn't work on him, he thought as his eyes were tracing along the seams of that plump bottom lip that kept appearing before it was sucked back into the void, flashes of white teeth pressing against the flesh.

Merlin had done something like this before, the prince thought, eye twitching when the consort kept doing the motion even when Arthur was glaring at him. He could vividly remember a time, maybe a month or two ago and Valiant had still been roaming around the castle. Merlin had started sucking on his lip…Arthur had to wretch the abused flesh out from between his teeth, his chin forced between Arthur's fingers to force it out. Arthur had been a lot more worried back then, that people would think he had hit Merlin or something, with faint bruises starting to form across that stupidly abused lip. But he may need to do it again if Merlin didn't stop…if he didn't learn how his lip sucking might look to the wrong person…if he did the motion again in front of King Bloody Bayard…what did…Arthur shook his head before the thought could form in his mind.

"Of course you don't mean too, you never mean to do all the things you do, do you? And yet…they always happen with you directly in the center of it, don't they?" Arthur demanded of Merlin, forcing his eyes to look away from the flashes of Merlin's white teeth he could spot, to look away from the seam of opened lips and the bruising red color, to look away from the spit clinging along the curve of it…If his voice came out a big gruffer-and maybe a bit rougher, then it had been the last time he talked- then it was clearly because he was just tired of Merlin not being able to do things right after how long he had been in the kingdom. Arthur's eyes dropped again and he gritted his teeth when he saw the raw flesh disappearing between his teeth once again. "God!" He blurted out, raising one of his hands and jabbing it harshly in the direction of the lip. "It's no wonder Bayard couldn't take his eyes off you in ther…"

Arthur cut himself off abruptly before he could finish the sentence. The air around them grew silent, the prince's eye twitching when he realized the position he had put the pair of them in. With Arthur's finger hovering in the air between them, only a few inches from touching that lip and feeling the spit clinging to them coat on his own finger. Merlin was almost backwards, leaning so far back against the table that he had bent himself back. Merlin's eyes were crossed, looking at Arthur's finger as if it was about to bite him. Bite him just like he had been stupidly biting his lip…

Arthur sharply cleared his throat-dry and raw-before he dropped his finger down by his side. The prince pushed his shoulders back to give himself a more princely kind of demeanor, "What I meant to say…if my father wasn't requiring your presence for the celebrations tonight, I'd have suggest you stay in your rooms tonight." He hadn't exactly meant to start spitting out Bayard's name as if it was Him, who was a rabid dog prepared to bite down on the king's hand if he tried to reach out and play with the one thing he couldn't have. "I wouldn't want for Bayard to go getting the wrong idea just because you…you-" he waved his hand in the air between them trying to think of how he should put this. "You were being nice to him! Or something. Women like it when men ask them those questions about their lives. I am positive that men would be the same."

Bayard sure had seemed eager in there, to let them all know just how-shudder-gay, he was. Telling them all his life story, as if they needed to know of the torrid affairs of his past. Made sure to tell them him and Queen Ariel had some kind of arrangement they weren't ashamed of, and how it worked for them. It all left a bad taste within Arthur's mouth. As if King Bayard had been eager to tell Merlin-without saying the actual words-that he would be available for wherever a…private…conversation may lead into. And with Merlin's habit of lip sucking, he was sure it was only going to encourage Bayard into thinking any of what went on in his dirty old man mind, would happen.

Arthur wouldn't dare say he knew what went on inside of a…gay man's mind…but he knew what Merlin's innocent nature looked like. And he knew if somebody walked up to him-male or female-and started asking him personal questions about his life, and was sucking on their lip like Merlin did, he would have thought the worse. Or maybe he would think the best, depending on who exactly the lip sucker was. How anybody could think Merlin would be a possible partner was a mystery to him, but…as he had learned from Valiant, and had just seen in Bayard…it was clear that some people would.

Merlin, slowly and as cautiously as ever, carefully eased himself up so he was no longer bent over the table. But he still eyed Arthur with suspicion, body coiled as Merlin fully expected for Arthur to shove him onto the table and get up close and personal with him. It was what the man seemed to do best, getting in his space. But even when the prince didn't make another move towards him, there was still no reason for him to relax. "I…" Merlin licked at his lips, keeping his voice meek and quiet, knowing any little thing could set the prince off. And have him trying to attack him in the usual method he used. "…I have no idea what you're talking about…"

Merlin spun what Arthur had said around and around in his mind, trying to figure out what women liking it when men asked them questions, had anything to do with any of what was going on. Or why men enjoyed it as well…he supposed it didn't really matter, other then Arthur being upset about it. And only because if the prince was upset with something, then it meant bad news for Merlin. But it also didn't really matter, because the consort made sure to pull his bottom lip between his teeth again. He didn't want to risk saying the wrong thing, and chewing on his lip not only allowed him to feel the sting of his cuts, but it also kept him from speaking out of turn.

"…Nothing, don't worry about it." Arthur finally said, after a long pause of Arthur simply staring at him until the boy had started shifting around on his feet awkwardly. Merlin was constantly stopping himself, reminding himself that Arthur didn't like it when Merlin fidgeted. But it turned to a never ending cycle, Merlin literally unable to keep still like he wanted too. Arthur turned away from Merlin, and ducked his head down so that he was staring at the floor beneath their feet. Merlin was left staring at his back for a few seconds, just long enough where the consort had started looking at the prince and back down the length of the hallway. Wondering if he could make another last attempt for escape, but…it wouldn't be worth if if he did not manage to get away. It might be the last straw when it came to Arthur's mood, and the conversation would've ended with Merlin on his back again as Arthur sat down on his legs to keep him there. So he stayed, and not one second after Merlin decided this, Arthur went whipping around, looking almost wild and causing the consort to jolt back. His hips bangs against the table roughly but it was a pain that was drowned out by Arthur sneering at him, "You are seriously stupid, you know that? Not even knowing…"

Arthur cut himself off abruptly, and shook his head in an almost violent manner. It made Merlin look at him like he thought Arthur was the crazy person, but Arthur hardly cared. He felt like a crazy person after all, because once again, Merlin was innocently chewing on his bottom lip as if it wasn't his responsibility to make sure that others who may see it, didn't get the wrong ideas. If there had been anybody else in this hall, Arthur would have been half-tempted to rip off his own jacket and cover Merlin's head with it. If only so nobody else saw something that should only be done when alone. Or never, Arthur would have preferred. But if the lip sucking wasn't going to just stop cold turkey, then doing it alone would've been the next best thing.

Arthur supposed this whole probably could have easily been avoided if he just gave in and told Merlin 'exactly' why he hated the whole lip sucking thing. How it would be obviously inappropriate to everybody else who was over the age of nine, at least. But…Arthur also had to be the one to decide which one was the worse evil he had to deal with. He could constantly be on edge, watching out for Merlin as his protector, since the boy didn't know the dangers the world could pose for someone innocent like him. Would have to constantly watch him, be on his guard in his own castle, and watch for any threats even from his own guests…be ready to sink his sword into the wrong man for looking at Merlin as if he was something to be eaten.

Or…he could swallow his pride, do his part, and fucking tell Merlin what little he knew of the mechanics of those who participated in gay sex. The thought made him feel as if he was about to break out in a cold sweat, but…that was his only other open so he wouldn't have to do all the extra work the first option entailed. But how could he tell Merlin if he wasn't careful, there were some people who would like nothing better then to bend him over. People who would drag those stupid peasant pants of his down his slim hips, until they had full access to do anything to Merlin's lower body. How was he going to explain to the consort that there were people who'd try greedily to use his naivety against him to get him into that position. And then take their cocks and ram them up into Merlin's tight little hole while the boy screamed…and the prince's cold sweat seemed to burn away into a hot inferno.

And Arthur-little as he knew about the subject-was sure there was something the top was meant to do with their fingers…he was pretty sure it was an important part with the process. But he doubted anybody-like certain Kings who would find themselves mysteriously missing a part of their anatomy because of a hooded assailant who had stolen away in his room in the dead of night-would even bother making it comfortable for the other boy. Let's just say…Arthur found it more comfortable for himself when he kept his eyes on the boy, once he became aware of a new threat to the boy. So, there really was no reason to tell him at all, when Arthur would be there to stop such a thing from happening now that he was aware.

"I-I know I don't really know what's going on, or…how to do what you want…" Merlin brought his hands up toward his chest to play quickly with his fingers, assuming that Arthur's silence meant he was supposed to talk. Or they would just sit here staring at each other. His eyes darted all over the hall though, anxious and nervous as he tried to come up with something that wouldn't get him yelled at. Or something that wouldn't lead Arthur to calling him stupid once again, wrongfully assuming Arthur was still going on about his conduct with their meeting with King Bayard. "But, I was just…trying to educate myself…"

The second the idea came to fruition in his mind, Merlin practically latched onto it with all of the force carried in a thousand hands. He could remember all those times it had somehow been his fault for not being educated, and for not knowing how to do things properly. The best the consort had gotten, was when Arthur had made him get to studying that book on tournament etiquette when the competitors first started arriving all those months ago. It was now sitting on a shelf somewhere forgotten, among all of the many books Gaius had. Merlin had already read it, but it was very basic first level stuff. Nothing that was going to help him out with the more complicated things. But surely Arthur couldn't fault him for trying to seek his education, even if the source came from Bayard himself instead…and even if that hadn't been Merlin's reason for asking in the first place. But it was something, at least.

"One of the things I should be educated on is how the other kingdoms run, right?" Merlin asked slowly, drawing it out as he tried to get his thought in order. He had eyes trained off to the side, anxiously twisting his fingers with more harshness than before as he tried to make it seem as if he wasn't making this up on the spot. "Especially if we're going to be doing these things often. You know…if Camelot hosts royal guests all the time, then I should be a bit more educated on the basics of their homelands at least. Or, is that not right? I don't want to offend one of your guests by saying the wrong thing…or…maybe that was something I should have asked you about? Instead of taking the initiative with Bayard…"

It had taken everything in Merlin to get those words out without stuttering, surprised at himself for managing to string together just one of those sentences. But this had been meant to appeal to Arthur, and make him happy to see Merlin taking things more seriously then he thought he was. Wouldn't Arthur be happy to know that Merlin was trying to not embarrass him again? Anything to get out of here without being screamed at again, anything to allow him just a bit of wiggle room when it would come to Arthur. If Merlin made him happy, if Merlin was able to completely strip off everything that he was, and became that perfect living doll they wanted from him…then just maybe Merlin would learn how to work the system that was Camelot Nobility. Just do what Arthur wants…that was all there was to it.

"You…" Arthur's lips thinned sharply, realizing that the consort had completely missed what he had been trying to say originally. And Merlin brought his shoulders back up to his ears, as he remembered the first thing he had learned about Arthur: he was never happy. And he was never going to be able to 'appeal' to Arthur's far better nature because…he didn't have one. While it wasn't the topic Arthur had been going for, he also latched onto it, so Merlin wouldn't question what he had originally been meaning if he just dismissed it. "You need to get proper education from a tutor. But that work would also need to be done over years-the years usually done in childhood-to get you even marginally prepared for this kind of life. And the dozens and dozens of books you would need to study on, that alone would take up a majority of time I'll doubt you'll have." Arthur stops, and looks away, so that he could grumble the one thing he actually knew about the peasants. "Though, you'll take even longer since you will have to start at the very beginning. And by that, I do mean the children books that helps teaches to read. I do not imagine there was much learning opportunities back in…Elador…to teach you."

Merlin once again didn't say anything to defend his own home from Arthur's snide comment. There really wasn't a lot of opportunities brewing back in Ealdor. He hadn't been able to spend his childhood studying, he had been busy learning practical things that would get him by with the life of a farmer. A trowel had been placed in his hand as soon as he was old enough to understand not to use his magic outside their home. But…the consort returned his eyes down to the floor. It stung all over again to know just how stupid Arthur thought he was, that he'd need to read children books. Merlin's reading was one of the few things he could feel pride in. In the three months he had been in Camelot, his reading level had sky rocketed far higher then it had been when he'd first arrived. He had even started feeling as if he had been reading his entire life, the words coming easier and more practiced to him. There may be a couple of words every now and then he needed to look up in the dictionary Gaius had passed to him when his interest grew, but it was definitely a mark of achievement for him. At least, it had been before his depression had hit the hardest, and he'd stopped trying to pick up his books. Even if Arthur would probably look at it with scorn, thinking it nothing more special that any noble child was able to do.

"I'm…of course…" Merlin agreed with the prince, before looking down at his hands with a sullen expression. He knew by now, that there was no point with arguing with the other man. Even if Merlin protested and told Arthur that he could read just fine, the other man probably was not going to believe him without some kind of proof he could. And since Merlin didn't exactly go around trying to carry books on his person, proof right now would've been impossible to come by. "I'm-" Merlin hesitated just a moment, before bowing his head down in front of his royal prince. "I'm sorry."

Merlin didn't even know why he was apologizing, he had never not once, apologized to Arthur since the day they had met. Through everything that had happened during the last three months, Merlin had never felt the need to apologize for anything he had done. But…Merlin wasn't in his right state of mind. He was depressed, and it was like everything made him sad, and…he only wanted just one thing to end. Like this conversation, Even if he had to apologize to Arthur for…behaving so poorly the other man thought he didn't know how to read? For not being able to keep his mouth shut, even if he knew that would be the one thing they wanted from him. Not being able to be that perfect little doll without some kinds of chips in the corner that would cause a rich man to throw away a toy that still functioned.

"You're sorry? That's really all you have to say, you are sorry?" Arthur repeated, because Merlin's apology only seemed to make Arthur's agitation return. Merlin nearly flinched, and curled into himself as he wrapped his arms snugly around his body, trying to make himself look as small as he possibly could for whatever comes next for him with Arthur's wrath directed onto him. It was quite a feat, considering how gangly and awkward and long his body was, but Arthur barely seemed to notice as he had started pacing again. As if it was him that couldn't bare to remain still, even when it was usually Merlin who had troubles standing still. Not today though. Not in front of Arthur, who went from one wall to the next, while he was grumbling under his breath. "Sorry, he says…as if he has not already caused me enough headaches to last me my entire lifetime."

If Arthur had bothered to look at Merlin, he would have seen the consort listening to every word he spoke. And the flinch that occupied each one, would have noticed just how tightly wound he was, would have noticed…he surely would have noticed 'something' was off with his consort…wouldn't he? But that was neither here or there because Arthur 'didn't' notice. He didn't notice anything more then what was exactly in his face, and that would only be to stop himself from face-planting into the stone wall. That would have put a damper on everything Arthur was trying to impress on Merlin. The most important one being: do. Not. Ever. Talk to. King Bayard.

If Merlin had been so keen on getting a bit of education, then he should have gone to him, the prince thought in a rueful manner as he continued his agitated pacing from wall to wall. Should have discussed it proper, instead of it coming up in a fight. It might take years before Merlin had enough knowledge to actually understand what was going on during council meetings or important events so he could at least follow along as he sat by Arthur's side in attendance. But Arthur could have arranged a tutor to get him started-one of his old ones perhaps. Perhaps he was just agitated because Merlin thought he needed to talk to 'Bayard', of all people, to get that education with Mercia in mind. Why couldn't the boy have just gone to Arthur, then this whole catastrophe could've been easily avoided.

Good god, if Merlin managed to escape his sight only to run off and ask King Bayard to answer more of his many questions…maybe Arthur really should just handcuff the boy to his wrist to make sure he didn't run off. But if any saw them attached like that…Arthur shuddered, knowing many people would think it was some kind of weird kink thing, and they had ended up losing the key during their …activities…Arthur swallowed past his dry throat before shaking his head. Back to his original train of thought…if Merlin did find his way back to Bayard, then what would stop the king from actually trying to move Merlin into a more private part of the castle. Like Bayard's room in the castle…

Innocent body, but with a dim mind…Arthur wasn't able to get that horrible combination out of his mind. And he just knew Merlin would follow anybody anywhere, like a child following the stranger home because he promised to have a hot meal waiting for him. Arthur felt it when a worried shudder rolled down his spine…Merlin would be easy prey. Probably the type to do whatever somebody asked him too because they said something as dumb as 'I love you' after they just met. But surely even Arthur's consort-with a brain able to figure out why people were dying-was able to see somebody sticking a hand down his pants was a relatively bad idea…who was he kidding himself? To Merlin, anything that had to do with the flesh was a complete mystery.

"…Okay, what kind of questions do you want to ask King Bayard?" Arthur suddenly blurted out, whipping around to face Merlin once again. The question seemed to have came out of the blue, and Merlin jolted once again when he was suddenly addressed. Merlin always felt as if 'this' would be the moment the prince finally snapped, so the surprises continued to hit him when it wasn't becoming worse for him. This only left Merlin erratic, and on edge, and confused as hell with Arthur's question. The prince let out a frustrated breath when the consort didn't start throwing questions at him: Arthur had better things that he could be doing that involved more ignoring Merlin or the problems caused by him, and less actually having to talk to him. "You said," Arthur painstakingly reminded his consort, talking in a low and slow voice to make sure the consort understood him. "That you were trying to seek answers about Mercia from King Bayard. Ask me now, so you don't have to bother our royal guest later on. But I'll ask you to be quick about it. This is your one chance to ask, so don't test my patience and take forever with it."

Arthur thought he was being very gracious, poising with his hands on his hips as he started impatiently tapping his foot against the stone floors, for giving his consort a chance to ask him whatever he wanted. Arthur would be the one to answer it, no matter how stupid it might have been. Even if Merlin was now looking at him skeptically, clearing wondering how much Arthur could really know about Mercia, considering he didn't even know just how 'open', the kingdom had become in recent years. Arthur narrowed his eyes sharply, and Merlin was quick to avert his eyes back down to the ground. The prince huffed, as he pulled his shoulders back.

Merlin might think it was dumb-and didn't that just grind Arthur's gears up just thinking about it-but his plan was absolutely brilliant. There would be absolutely no reason for Merlin to disappear again like he tended to do-to see Bayard, this time-when Arthur himself was here to give him whatever he needed. It might even give Arthur less work to do if he didn't have to keep such a close watch on Merlin as long as the other king was in the city. All he had to do was answer a few questions, and it would take out half his load when Merlin was concerned. No fucking Bayard around to try confusing Merlin with his…carefree kind of attitude, or his…

"Well I, er…" Merlin blinked rapidly several times, and his fingers anxiously rose to tug at the sleeve of his jacket. The consort would glance back up at the prince several times, stuttering out nonsense words that didn't make sense even to him, watching as Arthur's face contorted and twisted into more impatience. Such a pretty face, so twisted and horrible, transforming it into a face that was able to haunt nightmares…Merlin's eyes always returned back to the floor. "I just…I would like to know…I mean…if you could tell me..what is…like…there's so much…I'd like to know…er…maybe…what do they, or…what is…"

Merlin's stuttering didn't seem to help matters…he was usually able to talk himself out of the situations he'd got stuck in. Had he not manage to convince Uther to make a deal with him for Gwen's freedom in front of the entire council? Even if that might have been some plot Uther had been working on the entire time to have Merlin end up arrested…or maybe it had been a spur of the moment opportunity? Had Merlin not talked his way out when the Knight Valiant had tried to corner him in the armory…he had talked brave to get himself out of there before the worse could happen. But then again, Valiant obviously hadn't been scared of him, having later on followed him up to him room. Well…had he not spoken up to Arthur-before he knew who he was-and demanded he stop with throwing daggers at the manservant who would end up being Morris. He had ended up locked in his new Royal Suite for his troubles, but it had been Leon, who'd been the only reason Merlin wasn't locked in the dungeons for the night.

Okay, so maybe Merlin wasn't as good as talking himself out of situations like he had once thought he was. And it had also been back when he was in his right state, when he wasn't constantly checking himself over with each of his words, trying to figure out rather or not it was going to upset the nobles. And after his depression had been hitting him the hardest this week…Merlin didn't know if Arthur wanted him to ask an actual question. He didn't know if he should just play along, or simply say he didn't have any questions-though Merlin always had questions lingering in the back of his mind about something. But his voice of curiosity, the voice that usually forced him forward when he knew everybody else would've walked away…was strangely absent. Offering Merlin no helpful insight to what he should do. Play along, and see exactly how far Arthur was willing to continue his charade, or…if he should pretend he didn't have anything to ask. But if he did ask one of his questions…Arthur would probably start yelling at him again for it. For wasting his time even when he was the one that asked, or he'd…

"Well!" Arthur sudden snapped, his patience waning till there had been nothing else. Merlin jolted, squeezing his eyes shut as the back of his hips once again hit the table behind him, the vase shaking ominously-and it rattled as it neared the edge of the table, barely hanging onto it by a thread-but Merlin barely heard it. Not when he had the prince's bulging eyes glaring at him, his arms crossed on his chest so tightly, the only reason Merlin wasn't seeing bulging muscles he could be threatened with in what the prince called his biceps, was because of the jacket said prince was wearing. "Aren't you going to spit it out! I can practically see whatever hanging in your mind. So all you need do is say it! Or do I need to hold your hand for this part?"

Merlin clenched up tight, his arms locking snugly around himself, as if he was prepared for Arthur to do that thing where he wrestled him to the ground and force him into whatever uncomfortable position he wanted. That little comment of Arthur's…Merlin didn't think he'd ever felt the urge to hold Arthur's hand. Not even when his crush had been at it's peak. And it seemed almost stupid to be hearing it now. The way Arthur had used it, like a young child who needed to have their hand held when walking in the marketplace so they wouldn't wonder off. Arthur would never see the act like Merlin had: where there was two people who simply hand hands because they had an urge to be close. Where two people intertwined each of their fingers around the other, just to be reminded that the other was there. Where two different people…were able to feel a connection, and a closeness where others would never be able to touch it. Just by locking hands together…it seemed like such a pipe dream nowadays…Merlin had almost forgotten how stupid he'd been. And how he had seen things…

Arthur took a step towards-threatening and low, even as he offered to help him-and Merlin panicked, "Sodomy!" He blurted out the first word that had popped inside of his mind, the exact opposite of what he'd been thinking of when Arthur had first proposed for Merlin to ask him something. And Merlin watched as Arthur froze in mid-step, his features seeming to freeze as the colors were draining from his face until he was as pale as Merlin was nowadays. Merlin's eyes flickered everywhere but at the prince, having known this was a bad idea before he had said anything. "Err…that is the word, isn't it…sodomy? I think it is, but maybe I heard wrong. Sodomy might not be right…do you remember what is was, if it hadn't been called sodomy…? Nobody ever managed to tell me what it meant…"

Merlin's mouth clamped shut though, his bottom lip was almost swallowed whole as he sucked it back in between his teeth when he saw the almost dead look that showed in the prince eye. He knew it! He'd known this had been some kind of trick, crafted by Arthur, only so the prince had a real reason to start yelling at him again. Maybe the prince got some kind of sick amusement out of knowing he'd walked Merlin straight into his trap. And already, he could feel the sting of tears returning to his eyes, feeling as if they had never left in the first place.

"Don't ever…say that word…again…" Arthur hissed out at his consort through his clenched teeth. His jaw was tight and he was surprised he hadn't broken several teeth by that point. The word 'sodomy' seemed to echo through his mind, as well as the awful imagery of a man standing behind another man bent over for him. The smaller man looked vaguely familiar-uncomfortably familiar-with his dark hair curling tantalizingly around the curves of both his ears. The larger man looked more recognizable-the form of a king whose blood would stain the hilt of Prince Arthur's blade. The hot flash of irritation growing inside of Arthur's chest seemed to worsen, knowing that Merlin still had that damn word stuck in his mind. It was a word that should have never entered Merlin's vocabulary, and Arthur was tempted to go after Bayard anyway, and take measures to painfully cut out his tongue for passing that word onto Merlin. "Don't say it…don't try asking about it …don't even think about it. Or so help me god, Merlin…"

Arthur allowed his threat to hang over them like it was a veil of death hovering between the two of them. He did not know exactly what he would do to Merlin, but he did know that the threat would be all that was needed, since Merlin was being strangely pliable during this time. That wasn't particularly something Arthur cared for, since the consort was in one of those strange moods he'd fall into sometimes, but…Arthur would accept it. As long as it let Merlin heed his word for once. Arthur had spent the last many months thinking of inappropriate conducts, doing things with a whip or chaining Merlin right at the foot of his desk as if he was some kind of dog. But since Arthur had made it his resolution to 'not' think of things like this it meant that Arthur needed another outlet. Another way to punish Merlin-maybe one that he could actually put in action, and not just one that stayed within the confines of his mind-but nothing was coming to mind…

Arthur apparently, didn't actually need to give the other boy a tangible threat, because Merlin nodded his head quickly. Not arguing. Not protesting. Not saying a word in a manner that was so undeniable…not Merlin…but the thought was gone from Arthur's mind before it was able to develop into 'just' how odd Merlin was being. His boy had just sucked his lip back into his mouth so harshly, it popped back out. The color more vivid then ever, a slick sheen of spit drawing Arthur's eyes straight back to the flesh. A sight Arthur had been avoiding looking at since the last time Merlin had been sucking on it, as if he was thinking it was some kind of sweet dessert.

And against his better judgement, Arthur didn't try and jerk his eyes away from the sight. He narrowed his eyes on the lips as the bottom lip once again disappeared in-between his teeth. He tried to imagine what a man may find attractive about them, what did a…gay man…try to look for when they wanted to kiss another gay man. Was it the shape of them? The slight curve to them…a ladies lips were more defined then a man's, but Arthur thought that was mostly because of the lipstick they wore. While trying to purposely bring attention to them as one of the more attractive features they had. Merlin didn't need to do a trick like that, didn't need to wear anything to bring Arthur's attention-or anybod's-to them. Why would the boy need too, when licking at them made it look as if he was trying to 'make love' all on his own.

Was it the…color?…of them that would make a guy feel any sort of attraction to Merlin? Because even when the consort wasn't feasting on them as if they were going to be his last meal on earth, the color was a very nice, clear shade of pink. Almost like the pink shells one may find if they dug around in the sand. But after Merlin had taken his time licking at them, it had only turned the color into a dark red. Arthur would even go so far as to say it could have resembled the same shade Camelot was known by. On other people, that red shade may have looked awful, but when compared to Merlin's dark hair and skin tone…it only made them stand out.

But the licking…it had made the bottom lip look just a bit swollen. A little thicker than it usually was on any given day. And once again, on anybody else, this would have made somebody look as if they had suffered having this very unfortunate bee sting in a bad spot. But on Merlin…it looked almost as if the boy had been throughly kissed the life out of. If Arthur squinted-the prince thought with a haughty scoff-because who the fuck thought kissing a consort, his consort, would be a good idea-and tilted his head to the side. At that moment, Arthur stiffened up his shoulders when he saw Merlin's tongue dart out and lick across the red flesh.

There was a slow bubble of heat somewhere in the pit of Arthur's stomach as he watched the red muscle pull into the safety of the hot cavern it was attached too. But the prince only narrowed his eyes into little slits, dismissing the sensation as nothing more his agitation growing. His imagination had shifted, and Arthur could just see Merlin going to Bayard for answers because Arthur had refused to explain to him what 'sodomy' was. And somehow, the little 'explanation' was going to end up with Bayard, and his hands cupping Merlin's flushed cheeks and dragging him so their lips could meet. Bayard's disgusting tongue pushing it's way into Merlin's mouth, and the boy would gasp-in horror and surprise-as the king's tongue slowly wrapped itself around his.

Merlin's tongue darted out again, and instead of trying to disappear completely, the consort pulled his lip into his mouth again, biting down. And somehow…Arthur's imagination shifted again. The King's hair shortened and lightened until it was blond, the wrinkled skin pulling into itself until it was the flesh of a young adult male's. In his mind, the man kissing Merlin was…himself? Those hands dragging Merlin into his embrace, the warm cheeks were leaving heat across Arthur's bare palms. The lips under his own going slack as Arthur shoved his tongue inside of the warm cavern, chasing after Merlin's own before it could disappear from him again. Merlin's groan-one that was of surprise and pleasure, because Arthur refused to believe he could give a bad kiss, even when his partner was his hated male consort-ringing like music inside his eardrums. Encouraging Arthur to take more, urging him to take control and dominate, forcing him to drag more of those noises out of Merlin. Make him know the King would never be as good as this as Arthur could be…if he was given the chance to show it.

There was the soft sound of a throat being cleared, and in Arthur's mind, he could feel the soft little meows the consort would give him against his lips, pressing harder against him for more. Allowing Arthur to be the one that satisfied him, giving him no reason to allow the hands of an old man to grace his person. Arthur's jaw clenched as the sound of the throat being cleared-a bit louder and a bit more clearer-reached his ears again. But in his mind, Arthur had ran one of his hands cupping Merlin's cheek up along the side of his face until he was barely grazing his fingers over Merlin's ear. Continuing on until he could feel the dark strands of hair Merlin possessed, and then the startled gasp erupting from Merlin's lips as the blond prince jerked him back by his hair. Forcing them apart as they breathed roughly against each other's face, a string of spit connecting their lips before it broke apart. And it would be there, that Arthur would get sucked in, looking into Merlin's hazy eyes, fogged over and half lidded with desire.

"Er…Arthur…" Merlin's hesitant voice seemed to come clearer than a bell, popping the warm hazy bubble that had encircled Arthur. The prince jolted out of his horrid thoughts, feeling as if he had been doused with a bucket of cold water. Icy to his core, his bones shivering within as the meat on his bones did nothing to keep him warm. The consort was staring at him, and Arthur's eyes were darting across his face in a panic, sure that Merlin would have been able to read his mind from the expression on his face. Arthur's…thoughts…had been nothing but him trying to figure out why a man would want to try kissing another man, trying to figure out why there were some men that may actually like it. And then things had…gone off the deep end, so to speak. The only relief Arthur may have gotten was…he was pretty sure Merlin didn't know how twisted his thoughts had gone. It was only innocent speculation, but…Arthur was sure others would get the wrong idea if they had seen what he'd been doing. Even if it was only in his own head, and couldn't count toward anything. Arthur's relief ended seconds later, as Merlin spoke up, "Maybe…do I…is it okay if I…if I leave…?"

Arthur froze, watching as Merlin made a hesitant step to back away. Merlin's backside was pressed alongside the little table, the sharp edge of it cutting against him as he moved to step around it. But Arthur barely noticed, eyes only for Merlin as he attempted to leave. Forget Arthur's icy shock, that made him want to scream at Merlin after the boy somehow put these thoughts into his mind…the boy was the reason Arthur was in a state unbefitting for a prince of his station. But the panic that was enclosing around his heart, tightening around his throat as if it had been fashioned into a noose, stopped him from storming off after yelling at Merlin.

Because…what if this was the last time Arthur would see Merlin. No, of course it wasn't, since Merlin was just like the leach that never seemed to go away. But there was still a very distinct fear in Arthur, that the Merlin he was going to see next…wouldn't be the Merlin that he knew. Not the stupidly innocent Merlin that made Arthur want to both simultaneously shake him hard enough that the knowledge of…gay sex…would just fall straight inside of his head, or lock him up inside Arthur's chambers so the creeps of the world like Bayard and Valiant would never be able to set their sights on him again.

Knowing Merlin as he did, there was a very distinct sort of possibility that the other boy would leave from there and go straight to Bayard just because he knew Arthur didn't care for him. Arthur hadn't exactly tried making it a secret how much he wanted the king out of his home. And once Merlin was out of his sight…there was nothing that would stop King Bayard from making a move on his consort. Nothing to protest the boy from how dangerous his naïvety really was, nothing to stop him from walking into a trap. The Merlin that returned back to him, would not be the stupidly innocent consort…not after Bayard was done with him.

"That word!" Arthur blurted this out before Merlin was able to take another step back, causing Merlin to freeze where he stood. Arthur swallowed hard, not wanting the consort to walk away from him. He just needed to keep the consort busy, stall him…until when? It wasn't as if he could stand here and keep Merlin chatting with him the entire day. There was much more work that would need to be done, and it wasn't going to go away just because Arthur was too paranoid to let Merlin walk away all on his own. He had the social pressures of his father still trying to enforce this treaty despite all of the shocks their day had bore. He had to make sure he was ready to stand in front of the man that behaved as if he wanted to see far more of his consort then even Arthur had seen, and act as if he didn't want to rip his head off, that night. Arthur was sure there were also a dozen or so little things that he couldn't think of right now, but would also needed to be done. So that was the problem: Arthur simply didn't have the time to watch over Merlin, but he was also too on edge about Bayard to trust the boy's protection back on Knight Gregory's shoulders. It hadn't exactly worked out the last time, with Merlin constantly escaping from his rooms without the knight's knowledge. But…Merlin was looking at him, and Arthur cleared his throat when he remembered he had started something. And now he needed to finish it. "It's just…" Arthur's mind scramble to figure out something else he could say. "That word only means…it's another word for people who are not able to mind their own business!"

Arthur practically shouted his false explanation, and he waited with anticipated breath for Merlin's reaction. Not like Merlin knew what 'sodomy'-he couldn't even think of the word without shuddering-actually was. So, Arthur was free to literally say anything. How was Merlin going to know the difference. And hopefully, even if Arthur was on borrowed time until Merlin eventually found out that he lied, it wouldn't happen anytime soon. As long as the consort really believed Arthur had told him the truth, he had absolutely no reason to go looking for answers from another. From Bayard…stupid consort who behaved as if he wanted to bond with the king. And not in the physical way Bayard wanted him too.

There was a moment where Merlin simply stared at the prince, and Arthur had been sure that Merlin was about to blindly believe him. What reason would Merlin have to not believe him, the prince thought, though…Arthur did remember how insistent Merlin had been on calling him a liar when he had first walked in on him that day inside his chambers with Lady Clarissa. Upset, because of that unfortunate…misunderstanding, where Merlin thought he'd gone back on his word and allowed Lady Clarissa in the royal hallway, after promising nobody would be allow back on that floor after what had happened with Valiant. He was pretty sure Merlin had never gotten over it…not after the remarks he had made about Lady Clarissa right before they reached the entrance hall to meet Bayard. It could hardly be Merlin's fault though, Arthur was willing to admit grudgingly, if Clarissa was going around, trying to start stuff. That was one more thing Arthur would be forced to see too, having a long talk with Clarissa about appropriate behavior.

The moment of silence ended when Merlin mournfully shook his head, proving once again, that his brain was actually used for more then just solving problems when people started dying, "No. I don't think that's it." Merlin spoke a little louder then he had been this entire time as he sounded more sure of himself. The consort was able to remember how Bayard had used the word 'sodomy', it definitely hadn't sounded like what Arthur was insisting it was. But under Arthur's scrutinizing look, and the look of sheer hostility that appeared on the prince's face had Merlin looking down quickly, his hands clenching tightly together in front of him, the strain causing his hands to shake, "I mean…I don't think…I…no. I'm sure, I'm sure it has to be what you said it was."

Merlin wanted to curse at himself for being so stupid as to say what he had to Arthur. It was probably one of the least dumbest mistakes he had made in this day alone…it had to be…but it stung just as bad as the worse of his mistakes could have. He knew better then to argue with Arthur, the boy with fire brimming in his skin and with a voice of iron as he insisted on what he knew, was gone from Merlin's spirit. Arguing, Merlin had to tell himself, was how things turned out bad. It was how Merlin would end up on his backside, pinned down and unable to pick himself up. With Arthur's impossible weight sitting upon his chest, and leaving it hard for him to breathe. Merlin trying to argue his case was usually followed with all his depression worsening. Was what left him staring at the ceiling and trying to contemplate why he was even still here. And why he wasn't strong enough to pick up one of the many daggers he could so easily get his hands on …

Arguing was also how Merlin had met Arthur for the first time…arguing was how he had managed to convince the prince to stand before the council with him, and tell all in the court of Valiant's sins, and what had led to him being forced to stand there on his own. Though him not giving up, was also the reason Arthur had been warned, it had given Arthur the head start he'd needed to fight against his serpent enemy, and survive until Melin had reached the arena. Merlin's arguing had been the reason Arthur had agreed to come with him, and see for himself about the monster in their water. And it was, some would have said, his arguing that had been the reason Gwen was let free. But those instances weren't pivotal to Merlin…not when he had an irritated Arthur in front of him.

"Of course it's what I said it was!" Arthur snapped down at Merlin-the boy was taller then him, sure, but he was all scrunched in and making himself look smaller. Arthur barely noticed, his frustration starting to reach its peak as he registered the 'millions' of things he had to do to get himself prepared for tonight. And knowing standing here with Merlin as they had one of their fights, wouldn't erase the mountain of work waiting for him back inside his chambers. "That…word…is almost considered to be a derogatory word, something that could be rightfully said about you since you have this insane habit of 'not trying to mind your own business!' Like right now! I mean, out of the thousands of questions you could have asked me to educate you on, you decided that you wanted to do a vocabulary lesson? Don't you think I have more a few far more important things I could be working on right now?"

By the time Arthur was done shouting at him-the kiss he had imagined with Merlin stiff fresh in his mind and only made him lash out worse-the prince was breathing in a ragged way. And Merlin's arms was wrapped so snugly around himself, that there was no telling where his arm was ending and his stomach begin. But Merlin didn't say a word to him. The consort simply nodded his head, and turned around to start walking down the hallway so that he could leave. The second Merlin had taken two steps away, Arthur felt the returning rush of panic hitting him out of the blue. Apparently, when Arthur said he had far more important things to do, Merlin had taken it as the prince telling him it was time for him to go. Taken it as the prince telling him he had more important things to do…things that were more important than Merlin being safe if he walked out of sight.

"Wait!" Arthur practically shouted, before his brain was able to catch up to him. And he was stepping forward as he followed Merlin, his hand shooting out to grab Merlin at the wrist and force him to stop this ridiculous, horrible behavior of storming off like some kind of child. Arthur's fingers-the very tips of them-had barely graced the side of Merlin's soft but far too slim hand, when the consort jerked away startled. Merlin whipped around to face him as he fell against the wall, eyes looking as wide as if they were a deer who had caught sight of the torchlights. His hand shot up, and Merlin was cradling the one the blond had tried to grab against his chest as if Arthur had tried to break it.

That damn lip going back into his mouth, right between his teeth. Arthur narrowed his eyes, taking in how Merlin was looking at him in…was that fear? No, it clearly had to be something out. Despite Merlin's 'I'm being abused by my husband' claims, Arthur had done nothing to put the look on his face. All he had done was try to touch him, it was for his own protection though, and nothing Arthur'd not done before. But what Arthur did want to do, was to reach out and press his thumb along Merlin's bottom lip. And watch as it pop back out looking as wet and swollen as it's ever been. But after the…kissing…moment, Arthur found he didn't want to touch anything that would likely be seen as…inappropriate.