A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

110. Chapter 110

Hey ya'll! Just a quick announcement: for those people who may enjoy WattPad more then A03, this story has now been posted there as well. By: Professor_Lupin, who messaged me asking if they could do it. It's only the first twenty or so chapters so far, but they are working on posting the entire thing, so it's there if people wanna check it out. They have also done a cover for the story, so that's also something to be checked out.

Ooh, and for those who don't know but might prefer reading on , I have been posting my story there as I am posting my chapters of A03. So again, it's also there to be checked out. Or you can stay on A03, which is my main focus ;p

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"Perhaps this is not the most luxurious job you could have been doing right about now, but carrying around my donkey manure will leave you with an honest living. It's no different then a servant mucking out the horse stalls to get the pouch of coins they earned for the week." Gaius continued talking to Merlin as he lead him further down the hallway. Normally, a consort would have been somebody who had grown used to a certain standard of living. And therefore, would've most definitely been insulted with being compared to a servant. A servant that spent their days dealing with the literal shit that came out of the horses they rode. It couldn't have been any bigger of an insult if Gaius had been trying to be insulting. It made no difference to Merlin, who felt he could have done a much better job at being a servant, than a consort. "I'm sure whatever you have available to you as consort is plenty but I do not believe it sounds much fair to have you do the work a serving boy does, and still get nothing for your troubles."

Merlin nodded absentmindedly, not paying much attention to what Gaius was telling him. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the whole…what kind of experiment will Gaius be doing that involved dried up donkey dung? But each idea or thought Merlin had on the matter, only seemed crazier or stupider than the last thing he came up with. But anyway, he was self aware enough of what Gaius was talking about, that the consort could note…there wasn't one single thing wrong with him not getting paid the wage of a servant. Merlin was not doing this because he was expecting anything in return, it didn't even occur to him to ask for anything for his labor. It was Merlin lending a helping hand where he could, even if it was in a city that always seemed to have their hand out and waiting for somebody to slap payment in it. Time was money and nobody seemed willing to help out a neighbor until they got something in return. That wasn't Merlin though. And not even in the state Merlin was in, would the consort have only stood there and watch Gaius struggling to pick up the sack for very long. What use was having a nephew, if Merlin was not able to do the simplest of task when asked. At least he was not stuck in his bed…

Merlin didn't notice when Gaius went quiet. And he also did not notice when Gaius started digging around in his pocket until he was able to pull something out. Situated in the palm of his hand was a woolen looking pouch, and not exactly the kind of item one would expect to find in the possession of a master physician. It was too ordinary looking, not made out of silk or satin or any other ridiculous fabric that noble blood took for granted far too often. Gaius was old enough for him to know that the simpler things in life, would sometimes be a much better option. Coin purses made out of silk would be more liable to tear easier. And being a physician, working on the many different potions and chemicals that he did, Gaius was no stranger to the odd spillage. Which could stain along the fabric if Gaius sat it down in the wrong place. Gaius was not going to take care of something frivolous, when his coin could be held just as well with a simple cloth pouch.

"Here, just give me one moment to count out these coins to see what I've got on me. I don't know exactly how much the servants are paid, it varies depending on their duties. But to carry a bag of manure throughout the entire castle, I think is deserving of a heavy tip. Plus on top of being my nephew, it should be a bit more then I would usually give…" by the time Gaius had finished, his voice had lowered until he seemed to be talking only to himself, running the numbers along inside of his head. He shook his cloth money pouch until a handful of golden coins fell into his hand. Gaius-who had never liked to spend money on something unless if pertained to maybe a new book he could add to his ever growing collection-was left staring at the five golden coins. And then the physician shrugged, as if it was no skin off his back how much money he spent on his nephew, before shoving the gold in Merlin's direction. "Here, this should be enough money to convince Runner Erick to make a detour by Ealdor to deliver the letter to your mother. I do believe, if I'm not mistaken, that he will be due to leave in the next few days for his next run. Which means if Hunith writes back, Runner Erick should bring you a return letter before the next month starts."

Merlin stared down at the pile of gold coin in the palm of his uncle's hand, and his eyes widened in disbelief at the coins that sat there. Gold coins…five golden coins…this was most definitely not the largest amount that someone had tried to hand over to Merlin. The consort could still remember quite clearly, Arthur trying to hand him a pouch of golden coins to get rid of him. It had held a sting of rejection to it that left a sour taste in his mouth, and had been the main reason as to why Merlin had thrown it as hard as he could at the back of the thing Arthur called his head. But the coins being held up to him now didn't carry that same sting, it carried more of a shock to it then anything else. And Merlin shook his head in such a quick motion, that he almost upheaved the bag upon his shoulder…apparently Merlin hadn't been very subtle with his disappointment over not being able to afford sending his letter if Gaius thought he had to offer up gold,

"What are you going on about! I cannot accept this!" Merlin exclaimed loudly, nearly dropping the bag of donkey manure at his feet, only catching it and moving back to his shoulder at the very last moment, before it could hit the ground and go everywhere. But Merlin could only stare down at the pile of gold in absolute horror. Horror because Gaius thought he was one of those people who would only help out family if there was payment in mind? Or just plain horror that Gaius thought he had to pay him at all. Merlin clenched his jaw in a tight fashion, deciding he needed to set Gaius straight with the matter. "I don't need any money! You've done so much for me already, I don't need to be paid to help you out for a change! Put your money back, and spend it on something a bit more exciting then just me."

Gaius' expression showed nothing…he would have actually been quite proud of his nephew, knowing that was worked only yo help others. But the self-deprecating tone the young boy had used completely ruined the image. Making it pretty clear that Merlin wasn't just working for nothing, but that he also thought he wasn't work being paid at all. As if he was nothing more then a pack mule, whose only payment came in eating grass whenever they stopped for the night and had to be tied up to a tree so it wouldn't wonder off. That, would not do for Gaius. Not at all.

"You can, and you will, if only to make an old man happy." It came out sharp, Gaius not taking no for an answer when he took Merlin's free hand and shoved the coins into the palm of his hand, curling Merlin's fingers around them himself so that he wouldn't drop them. The money was only a touch of what Gaius had saved up over the years, and there was not any greater joy then allowing his nephew to get something that he seriously needed. "Besides, if you need too, you can think of this as my having purely selfish reasons. With that money, you can send your letter to your mother. From what I remember, Hunith often showed worried whenever anything unexpected happened. I am sure that worry will extend with her own son. There's no telling what she's been doing in the last three months that you have been here. As a big brother, I want to help her as well."

Gaius was not above using a bit of subtle manipulation to get his way, if it would cause Merlin to keep the money in his hand. Merlin seemed utterly helpless, looking at Gaius with a confused expression, as if he couldn't understand 'why' it was something Gaius was insisting on. Why him? Why would Gaius spend more on him then he already was…but the man mentioning Hunith seemed to clear things up for Merlin, his expression going more understanding. Gaius had to stop the sigh from trying to escape his mouth, when he realized that his nephew thought this was about Hunith. Merlin thought it was because Gaius was hoping to hear from the sister he'd lost contact with many years ago. It was sad, but if that was what Merlin needed to think for the time being, to accept all Gaius was trying to offer him, then so be it. Though, he was going to have to correct that ridiculous notion, beat it out of Merlin's head if he had too. Because Merlin was worthy of a lot more then a measly handful of gold Gaius saw as nothing but pocket change.

But still, Merlin seemed to hesitate, hardly able to believe he was thinking about seriously considering taking the money, as his fingers curled tighter around the gold coins to be sure he wouldn't lose any in between his fingers, "Are you sure of this? It hardly seems like a fair trade." Merlin said quickly, he was giving Gaius the chance to back out now. To take back his money while he still had the chance, and they could just pretend this had never happened. No harm, no foul. "I mean just think about how many weeks you have been feeding me or helping me with my reading…giving me a room to sleep in right above your own space. All the advice you have given to me. You've even-" Merlin glanced around to make sure there was nobody listening in, but still lowered his voice as a sign of the caution his mother had tried installing in him. "Given a specific book to me. It hardly seems right for me to take any more from you."

Merlin could have gone on for hours and hours about all of the things Gaius had done for him since he had arrived on his doorstep. And that wasn't including the last week where Gaius was constantly checking on him in his bed, having to sponge bathe him because Merlin didn't have the strength to get out of bed and do it himself. And all the thousands of little things he was sure Gaius had done, but he didn't know about. Or was too out of it in his misery to notice during the time. Merlin already felt horrible for making him do all of this for him, but to take his money as well…it seemed almost like the cherry on top. The extra bit of dessert that Merlin knew he had no right to take as his own. It was funny…how Merlin thought he owed the people in his life something for taking care of him. And yet, it was a mystery Merlin thought those same people would not feel the same desire to help him.

But…that had to be the depression talking, Gaius figured to himself grudgingly. He knew depression had a strange way of warping somebody's mind, making them feel unworthy to have even a bit of kindness being given to them. And there's no telling what other thing had been happening to reinforce this mindset, the things Merlin refused to talk to him about. Gaius knew a little, people did like to talk to their physician to distract themselves from being examined. But what Gaius had heard didn't seem like a drop of what Merlin must have been going through to get this bad. Gaius had thought that he was helping, giving Merlin space to figure things out and not pushing him for answers. But perhaps it was the wrong call, since Merlin only seemed to be getting worse each and every day.

"That is absolutely nonsense!" Gaius threw out into the air between them firmly. Merlin flinched away from how loud it had been, how sudden, and he clenched his hand around all of the gold he was holding reflectively. It had been nothing to do with Gaius specifically, but Merlin was still pretty raw after his anxiety attack in the closet. And there really was no telling what was going to set him off. Like when Gaius took his hand earlier to give him the money. Merlin had seen the motion coming, and was able to relax enough not to flinch at the touch. But after the loud exclamation, it was as if Merlin had his senses being pushed into overdrive, everything just a bit too bright around him for him to handle. He knew Gaius could most definitely not touch him again, his skin feeling all raw with oversensitivity. Gaius seemed to notice this, and he frowned with concern before lowering his voice. "Now, you'll listen to me when I tell you this boy, I am not doing all of this because I expect you to owe me something. I am not doing it because I feel guilty, or sad, about what is happening with your life. I am doing this because you are my nephew, and it is clear that somebody needs to care for you since Arthur is unable or unwilling to do it. We're blood. And with you mom out of the picture, that role falls to me. And I think I'm quite happy to fill in her shoes. Just like your helping me with this sack of manure, and not expecting anything for it. Family is meant to help out family. And there is nothing wrong with a bit of give and take. You do make the nights less lonelier to an old man whose lived alone for quite some time…"

Gaius trailed off, feeling a little awkward with the impromptu speech he had given his nephew. But he didn't refresh one word of it, knowing that it was something that needed to be said. All of this, Merlin is not worthy of anything, had gone on for long enough if Merlin wasn't able to accept what the physician wanted him to have without having some kind of fight against it. Gaius was a frugal man by nature, but Gaius was adamant about this. He would absolutely refuse to take it back if Merlin tried to give it back. The Consort was either going to be forced to accept it, and use it to send his letter to Hunith. Or hold onto it for this undefined amount of time because he felt too bad to use it. Luckily for Gaius though, it did not seem as if Merlin was going to protest much more, if the look of wonderment on his face was anything to go by.

"I…" Merlin trailed off, looking as if he was at a lost for what to say, shifting his gaze back down to stare in wonder at the little pile of coins he had. He wasn't used to kindness, or to people just wanting to give him stuff. Well, there was Arthur always trying to give him things, but that had always felt as if it had strings attached to it. Stop trying to get a job…and I will have your room reworked for solid gold floors. Remove a flower your new best friend gave you…and I won't jump you in the middle of the hall to get it off. I'll give you this pouch of gold coins to go away…and I'll never foresee it will come back to hit me in the back of the head. "I don't know what to say…"

Merlin wanted to be grateful, and excited in a way that he'd never been when Arthur had offered stuff to him. But Arthur also wasn't his family, he was just the stranger being forced on him by outside forces he had no control of. His uncle had said that there was nothing wrong with family helping family to some extent…and that was exactly what Gaius was doing for him. Although, he had still done a lot more then what the sorcerer could have ever expected from somebody he'd met a mere three months ago. But if Merlin thought about it…this was no different then when his mother had snuck every little piece of coin-coppers and silvers, but never gold-inside the traveling bag he had came to a Camelot with. Hunith had did it because she knew Merlin would have never accepted any of it if she had just simply told him. And Gaius seemed to be the same way, not allowing Merlin to protest when it was for his own good. And getting in contact with his mother…it was very much for his own good.

"You don't have to say one single word about it. In fact, I do not want you to say a word. I want you to take this money to give it to Runner Erick, is that understood?" Gaius said with a stern tone, not entertaining the idea of Merlin spending it elsewhere. Perhaps on groceries, since Gaius had spent far more then he usually did when he made runs to the market place. Food that was going uneaten nowadays, but the aged physician continued to bring the extra food home, on the off chance that Merlin might start eating again. "And we will not say a single word against the matter, will we?"

Gaius said this in a very stern tone, arching his eyebrow up high along his forehead when he saw Merlin was opening his mouth up again, most likely to weakly protest. But the young sorcerer snapped his mouth back with a clink of teeth, as he realized there was only so much protest he could give Gaius without seeming ungrateful. Because Merlin was grateful for each and every thing his uncle had done for him ever since Merlin had first walked through his door. With nothing but a letter from his long lost sister, explaining who exactly Merlin was, and why he was there. This gold…it wasn't because his uncle saw him as a charity case like Arthur, a somebody that needed money to keep his content and even willing to be all but bought. Gaius was paying him because…family's had to stick together when they could. And had only used carrying the manure as an excuse to give the coins to him. It seemed that Gaius knew him well…knew Merlin would never take the money unless he thought he had earned it in some way. And carrying manure was something people got paid to do.

Merlin slowly nodded, and curled his fingers tighter around the coins in his hand, "…Thank you." He said, generously, as he felt this was probably the only thing Gaius would allow of him to say. He watched as Gaius nodded his head, behaving as if it was no big deal to him. But Merlin thought it was…he would have liked to say it was even enough to cure all of his depression from him. Wipe the slate completely clean, since Gaius at least seemed to care for him. Even if nobody would feel the same. But depression wasn't that simple, and Merlin wished his heart could be all warm and soft and gooey, with the knowledge that Gaius had said not a word against trying to contact Hunith. But Merlin didn't think he was wired with those gooey feelings anymore, he still suffered with all that numbness in his heart that plagued him day in and day out.

But…Merlin had a plan now, he thought as he carefully slid his hand down his side to slip the coins into his pocket so he wouldn't drop any of them, or the manure still slung onto his shoulder. He had the name Erick, to go by. And he had a handful of golden coins jingling around on the inside of his pocket. And he had the letter inside his inner jacket pocket …there was literally nothing stopping him from sending off his letter with the Runner. Nothing to stop him from going to see him…except for the bag of manure over his shoulder. He just needed to get that back to 'their' home, and then there was nothing that would stop him. As long as Merlin was able to do it without Arthur or Uther catching him of him…

Merlin shook his head, before following Gaius further down the hallway, "…I sure do hope that this Erick guy is willing to cater towards gorilla's…" the consort mumbled underneath his breath just loud enough for Gaius to hear him. The older physician glanced over his shoulder, looking at him with his brows furrowing together in confusing. As if he had started to seriously wonder rather or not Merlin had that affliction of the brain he had convinced Arthur he had that month. That was also one of the things Merlin would hear whispers about before he had taken to hiding in his room-Clarissa had most likely spoke about it, since Arthur had so freely spoken of it that one time he had caught them together in his mind. Talk about rather or not he was really insane, a few stranger then normal looks, people shielding their children from him and it looked as if they thought he was about to jump them and try to attack their children. Merlin had really thought there was a chance he was going insane there for a second, but no, he did not have insanity plaguing him. Just depression, thought Merlin in his normal self deprecating way, as if dealing with depression was no different then dealing with a cold. But his uncle was still staring at him, and Merlin finally took the time to explain his odd comment. "I'm just saying…carrying a bag like this around is going to make my arms a foot longer, long before we actually get back. And gorilla's are the animal that have those really long arms…right?"

It wasn't as if Merlin had ever seen a gorilla before, but he'd at least heard of them before. But anyway…depression really was no joke. And Merlin felt as if he was only going through the motions with this conversation, doing the job assigned to him by Gaius, until he could escape to find Runner Erick at his first opportunity. Going through the motions…just one foot in front of the other…readjusting the bag along the top of his shoulder constantly, having to hold it and feeling as it strained his muscles to the point of pulling. That was one of the many indicators of depression, the loop that Merlin was stuck in until he returned to his non-motivated, and unable to get out of bed state. Merlin could keep walking, and even keep talking to Gaius as if nothing was wrong, could force a smile and the awkwardly weak joke, and behave as if he had it all figured out. The least Gaius deserved was Merlin doing what he could to not worry him any longer…even if it wasn't anything more then Merlin going through the motions. And having to remind himself to breath, and continue taking one step at a time. If he could do that, the the consort would be golden.

Gaius glanced over at Merlin, and the consort faltered in his step because he could see the 'knowing' written all over the older man's face. Gaius was a trained physician, who had an eye for things that other people might have missed, or even dismissed as nothing important. If somebody was walking a bit more gingerly then they should be, Gaius would catch on to it. If somebody winced because they lifted their arms too high, Gaius' eyes narrowed in on the rib area to see where it was an injury could be hiding. And if somebody who'd been diagnosed by a trained physician-Gaius himself-as clinically depressed, suddenly started acting normal, then it would be often seen as a bad sign. Depression never led anywhere he wanted his nephew to be around, and only seemed to fester until real help was given. But the person who would need all that help the most, had to want to be helped. And the young sorcerer was not yet there. There was very little Gaius could do if Merlin didn't 'want' to get better, this wasn't like being faced with a wound that could be stitched up, before Gaius could send them off on their way. This was a sickness in the brain, one that could only be helped if Gaius found a way to motivate Merlin to get better.

"…Be happy that it's only the one sack, and not the entire stack I had sitting in that closet I found you in." Gaius said plainly, grudgingly agreeing to play along with the little act that Merlin had started. The one thing a depressed person needed was stability, knowing that they were cared for, and not feeling the pressure to get better. Gaius had made a big mistake by trying to feed Merlin those flowers by mixing the leaves into his tea, back when his depression had been at a high point, the worse it's ever been. He knew that, but it did not mean Gaius needed to stop trying. Gaius only needed a new tactic, like keeping things as normal for Merlin as could be. Make him feel less like the freak he thought he was… "I'll have you know, I personally find that this is a good way for a young man to build character."

Merlin raised an eyebrow, knowing very well Gaius could've easily needed all of the bags instead of just the one he was carrying. It would have been a bitch to carry them all, but it would have gotten done if Merlin had to do it. Before Merlin would have complained the entire time, loving the sound of running his own mouth and just talking and talking to make the time seem to go by faster. But After Merlin would have not complained at all, still too fragile after his fight with the prince…he would have convinced himself that complaining, even as he got it done, would have been enough for Gaius-the one true stability he seemed to have nowadays-to throw him out on his arse. He would have done anything to be sure that wouldn't happen, knowing his only choices would have been crawling back to Arthur, or sleeping under the bridge that separated the lower town and the inner city.

"…So, what you're saying is that you think I don't have any character?" Merlin asked, as he readjusted the bag for the millionth time, trying to push it higher up his shoulder and out of his face. It was an interesting question, one that the consort vaguely wondered about…what brought character to a man's life? Had Merlin gotten any character when he'd been spending his entire childhood toiling around among all the fields they had in Ealdor? Was Merlin building character every day-was character brought about with hardship?-as it had been a tough childhood, hiding away his magic for fear that even the kindness soul would turn him in to line up their pockets from King Cenred's reward gold. Cenred had been willing to pay quite handsomely, for anybody willing to turn a sorcerer into him. Did Merlin carry that character with him in Camelot's boarders? Was it also the same character forcing Merlin to do the right thing, and continue saving the life and home of the guy that spent his entire day thinking 'what else can I do, that I haven't done already, to emotionally scar the consort I never wanted' "…That hardly seems fair."

Merlin had been going for a light hearted joke, something he figured the 'Before Merlin' would have said. But Merlin could only figure that…he had been through too much, under gone a transformation he didn't must like, before After Merlin had leaked out. Making his little joke fall flat, his tone doing not a thing to help lighten matters up….Arthur probably would've sneered, and then rolled his eyes, as if what Merlin had said had been disgusting to him. And Merlin was never going to get over his depression at this rate. Because even when the consort tried to forget about his problems, and pretend that the people in the world-like Arthur-didn't exist, the prince somehow found a way back into Merlin's head. If only so the voice in the back of his head that sounded like Arthur's, was able to tell him how stupid he sounded. Or he would look far better if he kept his mouth shut. Or how he wasn't feeling in a mood to listen to whatever Merlin was saying…and the list could go on, and on, and on.

"Of course, that wasn't what I meant at all." Gaius said, with a dry tone, giving Merlin an equally dry look. Both of them were trying so hard not to address the elephant in the room, and make their walk go as smoothly as possible, get Merlin and his mind on a life well lived, rather than everything that was plaguing him. But Merlin had only drew attention back to it, and the consort looked away, preferring to get his face buried in the side of the sack of manure, rather then look at the other man. Neither of them were talking about it, but the both of them were trying so hard to be normal, that it could only look painful to the few people who knew how bad all of it was for Merlin. Gaius waved a dismissive hand, acting as if he didn't notice Merlin's flag tone, "There's an old proverb I know that says, hard work breeds…" Gaius hesitated, as he struggled to come up with something on the spot. But only one thing came to mind, and Gaius pitifully finished off with a self-assured, "…A harder soul."

Merlin stopped, and stared at Gaius after watching him with his floundering over how to finish his sentence. It sounded so ridiculous, Before Merlin probably would have laughed at how made up on the spot, it was. But After Merlin could only arch an eyebrow high over his forehead, and even that took effort as he went along with the motions of what he thought he should be doing. Laughing was too much, but the simple arch of an eyebrow, now…that was something Merlin could do. Simple, easy…just like his 'one step at a time' mantra he had been telling himself earlier. One foot directly in front of the other one…and he would get to where he was going off too, eventually.

"…There's no way that's a proverb." Merlin said, this knowing look on his face, as he played his part. The numbness inside of his chest seemed to be spreading out, filling up his entire body until it took over everything. Merlin almost doubted he could have felt pain at this point, if he got both of his hands free long enough for him to dig his nails back into the paling skin of his wrist. But no…that wouldn't be true. Because the physical pain seemed to be the only thing he had to hold on too. The only thing that reminded him that he was still alive in the world, that his heart was still beating as the seconds ticked by. "…You just made that up."

Merlin continued on with his little charade, even when he was blandly tossing around what a 'proverb' like that could have meant. Was having a harder soul the same as building up character? Merlin liked to think it was…building character had to lead to somewhere, and why not have the harder soul be the goal to get too. Merlin wanted to say, he knew how it felt to be a person with a harder soul. But did he, did Merlin really know what it felt like? Somebody who lived with being a harder soul…they probably knew how to handle themself far better then Merlin did. Everything people said was most likely just being washed straight off their back, able to quite easily dismiss or ignore the haters coming out of them. The people like that probably didn't care, or was able to scoff as they continued on with their daily lives. Acting as if they and everybody else knew, there wasn't one thing in the world he could be hurt by.

But Merlin wasn't like that at all…he couldn't just pretend it wasn't bothering him. Or act as if there was nothing wrong in his life. Not for any longer then these brief moments that had to carry Merlin through the motions of what the Before Him, would have done. Merlin felt too much, too much that he could hardly handle the weight. His mother had always told him that he was a sensitive child, but that had always been because he was kind. Carrying spiders in jars out of the house instead of smashing them, trying to get one of the many butterflies that flew around during the warmer of the seasons to land on his finger, instead of catching them to rip their wings off like some of the older boys. Trying to tell the other village kids-while they were starving during the winter months-that everything was going to be okay. As long as they just 'kept. Holding. On.'

Merlin liked to say, if somebody had told him that…it would have given him hope to keep fighting for another day. But it wasn't enough. And Merlin was older, and wiser, and knew a bit more about the world then he did as a child. And he was aware now, just telling somebody to hold on, wasn't going to put food in their belly. Wasn't going to keep the hearth and the warmth filling their huts as the storm raging outside was trying to turn their land into a winter wonderland. And telling somebody that, wouldn't make all of Merlin's problems start to disappear. Merlin would continue to feel too much, would continue trying to wade through his pain, would continue to hurt himself when nobody could see him, and Merlin would continue living through the motions of life…until something finally gave out.

Back when he was small, and unable to understand why he couldn't use his magic in front of others when Kristen from down the street was able to show off her 'special skills' that included doing ten cartwheels at once. His mother had told him how hiding himself was going to be hard work, probably the hardest thing he would ever do in his entire life. But she had also said, people who didn't want to work hard for what they needed, deserved the kind of life they got. Merlin knew now that the hardest thing he would ever do…would have to be continuing to live. Continuing to live while he felt far too much. Continuing to live in a world that'd been against him right from the start. So…having a depressed soul was most likely the complete opposite of being hard, right? But Merlin had to wonder which one was worse-living with a hard soul that could feel nothing? Or feeling everything so much, that Merlin couldn't do anything else. It was a conundrum Merlin had to wonder rather or not he would ever figure out.

Merlin was putting a lot of thought into something that was not even a real proverb…

"No, I didn't make anything up. It's a real proverb, that one can even look up anytime they want. I am sure I have seen a book or two down in Geoffery's archives that has all kinds of old proverbs and old sayings…quite a detailed read, explains where it originated from and everything." Gaius continued to lie on the spot, as he rambled on in a similar fashion to how Before Merlin used too. The physician nodded his head right down the hall they had just came down, which was opposite from the direction they were going. And Merlin followed his eyes down the hall, but there was nothing there other then the usual tapestries and decorative tables lining along all of the stone walls. "Perhaps you would like to go down there with me? We can have a look around, and see if we are able to scrounge up any of those books. Geoffrey says he has all of the books organized, but it still might take us quite a long while to find one, as it's no organization system I have seen in my entire life."

Gaius looked as if he was about to march down to the main library that Geoffrey ruled over with an iron fist, just to find that book to show Merlin something that would have never been found. Since it was such an obvious lie, that the young sorcerer quirked his lip up for only half a second before he allowed it to drop back down. That little quirk…it had been okay. A quirk, a small grin…Merlin could do that, even if he did not much feel like doing it at all. But he could do it…the consort could joke and grin and play around with his uncle just as he used too, when he had first arrived in the city on his own. He could…go through his motions…it wasn't a real big deal if Merlin wasn't feeling any true amusement, right? It didn't matter that Before Merlin would've found this to be hilarious. This was a thing Merlin could do, though. He could take just a semblance of control over his life…by playing his own part in the story.

Though…Merlin couldn't help but wonder rather or not there would be any worth to him pointing out how Gaius had done his own organization. Which as far as Merlin had been able to tell, had only included throwing his books in any direction that wasn't already taken up. Books squeezed into the first available spot that was wide enough to fit in, or spread out along empty tabletops before the bookshelves looked as if they were two seconds away from breaking underneath the weight of it all. But Gaius seemed to know where everything was, so perhaps there was some sort of organization to it, a kind of organization that only Gaius knew the details of.

Before Merlin was able to decide rather or not to continue playing his role, there was a sound from somewhere down the hall that caught both of their attention's. The sound of a door slamming shut further down the hall, echoing down the hall towards where they were. Any lingering traces between Merlin and his brief smile that may have remained, vanished in an instant. His heart had leaped straight into his throat so tightly, Merlin felt as if he would never be able to swallow for the rest of his life. He was sure that it was Arthur, having for whatever godforsaken reason had followed him. Probably to do nothing more than continuing to berate him…did the man have no pride? Would Arthur be willing to berate him even in front of Gaius? All the times Arthur had berated him for one reason or another…they had always gotten this mediocre of privacy. Outside, when there was nobody around. The time Arthur had dragged him through the marketplace after he'd found out Merlin was looking for a job-he had waited until it was just them in his room before going off at him. In front of Morris, Arthur had done a snide comment here or there, but no real fussing like he usually did. Even the time they'd been in the council chambers, Arthur had kept his voice low while they hid behind that stupid pillar. Hell, the worse it had got, was when Arthur kept making excuses in front of the Lady Clarissa, when Merlin had caught them in his room. But that had been Arthur more gaslighting him, trying to make him to be the crazy out in the room to save his own arse.

But had Merlin gone too far somehow? Had Arthur been so offended by the way Merlin had taken off running down the hall to get away from him, that he had came after him? This was clearly Merlin's fault, he should have anticipated it was something that would make Arthur mad, should have known it would…he really was stupid, to think otherwise. But would Gaius' presence be enough to deter Arthur, would he try to excuse them away so that he could berate Merlin in a place that was more private? Or would Arthur go ahead and do it right here, and right now…the idea of Gaius watching Merlin in such a weak and vulnerable position…it made him sick to know Gaius would witness it. Gaius would not only know he was going through stuff, but he would know exactly what he was going through. Which was somehow worse then Gaius having his theories that may, or not may, be true.

But that was something, as it turned out, that Merlin didn't need to worry about. For one, it was most definitely not the prince who shall not be spoken about, Merlin learned when the sound of giggling reached his ears. And two: knowing it was not Arthur only alleviated Merlin's panic slightly. Since it wasn't only Arthur who took to tormenting him whenever he was walked in on. Three girls…who looked as if they were no older than he himself was, walked into the hall. The group of girls looked to be serving girls, with threadbare dresses and laundry baskets perched on the sides of their hips. They did not seem to notice Merlin or Gaius standing there at first, as they had their heads bent together. Laughing and giggling in every word, as teenagers tended to do whenever they would get together. Gossiping or playing around hardly seemed to matter, as the group continued the walk towards the laundry room, the only place where they could wash the amount of clothes they were hauling around with them.

Merlin didn't relax, even though he was almost sure he had never had any personal issues with any girl standing within the group. But that was the point Merlin was stuck in, he'd came to see threats everywhere. Instead of trusting people until they proved they couldn't be trusted, Merlin started to do the opposite. And just expect for people-even strangers he had never met, and would probably never once interact with-to attack him in some way. Being that they were mere serving girls, Merlin could probably expect a sneered insult or disgusted look or sticking their nose in the air to make it very clear how unwelcomed he was, where even the servant thought they were better then him. None of the servant's he had came across, have worked up the nerve to attack him in a more physical way. His status as consort doing offering to give him a bit of protection in that way. But that same status did very little to dissuade the knights, who were convinced he was still below them because they were born noble, and Merlin had simply married into it.

Merlin's anxiety seemed to peek when the girl in the middle of the group lifted her head, whatever she had been saying seemed to die away in her mouth before she could finish it completely. Her two friends, obviously, realized something had gotten her attention, and followed her gaze towards the consort and where he was standing with Gaius. All three of them had wide eyes, as if they hadn't been expecting to see him there. And Merlin could see the moment each of them saw the bag of manure perched precariously along the top of his shoulder. The three girls shared this almost amused look, as if they thought it was funny that Merlin was being reduced to chores as if he was one of the servants.

Merlin could feel the heat raising to his cheeks when the girl on the far left gave out a little giggle, clearly unable to help herself, bringing further attention onto Merlin. The consort awkwardly readjusted the bag over his shoulder, feeling the same shoulder wanting to sag from the weight, but this only seemed to bring more attention onto him when the serving girls shared another look. Maybe it was a bit strange, being the consort and carrying a bag of manure on him…that was a job that was usually reserved for those who worked as the lower stable hands, whose sole job was to keep the stalls to the horses clean. As disgusting as it was though, Merlin had not once considered the job as something that would be far below his status, like these girl's clearly thought. But really, what was any more beneath the status: Unwanted Consort, to begin with?

The three girls shared another look, as if they were trying to debate something. And the girl on the far right gave a push to the girl in the middle, clearly the little ringleader of their group. The girl in the middle flashed her friend an annoyed look, clearly not liking being pushed into this as it brought all of the attention onto her. Apparently, it was perfectly fine for them to give Merlin all of the unwanted attention, but it was another story entirely for it to be on her. But the girl in the middle clearly had no problem with 'what' her friend was wanting her to do. Because she turned back to Merlin and Gaius, an almost shark like smile on her face as she strode forward to meet them. Merlin's back with stiff before she'd even made the first step, because god no…Merlin could not have known what this was going to be about. But he knew it was going to be happening in front of Gaius, the one thing in the world that he didn't want to happen. And trying to make a break for it now, would have only invited more questions to answer once Gaius inevitably caught up to him. It was pretty hard to run away from a person he lived with, after all.

"Master Gaius, it's wonderful to see you again. I hope that you are doing well." The girl said, as polite and as sweet as a peach could be. And somebody with less knowledge then all Merlin had learned over the last few months, might've even believed it, when she bowed her head down to the physician in question. But Merlin knew what she had done was a thing considered highly disrespectful, even Gaius seemed to have noticed, giving her nothing more then a simple nod towards her, and the muttered name 'Keira', as his lips thinned with a sharp disinterest in her. Keira hardly seemed to notice she'd done wrong at all, before turning back to Merlin as her shark like smile returned to her face, readjusting the laundry that was perched on the side of her hip. "And Consort Merlin…"

Merlin glanced away, the anxious blush on his face growing so much worse then it had been. This 'Keira' had just talked to Gaius first, when she should have referred to Merlin first …it was strange for Merlin to 'know' he was higher than his uncle when it came to status, despite his young age. Since Consort, would always trump Master Physician. It had only been one more new way for the serving girl to get away with publicly snubbing Merlin. She might as well have stuck her nose in the air, and told him herself that he was beneath her notice. A bold move for a servant, though she could always just claim ignorance, and pretend she was only a dim, young serving girl, who could not have possibly known something that Merlin had already picked up on. Nobles would usually eat that right up, and dismiss her as being no brighter then a fool. Merlin didn't care about things like that, but his uncle was still watching the interaction, and it was clear the other man was not pleased, and Merlin just wanted to go as far as he could to escape this scene. And escape from this 'Keira' girl, who he hadn't even known existed five minutes ago.

"They've got you doing chores now? Prince Arthur doesn't have enough servants working for him, he needed to get his consort out here to do it as well?" Keira asked him, her tone full of innocent curiosity that fooled nobody, tilting her head as she eyed him with barely concerned amusement. A bold move for a serving girl who was also carrying around chores of her own to get done. It had Gaius bristling unnoticed, and Merlin looking away embarrassed. Keira continued as if she did not realize anything was wrong. Or maybe she did, and just didn't care about the people she hurt with all of her vile words. But then again…Merlin was often considered to be a punching bag more often then not these days, rather then a person. "That is quite…quaint, of him. Unless this is just the prince's way of punishing you for what you have been doing this time around?"

Merlin didn't say a word, feeling the creeping claws of deep seated anxiety starting to dig their way into his heart, trying to drag him underneath…everything. Because Keira's gleeful tone, her smugness, and her pleasure at feeling like she had one upped him for some misconceived sight he didn't know he had done…reminded him that he did deserve everything that was happening to him. He deserved to be punished by everybody. For the things he had done: for talking back with Arthur. For fighting against him. For…stabbing him with that quill a month ago. For not being perfect. Not doing not one thing right since he had arrived here. For failing every time he tried to involve himself with the nobles….and Merlin also deserved to be punished for things he had no control over. Like his magic…he deserved to be flogged and burned for being different. For being born different. By the end of the mental spiral Merlin was going through, he also figured that he deserved to be punished by Arthur for things he'd done when he was five years old. Any and every mistake or flaw or insignificant moment of his life suddenly seemed to have drawn up into some huge, momentous incident in his mind.

Merlin might not be carrying this sack of manure after being punished for running away from Arthur, but he knew that he deserved to be punished. Deserved to be punished until he could shut down everything he was, as easily as breathing. Until he could be molded and crafted into the perfect living doll he was expected to be. Needed to be perfect…needed to do everything properly. Needed to be…the Consort Merlin that was needed. Not…the Merlin that he was. Merlin should be thanking Keira for reminding him of that, something that Merlin could have forgotten if he had continued talking with Gaius any longer. But Merlin could open and close his mouth all day long, no words seem to come out. And it was another thing Merlin should be ashamed about doing. He should be able to 'thank' Keira, for reminding him of his place. But still, no words came.

"Keira, I think that you have said enough. You should know that you are still speaking to your consort, and your words should reflect that." Gaius' stern voice rung around inside of Merlin's head, sparking something inside of the consort, but the little flare up died as fast as it had arrived. And the dark haired boy in question did not lift his head, too afraid to see the disappointment written all over Gaius' face. Merlin could hear it already in his uncle's voice, and knowing everything his uncle had done for him…Merlin was only disappointing him further by being reduced to the crumbled heap he felt like by the words of a girl he didn't know. But that was how fragile Merlin's psyche was. Reduced to nothing other then the ever present guilt of knowing he had done something he should have known was wrong. Should have known the two of them were going to run into somebody at some point and should have known carrying around the manure would only cement Merlin'a reputation as Unwanted. Pretty soon, every person would know Arthur had 'punished him' by having him treated like a servant. Derogatory. Dismissed. The abuse he was suffering was going to get worse…Before Merlin would have told everybody else to fuck off, if they thought he was going to let them stop him from helping his uncle. But After Merlin was two seconds away from shaking like a leaf, being helpless to the wind's powerful gusts. "I think you would be aware enough to know one should speak to their Consort to the Prince, with a bit more…respect."

Merlin was vaguely hit with an epiphany…so obvious, that it was surprising he hadn't seen it before. Gaius did not seem to be disappointed in him, but rather in this Keira girl. But it didn't lesson any of the guilt inside of him, it didn't stop the 'knowing' he had done wrong, and was still doing wrong at the moment. At some point, and Merlin didn't even know the point in which it had started…he had started believing all the people said about him. When somebody-or dozens of other people-kept telling Merlin one thing, when he'd always been taught another, it was impossible to not start believing that he was the one that had to be in the wrong the entire time.

"Oh, of course Master Gaius. I apologize. I suppose I'm still getting used to the new Royal, and simple forgot my place in it all." Keira said generously, but she was smirking too much for it to be genuine. As if she thought she was joking around with Gaius, thinking Gaius was only defending the other boy because he thought he had too, as a fellow noble. Gaius had never put much stock into titles himself personally, and was one of the few individuals in the castle that could've gotten away with saying the name of an individual, and not include their title in it. "I'm sure even you can see my confusion. It's not everyday one sees a noble doing…hard labor."

Keira once again said this as if hard labor was something that was beneath herself. Even though this was a girl that washed people's dirty underwear for a living. Merlin could feel the weight of the bag on him as if it had grown a good dozen extra tons, now that new attention had been brought to it. Merlin's fingers clenched and unclenched in response to his brewing anxiety, wanting to retreat back to his closet and have another anxiety attack within its safe walls. Merlin knew there was no reason he should be ashamed of it, that there was no shame in carrying a bag of manure across the castle. It was no different then these girls walking along the castle to get to the laundry room, so they could finish their own daily chores. And if Merlin had been one of the many servants in the castle, nobody would have even blinked an eye at him. But Merlin wasn't an ordinary servant. He was a consort, and that was the problem.

Merlin was too different to be a consort: he didn't have any of the mannerisms that nobles prided themselves on. Merlin didn't have the years of education everybody complained to him about. Merlin didn't have the cocky, and self assurance that he was better then everybody attitude, that most of the nobles seemed to carry themselves with. But Merlin was too above the peasants to stand with them. He had too much of Arthur's gold at his disposal-even if he didn't touch a single coin of it. Merlin had every opportunity in the world to wear the most beautiful silks a king could have owned, and yet he did not even try to visit Madame Teresa. Merlin was involved in council meetings, and could talk without being sent away from them…until he said something that annoyed King Uther himself. Too different to stand with peasants, but he wasn't different enough to stand with nobles. Straddling the line in between them, and not knowing which way he was meant to go. Not knowing rather he was more peasant, or more noble in the making. Would Merlin know by this time next year-but only if he lived that long. Or for the rest of his life, would the sorcerer be forced to flounder as he struggled with finding a place for himself.

"But there is something that I have been absolutely dying to ask you, Consort Merlin. My friends and I were talking about you only a second ago, and we just heard the most craziest thing in the world. Like, it's absolutely mad just how crazy it was. One of my friend thought there was no chance that this was true, but with everything else we've heard. I think that it could be possible." Keira said in a rush, and she gestured to the two girls standing further down the hall, having sent the Keira girl ahead to ask their question. Merlin dared to glance up at them, and the two girl's immediately started this really high pitched giggling that teenage girl's were prone to doing among themselves. Merlin darted his eyes back to the floor, and away from them, bringing his arms closer into his sides to make himself seem smaller; when the two girl's put heads together and started whispering urgently to each other with growing grins. It was obvious they were talking about Merlin and the consort would bet his left shoe that whatever they were saying…wasn't sweet. "So, perhaps you can be the one to settle the debate for us. And let us know rather or not it's actually true? The entire castle has been buzzing with news of it all afternoon, and it would be amazing if we happened to be the first to get the real scoop."

Merlin's head popped up, feeling his stomach when it gave a large swoop that almost made him throw up, before it fell to his feet like a stone. Keira was blinking up at him, looking as if she thought Merlin would seriously start talking about any of the dark secrets he had to fuel the rumor mill. And Merlin felt his stomach clench up in a panic…the entire castle was talking about it? Merlin knew the castle was always talking about him, it was another source of his anxiety. But having it brought up, straight to his face, only seemed to make all his anxiety soar through the roof. Especially as he didn't have a single idea what Keira was actually talking about.

Merlin had been convinced, when Keira had first walked up to him, that she had been talking about the most recent of fights he had with Arthur. Perhaps Arthur spoken up about it to somebody, and it had spread in the couple of hours since he had seen Arthur. But the way Keira was talking right now …it gave Merlin an inkling that she must have been talking of something else. But what that something else could actually be…no matter which way Merlin tried to scramble around his mind to try figuring it out…he was drawing a blank. He could not think of anything he had done lately, that would cause a stir up among the many rumors spreading about him. But…it was also nothing new. This latest rumor could have literally been about anything-perhaps people were also mad about his meeting with Bayard?-and Merlin could feel the sweat on his palms growing slick. The not knowing…not knowing what people were saying, or what was going on, or what could be done about it all…was almost worse then Merlin knowing the rumors themselves.

"The rumors about how Arthur caught you in the bedroom of another man! Right after the two of you married! And it's why Arthur's always behaved so oddly with you! He's stuck with you now, and you're off doing god knows what!" One of the girls standing behind Keira suddenly screamed, as if she could not handle waiting a moment longer to find out about these latest rumors. When Merlin took too long to give her a proper answer. The random girl narrowed her eyes at Merlin as if he was sorely at fault, the second one looking at him as if he was some kind of sideshow freak she had found a large fascination in, as the first girl dove into a lecturing tone. "I'm not blaming Arthur! And the way he treats you! Doing all the things you've done…I would have done much worse then the disappointment Arthur shows in you if I've been the one that stood in his place! Honestly! It's no wonder Camelot's been against you from the start! You can't just come here, start to play with our prince's feelings, and then act as if you're able to do whatever you want! Who in the world thinks they'll be able to marry a prince, and then do…I can't even say such a thing again. You…you…"

The random girl stuttered, looking red in the face while she struggled to come up with a proper insult for Merlin. Beside him, Gaius gave a startled gasp of horrid surprise, since not one person had been expecting the outburst, or what she'd actually said. Keira stood by her side, and didn't look angry at all for being interrupted. She was nodding her head, as if she was agreeing with and approving of everything her little friend was saying. But Gaius wasn't the only one that looked horrified. Merlin felt the grip he had on the sack of manure start to slack, the bag slipping down his shoulder and felt to be two seconds away from dropping to the floor. There was a pale seen covering Merlin's face, and he could only boggle at the girl, his jaw popped open as he tried to take in what it was all about.

Caught Merlin in the bedroom of another man…this rumor was obviously false. Merlin hadn't been in the bedroom of another man…ever. The only bedrooms he'd been in since the day he arrived in Camelot, would have been his own and Arthur's. Merlin wasn't even sure he 'knew' any other man well enough to go to their home, yet along to enter inside of their room. But from the way the girl was acting, as if Merlin was guilty without a doubt…did everybody believe the rumor as if it was nothing but the gospel truth? Merlin could feel it when his breath hitched when another thought suddenly hit him. Did Arthur hear about this rumor? If he had heard what was being said, the obviously he would believe it. Merlin felt the urge to start running, even though his feet felt as if they were nailed onto the floor. Merlin wanted to run to Arthur to explain his side. Explain that he had absolutely no idea how such a thing had been started, or why it had been started…or what was going on. But Merlin didn't want too….because Arthur wouldn't believe him unless Merlin could show him a hard proof. But Merlin didn't have any proof. Because he did not know what was going on, or why these girls thought he had done something…like that…

What reason would Merlin even have to be inside of another man's bedroom, that was the question that kept circling it's way around his head. The rumor made absolutely no sense to him, but everybody was acting as if it was some kind of carnal sin that needed to be punished. Merlin knew Arthur had an obsession with knowing what he was doing, and he needed to approve of the activity-which he never did. The consort was positive being inside another man's room-even if it hadn't happened-would cause more friction between the two of them. Merlin wouldn't even be able to protest…it was Arthur's right to do whatever he wanted. Merlin learned that the hard way. Arthur wouldn't believe him…he was able to feel his chest growing tight, and he squeezed his eyes as tight as he could, trying to focus desperate on his breath.

Merlin needed to breathe, he needed to think, he needed to have his lungs open up so that the air could continue going up into his heart. But that was easier said then done, and he felt as if his head was going to burst…the pounding inside of his temples sharp as he struggled to understand…what they thought he would even be doing in another man's room. He didn't have any business with anybody…Gaius and the blond prince were the only two men he was around with regularity. He couldn't…Merlin's breath hitched, when he remembered a line the girl had said…about how Merlin couldn't go around playing with Arthur's feelings. As if it wasn't Arthur that took pleasure in hurting Merlin himself. But none of that…this was serious.

…Playing around with Arthur's feelings…that made an image appear in Merlin's mind. That painful memory of walking into Arthur's room that one time, and realizing how insignificant he was, how little Arthur thought about their situation…that he would be trying to lay with Lady Clarissa. Already getting started on that little family he told Merlin he would need to have someday, and Merlin would have to either sit back and watch them play happy family. Or be kicked off to that villa in the middle of nowhere, where he knew nobody. Was that a similar situation?…Obviously, Merlin wasn't going to have babies with another man, their biological bodies didn't have the right equipment for that. But that didn't mean the group of girls couldn't be thinking of something else…

Merlin's throat clenched up so tightly, it was a wonder any air managed to get through it. What if these girls thought he was on a date?! Merlin had made it no secret that he desired men in that way, he'd married Arthur, hadn't he? But now he was apparently dating random men? All of the puzzle pieces were starting to slot together inside of his mind, just making perfect sense to him, even with a misshapen piece here and there to spice things up. As a married man, Merlin couldn't have been out and about among the city, dating any man he could when they caught his eye. If any man had caught his eye…they would have to be discreet about their dalliance to the other. Which would probably mean sneaking into rooms, and having a candlelight dinner, picnicking on the floor, or whatever men did when they went on a date and couldn't be seen together. The girls thought he was having an affair! But that was just rich, considering what Arthur got into during all his spare time.

Merlin's mouth opened and closed as he tried to find words that would defend himself, that would prove he hadn't done anything of the sort! If they wanted to know which of them was the real cheater in the relationship, then they needed to go look for somebody that was a bit more blond then Merlin himself was. Hell, when Merlin had first arrived inside of the boarders of the city, and had been thinking on what kind of person Arthur might be, he'd considered Arthur might start stepping out on him. It had only been briefly, because Merlin hadn't actually known a day would come where the prince would risk people finding out about the contract over some woman. But anyway, Merlin had sworn that he wouldn't be a cheater, that he had more pride in looking for someone who stood outside their marriage. But that was then and this was now. Merlin still wouldn't go looking to cheat, but if he could meet somebody that understood his situation, and would be willing to do things they shouldn't have to do-like hide-just to be together…Merlin would be opened to it.

But Merlin hadn't met anybody, and he was being accused of things that he hadn't even done. And no words left from his lips…because these girls wouldn't believe him either? He didn't think so. They were just like Arthur, and would require some hard proof before they agreed to tell everybody that a rumor like this was entirely false. But how would Merlin even go about proving something like that? What? Did he just try to pull a whole guy out of thin air, and have him tell the girls that nothing was happening between them? Yes, as if that wouldn't have the girls running for the hills, screaming over and over again about the magic that they witnessed. Merlin was literally: damned if he did, and damned if he didn't. He didn't have no middle option, no middle ground to stand on …

"That is absolutely enough! I cannot believe what you have the nerve to actually say….you are acting like children and not the full grown adults that I know you are! Listening to all these rumors as if they are the gospel truth, are you telling me you have nothing better to do then insulting the consort of this kingdom of his face? By demanding answers from all these lies? It's absolutely ridiculous! Perhaps I should have a talk with the quartermaster, and see about him assigning a bit more extra work to you girls, if you have the time to talk to your consort as if he is beneath you!" Gaius looked to be red in the face, each word turning him even brighter when it caught his attention that Merlin was struggling to speak up for himself. He turned to the middle girl that had started all of this with her bravado. "And you, Keira! Your mother, god rest her soul, would be absolutely ashamed to see the kind of woman you have grown into! I would have thought you'd handle yourself with a bit more dignity, like your mother had wanted you too. Or did you forget all her teachings? All the times she told you, just because your family was servants, did not make you any less then those in power?"

By the time Gaius was done, the three girls were looking to be quite shaken by the incident. Keira in particular, looked to be the most stricken by what Gaius had said. Keira had grew up knowing Gaius, her mother had been sick often and she would always go to Gaius for care. Keira would play around on the floor while Gaius saw to her mother, who had finally given in to her illness a few short years ago. This had been quite a low blow, for Gaius to bring up and throw into Keira's face. But it was no lower, then the three girls thinking any of them had a right to demand anything from Merlin. Who, and despite their person feelings on the matter, would always be far above them in terms of status.

Unlike his nephew, who always kept trying to help himself, even when he knew it was pointless, Gaius had lived for far more decades. His words, as a respected member among the city, carried a bit more weight then those that came out of the Unwanted Consort. And Gaius would not allow any of his relatives, his nephew, to be subjected to such cruelty in front of him. Gaius was not blind to the things that went on, people loved to talk to their physician to distract them from being treated. Gaius would usually get them patched up and send them on their way so they wouldn't be darken his door. But this…this was the first time Gaius had seen something in front of him, something that was more than just talk, and he did not care for it one bit. But Gaius' concern was sorely for his nephew, and those three girls needed to learn not to talk unwarranted.

Gaius put his hand on the crook of Merlin's arm, with every intention of leading Merlin away…he could see the signs of a panic attack possibly coming on, if Merlin didn't manage to get away before it developed that far. But Gaius' touch was enough to distract Merlin…in a horrible way. Merlin flinched violently the second Gaius' hand brushed along the side of his arm, and he whipped around to look at Gaius in horror. It was far worse then Gaius had feared, because Merlin looked at him as if Gaius had struck him. A simple touch alongside his arm, should not warrant such a high strung reaction, not even with the beginning's of a panic attack starting to come along. But Gaius should have known better, then to try and touch somebody experiencing what Merlin was. It was right there for him to see, the constant wheezing that Merlin had taken to breathing in.

Gaius held his hand up, meeting Merlin's wild eyes, "Shhhh, just come with me Merlin. Let us go back to my quarters as we were, shall we?" Gaius spoke in a soothing tone, while he ignored the three girls still watching them, none looking as if they were as stricken as Keira still was. But Gaius waited for Merlin to make the first move. And finally, Merlin gave a very shaky nod of his head, holding tightly onto the sack across his shoulder as if it was his lifeline. Gaius took that to mean Merlin was okay with a light touch, and gently placed a hand on Merlin's upper arm, coaxing him into walking pass those three girls that had started this whole mess. The physician continued to make soothing sounds for Merlin as the two of them got further down the hall, watching carefully for Merlin to slow down his wheezing.

They were halfway down the hall, and getting further away from the group of girl's, when Merlin's wheezing had started to subside enough for him to talk. And talk he did, the young sorcerer whipping around to stare at him, and the physician was able to feel the aching in his heart when he saw Merlin's eyes were wet, "It's a lie, Uncle Gaius! Please believe me, all the things they were saying…none of it happened! I haven't gone anywhere, or-" Merlin's breath hitched, as if him being able to keep standing relied sorely on rather or not his uncle would believe him. "…please…I didn't do anything…I didn't. It is a lie…"

Merlin's shoulder started to shake underneath the familiar and comforting weight of his uncle's hand…but Merlin felt so ashamed of himself. A few simple words…and one or two harsh accusations being thrown at him…and Merlin had just acted as if Gaius was his enemy. The way Gaius had tried to touch him the first time and the way that Merlin had flinched away from it…that was the way Merlin behaved whenever he was around Arthur. When he knew the prince liked grabbing at him, when the prince had no concern of personal space or just how important it had became to Merlin over these last few weeks. Gaius wasn't Arthur, Merlin needed to keep reminding himself of that. Gaius was Gaius. He would never throw him around a room, or try to hold him down, or spit all manner of insults at him. Gaius was the type to take Merlin away from serving girl's, who acted as if they had any right to say one word about Merlin's conduct. Rather that rumor had been true or not, they had been out of line, as it was not their place, to start screaming at Merlin like they had. If only Merlin could see it as anything other then his fault. Clearly, he must have done…something…to feed those rumors. After all, every rumor before had a grain of truth to it. Even if that rumor had been blown out of proportions. But this new one, as far as Merlin knew, had came completely out of left field.

Gaius squeezed Merlin's shoulder, and waited until Merlin brought his eyes back up from where they had dropped to the ground to meet his, and Gaius had to bite back a heavy sigh when he saw how desperate those wet eyes looked to be, "You don't have to worry about one thing, Merlin." Gaius said, in a low and soothing voice as they stopped walking to his quarters, being firm because he knew he needed Merlin to be calm. If Merlin got worked up again…it could very well develop far enough for the boy to have one of his attacks, "I believe you."

And seeing how Merlin's shoulders sagged, as if it a great weight had been taken off his shoulders-a weight other then the sack of manure he somehow still carried-only made the physician's heart ache even more. Gaius had not thought for one second, that anything the girls had said was the truth. It did not track with the Merlin he knew. Because surely, if one man had tried to take advantage of his nephew's innocence, Gaius would know. Merlin, Gaius observed, did not walk with a limp that may have indicated having something so recently pushed into his rectum. He did not react as somebody who would have been lost and confused about what happened to him, not understanding he had just been taken advantage of by the worse kind of person. As far as Gaius could tell, there was nothing that showed his nephew had been assaulted in anyway. Whatever was going on with his nephew to get him into that state…Gaius was at least able to thank all the stars in the sky, that this was not it.

But even with Merlin baring no signs that something must have happened to him, Gaius found that he would still have no trouble believing his nephew. Because Merlin had told him it wasn't true, and out of all the people Merlin had to lie to, to keep himself safe…he would never have to lie to Gaius for one second. Gaius knew his secrets, and kept the same secrets safeguarded as best as he could. Gaius had known everything going on behind the scenes of every incident his nephew had somehow gotten involved in since the day that he first walked into this city. If Merlin could talk to him with freedom about his magic, without fear, then he should have been able to do the same now, if there was even a tiny hint of truth to what those girls had said.

Merlin shook his head, and looked away from Gaius, while bringing his shoulders up to hunch by his ears, trying to be as small as possible. An amazing feet, considering the bag of manure perched on him. "I just…I don't understand why it is happening…I don't understand why they would say…what reason would I have for being in a man's room?" Merlin had not known, until Gaius had said it, how important it was for his uncle to believe him. But it was, and he almost wanted to cry tears of gratitude because yes. Finally. Somebody would believe him, somebody would listen to him. But…Merlin was not able to talk about this if he did not understand. "Surely I would not be on a date with a man! I'm married…so why are they saying those things about me? …What will Arthur do to me once he finds out…?"

Merlin struggled to think past the headache brimming in his temples, trying to think of even one incident that could have been blown out of proportion. But there was not one thing it could have been, not one thing that came to mind. It was as if Merlin had truly feared…Gaius and Arthur really did seem to be the only men in his life. Unless he just wasn't thinking of it…maybe Merlin really was going crazy. So crazy, that he was even starting to doubt his own memories. Perhaps with everything that went on in his life, Merlin had forgotten one tiny incident that could have caused all this claustrophobic results? But no…Merlin was a lot of things. But he knew that he wasn't crazy, the whole incident last month where Merlin had been accused of being crazy more times then he could count, certainly proved his sanity was still miraculously kept together. It was probably tethering on the edge, and could be preparing to snap at any moment. But as far d Merlin was able to tell…his sanity was still there. Which meant he could not have forgotten something so…huge…but then…perhaps there was a poor soul out there who was so bored with what was going on in his own life, he had decided to mess around with Merlin's? It was hard for Merlin to imagine somebody to take the time out of their day, just to start this up…

"Arthur is not going to do one thing, do you hear me?" Gaius demanded, his tone hot and pressing as he pushed this idea onto Merlin. He had not cared for the fear in Merlin's tone, it was not something anybody would want to hear in the voice of somebody they cared about. Gaius had done whatever he could to keep Arthur away-an easy job since he hadn't came looking for Merlin-but the time was nearing for Gaius to take the prince aside and have one hell of a talk with him. To just demand to know what Arthur had been doing to his nephew, and remind him that it wasn't such a great idea to anger the only man in the kingdom trusted enough to work along the bodies of royalty when they were sick and injured. "Merlin, I do not want you to worry for a thing. I will talk to Arthur for myself, and get this whole mess cleared up. By the time I'm done, Arthur will not approach you unless you being needed as consort is a necessity."

But Gaius had been wrong, if he thought mentioning one of his plans-to talk to Arthur-would calm the boy. In fact, it did seem to have the opposite effect. Merlin's head whipped up again to meet his eyes, and Merlin felt it when his own heart gave a mighty jolt up into his throat. The surge of panic that flooded him almost triggered one of his attacks, and Merlin was frantically shaking his head 'no'. Before Merlin realized he was even doing it. Despite everything he was having to deal with, despite what was going on now…Merlin would die if he had Gaius talk to Arthur for him. He already had such a low self esteem nowadays, and to know that Merlin had sent another man into doing his battles for him…no, Merlin could handle this on his own just as he had been all this time. The consort might not be doing it well, but he could deal with it …maybe.

Gaius hesitated, even opened his mouth to protest…if those panic attacks Merlin suffered from were starting to get even worse, then he needed to step in. But…Gaius closed his lips with a snap when he saw Merlin's eyes pleading with him. It was something Gaius knew he was going to regret-he didn't realize quite yet how much he was going to regret it, but he would be finding out very soon-but he nodded his head. He watched as Merlin let out a breath of relief, and relaxed his shoulders. Gaius hated not putting more pressure onto the consort, to let him see that Gaius could do more then what he had been doing to help him. But Merlin was an adult-he was a child in Gaius' eyes-but by the law, if Merlin was old enough to marry, then he was old enough to be making the adult decisions. Even if Gaius didn't approve of Merlin going with the decision he made…it wasn't a life or death one that Gaius might feel the need to step in for, not like whenever it was he caught Merlin being irresponsible with his magic.

But…Gaius glanced back down the hall where he was able to see the three girls still talking among themselves, casting a glance here and there towards them. Well, two of the three girls were talking, and Keira was quickly fiddling about with her skirt. Gaius narrowed his eyes at them sharply, and the two girls yelped loud enough to echo down the hallway, and ducked their heads down further in the little circle they had formed among themselves…there was something he knew he could do. A little misunderstanding that Gaius would be able to clear up, even if it meant going back on his word to allow Arthur to do you'd. But then again, hadn't the prince gone back on his word first? Gaius had fulfilled his end of the bargain, by showing Uther false documentation to show Merlin was no longer a virgin. And yet here they were; three months later and Merlin was still none the wiser about that whole unfortunate incident that had been happening before Valiant made his move on him.

Gaius turned his eyes back around to look at Merlin, starting to open his mouth, when he realized Merlin's gaze had been drawn already, to the three girls at the end of the hall. That ashen expression on his face becoming more prominent as he remembered what they had been saying. And Gaius felt his mouth close back, with a clink of his teeth. What had he been thinking…well, Gaius was still going to do it. This had gone on for long enough, just how long did Arthur think he would be able to get away with it before Merlin found out on his own, by other means. And with people assuming Merlin-his nephew!-was some kind of cheap tart who jumped into bed with the first man he met…Gaius bristled up with sharp indignation flooding him. Yes, Merlin needed to know what those girls were talking about, so that he could adequately defend himself against whatever onslaught was heading in his direction.

Gaius was going to tell Merlin everything, damn whatever Arthur thought about it. If Arthur couldn't protect Merlin from these lies-was even going to believe them, from the way Merlin had reacted-then Gaius wasn't going to stick around and hold his tongue. He would explain to Merlin all about it: how Arthur had first approached him in a panic, his desperation to have Gaius agree to make the deal with him. How Gaius had agreed to forge documentations, but only if Arthur agreed to explain the truth to Merlin. Which had been Gaius' own little 'thank you' to Arthur for not taking Merlin on their wedding night, after it became evident that Merlin wouldn't know what to expect. He would explain how Uther had been demanding to know, and how Gaius had shown him the papers…explained how panicked Gaius had been when Merlin told him what Valiant had done. Explain how he had gone to Arthur at one point, fearful because this was the exact scenario he had been worried about happening to Merlin…being taken advantage of if Arthur took all the time in the world. Explain how Arthur had insisted time and time again, that he would warn Merlin of the dangers that could happen to him if he ran amok the wrong man. And how the prince had taken Valiant out instead, and snapped at Gaius when he once again approached him. How the prince had insisted that Merlin was fine, and that this was something that would be happening only once, so Arthur could wait just a bit longer before explaining a few things to Merlin.

Gaius would explain how grudgingly he had been about the entire situation, before eventually letting it go. Because the odds of something like Valiant happening to a consort, and the odds of it happening again soon…was so high, the elder man had deemed it nearly impossible. But as all the months had passed, and with this latest rumor happening…well, the physician was done with waiting. He could only hope Merlin would forgive him for believing Arthur would go through on his end of the deal they had struck that day. But Gaius could not do it here, he would not humiliate his nephew by having a talk like that out in the open. There were still other things to consider, things that Merlin would need to know once he had been made aware of it.

For one, this whole elaborate plan between himself and the prince, had only been done to keep Uther from finding out the truth of the matter. Merlin would need to know just how important it was to keep the king from finding out. And two, Merlin would need to swear to not mention anything Gaius told him outside of the safety of their chambers. If anybody got wind of this, it would be even worse then the new rumor being spread. People could claim the marriage between the prince and his consort had never been real in the first place, and this whole nonsense with the contract would have been for nothing. It would only cause an added strain on Merlin as he tried to figure things out…and people would be far worse then those three girls, if they knew Merlin had not ever been anything more than a peasant. A peasant who hadn't carried a single title this entire time. The other council members will be more ruthless then they had already been towards Merlin Gaius knew this for sure. They might try going after the boy, and attempt to have him charged for something that would be arrest worthy like…deceiving the crown. Or…stealing the royal line with devious inclinations. Whichever one would be able to stick, and leave Merlin with the maximum sentence for such a crime. Which would have usually been…death. He supposed though, if Arthur decided not to press charges…it could have been handled quietly throughout the court.

It was a much bigger deal then people thought. Merlin could end up charged with 'line theft', if people knew he had never been officially married to Arthur. People might think that this marriage was a plan of Merlin's, some devious affair, to stop the next Pendragon Heir from being born. And nobles kept a tight leash on their bloodlines. It was a crime worthy enough to put somebody on the executioner's block. Now, Gaius did suppose the contract itself added another layer that would need to be pushed through, but…if Uther managed to keep it hushed up for long enough…it might be too late for Merlin to get off the chopping block. Or the contract might matter nothing at all, since Merlin hadn't completed anything that pertained to his marital duties, and Merlin still might end up on the chopping block if they didn't thread carefully. Gaius was sure Merlin would understand…the boy had grown up keeping secrets. He could understand how one more would he just as important as the first secret he kept.

But again…it would still have to wait, and Gaius squeezed the consort on the shoulder, before starting to lead him the way towards his quarters. "Don't worry about them, Merlin. Some people are cruel, and we have to learn to look in the other direction if that is best. Do not worry yourself with any of them. Or what anybody else says. Tonight…" the old man hesitated, because this was his chance to step back. It was his chance to decide different, and keep Merlin in the dark about everything. But no…there was no reason to keep the consort in the dark. And Arthur could come after him, if he had a problem with Gaius telling Merlin something that he should have been told when it first became apparent. Gaius' eyes grew steely, unnoticed by Merlin, as he made his final decision. "Tonight, you and I are going to sit down and we are going to have some tea. And there are some thing's that I would like to explain to you. Some thing's that might make a bit more sense after everything else you might hear in the near future, pertaining to this rumor."

Merlin's innocence had been charming and baffling at first. It had then became dangerous, and while they have cooled off since Valiant…nobody deserved to live with all the awful confusion Gaius could see swirling around in Merlin's eyes-so wet with unshed tears, and so very blue-as the consort nodded his head shakily, agreeing with everything that his uncle was telling him. Yes, Gaius decided as they neared the end of the hall, grey eyes harder than iron bars, he knew he was making the right decision. His only regret was making Merlin wait longer for the truth. But with the party planned for tonight, the consort had enough on his place without all the worrying over what Gaius would tell him. Merlin wouldn't be able to make it through this celebration, Gaius knew that to be truth, if he had Gaius' gay sexual education directly in the forefront of his mind. It would have to be done after the party, where Merlin would have time to go through all of the information without publicly flying off the handle. It wouldn't due, if Merlin saw Arthur at the feast and started yelling with a crowd watching, because Arthur had been allowing Merlin to wonder around blind, for as long as he had.

No…that wasn't right. It was Gaius' fault as well. Gaius had as much to blame with this whole situation, that Arthur was. Gaius should have never gotten in this deep with the blond prince, and Arthur should have kept his word to tell Merlin far sooner then when they had no choice. But Gaius would seek to remedy that tonight…and deal alone, with whatever reaction Merlin would have when he learned the prince and the physician had been conspiring behind his back. None of this was going to be a pretty conversation, but Gaius would not back down. Merlin was going to know…tonight.

Gaius and Merlin was so caught up with each other, neither of them noticed when another young serving girl arrived in the hall ahead of them. Neither of them noticed the dark girl clad in the serving clothes of Mercia Blue…at least not until she tripped. Falling to her knees directly in front of Merlin, dropping the extra pillows she had been carrying to King Bayard's room.