Author's note: Hi guys. :( I really want to apologize for not updating sooner. I'm going through a very difficult life situation right now, and it's getting in the way of my writing. Rest assured that another update will come on next Friday, and I hope this update will help kick start to a wonderful weekend. I'm so happy that you guys have not given up on me despite these bumps on the road. I'll explain everything soon, I promise. Enjoy this update meanwhile!
Army Of Me
"You're on your own now
We won't save you
Your rescue squad
Is too exhausted."
- Björk
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Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore him.
Whatever you do.
Just ignore him.
That's what I did. That's what I said I did. That's what I planned to do today. It didn't matter that Soujiro texted me last night. It didn't matter if he was trying to vie for my attention during home room. It didn't even matter when he kept asking me during class periods whether he'll see me in the library today for study hall. I did a couple of homework assignments last night, but I definitely need to finish more for the upcoming week. It's Wednesday and the threat of the weekend is just looming over the mountains, if I had to describe it so eloquently. I hate being under pressure like this, and I was never one to care for my grade point average. But these days, looking at Soujiro being a complete twat to the whims of our teachers, answering their questions and always participating.. I suddenly feel the pinch of envy in my chest, knowing all the places he will go after high school.
And I can't blame it on his money or his celebrity status for that fact.
Soujiro's a great student. That's all his own doing. He'll pass with flying colors, and go to really nice universities. He'll do undergrad studies under shady oak trees, and go to extravagant summer trips backpacking across Europe, and so many other things that I could never be able to afford to. And again, it's not about the money. He worked hard for it. I didn't. So now when I see him bringing up the pop quizzes first out of everyone else in the class, or chatting up with the other bright students to share study tips.. I can't help but feel all sorts of bitterness inside my chest. You can't hate someone for being a hard worker. You just can't. So now, all I have left, is a salty lump in my neck that I can't seem to swallow it down.
And it hurts.
So, then, I can't really ignore him anymore.
I'll look for him in the library today.
Fuck my life.
The clock strikes one in the afternoon. There's a few periods left until the school day is over, and it's study hall for me and for Soujiro right now. Usually, seniors could study just about anywhere, so long they give the home room teacher the head's up. I didn't say anything to Mrs Kita, but I did saw Soujiro share a few private words and her eyes glaring at me from across the room, so I think I have some idea. The high school attached library is a really nice one, to be honest. It has updated computers for students to use, all the books that aren't from the years of Before Christ, and they even installed carpeted floors for an upgraded appearance. I walk in, book bag slung on one shoulder casually, and I see Soujiro sitting alone in this big round table and surrounded by these books and papers. He's scribbling something, his brilliant blue eyes concentrating. I blink and stroll on over. When he senses someone is coming nearer, he peers up from his paper and smiles. That prick inside my chest returns. I wonder how much it costs to buy a perfect smile like that.
"You came." He looks like he wanted to stand up from his seat, but decided against it.
I come around to sit down next to him, placing my book bag in the chair on my other side, "Yeah."
"What should we work on first? I'm looking at our class schedules as a reference, so maybe we should do the easier ones first? I don't exactly know which of these classes are your favorite, so I wondered if you could make a hierarchy out of them so that we can work from top to bottom."
I turn to look at the paper he was working on, and it's for our Biology class. Teacher wanted us to bring one worksheet with a single problem to solve. Ugh. Nothing can turn me off faster than that shit. My eyes glaze over to him and I answer sarcastically, "Oh yeah, Biology gets me rock hard out of all of them."
He rolls his eyes with a scoff, "Tell me about it. I hate this so much."
"What? Don't tell me!" I gasp mockingly, "The school's valedictorian sucks in the subject of science?"
He nods, "Yeah, I really don't like it. I much prefer humanities over this, and I also enjoy studying law. I was thinking of going to law school, but now I don't know."
"Shit, you mean you still haven't decided which major to pursue? Time's running out, kid." I place my hands behind my neck and lean on my chair back.
Soujiro blinks at me, "Have you decided what you wanted to study after you graduate?"
I snort, ignoring it.
But he persists, "So, you really don't care where you want to go after high school ends?"
"I mean.." I shrug slowly, cautiously, "I have plans. They're not extravagant like yours are, but.. I have plans."
"Care to tell me?"
I peek through one eye at him. Is he serious? I open my other one to sneer, "Beat it. Let's just do the homework so that I can get caught up and not get suspended."
He seem to liven up over hearing that, "Oh, don't you worry about that, Kenshin! We'll get you caught up and it'll be so easy, you'll nearly sleep your way with my help!"
Ugh.
"We'll see about that."
"Good. Now, care to tell me, of the nine period classes we have here, do you like from most to the least?" He hands me the paper he was working on and I look over it:
Homeroom ... Attendance
1st Period ... Japanese History
2nd Period ... Art 101
3rd Period ... Biology
4th Period ... Intermediate Mathematics
5th Period ... Study Hall
6th Period ... Lunch
7th Period ... Gym
8th Period ... Foreign Language (English)
9th Period ... Introduction to Philosophy
"Uhhh," I arch an eyebrow and lean back slowly to ponder, "I would lie and pick a class, but really, lunch will always be my favorite."
Soujiro gives me an unimpressed, deadpan look, and I chuckle his way.
"Okay, okay!" I laugh harder and wave my hands in front of me in mock defense, "Um, philosophy is my most favorite of all, for sure. Art 101 is my second favorite, since my hands are relatively skilled for, well.. anything, really. And the teacher's bad ass as hell. Foreign language in English is certainly another one, and even though the teacher doesn't like me, she appreciates what I give in anyway. Japanese History comes in fourth, Intermediate Mathematics is okay for fifth, Gym is easy but it can suck my ass for all I care.. and then of course, Biology is my least favorite."
While I rank the classes, Soujiro has been placing numbers next to class names from 1 to 9, obviously ranking the non-essentials like homeroom and lunch and study hall as unimportant. Then it suddenly strikes me, why isn't someone so hard working and intelligent like Soujiro not taking the more harder classes than the ones shown here? Why would he take the same classes as I do, the school's most notorious and nefarious near-drop out? Right as Soujiro finishes his numbering, I cut in, "Hey, how come you aren't taking any of the college electives? Those will really cut down your hours spent in university once you graduate.. right?"
Soujiro's eyes seem to pulse at that question, and I catch it just in time. What was that? Did I struck a nerve? Or maybe even gold.. maybe I found out a little secret of his. My eyes tighten, waiting. I hold my breathe as he bounces back, though, with a bright smile, "It's no big deal, but I asked my father if I could just take it easy in my final year of high school so that I can focus on broadening my social network before I head off for college. I can work my ass off once I'm there, but for now, why not just.. take a breather, you know?"
Do I trust that smile?
Well, I better not push my luck and not be such an asshole, either.
"Of course. Gotta have fun with the glue sniffers and rubber burners before running for Japan's government office!" I sarcastically sing with a roll of my eyes, but never the less, I add in the next one with a serious demeanor, "Well, if you are deadass about helping me out with my homework.. I can help you out with the social scene, no problem. I know the best people for a party or for a dime bag. You can count on me."
"Of course I can." Soujiro purrs, "Now, place your philosophy homework here so that we can get started. We can finish that paper first, and then we can go out for lunch together next period so that we can work on your English assignments. I know a great sushi place around here."
I sigh, "Fine."
I have to get my work done. There's no other way around it. We spent this period quickly writing up a rough draft and letting Soujiro edit my papers while I work with the book on my topic of choice: Ethics. The teacher essentially asks which one speaks to us the most as human beings, and so I knew I had to pick that one. I live in an inner system of rights and wrongs, of what is real and what is elusive and thus, not to be trusted. Is it innate, or from life experiences, I'm not so sure. But it's how I survived through my real father walking away from my mother. It's how I got through her death, and it's how I got through the concept of being "that adopted child" to be the son of Hiko. It helped me sleep at night, somewhat, whenever I knew that Hiko was out getting trashed again. And now? I'm using it to debate this entire situation over Soujiro and I, and what it could all possibly mean.
By the time study hall was up and the bell has rung for the students to have ten minutes to get from one class to the next, the rough draft was nearly polished enough to be considered good enough to turn in. Soujiro advised me to work on it a little bit tonight, and then I should be done with it. I texted Yahiko that I won't be in the cafeteria with the group, and he pesters me as to why and what am I doing now, but I ignored him. No sense in getting him or the guys worked up because of my spending time with Soujiro Seta. Walking out from the back of the building and into the school's parking lot, we stroll up to Soujiro's car which, of course, is a work of art in of itself. The 2018 Lexus LC 500, chrome interiors and customized leather interiors, brand spankin' new and ready to pull in girls at the drop of their panties. I groan in annoyance, which made Soujiro look my way confusingly.
"Of course you'd have a car like this."
"Jealous?" Soujiro winks while swinging his car keys around his finger with surmountable sass.
I try to ignore it. These spikes of jealousy of him. His commercial ready smile. The smooth glide of his car's wheels as we zoom through the nearby town. The smell of his expensive cologne. Soujiro Seta truly has the world in the palm of his hand, able to throw it from across the galaxy of opportunities, while I do the grunt work of churning out planets of everything that nobody would care about. Like surviving without heat during winter times. Like starving while standing in the line of a soup kitchen. Like cutting out coupons at three in the morning when you're twelve, and your step father is passed out drunk somewhere. These are the things nobody likes to think about, let alone talk about. I've learned to blend in the background this way.
We arrive at this upscale sushi resturant, obviously a place that I have never step foot into before. I can feel my face heating up when I walked in there, with my worker class attire, in a sea full of pristine faces and costly clothing. The walls are painted in shades fit for avante fashion, with plums and maroon, and even splashes of bright tones to enliven the environment. They even got a really neat looking aquarium with rare fishes swimming inside of it. While some people dared to look up and stare at me, others treated me as a mere insect to be ignored promptly. Soujiro got us a table immediately once he whispered something in the ear of our waitress, and she got us upstairs next to this huge window overlooking the entire damn world. I could even see the school from where I sit, how tiny and humdrum its existence appear from all the way up here. We started with water, and I had to grunt at the appearance of a slice of lemon and a lime just floating in my cup.
I don't belong here.
"You come here often?" I take a sip of my water anyway, the lemon slice bumping against my front teeth.
"Oh, yeah, during the first week of my father and moving in here, we go here a lot for lunch time. They have the best sushi selection here."
"Tch! The local talents around my neighborhood has the best sushi selection in town. Don't underestimate us poor folks."
Soujiro's eyebrows jump, "I wasn't?"
I grumble, trying to hide my defensiveness with a cool look towards the window, "Whatever."
Soujiro sits there with his hands lying on top of each other, observing me, and then he finally asks, "Are you always this defensive?"
I don't answer.
"Oh. I see. So it's just with me that you are this defensive. Got it." Soujiro chuckles and takes a sip of his water, "But you know, I understand it at the same time. Can't trust anybody in this forsaken world, sometimes."
"Eeyup."
We sit in silence for a while. I don't want to overreact. I don't want to lose him as my ticket to better opportunities, nor do I want him to know he can get on my last nerves that easily. But I most certainly do not want to connect with him. I have a part to play. I have to play the cool, uncaring asshole who's got everything under control. I know I can be a loose canon, but it mixes nicely with my non nonchalant nature at the same time. I can't let anyone, much less the poor little rich boy sitting across the table from me, with all the stars in his eyes and in his palms, get to me. I won't. I refuse. I would never. I'm beyond that shit..
But Soujiro doesn't let up.
"Is being the bad ass really that satisfying of a life to live? Something maybe you can add to your philosophy paper."
The sound of the ice cubes collapsing quietly on top of each other in our water is heard, and my anger rises once more.
I shoot him a coarse look and burst out, "Why did you moved here from Tokyo? What is it about this place, and my high school, and my fucking friends, and me specifically, that you find so interesting? Why are you trying so damn hard to win my approval? Why us? Why me?!"
I can feel the hush of the other people's eyes turning around to look at us, whispering to each other at why this dead beat is in the same vicinity as they are.
"Why. Why. Why." Soujiro shakes his head with an amused smile, also trying his best to play it cool despite the embarrassing outburst, "Humanity couldn't continue on if we couldn't ask such questions starting with that word. Why, indeed."
My eye twitch, "Are you mocking me?"
"Heavens, no. I'm merely adding on to your tirade of questions, is all. But truthfully, my father had to move here to arrange some business with a merging company that is located here."
"Which company?"
"Acom."
"That credit card company?"
Soujiro beams, affirming my question.
"That's nice and all, but what about my other questions?"
"What other questions?"
I scowl and was ready to throw hands, but we are interrupted by our waitress coming back to ask us about what we'd like to order. Shit! We didn't even looked at our menus, right? I could only gape at her like an idiot, but like a champ, Soujiro answers her politely, "The usual. My father and I always had that one dish when we came here for lunch, remember?"
The waitress suddenly appears flustered and giggles nervously, "Oh, of course, of course! I'll be right back with that, thank you so much!"
She takes our menus and nearly ran off with them, which really is quite a sight that I am not used to seeing. I guess the Seta Enterprise has that sort of power to top notch resturants such as this one. Don't want to get sued or shut down, I suppose. Ugh. Money. How I need it and loathe it at the same time. I shake my head with mild disgust and look straight on to Soujiro, challenging him to continue. Maybe he wants to die today or have me kick his ass. We'll see about that.
He shrugs, "We moved here because of the merge, and I want to have a normal high school experience before I graduated. We looked for the perfect school for that, and decided yours was the best out of all the others. You act like your school is a prison, but really, it has a wonderful faculty and many of the students are working hard for their grades. It's not that bad as you make it out to be. And really, you might think I'm some poor little rich boy who doesn't know how to have fun.. But you'd be surprised what I have up in my sleeves."
"Like what?" I sneer.
"I know how to throw a good party―" He starts counting his fingers as he lists the reasons, "I know how to get the best drugs for people who ask me nicely. I know how to roll a joint and work a glass bong. I know how to vandalize property and get off scotch free even if the cops do catch me. I know how to steal things even if I have the money for it. I know how to fuck―"
"―Aw, jeez!" I thrust my hands out, "I didn't need to know about that last part!"
Soujiro laughs out loud, a laughter so peculiarly pure sounding despite his checkered past, "And I want to win your approval because you're the coolest bad ass I've ever seen in my life! You just do what you want, no questions asked. I admire that so much. It's so refreshing."
I give him a stony glare without a response.
His laughter calms down and he flickers his eyes over to the window, resting his chin in his hand, "If you don't believe me, Google my father's company. It's all there. And I tried adding you on Facebook. Did you checked it yet? You can research us all you want to see if my story checks out. I mean it. I encourage your skepticism and you finding everything about me to see what I'm all about. I'm more than okay with that. Alright?"
When his blue eyes flashes back to me, my heart skips a beat. I've never seen a shade more razor sharp in my life. It's like staring into your own death in a pool of water.
I manage a gulp, "Fine."
He snickers noiselessly and looks back out the window, the blue skies not able to hold its candle to the purity of his eyes. Soon, the waitress has come back with a small cart to give us a large plate with a big range of assortments, sushis with all different kinds of ingredients in them. I held in any hints of impression as much as I could, not wanting to let Soujiro see me weaken at what money could truly buy. I guess I just have too much pride to let people get the better of me. We ate in silence, which is really nice for a change. I can't stand his voice. He sounds like those weird men that Sano and I would catch looking at us with lust, and how it turns out, they were actually street walkers for international perverts who come here looking for a good time.
It's disgusting.
"Well now, that was nice, wasn't it?" My train of thought comes to a screeching halt at the sound of that damn voice cutting in, "Let's start with the English homework, okay? Luckily for you, it's just one worksheet to translate a few phrases, is that correct?"
"How'd you know that?"
"I e-mailed the teacher last night."
I shiver audibly, "Ugh, I can't believe teachers are so eager to write the students back like that."
Soujiro giggles, "Come on, give me that paper, and I'll help!"
So that's what we did with the remaining thirty minutes of being in that ritzy restaurant. Soujiro takes this as an opportunity to shuttle himself to the other side of the table to sit right next to me, looking over my shoulder as I would carefully try to translate the words on paper. When I would get something wrong, he'd do this stupid hum and then I'd stop and ask him what the fuck was that. Then he'd point out the correct answer. Which, of course, would annoy me, but I knew I had to let my pride slide if I want to graduate by summer time. Since it only contained a dozen words, we finished it in time for us to drive back to school and make it to our next class, which is gym. For the rest of that period, I let the experience of running as fast as I could around the track to try to forget having to spend two entire periods with Soujiro Motherfucking Seta.
A bad ass.
Hmph.
You don't know me.
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Ka blam!
I jolt awake, gasping. What was that? All around me is pitch dark, and the next second, I hear another bang downstairs. Was that.. is that Hiko? I strain my eyes through my dark bedroom, trying to make out any lines. I drag my hands over my eyes to wipe my sleepiness away. Taking my phone, I switch it on to see that it's two in the morning, and those banging noises coming from downstairs sound all too familiar. Hiko was out drinking again. I should have known. I guess his promises of sobriety didn't hold up this time around. I groan, trying to shake off my daze, and carefully climb out of my bed to put on my jeans and my shoes. I think Hiko might need a first aid remedy for his impending hangover tomorrow. Judging by how loud those noises he made, he probably made a re-acquaintance with Lady Vodka and Sir Whiskey. Not the kind of friends you would like your step-father to get cozy with.
Welcome to my personal hell.
The electronic ringing is heard as I enter the nearby convenience store, the cashier nodding my way and I return the favor. He's this college kid not much older than me, and we don't really talk much, except when I have to get shit for Hiko's hangover. I think he's aware of my situation, but he knows better than to probe. I don't even know this guy's name. I stroll through the small aisles to take a look of the selection, mentally debating what I should get to ease Hiko's pain tomorrow. Do we even have food for tomorrow? Did he went shopping recently during his "I'm getting sober!" high? God fucking dammit, Hiko! Why can't you text me these things when I could get us shit from the other bigger store? I glower annoyingly to myself, dragging my hands across the bags of snacking chips as I walk down the aisle. Okay, what to get, what to get..
I grab a small carton of eggs, a quarter gallon of milk, some bacon, toothpaste, and juice. I read somewhere that greasy foods are great for curing a hangover. Except, you know, you can't really cure a fucking hangover. I've decided that maybe I should treat myself to something nice when my eyes landed on a sleazy magazine. With a sneaky curl of my lips, I take the magazine from the edge and pull it out from all the rest, and I walk up to the counter to pay. I really have to hurry up and go back to bed, anyway. School fucking suck for having to start so damn early during the day. Don't people know that teenagers need a lot of sleep so that we can grow properly? Fuckers.
"Ciggarates, too?" The cashier droans, looking ever so done with his life.
"Sure. The usual brand." I sniff and look away as he bags my belongings, the night outside silent and ghostly. Hardly a soul walking out there except me. I really need to be careful when I get out of here. Who knows what lurks behind those shadows and what the good moonlight refuses to touch. I wonder if Hiko has been to this store recently.
"That'll be 21,390 yen please."
What..?!
I snapped him a look of shock and whisper, "The fuck you just said?"
Cashier just shakes his head, "Sorry, but your father owes us a big tab for all the beer that he's brought this week. It's over due now, and someone needs to pay. Otherwise, I cannot continue with this sale."
"But all I have is around a thousand yen in my pocket! How in the fuck am I supposed to pay all the rest?!" I slammed my palms on the counter noisly, "Where is your manager!?"
He backs up a little and then I hear the door bell ringing, but I am obviously too focused on the present matters at hand to bother turning around.
"Kenshin."
I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of that voice. That god damn, weird, lusty voice that I've grown to hate with a fiery passion. For a few seconds, I didn't know how to breathe. Am I experiencing tunnel vision or is this just a really bad nightmare I'm experiencing? The cashier looks at the front of the store curiously and then he stares back at me with an arched eyebrow, quietly asking me if I know that person. No. No. This isn't happening. This can't be happening. This has to be a dream. A really, really bad dream. Maybe it's a fever dream and I have to wake up. No, no, no, no, no..
I hear the footsteps behind me cautiously walking up behind me, and the person comes up next to me and says the following with a cool confidence, "How much?"
I wish I could disappear.
I'm so mortified!
"21,390 yen in total."
A whistle is heard, impressed by the damage. The heat on my face is too much.
"It's on me. Here. And can you add that blue box of cigarettes there, too? Thanks."
He places the money on the counter and the cashier busies himself with counting them, and I couldn't find the bravery in me to turn to look at the person next to me. But I can feel him. I can smell that cologne again. I have no doubt that it is Soujiro Seta at this point. I can't believe my shit luck. The cashier seems satisfied with the amount and opens the cash register to put it away and do the rest of the transaction successfully. He bags my belongings quietly and I still can't find it in me to look at Soujiro or even thank him for covering my ass. I take my bag and promptly turned the other way around to evade Soujiro's eyes, muttering a hushed thank you before walking on. I have to get out of here before he gets any ideas.
I don't want him to follow me home.
Have him see where I live, the shit I have to live with, in comparison to all the good things he is used to in his own home.
I can't allow it.
I won't allow it.
"Hey, wait up!"
I quicken my pace and keep my eyes down cast to see where I'm walking, aware of where I'm heading after living in this neighborhood for so long. I can hear the slaps of Soujiro's nice shoes hitting against the cement as he rushes over to me, the sound of the convenience store door shutting with its lovely ringing bells. I have to get rid of him somehow, but how in the world could I do that? Soon he catches up to me and starts to chuckle, "Sheesh! You're really on your way to somewhere important, huh?"
"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. It's the middle of a school night."
"But why are you at that convenience store so late at night? Did something happen?"
"Nothing happened. I woke up from a bad dream and realized my fridge was empty."
"Um," Soujiro hesitates with what he'll ask next, "I just.. I thought your father would be responsible over that―"
I abruptly stop walking and glare at him head on, "And you? Why the fuck are you at the convenience store so late at night? Did you fucking followed me there? Huh?!"
His eyes seem taken back by my barking, his hands lifting defensively as he answers my questions politely.
"I was itching for a smoke, but couldn't find my cigarettes. So I thought, I needed to buy a new pack, and then I accidentally ran into you," Soujiro backs up with his hands up defensively, "Seriously. I didn't even knew you were going to be there."
"..You live nearby?"
"Almost. Just over that small bridge, the one where we all hung out under, remember? Just pass over it and then it's ten minutes by car to get to my mansion."
Oh, brother! A mansion? This guy really does have everything on a silver platter! I frown at the front of his shirt, just thinking of what to do or say next. As much as I'd like to cuss him out and tell him to get the fuck out of my life forever, I still have to bend to his will so that I can pass senior year. Even if it's not with perfect grades.. I think I maybe want to go to college, after all. Or even a trade school, or something. Anything except to stay stuck with Hiko for the rest of my life, taking care of his messes. I can't live like that any longer and time is running out by one sand particle to the next. I think I'll just be nicer so that he can let me and let me walk home by myself. I really don't need him to find where I live. It's a shit box, honestly, and I don't feel like getting laughed at right now. Besides, I think Soujiro is truly genuine in his confession tonight.
I take a deep breath and mumble, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak. I'm just stressed out, that's all. School is such a buzzkill this time of the year, after all."
"Of course." Soujiro's voice is soft with compassion, taking a careful step towards me, "I understand."
I grip the plastic bag over him closing the gap between us, biting my lower lip and feeling really awkward. I take a step back for a good measure. How do I get rid of him? Maybe I should walk on over to the bridge and ask him questions about himself. Just so I can look friendly, and partly because I really need to know who the hell he is or where he came from. I wonder what secrets lies behind those eyes and that perfect smile. My eyes flicker to him, his skin nearly glowing with it's pale sheen. He's gotta have a girlfriend back in Tokyo. He's not ugly in the least bit.. he's not even on the spectrum of average like most people are. He's easy on the eyes, and.. Well, he's attractive. Hot, even. My breath hitches, disgusted at that last thought. Ew, seriously? I shake my head, turning the other way around so that we can both walk towards the bridge together now.
"So, um.." I am careful with my wording, "You are from Tokyo, huh?"
"Yup, that's right. I really miss it, but I actually like this place, too."
"Huh. I see."
We continue walking side by side, the only thing illuminating our steps were the street lamps from above. We soon reach the small bridge, and Soujiro leans on the bridge barrier to look at the water below. When really, he should be looking at the city lights. I tilt my head at him from behind, questions flying inside my head. He's a weird guy, this Soujiro. Does he even know what it's like to be normal like the rest of us? Probably not. He probably never had to work a day in his life for anything. I step to his side and let my lower back press against the barrier casually, looking behind my shoulder to look at the lit windows of all the buildings in the distance. Kyoto must be such a let down in comparison to living in the grand city of Tokyo. I've never been there, but it's what the whole damn world ever talks about when foreigners talk about Japan. Must be nice, living extravagantly in such a pretty place. I wonder when the pain of regret will catch up to Soujiro, over having to give all that up just to follow his father around.
"Do you miss it?"
"Hm?" Soujiro looks up, surprised.
"Tokyo."
He smiles and shakes his head with a hum, "Home is where my heart decides. Not of origin."
I nod, accepting that answer, and he turns his face back to the water.
"Would you ever consider visiting it?" He asks while tucking some hair behind his ear, his smile a little tense, considering such a normal question.
I shrug with one shoulder, "Maybe."
He giggles quietly, leaning closer over the barrier, so much so that I place my shopping bag down and take his shoulder to pull him back, "Hey, don't be stupid, you idiot! You're gonna fall!"
He looks at my hand and then at my face, laughing now, "Relax, you're such a worrywart for a bad ass!"
I grumble and take my hand back, "Fine, then. Jump for all I care."
A silencing wind passes us by. And then, as if playing on a dare, Soujiro shrugs playfully and says, "Alright!"
Before I had the proper time to react, he gets up on the barrier, the top of it being thick enough in width that he could step normally on it with his sneakers easily. And yet, it's not that wide enough that one wrong move is all it would take for a major accident to occur. The water below must be beyond freezing at this point. He could die if he gets in there! My wide eyes watch him in shock as he outstretches his arms to his sides to balance himself, taking one careful step at a time. Between life and death, Soujiro looks like a right nut case. His white dress shirt looks crisp and otherworldly against black skies, like a ghostly flame. I rush up to his side and help him by placing my hands on him; one behind the small of his back, and the other on the front of his thigh. Touching him feels so weird, and my cheeks are warm from having to be this close to another man like this. Is it practical to scream no homo at a time like this?
Dammit, Sano. You and your played out jokes and memes are infecting my head!
"Hey, come on, cut it out!" I urge him, "This isn't funny. You could get killed!"
He stops walking just to peer down his nose at me with an arrogant smirk, "You're such a bitch, you know that? I won't get hurt, and I've done this many times before."
"Oh, that does it!" I grab the fabric of his clothes so that he could fall into my arms, and I held onto the front of his collar with my hand while my other one's finger is pointing in his face, "You really have some balls for being daddy's rich kid. Do that kind of shit again, and I promise that you will want to move back to Tokyo once I'm through with you. Got it?!"
"Sheesh, alright." Soujiro takes a forceful step back so that my hand can be out of reach, and he simply sits on the barrier before whipping his phone out from his pocket, "I want to show you something."
"If it's porn, go fuck yourself with it. I'm out of here. Peace." I turn around to retreat my shopping bag from the ground, when I hear Soujiro step down and scurry on to my side to shove the screen of his phone into my line of vision. Right there, the first thing I notice, was a really big, happy smile. A smile I never saw on Yahiko before. He's holding his new bong. It's like looking at a dated Christmas photo of a child who received the gift he's been waiting for an entire year for. He looks younger and more innocent in this photo, catching me by surprise. I halt. Soujiro's thumb glides over the screen to show me the next photo, this time showing Sanosuke with his brand new helmet, and leaning against his motorcycle with pride. He's got his leather jacket and boots on and the whole biker get up thing going on. He looks.. really good, actually. And happy, too. The thumb slides over and it's now a picture of himself with Kaoru and Megumi, the background appearing what it looks to be the shoe store from the shopping mall. Their smiles there tells me everything.
...
My friends.. They're.. they're..
...
I think it's been years since they've smiled like that.
"Please, Kenshin. Can't you see how well we all get along as a group?" Soujiro takes his phone back into his pocket, and I dubiously turn back around to look at him, "Can't we get along like them, too?"
Stunned and unsure of what to say, I just stood there like a fucking idiot, gaping at him. Soujiro's eyes look concerned and sad, as if a teacher has caught their most favorite student cheating on the test, when they know that the student could have passed easily with no problems at all. Like a sense of disappointment, but mostly just worried about them, overall. It's a really strange thing to see, especially so damn late at night. I still wonder if this is all just a fever dream, honestly. I turn to face him completely, still unable to form any semblance of words or sentences, grunting and looking down embarrassingly.
How does this guy have this much power over my life in just a few short days?
How does he do that?
How?
"Your friends like me, Kenshin. I buy them what they want and they're ecstatic of finally being able to have what they desired, but couldn't afford before. I'm actually taking Megumi out shopping this Sunday to a luxury makeup store, and we'll pick Kaoru up to visit a really nice tea store of her choosing. She wanted to go so badly many times before, but her parents could never afford it. Until I came along and told her that it's on me. I wish you could hear the glee in her voice when she told me thank you so many times, Kenshin. Maybe then, you'll be able to see.. That I'm really not out to get you. I promise. And your grades? No problem. I'll help you until your teachers won't even recognize you by the end of this year."
I still couldn't speak. With that white shirt..
Soujiro's surely a phantom.
"And like I said before.." Soujiro's eyes trail to the floor, "You can look me up all you want. Do a background check, for all I care. I have nothing to hide from you. I just like you. A lot. I want to be your friend. You're someone who doesn't care about fitting in. Fitting in was all I was taught as the most important thing to do in this life.. next to breathing, of course. You're out of this world, Kenshin. I want to join you with the stars and we can do so many crazy things together. We'll have so much fun. I have the money, and you have the connections. Can you imagine the mayhem?"
Is he serious?
He lifts his hand to me, asking for a shake, "Truce?"
I look at his hand, everything about it perfect right down to his immaculate fingernails, buffed to a soft shine. I wonder who cleans his nails for him; a salon assistant or a god damn butler brought by his rich daddy. My eyes train up into his, the blue around his irises like two explosions of an azure storm. Too blue to be real. I let my eyes fall to his hand again, and with great reluctance, I lift my own hand to enclose his with one pump. Touching him still feels odd and a startled grunt escapes me, but I close my mouth and frown, trying to play it off. Truce. Soujiro lets my hand go slowly and I look up again to see that perfect smile again, straight and white, not a hint of yellow anywhere like Hiko's. Can Soujiro ever truly belong in my world? A world filled with pain and ever lasting disappointment? Of waiting for wasted fathers to come home at night, of only knowing nothing but the smell of smoke and day old milk? Of having to starve one self because the money's just not there for groceries?
Can he belong in that world?
Can I belong in his world?
"Truce." I said simply, and without bidding him goodnight, I let myself walk away from him. Away from the portrait of sapphire and ivory made of eyes and teeth. I don't need anymore reminders of things I can never buy every time I look at him. I don't think my chest need another prickle of envy anymore. I come home quietly, seeing Hiko sleeping noisily on the couch as usual. There is a strong stench that comes from a variety of sources, things that surely are not so nice if put into names. I wrinkle my nose in disgust at him and shake my head, going up the staircase to head back to my bedroom. Once I click my door shut carefully, I take off my jacket, shirt, and jeans, and nearly dive into my bed to go to sleep. I click my phone into the charger, the screen lighting up with a vibration, and my eyes catches something. It appears I have a new text message.
Thank you. :) I promise you won't regret this.
you're on thin ice, soujiro. don't forget that.
Absolutely. I completely understand. You have my word.
Fine. Goodnight.
Night. Will you join me again for study hall?
Sure.
:)
What are you smiling for? Smilies are for girls and faggots.
Ouch! Which girl or faggot ruined your life enough to hate on happy faces?!
I hate to admit this, but my lips curl into a smirk, a soft chuckling emerging from me. I text back:
I don't know. I think it's my step dad. He likes drawing on happy faces on all my lunches when I was little.
Hiko. Does he hurt you?
lol?
Like, what does he do that make you so angry like this?
Thin. Ice.
Alright, alright. I'll ease up on the smilies if you seriously show up for study hall today, k?
K
Night. For real. Tonight was.. interesting.
Indeed. night.
I wait for his response, but my phone doesn't vibrate or light up, which could only mean he's out like a light by now. Is it.. odd to say that I almost wanted to hear from him one more time before I go out like a light, too? I don't know, but.. I think he's funny, and maybe there is some truth to his charm after all. He's hard to hate, I'll give him that. And I liked how happy he's made my friends feel this week. Those photos are hard proof of that. I place my phone on my nightstand and lie my head on my pillow, taking a very long, deep breath and out to relax myself completely. I shut my eyes and descend myself into the void of my mind, a blink of deep navy flashing behind closed eyelids before I enter the dream world.
Soujiro..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The world is strange on Thursdays. It's near the end of the week, but not quite, and so there is a level of anticipation and anxiety in the air for everyone in the world. When will it end, they ask? They want the weekend and they want it now. To escape all that is mundane and aching to the bone. The one ache that really fucking hurts me right now, of course, is having to focus especially hard on the mathematics homework during study hall and having to smell that nice cologne again. Soujiro politely guides the way through the equations, comparing his own notes to mines so that I can solve them, but I still really hate it. Not because of him, but for the subject at hand is worst than fucking a cactus. But we managed through and completed it just in time before the period bell ring, and all the other students get up from the other tables to head out of the library. Swinging my backpack over my shoulder, Soujiro adjusts the strap of his messenger bag before beaming at me.
"That was a good study, wasn't it?" He asks airily.
I simply shrug.
"Do you want to go to that sushi restaurant with me again, Kenshin?"
"Nah. I think our friends miss us and want to see us for lunch. Do you mind?"
"Not at all. It's your group, after all."
That's right. My group. Lunch period came and went like normal, me trying my best to ignore my friends' silliness and their gushing over their new stuff. Because to acknowledge it outright would mean that I was wrong about Soujiro all along, and I really don't feel like facing that sort of humiliation. Not yet, anyway. I let my friends bask in their glory while I smile secretly to myself, eyes downcast to avoid theirs as they ask the new kid all sorts of questions. Soujiro answers them cordially, stating that he was born on September 18, 2000, in the city of Paris when his father was doing business there. His wife was enjoying their temporary home. She was enjoying the balcony view one night with the help, when her water broke and was rushed to the nearest private hospital. According to his father, he couldn't make it in time for the delivery, so the wife came home, now a mother, lonely yet happy that Soujiro was born perfectly normal. As a gift, the maids had given Soujiro a gift basket, featuring his very first stuffed teddy bear.
"Colonel Snuffles still lives on, and he sits on my desk near my laptop at my place." Soujiro laughs along with my friends at that confession, and even I had to smirk.
"I so want to meet your teddy bear, Soujiro!" Misao gushes, and even the serious Megumi had to nod with a high pitch hum. Kaoru just couldn't sit still knowing that she'll get to visit the prestigious tea house soon, and it really makes me happy to see her smile like that. Actually, I'm glad to see all of them this happy. And I actually like knowing that having Soujiro as my study buddy will really help me this year with school work. I just can't help but wonder what's in it for him. He's acting like he's known us for years, but he just met us merely days ago. Why does he likes us so much already? Why like me so much in such little time? I just don't understand. While the gang talks up a storm about homeroom, I secretly turn my phone on to break through the school's Wi-Fi and go to my Facebook app. Sure as I felt it, I see the red button on the bell icon and it's a new friend request. Soujiro Seta. His profile picture is just him in a forest for some camping trip, probably taken the summer before this school term.
I click on his profile to go through it. His little bio reads: Taking life by the horns! :D Rolling my eyes briefly, I run my thumb on my screen to scroll downward, where I see more of his photos on his public gallery. I click on it. There's endless albums of all the shit he's done and seen for the past several years, of international trips out to fancy places, and even group photos of him and his old pals from the previous private school. Apparently, when he was fifteen years old, his father put him in a boarding school in Russia because Soujiro wanted to immerse himself into that culture. And enjoy the snowy nature, of course. One photo features him with his arm around some girl, and the caption reads: This my bae, don't touch!
I don't know if that's really his girlfriend, or just a female friend who did not mind being in the middle of an inside joke. Or maybe she's one of his fuck buddies. What? I've been fucking way before my eighteenth birthday to know that other people don't wait around, either. I continue to scroll. Photos of his father are found, always wearing something incredibly high class. One photo shows his father in a black tux for a fancy party he was invited to, and his son Soujiro stands proudly next to him. He really has it all, this kid. His father looks every shade of old, really, but he also looks upstanding meanwhile. White silver hair that looks like it was trimmed a million times before with the world's most perfect razor blade, and baby blue eyes that appear youthful despite the cracked wrinkles that surround them. I guess that's where Soujiro gets his eyes from. There's no photo to be found of his mother, though, which is a bit of a let down. Maybe the internet will help me locate her information when I get home today.
I accept the friend request.
"Hey, Kenshin," Soujiro walks up next to me after lunch period is over and the gang disperses to go to their respective classes, "I know you're probably busy after school, but I'm wondering if you want to study on Facebook with me to tackle those last few assignments. You're just about done, and then you'll be a free man this weekend. How about it?"
"Sure." I smile a little bit, which is.. weird.
"Oh, what was that? Is that a smile I see?" Soujiro coos jokingly, to which I punch him in the arm and he starts laughing, "Oww!"
"Don't get too comfortable with me, Seta. Remember. Thin, ice."
"Thin ice. Got it." Soujiro winks at me, and then chuckles at my exasperated sigh, "Say, would you be interested in coming over to my mansion on Saturday for a house party? I already invited your friends and they are ecstatic to come. We're desperately hoping that you'll say yes."
"Um.." I look the floor while we continue walking down the hallway together, "I don't know. I'll have to wait and see today to find out what Hiko will be up to."
Soujiro doesn't say anything for a while, and then he says, "Of course, I understand. No pressure. Text me later, okay?"
Before I could react, he rushes off down the hallway to get to the next class. Or something. Which is weird, because technically I'm heading in the same direction. Well, okay, whatever then, bye? I guess he needs to get something from his locker. I continue on walking and making the usual turns, my mind going on autopilot. I go down a level and whistle absentmindedly. I come to one wing where the gym room should be towards the end, when I see up ahead a small group clamoring and forming a circle. I squint to get a better look, walking a little briskly meanwhile to see what the hub bub is. It's basically five guys laughing at someone in the middle, the student wrapping his hands around himself in a defensive position and he has his head down. The head that is adorned with brilliant chestnut hair. When I am just a foot away from them, the group turns to look at who is coming onto their turf, and I should have known: It's the shit head group that Sano and I and Yahiko loathe so much, and whom we protect the girls from as much as we can. Though the school doesn't like us rebels, it's these guys that are really lower than dog shit. Some of them are known to have date raped girls during parties and shit, and have done much worse things than my group wouldn't even dream of doing.
And their leader, whom I want nothing more than to beat to a bloody pulp.
Shishio Makoto.