Author's notes: Hey guys, thank you so much for the wonderful reviews and the support that some of you have given me during this troubling time in my life. I really cannot go into too much detail, but my situation is somewhat of a dangerous one and I'm thinking of getting out and going into a shelter, and well.. It's just going to be very hard for me soon when it happens. I have numerous support from offline friends, so I know I do have some sort of safety net once I travel far from here, but please don't be scared or worry too much over me. I'm just trying to survive and just writing as much as I could, because that to me is something I enjoy in my heart anyway. It serves as a wonderful escape when things in life goes bad, you know? So thank you. I really hope you guys enjoy this update because.. yeah, it's just gonna be pretty sexy and you will find out why. Enjoy. ;)
Also a quick note, no, Shishio's not a burn victim in this fic, lmao. There's actually manga portraits and anime stills of him before the burning. He's a good looking guy, if I say so myself! Anyway, I shall now pray to Buddha to not go to hell over making that comment.
"Cause I need something more than everything,
A higher self deep within.
Cause I need something more than everything,
A higher self, a higher self."
- Oh Wonder
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Well, well, well."
His voice is sickeningly deep, dripped in acetone, and perfected by the consumption of hard liquor. The tremors in his voice is ragged from years of drinking, smoking, and other vices. Makoto Shishio is the kind of person you do not want to mess around with. Hailing in the inner city of Kyoto, he and I share a terrible background of poverty; only difference, is that the countryside living has kept me grounded, somewhat, while his rough neighborhood upbringing has scorched his heart until blackened with no hope of recovering. He takes out his hatred on other people with a fierce violence, even if it's done only psychologically. His friends have raped other girls, and have bloodied boys until they had to be escorted to the emergency room. Dreams die when you're around Shishio. And right now, he wants to kill Soujiro's dream of fitting in happily with his friends.
"Kenshin Himura. I haven't seen you in a while." Shishio chuckles darkly, "How's Hiko? Still a bumbling drunken fool with no employment to speak of? What a tragedy."
I don't respond. My eyes do all the talking for me. And they're out for his blood. Shishio grins, a wicked laugh vibrating under his throat at the sight of me wanting to kick his ass. My eyes flicker to train themselves on young Soujiro, his eyes dejected and casting downward, his skin seemingly paler from being so fearful of what may come. How did he get wrapped up into Shishio's business like this? Have they met before? Maybe this is just an unfortunate turn of events where two worlds accidentally collide. I could see someone like Shishio and his poor pals hating on someone so well off like Soujiro. And while I understand the sentiment, I shouldn't excuse it when all Soujiro wanted to do was to be a good person. Feeling a little alarmed over that revelation, I shake it off, glaring back at Shishio again.
"What's your fucking problem? What did Soujiro ever do to you?" I challenged him.
Shishio wags his finger at me, "Uh uh uh! Not so fast, you loose canon. Before you and Soujiro here reunite, I would like to propose something to you that will be of interest."
I don't say anything.
"Hmph," Shishio's eyes tighten, "Rude. But I don't expect much from trash like yourself, of course."
I smirk, "Look who's talking."
"Hey, you watch your fucking mouth, y'hear?!" One of his lap dogs starts barking from where he stands, making Soujiro flinch and take one step to the side to try and get himself out of the dangerous circle. The other lap dog, though, only takes one step forward to make sure the circle stays close in tact, preventing Soujiro from escaping.
"You should curb your little lap dogs if you are going to use them, Shishio," I roll my eyes, "Their yapping are annoying me already."
Shishio smirks wider, "You sure talk a lot for someone who has nothing of worthwhile to give back to society. But then, why is it, that you want to protect little Soujiro here? Isn't he the son of that head corporate for the Seta Enterprise? One has to wonder why he is here, and why we should even trust him. Is it not something that is playing on your mind, Battousai?"
I shrug, "Of course. But that's my dealio and not yours to fuck with. I'll deal with Soujiro on my own. You and your little boys can go and rape other people all you want. Sooner or later, they will find out what you did to all those girls."
Soujiro looks up, a hesitating sound escaping his rosy lips. His blue eyes widen at what I'm saying before he takes a careful gander at the group that surrounds him. Must be a first to hang out with actual rapists. His fancy schools couldn't have prepared him less for this type of situation. The duality of being sheltered, I suppose; to be born into wealth and feeling so satisfied with the privileges, and yet, how it hurts these folks the most when the real world comes knocking on their doors.
"What was your proposing idea?" My eyebrow jump up.
Shishio rubs his chin with that devious smile, "Hm. We have been getting into some small time messes these days, but we figured that if we had someone strong like yourself in our group, we could take over this school as we see fit. Can you imagine, Battousai? Students cowering in fear as our shadows extend through the hallways, and we can obtain anything we desire without compromise. I could even get you a better girlfriend.. No doubt your break up with Tomoe two years ago still lingers on your mind."
I glower and take one step forward, "You watch your mouth.."
"Be very careful of your next move, Himura," Shishio's smirk fades into a warning scowl, his group taking on a defensive position at my expression, "My boys here will rip you apart in no time. Think before you take another step."
The promise of death is so endlessly silent. Hateful eyes watch each other, fists curled and ready to fight.
...
"Kenshin!" Soujiro suddenly belts out and lunge forward, rousing all of us into spontaneous action. The lap dog who told me to watch my mouth earlier tries to grab my wrist, to which I rotate it in a manner that I was able to maneuver myself and twist his arm behind his back. He screams in pain while I kick the balls of the other lap dog rushing behind me. Then I swing the guy in front of me to knock over the last lap dog to the ground. They both groan while the last one watches helplessly. Never the less, he growls and lunges forward, to which I simply crouch and punch him into his stomach, speckles of blood spraying on the floor next to me. He limps over my fist and I let him go tumbling to the ground. Now all that's left for me to defeat is Makoto Shishio himself. His grim expression says it all. He has no defense team to protect him now. I take a step forward, hacking and spitting at the floor next to me. Shishio's eyes swing to Soujiro and they abruptly widen.
A blur of actions occur, and before we all knew it, I've successfully bash my head against Shishio's forehead and knocking him down in the process. I watch as he grabs his head and squirms, hushed curse words and growls vibrating through the now quiet hallway. I see a flash of blood and I grunt, outstretching my hand towards Soujiro so that he can take it. I pull him into my side, my heart suddenly thumping. I can smell his cologne again.. the nicest thing right now in this sea of brutal violence. Soujiro has his arms around my waist and even though that would have greatly bothered me before.. Right now, the only thing I care about is making sure he's okay. We both watch Shishio trying to sit up with a struggle, and he suddenly begins to chuckle to himself despite the oozing blood gushing from his head.
"I should've known the power that rests inside of you, Battousai. You've beaten us fair and square, but you know I don't do fair. I'll get you for this."
"M-master Shishio..!" One of his dull witted followers slowly wake up from his unconscioussness and tries to crawl towards him, to which Shishio's prompt response was a fist into the kid's face. He collapses into unconsciousness again, and Shishio shakes his hand to get rid of the pain of having to punch him like that. I feel so disgusted and sick to my stomach. Soujiro whimpers into the collar of my shirt and I tighten my hand on his shoulder to reassure him. Shishio frowns at this display of strange affection and had to ask.
"What are you, fucking each other? Don't make me vomit, Himura. You and I both know that you are into the ladies here," He gets up shakily, "I'll let the lads here come up from their own slumbers, but you and I will have a score to settle. I'll make sure of it."
"Name the place and time, and I'll be there to fucking end you." My eyes darken with a smirk.
Shishio smiles soundly, "Huh! You're fun to play with. Let's see how long you'll stand on those two legs, though. Until then.."
We both watch as he limps away, into the darkness and out of our sights. That was a close one! What the fuck even happened that all of this had to escalate to this level?! I grab Soujiro's forearms and growl, "What the fuck is the matter with you?! Do you say hello to every fucking person on Earth? Do you know who those people are?!"
"Yeah, scary!" Soujiro flinches and looks forlornly to the ground, "I'm.. I'm sorry, Kenshin. I didn't know who those people are. I smiled to that Shishio guy, but then.. but then.."
"Forget it. I don't want to hear it. Can you just," I pinch the bridge of my nose, "Can you just not talk or look at everyone you see? This isn't your prep school where everything is rainbow and butterflies. There are really dangerous people in this school. People that wouldn't mind seeing you bleed dry. Just stop talking to everyone you see. If you're curious about someone, just come ask me about them first, okay?"
Soujiro opens his eyes to train them on me, at a lost for words. Even I'm a little stumped by my passionate outburst over this situation, but.. Seriously! He could've gotten killed if he wasn't careful! Shishio has seen some shit and wouldn't lose sleep if someone dies under his watch. It is rumored that, in fact, that after he had raped a female student a year ago.. That she actually swallowed a bunch of pills just to get away from the memories of seeing his face in her dreams. It never checked out as a myth or a fact, but.. I wouldn't doubt it for a second. He's a really frightening piece of shit. He doesn't have a heart. The street gobbled that shit up a long time ago. All that's left is a void determined to take everyone down with him. I wouldn't trust him with any other assholes that I dislike in this school.
We look at each other, quiet for some time, and Soujiro then whispers with a strange soft lightness, "Thank you. I knew I was right about you."
I grunt, feeling my cheeks warming up, "What do you mean?"
He giggles, "I mean.. When I saw you for the very first time, I knew I could be safe with you. You're real. I know I said that already, but it's true. I don't have to fear anything or anyone when I'm with you. You're.. You are―"
I take his wrists to unwrap them from my waist line, "―Just stop talking before this gets any gayer than it has to be. I saved you, you're thankful, I get it. Let's just go to gym class before the teacher hurls us both to hell."
Soujiro looks a little shocked over my sudden callous response, and I let go of his wrists so that I can walk on ahead. Just to avoid those eyes. Just to get away from that voice. And more importantly.. I didn't like having such an intimate moment like that with him. It's weird. It felt too close already. I don't know him.. He doesn't know me. I need time and that was just too gross to put into words. My blush still hasn't lessened the more I walk away from him, and there is a queer flutter in my stomach when I hear him calling and running after me to join me for gym class.
I hate you, Soujiro Seta.
But I'll be damned if I end up seeing you get hurt.
Nobody gets to do that.
Wanna know why?
Because I want to hurt you first.
Before you..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I'm home now. I asked Hiko to borrow his laptop to do some homework, obviously lying through my teeth. Luckily, he makes no qualms about it and lets me use it. He owes me for that tremendously huge tab at that convenience store. In which I made fucking sure he knew about it, and he felt like total shit about it. Then he asked me how in the world I had that kind of money to pay it off. I just smirked and said I made friends with a rich guy and that was it. He seemed pretty confused about that, but he sighed and let it go. Good. No need to freak out over what's been properly dealt with, after all. I sit in my desk and went on the search engine to look up the Seta Enterprise. Time to do some research. This time could've been spent on actual homework, and I know I'll get to it eventually tonight, but for now.. For now, I just have to know what I'm dealing with.
I click on the first search result which is the official website for the company. The designs are really well tailored and futuristic like. You know what I mean. Really stupid bells and whistles like drop menu that fades away when you move your mouse away from it, embedded videos that aren't from YouTube or other peasant avenues, and so on. Crisp light colors and nice looking text. It's more than obvious that the person or the team that helped with building this website carried a big fucking check home for a job well done. I let go of my inner cheek that I was absentmindedly chewing on from these thoughts. No time to be green when I have to search for more clues.
So, the Seta Enterprise is exactly what Soujiro talked about on his first day of school. It acts as a middle man for two other companies that are interested in merging, or sharing stocks and money and so forth, and to strike business deals with one another. It's like being a legal mediator to two groups of rich folks, and you're rich too, so it's like you're all just jerking each other off. I shudder and grimace at that thought, shaking my head. I hate rich people. I looked through that entire website and everything fucking checks out as legitimate. There's nothing fraudulent about their business, the news websites are all touting over them like they're heroes for their charity projects, and even the comments from strangers can't help but gush over the magic that is the Seta Enterprise. Who the fuck are those people, anyway? They all talk like they know the CEO, personally, which irks me because there's no photos next to their usernames.
The other thing that really creeps me out is that there's no mention of his late wife anywhere. Not on the website, not in the search engine, or in the weird comments. It's like she never even existed in the first place. I could ask Soujiro for her full name, even her maiden name on top of that, but he probably doesn't want to talk about it. Right? Or maybe I should, just to see what he has to say. If he really isn't hiding anything, then he'd give me her name without a problem. Right? I click on his name on the list of all the people online right now and shoot him a message: Hey. You around? I was wondering if I could get your mother's name. I'm just curious and you told me you aren't hiding anything, and I just wanted to be sure.
My finger hovers over the send button, but I don't click on it. What am I doing?! Is this really the appropriate question to ask someone who fucking lost his mother? I of all people should know how that feels like, and I shouldn't be so douchy about it even if I am suspicious of his back story. It's just not the way to treat someone else. It's inhumane. I can hate Soujiro all I want, but I don't have to bring his mother into our business. I edit the message into this instead: Hey Soujiro. Hope you're well. I checked out your father's website. It's pretty neat. I'm just wondering, could I check your mother's eulogy page? I can't find her anywhere and I am curious about who she was to raise such a nice kid like yourself. :-)
Ugh. I can't believe I used a fucking smiley. I sit and wait for his respond, keeping my eyes on the bubble text I wrote intensely for any changes. A small grey text that says "Read" pops up next to it, so I know Soujiro just saw my message. Can't escape it this time, boy. I rest my chin on my hand, waiting. I wait and wait and wait. What's taking him so long?
A bell sound is heard from the laptop and I see a response from Soujiro: Hey Kenshin. I just wanted to say thank you for saving me today. Omg I was so scared, tf was that? Shishio's a creep! Ummmm my mom's name is a weird one, honestly. My dad never really told me her name. He said she changed it legally one time, so her real name is lost on me. When I asked him before what her new name was, he didn't seemed to wanna tell me about it, y'know? It's so fucking stupid lol but there you go.
I grit my teeth and type back: Aww come on, Souji. You can trust me, right? I really wanna know her name. Can you get it for me? Is your dad around? Can't you ask him?
Silence. He read my message. More silence. My stomach feels strange all of a sudden. Did I pushed him too far already? Well, it's my fucking right to find out everything if he was so willing to show me his hands. Right? I chew on my thumb and feeling a little anxious from the quiet when I hear the ping again.
I'd love to talk more about this but I'm a little busy right now. Is that okay, Kenshin?
No, it's not okay!
I type: Aw it's fine and all but remember that it was YOU who said you had nothing to hide. Just be sure you have your info the next time I see you. If you won't help me, I can't go to your party Saturday. Capiche?
I hit send and my chest pounds. It.. It didn't felt right sending that, for some reason. I look on nervously as the "Read" grey text is shown next to my message, and more silence ensues. I wait for a few minutes, until it became more than obvious that Soujiro won't answer me this time. Well, maybe that's.. expected? I didn't ask him any direct questions except for the capiche part, and that's not really a question. It's more of a statement, I guess. But still.. He should have given me some more bread crumbs or something. Anything! My stomach continues to quiver. I don't like this feeling. Today during lunch, Soujiro brought us all desserts from the cafeteria line when that hasn't happened to any of us before. The sweet treats are to be paid extra on top of your lunch, and we were all on a special aid program where we are able to afford just the basic lunch set. So imagine all of our surprises when we were given the Thursday special of Kohi Zeri. It tasted delicious and we were all super happy. I thought.. I thought Soujiro really liked me enough to be transparent.
What the fuck is happening?
I couldn't help it.
I send him another message: Hey, Soujiro. Please tell me that I'm not going crazy for no reason, ok? Because YOU said that you were willing to be open with me and now? You're just quiet for no reason and I know you're busy, or maybe that's a lie too, idk, but can you please answer me? YOU'RE NOT BEING FAIR RIGHT NOW.
I hit send, and I gasp. Holy shit. Was that wrong of me to send? Oh fuck. Is he going to get mad at me now? A bing is heard and my heart jumped out of my fucking chest. I calm down before reading the following message from Soujiro:
I think you need to chill. Srsly. I will tell you about my mom later. Bye.
My heart sinks. Oh my God. He is mad at me now. I feel a surge of desperation going through my veins now, and I want to fix this before anything else happens. But before my fingers could hit the keyboard, something stops me and I am in suspension. I want to throw up. I've never felt so nervous before. It feels like losing something incredibly important to me. It was the same feeling I felt inside when I first learned about Hiko's alcoholism. The father I knew and grew up with, the father I loved and felt so safe with for so many years.. was killed by drinking. Now all there's left is the carcass of the hero he used to be. Of the hero I used to look up to, the hero who used to wear a badge and carried a pistol around to protect civilians. The person I used to be proud of calling my father, even if we are not blood related.
Is losing Soujiro really that important?
A low growl erupts under my throat at that thought. Of course not! He's not fucking important to me and he can drop dead for all I care! I slam my hands on my desk as I got up from my chair, and I decide to drop this investigation for today. Fuck Soujiro! Fuck him! He promised and he failed to keep his word. Fucking asshole. Motherfucker! I kick my chair and it lands on its side to the floor, before I go on to rush downstairs. Hiko left home without my knowledge. I don't care. I don't care if he's drinking now. I don't care about the stack of dishes that hasn't been done for days now. I just don't fucking care!
CRASH!
The plate I flung against the wall now scatters all over the kitchen floor, the sun from the windows reflecting back on all those little pieces. Tiny rainbows shine against the light tiles, the shards appearing like stars from the milky way. I try to catch my breath, the heat on my chest red hot in its intensity. I guess one missing plate would be the least of Hiko's concern when he returns. I hope he left some money behind for dinner tonight.. or himself so that he can make us something. Maybe I can make something for myself. It's only three in the afternoon, but I'm already aching for something rich. I scoff. There's no way I'm calling Soujiro for a meal ticket out. Fuck that. I need someone else. I think I'll text Sanosuke and see what he's up to.
But right now.. I need to clean up this mess. And do the dishes.
Afterwards, I texted Sano. I asked him if he's free right now to just chill at my place for a bit. He's been here before, and being a poor fuck like myself, he doesn't judge. Or even has the right to. He lives just a few minutes away by foot, so we always go to each others houses a lot. Luckily for him, he has both of his parents in tact. His father is a car dealer working in this seedy dump outside of the neighborhood, and his mother is a hair dresser. That's why Sanosuke is so obsessed with making sure his hair looks good for the ladies. I like his parents, and they seem to like me, but his mother is pretty vocal over her disapproval on Hiko's parenting. She worries about me at times, and I don't know if I should be flattered or defensive. But, whatever. It is what it is. They go their own way, and I go my way.
I'll be there in a jiffy, Shitdick. :)
In ten minutes, Sanosuke is sitting next to me on the front porch, sharing a joint with me. Although the police cars likes to visit our run down neighborhood from time to time to crack down criminals, today seemed quiet enough to smoke some herb. God, I needed this. Hiko's gone and someplace completely unknown, so I'm free to do what I want. The air is crisp with winter frost, though it's only October. This is going to be one bitter snow season, I guess. It's one of those things that gnaws in the back of my head a lot. When are we getting new coats? What will our charity donated coats look like this year? The garbs always look horrendous and the ones I usually prefer, don't have the type of heat to keep me warm during the holidays. I fucking lose no matter what. I bet Soujiro dresses in mink coats every year since he was a baby. Tch!
"Hey, you going to Soujiro's party on Saturday?" Sanosuke exhales.
I roll my eyes, "I think I'll pass."
"Aw, come on, dude, seriously? What now?"
I shake my head, "Nothing. We got in a bit of a tiff today."
"Huh? But Soujiro texted me after school today gushing about your heroic attempts in beating whats-his-face to the floor." Sanosuke crack his own neck casually.
I scoff, "Yeah, and as thanks, he refused to give me his mother's name to look her up on Facebook. Asshole."
"Hm? Why would you look that up?" Sanosuke blinks at me with a frown.
"I.. I just," I shrug with one shoulder, "I couldn't find any information about her anywhere. No photos, no name drops, no mentions. Nothing. Isn't that weird?"
Now it's Sanosuke's turn to shrug, "Well, maybe it hurts him too much to remember so she's just.. fwah.. wiped off from the internet. People deal with loss in different ways, y'know?"
I don't reply. There's no point, is there? Sano's made his mind up about this and I can't fight with him. He's my best friend. I refuse to give up on our friendship just for the sake of being right. I mean, I already know that I am actually right about this. But for this, I'll bite my tongue. Up ahead, someone walks towards us, and it took me a second to recognize her face. It's Kaoru Kamiya. What's she doing here? Not that I'm complaining or wish her gone. Her pleasant face is always a pleasure to have around in this dump. She's wearing a sweater dress that I have never set eyes on before, with bold floral prints and a brown background to accentuate the pink flowers. She comes forward with a small paper shopping bag and I felt the need to stand up to show my respect. I bow, a formality I wouldn't waste on just anyone. But for someone as sweet as Kaoru, I don't mind. I hear Sanosuke chuckling as I sit back down.
"Whoa there, Clark Gable!" Sanosuke slaps my arm jokingly, "It's only Kaoru, sheesh!"
I grumble under my breath and rub my shoulder blade, "Shut up."
"Hey guys. I was with Soujiro today and he got me this dress. Do you like it?" Kaoru twirls around and the hem of the dress smoothly swishes across her leggings.
"It's so ky-ute!" Sanosuke flaps his hands flamboyantly with a high pitch voice, which made her giggle anyway.
"Did it cost much?" I asked.
"Around 36,000 yen." She nods happily. I almost wanted to hide my face in the folds of my arms. If I had that kind of money, Kaoru, I would've brought you something as nice as this!
Sanosuke whistles, "Damn. That kid's got more money than God."
"And we went to the tea shop and I got you fellows some boxes. I know you're a fan of green tea, Sanosuke, so here's one," She fumbles with her shopping bag to gather said tea box to hand it over to the brunet, "And Kenshin, I got you organic raspberry tea if that's okay."
I had to smile, blushing, "Sure. Thanks."
"Alright! Now I can cleanse my soul with this ish!" Sanosuke opens his tea box to inhale its scent.
"Kenshin," I look up at her as she says my name, "Is everything okay? You look down."
"I'm okay."
"You sure? Soujiro mentioned something about you two in some fight or something."
I can feel my face burning now, and I scoff, "Oh, you know him by now. Guy's a total drama queen."
While Sanosuke and I chuckle to ourselves, Kaoru frowns, "Kenshin. Did you say something about his mom?"
I freeze, looking up at her, "What? No? I mean.. All I asked was for her name. I just.. I couldn't find her information anywhere and, well.. he promised.."
Her frown deepens, "Promised you what? Kenshin, I really care about you and we've been friends for a lot of years, but.. This isn't like you. Why would you poke and probe someone's dead mother like that? Even if Soujiro promised you, what? Transperancy? Do you still not trust him or something?"
My stomach flips but I stand up to meet her eye to eye, trying my best not to look threatening towards her of all people, "Kaoru, it's not like that. I'm scared of this guy. Who does he think he is, buying us all this stuff when we hardly know the guy? Doesn't that sound any alarms inside your head?"
She shakes her head, obviously upset, "No! He's not a bad guy, Kenshin! It would've made sense if all he did was buy us off, but.. He's helping you with your homework, isn't he? He's making you better at school, right? Even the teachers are looking at you in a new way. A really better way. He obviously cares about us like a real friend, Kenshin!"
"Guys, come on, calm down." Sanosuke now stands up to place his hands on our respective shoulders. I roll mines away from his grasp.
"I'm not going to that stupid party of his, but you guys are more than free to. Seeing as how he's done a great job stealing all of you from me in less than a week.. I gotta hand it to him. He's a lot smarter than he lets on, I guess!" I start to turn around to walk towards my front door, when a pair of hands grab my shoulders to whip me back around. And I see it. Kaoru's eyes, filled with bitter tears.
"Kenshin, stop this! This has to stop! You can't keep closing yourself off from anyone that comes into your life just because Hiko failed at being your father!"
I can feel my eyes losing focus, wide and in shock over what I'm hearing coming out of her mouth. The silence afterward is deafening. Kaoru, who is usually more on the quiet side and always respectful, now seem to take on a whole new persona thanks to befriending Soujiro Seta. More confident and more.. I don't know.. expressive? I think I like this side of her, but then I wonder if it even comes from a good place at the same time. What if Soujiro betrays her friendship with him? How will she take it? How would she recover from that? That's why I'm so apprehensive over him in the first place. Kaoru doesn't have a lot in her life.. Why should anyone take any more things from her like this? It's enough to make me go ballistic. Life just isn't fair to some of us.
But like with Sanosuke, I knew I had to bite my tongue. My friendship to these people mean everything to me. So I just look the ground as my sign of defeat, to which Kaoru then takes it upon herself to hug me tightly.
"I'm sorry. About Hiko." She whispered in my ear and I just hug her waist tighter.
...
"So, will you be at Soujiro's party then, Kenshin?"
"I guess."
If I bite my tongue anymore.. Will it fall off?
[Saturday]
During Friday, I ignored Soujiro, and he made it a point to avoid me as well. At lunch, I find myself sitting alone in our usual spot, since it looks like Soujiro decided to take everybody else out to a resturant. Without inviting me. God, that hurts so fucking much.. To just be shoved aside like this. Soujiro really knows how to manipulate people and situations to his advantage. He's the victim now, and I'm the big bad guy who had to nerve to ask about his dead mom. Shame on you, Kenshin! Although, it seems like my relationships with my friends hadn't suffered too much when I see them in the hallway or in the couple of classes that we share together. They still talk to me like nothing has changed. I don't see Soujiro around much, and for once, I can breathe easier. I think. It still feels awkward.
Soon, it was Saturday, late into the afternoon. I gave Hiko the heads up that I'll be gone tonight and might not return until early the next morning. Seeing as how I'm eighteen, he honestly has no legal power to give me a curfew, and since he's fallen off the sobriety wagon, he has nothing else to stand on. So, he just gave me some yen just in case I need to eat something out there, since he will go to bed early tonight. I wanted to ask him how the job hunt is going, but I don't think my heart can take any more disappointments. Once again, I bite my tongue.
I drive in the red pickup truck and smoke my cigarette outside the window, ignoring the cold winds hitting my arm. Or my face. I've found a nice rock radio station and it plays "Nothing To Lose" by Suicidal Tendencies. My kind of jam. I drive over the small bridge and head towards the address that Kaoru texted me earlier today for Soujiro's mansion. Mansion. God fucking dammit. I roll my eyes and put on my turn signal to park next to the curb just a few minutes walk away from the destination. I refuse to park my baby truck next to the gate of that fascist fuck. I climb out and lock the doors, placing my hands in my back pockets as I walk on. Wearing shredded jeans, combat boots, a destroyed white shirt, leather jacket, and a bullet belt, I look ever so friendly as usual. Walking up to the tall gates, I click on the button to.. ring it, I suppose. There's a voice box and it suddenly buzzes.
"State your business." An unknown voice rips in. I blink, and I frown.
"Himura Kenshin. I'm one of Soujiro's.." I hesitate for the next word that comes out, "Friend."
I stand there in silence, feeling awkward. A moment of pause passes by when I hear a loud buzz and the gate in front of me automatically opening, and I slip through it. The drive way is a bit long, and up ahead, I see the ginormous mansion. Holy fuck. It's huge. Soujiro really is living large in more ways than one. I take my time walking up to that place, the night time setting in quicker by the minute. I ring the door bell and sway from side to side casually, looking around at the pretty front porch and all the potted plants and other trivial decorations. I hate to admit it, but I don't mind hanging around here just to chill. It's nice. The door opens and I see it's Megumi and Misao, dressed to the nines with new clothing. I guess Soujiro took them out shopping too before the party. I fight the urge to show my displeasure and smile instead, and they both squeal before jumping on me to hug me. I usually hate hugs, but damn, I really hope I don't lose these knuckleheads as my friends. I will fight tooth and nail to make sure it stays that way.
"You're here, you're here, you're here!" Misao lets go of me to do her little jumping dance around me.
"I fucking thought fo'shizz that you wouldn't come. God, I'm so fucking glad that I was wrong!" Megumi also lets me go just to kiss my cheek in greetings.
"You know the real party doesn't stop until I arrive." I smirk arrogantly, placing my hands on the small of their backs, "Ladies, allow me to escort you in."
They giggle at my uncharacteristically flirtatious nature, perhaps wondering if I'm just copying Soujiro or mocking him behind his back. But it's all in good fun, really. The mansion inside is as spacious as one would expect; in fact, it looks and feels even bigger indoors than it appeared from the outside. It smells really nice here. There's these nice art pieces on the walls everywhere, and a grand piano in the giant living room, which is where everybody else is hanging out in. The music is booming with a decent song, and walking alongside the speakers and the laptop, I see it's "Are You Ready For Me" by Pretty Vicious. The rooms are illuminated either by candles or techno light shows, so I really can't pinpoint anymore stuff that Soujiro and his father owns. I wonder if the father is around. Nah, that wouldn't make sense. He wouldn't approve of this in the first place. Maybe he's away on some business trip, so Soujiro took this as an opportunity to party. I head into the kitchen to take a bite of the snacks that lays on the island table, looking around at all the cooking appliances that I've never laid eyes before. I bet his fridge is stacked as fuck right now. Man, I'm starving.
Would he mind if I looked inside the fridge?
It's amazing how stubborn I am even in the face of being totally screwed in resources.
"You're here."
I almost jump out of my skin when I hear someone whispering behind me. Carefully, I look over my shoulder and see that it's Soujiro in the flesh. The kitchen door has been closed, so the music is delightfully muted. Must be the cool soundproof walls or something that could get something as loud as that, to be as quiet as this. I turn around completely to face him, leaning against the kitchen counter before I shrug, "Yeah."
He's wearing black jeans with some rips and tears, chuck taylor sneakers, a body hugging red shirt with some band name on it, and purposely messy bed hair. He looks.. Different. Like, in a good way. It's definitely a far cry from the pristine goody two shoes getup he usually wears for school. This punk like appearance seems to make him look even better than usual. I grimace to myself at these thoughts, and try to ignore it. He finally speaks up, "I've been meaning to talk to you today, but I wasn't sure on how to open up the dialogue."
I lean my chin back and sigh a little dramatically, "Seriously, Soujiro, just drop it. Okay? I'm fucking sorry for what I said Thursday about your mother. You're right, okay? You deserve your privacy and I need to chill out. Maybe there are things I shouldn't meddle with even if I have the right to probe for my friends safety."
"Safety?" I hear his voice dropping an octave lower, and looking straight ahead again, he looks a little hurt and angry.
Uh oh.
"Yeah.. I mean.." I grunt, "I don't trust strangers. That should be obvious to you by now."
He takes a step forward and places his hand on his chest, "I thought we've gone over that! I'm not a stranger to you anymore, Kenshin! I know we've only known each other for almost a week, but damn you, asshole! I helped you with your fucking homework, didn't I? I made your friends happier than they've ever been, haven't I? So then, what more do you want? What more do you need?!"
[Cos we've waited all our lives
And now's our fuckin' time.]
I lean away from the counter and point my finger to his face, "Fuck you. I never asked for your help, or your money. You wanna be with my friends? Fine. Just don't talk to me anymore if it can be helped. Cause I sure as fuck don't need you in my life. I'm going out for a smoking break, so don't follow me."
"Yeah, that's right!" Soujiro places his hands on his hips as I walk past him, damn near screaming, "Just fucking run away like you usually do!"
I'm so glad the music on the other side is so loud. Nobody must know what happens in this room between Soujiro and I. That's just the way I like it.
['Cos we've waited all our lives
Yeah, we're coming.]
I soon find myself walking out of the mansion from behind, ignoring all the fountains and other neat add-ins that must surely cost more than my fucking truck. Or even my entire house, in general. The Setas have these gardens of roses and other flowers everywhere, along with an outdoor grill and an unused Jacuzzi that is covered for the winter. I keep walking until I am about to enter a labyrinth, and take a couple of corners in there to light up a cigarette. This is nice, being far away from anything painful like what just happened at the kitchen. The air is colder now that the night time is in full swing, but I don't care. I'd take this over being near Soujiro again.
I just hate that everything and everybody is so fucking against my suspicions over him. I hate that I don't have the social, or the economical, power to stand up for myself or what I think is amiss. I hate that Soujiro has the looks, the charms, the background, and the money, to just lead a herd behind him and away from me. I fucking hate that I don't have money, enough to make a difference. I hate that I don't know how to react to such a beautiful home like this, except with anger and envy. I hate everything. I inhale my cigarette and exhale with pungency. Okay. Calm down, Kenshin. You got this. If you can do some more research, without having to ask Soujiro anything, you could potentially find something to expose him soon enough. You're smart enough to do that. You just need to calm the fuck down and do this on the down low.
Piece of cake, right?
Right.
My phone buzzes in my jean pocket, so I retrieve it to find a text message from Sanosuke: dude where r u?! we are about to drink from a muthafuckin keg, so get ur ass in the living room pronto!
I switch off the screen and place it back in my pocket, flicking off my ciggarate butt on the ground before stomping on it for good measure. I mean, I'd love to burn this entire fucking place down as much as the next person does, but I think I'll hold off until I have all the information I need to humiliate Soujiro and his father. Who knows what kind of fucked up secrets they hide from the rest of the world. It is my duty to find out and expose it all for ordinary people like myself to prevent further brainwashing. If what Soujiro said about money not always buying you happiness is real, then I hope he realizes how true it is when his entire life falls apart. Let's see how much money it takes to fix what I will destroy. I am almost one corner turn away from out of the labyrinth, when I see a dark figure walking up towards me and pushing me to the ground. I grunt in anger and lean on my elbows to see who it was who did that. But before I could react, the person sits on my stomach and grabs the collar of my shirt to pull me closer. That's when I could smell it. That fucking cologne.
There's a certain redness interloping within his blue eyes, either from smoking weed or crying, who knows. All I know is I want him off of me, now! I growled, "Get the fuck off of me, you fucking creep!"
"Not until you apologize to me, you son of a bitch!" Soujiro sounds hoarse for some reason, not letting me go as I struggle. He lets go of the collar and pins his hands on my arms so that I can't grab him or punch him, which only leaves me defenseless at this point. Despite his seemingly thin figure, he sure feels a lot heavier than he looks.
"To hell with that! I'm never going to say I'm sorry to someone like you!" I bark in his face, which only makes him even more distressed.
"All I ever wanted was to be your friend! Why can't you accept that? Why do you have to make everything so hard?!" Soujiro is nearly yelling in my face, the smell of rum clear on his tongue. My heart is racing. Is Soujiro going bonkers or something? He seems really cracked this time. Psycho.
"Get your Fatal Attraction ass off of me!" I yell even louder than him, which only prompted him to press his forehead against mines hard and get me to calm down, "Get the fuck off of me or I will scream!"
"Scream all you want, that music is going to drown everything. You're mine."
My heart stops at that last sentence, my face feeling clammy and wet with sweat. I just lie there while Soujiro continues to seethe and pressing his head against mines into the ground. Some time passes before he realizes that I've given up fighting, and carefully leans away from my face to blink down at me. My deadpan face tells him that I've given up and that it's going to be okay. He chuckles quietly and whispers, "Are you done?"
I don't answer but my glare tells him what kind of stupid fucking question is that. Of course I'm done. I'm not struggling anymore, aren't I? He laughs a little harder at my expression. I refuse to even smile a hint over this. This isn't funny at all. I want to go home already. Or someplace else entirely. This party sucks and I just don't want to be here anymore. I look at how his shirt seems to cling on to his body shape, wondering where he even got that shirt. The fabric seems questionable.. It doesn't seem something that a rich boy can pick out from some ritzy store. I could have sworn I could find something like that in some hole in a wall place where they sell rocker garb for literally a few yen at best. It's just weird seeing him in it.
Our eyes watch each other, his hands still pinning me. The only sounds are the insects buzzing in the taller grasses as well as the thumping bass of the music inside the house. It's either that, or my chest. I can hardly breathe for some reason. His eyes scan over my face, and he closes his mouth. I wait, growing more confused by the second. Is he going to get off of me soon?
And then, it happened.
He locks lips with me and my mind goes white, like a heart monitor going flat line. His lips brushes against mines, grabbing my lower lip to swipe his tongue against my own, and my mind is still blank with deep shock. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything or say anything. All I could feel is his mouth going on a town with mines, and I hate to admit this, but he's definitely had practice back in Tokyo over this. He's got the techniques down to pat. He kisses me deeper by sliding his tongue down my mouth hole, my eyes involuntarily flickering upward from the strange sensation. I.. I'm not enjoying this. Do I like this? No, this is wrong! It's fucking wrong!
When his hands soften from his hold on my forearms, I sit up with all of my strength and the impact knocks Soujiro right on his back. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, "What the fuck was that?! Are you a homo or something?!"
That's not even the worst part. I'm pitching tent in my pants and even he could tell from that weird smirk on his face. I blush and struggle to get up, but I am too late; Soujiro grabs my waist with his arms to get me to smack my kneecaps down on the ground, fiddling with my belt meanwhile. I look around me helplessly, unable to find my voice to scream out for help. And even if I could, who in the world could hear us? Never mind that, but we're safely hidden from anyone else looking at what's happening. No, everyone else is busy having the time of their lives in that mansion. There were faces from so many classes that we both share, people who I couldn't really pin their names. Would they care about me enough to stop this?
No. Of course not.
I'm alone in this emergency.
Who wants to save a savage like me?
"S-Stop it!" I finally find my voice to get his attention from his lustful state, "Soujiro, stop!"
He doesn't care to listen to my pleadings, or even care that I'm smacking the sides of his head with my hands, or grabbing his hair to try to pull him away from me. He pulls the hem of my jeans down along with my boxers, revealing my embarrassing secret right out into the open air. My face feels smoldering from the heat of my blush, covering my mouth with my hand at what is happening. This isn't real. This is a nightmare come true. Soujiro takes a pause to admire my hard on, eyes almost closed from his arousal. And before my mind could register the next thing, he opens his mouth to start swirling his wet tongue around its head. I gasp and a groan erupts from me, biting my fist so that I can kill the sound as soon as it came out.
I didn't know his tongue could feel so hot against my skin.
He goes down on me, deep throating and doing all kinds of crazy shit on it. I've received oral from countless girls before, but this is something different. I don't know what it is. It just seems easier for him to swallow it whole and not gag as much as the girls did. He takes his hands to grab my buttocks to bring me closer and I blush deeper, steaming on the inside. The actions of his tongue and his full lips soon couldn't be ignored by me anymore. It feels fucking fantastic. I bite my fist harder to prevent him hearing my moans, though it gets harder the more Soujiro licks the sides of my cock with that carnal smile on his face. Does this mean I actually like this? I shiver as the first pre-cum beads on the head of my dick, all the while Soujiro is flickering the tip of his tongue on the underside of the length.
I can't like this. I can't enjoy this. My mind is screaming in horror at the sight of this. But my body thoroughly enjoys this and welcomes this. I couldn't fight back anymore. Soon I stop pulling on his hair and just let both of my hands run through it gently instead, tilting my head back to enjoy this. Nobody has to know about this. Maybe it's normal to have one gay experience before or during college, right? Who cares? Even Misao told me she's kissed Megumi in a drunken state before, and who knows what else they've done together behind closed doors. Aw, fuck, Soujiro, you have such an amazing mouth. I let myself moan and exhale shakily, gently grabbing his hair to make him deep throat me some more.
"Soujiro.." I hear myself whispering before I could stop myself.
It just felt so right to say his name right now.
He stops sucking and leans in to lick my torso, my stomach flinching back from that sudden action, and I hear him whispering back, "Kenshin."
Maybe it felt so right for him to say my name, too.
He leans back and looks up, his blinking rapid and there's tears coming down his face. I frown, unsure of how to react to that. Why is he crying? Shouldn't he feel victorious? Taking down the school's biggest rebel and humiliating him like this? Why would he be sad over this? We look into each others eyes and then he opens his mouth to continue to go down on me. I purse my lips to quiet my moans and groans as it continues, until I could no longer hold it in anymore and cum inside his mouth. The last few spurts makes me flinch, and then I sigh, relaxing completely. Soujiro slides it out of his lips and wipes his chin with the back of his hand, a small hiccup erupting from him. I had to smirk a little, since it sounded eerily adorable. He sits up to look at me, his face solemn and dead serious. I sit still, waiting for him to speak.
"You said I should be completely transparent, right?" He smiles sadly.
My eyes widen and I didn't know what to say, so I just nod.
He smiles wider, taking his sweet time to formulate his thoughts. His hair is even messier than before. Those piercing blue eyes. That perfect face. He looks into my eyes again, and what he said next, I will never forget:
"I love you, Kenshin."
[Yeah, you ready for me?
Are you ready for me?
Are you ready for me now?!]